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Hard

You can find all the gory details here.

Despite President George's inclusion of Iran in the Axis of Evil, Iran has actually become a relatively moderate state. Women have the right to vote and can own businesses. There are actual free and fair elections. It's got a lot of fundamentalists with power, but the same can be said of the U. S. of A.

have you seen those TV commercials about buying drugs "helps kill judges" because you are funding terrorists? These commercials forget to mention that:

• buying drugs might actually fund the CIA
  
• buying gasoline for your AmeriKKKan car might actually fund Middle Eastern terrorists
  

gopher://gopher.URr00t3d.ru

...with or without the robotic exoskeleton?

We're not all "1337 L1NuX d00dz" any more than FreeBSD users are all bitter, reclusive fatasses who spew their sadly misplaced elitism at users of other operating systems. You just have to recognize that there're some in every crowd.

There's nothing fucking sadder than a bunch of OS geeks sitting around complaining about how uncool those other OS geeks are. Jesus Christ, did the WAT fall apart already?

THE ONION story

Your link doesn't work, numb nutz. Try this one: let the fucking begin!

So click !

The answer is that tragedy is always funny. Exactly how funny is a matter of timing, though.

Yes, but the article says, "Assuming you could rewrite the entire world IP law," so let's pretend, just for a moment, that all the corrupt politicians have decided to spend their campaign contributions on a nice Caribbean cruise, and, in a temporary fit of insanity, they have left us in charge of the world. After we have finished our nuclear strike on France and begun emergency shipments of vowels to Eastern Europe, how shall we reform copyright law?

I had a great idea: Wireless earpieces for cellphones. That wire is a pain to deal with. Of course, it almost feels like a similar idea to a remote controlled remote.

Somone's going to make a pile of cash off this idea, aren't they?

Was this study perchance done by the Center For Figuring Out Really Obvious Things? People want to see space? Whouda thunk it...

Well they did kill some civilians

Did you know that there was a day care center on the Death Star?

"As a stormtrooper and father of three, I'm very excited about the new day care center," Death Star citizen Ralph Sedgwick said. "It's a safe, nurturing environment, one in which my child will learn."

So, they definitely HAVE to be made homosexual, because:

• Armies nevertheless always tend towards homosexuality. This is why the Dune emperor Leto II had his army of fish-speakers exclusively female...
• Having scores of identical homosexual soldiers solve one of the biggest military problems: coping up with sex urge. Having soldiers go down on prostitutes brings a lot of V.D. problems. Having all identical soldiers having sex upon themselves simply eliminates the V.D. problems.
• It neatly solves logistical problems, since you can have two or more soldiers sleep in the same bed.
• Likewise, they certainly don't mind that, in the shower, other soldiers see their weenies and have a kick out of it!!!
• Gay soldiers don't procreate, so their minds are freed from concern for their offspring, so they can merrily march to slaughter.
• And they don't worry for their lovers because since they are all interchangeable, they know that their lovers will be taken good care of.
• Gay soldiers won't also go and rape women of other worlds. They'll probably not rape men either because they have ready access to themselves.
• Spartan elite troops were exclusively gay, so that they could demonstrate bravery in front of their lovers (but of course, having clones would mean that by all being identical, they would not have to boast to others).

• If the clones are all identical, why are there ranks within the clone army?
• Gays are often posing as hyper-macho. Is it why Jango Fett is latino?
• Come to think of it, if Jango Fett has to have Boba cloned-off him, then is he gay?
• But then, if Jango Fett is gay, they don't have to genetically change that in the clones...
• So, Jango Fett was deliberatly chosen because, amongst other "qualities", he was gay...
• Finally, Boba Fett being so much cuter than Anakin definitely means that even if he won't fall for other men, other men will definitely fall for him...

...consult with the expert .

>>no, i'm pretty sure the hijackers deserved it.

Whoever you are, you're absolutely right. I wan't thinking about those bastards when I wrote that though.

I'm sure that the hijackers are having a great time in Hell

WTC Photos

Some English names for other peace makers are the class of ship known as the "Destroyer", air craft names such as "Vampire", "Mosquito", and "Hellcat". With a little more reflection, you will see the truth and utility of such names.

Remember the destruction of the Death Star killed many innocent sentient beings. Did you know that there was a day care center on the Death Star? No you did not! Nor did you care about all of those innocent children, just like the Oklahoma City bombing. Have you ever considered the environmental consequences destroying the Death Star had? It was a global extinction level event. A whole planet perrished. See what your petty morals get you when you fight law and order?

Feel the power of hatred, let it make you strong and one with the Emperor. Fight for what is orderly and strong.

That logo reminds me of one of my alltime favourite Onion articles about Dolphins growing opposable thumbs. 'Oh shit' says humanity!

Somewhere, there is a mountain of Jar-Jar Binks plastic toys awaiting recycling into Rubbermaid trashcans.

Kinda reminds me of something I read before.

Man, I love the Onion.

This Onion article shows how ludicrous the music industry's claims are.

This Onion article shows how ludicrous the music industry's claims are.

American Way that is...

Where else in the world can a company exist for the sole purpose of sueing people?

In a loosely related article, MS patents the Binary System of Numbers.

I know, it's an oldie, but it's still good!

I think you should settle with them, but ONLY if they agree to sue major companies also, in order to maintain fair practices. If they don't agree, file a big press release to get public opinion on your side. I see ./ has already brought you a lot of attention.
This is the Onion come to life: Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes

As much as it's a joke about South Jersey, Wawa is actually a Southeastern Pennsylvania phenomenon. The corporate headquarters is located in Wawa Pennsylvania (near Media, if that helps any), site of the original Wawa dairy farms.

Believe me when I tell you that there are an assload of Wawas in my neck of the woods. In my twenty-minute commute to work, I pass three of them, and there are two additional ones in easy driving range from my office.

Tack on to your list of "you know you're in [insert Wawa area name here]" quips: "...when you say to your friend, "let's go pick up a couple of shorties," and he knows you're not talking about children or skateboards."

"As the article points out, there are only 250,000 Navajo speakers left on the planet... Surely they should be concentrating on languages that ... will be the most likely to survive long in to the future."

Like Klingon.

Oh, yeah, cause right between the adulterers and the murderers we have a spot for anti-trust violators.

Probably in the new 10th circle.

I can't believe nobody has mentioned this...
Monk Gloats Over Yoga Championship
"I am the serenest!" *g*

Nike to Cease Manufacturing Products

"From now on, we'll focus on just making ads," says CEO.

Why hello there Comic Shop Guy!

Some people out there appear to think they "know" things not yet proven by science: The Onion. Scary!

If you're using a computer to post the message... then you're seeing particles tunnel. Many junctions that form the gates in the chips in your computer work by tunneling electrons.

Proof enough for me. Also, in my experience, the predictions of Lloyd Schumner Sr. Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer have been as accurate for me as any horoscope in the paper.
:-D

NASA is an industrial subsidy in disguise. At least that's what this article from The Onion says.

According to the Economist, NASA is an industrial subsidy in disguise: Point/Counterpoint

80 Billion Tons of Jar-Jar Merchandise Now 70% Off

Gotta love the Onion.

Envision this: 80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off - September 1999

WASHINGTON, DC--According to a Department of Health and Human Services report released Monday, McDonald's meat from antibiotics-injected livestock is now the primary source of antibiotics for U.S. children, particularly for uninsured youths from low-income households.

"Unfortunately, some children still fall through the cracks in our health-care system, but luckily, McDonald's is there to lend a helping hand," Secretary of Health and Human Services Tommy Thompson said at a press conference announcing the findings. "So even if a child's family has no health insurance and can't afford medicine, virtually anyone can afford a delicious 99-cent Big Mac with pickles, cheese, and a heapin' helpin' of [the antibiotic] quinupristin- dalfopristin."

In HHS tests, 82 percent of children who had not been properly inoculated were still found to have significant levels of antibiotics in their bloodstreams. The antibiotics, the tests concluded, were the result of sustained intake of McDonald's meat.

"Disadvantaged children tend to eat at McDonald's a lot, which is a good thing," Thompson said. "If you think about it, where else are these kids going to get their fluoroquinolone?"

Large-scale meat producers, Thompson noted, routinely add antibiotics to the feed of healthy animals to prevent cross-infection in the crowded, cramped quarters where livestock are typically raised. In the U.S., the average beef steer receives eight times more antibiotics than its human counterpart.

"When your daughter gets strep throat, head straight over to McDonald's and prescribe her a delicious Quarter Pounder or nine-piece Chicken McNuggets," Thompson said. "She'll not only receive the amoxycillin she needs to get better, but also a whole array of growth hormones proven to speed a child's physical development."

"And if your child prefers Burger King or Wendy's," he continued, "that's fine, too. Any of the big fast-food chains can get them healthy."

While all Americans benefit from the 25 million pounds of antibiotics fed to chickens, pigs, and cows each year, children stand to gain the most, U.S. Sen. Richard Lugar (R-IN) said.

Above: A young cow is injected with penicillin at a farm that supplies Burger King.

"Children weigh less than adults, so when they eat a hamburger, they get a proportionally more potent dose of antibiotics," said Lugar, who is among the Senate's strongest proponents of fast-food-based health care. "These antibiotics are vital in the treatment of such common childhood ailments as sore throat, ear infection, and hoof rot."

According to Lugar, waiting in a crowded doctor's office may soon be a thing of the past.

"Every day, food scientists are discovering new antibiotics, growth hormones, and other chemically engineered substances to inject into the nation's beef supply," Lugar said. "And with Americans working longer and longer hours just to make ends meet, people can't afford to waste time sitting around some waiting room until their name is called. Unlike a doctor, our fast-food providers can deliver a full spectrum of antibiotics in minutes--hot, fresh, and with a smile."

In conjunction with the Department of Health and Human Services, Burger King will soon release a brochure, "Happy And Healthy The Burger King Way," which outlines a 14-day plan for the treatment of bacterial infections.

In the leaflet, a cartoon cow in a medical coat reminds parents to give their infected children two daily doses of antibiotic-treated meat for 14 days. If the condition does not improve after 10 days, the parent or guardian of the ailing child is instructed to contact a store manager.

"If your child has a sinus infection, he or she can drop by before and after school for a Double Cheeseburger 50cc Meal or a delicious Chicken Tetracycline," Burger King spokeswoman Linda Jacobs said. "As we're fond of saying here at Burger King, 'This won't hurt a bite!'"

Though representatives say they're pleased with the praise it has received, the fast-food industry does not intend to rest on its laurels.

"Repeated use of antibiotics will result in increased resistance to antibiotics in new strains of bacteria," said Carl Pickney, lab researcher for TriCon Global, the fast-food conglomerate that owns KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut. "That's why we need to encourage our meat suppliers to continually raise the levels of antibiotics in their meat, developing newer, stronger antibiotics to replace those that no longer work. We're making good progress, but we've still got a whole lot of meat to modify."

Copy and pasted from TheOnion

Did anyone else read the title on this and think they'd accidentally gone to The Onion instead of slashdot?

It may have fancy hardware, but is it any good in a fight?

This is not a waste of taxpayers money.

Really? The USPTO whines that it is 'overworked and underpaid'...dismissing this patent would have been 30 minutes or more that could have been spent examining whether serving a page with a computer system such that it appears the same to many users has any prior art or not.

I have a sense of humor--I just don't like it when real life starts to be indistinguishable from the Onion.

are you sure you aren't Herbert Kornfeld

Don't nobody respect no whiny a$$ busta who always crying about how somebody else took they whatevah.

I want a hand-out not a hand-up!

Prosecutors also accused Parker Brothers officials of money-laundering, both in offshore accounts and so-called "under the board" money. Parker Brothers attorneys argued that the extra funds were due to a bank error in the company's favor, but prosecutors cited tax forms showing that the company opted to pay a flat income tax, per Atlantic City law, rather than have 10 percent of its gross worth calculated. Receipts for a luxurious diamond ring taxed at $75, presented late in the prosecution phase, proved similarly damaging to the defense.

Federal Judge Rules Parker Brothers Holds Monopoly Monopoly

CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND--Nobel Prize-winning physicist Stephen Hawking stunned the international scientific community Monday with his latest breakthrough, a remarkably advanced cybernetic exoskeleton designed to replace his wheelchair.
Hawking, paralyzed since early adulthood with the degenerative nerve disease ALS, unveiled the new creation at a press conference at Cambridge University.
"I am faster, stronger... better than before," Hawking told reporters via his suit's built-in voice synthesizer.

Here - teenager says that the 23rd century sucks.