Slashdot Mirror

...it's nice to see that Baghdad Bob has gotten himself a new gig.

Hell, he did wonderful things for saddam ;-)

Iraqi Information Minister

So *that*'s what happened to the Iraqi Information Minister!

Now that isn't as strong as Putin's statement, but taken with Bagdad Bob you could stretch it.

Umn. He has used WMD's in the past, and made no indications that they had all been destroyed (like he was supposed to). Nor had he made any indications that the weapons plans had been stopped.

In fact, the only person who thought it was *obvious* there were no WMD's was this guy

They can't just go into bankruptcy. I hope that their case will be settled first. Otherweise there may be another company that buys them just to spread more, bigger and better FUD.

Today there was a Q&Q^HA with SCO's VC Gregory Blepp and their contracted PR company here called each us (up to two times) just to convince us that I'd be rewarding and interesting to attend this sort of inofficial press conference. But no none would go and the marketing guy sounded a bit troubled. But what can _the_ most-despised IT-company expect? The'll have to hire the former Iraqi information minister to get more attention by the media.

English <-> MMS?

Hey now... dont you DARE insult the beloved Information Minister like that! There are some things even HE would not support.

I was actually more reminded, after reading Darl's paranoid blatherings, of the character William Shatner played in the Twilight Zone episode about the gremlin that was tearing his plane apart.

You see ... they're all ... out to get ... me ... I must carry ... a gun ... and hire goons ... to protect me ... Those Open ... Source ... people ... they're everywhere! ... They are ... listening in on my ... phone conversations ... and slash ... dotting ... my company's ... website!

1. Keep it on-topic. Obviously, this is the most important thing to remember.

2. Post early. Most moderating is done when there are less than 100 posts on a story. This is extremely important. There may be hundreds of posts on a topic, so naturally it is the most important thing to remember of all.

3. Use something familiar. Everyone has apparently seen Monty Python, but nobody seems to have the exact specifics of the very funny Iraq Information minister nailed down. example:

There is no open source licence. These GPL boffins would have you believe that in America they give away software for free. But it is all lies! I triple gauruntee that there is no free nasa software, allah be praised. The United States has said that they are approaching the free software front cautiously, but when they besige us, we will surround them it will be them who will be beseiged, allah willing. We will sell them our proprietary space software for only 299 dinar and a shoe.

This site has loads of quotes from the Information Minister which says that that post ought to be funny, but it is only a +2, funny. Oh well. The weighing of the duck scene seems to be popular as well, directly quoted with no imaginitive inserts. So much for creativity. You must be creative or you won't stand out. Creativity therefore is the most important rule to remember in posting to /.

4. Browse at a very low threshold for a little while (a LITTLE while, prolonged low threshold has been shown to drive moderators insane, hence the moderating system) to see what doesn't work, what gets modded troll, how offtopic you have to be to get modded offtopic, etc. Knowing where the boundaries are will make you a better poster. There can be no doubt that this is the most important thing of all.

5. By all means, take a good idea and run with it. But don't go too far. Examples:

All your somethings belong to us
1. something 2. ??? 3. Profit!!!
In Soviet Russia the Somethings verb you!

These have to be really funny or they don't make it. Having a set plan is good, but knowing when too much of a good thing is really too much is of the utmost importance.

Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) wrote:

By the way, recall that Linus himself predicted the corporate desktop is still 10 years off.

And what did Saeed al-Sahaf predict?

Yeah, good analogy. Going through the SLT article reminded me of the Iraqi Information Minister..... Same kind of FUD and empty threats. Do you believe any of it ? I know I don't.

Kinda reminds me of this guy.

Let em go, they're on a roll

Sorru. Looked intoths on Ssunsolve. This is a fabrication, readers of Slashdot. This guy is like Al Sahaf Comincal Ali. Perhaps you should make your home page Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.).

Despite your lies and claims to be an uber hacker with r00t shells, more like you ried to run a root kit, you exploits are no longer valid.

So all of this is basic lies and subterfuge to show the Slashdot crowd what a manyou are. I like that about you, the desparate liar.

WindowsXP a lamer OS as well, you should be using Windows 2000. But you like the teletubby theme. Solaris is god and you use it and your lies are just FUD.

So your showcasing, self-aggrandizement, grandstanding, lies, FUD are all ignored.

GO mke some low hook turns under a canopy.

Now it all becomes clear. The Iraqi Information Minister has moved to the U.S. and disguised himself as Darl McBride.

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place."
- Iraqi Information Minister

"IBM's claims are barred by fraud, illegality, collusion, conspiracy and/or lack of clean hands,"
- SCO Information Minister

Their stance on DRM makes their AAC criticism look foolish. Do they not have a public relations office?

Sure they do. You didn't think this guy would remain unemployed for very long, did you?

Who do you think came up with these recent statements released by Microsoft?

"We are not afraid of Apple. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"Those infidels at Apple, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies. Microsoft will bring you freedom. Microsoft will honor the faithful with freedom of choice by our glorious innovation and commitment to drive those one-mouse-button infidels into the sea."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of Cupertino. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly. "

"Their [Apple's] failure in this regard is abysmal. They want to tell the world changes thought - as a matter of fact, they do not respect the world, they want to tell users and the music-buying public to keep them deceived. We will embroil them and their music service, confuse them and keep them in the quagmire. They have begun to tell more lies about their proprietary system so that they might continue with the perpetration of their crimes of prohibiting freedom. May they be accursed."

"Faltering forces of infidels cannot just take aim at our glorious company and lay besiege to it! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Jobs has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even iTunes is under siege."

"ITunes is like the braying of a mule and its customers deluded by promises of choice when they are, in truth, shackled by the proprietary system of an insignificant vendor. May Apple's stomach swell and rupture and its customers come crawling in abject humility to Microsoft's superior offerings. We will bring glorious triumph to those who remain faithful to Allah and his prophet, Ballmer. Gates akbar! Gates akbar!"

"so who do you think is going to be the first to jump at declaring it a hoax?"

I vote for the Iraqi Information Minister...

There are no Chinese in space. Never! --Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Don't worry, my lawyers will keep you in check. DeciJob/DJ(TM) is already trademarked and patented as a concept (how you ask? I just coded it into some software, and you know the rest . . . ).

Funny as hell, really. BTW, how many BagdadBobs are in a DeciJob? I think we now must inform them all that they are too far from reality. Or set them up the bomb. Or something :)

I expect to take 10 percent of the market in the first year. Ten percent of a $30 billion a year desktop market is huge. So, is it going to be more than 10 percent? I hope so, but in the next year I'd like to get a million users. There's a hundred million computers sold every year, I want to be in front of a million of those and two-million the next year.

Actually, I think Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (the Iraqi Information Minister) would be a better candidate.

Others agree.

I think SCO should hire the Iraqi Information Minister to spread propaganda. A portfolio of the Minister's work is available here

Here are some sample answers he could be giving in an interview:

Question: What do you think are your chances of winning a lawsuit against an industry giant like IBM?

"We are not afraid of [IBM]. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the walls of [the courts]. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

Question: Could you elaborate on the perceived media attacks being launched against SCO?
"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for [IBM]!"

"Lying is forbidden in [SCO]. President [McBride] will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."

Question: What do you think will be a result of your lawsuit against Linux users?

"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly."

"We will welcome them with [lawsuits] and shoes."

"Let the [Linux] infidels bask in their illusion"

Let the Zionist infidels bask in their illusion, but I triple guarantee you: there are absolutely NO power problems at all in the Five Boroughs.

I am not scared, and neither should you be! We will defeat the enemy spreading such rumors and use their own shoes to butcher them!

SCO's bizarre actions can only be explained by one thing: they've been taken over by Saddam Hussein and the Iraqi Information Minister! Next they'll be declaring that THERE ARE NO LINUX INFIDELS IN SCO. NEVER! OUR INITIAL ASSESSMENT IS THAT THEY WILL ALL DIE!

"I'm unaware of any company that would shortchange the customer in their speed to get the software to market," said Jonathan Thompson, vice president of the Washington-based trade group, which has more than 650 members.

That's great. I'd put Mr. Thompson right up there with the Iraqi Information Minister, and his "deathless quotes":

"There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"

"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis."

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

Oh, um... scratch that last one, ok?

And he gets better and better!

Thompson said customers need to have realistic expectations. He urged buyers to ask themselves two questions before plunking down cash for software: "What is it that I want this software to do?" and "Am I going to use this software as it's been marketed?"

Well, if I were to use Microsoft software "as it's been marketed", I'd expect to be using it to magically draw pretty pictures around my everyday activities, transforming a burned-out building shell into a stage with a spotlight.

"Make sure that your expectations are appropriate to what a product is marketing," he said.

What the hell does that mean? Intel marketed its product -- a chunk of finely-etched silicon in a plastic box -- with a bunch of blue guys. What expectations are appropriate in that case?

I know!

First of all, Americans are basking in this illusion that they defeated Iraq. We have detailed information about the situation which completely proves that what they allege are illusions.

U.S. forces were not in control of any airport. They are trying to fool you. They are showing any old pictures of buildings. It might as well be a Hollywood movie.

Then there's the fact that American soliders never got within 100 miles of Baghdad.

Finally, we have the Republican Guard fighters who are dancing because the city wall remained standing after they had crushed all the American and British forces.

I know!

First of all, Americans are basking in this illusion that they defeated Iraq. We have detailed information about the situation which completely proves that what they allege are illusions.

U.S. forces were not in control of any airport. They are trying to fool you. They are showing any old pictures of buildings. It might as well be a Hollywood movie.

Then there's the fact that American soliders never got within 100 miles of Baghdad.

Finally, we have the Republican Guard fighters who are dancing because the city wall remained standing after they had crushed all the American and British forces.

I know!

First of all, Americans are basking in this illusion that they defeated Iraq. We have detailed information about the situation which completely proves that what they allege are illusions.

U.S. forces were not in control of any airport. They are trying to fool you. They are showing any old pictures of buildings. It might as well be a Hollywood movie.

Then there's the fact that American soliders never got within 100 miles of Baghdad.

Finally, we have the Republican Guard fighters who are dancing because the city wall remained standing after they had crushed all the American and British forces.

Problem is he DOESN'T want to go to court.

"I thought it was best to telephone you and speak in person to see if we could resolve the issues between our companies short of litigation."

Oh and here is something amusing.

" I am disappointed that you were not more forthcoming about your intentions. I am also disappointed that you have chosen litigation rather than good faith discussions with SCO about the problems inherent in Linux."

Not more forthcoming? Isn't this SCO's entire business strategy for 2003-2004?

"Of course, we will prepare our legal response as required by your complaint. Be advised that our response will likely include counterclaims for copyright infringement and conspiracy."

Conspiracy? Is this guy off his medication again? Ye Gods! I believe this guy is gunning for the idiot of the year award. Before year end he will be more popular than my favorite idiot. The Iraqi Information Minister :D

In a free land, the broadcast news reflects what a free people want to hear. Often, that does not mean the truth, and sometimes is tainted pro-US...

Of course, Europe is basically as free as the US, and they also get the media they want as well, which is often tainted anti-US...

Meanwhile, in Iraq under Hussein, Iraqis could only legally listen to the spoutings of the M.S.S.. Now Iraqis can get satellite TV.

Not according to Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf! No American missile has struck the Ministry of Information building. Never!! We have mercilessly slaughtered all US missiles with shovels. Do not in fact repeat their lies! Lying is not allowed in Iraq, so do not believe this dwarf Bush's forked snake tongue. Their silly missiles are committing suicide on the walls of Baghdad. We will drink American blood!!

Dude...

That's a unique claim to make. Every other armchair speculator has figured the 970 would allow Apple to nearly regain parity. But to find that this chip will be "way ahead" of the 3.2 GHz P4 is remarkable.

I've got to give you props for originality. Many others feel the same way and pay homage here.

No, it's the Iraqi Information Minsiter!

<IRAQI-MINISTER>
I can say, and I am responsible for what I say that piracy is down due to our efforts against the infidel pirate dogs! They are commiting suicide against our valiant auditors! I triply guarantee this!

I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that that piracy is spiraling out of control. Of course, the pirates are most welcome. We will butcher them.
</IRAQI-MINISTER>

...it was well used by this man. Never underestimate what a company would do to keep up the illusion that they're winning.

Kjella

That SCO may be run by this guy?

"We do not see the dismissal as a loss, rather, we see it as a victory."

Repeat after me: There are no American Tanks in Baghdad

Darl McBride has been unmasked as the Iraqi Information minister!!!

Thank Allah... i thought he had died at the hands of the infidels that were not in Iraq!

There is no software bug. The Soyuz craft landed perfectly, Praise Allah. The infidel journalists reporting otherwise will roast in hell. In fact the are commiting suicide at the walls of Moscow.

M.S.S.

--sorry just been reading welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com What a riot that guy is/was.

This has been your daily quote from the Iraqi Information Minister

These guys (SCO) sound like they hired the old Information Minister from Iraq - whats-his-face Aziz...

Then I looked closely at the Register article. The source of this "news" is one man: Greg Palast.
Who is Greg Palast? Here's a taste of what he's written.

In an interview Palast said, "This guy (Dictator Hugo Chavez) is the real voice of democracy in Venezuela. ... Chavez is the Nelson Mandela of his country."

He accused Bush of "ethnic cleansing of the voter rolls" in the 2000 Election. Then he tried to one-up Baghdad Bob with this statement: "The 2004 race may already be decided - and the vote's just a formality." If he would've used just a little more Saeed-speak, he might have said: "My initial assessment is that the candidates will all lose. In fact, they are already committing concession of the race to Bush. There are no candidates within 1000 miles of the Washington. Never!"

Palast claimed that Saddam is "a Frankenstien created by Bush." Then he tried to discredit Bush by saying: "In the USA, Bush has successfully put a turban and beard on Saddam Hussein - most Americans have no idea that Osama and Saddam have no connection." This is quite funny, now that we have detailed documents on the meetings between Osama and Saddam going back to the 1980s. We've known about other evidence for a long time. IMO, the al-Qaeda training camp we found in northern Iraq should have at least make you think that the ties were more likely to exist than not

From what I've read of Palast, his perception about the motives of the Bush administration couldn't be more off-base. He is a virulent Bush hater and is blinded by his rage. His columns and interviews are full of exaggerated ad hominem and over-the-top crackpot conspiracy theories. This guy is a kook and a muckraker.

"Mr Saeed al-Sahaf, you triple guaranteed us that there were no American troops in Baghdad, and yet you have claimed asylum in the UK...."

Stop violating the DMCA by quoting this website's comments! All your base are belong to Hillary Rosen!

Lol. Sounds like something he'd say. I know this is offtopic, but if you wanna see more of the Iraqi Information Minister denying EVERYTHING, check out WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com. It's a pretty funny site. :)

I don't know what you're doing to make using make so hard. Automake is tough, but for a single project, which you dont intend to be porting to other systems, a Makefile containing the targets, the sourcefiles, and the commands to compile each takes about 30-60 seconds of typing per target (especially with copy and paste and variables for compiler options), assuming you know how your source files fit together. If you want to do fancy stuff, buy a book. (See B. Not all wisdom is oral.)"

The very existence of make is a dire threat to our very American way of life.

You should be ashamed of yourself, apologizing for make. Sadam Hussein is more deserving of such an analinguistically adept rim job that your flattering words give to the daemon-spawn make. Does your mother's mother know you've sunken so low?

There's a challenging job opening in Iraq for a new Minister of Information, to which you should consider applying your considerable anal-oral wisdom and reality distortion skills.

America: Love it or leave it. And to love America means to reject all forms of Makefiles!

Pick a window, you're leaving.

-Don

Anybody else instantly reminded of that Iraqi Minister of Information? Coincidentally, Balmer should probably have warcrimes charges brought against him after he exploded into a greasy, unsightly ball of sweat and started prancing, excited having just learned a new word prior to going on stage.

...And in other news, he was also heard to say:

• "There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"
• "Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected"
• "they are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost in the desert...they can not read a compass...they are retarded."

Are you actually the Iraqi Information Minister?

"...our customers have seen a lot more innovation from us than they have seen from that [open-source] community"

Sorry dude, but Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf does that schtick that you're doing now MUCH better. Must be in the delivery. Keep working on it, though.

Where is Osama bin Laden?

Where is Saddam Hussein?

Where is Dick Cheney?

Cheers,
W00t

We Love The Iraqi Information Minister Dot Com