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Horribly Bad Game Designs
A reader writes: "WomenGamers.Com takes a stab at coming up with some horribly bad game designs. Check out their latest editorial, "What if? ... No Scratch That..." This article made me laugh -- the driving game inebriation was a great idea. What's your worst game design idea?
There was a car that had a computer attached which could 'slow your reflexes' so that it would be like driving drunk. (Slogan: This car drives drunk, to make sure you won't ever.)
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100% pure freak
I vote for Quake 3, a nonsensical rush for rockets.
WWJD? JWRTFM!!!
Already being made as a Rogue Spear (the sequel to Rainbow Six) scenario... complete with a briefing by Reno.
I'll see if I can dig up the URL, but it's still in development (and no, it's not an official scenario, heh).
:wq
Who needs to drink? One of my favorite driving game experiences is as simple as firing up Nascar Racing or something, and then taking off around the track- backwards! Not in reverse, I mean circling the track clockwise while everybody else is going counterclockwise :) you can try to evade the other cars but it's also fun to play "Smash the car until it cannot move" and see how many crashes it takes to render the vehicle completely inoperable :)
A new FPS.
Actually, I'm somewhat surprised nobody's made a Columbine High School level for Quake or Half-Life or something...
10 PRINT CHR$(205.5+RND(1)); : GOTO 10
Gamecenter and their readers suggested stuff like this twice already. ...But it's still fun. :)
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pb Reply or e-mail; don't vaguely moderate.
pb Reply or e-mail; don't vaguely moderate.
Theme Park and Theme Hospital both prove that you can "sim" pretty much anything and get a fun game out of it. Sim Zoo, Sim School, Sim Office...
The sim game I'd most like to see is Sim/Theme Pub.... and here's a verbatim copy of a post I did elsewhere not so long ago...
I guess it would be a Theme Park type setup, with punters milling around:
- getting upset by the queues
- wanting a fag
- upset by smokiness
- liking/disliking the decor
- wanting louder/quieter music
- liking/disliking the jukebox selection
- wanting/not wanting a DJ / dancefloor
- liking/disliking the choice of drinks
- getting less fussy as they drink more
- drinking themselves into comas, getting you into trouble with the law
- having fights
- mooning / getting tits out (erm, maybe as a reward for good pub management)
- drinking less because the food portions are too filling
- wanting larger tables, to accomodate large groups
- wanting more small tables for couples and small groups
- hogging the pool table / dartboard / giant Jenga
- clustering around the open fire
- despising the open fire as too traditional and not trendy enough
- trying novelty drinks (Aftershock, Red Bull and Anostura Bitters... mmmm..)
- enjoying peace and quiet / pining for a more lively atmosphere
- getting apoplectic with rage
- ... you get the picture
You'd probably have more than one pub on the go at once - perhaps you'd be trying to cater for all tastes in a given town. You'd have a spit'n' sawdust gigging pub, a wine bar, a novelty theme pub with crazy crap around the walls, a real ale pub and a trendy pre-club type bar (having worked up from one tiny local on the corner of a residential street).Multiplayer you'd be competing for the same clientele and they'd wander from one pub to another.
On top of that you'd have Theme Park style research units, you might have to do some stock management (That always irritated me in Theme Park though: reordering stocks was just a chore... I think you ought to be able to set thresholds where if the stock drops to a certain level you automatically reorder... in a pub you'd have to adjust the thresholds by season...).
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In WC3, if you stay in the bar too long during a full alert, you're stone drunk when you do go out and fly. The controls randomly change axes--hmmm, to go left, I push down and right...oops, not anymore.....
There was a game (in Finland) for Commodore 64 called PainterBoy - game based on characters of Tikkurila paint factory TV advertisement characters... Not a bad game, though, but it quickly got boring.
It exists.. it's called VM Ware
And of course, in my favourite tasteless game, Diana Death Driver. It was a driving sim that someone did a while back in Shockwave flash. You had to drive a Mercedes through a Paris tunnel while avoiding the paparazzi...
"The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike." -- Delos B. McKown
Several police forces already use a Drunk Driver Simulator for "re-educating" people who failed a breath test.
DIY/Home Improvement sims already exist at an infant/kindergarten level; here in the UK we have TV ads for a game that features a children's activity set which overlays a PC keyboard where they can hammer, saw etc (ideally using the plastic toy hammer and plastic toy saw provided, I suppose, but for stress relief I'd use the real thing).
I remember that SimElection games went through a brief period of popularity in the 1980's as text based statistics games in the same vein as Football/Soccer Manager games. And isn't there a certain element of this already present in the tax raising subroutines of SimCity?
Professional Painter... well I definitely recall playing a a Commodore 64 game where you were a poster paster (probably called "Poster Paster" I guess) who had to put up advertising hoardings, that's pretty damn close.
As for Ruthless Revenge or The World's Oldest Profession, well don't Dungeon Master and Leisure Suit Larry already contain these elements?
Now if you want *really* tasteless, who can remember "CAN OF WORMS", a ZX81 compilation including "ROYAL FLUSH", where you had to unblock the drains of Buckingham Palace without disturbing the Queen on the, er, throne, as it were? Was advertised in every single damn issue of the UK's "Popular Computing Weekly" magazine ever published IIRC.
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Andrew Oakley - www.aoakley.com
When I was 16 I worked briefly at an Amiga store.
One of the crackpots who came in nearly every day always had a great idea for a game, but wanted us to write it. He called it Metal Detecting From Hell.
You were the metal detector, and things would pop out of the groubd and attack you.
"Reactionaries must be deprived of the right to voice their opinions; only the people have that right." - Mao
That sounds like a blatent ripoff of Pimp Wars.
There was a type-in game in one of the old issues of ANALOG Computing (for the Atari 8-bit), sometime in early 1983, called Dark Horse. It was basically SimElection, where you took a out-of-nowhere candidate through the election season, hoping to be elected president. I seem to remember similar code from mid-70's era Creative Computing.
It gets worse. As a brit abroad, I occasionally get the urge to "bum a fag", which in england means to ask for a cigarette, whereas in america...
Actually it was a home computer game (I forget the platform, ither C64 or Speccy, possibly both) called "Bomb Buenos Aires", and it was a pretty simple bomber-style game where a plane flew across the top of a static screen, moving down a line when it wrapped, and dropped bombs on buildings, until it either landed (having destroyed all the buildings), or crashed. Typical cheapo scandal cash in.
There was also a game called Harrier Attack where you flew across a scrolling island, but IIRC there was no explicit falklands imagery invoved.
Actually this is a game that is already being played[out] most evenings in bars across the nation[planet]. The object of this game is to nail all the tail that err.. isn't nailed down. The fun really starts when you get "bonus" items during your nailing. The round is over when you get a "bonus" item and you have to go to the penalty box for a period of time. Some "bonus" items require a permenant departure from the game, and some relegate the player to the penalty box for the remainder of the game. Then you can only "play" with other penalty box members. You win the game if you can survive the dreggs and find a suitable mate and still produce viable offspring without having to have a crotch transplant.
There are many variations of play available, but the virii are varied and plentiful. Batter up!
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Uhm... you've got your wings reversed. Mr. Buchanan is rather right winged.
--Joe--
Program Intellivision!
First things first: If we're talking about an American politician, wouldn't it be most appropriate to classify him using the American sense of the terminology?
As for whether American and British senses of the terms "left wing" and "right wing" are reversed, I can't comment specifically. Here in the US, "right wing" is generally accepted to mean "Conservative" and "left wing" is generally accepted to mean "Liberal". And yes, I know the meanings of "Conservative" and "Liberal" are unclear as well. (Consider Japan's most conservative (by US definition) party, the so-called Liberal Democratic Party.)
The current US political definitions puts Liberals on the "gov't can solve social ills" stance, advocating civil rights, and often advocating bigger taxes to pay for it all. Similarly, it puts Conservatives on the "family values" plank, which ends up meaning "lets push the narrow minded religious views of a vocal minority on the nation as a whole", and are supposedly more fiscally minded (read: tax cuts for the rich). I don't subscribe to either side's beliefs 100%, but I lean further liberal than conservative. And I'm certainly not Libertarian. (And yes, I've taken the little "Are you a Libertarian?" political quiz that Libertarians are fond of handing out, and came out rather on the liberal axis, rather than the libertarian axis.)
The US's right wing is closest to Britain's Conservative Party, and the US's left wing is closest to Britain's Labour Party.
Anyway, that ends my politics discussion for today.
--Joe--
Program Intellivision!
logan
logan
I have to support you, Frosty.
This article wasn't News. It wasn't Nerdy. And it doesn't matter.
Slashdot's star is rapidly fading, in my opinion. Moderation has been a significant failure: as a meta-moderator, I saw many posts mis-moderated, and as a reader, I see many posts that are two-bit opinion, idiot babble or off-topic. The quality of stories is declining: less newsworthy, less innovative, a poorer quality of writing and simply not interesting.
My user id is in the low thousands, and only because I didn't bother logging in for a month or two. For the number of postings I've made (a few dozen), I've got good karma: as far as I remember, I've never been marked down below my bonus score. I've meta-moderated with care, I've provided feedback and suggestions to the Slashdot team, and I've been a faithful daily reader.
But in the past week, I've given up moderation, have become utterly disinterested in reading comments, am about to move my postings threshold to three or four, and may just walk away from Slashdot entirely.
My hope for this posting is that it'll be moderated up to a level 5, so that it gets some attention from the alpha geeks.
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Don't like it? Respond with words, not karma.
There was a very early Spectrum game called "General Election", based on trying to get a party through a British general election. Essentially a monopoly-like board game on a computer. Very dull.
OOH! Creative Computing. Ive still got all mine in a box somewhere...very cool magazine...I wish that there was something like that out there now...
Yeah, but only the yellow ones.
If only identifying real fungi were so simple....
spawn_of_yog_sothoth
OK, sure this is bait.
I'll start with agreeing with you - I think indeed that the "women's movement" was about equality; also that there are some truly weird-ass losers out there who do want vengeance or superiority or something.
But I don't think that womengamers.com fits into that latter category. I visit the site from time to time; they seem pretty sane.
Now, consider your own logic - I can see why a minority needs a special interest group, but
women, making up more than half of the Earth's population, are hardly a minority anywhere.
Now I won't go into the need for a continueed women's movement and that being a minority or a majority isn't everything. Check out Amnesty International's womens' human rights campaign if you ned more on that score.
Bet with regard to this site: isn't the whole point precisely that women are a minority on the net and as gamers? We have to put up with all sorts of crap from some of the guys, as you see every time someone posts something about women on slashdot. (Watch replies to this and see it grow.) I'm glad you're not one of them, but please - give us a break when we want a time out from the verbal abuse.
No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
this is nothing compared with the "water effect" in nitrus oxide - it's a trippy effect where everything on the screen is warping and moving.
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Don't tell me how it ends - I haven't seen it yet.
And as far as a boring Cops-style game (where you play camera operator while everything in the viewfinder overacts) is concerned, there's one for the kids - Pokemon Snap!
I saw a game where you were a drunken driver.
http://www.ghettosoft.com/windrunk.html
it was pretty funny but it was meant to teach you about not drinking and driving
This one actually exists. Travel around town, buying and selling illegal drugs, run away from the cops or try to kill them with your gun. See how much money you can make in a month. A free Windows version is available from Beer Mat Software. Politically incorrect but a lot of fun.
Mea navis aericumbens anguillis abundat
Well. You don't how to spell "misogynistic"
That's true. I must have been thinking of "dyspepsia".
and I'm confused why you are using this term in this context, considering the word means "having or showing a hatred and distrust of women"...
Then you should check out their website. It should clear things up for you.
Back in high school we used to write all kinds of ridiculous games, some were actually pretty fun. But my friend came up with the worst. It was called Galaxy.
First he spread the rumor that the game had been in secret development for a long time (several months was considered a long time, back then) and hyped it as the greatest game anyone had ever seen. Hype was applied quite liberally, until the release, when it was turned loose on the unsuspecting users.
The game would display a few startup messages, and then "Initializing the galaxy..." and I think some kind of activity indicator. Then it would just sit there.
Eventually, users would tire of the "initialization" and press Ctrl-C. At this point, the amount of time that they had waited (before pressing Ctrl-C) on the initialization screen became their score. They would then proceed to the High Score screen, which showed the most gullible/patient users.
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As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
No, its not pointless or inane - those words (probably) describe the film. I have been playing this game since the run up to the film's release, and I haven't succombed to anybody's pressure to see the damned film yet, and I hope never to have to. I try to play this game with all films that are hyped beyond what anybody would consider reasonable - I haven't seen Star Wars - Cashin One yet either. Why waste my time and money becoming a box office statistic? I highly recommend this game to anyone that might enjoy the challenge of overcoming popular pressure.
... how many outraged flames I would receive by email following the inauguration of my own hypothetical ultra-hyped-up gaming site, MachoGamers.com, featuring a rendition of the planet Jupiter with the male symbol on it as the background picture?
Jokes aside, this whole thing boggles me. I fail to understand how "men are inferior to women" is in any way a better ideology than "women are inferior to men". I fail to understand why men who want men-only institutions are chided and labeled as chauvinistic pigs, while more and more women-specific organisations, web sites and special interest groups show up. (On that last one: I can see why a minority needs a special interest group, but women, making up more than half of the Earth's population, are hardly a minority anywhere.)
I thought the "women's movement" was about equality - to be respected and considered as fellows and worthy competitors to men - and not about a "war against men", moved apparently by little other than vengeance.
To clarify, I myself am not a sexist of any kind; I believe in civil equality. However, that seems to be far from the case whereas the "women's movement" is concerned, and I'd like to understand that. Otherwise, I'd just give up and say the world has gone crazy.
(Nice article, by the way.)
Moderators take note: the above post was not a troll, nor was it flamebait.
To the editors: your English is as bad as your Perl. Please go back to grade school.
Just when you thought it was safe to come out...
Matthew @ Bytemark Hosting
I heard Americans are the ones with reversed wings, so the original poster is correct in British (European?) terms.
Glückwünsche, haben Sie Slashdot ermordet, indem Sie zum korporativen Druck beugten und Subskriptionen einlei
and you get to play either side.
You too can be an auditor tracing 'entertainment' expenses to porn sites and massage parlors.
You too can hide away millions, gambling your deception spells will hold
Just another perl hacker in Bangkok
One of the only two FPSes I can play without getting seasick, Rise of the Triad had psychadelic mushrooms that made you stagger about, lurching to and fro, as all the active items in the level palette-spun. Pretty Nifty.
Forget driving games... try firing a drunk missle while high on mushrooms: most of the time you accidently unload them into the floor or wall next to you. Ludicrous Gibs!
(Incidently, the other FPS was Doom. Anything after that seems to have the perspectives slightly off, and I can't handle it. ROTT was farkin' fast, so it's not a speed issue, and I've played Quake 2 on a SOTA gamers maching, so it's not the frames per second... dunno. I also tend to get sick in the back of large vehicles. )
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Evan
"$30 for the One True Ring. $10 each additional ring!" -- JRR "Bob" Tolkien
Come on, guys! Way, way before inebriation levels appeared in driving games such as Carmageddon, eating mold corpses in Nethack produced wonderful effects.
In fact, I know a 9-year old kid who for a couple of weeks played Nethack only to find the nearest mold, kill it, eat it, and then run around the levels.
Kaa
Kaa
Kaa's Law: In any sufficiently large group of people most are idiots.
I don't remember the URL, but Cnet did a spot on the top ten games that should never be made. They included games such as Seal Clubber (as gruesome as it sounds), Geriatric Racer (tear down the streets in your rambler at speeds up to 20 mph!!!) , SimDictator, and my personal favorite, Barbie's Cosmetic Surgery Makeover (submit your worst and see if you can get Freak of the Week!)
Meldroc, Waster of Electrons
Umm...I believe you are taking the previous post way too literally. Try thinking about it a little more. The results are amusing and entertaining.
I am not an idiot. Please use my name to email me.
"That's right, I'm quoting myself."
-Upsilon
Flipcode has a "lame game" contest, where the object is to make the most laughably inferior game possible. Some of the submissions there are hilarious, for instance "Chicken Racing II". Go check it out, if you have DOS -- most of the lame games are made for this lame OS.
Ah, Slashdot -- that great purifier of souls -- a karma-enhanced confession booth. While we're here, let me tell you about a dream I had once... it was about a game called "Drag Racing", except you didn't race cars, but there were cross-dressing midgets...
There were some strange games back then. I had "KKK Cookout" where you had to roast pointy-head robed guys with a flame thrower. So many new (but not neccessarily good) ideas have been tried in the past, but you never would know because they've been replaced by shoot/fight/click/whatever endless derivatives. Ok, I'll go take my Geritol now...
Actually, I know some kids that made a game where you would input your build, weight, and other factors, and then drive around while drinking. Your steering got worse, as did your vision, and you ended up hitting people. It was really quite funny, and was actually well-designed: they ended up showing it at the Engineering Open House.
Colin Winters
It's already been done in Redneck Rampage, another simulation of sorts which puts you in the body of someone with an odd number of chromosomes.
Any game with "Drink Beer" and "Take A Leak" buttons is ok in my book.
--BlueLines "The cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity." -anonymous
A friend of mine actually coded this.
The point of the game was to press the Q key over and over until time ran out.
The game would display the number of times you pressed Q and then tell you whether you won or lost.
The length of time the game lasted was random... somewhere between 5 and 60 seconds as I recall.
In addition, whether you won or lost was random, having nothing to do with either
a) The number of times you pressed Q or
b) The length of time you were allowed.
Man that was a great game...
- StaticLimit
Back in the C64 days I made this really bad game with 6502 ASM: a giant cock appeared on the screen, you had to move the hand back and forth until an ejaculation came out... score was calculated with the elapsed time and there were levels too, it was just about raising the movements required to ejaculate every level. A bit tasteless but I was 13... anyway I made a lot of copies of this one to my friends! Great success for that year (83), I gave away at least 30 tapes!
Too bad I've lost the original tape...
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"The crux of the biscuit is the Apostrophe(*)" - FZ
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"The crux of the biscuit is the Apostrophe(*)" - FZ
there is a program geared at highschool students which already does this, except instead of a computer game, it's an actual car. they rig a dodge Neon with a laptop that controls how the driver's input is handled. the program on the laptop can be set to any theoretical blood alcohol level, and the higher that number is, the harder it is to control the car: sluggish wheel and break response, hyperactive accelerator response and so on.
in my estimation this is not a bad game design, but an ingenious informative tool for teenagers who think they are indestructible and can handle their liquor.
though i must admit i am drawn to the concept of drunken Poll Position.
strange things are afoot at the Circle K...
My friend Lahclan wanted to make a game where you were a bird flying around a city, and you would get points for shitting on as many targets (people's heads, windshields, etc...) as possible withing your timelimit...
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Play Six Pack Man. I
Anybody remember "A Rockstar Ate My Hampster"? Some of these ideas remind me of that. Also i thing there is an enebriation level in "Redneck Rampage", where the more you drink the less coherent the contol response is, and the less accurate your aim is (so you have to switch to the smooth bore scattergun to actually hit anything...) =:-)
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Play Six Pack Man. I
yeah horrible game design, and it has been implemented also.
Basic idea: you are a demo scener in a party, trying to improve your fame level. Each time you talk to some elite you gain fame level when you talk to your fellow lamer afterwards. But beware of the evil orgas!
MAZM97.ZIP (dos)the real thing
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may u!sh 2 sm!le at dz!z bad nn.!m!tat!ion
You really should see our #5 demo from Assembly '96.
It might work in win95 dos shell or it might not. It might work with emm386 or it might not. 8 bit graphics modes WON'T work.
Strange though it might sound, I can actually see where a game could be made based on that plotline. Like Laura Bow with a Scream like twist.
I probably wouldn't play it, but it might appeal to someone.
-Restil
Play with my webcams and lights here
I did something like that. Instead, I got to Leap Over All Linux Insurrectionist Nerds.
sup
And Gremlin Graphics's last Monty Mole game worth mentioning, Auf Wiedersehen Monty, included bottles of wine that had unpredictable effects on your controls if you grabbed one. Rather a pain if one of the required items was surrounded by bubbly!
Oy, you kids. Never played Percy the Potty Pigeon, huh?
And speaking of crap games, the denizens of comp.sys.sinclair have been holding contests for the past few years to see who can make the most tongue-in-cheek parodies of rotten games past (and present). The results are the comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Compos. This year there's a similar competition for Commodore 64 fans as well. These guys are totally bent, I tell ya. Scan these pages and look at how many of the ideas all of you are coming up with that've already been done.
The object of the game is to guide a naked, horny, General Custer across the screen while avoiding incoming arrow fire. Waiting at the other side is a naked Indian maiden, and you earn points by... scoring. The slogan of the game was something like "When you score, you score!"
http://www.classicgaming.com/rotw/cu ster.shtml
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Okay I'm Chinese, but this is the greatest game I'd ever played! Not because of the Japanese Fetish (TM) stuff, but the best graphic I'd ever seen for a 8mb game!!!!!!!!
/_____\. .......|
Yes there is a zillion different endings. All depends on how you treat your adopted daughter. If I can't make a living by drawing stuff with my hand in the future, at least I'm a big anime/manga fan. This thing's drawing quality can be rated the right up there with Mr. Miyazake's movie posters! The Sequal is very good too, but by that time (95?) I don't play game anymore. My tears can fall down right now when I think of the fun I had playing this game.
CY
vvvvvvv../|__/|
...I../O,O....|
...I./
..J|/^.^.^ \..|.._//|
...|^.^.^.^.|W|./oo.|
wanting a fag
I know that in the UK this means cigarette, but not everyone knows that here in the US.
Reminds me of the time, me and a buddy of mine was down in the Underground and my friend lit up. A cop quickly came over and said "Hey, No fags allowed in the Underground!". My friend didn't know what "fags" meant in the UK and almost decked the Cop. I fell over laughing!
Steven Rostedt
Steven Rostedt
-- Nevermind
Select from a bunch of nerd-related 'news' stories on a simulated 'bulletin-board' style website!
Read the comments other gamers have made. Post your own reponses in a truly 'InterActive(tm)' fashion!
Then wait as the cruel 'Moderators' play the 'Troll or Funny game' Wait in trepidation for their verdict on your comment! Soon, You Too will do anything for Karma!
As you progress through the game, *you* may even become a 'Moderator' yourself!
*Cheer* as another 'grits' post is moderated down
*Swoon* as your post is moderated 'Off-Topic'
*Wonder* at the re-posting of ancient stories
*Thrill* as you bribe a moderator with the cheap $3 crack.
*Wince* at the replies to your comments.
Coming soon - version 2 - Now you can play Online!
Apologies to moderators - I know the cheap $3 crack isn't what it used to be.
In Princess Maker, your little girl could end up as a princess... but she could also end up as an of about 50 other things. Including a professional dominatrix.
-Dave Turner.
Become a FSF associate member before the low #s are used
I once had a 5.25" floppy game which I believe was originally shipped with PC Magazine (or something like that) in the middle of the 80's or so. The purpose of the game was to BE the "whiz kid" Bill Gates! It was all in text mode but with colorful rectangles and menus or something, and you had to make the right decisions to make the business a success! Unfortunately I probably formatted the disk, if I even have it anymore.
I used to like Beer Run and Roach Motel.
Beer Run was a levels game, there the goal was to collect beers.
Roach Motel had this little hotel on the screen. Bugs would run out, and you would try to squish them with a big foot.
Our secret is gamma-irradiated cow manure
Mitsubishi ad
We apologize for the inconvenience.
I thought up this idea for a game awhile ago. You could be the Executive Producer (or something) of a TV Talk Show (like Ricki Lake or Donahue). You get to choose who hosts the show, and the different topics from week to week. There some good potential for brawl cut scenes.
If I only had either a whole bunch of time on my hands, or a whole bunch of money. Or both.
the idea is simple. its a first-person shooter. you play a national guardsman in the 60's, quelling peaceful protests and such with guns. the first level is Kent State: kill all the rampaging hippies before they get a chance to run away!
have fun
dongoodman
I remember 'playing' this teaching aid back in grammar school on an Apple II. Basically the same concept as windrunk, but with a Space Invaders clone as well as the driving sim. I remember it being particularly graphic considering the age demographic it was aimed at, not so much blood as the messages you got when you crashed the car. "You just killed a mother and her son. How do you feel?" etc etc
Of course in our classroom it became a competition to see how good people could get at the games, despite the handicap of ever-decreasingly responsive controls. And yes of course once the teachers realized we actually ENJOYED the damn program they yanked it. =)
Then for the grand finale, see if you can out do the real Microsoft in dealing with the DOJ. Can you stall until you buy Bush the presidency and save the company from a break up?
When you've finished, graph your performance against the real Microsoft. Do you have it in you to be smarter and nastier than Bill Gates?
tangent - art and creation are a higher purpose
postmoderncore - art and creation are a higher purpose
The problem with modding up comments like this is that they're posted to EVERY story possible usually, so you get to read it ump-teen trillion times (still a pretty good parody song though)
tangent - art and creation are a higher purpose
postmoderncore - art and creation are a higher purpose
Carmageddon 2 had a power-up called "Drunk," I know there have been some games about political power (Machiavelli's: The Prince comes to mind, but that just had the bribing of senators and gossip-mongers), KingPin had some life-of-crome ideas, as did TradeWars 2002, where being Evil paid off hugely, but got you blown-up frequently. And while it isn't precisely a game, there are home creation utilities that could be interpretted as a "Paint the world" game.
~Anguirel (lit. Living Star-Iron)
"Veni; Vidi; Vi C++"
~Anguirel (lit. Living Star-Iron)
QA: The art of telling someone that their baby is ugly without getting punched.
Y'know, given the terrible voter turnout in the US in recent decades, maybe we need something to convince people that voting is important, and politics doesn't have to be evil.
Then again, I admit I'd probably resort to double-dealing and backstabbing to get elected to my virtual office, too. Plus, there would of course have to be the optional intern PWAD....
I use Macs for work, Linux for education, and Windows for cardplaying.
The manufacturer is said to have withdrawn it after being told that it was not in the best possible taste.
What a pity nobody thought to tell Mrs. Thatcher that.
A game whose time has come!
matt
The cake is a pie
There was a game by Apogee called Rise of the Triad that had a lot of weird power ups. One of which was called Shroom Mode, which made the colors cycle and your point of view zoom all over the place. It was basicly a Doom clone, but it was rather well done and had a wicked sense of humor.
Has anyone been able to finish this game? /.'ers
i have been playing it on and off for years. On a Amstrad originally, Then the C64 and now on emulators.
I can't work out how to get up to the top of the mine?
Any help
Is it a game flaw or just terribly hard?
Do Not Read Burgatronics... It's Evil
CmdrTaco has written a small bit of fiction in this page in his personal webspace.
Ceterum censeo Microsoftam esse delendam.
The referred article wasn't very funny; I could have forgiven the non-nerd, non-relevant characteristic if it had been. Perhaps he just meant to foment discussion, but this was below the quality that I expect of /.
Ceterum censeo Microsoftam esse delendam.
Well there have been many times at LAN parties when people start talkig about games they would like/not like to see! And there are a few things that always get brought up, and some of which have been touched by the article. I mean almost everyone (in a small group of gamers) would like to have a trippy car racing game!! That i think is a classic, i mean we have car games which are altogether psychotic (GTA 2), all time fav (Test Drive) and racing games ()!!
Hell there have been enough toy car racing games, but none of these have situations where you get different drivers to drive with! You know, the stoned guy, the person who will not go over 35 in any speed zone, or the ediot who cant co-ordinate worth crap!!! Ahhhh.....
And then of course there are games which have been made but should have just stayed on the drawing board. One that comes to mind is GulfWar (a middle eastern version of the war!) It was insane, all terminal graphics (Dos days) and you would type in commands as either Bush or Saddam!!! It was just insane how bad that game was....soo horible that it was funny!!
then there are the classic games that just cannot be forgotten (Jbird...WallStreet...and of course PitStop)
NOW what about all those double dragon rip offs back in the day ppl... wasted a lot of money on those machines, everything from Micheal Jackson to Rambo, running down the same looking maps pressing the same buttons (Back and Both Fire buttons --- For elbow in DD)! Ahhh..... those were also some games you would think should never have come out!!
Hmm great article if you think that someone was able to sum up soo many bad ideas.. now i want to see what idiot decides to actually code up one of these just for the heck of it!!
Non-Deterministic Finite Automata
I always wanted to write a platformer in the sonic tradition, "Angus the Gerbil". Angus would run around wearing a kilt, fighting thissles, hagus and bag pipes. Of course, watch out for those pipes, angus get sucked into any small holes he passed.
Actually, I am sick of tux, I think a linux distro should use a gerbil for a mascot.
Ok, my idea for a great game, is "Dragonball Z Power-up." This game would, of course, be based on the FUNAmation version of DBZ, and it would include the following:
1. Really really bad voice acting
2. Weak villians and an even weaker main characters
4. Long drawn out battles
5. Pointless side stories
6. 50+ hrs. of full motion videos of the characters powering up for a battle.
In fact... lets scratch everything but the powering up. Nothing says top selling game then people standing around yelling while the flash with the power they are gathering up.
Please note: I love DBZ, but those of you who have seen the show know what I am talking about.
- Buy Driver for the playstation or PC
- Familiarize yourself with the controls and gain some skill at controlling the car
- Grab a few beers, smoke a few joints, or drop some acid (well, for the brave or just plain stupid)
- Enjoy
Just don't get any wild ideas and try to play Driver in your own car.I think not. Get with it ignoramus! It's DEAF. Not Deaf Dumb. They stopped using that misnomer in the 1910! Welcome to the '00s. Get with it because a lot of deaf people would be outraged by that.
"Deaf Dumb" != unable to hear
"Deaf" == unable to hear
"Dumb" == unable to speak (i.e. "Mute")
"Blind" == unable to see
and yes, Tommy did have all three of these problems.
go beat somebody else with your PC stick.
-steve
--- "We also were guided by the unlikelihood that anyone would face supernatural evil armed only with technology."
Introducing the AC game! The object of the game is to claim "First Post!" as often as possible. Players visit the game's website, and continuously hit reload until a new article appears. When one is spotted, quickly click "Read More" and post a reply. Only the quick will get the honor of 1st Post.
--Jeff
I'm sorry Hemos, but that just sucked.
./ stories
It requires NO creative talent at all to make a list of things that are boring. Check out my list of "funny" boring things:
1) Installing Windows 2000
2) watching paint dry
3) reading many
4) playing SimScreensaver
Why don't you check out the GOOD articles and stories that languish in the queue? This was just pathetic.
I know that this will be moderated down, but it HAD to be said.
No comment at this time
Actually, inebriated driving been done, although just as a temporary powerup and not as an entire level. Remember the "drunk driving" powerup in Carmageddon 2? (Might even be in Carmageddon 1, but I never played it.) While it was in effect, it made the view constantly zoom in & out, and all the controls were reversed. There were even belching sound effects in the background. It's really surprising (and funny) the first time you encounter it!
Free Hans!
Actually, I thought Sonic the Hedgehog was a poorly designed game from the get go -- it was supposed to exhibit the "speed" of the Sega Genesis over the NES, but it chose to do so by creating a game where the "hero" frequently flew around the screen in a blur, somewhat uncontrollably.
Wasn't this story already posted before the quickies article? Now it has a newer date stamp...
--
--
E2 IN2 IE?
You're pregnant. You decide to keep the kid. Experience morning sickness, fight with your significant other (who may or may not decide to stick around), arrange maternity leave, haggle with your health insurer, gain lots of weight, decide on a name.
After nine virtual months, you can upgrade to the longer, more involved "SIM Parent"
Put my clarinet beneath your bed 'till I get back in town.
I was in a car accident last year. I'd really hate to see a "SIM Car Crash".
Among the scenarios:
Put my clarinet beneath your bed 'till I get back in town.
Ages ago I seem to recall seeing a news story about an educational driving simulator where you could dial up the inebriation level to demonstrate to the student what DUI feels like in the hopes of discouraging it.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
Even in the multi-player games like Ultima Online, you really can't get that true kick-a-puppy kind of evil going, since getting PKed is such a common experience and death is not really ever a setback.
The gaming industry is wide open for a game that truly allows you to role-play an evil character with true-to-life results (IE: You usually get ahead doing it.)
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
One of the first disapproving news stories about video games that I ever saw came out because of that game! Ah, those were the days...
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
I had this idea back in college, and i'm really surprised no one's come up with it yet:
;)
A hockey game, you know, like NHL '[fill in year here] in basic premise. HOWEVER, when you get into a fight with an opposing team member, the game flips into Mortal Kombat-type mode, complete with special hockey-based powers (you could really be creative here - shooting hockey sticks, medusa-style snake-covered mullets, projectile teeth...).
I dunno. I'd buy it. I'd make it were i smart enough to do so.
In case anyone is wondering, he's not making this up.
- Michael Cohn
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Go ahead, blame me... I voted for Nader!
Probably the worst game I've ever seen was this Draconian Overlord Simulator that came with my first PC. The people who bundled it must have been really proud of it, since they set it to launch on startup, but I couldn't see the point. It was some kind of political sim, but it really sucked! It didn't have any graphics, just a stupid blinking cursor. So I tried entering commands like Destroy Insurrectionist Rebels (good thing I knew computer types liked acronyms) and a bunch of wierd-named factions in my country appeared. If I typed DIR and the name of a faction, everything changed. After a while I tried to be softer on them and Delegate some of my powers, but that made the stupid game crash!
I see the Draconian Overlord Simulator all the time on my friends' Linus computers. It can't be a very good system if that's the best game they can get their hands on...
- Michael Cohn
-----
Go ahead, blame me... I voted for Nader!
There are some really funny ideas here, of course I feel I should point out that many of the 'inebriation' Features suggested for driving games already exist in one form or another in the Carmageddon games (I had the honor of doing some coding on a couple of it's incarnations).
This has my vote for troll of the year
I know. I'm one of the Deaf in question. And I'd like to point out how much smarter I am by just knowing the difference. AND I don't care if it *is* a reference to Pinball Wizard.
spam, spam, spam, spam, e-mail, news and spam.
Once I had this dream (more like a nightmare) about a game called SimKampf. As you can probably gather from the title, it involved building and maintaining a concentration camp, as well as harvesting "resources" for new construction materials and technology.
The really disturbing part was that in my dream, the game was addictive as hell, sort of like the original SimCity. It even looked similar; imagine that instead of drawing power lines with your cursor, you had to draw electric fences. Oh, and there were no residential or commercial area's. Just miles and miles of factory-like buildings, complete with smoking chimneys...
Needless to say I was kinda freaked out when I woke up the next morning. I mean, it was probably just a late-night-pizza-and-war-movie-induced dream, but I couldn't help but feel ashamed. It was, without a doubt, the single most horrific game idea I've ever had.
Hee-hee. Dying tickles!
1: Design a physics engine that really only works properly for rigid 1 meter cubes.
2: Populate the game with (non-cuboid) 10 ton lizards.
3: Substitute player's arm with a 10 foot rubber probiscus with a crazy control mechanism which the player is expected to use to manipulate all objects in the game, including guns which need to be fired accurately.
4: Add an out-of-date graphics engine and turn the whole lot loose on some designers who can't come up with a puzzle more sophisiticated than "stack box A on top of box B".
Et voila! Worst game ever made! What's that you say? Someone's thought of it already?
It'll sell millions, I guarantee it. You can advertise it as "the game that will become your world".
Daikatana!
I remember this from the heady days of the Sinclair Spectrum - you had a screen full of "grass" (green squares) and a man with a lawnmower. Your mission was to cut all the grass, upon which you were greeted with the next level - another screen full of grass! Endless hours of mowing fun :)
Who needs a drunk driving game when you can just get drunk in real life an then play driving games.
Let me tell ya, playing Quake when you're toasted kicks ass.
There was one section in the game where you could decide to either stop drinking because your buddy got blown up, or continue drinking. If you continued to drink, you flew the next mission seriously sluggish controls.
Nice list of games - but they've forgotten some of the more interesting ones:
...
A really new concept would be
SimSim - the ultimate simulator simulator! Simulate simulated worlds, simulated flight simulations,
As for politically (in)correct ones, how about
SimMurder - kill someone for no particular reason just to see if you're intelligent enough to escape the cops. A must have - and great to gain practice before doing it in reality!
SimMicrosoft - play Bill and all. Create products that suck and crush all the better competition by stealing their products, making them worse, and marketing it as innovation, expand your monopolies to other sectors by illegal means until you own the world!
For spinoffs, how about some of these:
RealityTV: The Game - film people dying instead of coming to their assistance! Block off ambulances to get more scenes of people suffering, and thereby higher ratings!
Oh, and, of course, there's always SimToilet, including a stench synthesizer card for your computer.
This message is provided under the terms outlined at http://www.bero.org/terms.html
This particular title's still being played right now, after almost four years in the running!
This is often confused with Duke Nukem Forever, which is actually more of a strategy game =)
The goal of the game is to get back to your dorm after getting drunk at the bars. Evading cars and pedestrians, you drink a beer every 15 seconds as your vision of the virtual world blurs and your control delays proportional to your BAC.
The game supports Force-Feedback steering wheels (the best way to play), but requires an OpenGL accelerated video card. It was written for Windows, but I suppose could fairly easily be ported to Linux if there was enough demand.
You will be responsible for turning in papers, but since the "fun" part of your student's life is taken care of outside the game, you won't be able to write the paper until the night before its due. The game will enfore this, please don't start the paper until 5am the day its due.
Once installed, SimStudent, in its best simulation of a University environment will start blocking Napster, and filtering the websites you view.
t
What if you took SimCity, removed all the humor and wit of the existing versions. Put it together at the last minute into a bloated,sterile and utterly funless game that is a insult to every other incarnation.
I think you could call it SimCity 3000
I once played an old DOS drug dealer game (circa 1993).
I was only 11 but I thought it was the shit. Anybody know what it was? You could deal drugs, go to a loan shark, etc.
*sigh* isn't that depressing...
One time I threw a brick at a duck.
Kind of like Leisure Suit Larry... Except you get laid more often!
----------------
Programming, is like sex.
What about another sim game where you act as a software developer with others around the world trying to create a new web browser. To keep things realistic, this network based game forces you to communicate with other players via newsgroups and emails.
To keep things interesting, how about giving it a dinosaur theme and naming it something that rhymes with Godzilla!
--
Here's a game: a desktop, with folders on it, and some of them open up when you click on them. The object is to do "work", in spite of the interference from talking paper clips, and absence of serious productivity applications like grep, emacs and latex. The major obstacle to success is that the whole system will periodically undo everything you have not saved...don't forget to save often!
Of course, no-one would ever make anything as silly, tedious and pointless as this, let alone play it. Would they?
See what I've been reading.
All this sounds very familiar.
Didn't Leeeshure Soot Larry have a drinking problem, engage in paid for sex with unhygenic girls, died of food poisening (several times over ), conducted some seriously tedious shopping expiditions, and , did the first on screen dump ( the polyester suit turned brown if you forgot the "lower pants" before "dump").
I suppose the moral is someones always been there and done that before you.
Old COBOL programmers never die. They just code in C.
My worst idea is definatly 'The game that screws you over'. It uses a Tomb Raiderish style engine and the objective is basically the same (solve puzzles, accomplish quests, etc). The twist is that randomly the game will do something to screw you over, like if you're climbing a wall you will randomly lose your grip and fall to your death. Or if you go into free look mode and try to look too far behind you your neck will snap and your head will roll away (which is always an unfortunate turn of events). And basically other little things like that (gun jaming or blowing up in your face, running and randomly tripping and impailing yourself, etc).
This basically stemed from one too many late nights playing the tomb raider demo(s) and wondering 'what if?'.
Things you think are in the Constitution, but are not.
Women's groups and family advocates, such as Minnesota-based Dads and Daughters, are lambasting publisher Simon & Schuster over a work-in-progress interactive gaming website www.pantyraider.com.
Company spokesbot sez PANTY RAIDER: From Here To Immaturity , a cdrom game to be released in May, targets "mature" audiences of adult men. Yeah right, whatever, chuckle.
It never ceases to amaze me the middle-America hue-n-cry that goes up over sexually titillating material. Let the blood flow for freedom but hide them nipples!
And another thing while I'm at it: There is no doubt in my mind that if I still looked as fine as the female on the splashpage I for sure would shuck down to Victoria's Secrets, in a nanosec, to save the Earth from alien voyeur annihilation (AVA). The worst part of the game concept is not trampling women's rights but underestimating women's fight.
Who here rememebers Life and Death? It's an ancient DOS game that ran in four colors, 320x200 or something like that. One of the first games I ever played. You had to memorize a LOT of rather arcane medical facts, poke a patient's belly, operate, and basically screw up and kill the person. A few of my friends got good at it. I played it just to be weird and see the human agony.
The worst part was operating. Usually you had obtained a warez'd or copied version of the game, and had absolutely no documentation whatsoever. Lots of strange, inhuman tools sat before you. I remember giving a patient atropine because I thought it was anasthaesia. Oops. He didn't live long.
I also had a thing for this one game in whence this blue hedgehog in red sneakers ran around grabbing gold rings for no good reason...
Angry IT woman in big clompy boots. And talking lint!.
Peacekeeper! First-person action on the campust of Kent State, you play a National Guardsman threatened by the evil hippies! You may have a gun, but they've got joints, acid, and bad hygeine! Get them before they get you!
You can see why I thought it was a bad idea.
--Fesh
--Fesh
Kill -9 'em all, let root@localhost sort 'em out.
In the early/mid 80s, SSL put out "President Elect", a DOS-based election sim that actually forecast fairly accurate results, in aggregate. I ran about 100 Bush v Dukakis '88 sims and averaged them together and the result was within a few percent of the actual election results.
My favorite thing about PE was the way it handled presidential debates: when posed a question, you were not given a support/oppose option, you were given options on how you spent your speaking time (attack opponent, compare/contrast views, dodge, tell amusing anecdote, etc.) since your views on subjects was defined in your setup. However, how you split that time raised or lowered your chance of committing a gaffe of epic proportions -- one does not tell amusing anecdotes about pro-choice/pro-life questions...
Another election sim that was a bit more detailed was released in the early 90s or thereabouts ... I forget the name, but it was a Doonesbury production. Awful cool, but godawful slow.
The Doonesbury sim did have a dirty tricks option, with appropriate levels of risk/reward. It also had a better media handler -- take the high road, or sling mudballs? -- and forced you to do a lot of fundraising, too. Probably more realistic for that.
Any others anyone can remember?
ikaros, who takes pride in running as a liberal Dem and beating Reagan in the 1980 scenario
You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind -- Timothy Leary
Getting shot is not fatal, just bad for your health
You can find roast chicken and pizza lying under some old boxes on the street...
...and you get healthier by eating it!
In space, constant thrust means constant speed, even with no air resistance
No matter how badly damaged your ship is, it still performs at peak efficiency
"Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it." -- Linus Torvalds
midget type and your girlfriend has been kidnapped by a giant gorilla
.oO0Oo.
you have to avoid the barrels he throws at you and then escapes every time you get near him ad nauseum
maybe throw in a cart race
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
and you have to collect rings
.oO0Oo.
your power ups include :
trainers
rings
go faster
There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
now if these guys can start making cute parody songs like this that are on topic, now that would take skill, and it would be quite amusing :)
-------
-------
"don't smoke, don't drink, don't fuck
at least i can fucking think"
Minor Threat
You're a serial killer. You must find and kill your victims in a specific ritualistic way that satisfies your particular disfunction. You must avoid the police while satisfying your evil desires. You have an urge meter which is always going up slowly, and if you let it get too high, your character will go off and do something stupid. As the game progresses, your urge meter climbs faster, the FBI gets closer, and you need to find more and better ways to hide the bodies.
For a sequel, there's always Sim Death Row. As a recently captured serial killer, you must try to get time in the prison law library, avoid ass pirates, attract lonely penpals of the opposite sex, stretch out the appeals process for as many years as possible, and watch for those rare opportunities for escape. If you do escape, you go back to SimSK with the difficulty level set to nightmare.
pornking
Factory was deliberately designed to be dull and boring. That's the whole point.
A bunch of my friends and I were discussing this and we came to the conclusion that it would be better suited as a Half-Life CounterStrike mod... (it's already designed for team play, one side is the INS agents, the other side are the protesters... guns, tear gas vs rocks may not be a fair fight, but it would be like a Steal-the-Bacon sorta thing)
But if a Rogue Spear mod is already in the making, who am I to argue?
--
Peace,
Lord Omlette
AOL IM: jeanlucpikachu
[o]_O
Or better yet, using the portable Allegro wrapper around DirectX. I did this for freepuzzlearena (get it here).
Will I retire or break 10K?
Go on any search engine and look for Tetripz.
Will I retire or break 10K?
It's DOS, like the prompty thing. Geez people, don't compare it to other games... that's just sad.
This post is brought to you by the letters T and A, and the number 69
Using directx
Hey, these are stupid games, remember? You don't know whether his posting was a parody of Janet Reno, or of somebody's view of Janet Reno. Either way, it was clever -- it just would have been cleverer if it were the second, instead of the first.
_Obfuscate_, along with its sequel _Obfuscate II: Return of the Fud_.
Of course, everybody loves _DeadRat_ (goal is to make lots of money selling dead rats that you got for free, or, better still, by not selling the dead rats, but convincing others that you can make money selling life support systems for them)
_Johnny takes a Napster_ (derived from the board game of the same name, a thrilling game about toddlers who badly need some sleep.)
Games | Posted by Hemos on Wednesday May 03, @06:01AM looks like wednesday just couldn't get here fast enough!
Way back when I had an idea to write a game called System Agent Man. The basic premise was you would play an anti-virus program inside a Windows box. Your job (if you chose to accept it) was to rescue the Java VM from ActiveX, Netscape from IE, OpenGL from Direct3d, and destroy the evil Win.com app.
MSN
Yes, my initials are MSN. And I used to live off of Altavista Rd.
But while we're on the subject, why not create a new parody of the Sims. We could call it the Reno's.
kwsNI
That was a great game for the sole reason of being able to blow away farm animals!
Even Windows is just DOS with wallpaper... - Jordan Pollack
in the sim column. The author drank and drove (a computer game). The results were quite funny - at the end he wanted to run Jane's USAF to bomb the hell out of the Ferarri factory.
They that quote Benjamin Franklin on liberty and safety deserve neither.
I don't like pinball simulations.
A long time ago I thought of a package of 3 really boring games:
- Library simulator (where you play a librarian who is asked to fetch books).
- Home brewing simulation.
- Golf.
Incidentally, someone indeed did the last one!
I think Jenny's idea of a prison life sim is actually pretty cool! Just imagine controlling your bitches in a riot, fights in the yard, avoiding gang rapes in the shower, stockpiling cigs to use for barter, breaking in new prisoners, and trying to escape. Become the big dog in the yard!
My karma is in a nose dive
We can port to Nintendo 64 once we figure how deal with "Insert Windows 98 CD into cartridge slot" problems.
---
Dammit, my mom is not a Karma whore!
Try to get a Green Card or American Citizenship. How many times can you struggle across the border only to be sent back to your native homeland? Raise money for the trip by taking loans from loan sharks or bartering off female relatives, or take a swim! Difficulty levels: -European (beginner) -Asian -South American -African (for advanced players only)
I have had the idea for ages for a sim where you are the Signal Man at a crossing, and you must close the gates before a train passes, and open them after it has gone. Not much more than that tho!!!
No sharp objects, I'm a programmer!
we've ALL already seen this one! like a few days ago!
- Xobes
- AZ
Why do they have FFXII characters on their page (bottom left corner)? Maybe I should tell Square and they could sue...hmm...
Dr.Lang
"Is the world ready for Waluigi?"
Good grief!
I suppose it's a culture thing, they release a lot of games in Japan which never make it outside. For every Final Fantasy VIII there are dozens of Train Driver/Schoolgirl Seduction/candy-stripe-painting games.
"Information wants to be paid"
Of course, you'd have to watch out for all those nasty S.T.A.R.S. team members who want to shoot you with grenade launchers. You could either try to shuffle over to them and starting chewing on them (a dangerous, last-ditch move), or use your mighty arsenal of chess piece-coded keys to lock them up in some obscure corner of the five-story police station. (Later on you'd gain more powerful weapons, like the ability to blow fuses in the circuit box or the all-powerful Pile Of Rubble Blocking The Stairs).
There could also be an RPG element; for every human brain you ate, you'd gain a skill point. Skill points could then be allocated to improving different zombie skills like Hiding In Dark Corners, Pretending To Be Dead, and Punching Through Walls.
You know, that wouldn't be such a bad game design after all...
Green Monkey
...what kind of filtering process to game ideas have to go through to get "okey'd"?... cause if you have ever owned any video game system, you know that there are some shitty games... i mean, what makes it ok for "Irritating Stick" to be released, but not "Workplace Politics at the Watercooler"...?
anyone know? thanks!
djsw
-
-Earthman
Earthman
Say it to me face w/ out wasting space...
Elian: The Rescue!
-Earthman
Earthman
Say it to me face w/ out wasting space...
I vote for Rise of The Robots as having one of the worst game designs ever. In fact you'd be hard placed to detect any game design at all.
They created a beat 'em up where pressing one comimbination of attack keys would always make you win.
They created a game with zero gameplay but which sold in droves due to its pretty graphics and big marketing push.
How about a text based Interactive fiction version of Quake.
Guess the most appropriate command to type at the command line or get fragged to death.
While I'm at it, how about a TamaGeeki?
We've already got Tamagotchi variant in the droves, including a Tamagothi, but there's room for niche markets (are we a niche, or what?)...
Comes in a variety of cases, such as chrome, beige, fishbowl, and penguin. Has Jolt, Ramen, Quake and Flame buttons to allow you to interact with your little pet coder. Depending on how you treat your Geeki, you might end up with a CorpSuitGeeki, an OpenSourceGeeki, a QuicheEaterGeeki, a PerlMonkGeeki, and many more! Treat them right, and they might even start producing their own kernel patches, perl poetry, or maybe even start reverse-engineering proprietary protocols!
And if you tire of your little abomin... er, pet, there's a special recessed "Indict" button to make sure you never hear from it again...
(Warning - do not use TamaGeekis with IR ports in the vicinity of Furbys. OK? Don't say we didn't warn you.)
Escape from Titanic: The Movie. You get to be Jack, try to defeat the script and survive that icy Atlantic ocean, getting the girl and the necklace!
No. This should be "Escape: from Titanic the Movie". In this game, your aim should be to live as regular a life as possible, whilst avoiding everything connected with the aformentioned film. Go to the video store, gain points for hiring out a Hong Kong action film and a piece of French surrealism, but lose points for catching sight of a Titanic poster as you pass the "Really Popular Films" section. Take a taxi ride to a hip alternative nightclub, but get penalised for hearing Celine Dion wailing over the car stereo three times on the way there, and for hearing a couple of young girls trying to get into the club gushing about Leonardo is just so to die for.
The possibilities are endless. Completely inane and pointless, but endless...
Menstruation Arena:Extreme Bloodflow.
The first, last, and only tech news site on the net
Version 1; Troll Bonanza - Get as low a score as possible while pooring hot grits down your pc!
Version 2; Post Insightful, Humorous or Informative comments and see your karma go through the roof! (This version only available if you're running Linux)
Hey... aren't we already playing this...?
What about "PMS patrol"? You can play an evil woman cop with a severe case of PMS, blasting every criminal to kingdom come?
How to make a sig
without having an idea
My action game would be a 16 bit clone of diable 2, i am hiring beta testors now, if you want to test this awesome game, please email me, anyways slashdot is dying, it is getting to be a piece of shit median for communication.
Slappy
you mean nobody has heard of the game called Panty Raider? http://www.pantyraider.com woo-hoo!!!!
I'm good with numbers -
MicroMonopolist - The Roleplaying Game - You either play a software meglomaniac who has to dominate all standard, OR you play a US lawyer trying to stop them...
In a similar vane: IPO!
Nuture you smart techy mousetrap past the twin perils of Slashdotting and VC dumbing down, until you reach that all mighty IPO! But make sure the market's right for the latest thing...
In this game, the object is to get a bunch of irregular objects (which are labeled as Microsoft products) to fit into seamless levels. Of course the pace of the game and the point stakes increasingly rise to match the level of the action. But be careful! If you have tremendous success and end up with complementary products tightly bundled, the game causes the screen to be split into two areas, and you have to make the products fit somehow anyway despite the partition!
-L
You walk around Karma St. in lustful search of Signal 11 and slashdot-terminal.
I seem to remember a BBS door game I played in 1994 or so that dealt with this, actually two of them: Studs and Studette (I think, I've killed a lot of brain cells between then and now). Once you got into a room with the target, it was advisable to feel him/her up first to make sure he/she wasn't toting a badge. And I think, once you got into --ahem-- doing the deed, you had to hit "p" (for "pump") repeatedly, and if your stamina meter (heh) ran out before the john's did, you got paid less. This screen was complete with a bad ANSI drawing of two people screwing.
I also seem to remember a similar door game in which you were a pimp, but I may have hallucinated that one.
This is a Chao. A Chao says "Mu."
1st?
dont mess with lesbian gamers! They will kick your ass!
Since we're on the subject of bad games... Daiktana Dance
One of the games is missing! You can't forget the Deaf Dumb & Blind kid game!!
:)
That one is the best!
I was thinking this would be a bad game. You start out as with a small cube and slow computer. You have to steal office supplies and equipment in order to do your job. As you move up in the game you get better cubicles, better computers, and maybe even a window view. The game ends when you finally die or steal enough office supplies to start your own dot.com and force other sims to work for you.
Nevermind, it's just too damn real....
Oooh ooh ooh! Let's try to duplicate the action and flow of MYST! yeah, and make it even harder this....oh wait, nevemind..
Striving to achieve a lower state of conciousness
This reminds me of a Really REALLY bad idea I had in high school:
Take the classic Apple ][ game, "Lemonade Stand", which was written in Applesoft Basic, and convert it into "Holocaust: The Game of Genocide", by taking the economic model of the game (lemons, sugar, the price of lemonade, etc) and twisting it into a more ghastly varient.
I had actually gotten as far as programming a low-res animation sequence of a room filling with blood piped in from above.
Then, I came to my senses and dropped the project for one involving the creation of characters for the RuneQuest RPG.
144l. ph34r my 133t l3g4l 5k1lz!
These packages are evil, evil down to their pitch black cores. They are illegit MP3 files that unscrupulous users are passing back and forth between each other.
You play the role of a heroic undercover agent Mr. Dre Hetfield, and your job is to bust these criminals red-handed in the heinous act of Copyright Violation.
Your task is to grab each package as it zooms past along the datalines, then quickly send your S.W.A.T. team to the corresponding user and make sure that it's Justice for All.
Once you put an end to all third of a million 31337 traderz, you have won the game. As a hidden bonus, once you're done you get to play the game again from the start with ten times as many foes, with packets moving twice as fast across the screen.
I'll be filing patents for this design later this week unless previous art can be sufficiently demonstrated... :)
Jouni
--
Jouni Mannonen
3D Evangelist
Jouni Mannonen | Game Designer, Consultant
Intern Chaser! The game where power and influence are collected to the end of groping more gullible young office workers than your opponents! Can you be a dirtier old man than your friends? Coming to your favorite on-line gaming server in January of 2001! Guarenteed to make your hard drive go berzerk, your eyes pop out of your head, and your knees sore! Brought to you by the Left Wing Programmers. Programming ignorants since 1776!
3D PONG! playing pong in a real 3D environment, 360 degrees to cover! FUn for HOURS! 3D pong, if your not disy after playing 3D pong we will give you a ticket to the amusement park.
Back when I was eight years old and mucking about on my father's TRaSh-80, I actually designed a game I was so proud of called "Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century." Basically the whole game consisted of moving your ship (one orange block-character) around the screen, trying to avoid the enemy ship (one blue block-character) and getting one point for every "move" you avoided the ship.
Oh, but if that wasn't lame enough, I didn't design any fancy-shmancy artificial intelligence, or even COMMON SENSE: the enemy ship just jumped around the screen at random, using the old trusty RND command. I guess I didn't understand the intricacies of game strategies at that point. At least the "splash screen" had its own theme music: the old "beep-beep-beep-boop" song you got by using the SOUND command in conjunction with the RND command.
And the worst part? I still have the game, stored away permanently on cassette tape (yes, cassette tape - I feel old). And if my music career ever takes off, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to sell that tape on eBay for four figures.
Sean Shannon
Sean Shannon
Proprietor and Editor-in-chief,
It's Just Wrong. Plus, naughty bits on an Atari 2600? What were they thinking? Custer's Revenge
I won't try to explain it here, just look at http://www.visi.com/~dwinker/DuckPong/