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Oh hell I'm a retard.

So why yo be lookin up crack when yo can take it, huh? What yo wan' look up Crack for? Look, yo just check out this free blast! You no be redding this piece of shit no morl afta this blast. Yo be coming back for mor' right? A dollar fo' blast, or a bump for $5! Am I right? No shit, man, you get the best high with my crack. Its like no like any other shit on this motherfucking planet! I gonna rip yo off man, ya gonna be on a $200 day habit, that bad you wan' my crack shit!

Also, the instructions below will allow you to defeat any copy protection. Period. Just substitute "cheap CD walkman" for "stereo." Caution- doing this in the United Statesor other parts of the world may be a felony. Those in less corrupt, more civilized parts of the world need not fear.

Yes I got the humor there but I got to bed late last night. So I shall pedantically point out, as if you weren't just joking, that Parker Brothers owns the copyright to Monopoly.

-mcgrew

Yes I got the humor there but I got to bed late last night. So I shall pedantically point out, as if you weren't just joking, that Parker Brothers owns the copyright to Monopoly.

-mcgrew

Are these shinies huffable?

In the country formerly known as Soviet Russia, the animal formerly known as a kitten says waste to a non-ninja mammal formerly known as you.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:Killerkitty8qa.jpg

Kitten are (...) impervious to all types of magic, including magic cast by flapjacks. Physical combat is ineffective againts them, so the only conceivable way to defeat a kitten is to trap it in a laundry basket.

Sources and further reading: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten#Kitten_Feeding_Behaviour

Good observation!

The number of edit on wikipedia is going down. one reason can be that on the most popular topics everything has been written. But i think the real trouble is that wiki/fanbboys-regulars are busy applying their rule this is spam, and this is vandalism, original research, and in the end they forget the `bold edit` guideline. As a result new editors will be scared of, and the current editors will tell to themselves they are doing a fine job. new editors and old editors both are right in their POV.

if you dont like wikipidia no more. GO and Multiply the nonsense or publish a book or a blog, and buy a real encyclopedia.

Personally I get my medical information from the intarwebs. I'm still alive, so it must be working. You can also find new hobbies to take up. My favorite new hobby is kitten huffing. Man, those orange ones really fuck you up!

Zombie Jesus has nothing on Cheezus.

Or Zombie Jesus could be moving the rocks from his burial point.

I don't mean to whine, but why was I modded 'Redundant'? Nitpicky though my comment was, the information I provided was neither in the summary, nor in the article linked to, nor in any comment. This doesn't seem 'Redundant' to me.

The Aristocrats!
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats

Is this what you were thinking of?

Your boy might also like Animal Crossing, a GameCube game with a lot of the same ideas. It works fine on a Wii, and a native Wii version is rumored to be in the works.

X [] O

In 1979, the US Copyright Office granted a world wide copyright to the late Mr. Adams, who thought he still had plenty of time left. The copyright will not expire until you, too, are long late. The copyright was on a wholly remarkable book based on a radio play.

I never heard of the book. Indeed, nobody outside Islington (at least, nobody important) heard of it, either.

Also unheard of by anybody that matters is another book, called Uncyclopedia". In many of the nerdier civilizations in the outer eastern rim of the internet, Uncyclopedia has already displaced the great Wikipedia Britannica as the standard repository of all knowlege and wisdom, for though it has many ommissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it's free, and second, it has the words "FOO BAR" in large, friendly letters on its cover.

Why do we keep putting crap in phones?

I don't need a tire pressure gauge, a fountain pen, blood pressure monitor, or a cigarette lighter in my phone. I'll use my phone for making phone calls.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/New_%22voice_chat%22_feature_proposed_for_mobile_phones

I will gladly pay the protection money to Yahoo to keep DRM away.

Not me. I not only want downloads to be free of DRM, but free of cost. MP3s should be the same as a commercial - they cost the band/label/company a small sum up front, but result in later sales.

If my friends can get you to listen to their stuff, you're likely to like it and go to their shows and buy their CDs. Buy their CDs, not "license" them. Unlike the RIAA labels and the bands (and bands' copyrights) the labels own, most indie musicians (including my friends) aren't thieves.

As Michael Crawford pointed out several years ago on K5, there are Tens of Thousands of free, Legal Music Downloads on the internet, which he linked in his article (I believe he has the story mirrored on his own site).

As I pointed out on my site, Yahoo sucks! If you use their "music search" (unless they've fixed it; the linked blagh entry is from Oct 2005) their only links are to music download sales. Free music isn't listed at all! I won't redundantly go into detail in this comment as I ranted enough two years ago. Where'd those horse bones go?

What's worse, "do no evil" Google is no better. Despite the fact that the love of money is the root of all evil, money is all they're about. Google's "advanced search" lets you search for specific file types, but not MP3s!

Yahoo (and Google) are on the side of mammon. Our internet (yes, fellow nerds, OUR internet) that started out as a free repository, free as in beer and free as in speech, has been nearly 100% co-opted by the god of Mammon, so badly that none of you remember the old internet, where we would bitch and moan and threaten boycotts of any site that dared es much as showed a banner ad (yes, even I've caved somewhet, having Google ads at the bottom of pages).

Now the internet is nearly 100% about commerce, with only a few truly free places. Yay sites like Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia. The Onion is another; they do commerce, but they don't shove it in your face and even have fake ads that make fun of internet advertising.

But these places are few and far between.

Someone needs to make a REAL music search; one where you can find not only The Station's CDs and paid downloads, but SHNs and Oggs of live shows. You can find them, but it ain;t easy.

This has no value at all to me. I don't buy downloads (OR bottled water, fools). MP3s are and should be free. When I buy music, I buy CDs from the bands at their shows. If I want RIAA dreck, I can get MP3s free off of the radio.

Buying MP3s, buying bottles of the same water that used to come free from drinking fountains, what's next, buying air?

-mcgrew

PS: Get off my lawn you damned stupid kids. And take your WMAs and bottled water with you!

In March of 2001, George Bush made the NUKING LIST. This list taught the world's gentlemen which places, creatures, terrorists and types of toffee to nuke. Some popular examples include Iran, Syria, Holland, Japanese People, Basmati rice, and the Taj Mahal. "The Nuke List" * Mexico * Iran * People who disconnect during online video gaming sessions. Bastards * Holland, because they have pot * ESRB headquarters * Greenpeace * TiVo * All forms of the word "clams" * Yu-gi-oh * Pokemon * People who read this list (look up and duck for cover) * Your mom * Myspace * Starbucks * Apple (note: something might happen) * Apple (again) * All forms of linux * All linux users (note: communists) * Hilary Clinton * Steve Jobs (BOOM!) * Jack Thompson * The devil http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nuke#The_Nuking_List/

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Wil_Wheaton

he also played the following

Stand by Me (1986) - Jerry O'Connell's leg double (uncredited)
The NeverEnding Story III (1994) - Beaver Boy (uncredited)
Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000) - Bartender
Bratz (2006) - Trendy Girl (voice)
Transmorphers (2007) - Solider

Asperger's is a real and fairly uncommon developmental disorder and probably not appreciably more common on slashdot than anywhere else.

You may be confusing it with the similarly-named Assburger's Syndrome, which is indeed rampant on this and many other websites.

TFA 2006.

See also: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bert :)

Wikipedia
Urban Dictionary
Encyclopedia Dramatica
Uncyclopedia

Enjoy!

Could someone explain the key differences between GPLv2 and GLPv3?

Sure. GPLv2 was written by people on crack, while GPLv3 was written by people who huff kittens.

-Steve Ballmer

In a similar vein, the Uncyclopedia article on Java is pretty funny. Especially the comparison with other languages below the Java Hello World...

my computer asploded

Actually those immigration forms foreigners have to fill out upon entering the US are not that far off from your questionaire.

Actually, I used to find those "Are you an evil kitten-huffing war-criminal terrorist? yes/no (If yes, please bribe your local embassy official before travelling)" stupid until I got the point:

Kitten huffing and other unamerican practices may or may not be against federal or state law - and attempting to arrest or deport someone for it could run into trouble from pinko liberal hippy lawyers muttering obscenities like "probable cause", "jurisdiction" or "it was all done in Photoshop". However, supplying false information on an immigration form is - praise the lord - very illegal and they can arrest you like mad for that.

Welcome, to the real world

Iconcurcaffeineisofgreatvalue!

Sending a load to Apple may get you in a lot of trouble. I mean this guy got a big fine for it. (no not This Guy)

If you wish to have an interesting time, check out http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/GameUncyclopedia's games. They've redone all the Zork games (read: made it so you're eaten by a Grue every step you take or so), plus other odd ones. Plus, some games are in fact works in progress, so you can try out the "Wiki" approach you mentioned. Note: some parts may be NSFW.

I think the answer is here.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Intelligent_Design_fo r_Dummies

Just because a girl more beautiful than any who ever talked to you is bearing my children doesn't make me a Scientologist.

I'm an Invitologist.

1. Don't mention God. You'll start another flamewar and we'll have to hear about FSM vs Kthulu all over again for no good reason because TFA isn't about that. That nonsense is what fark comments are for.
2. Using M$ for Microsoft is pedantic. Don't do it. Lots of people hate the Beast but like money. Like the devil in old folk tales, don't name them but talk about them less directly. You see how I'm referring to them as if they were the culture assimilating soul destroying Borg without actually saying it? That lets other people know they want to be in on the joke. It's a subtlety thing. I like to call it "peer reference pressure."
3. One exclamation helps! Two don't?
4. Have a signature that tersely expresses your wry wit.
5. Location, location, location. Being frist psot seldom hurts.
6. When following up with a post like this one, be sure to mention that Mandriva is well supported by major vendors like HP (8 different models each of laptops and desktop/workstations). That way you won't be too far off topic.
7. If you use links, try to work in one that's funny and on point at the same time.
8. All ordered lists must end with ...profit!

Here's an example of this done goodlier: Thank goodness

I don't see what the big deal is with simulated space travel, after all NASA has been doing it for years.

I wonder what the artificial memory seemed like to the critter in the jar. Probably something like "whoa, I'm tripping!"

The Schneidics Institute needs one of these labs for nemory experiments. Or maybe it needs not to have one, and never know the difference.

I wonder what the artificial memory seemed like to the critter in the jar. Probably something like "whoa, I'm tripping!"

The Schneidics Institute needs one of these labs for nemory experiments. Or maybe it needs not to have one, and never know the difference.

Speaking of cats, I've long suspected Kitten Huffing to be the explanation for Ballmer's love for developers (and chair throwing.)

Well then, I'm guessing either part of your manliness has died, or you've somehow gotten one of those mythical "Girlfriends" people always talk about

The entire parent post is lifted from Uncyclopedia, "the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit": http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/BSD_is_Dying. Their featured article for the day is about global cooling in the 25th century: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Global_Cooling. I assume the two pages are equally accurate.

The entire parent post is lifted from Uncyclopedia, "the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit": http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/BSD_is_Dying. Their featured article for the day is about global cooling in the 25th century: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Global_Cooling. I assume the two pages are equally accurate.

The sole reason to install Linux is to feel superior to other computer users. Unfortunately for the Linux user community, distributions like Ubuntu have made it too easy for everyone to get a working Linux box -- they no longer have anything to make them feel special.

Installing a working Linux box used to require over 550 man hours, learning a Nordic language, sacrificing a goat, wading through hundreds of pages of (purposely) inscrutable help files, and in some cases programming a new driver in UNIVAC assembly code using nothing but punch cards while walking miles through the snow barefoot on the wrong side of the tracks and uphill both ways. Today, Linux distros are so idiot-proof that you can put their install CDs into the floppy drive upside-down and the fucker will still work.

Old-school Linux users were desperate to find a new way to feel superior. Some migrated to versions of BSD, others gave into baroque feats of self-torture like multi-booting 4 different operating systems from one USB drive. But it didn't have the same appeal as abusing other operating systems for their lack of 1337n355.

In this dark hour there was a new hope: Gentoo Linux, a distribution designed for users possessing that delicate combination of insecurity and masochism that results in an obsession with obscurity, optimization, and huge dollops of pain and frustration. Gentoo has sated all of these urges.

Enter the idea of a "haemorrhaging edge" distro: Gentoo. It is the exemplar of the term "haemorrhaging edge" -- there is no piece of software too advanced, too experimental, or too downright dangerous for the main tree. (If the users don't have a chance to crash their box at least once a week due to new and untested software they will swarm onto the forums and accuse Gentoo of "going all Debian" on them.)

anyone with an above average IQ can spot the bias and non-news items pretending to be the news.

At Uncyclopedia, we bring you UnNews that parodies real news to show how fake the real news companies have become. UnNews is your up to the minute source of news misinformation.

Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!

We actually know for a fact that Jesus rode a raptor into Jersualem: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Legitimate_Bib lical_archeologists_discover_raptor_tracks_in_Jeru salem/