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1. I have several e-mail accounts to deal with
2. I chat on IRC daily
3. I follow several USENET news groups
4. I routinely post on a variety of message boards
5. I subscribe to Mental Floss, SysAdmin Magazine and Columbus Monthly
6. I read /. and technocrat and fark and El Reg and Something Awful and Google News and Groklaw and The Onion and Maddox and Ars Technica and USA Today and NewsForge every single day
7. I use Stumble Upon to find random, new and interesting web sites
8. ...AND I CAN'T GET ENOUGH!!!

Could this be a related species, perhaps?

The Onion has a similar story regarding monkey delicacies.

Tiger is the classiest version of Mac OS X ever and, by many measures, the most secure, stable and satisfying consumer operating system prowling the earth

It sounds like he ran the article through the new hyperbolic chamber.

The government should just get out of the information business. The free market is the best way to ensure that we get the most unbiased information.

Its time to crush this 30 year old unholy alliance between the IRS and the 3 party tax prep companys.

As an incredibly wealthy man who spends almost nothing, I wholeheartedly endorse the consumption tax!

For the past three years, I've sent suggestions to The Onion that on April 1st, they should report real news (Reuters and AP stories, etc). I think it'd be great to see their take on what constitutes absurd in the real press. And it'd be damn funny if they could locate real stories that were goofy enough for people to think they were true Onion parodies.

But does anyone ever listen to me? Oh well. Another year, another wasted opportunity...

The Onion reports the tragic news: Science Guy Bill Nye Killed In Massive Vinegar/Baking-Soda Explosion.

(Yah, it probably requires a fee. Pay it. The Onion's archives are worth it. *grin*)

Google Punishes Self for Cloaking

That headline looks like something from The Onion.

'Tony's Law' Would Require Marijuana Users To Inform Interested Neighbors

I think Mr. Ray is at the pinnacle of meaningless drivel

Then you have entirely missed the point of that website. You might as well say that Landover Baptist was a heretic church, or The Onion a disreputable journal of opinion.

Just because it's stupid doesn't mean the author is stupid. Feel free to learn about humor. It'll help you in the interactions with mammals.

You must be suffering from Liberal Outrage Fatigue.

I've got it too.

My favorite part of the article: Someone thought that circling the invisible galaxy in the picture was a helpful move.

Personally, I think articles with discoveries this exciting need to be written with more enthusiasm

...totally reminds me of Jackie Harvey on the onion!

Who is the third?! Deaths always come in threes.

Well, we have a few candidates: Hunter S. Thompson?(Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas).

Or Sandra Dee(also known as Gidget)

Or Arthur Miller (Death of a Salesman, The Crucible)

FORTRAN?

SCO?

Delicious Delicacies?

Spreadfirefox.com?

The company project manager?

Immigrant Laborers Hired To Delete Spam

BOSTON--According to a report released Monday by Boston University's School of Lifestyle Management, more than 180 trillion leisure hours were lost to work in 2004.

Read more at the onion.

Don't take it from me. The onion has this exclusive story featured appropriately this week.

Fortunately for us all, dilligent corporations are applying an old remedy to bring these costs down.

Here's the inside scoop.

Well spotted. Is this you? http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=41 04&o=2

Well, you know, they could be coming back... after all, Bush has plans.

This was interesting story....

Snippet from the article:
Those living near one of the closed Starbucks outlets have reported strange glowing mists, howling and/or cowering on the part of dogs that pass by, and electromagnetic effects that cause haunting, unearthly images to appear on TV and computer screens within a one-mile radius. Experts have few theories as to what may be causing the low-frequency rumblings, half-glimpsed flashes of light, and periodic electronic beeps emanating from the once-busy shops. ol

Snippet from the article:
Those living near one of the closed Starbucks outlets have reported strange glowing mists, howling and/or cowering on the part of dogs that pass by, and electromagnetic effects that cause haunting, unearthly images to appear on TV and computer screens within a one-mile radius. Experts have few theories as to what may be causing the low-frequency rumblings, half-glimpsed flashes of light, and periodic electronic beeps emanating from the once-busy shops. ds

Snippet from the article:
Those living near one of the closed Starbucks outlets have reported strange glowing mists, howling and/or cowering on the part of dogs that pass by, and electromagnetic effects that cause haunting, unearthly images to appear on TV and computer screens within a one-mile radius. Experts have few theories as to what may be causing the low-frequency rumblings, half-glimpsed flashes of light, and periodic electronic beeps emanating from the once-busy shops. sjy

Snippet from the article:
Those living near one of the closed Starbucks outlets have reported strange glowing mists, howling and/or cowering on the part of dogs that pass by, and electromagnetic effects that cause haunting, unearthly images to appear on TV and computer screens within a one-mile radius. Experts have few theories as to what may be causing the low-frequency rumblings, half-glimpsed flashes of light, and periodic electronic beeps emanating from the once-busy shops. eh

Oh yeah, that automatically makes liberals right. Sorry, Bush won the election. The country voted. You lost. Get over it already.

Just because Bush won doesn't make his assertions true... oh I forgot, he who controls the present controls the past, and he who controls the past controls the future. Nevermind.

Oh that's right, Kerry was against the war. No wait, he was for the war. Or was he against the war. Or did he want the war to continue, but bring our troops home. Or was it the other way around. Oh wait, it was all of those, just at different times.

No, he was very clearly for the war. He voted for it and promised to continue it. He called it a 'mistake', but constantly emphasised that he would 'win'.

Yeah, because the liberal media hasn't done this long before Fox News even existed. It's called EQUAL TIME. Yeah, they make up stuff to get their point across occasionally, but so does the liberal media.
The media is only liberal on social issues. See NYT pre-war coverage for an example of your "liberal media" in action.

In fact, BOTH are biased and not to be trusted. Screw it, I only read the Onion from now on.

Agreed. The best source of hard hitting news. ;-)

Also, in america it isnt libel if its a claim that no one would reasonably believe(which is why the onion can say what is does, also parody is protected. Also because of Americas libel laws it is EXTREMELY hard for public figures to win a libel suit. A good example is the Falwell vs Flynt case which everyone should be familiar with if not here is some info on it Falwell v Flint.

The volunteers cite the feeling of being 'on the inside', like sharing opinions with others, and enjoy feeling altruistic.

I suspect #1 (think Jackie Harvey) and #2 are the real reasons. As for #3, if they really wanted to be altruistic, they'd volunteer their time and effort for something a little more important than helping a CEO buy one more ivory backscratcher, like volunteering for a charity or other non-profit organization.

The rest of the world recognises that, but please tell me that you don't think you're representative of your peers.

Anyone too stupid to recognize the problem of global warming is not my peer. But I know what you mean and, sadly, most Americans are woefully ignorant and apathetic about the environment.

WTF happened, then? Rhetorical question, mostly, because we do follow the political machinations of other countries, but it's taken four years for the present administration to admit to their being a problem, despite that vote.

What happened was that Bush used chest-pounding patriotism, homophobia, fear mongering about terrorism, and promises of tax cuts (while we have the worst deficit spending in history) to effectively get votes from the poor and uneducated. This satirical story from The Onion really sums it up well.

The Republicans' secret weapon has always been that despite there being more registered Democrats, Republicans are more likely to vote. Conservatives in general are more likely to vote---you can chalk this up to whatever flamebait-accusation you want, that youth don't vote, that liberals are to busy smoking dope and enticing minors to get to the polls, whatever. And when the pollster calls and asks "are you likely to vote", everybody says they're a "likely voter." The road to hell is paved with good intentions and skipped elections.

Folks, as fun as it would be to put quotation marks around "President" when referring to Bush, he won this time. And chances are he won in 2000 as well. Sucks, maybe, but there it is.

According to this important Yucca Mountain article:

"The name "Yucca Mountain" is synonymous with danger and excitement. It's so much more than some single-industry desert town with a lot of unusual buildings--the entire place surges with activity and pulses with the thrill of the forbidden. The eerie luminescent glow lights the Nevada sky all through the night. Everyone has heard stories, but no one who hasn't visited can truly understand Yucca Mountain. Why's that? Well, my friend, I'd like to tell you, but folks who work here have a little saying: What happens at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility stays at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility.

I can tell you firsthand: There's no place like this in the entire country. The instant you see the strip--the one they pin to your coverall to measure your exposure to radiation--you understand how high the stakes are. Yucca Mountain isn't for the faint of heart. You never get used to the surge of adrenaline you feel watching the Geiger counter whirl, or the frenzy that fills the lab when someone's number comes up...

Face it, there's a reason they call this place Synthetic-High-Radiation-And-Weapons-Research-Bypr oduct-Disposal City. You can try to sell it as a safe, clean site for the long-term storage of 80 million pounds of spent nuclear fuel and high-level radioactive waste all you want, but the truth remains that humans have certain desires. The desire for more electricity ain't going to just disappear overnight, and neither are its byproducts. As long as there are people, there will be a need for places like Yucca Mountain. And you didn't hear any of that from me, friend.

We don't like to talk about what goes on at the nation's first geological repository. It simply isn't wise. Even so, stuff gets out. We don't know how--mind you, we'd love to find out. When we do, I can tell you this: There are a few tattlers who'll be sorry. Very sorry. Not that anyone believes the leaks anyway. They're just legends and fragments of tall tales told by loonies found wandering the Mohave with no memory of how they got the burns on their bodies and lesions on their faces. Stories of roller-coaster rides on the wings of probability, people betting it all on a wink from lady luck and one number of the Periodic Table, and then spiraling down into a pit of despair and reinforced concrete when it all goes wrong. Well, believe what you want. No one at Yucca Mountain is talking..."

World's Largest Metaphor Sinks!

(courtesy The Onion, in case you haven't seen "Our Dumb Century")

Stays at Yucca Mountain.

As recently reported in The Onion.

-Peter

A Slashdot / The Onion Tagteam Special

In related news, hot off the press! "Republicans Call For Privatization Of Next Election"

Sure, there may be a bad apple here and there, but the stereotypical Wiki author is most definitely NOT a biased, flamebaiting cynic.

This is apropos.

Don't forget the The Onion! As a foriegner living in the US, I find that their underlying opinions are often far closer to reality, and express a real insight into American culture... Sad, but at least it's also funny to read...

Regards,
-Jeremy

U.S. Inspires World With Attempt At Democratic Election...

So it wasn't Cheney's warning? Okay... it's the Onion... but it's funny.

The Onion already has a wonderful article on the US election.

You might also check out their 2004 Election Guide for more great reporting on the whole story.

Why is it that the best political coverage is now coming from comedians like The Onion and Jon Stewart? (Now if they could only make the Daily Show's web site work properly. They just made it worse, though, by going over to Windows Media format entirely. Maybe it's their attempt at subtle web humor? ;-)

Well, I guess they all have four more years of good material ...

The Onion already has a wonderful article on the US election.

You might also check out their 2004 Election Guide for more great reporting on the whole story.

Why is it that the best political coverage is now coming from comedians like The Onion and Jon Stewart? (Now if they could only make the Daily Show's web site work properly. They just made it worse, though, by going over to Windows Media format entirely. Maybe it's their attempt at subtle web humor? ;-)

Well, I guess they all have four more years of good material ...

Just that it will be you paying the prize, too. http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4044& n=1

Yea--the Republicans have even been trying to get minorities to vote.

I thought we were all supposed to come out and vote on Wednesday, Nov 3.

Everybody knows voting day is November 3: http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4043& n=1

Screw CNN, The Onion has a complete map already.