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Well, after seing both this video and The Funny Steve Ballmer Video Thing">the ones on this page, I now understand why Microsoft products are... well... you know :P

Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers!!!

Lyrics

He was practicing in case that Microsoft gig didn't work out. He didn't really want to be a CEO, he wanted to join a boy band. (Steve was more into heavy mental.)

... anyone can do it.

Dance monkey, dance!

he's quite the gentle monkey: http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html

(Anyone still have that video?)

Hell, yes!

Monkey boy: mirrors

well if they want to be taken seriously then lets cross our fingers that Steve Jobs doesnt come out in his SteveNote address today flapping his arms like some people.... http://www.ntk.net/media/dancemonkeyboy.mpg

Mod that up, that's frickin funny if you know the reference! -- http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html

Bastard? You retard. Please go see Dilbert. And this time pay attention.

Plenty of Sun's boxes have redundant power supplies.

Click here to ruin the joke.

You either have a network policy or you don't.

I deal with this kind of stuff on a different level. I manage an intranet and need to deal with people wanting things 'their way,' only to have them complain when their way is the wrong way.

I get them to e-mail me acknowleding that this is against my recommendations or against policy X. When it blows up the first time, I fix it and hopefully gain his or her trust.

If he or she is still pig-headed one major experience or a couple minor ones, put solving their problem at the bottom of your list of priorities. Remember, you hold the power.

Just remember to have them acknowledge in writing or via e-mail that whatever they're demanding is against your recommendation or policy if you can't convince them to back off.

And if you run out of ideas, just follow Simon's lead http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html.

You paying customers are getting screwed by the companies themselves. Even before it was as "rampant" as it is claimed to be today, they were building in copy-protection techniques, which made it harder for the paying customer to use their media their way. This is even truer now, with cds like "Break the Cycle" (classic example cd) unable to work on many players.

I highly reccomend a read of The hard-to-find truth about piracy, which includes excellent parts such as:

The leisure corporations are conducting, in fact, a war not against pirates, but on their own customers. For many years now, honest consumers paying full price for legitimate products have been saddled with crippled, inferior versions of what the pirate users get for free:

- Pirate users don't have to keep their precious PC game discs spinning endlessly and noisily in the drive (and being subjected to repeated handling) while they play the game.

- Pirate users don't have to sit through all those infuriatingly long, unskippable splash screens / trailers / adverts before they can watch the actual movie on their new DVD, while the poor saps who paid for it in a shop do.

- Pirate users don't get their brand-new music CD home only to find that it won't play in their computer because it's been made in a non-standard-compliant "anti-piracy" format which prevents legitimate users from legally listening to music they've paid for.

- Pirate users can use their game consoles to play games originating from any country, while legitimate purchasers of, say, a game from Japan will be unable to play it on their legitimate, but UK-bought, Playstation 2.

- Pirate users don't have to uninstall perfectly legal software applications from their PCs, or put up with the secret installation of damaging programs if they want to play their new games, unlike the unfortunate legitimate consumers.

And so on. But astoundingly, the entertainment business still doesn't think it's made life miserable enough for its honest, paying customers.

Found that nice link in NTK for Sept. 9, 2003. I'd say that as a customer, you're getting screwed over. I'm not saying don't buy what you want, please do, but I'm saying it should also be ok for you to download a "Pirated" version so that you get to use the media your way instead of theirs. No-CD Cracks should be fine, but companies are now making your $50 product useless for using them. Sad, I think.

The MPL is nice, in that it is propagative but not viral.

You mean the GPL is "viral", "Pacman-like", "a cancer"? You sound awfully much like a certain CEO.

Please refrain from disparaging remarks. We want to see Sun as one of the good guys. We really do. But this does not help your cause much.

Especially when it's being configured by a muppet.

A lower acolyte of his holiness The Bastard himself

BOFH

But don't look at it as humour... ... rather see it as a quide.

I particularly enjoy subscribing users to inappropriate mailing lists:

- BSDM/Beastiality Mailing Lists
- Homosexual Lists
- Cult religious/political groups

For truly obnoxious users, snail mail is even better. I once had free samples of depends undergarments delivered to a (l)user.

For more inspiration, consult the BOFH.

However, an idea might be to ask your boss about the possibility of hiring a minimum-wage intern. When I was in college, I would have cheerfully killed to get a job working in IT that provided real-world experience, rather than cleaning greasetraps or restocking warehouses. You'd have to be careful about trustworthiness, but a minion to answer phones, deal with users who habitually leave caps lock on, and make coffee could significantly decrease your workload while not costing your company too much money.

Your boss might well go for it, especially if you explain that there's just too much work for one person, and that you can either get an intern or hire another full-time IT worker. This way, your plan actually saves money (at least compared to the alternatives you present). Even if the boss doesn't go for it, there's very little to lose by trying it. Good luck!

Especially when they dance.

Developers, developers, developers!

I can't believe that guy is a top executive of a major corporation.

Really? Just wait until you see the monkey boy dance (mirrors).

2600 is such a beautiful number... Balmer could have made a more direct point with just 42 tho.

Developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers, developers?

Something along those lines, anyhow. ;-)

Seriously, this is just the marketroids doing their thing. When the accountants start warning about threats from Linux, we know there's a real threat. Linux is getting mention in the latest annual filing, too.

That would be Charlie Brooker, comedian, right? You're aware of the concept of humour, right? OK, this isn't very funny, but it is clearly a joke.

I've managed to find a full copy of the column online - in China, home of free speech, amusingly enough.

For anyone not familiar with Charlie Brooker's brand of comedy, he's the creator of the (sadly resting) TV Go Home, author of numerous close-to-the-bone satirical articles in British computer gaming magazines, and is now working on various other projects. His Screen Burn column in the Guardian's Guide supplement is frequently hilarious, and he's suggested far, far worse things in it than the mere assassination of a president. I'm often amazed they can print it - this censored article was pretty tame by comparison....

Oh, and he's an utter geek too. He's allied with NTK, and I seem to recall reading something in the Guide by him extolling the virtues of downloading television programmes by Bittorrent. Yup.

I've never seen anyone be fanatic about proprietary software. [] ...but never someone holding it up as a near-religious institution...

Well then I've got four words for you...

Watch Ballmer be fanatic about his near-religious institution in a way that would put charasmatics and snake-handlers to shame.

I mean THE Steve Ballmer of Monkey Developers fame ?(video).

Next we'll be said that it is the price of the bottle that makes the price of wine high, but whatever Ballmer drank before that show I highly recommend: it's a TRRRIPPP out of reality !

Anyway I guess that what Ballmer wanted to say it's the following: if the demaned quantity was bigger, Microsoft could still be abominably rich because instead of selling 1000 pieces at $100 (nominal revenue, $100K) we could sell 100000 pieces at $10 (nominal revenue, $100K) and Microsoft would get the same $$ cut while people would get the OS.

Problem is M$ wouldn't go as low as $10 because the market demand isn't COSTANT, but it can fluctutate (damn the people that doesn't want to upgrade with slower software or useless not demanded applications, we need more ingnorance and naivety to make profits !). Also, nobody could force M$ (not even M$) to put price at $10 if the people is happy to pay $20 (one more reason to breed ignorance and naivety)

In practice, Ballmer would like the PC to become cheaper because it would create more demand (good for M$) effectively shifting cost-of-making-new-customer to hardware makers, who obviously don't agree with his project of getting their own profits.

Problem is the demand for PC doesn't rise quick enough for a number of reason: one could be that a lot of people is overworked AND use to see PC as a work instrument and the last thing they want to do when finally at home is again more PC time : one gotta give users a TANGIBLE BENEFIT if they want them to naturally demand a good.

I don't find the BOFH and similar things funny either though. - You are telling me that this is not funny?

How the hell do you get the chicks if you think that was not....

oh,

never mind.

``Let the monkey lose with Petrol''

You mean like the Micromonkey?

Ermmm yeah. What part of "freely available" means available only in MSIE?

The (Developers! Developers!) reference is about the Steve Ballmer Monkey Boy Dance.

"Developers, developers, developers!"

if you don't know what he's talking about

> DISABLE ECONOMY
> You cannot do that here.
> EXAMINE CYBER INFRASTRUCTURE
> Access Denied.
> HIT ECONOMY WITH STICK

The cover has Gates in a gorilla suit....

As opposed to Steve Balmer who just jumps and dances around like one. :D

IBM, Happy men, smiling all the way.
Oh what fun it is to sell our products night and day.
IBM, Watson men, partners of T.J.
In his service to mankind-that's why we are so gay.

there are "Problems with application incompatibilities, poor performance, escalating support costs and an immature Linux ecosystem".

Combe's Web applications needed a database, and the only option available to the company was one from Oracle Corp.

Case also was concerned that his company did not have appropriate in-house Linux expertise.

We have also lowered our TCO [total cost of ownership].

(Another company ... same story) "The decision to go with Linux was a cost-based one," [...] "We had not budgeted the e-commerce system setup in that year's business plan."

"We spent more during the first three months troubleshooting the Linux system than if we had purchased the Windows solution to begin with," [...] "The Linux system could not handle the layers of information needed for internal control of the resort."

System failures and escalating costs had the resort reconsidering its Linux decision [...] "There was a limit [..within the application which..] crashed the whole store."
[...]
Mountain High decided to rebuild the site on Windows [...] If we had not gone with the Windows solution, there is no way we could have processed all the passes.

Probably not what you're after, but a good start none the less.

BOFH Archives

[24] No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
-- Matthew 6:24 of the KJV Bible at umich.edu

That explains why I had an urge to buy a copy of Windows after seeing his Developers Dance.

Thanks for that image. And I thought the goatse man was disturbing.

That explains why I had an urge to by a copy of Windows after seeing his Developers Dance.

"In swift action by Microsoft and their developers /A> released a new product called VirusThrottler.NET to help stop the spread of viruses.

Microsoft credits HP for the heads up and inspiration."

I just can't wait to transform these videos into cartoons.

A new idea for the BOFH

Or "knobhead". Alternatively, to get the boss in trouble with the automated, voice-activated computer support that acts like the PFY, "Yew-Anchors," "Ute Ossers," and "Far Queue." Or "WONKER"

Oh, and does the PFY have a name anyway? I've always wondered about this. The only lead I have is "Sir Steven of the Daisy Wheel Printer."

Symptoms:
* Sweating
* Tremor
* Rapid heart rate
* Anxiety
* Hunger
* Dizziness
* Headache
* Clouding of vision
* Confusion
* Behavioral changes
* Weight gain

Somebody call Steve Ballmer!!!

Steve Jobs gets a cancer so rare it shows up in 1% of cancer cases. Making it just rarer than the OS he runs, which shows up in 2% of comptuers ;)

And yes, we know that Steve Ballmer already has the much more statistically prevalent; Brain Cancer

My three year old saw that video and now he runs around yelling developers, developers, developers until he falls on the floor laughing. Yesterday he told me "That Steve Ballmer is a crazy nut." and that he wants to work for Microsoft so he can run around screaming like that.

He wants Steve at his birthday party instead of a clown. :o)

http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html

There are some pictures of the animal in question here.

I think you mean here.

It's got a lot of other writings by Simon Travaglia as well.

Clicky-clicky.

..using the techniques given in the tech manual.

Hours of fun.

Keep your enemies even closer? Dude, I think you need to revisit the Ballmer Monkeyboy video.

certainly not Harvey. And you can use it to find humerous misspellings too, my favourite being:
a list of people who can't spell dyslexia.

Shamelessly stolen from NTK.