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Those little yellow red commie bastards want to contol all the green cheese. President Bush won't stand for it!

How will they pull this off? They won't. The Zhti Ti Kofft would never tolerate it! Besides, I don't think they really intend to. It is just another plot to scam investors like buying land on the moon. Former California Governor Jerry Brown was nicknamed "moonbeam" for falling for that scam. They are looking for suckers, and there is one born every minute.

Chips and pins are not the solution. What we need to do is tattoo national ID numbers on everyone's foreheads and right forearms. Where did this idea come from? George Bush.

Who are you calling a ho? Fat man!

Polyethelene might protect astronauts from solar and cosmic radiation, but it won't stop a Destructo-Ray or the infamous Zhti Ti Kofft!

Polyethelene might protect astronauts from solar and cosmic radiation, but it won't stop a Destructo-Ray or the infamous Zhti Ti Kofft!

So, they are going to publicly sacrifice some scapegoats to try to maintain the illusion that it was a virus? Typical microshaft!

All the dorks at GenCon better be careful. There is a volcano cult looking for virgins to sacrifice!

This could be used as a tool for big brother, not just 911 calls. You are as naive as a child if you don't see the dark possibilities in this. The FCC commissioners probably only see a new toy to play with in this tracking technology, and have no concept of the monster they are creating. Those who will exploit it are counting on the FCC to not "get it".

This could be used as a tool for big brother, not just 911 calls. You are as naive as a child if you don't see the dark possibilities in this. The FCC commissioners probably only see a new toy to play with in this tracking technology, and have no concept of the monster they are creating. Those who will exploit it are counting on the FCC to not "get it".

Sometimes free is bad. The WiFi is free, but the advertisers bombarding you with sales pitches know exactly where you are. If the network's security is cracked, a lot more people than just salesmen know exactly where you are! It would be even better for Big Brother than webcams!

Turning a typewriter into a computer keyboard might even give you an "any" key if you can get an old Typewriters International of Toledo model.

Weapons in space will draw the attention of extraterrestrials, and they won't be popping by to chat. Look at what they did to CONTOUR.

Weapons in space will draw the attention of extraterrestrials, and they won't be popping by to chat. Look at what they did to CONTOUR.

There is a worse problem than the radiation. If the Zhti Ti Kofft find invaders on their soil, not only are those astronauts toast, but we might all be! They are already among us.

There is a worse problem than the radiation. If the Zhti Ti Kofft find invaders on their soil, not only are those astronauts toast, but we might all be! They are already among us.

Our "trip to Mars" with live astronauts will be faked in Arizona just like our recent unmanned probes.

No, but Bush sure doesn't want red China to control all the green cheese. He wants to capture that from the moon. Read more.

Wiring? They don't understand no stinkin' wiring! If they are actually going to use the Shuttle again, then the X-4000 Launch Apparatus must be way behind schedule.

This should come as a surprise to no one. The Uncoveror reported what they had done to McNuggets a long time ago! And to think, people accuse us of making up Chick'n and Treemeat.

This should come as a surprise to no one. The Uncoveror reported what they had done to McNuggets a long time ago! And to think, people accuse us of making up Chick'n and Treemeat.

This should come as a surprise to no one. The Uncoveror reported what they had done to McNuggets a long time ago! And to think, people accuse us of making up Chick'n and Treemeat.

This should come as a surprise to no one. The Uncoveror reported what they had done to McNuggets a long time ago! And to think, people accuse us of making up Chick'n and Treemeat.

It won't even half confirm existing theories if the aliens don't let this probe smash into the comet in the first place. After all, they took out CONTOUR.

Not all of NASA's upcoming launch vehicles will look like the shuttle. The X-4000 Launch Aparatus will resemble a giant catapult.

This Jedi faith is quaint, but you will be better off by far in the one true religion, The Elvites! Praise be unto The King!

(insert favorite Zippy the Pinhead joke here)

It is ironic that NASA will actually call this the Phoenix Lander. It will really be in Arizona's Painted Desert, which isn't far from Phoenix.

Whether this probe finds water on Mars depends on if the Zhti Ti Kofft decide to let it. They didn't tolerate Mars Polar Lander or Mars Climate Orbiter, and the probes we have recently seen pictures from are really in Arizona's Painted Desert.

Whether this probe finds water on Mars depends on if the Zhti Ti Kofft decide to let it. They didn't tolerate Mars Polar Lander or Mars Climate Orbiter, and the probes we have recently seen pictures from are really in Arizona's Painted Desert.

Whether this probe finds water on Mars depends on if the Zhti Ti Kofft decide to let it. They didn't tolerate Mars Polar Lander or Mars Climate Orbiter, and the probes we have recently seen pictures from are really in Arizona's Painted Desert.

Maybe they got the idea from Microsoft, who sued Pella and Andersen over the use of the term, "windows".

The V-chip is not about protecting the children. It is a surveillance device. This new software version for computers is probably no different.

Here's the deal. Methane is used by the Zhti Ti Kofft as an energy source in their underground cities. Sometimes, some of it escapes to the surface. They may in fact be running out of methane, because they have shown interest in our power plants.

Here's the deal. Methane is used by the Zhti Ti Kofft as an energy source in their underground cities. Sometimes, some of it escapes to the surface. They may in fact be running out of methane, because they have shown interest in our power plants.

What's that? A giant "laserbeam"?

Metric Shmetric! It was the Zhti Ti Kofft. They will shoot down this probe too.

A space elevator would be an even bigger boondoggle than the X-4000 Launch Aparatus.

After all, the next Windows will be a version of BSD, a rip-off of Mac OSX. Claims of BSD's death are greatly exaggerated.

It's not Kentucky Fried Chicken any more. Now it's Alabama Fried Chicken, or maybe Generically Southern Fried Chicken, but they have disowned Kentucky! Whether it is even chicken is another question.

It's not Kentucky Fried Chicken any more. Now it's Alabama Fried Chicken, or maybe Generically Southern Fried Chicken, but they have disowned Kentucky! Whether it is even chicken is another question.

Good idea, but try getting through a metal detector!

If they use a rocket, it will be a short-lived fireball. If they use the X-4000 Launch Aparatus, it will be the world's largest paper wad. Maybe they should take it to the top of a hill, and just give it a push.

Tin foil wrapper? Try getting that through a metal detector! Read more.

The Zhti Ti Kofft will crush are puny nanobot army, and then punish is for attempting a large scale invasion. It may be the twilight of humanity! If we want the blue planet to remain ours, we need to respect that the red planet is theirs,

Don't be so quick to dismiss these pop-up ads. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Star Wars in 3-D isn't as ridiculous as what Ted Turner wanted to do.

Funny that you mention IBM. They were Carly Fiorina's real employer, and her mission was to destroy HP. It looks like she pulled it off.

Speaking of Bush, He went into a tizzy when China said they wanted to go to the moon; an obvious plot to control the lucrative green cheese market. Japan wanting to do the same will certainly get his panties in a bunch!

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