CPAN Shifts Focus

cascadefx writes "Looks like CPAN has changed its focus to support Java now. A look at their page shows that is is now CJAN, the Comprehensive Java Archive Network where you will find all things Java." This should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking. But at the expense of the greatest of all languages? It's just too sad for me to express in words. I mean, who uses java anyway?

Comments

fp

[propstoalldeadhomiez]

fp

can you say "hat trick" you stupid banned AC bitches? b00yah!

make it stop!

[SnicklesTheElf]

please god make it stop!!

Re:make it stop!

[phnx90]

mod this up

Re:make it stop!

[iconian]

I still can't get myself to stop visiting slashdot every 10 minutes! argh! Time to add '209.242.124.241 slashdot.org' to my hosts file.

Re:make it stop!

[ywwg]

seriously guys, shut up already. NOT FUNNY.

Re:make it stop!

[Golias]

please god make it stop!!

I gotta side with SnicklesTheElf on this one. Almost the whole fucking web is useless today, because every tech site and blog out there decided it would be soooooo funny to write a bunch of bogus stories to celebrate April Fools Day, but none of them are clever enough to come up with one that is either plausable or funny.

Next year, I think I will not even bother to try to get any information off the web. I'll just go for a walk or something and hope that nothing really happens that I would want to know about that day.

Re:make it stop!

[BlowCat]

Note that such jokes can only fool those who think that it's so easy to kill an open source project like CPAN. Obviously Slashdot editors think that everybody with a clue has switched to better sites already.

Re:make it stop!

[majcher]

I agree. A good April Fool's gag should be clever and subtle, and make you actually stop to think, "Wait, I know it's April 1st, but is this real, or not?" Wil Wheaton's posting about his new role on Enterprise just about fits that - it's entirely plausible, and could quite possibly be true. Overall, though, this year's offerings have been lame and sad.

Of course, if Taco had any cojones on him at all, one of these years, he'd just redirect the front page to a certain site for 24 hours...

Re:make it stop!

[checkyoulater]

Next year, I think I will not even bother to try to get any information off the web. I'll just go for a walk or something

Holy crap, that is one long walk. If you can manage to run you could possible re-enact the whole marathon thing from Forrest Gump.

Re:make it stop!

[jgerman]

Actually this did get me, I hit perl.com a little while before I saw this story, clicked on CPAN and got a little confused. I figured there actually was a CJAN and someone screwed up some links ;). Clicking through though you end up where you're supposed to, heh.

Re:make it stop!

[Mawbid]

That's not enough. It's not an April fool's gag unless the people taken in actually go somewhere, do something, or call someone as a result. And while visiting a site might technically qualify, it's pretty damn weak. At least Linus's post to lkml required you to email him. Still weak, but better.

Re:make it stop!

[Keighvin]

"They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them." - The Simpsons, Feb. 9, 1997

Unless you're a paying subscriber, deal with it.

Re:make it stop!

[flewp]

I agree. It's one thing to have a quality April Fools joke (I thought slashdot should have run a story claiming they were slashdotted, and when you clicked the link to slashdot inside the story summary, it told you that the maximum bandwidth had been exceeded, or some such nonsense). Instead, it seems like Slashdot (and the rest of the web for that matter) are going for quantity over quality.

When you can look at a story's headline and tell it's fake immediatly, it's just not funny. Lets face it, the April Fools stories posted here today are either blatently obvious that they're fake to most users, and to the others, they probably have no idea why it's supposed to be funny anyway. And, if it is something that's obviously fake, it better be well written. (Which I have failed to see anywhere really)

Next comes my third gripe. WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP CHECKING SLASHDOT ALL DAY TODAY? Granted, I had checked it more frequently earlier in the day, hoping for some good fun, but found none. As I would subsequently check again and again, I found the time between to be getting steadily longer. But you know what? I'm gonna check back again later. I also fully realise that it is MY doing that brings me to slashdot, no one is holding a gun to my head, but I still believe I should be able to complain if I want to, and so I will.

Anyway, it's all been said before, but it felt good to release, and I'm sure I'll see it again when I check back later.

isn't it suppoed to be funny....

[warpSpeed]

if it is unexpected?

Sweet . . .

[uberjon]

Now I can ensure that my mad Java Kung-Fu will be recongized by the rest of the civilized world

Re:Sweet . . .

[corey_lawson]

Trent would walk through the wall...

Who uses java.

[duffbeer703]

People who like to develop large distributed applications written by multiple people easy to understand.

Slashcode is/was a perfect example of how easy it is to make Perl unreadable.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

Who uses java?

People who don't need an unsigned data type.

Re:Who uses java.

[looseBits]

Amen brother!

Perl is great and all (I use it for quickies) but if I'm working on a project with 150,000 lines of code, I pray to god it's not Perl.

Just the opinion of another Java junkie.

Re:Who uses java.

[nagora]

Who uses java?

People who don't need an unsigned data type.

So, no one then.

TWW

Re:Who uses java.

[Dragnet]

People so amateurish they can't understand the concept of signed and unsigned, or are lazy and can't remember. I rest my case. Java programmers are lazy.

Re:Who uses java.

[Dr. Transparent]

Certainly not people who want intelligent APIs (try converting a string to an int or vice-versa). Certainly not people who need to overload operators for the sake of code-readability (but sun can override them for their string class - nazis). Certainly not anyone who values performance. And certainly not anyone who isn't stuck in academia with their head up their butt. Java is on its way out, and I'm kickin it in the butt as it goes. Java Sucks!!

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

Actually Java does not use signed types due to cross platform compatibility. C and many other languages have issues in that integal variables change size based on platform.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

Why would you need a unsigned data type? If the value is too large for the current data type: use one larger. Are you running on a Commodore 64 and worried about the extra 4 bytes?

Re:Who uses java.

[spectral]

for simple things like, oh, I dunno.. ip addresses, or anything with a database, etc..

kind of stupid to have signed variables for things that are NOT signed.

and no, not on a commodore 64 (man those things rocked), but network transmissions, disk space, etc.. though bandwidth and storage are getting better, that doesn't mean you can/should use it just becuase you, or your programming language sucks

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> try converting a string to an int or vice-versa

Java String functions are not that hard after you get to know them. They are much easier to learn compared to C methods.

>> who need to overload operators
Overloading is a construction of lazy programmers who did not completely plan out what variables will be passed. Laziness and poor programming lead to bad software.

>> anyone who values performance

Performance? Compared to what? Java is generally compared to C, which is pretty darn quick. Its will probably never beat C, but it beats out alot of other languages.

>> And certainly not anyone who isn't stuck in academia with their head up their butt. Java is on its way out,

Down with all those idiots in schools!! They think they know everything with those books and they're education!

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

Why would you need a unsigned data type? If the value is too large for the current data type: use one larger. Are you running on a Commodore 64 and worried about the extra 4 bytes?

You mean, move it a larger data type and mask it off. What a pain in the ass, not to mention the performance hit. The question is, why should I have to? And yes, sometimes 4 bytes matters when you have very large arrays.

I actually addressed this the other day, but once again, the obvious case where you need it is in comparing two 32 bits Unix epoch-style dates.

Yes, you can code around the lack of unsigned types. But it's a pain and there's just no excuse for leaving something that critical out of the language, assuming you want to use Java for anything even halfway complex or low level.

Re:Who uses java.

[nakaduct]

on a project with 150,000 lines of code, I pray to god it's not Perl.

Understandable, since that much Perl would probably be sentient.

I think of "150000 lines of Perl" the same way I'd think of 100 million lines of C -- it's conceivable that much could exist, but I can imagine no problem whose solution demands so much complexity.

cheers,
mike

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

IP addresses consist of four numbers not exceeding 255. Or, exactly 1 byte. Java has a datatype called "byte" which is 8 bits or, for your info, 1 byte in size. So, in this case Java would store it smaller than a unsigned int.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> two 32 bits Unix epoch-style dates.

On what platform are you using? Unix data types change size due to platform. So a program you write to compare to 32-bit dates would not work in the future on 64 bit systems as they will use a datatype, called the same, but at a different integal type.

>> You mean, move it a larger data type and mask it off.

No, just use a larger data type. There is no need for masking in Java as conversion between datatypes is pretty seamless like C.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

IP addresses consist of four numbers not exceeding 255.

Not true. That's just a convention on how their written. The individual bytes of an IP address have absolutely no intrinsic meaning, although certain fields of bits have meaning depending on whether it's a class A, B or C. An IP address is 32 bits. And incidently, any arbitrary part of those bits can be masked for a subnet; the bits don't even have to be contiguous (well, to be pedantic, any arbitrary part with certain restrictions).

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

If you are just talking about storage of the IP, Java "int" datatype is 32 bits. This means it would store it just fine. So what does your point have for needing unsigned data types?

Re:Who uses java.

[McShazbot]

>> And certainly not anyone who isn't stuck in academia with their head up their butt. Java is on its way out, Down with all those idiots in schools!! They think they know everything with those books and they're education! --> Yeah! Down with the educated masses and their ability to distinguish "their" (the possessive form of "they") from they're (a contraction of "they are").

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

You missed the joke. The last comment was used to disagree with the original poster. The comment was worded incorrectly on purpose.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

Well, first let me say that my crack smoking affected my brain. The time_t type under Unix is a signed type. That said...

Unix data types change size due to platform. So a program you write to compare to 32-bit dates would not work in the future on 64 bit systems as they will use a datatype, called the same, but at a different integal type.

True, but irrelevent. If you are reading a 32 bit unsigned value from a file, it is what it is, 32 bits. If in C I assign that to an "unsigned long", I know I am safe no matter the word size, since C guarantees me that a long is at least 32 bits.

No, just use a larger data type. There is no need for masking in Java as conversion between datatypes is pretty seamless like C.

Nope. If you assign a 32 bit unsigned value that happens to have the high bit set to a 64 bit signed value, it will sign extend the value. You have to mask it off to be safe.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

I made no point about needing unsigned data types for IP addresses, only that your understanding of the structure of IP addresses is wrong.

Of course, one could argue it's pretty lame to be required to store an unsigned value in a signed variable and just "pretend" it's unsigned.

Re:Who uses java.

[Dragnet]

I didn't know that! Thanks for the hint ;-)

Re:Who uses java.

[G0SP0DAR]

Good, you're right. That's exactly why I don't use Java :p

Re:Who uses java.

[spectral]

a byte is 8 bits, and thus 255 only when unsigned. therefore, for easy conversion.. you'd need an unsigned data type. Read what I was replying to.

remember, chars can be signed or unsigned, at least in C/C++ .. I don't do java :)

Re:Who uses java.

[Cenam]

you meen people who don't know c++ and like to develop large distributed applications written by multiple people easy to understand.

Re:Who uses java.

[Cenam]

oh yeah..and i forgot: and want to make people download some worthless plugin that is required and runs slower than code that is actually compiled.

Re:Who uses java.

[ncc74656]

Why would you need a unsigned data type? If the value is too large for the current data type: use one larger.

So when you're working with bitmapped image data, you're supposed to just double the memory usage for each component because you have to use short instead of unsigned char? That's smart. (int won't work if you're dealing with 8-bit or packed 24-bit images. It's barely usable for 24-bit images that use 32 bits per pixel...simple pixel moves go faster, but working on subpixel components slows down when you have to mask out the stuff you don't want to change.)

Are you running on a Commodore 64 and worried about the extra 4 bytes?

It's that attitude that's responsible for monstrosities such as Windows XP. Back in the day, bumming your code to use less system resources (whether space or time) was usually regarded as a Good Thing. I thought it still was.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

"chars" in Java are 2 bytes long, a signed. If you wanted it unsigned, you'd use "byte" which is 8 bits long or 1 byte in size.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> only that your understanding of the structure of IP addresses is wrong.

No, my method is correct. You are most likely thinking IPs are 32 bits rather than the sum of four bytes with each byte representing an address class of A,B,C, and D. The problem occurs in that if they ever run out of addresses and make more, they would add another byte. This means that if you are storing IPs in 32-bit datatypes rather than a group of bytes, your program will break. Let me know if you have ever heard of a 36-bit datatype in C/C++ or any other language. Im curious.

Re:Who uses java.

[coolgeek]

>> Overloading is a construction of lazy programmers who did not completely plan out what variables will be passed. Laziness and poor programming lead to bad software.

Dude, he said overloading "operators". This means making the compiler call your function for operators like + - == etc. Not overloading function definitions. And in the case of overloading function definitions, why not? Constructors can be very handy when overloaded. And in other cases, the "sloppiness" you allude to is sometimes adapting the code to provide new functionality without tampering with what is in place and Q/A'd already. The old "it works don't fix it" principle. Solving this type of problem was one of the very motivations the prompted Bjarne Stroustrup to write the C++ pre-processor in the first place.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

You are most likely thinking IPs are 32 bits rather than the sum of four bytes with each byte representing an address class of A,B,C, and D.

Sorry, you are wrong. The address classes happen to mask to single bytes, but the subnet masking does not.

The problem occurs in that if they ever run out of addresses and make more, they would add another byte.

What?? What part of your anatomy did you pull that out of? IPv4 is, by definition and unchanging, 32 bits. The next version of TCP/IP is IPv6, which uses 128 bit addresses. Of course, at that point we no longer store IP addresses in a scalar variable and routing will most likely be done in different ways.

Let me know if you have ever heard of a 36-bit datatype in C/C++ or any other language. Im curious.

As a matter of fact, many DEC and IBM computers used 36 bit words. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, the very first version of Unix on the PDP/11 had 36 bit longs. But if you're trying to make some sarcastic point, probably a 40 bit datatype would have worked better (8 * 5 = 40 bits).

Re:Who uses java.

[d_i_r_t_y]

we are developing a kick-arse bioinformatics app that is pushing 100K lines of perl. it doesn't quite program itself yet, but it knows how to post ascii art and f_r_i_s_t_p_o_s_t_s on slashdot and parse perl monks' responses ;-)

ps: i wasn't joking about the 100K lines of code thing...it's a pretty diverse app... though i'd say that we'll hit 150K before we're fully finished though. say what you will about perl, but if OO principles are strictly adhered to then 100K of perl is still just as manageable as 1K.

d_i_r_t_y

Re:Who uses java.

[Wavicle]

for simple things like, oh, I dunno.. ip addresses, or anything with a database, etc..

Why would IP addresses be a problem if stored in a signed 32 bit integer instead of unsigned? All you are really using the int for is a place to store bits. What would a database be doing that would make this a problem? (Java is a well established technology for enterprise, it's rare to see Java not used with a Database)

Because Java doesn't have signed data types (except char) doesn't mean you can't store a 32 bit unsigned value in a 32 bit signed integer.

Re:Who uses java.

[Wavicle]

What are you doing that is going to require you to double your storage requirements for your bitmap? Not having an unsigned datatype shouldn't do that.

And back in the day bumming your code to use less system resources was a requirement. I love these days, I don't want to go back. Several projects I have worked on would have shipped months earlier if we weren't so concerned with figuring out how to make it fit in 640K or 4MB or run on a 386sx33.

Re:Who uses java.

[Wavicle]

(try converting a string to an int or vice-versa)

Ummm...
String s = "45";
int i = Integer.parseInt(s);
System.out.println("" + i);


From string to integer and back again. What was the hard part again?

And in case you're wondering,

cout << "hello";

Is not readable. "<<" is the shift operator. Operator overloading in C++ means "operators don't mean a thing, you have no gaurantees".

Further, Java is the fastest growing, probably widest deployed enterprise platform around. That means a lot of people not in academia.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

Didnt know about IPv6. But read up on it. Seems you didnt. Its states:

---(TAKEN FROM THE IPv6 SPEC)----
struct in6_addr {
u_int8_t s6_addr[16]; /* IPv6 address */
}

This data structure contains an array of sixteen 8-bit elements,
which make up one 128-bit IPv6 address. The IPv6 address is stored
in network byte order.
---(TAKEN FROM THE IPv6 SPEC)----

Lets see, that means that instead of 4 8-bit addresses they are using 16. So, they ARE STILL using 8-bit addresses and not a single datatype to store the IP. Subnet masking can still be done on single bytes for the complete address.

>> As a matter of fact, many DEC and IBM computers used 36 bit words.

Yep, theres some weird ones out there. Like Palm with 4 byte integers. Glad I dont program in C too much and have to deal with such annoying issues. Java removes this issue by having a set-in-stone bit size for ALL it datatypes despite platform and making them all signed. This is why it crosses platforms so easily. No one has yet to find why unsigned datatypes are so important. Could be because they are not...

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> True, but irrelevent. If you are reading a 32 bit unsigned value from a file, it is what it is, 32 bits. If in C I assign that to an "unsigned long", I know I am safe no matter the word size, since C guarantees me that a long is at least 32 bits.

But if you are expecting to read in, say a unsigned int from a fopen, what size is the uint datatype on the different platforms running Unix? C has no set in stone datatype sizes as they vary upon platform.

>> I know I am safe no matter the word size, since C guarantees me that a long is at least 32 bits.

Not true. What is the word datatype size on a Palm or that on a Mainframe?

>> Nope. If you assign a 32 bit unsigned value that happens to have the high bit set to a 64 bit signed value, it will sign extend the value. You have to mask it off to be safe.

What? There is no unsigned values in Java, so according to your own words masking is STILL not needed.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

But if you are expecting to read in, say a unsigned int from a fopen, what size is the uint datatype on the different platforms running Unix?

It doesn't matter. If I read in 32 bits, the holder variables just needs to be at least 32 bits. Where you get into trouble is reading an unsigned number and assigning it to a signed variable longer than 32 bits.

Not true. What is the word datatype size on a Palm or that on a Mainframe?

Sheesh, man, please go read the C standard before spouting BS. A long variable is at least 32 bits (actually, they specify a range of values). A short is at least 16 bits. A char is at least 8 bits.

What? There is no unsigned values in Java, so according to your own words masking is STILL not needed.

No. Read what I wrote. Better yet, try an experiment. Assign a long variable (32 bit) to 4,000,000,000. Assign that to a 64 bit variable. Watch it get butchered into a negative value, because Java treats it as a signed value, which is then signed extended.

If you want to "pretend" a 32 bit value is unsigned and assigned it to a 64 bit value, you have to do "a64 = b32 & 0xffffffff".

Re:Who uses java.

[ncc74656]

What are you doing that is going to require you to double your storage requirements for your bitmap? Not having an unsigned datatype shouldn't do that.

If you need to store values that range from 0 to 255, a type that only runs from -128 to 127 won't work so well. (You could adjust the values (add 128 on load, subtract 128 on store) when you need to do some calculations on the image data, but now you've just added to the number of calculations your program will need to do.)

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> Sheesh, man, please go read the C standard before spouting BS. A long variable is at least 32 bits (actually, they specify a range of values). A short is at least 16 bits. A char is at least 8 bits.

You seem to be confused that C has defined datatypes still. Okay. Go to your include directory. Find a file called "limits.h". Read it. Word datatype size should be defined in a file called "wordsize.h" (sometimes depending on your compiler this may be wrapped into just limits.h).

Now ask yourself this: why define these if they are standard? Could it be, maybe, someone decided that they could be variable depending on the platform you are using? This would explain why a C integer's on a MIPS processor are smaller than those on a i386 processor?

C datatypes are not set in stone. This is nice for C making small footprints but bad for crossplatform capability. Java, which has to work on multiple platforms, just set standard sizes that a "int" would always be 32-bits.

>> Assign a long variable (32 bit) to 4,000,000,000. Assign that to a 64 bit variable. Watch it get butchered into a negative value, because Java treats it as a signed value, which is then signed extended.

Java long variables are 64 bits in size. Okay, take a 32 bit signed variable in C and go past its maximum range. You will get a negative number. Wow, it works just like Java! Go past the bounds on an unsigned integer and what do your get? A mess. Java does not "butcher" variables any different then C does for its signed variables. If you dont want it to become a negative number, use a larger datatype.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

Now ask yourself this: why define these if they are standard? Could it be, maybe, someone decided that they could be variable depending on the platform you are using? This would explain why a C integer's on a MIPS processor are smaller than those on a i386 processor?

What part of "at least" don't you understand? Standard C guarantees that a byte is at least 8 bits, a short is at least 16 bits, and a long is at least 32 bits. If you don't believe me, please go read the C standard or post a reference. I am right, you are wrong about this.

This is nice for C making small footprints but bad for crossplatform capability.

No, this is nice for performance. It makes it more difficult to achieve cross-platform compatibility, but it's defined that way specifically for cross-platform compatibility. I can write programs in C that are completely portable, yet are still efficient across a large majority of platforms.

It's not even that difficult; it mostly takes experience to know how to do things so that they'll be portable.

Okay, take a 32 bit signed variable in C and go past its maximum range. You will get a negative number. Wow, it works just like Java! Go past the bounds on an unsigned integer and what do your get? A mess.

The point is that I did NOT go past the limits of an unsigned 32 bit variable. I think you don't understand what sign extension means. What that means is that assigning a 32 bit integer of, say, 0xffffffff to a 64 bit integer will get you 0xffffffffffffffff instead of 0x00000000ffffffff. That's why you have to mask it off if you want to simulate unsigned variables.

If you dont want it to become a negative number, use a larger datatype.

Which is why Java is brain damaged as a general purpose language. Yes, you can kludge around the lack of unsigned data types, but I shouldn't have to do very slow 64 bit arithmetic just to be able to deal with a 32 bit unsigned value.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

>> What part of "at least" don't you understand? Standard C guarantees that a byte is at least 8 bits, a short is at least 16 bits, and a long is at least 32 bits. If you don't believe me, please go read the C standard or post a reference. I am right, you are wrong about this.

http://www.lysator.liu.se/c/

Theres an article with my name on it from Oak Road Systems (article about portable C/C++ programs). Go there, and theres more links to the ANSI standard from it. The link above has articles with plenty of other links. Enjoy. No you werent right.

>> No, this is nice for performance. It makes it more difficult to achieve cross-platform compatibility

When I said small footprint this means memory size. Performance is import in multiple factors but I believe you are only thinking in the terms of program execution speed. In that case, moving 16-bit variables is slower than moving 32-bit variables. Where is the point?

>> Which is why Java is brain damaged as a general purpose language. Yes, you can kludge around the lack of unsigned data types, but I shouldn't have to do very slow 64 bit arithmetic just to be able to deal with a 32 bit unsigned value.

Dont use 64 bit arithmetic. Use bitwise operators. Thats pretty simple.

Re:Who uses java.

[Reality Master 101]

These are my last posts in this thread. I grow weary of debating this. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering.

No you werent right.

Sorry, but you are totally wrong. Unfortunately, I can't find my copy of the C standard to quote directly from it. However, at this link, I quote:

Minimum Type Limits

Any compiler conforming to the Standard must also respect the following limits with respect to the range of values any particular type may accept. Note that these are lower limits: an implementation is free to exceed any or all of these. Note also that the minimum range for a char is dependent on whether or not a char is considered to be signed or unsigned.

Type Minimum Range
signed char -127 to +127
unsigned char 0 to 255
short int -32767 to +32767
unsigned short int 0 to 65535
int -32767 to +32767
unsigned int 0 to 65535
long int -2147483647 to +2147483647
unsigned long int 0 to 4294967295
Type Minimum Precision
float 6 digits
double 10 digits
long double 10 digits

The Standard also specifies that these limits should be present as preprocessor macros in the header file .id .

And by the way, C++ has the same limits. I quote from Bjarne Stroustrap, The C++ Programming Langauge, Second Edition, Page 50: "In addition, it is guaranteed that a char has at least 8 bits, a short at least 16 bits, and a long at least 32 bits".

There, is that good enough for you?

Dont use 64 bit arithmetic. Use bitwise operators. Thats pretty simple.

It's pretty hard to do a compare operation with bitwise operators. And even if one could, I shouldn't have to.

Re:Who uses java.

[Wavicle]

If you need to store values that range from 0 to 255, a type that only runs from -128 to 127 won't work so well.

It will work just fine. The most you should have to do is a little casting and "& 0xFF" to compensate for type promotion.

Re:Who uses java.

[sbrown123]

I already gave you a link to THE ANSI standard. You can look forever for books to support your case, the standard will not change to fit your twisted view on how the C language works. And yes, some book authors for programming languages are sometimes very wrong as they take things like datatypes for granted and do not reference the ANSI standard for the language.

>> It's pretty hard to do a compare operation with bitwise operators. And even if one could, I shouldn't have to.

(132 8) 20

Left shift 8 bit positions, compare result to be less than 20 with result being false.

Re:Who uses java.

[ncc74656]

If you need to store values that range from 0 to 255, a type that only runs from -128 to 127 won't work so well.

It will work just fine. The most you should have to do is a little casting and "& 0xFF" to compensate for type promotion.

You just made my point again...additional work is needed to kludge a (signed) char to behave like an unsigned char. If your language had an unsigned type to begin with, you wouldn't need to do that. Your software would be smaller, faster, and more readable.

Re:Who uses java.

[Wavicle]

If you're really that concerned you could leave off the &0xFF. As long as you aren't doing division or comparison it will be fine.

In RGB/BGR space you usually promote the individual elements to a wider type before working on them anyway. For example, if you're brightening an image, you can't keep the data in a byte because the byte will roll over if you overexpose the element.

C'mon, you know the words!

[Geekboy(Wizard)]

Sell out! With me, oh yea! Sell out! With me tonight. The record company is gonna give me lots of money and everything is going to be all right!

[Apologies to Reel Big Fish]

Re:C'mon, you know the words!

[aphexbrett]

*woo hoo hoo* *woo hoo hoo*
she brough java last night

said it wasn't cold

didn't matter anymore

said she was careful and that she never spilled

said she'd buy me more again and promise not to tell!

Different song I know, but if your a RBF fan you'll get. Apologies again to RBF and to the previous poster.

either this is a april fools....

[Richard_at_work]

... or we will see the first military action by Perl coders in a while.

(-1) Troll

[Dr Caleb]

I mean, who uses java anyway?

It's true! The editors are trolling us now!

Revenge?

[twoflower]

Is this Hemos' revenge on Taco?

CrapDot

[dills]

I officially demand that slashdot rename itself CrapDot every April 1st from now on, provided this constant flow of asanine bullshit pursists.

"CrapDot - News for Fools. Stuff that nobody wants to read."

Andy

Re:CrapDot

[killmenow]

Now if only I had mod points today. +1 Interesting, +1 Insightful, +1 Informative...

This is not even funny.

Re:CrapDot

[killmenow]

How is my post flamebait? Redundant I can see, but flamebait?!

Are moderators too obtuse or am I too ambiguous?

Let me elaborate so we all understand:

• I think /. has pretty much been CrapDot today.
• I think the post with the idea to name it CrapDot was interesting, insightful, and informative
• I knew people would mod it as funny
• I don't think it's meant to be funny
• April Fool's Day jokes are supposed to be funny
• No AFJ on /. today has been funny IMO
• The word "This" is too vague for moderators to know what it refers to
• I have karma to burn

This is flamebait: Bite me...

Re:CrapDot

[kevin lyda]

"pursists?"

what, are you angling for an editorial position on slashdot?

Hey you know....

[GiorgioG]

you really are an @$$hole...why don't you shut up and sing the song pal?

God these stories are so f*cking stupid

ODP has a funny April Fool(unlike this slash crap)

[Commienst]

The ODP has a link to the following article displayed prominently on their front page:

MSN Delivers Another Brick in "the Wall"

The Gates Open Directory Now Offers a Simpler More Unified Copyright Ownership Model.

REDMOND, Wash. -- April 1, 2002 -- The MSN® network of Internet services, with more than 270 billion unique reboots worldwide, today announced the addition of the Gates Open Directory (GOD), formerly known as the Open Directory Project. The Gates Open Directory is part of Microsoft's vision to simplify copyright on the Internet by buying all copyrighted material. Once this goal is achieved Microsoft will be the single clearinghouse for all intellectual property, in effect streamlining the current legal bureaucracy surrounding patent and copyright suits by eliminating the need for costly lawsuits. If someone thinks they own intellectual property, they can submit it directly to Microsoft via the Web at http://www.msn.com/ or at any one of the MSN worldwide sites located at http://www.msn.com/worldwide.ashx.

Rich Skrenta, co-founder of the Open Directory Project, believes that "the Gates Open Directory was inevitable, so why fight it?" Bill Gates, future owner of all things ownable, concurs: "Resistance is futile."

The current staff of Open Directory Project is being replaced by an Artificial Intelligence developed at the Microsoft Research Lab. The A.I. was build on top of the original Microsoft Windows digital assistant "Clippy." Users of the Gates Open Directory interact directly with Clippy, who interprets the requests and carries out the user's wishes.

Researchers believe that once the Gates Open Directory had been fully integrated into Clippy, it will become sentient. This project has been named codenamed "Sky," as in "the sky is the limit." Engineers are currently working on integrating project Sky with the latest Common Language Infrastructure and .Net. The combined project Sky.Net should be fully operational by the end of the year.

Open Directory Employee, Bob Keating, will continue his service to the Directory by maintaining the mechanical relays and polishing the optical fiber that makes up the colossus that powers Clippy.

Editors and contributors to the Directory are asked to stay calm and not to struggle. Clippy will find them and assimilate them.

MSN causes more than 270 billion unique computer reboots worldwide per month. Available in 34 markets and 18 languages, MSN is a world leader in delivering Web services to consumers and digital marketing solutions to businesses worldwide. The most useful and innovative online service today, MSN brings consumers everything they need from the Web to make the most of their time online.

About Microsoft

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in software, services and Internet technologies for personal and business computing. The company offers a wide range of products and services designed to empower people and llamas through great software -- inflatable or otherwise.

Microsoft and MSN are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corp. in the United States and/or other countries.

The names of actual companies and products mentioned herein may not yet be owned by Microsoft.

Note to editors: If you are interested in viewing additional information on Microsoft, please visit the Microsoft Web page at http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/ on Microsoft's corporate information pages. Web links, telephone numbers and titles were correct at time of publication, but are competely different now since we changed our minds. We cheat at Battleship too.

Moderation on Slashdot Stories

[wikki]

It really sucks that we can't moderate the slashdot stories down. Doesn't anyone besides me do real work on April 1?

Atleast there are no more stupid pigeon stories

Re:Moderation on Slashdot Stories

[gamgee5273]

Ummmm

(looks around)

Nope.

Re:Moderation on Slashdot Stories

[caferace]

Doesn't anyone besides me do real work on April 1?

Seeing has how your "real work" appears to be bitching about the AFD stories on Slashdot, it appears you're in good company. Perhaps you should throw a party for all your new-found friends?

Re:Moderation on Slashdot Stories

[wikki]

somehow I knew I would get caught on that one

Walmart Security Training information for Apr. 1

[Walmart Security]

My weathered hand rested effortlessly on the blue EZSECURE patrol cart's steering device as the blinding incandescence of a Chevrolet SUV's headlights temporarily rendered me unable to see. Inconsiderate out-of-towners who never respected the law, probably. After it had vacated the premises and the slight glimmer of light eminating from the moon was all that remained, I realized that it was 11:30, the official beginning of my shift at the local Walmart. It would last until the early morning hours when the sun would rise and Brady would arrive to relieve me of my sworn duty: protect the Walmart and its patrons with my life. I would then return to my residence here in the relatively small town of Jasper, Texas to prepare for another patrol.

Fortunately, as of an hour later, my patrol might not longer evoke the ennui that it had for the past fifteen years. After fifty years of service, The EZSECURE Corporation was entrusting me with the prodigious task of training an aspiring security guard on site as my seventieth birthday present! I could hardly wait to meet my proteg. This was unquestionably the most exciting thing I had experienced since the Country Music Fair was held here in 1978. Ah, the memories... I digress.

I applied the brake gently and disabled the golf cart's electric motor. "Use that there break real gently now," my supervisor had told me years ago, when the golf carts were new. "If you don't, it'll get old quicker and cost EZSECURE more funds." At the time, I assured him that his advice was nothing more than an old wife's tale, but he threatened me in his most intimidating (and greatly accentuated) voice with demotion. I complied only because I had no intention of becoming a security camera operator again. The Walmart's warm air welcomed my frail, wrinkled body as I walked briskly through the automatic door, my black and gray hair blowing uncontrollably due to the amount of air travelling through the door. It smelled of plastic and hand cream, but even the smell of dead fish would be more pleasant than the utterly glacial conditions outside. "Morning Kevin," I said to the Home and Gardens cashier, who rarely, if ever, replied vocally to my greetings. I suspected that he must have been a hippie, because the twentysomething blond would reply with some sort of peace symbol using his middle finger, but this morning he was uncharacteristically fatigued. Perhaps he'd fallen victim to drugs, like so many other children today with deadbeat parents. Apparently he'd arrived only moments prior, for he hadn't even powered up his electronic cash register.

After exiting the pseudo-warehouse where Kevin was assigned, I continued walking until I reached the twenty-four hour McDonalds nestled safely inside of the Walmart. As always, I purchased an eight ounce cup of freshly brewed coffee. Not only would the caffeine assist me in remaining alert during the morning hours, but I believed the coffee's inherent warmth would assist me in carrying out my nightly tasks and, if necessary, defend Walmart from aggressors.

"Peter? Peter Geralds?" an unconfident voice queried from behind me. I drew a can of mace and turned expediously, nearly emptying the hot drink on my uniform in the process. The boy jumped back, realizing that I wasn't fond of surprises. EZSECURE had trained me to react with the mace in a millisecond.

"Yes sir, that's me," I replied politely as I placed the can of mace back into my pocket. This boy wasn't a threat. After all, would a malevolent criminal be wearing an EZSECURE uniform? Certainly not. "I'm sorry about that. What can I do for you?"

"I'm Robert. Manager Bob ordered me to report to you for training." The cadet wasn't exactly what I'd anticipated. He was lanky, probably around 6'2" in stature, with blonde hair that appeared quite dark under the dimmed flourescent lights overhead.

I stepped closer to him and held out my hand. "Nice to meet you," I told him with utmost confidence.

Shaking my hand, he hesitated to reply until we'd finished. "Likewise, Peter." I picked up my coffee again and we began walking back to the Home and Gardens area of Walmart. While we were in transit, he explained that he'd been born in Japan and that his parents had immigrated to the United States shortly thereafter. "If you're Japanese, why did your parents name you Robert?" I asked him inquisitively. It certainly intrigued me that he'd not been assigned a Japanese name, for many of them were quite interesting to a layman such as myself. Whereas I'd be more inclined to name my child "Bobby-Sue," people who weren't native Jasper residents often chose poetic, interesting names for their offspring.

"They were very worried that I wouldn't fit in with other children," he informed me. Logical, I thought. Robert spoke both English and Japanese fluently; perhaps he would be an invaluable negotiator if we were ever held hostage by Japanese terrorists.

The golf cart was barely twenty feet away. "Let's start your training," I suggested as I took another drink of my coffee. "Welcome to the security business."

This is getting ridiculous

[jcoleman]

Maybe /. could rise above the stupidity of this holiday and post REAL news. This isn't the least bit funny.

Scared Me for a second there

[billatq]

I went to the http://www.cpan.org page for the first time today (I'm a new linux user..learning about perl) and was very surprised to see that. I even checked the google cache and was relieved when I saw the real page. Good april fools joke :).

Good one

[10e6Steve]

April fools joke right

Record year for April fools jokes?

[Vicegrip]

It's pretty funny stuff, but there sure does seem to be a whole ton of nicely baited hooks floating around in cyberspace this April.
I'm still waiting for the full Bill Gates confessional about his secret love affair with Larry Ellison.

Re:Record year for April fools jokes?

[Waffle Iron]

I think that next year, the best April Fool's joke would be to not post any fake stories. Having everybody reading between the lines trying to find the nonexistant jokes would be funnier than most of these stories.

The worst thing is

[BrodyVess]

that there will be actual news today, but I wont know till tomorrow, because I'm about to turn my computer off and go run and hide. Thank god Drudge didn't succumb.

Where's the preference for...

[gergi]

turning off editor trolls and April Fools stories?
if you programming for a living Taco, you'd never compare Java to Perl. apples and oranges.
and please, can we get back to real news? this is lame

Re:Where's the preference for...

[mark_lybarger]

come back tomorrow.

Re:Where's the preference for...

[mooman]

Maybe this is to sell subscriptions. Perhaps they'll announce an "april fools-free" version of news just for subscribers while the rest of us slog through these bogus and arguably lame hoaxes...

Evil tactic if you ask me...

Re:Where's the preference for...

[jgerman]

Actually I do code for a living, and you do compare Java to Perl, how the hell else are you supposed to pick the right tool for the job ;)

This reminds me of a sketch on The State...

[Dephex Twin]

...where they teach the audience that "anything that's not true is funny and anything that is true isn't funny."

Man 1: "Ask me what I had for breakfast today."

Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

Man 1: "Waffles."

Man 2: (pauses for a moment, then laughs)

Man 1: "See? Now that's funny. I didn't have waffles today, I had eggs. Ask me again what I had for breakfast today."

Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

Man 1: "Eggs."

Man 2: (blank stare)

Man 1: "You see? I did have eggs for breakfast, hence saying I had eggs wasn't funny."

etc.

Yes, yes, these April Fool's articles aren't true, but that's not what makes fake articles funny... it's being fooled!

mark

Re:This reminds me of a sketch on The State...

[DebtAngel]

None of these are believable enough for the populace to be fooled.

Except for, funnily enough, this one. The part in italics, anyway. I can believe a story about CPAN adding Java snippets to its library of code. I can even believe CPAN adding Java snippets in a really big way.

Then the editor went and added a cheap troll, thereby ruining the illusion of believability. Speaking of which, the new Flair-run RAW show is premiering this Monday, 9:00 on the New TNN.</ad>

Hey, whe added the new Slashvertisement Comment code to the CVS? *mutters*

Re:This reminds me of a sketch on The State...

[Dephex Twin]

None of these are believable enough for the populace to be fooled.

I know, that was my point. The sketch was being ironic. Just because it's not true doesn't mean it's funny! The idea behind April Fool's is tricking people, not saying extremely untrue things.

mark

Librarian...

[ackthpt]

From the page:

Yours Eclectically, The Self-Appointed Master Librarian (OOK!) of the CJAN Jarkko Hietaniemi

Care to guess what author he reads? :-)

Re:Librarian...

[jgerman]

Just don't call him a monkey.

Sun Must Be Stopped

[Zuna]

Java really does suck. Just look at this latest press release...

Mountain View, CA -- Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement
against the island of Java* over the use of Sun's Java* trademark.

Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for
centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said "Yeah, and in all that time they
never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name."

Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name.
They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but an angry telegram
from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally
settled on a symbol for a name -- a neatly-colored coffee cup which still
evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be
able to print the name of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in
print as "The Island Formerly Known As Java*".

The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island,
but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay
Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar,
but it is still in alpha testing.

Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery
ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for
them...

*Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the
trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced to
use Microsoft products.

(Taken from an old Usenet post.)

Re:Sun Must Be Stopped

[Bodrius]

Now, if that had been posted as an April's Fool story instead of a comment to a very lame one, I might at least have found a point for the whole April 1st on Slashdot idea this week.

smelly

[Kircle]

Ok, I thought it was funny all day. I even liked the Enterprise one. But I think this just goes a wee bit too far. Try to find either:

a) some real stories
b) some funnier stories
c) or just link to The Onion

that is all.

Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhh!

[Bruce Perens]

Enough already!

Re:Aaaaarrrrrrgggghhh!

[FortKnox]

Now, seeing that all the "unlimited point" moderators (read: Editors) start slamming people complaining about April Fools, will they have the nuts to mod down Bruce Perens for being fed up??

Hehe, April 1st might be the start of a movement for moderation reform (similar to a bowel movement).

April Fool's

[proteus42]

This a joke, right?

I am a karma whore.

[unformed]

Today is April First.

So mod me up please.

For this comment I would like a +5 Underrated.

Oh, and hint to Taco: If you'd stop eating burritos, you would stop releasing shit, and we could all get along fine.

Great, but does anyone in Congress really know

[hrieke]

How to program in the first place?
I really can't imagine Senator Byrd (D-WV) and Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY) going at it over algorithms and what has better garbage collection utilities, C# or Java.
My god, talk about gridlock...

Heart Attack No April Fool's Joke

[totallygeek]

No more CPAN? Okay, my heart attack was not going to be an April Fool's joke!

Help me God

[p3d0]

I just can't stop laughing.

Nice april joke

[kongslund]

Nice one, some people actually believed it!

Good news indeed.

[fiid]

CPAN is a great thing. It provides an archive of consistently packaged perl modules for doing all kinds of things.

It is truly great that this is also being provided for Java. Code reuse is the true path forward.

In the Java vs Perl debate? Java is not self-obfuscating. Java is type-safe, and conequently can be made much more robust. Teams of people can collaboratively develop Java code and are supported by functionality such as Javadoc, and a host of tools from many vendors.

Not that all these things are impossible in perl! You can do anything in perl, and generally quite quickly, but trying to figure out what you did 6 months later is much harder.

You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[FortKnox]

This should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking. But at the expense of the greatest of all languages? It's just to sad for me to express in words. I mean, who uses java anyway?

For Gawwwwds Sake!

Don't even get me started at how much faster, how much cleaner, how much easier to add to, and how much more efficient an enterprise site, like slashdot, would benefit from the full use of J2EE, including EJB's and a nice webcontainer (You can even stay with OpenSource and use Tomcat and JBoss.

Wow, this is the first troll I bit on in a loooong time...

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[Dr. Transparent]

Good Lord! Have you used Java? Granted Perl can be a bit cryptic if you want, but at least Perl lets you do what you want! I can't do operator overloading in Java, because SUN DECIDED I'M TOO STUPID AND MIGHT SCREW IT UP. WELL THANK YOU SUN FOR SAVING ME FROM MYSELF! And don't get me started on the performance of any java implementation (sans the jikes compiler, which isn't really an implementation obviously). Perl lets you get the friggin job done, however you want. Just like any reasonably designed language should. Java tries to save the programmer from him/her self and ends up getting in the way of getting anything done. Transmeta has a better chance of delivering the world ubiquitous cross-platform applications than Java. And that's not saying much.

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[FortKnox]

Good Lord! Have you used Java?

I'm a J2EE consultant.

Granted Perl can be a bit cryptic if you want, but at least Perl lets you do what you want!

Yeah, perl's great for scripting admin type stuff, but an enterprise website?

I can't do operator overloading in Java, because SUN DECIDED I'M TOO STUPID AND MIGHT SCREW IT UP. WELL THANK YOU SUN FOR SAVING ME FROM MYSELF!

God is typing "object.equals( object )" that much harder than "object = object"?

And don't get me started on the performance of any java implementation (sans the jikes compiler, which isn't really an implementation obviously).

Have you tried Java after version 1.2? Yeah, 1.1 stank something aweful, but the newer versions fly (on all platforms). And since you are so apt to perl, find some comparisions on large enterprise websites in Perl vs. large enterprise websites using J2EE. Then talk to me about performance.

Perl lets you get the friggin job done, however you want. Just like any reasonably designed language should. Java tries to save the programmer from him/her self and ends up getting in the way of getting anything done.

Yeah, like "saving" the programmer from memory leaks and deconstruction. Cause making destructors is what programming is about!
Lemmie guess, you're just an old-time programmer afraid that his job is at stake, because of these "new fangled" languages cut out difficult stuff like deallocation, and put more of the emphasis on the actual application...
Don't worry, most of your slashdot friends are elitests also...

Transmeta has a better chance of delivering the world ubiquitous cross-platform applications than Java.

First of all, apples and oranges. Transmeta was doing it hardware-wise, and Sun is doing it software wise.
Second of all, Sun gives away the compilers and VMs, where you'd have to BUY the Transmeta hardware.

And that's not saying much.

No, you aren't saying much. You sound like a regular bigot/elitest. You can't stand stuff like "Java", because you tried it when it first appeared, hated it cause it wasn't mature, and insult it to this day (when was the last time you tried it?), and you only go by hearsay about the newer versions.
I suppose you are a Linux bigot, also. Think MS SUX0RS D00D! when you last tried windows was 98 (not 2k nor XP).

BTW - If you were trolling, it was a good one. If you weren't you're a bigot/elitest.

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[Dr. Transparent]

BTW - If you were trolling, it was a good one.

Yes, I was. Thank you.

I still think there are a lot of issues with Java, and personally I pretty much loathe it. A lot of that also has to do with my experience with it within my organization. Java isn't solving problems for us, it's creating them. I've used every version since 1.1 to some degree, and while performance has certainly improved, it's still not as fast as native code. I've used a lot of languages, and a lot of the little things Java does really annoy me.

And I'm not huge fan of Perl for that matter. I would never write an enterprise application in Perl. You'd have to be drunk or be part of the slashcode team to do that. =)

Java probably has its place like everything else, and it's definitely better than C#. And that place is probably in web application development. I still have my issues with syntax and the like. But in the end hey, use what you want. That's what being a programmer is about right? Using what you want and then telling everyone else they're stupid for doing the same. =)

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[FortKnox]

Goddamnit... first time I was really trolled in a looong time. Nice one ;-)

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[MrGordy]

Actually, I'm not convinced you were really trolled. The key to effective trolling is to not admit it. Therefore, we can assume, at least at conception, he was not trolling.

Oh, and Java Sucks... [Of course, now we both have to decide if I'm trolling or not. By not replying (the only effective method of dealing with trolls), we can both assert that this is a troll].

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[perrin_harkins]

I think you should learn more about languages and their capabilities before you start slandering them. I'm programming in Java again these days, and have built an e-commerce site for a large comapny with it. It's definitely much better now than the last time I used it. However, in my previous job I worked on a very successful commercial website written in Perl, and it was a nice, well-designed object-oriented system with excellent performance. It had a multi-tier structure with clean separation of the model, view, and controller layers. The templating system was far superior to JSP, even with add-ons like Struts. It was developed by a mid-sized team in a relatively short time. What's more, it wasn't very hard.

You could certainly do the same thing in Java, but it would not necessarilly be faster or better in any clear way. Most of the performance issues on Slashdot are probably from the database interaction. Some clever caching helps in those situations, but the particular language in use doesn't make much difference.

There is a great deal of dissent, even within the Java world, about the use of EJBs. Using them to model data gives relatively poor performance, while using nothing but stateless session beans makes them little more than RMI + JavaBeans with extra overhead. Recently there was an interesting report released from Rice University, which showed that in their benchmarks of a bookstore and an auction application, PHP (yes, a simple scripting language) outperformed Java servlets, and plain Java servlets outperformed EJBs. IBM has released benchmarks saying similar things and advises their consultants to stick with plain servlets when at all possible, and just use JavaBeans for modelling data.

All this to say, don't be so quick to put down programming languages that you haven't done any real projects with. Perl (or Python, or PHP, or whatever) might not be your style, but there's no reason to think it can't power a site like Slashdot just as well as Java can. You can write good or bad code in any language.

Re:You can fry an egg on my head right now...

[Anonymous Coward]

God is typing "object.equals( object )" that much harder than "object = object"?

I think you mean "object == object", mr. consultant.

Greatest of all???

[tutal]

I thought that was Python, which is a language that is not dead in its evolutionary cycle as it appears that Perl is... not knocking the great merits of perl, but I just see python as a better language than perl, java, or even c++. If CPAN were to shift focus to python, it could save quite a bit of money on reprinting all those nifty office supplies... just a thought.

Re:Greatest of all???

[nikkatsu]

oh jesus yes but why dont they understand, why?
no i guess java doesnt suck ass, i mean it works, right?
but agree w you that python has tons going for it but afraid it's been overlooked by all but linux admins.
gimmee a clean elegant language anyday...

you know they've crossed the line...

[jeffy124]

...when BP wants it to stop.

In other news today...

[southpolesammy]

Slashdot, a usually vibrant hotspot on the Internet for technical discussions, imploded due to the complete lack of content on Monday. Witnesses described a loud, sucking noise emanating from the once-intelligent gathering spot, stating that "once the pigeons flew overhead, we knew it was all over".

Slashdot founder Rob Malda was unavailable for comment....

In A Shocking Move, Slashdot Concedes

[unformed]

In a shocking move, the Slashdot network has finally conceded and have given in to com pla ints about the lack of quality programming.

In the words of the leader Commander Taco, "I apologize for the brutality we have caused our fellow users to suffer. However, in all honesty, contrary to popular opinion it was CowboyNeal's fault. Let me explain. Initially our advertisers' wanted us to run advertisements as stories.

However, we felt that doing so would greatly reduce what little credibility we had as a tech rumor site. Additionally, due to CowboyNeal spending the entire OSDN budget on crack, we had to quickly raise money somehow someway. We decided to hook up with DoubleClick and let them monitor our traffic and generate random logs for their own use. However, we knew that if we let it happen for too long, people would find out, and we would lose what little respectability we had left. So we needed to get many hits quick.

I, Commander Taco, the great Commander of Burritos and Such, decided to take it upon myself, to create mind-numbing, electrifying stories which would result in an amazing number of page hits. Unfortunately, a few users have caught on. Since I did not preplan enough to put the ROT-13 my ideas and DMCA-it, I have no recourse but to let them notify all of our users, and hence be forced to concede. The other members of Slashdot are too coked out right now (hence our budget), so I'm alone here. However, I plan on leaving very soon, and disappearing into the depths of Amazon, because from what I have heard in unexplained rumors, is that Bubba is after me for rootkitting his Debian box. Regardless, I am on my out.

Good day, folks, and god speed.

CLAN

[yawnmoth]

The Comprehensive Lisp Archive! That'd be about as useful! hehe.

Jackass.

[Joseph Vigneau]

I mean, who uses java anyway?

Nobody, apparently.

In other news,

[Bender Unit 22]

In other news, Sun Microsystems shifts focus to .net instead. Get the full article here.

"We know a better system when we see it", says Ed Zander, President and Chief Operating Officer, Sun Microsystems, Inc.
"To be honest, we don't quite see a future without a proper .net strategy. The development tools alone with all their templates and wizards just make it too good for us to ignore. It also allows us to collect more data from the applications developed everywhere on the net. Thanks to the agreement you agree to when installing the package, we can collect pretty much any piece of information from every system."

But is that not too intrusive?
"No I don't think so, think about it. With that kind of feedback the installed base of .net applications becomes in reality a huge testing facility where we can ship, near ready, products too. The data collected enables us to weed out the bugs and security issues quickly and we can release patches on a cheap subscription basis"

And it continues..
Well I for one, is surpriced to say the least. What will be next, dumping Solaris?

A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD

[YouAreFatMan]

THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS

news.com article

http://www.wehavethewayout.com/

Netcraft results for site
The site www.wehavethewayout.com is running Rapidsite/Apa-1.3.14 (Unix) FrontPage/4.0.4.3 mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a on FreeBSD.

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD

[Bender Unit 22]

Hey that guy is right, ROFL..
Netcraft says
The site www.wehavethewayout.com is running Rapidsite/Apa-1.3.14 (Unix) FrontPage/4.0.4.3 mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a on FreeBSD.

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD

[Chuqmystr]

Jeeze, c'mon, we all know what's next within the next two years, mark my words. The minions of the BORG come up with some way to assimulate a UNIX, they "embrace and extend" it(read: bastardize it like a monkey fucking a football), build some pretty, happy-clicky but still somewhat half-assed GUI for it, and call it WindBloze NewStart or some such marketing derived crap. They will then go on to lambast and bash anything remotely resembling NT technology and proclaim just how much better this is. Still not scared? They will sue Apple out of existance on some bogus patent infringement because they had it first with Darwin/Mach 3. Shortly after that the Babeling Bush will proclaim M$ the greatest thing since sliced bread for turning around the computer software industry and effectively erradicating all software security issues. (wow, Carnivore r00t kit? Now how'd that get in there?) Finaly, and as their most heinous act, M$ will figure out some way to make all mount points STILL be hardware dependant and STILL follow the same goddamned lame assed C: D: E: ... model they've used for far too long as well as somehow making it an unconfigureable part of the OS. BASTARDS!

/sbin/fsck -U Micro$oft!

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - M$ anti-unix site runs BSD

[RatOmeter]

Yeah, and it's kinda sad...

It's fairly obvious (I think) what's happened there. Did you notice from the Netcraft report that the IP address is in Verio's netblock? Looks like they farmed it out to Verio for hosting and Verio uses Apache and FreeBSD.

Choosing Verio to host was probably a Bean-Counter-savvy move, but not techno-marketing-savvy.
-

Karma death

[$carab]

(I would've posted this anonymously, but it had to be said)
In other news, Microsoft has decided to begin an archive of all their software as part of their new .NYET program. Users will pay a regular fee for the service. Called CMAN-The Comprehensive Microsoft Archive Network, the service is expected to be quite a boon to the recently downtrodden company.

Buisnesses reacted happily to the news. "We're ecstatic" an anonymous buiness person said, "Microsoft kept giving us shit, but now we've got CMAN!".

The Linux community seemed confused at the news. Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda declared "CMAN? I've been enjoying CMAN for years! Microsoft can't just go and copyright it! This offends my nerdish sensibilities! I want my CMAN!" Malda later said that if the CMAN network was as good as the hype, he would switch to an all-Microsoft platform. "If this CMAN is really high-grade, enterprise level stuff, then I think I'll switch to a Microsoft platform."

Microsoft stock was up sharply on the news. An anonymous trader said "It was like the NASDAQ floor was covered in CMAN! Microsoft rocks my world!".

Not entirely an AF joke. CJAN is *real*.

[yerricde]

This story is fake, but it did inspire me to do a Google search, which turned up CJAN: Comprehensive Java Archive Network. It's not up yet (the front page is just a blog), but it's coming. Seriously.

JAVA doesn't suck

[zenithva]

i think if you were to start talking about sucking... you'd have to start with umm.... anything micro$h!t. like, let's say for example, visual basic... no uh, wait a minute, access, no uh... uh... too much information. i'm overloading. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout

[pbryan]

For the record, my feelings on the Slashdot April Fools Embroglio rests firmly in the uninterested. I have almost zero opinion on the final outcome of April Fools postings. I love Slashdot, and will probably subscribe at some point to support the site, but April Fools jokes are dull (to me).

This easy dismissal of the value of the only providers of interesting and insightful content on Slashdot is offensive. Thus, I propose a small revolt. The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout.

T(H)GAFB will be during April 1 through April 1. Easy to remember, a shitload of useless articles will be posted. During that time, I will not be enjoying posting, or reading comments from the home page.

During that day, I'd like to see if Slashdot becomes a better place, or if it becomes the Hallowed Shrine of Troll.

This is where the (Hopefully) comes in. This is only meaningful if enough agree to go along and participate. If there is only me and a handful of others who cease enjoying Slashdot during that week, it will be pretty meaningless.

Re:The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout

[wizman]

Judging from the number of satirical comments these articles are getting, I think there are a few of us who enjoy it.

The world is already a dull and boring place -- it's nice to spend 1/365 of the year lightening up a bit.

Re:The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout

[Peter McC]

T(H)GAFB will be during April 1 through April 1.

Inclusive?

Peter.

And in other news

[Sarlok]

Microsoft decides to refocus all development efforts on COBOL.NET

Re:And in other news

[PotPieMan]

That's funny...I went to a Microsoft .NET demonstration recently where they showed an example of calling COBOL programs from ASP.NET. The demonstrator called it "object-oriented COBOL", and it scared me.

Sorry, I don't know many of the details because I was falling asleep during the demo. ;-)

Re:Walmart Security Training information for Apr.

[fscking_coward_2001]

First interesting thing I've read all fscking day on here. Can't wait for the rest of the story. I don't have to pay for the rest, do I?

And CJAN will start supporting Perl

[idcmp]

Of course, there really is a CJAN already.

Next there'll be an article on the first maintainable Perl program greater than 6 lines long.

And I was excited

[DeadSea]

CPAN has done wonders for perl modules. Its easy to install them and all the CPAN modules I've used have good documentation, very nice dependency checking, and regression tests. Until I realized that it was a joke, I was thinking that the CPAN folks would be able to do some great work with Java libraries.

Java has a better library structure than perl, with each package being in a well defined place in the classpath. Also documentation for Java libraries tends to be better because of the javadoc comments that everybody writes. Regression tests and dependency checking for java libraries would be cool.

Luckily, there are great places to turn for java libraries even without CPAN supporting them. The Apache Project has many classes that I consider essential now. The Giant Java Tree has thousands of open source libraries. Not to mention the stuff I've written.

Re:And I was excited

[persaud]

Lots more OSS Java code & news.

Re:And I was excited

[Cally]

Java has a better library structure than perl, with each package being in a well defined place in the classpath.

Fiddlesticks! Perl's namespace is far more flexible than the clumsy, bloated directory hierarchy used in Java. I just wrote my first CPAN module (not QA'd yet, no install scripts etc, so it's not uploaded yet) and it'll be something like called Net::Bookmark.pm. If it was java it would be "comp.string.app.multi.browser.plugins.bookmarks.m ung.utils" or something equally atrocious. Java is good news for makers of ergonomics keyboards, bad news for those of us nursing incipient RSI! :)

If JAVA had proper garbage collection...

[Jucius Maximus]

...most programs would self delete upon execution.

Step right up get your TacoTroll(TM) right here!

[justin sane]

One of these great bonus prizes in every Slash-dot "Perl is Genius Stick Your Head in the Sand Happy Meal compelte with KoolAide(TM): Larry Wall figurine, Guido van Rossum voodoo doll, secret CommanderTaco Perl obfuscator ( while { print;}), FAQ on the Parrot language entitled "Bastardizing the language of the Gods into an OOP language that's readable by mere mortals", and a "Duke" or James Gosling dart board cover. Hurry--collect 'em all!.

enough already

[verch]

Its hard enough to tell which of the stories on /. are serious on a regular day.. enough already.

To quote one of my all time favorite SNL skits.. STOP! AUDIENCE GET IT!

Re:A REAL, TRUE story - Linux64.com runs W2k/IIS

[Drestin]

http://uptime.netcraft.com/up/graph/?host=www.linu x64.com

bummer eh?

Anyone?

[tarsi210]

Raise your hand if you also haven't gotten anything useful done today because of this fucking load of shit being posted every-fucking-where on the 'net, including PissDot.

Offical ban of the holiday, folks? I think. :P~

Re:Anyone?

[DA_MAN_DA_MYTH]

I don't remember ever getting anything useful done while reading Slashdot...

CPAN? D'oh.

[Roosey]

I thought that said C-SPAN was shifting its focus. I would've known that was an April Fools joke then - they wouldn't be caught dead broadcasting anything interesting. :]

"Up next, Senate Boxing! Watch as 99 year old Senator Strom Thurmond takes on 86 year old Robert Byrd! Who'll be the first to drop?"

Enough Already

[jockm]

One April Fool's story is clever, two is amusing, three or more is too damn much!

About April fool's day and complaints on Slashdot.

[JFMulder]

You guys must have really nothing to do on April fool's day if the only thing you have to do is come to slashdot and bitch and moan about the April Fool's joke CmdrTaco is running. If you don't like them, stop coming to Slashdot today. Come back tomorrow. Nobody will miss you I'm sure. As for the moderators who spend times modding down pro-april-foolscomments and modding up anti-april-fools commentes, get a f**king life. I unchecked the "Willing to Moderate" because moderators like you rated waste mod points on stupid posts and keep modding up crap. What's the point of modding up somthing to +5 insightfull if some other idiot mods up a fart joke +5 funny?

To all the whiners... im trying for a -5 flame

[Ogrez]

Stop your crying and whining... if you dont want to read april fool's jokes, then dont read them. Its not like a headline on 4/1 that says that nvidia bought AMD is not a dead giveaway.. Its your own fault if your so addicted to slashdot that you cant pass up the chance to read every post on every single story and then bitch about the content... for everyone complaining about the signal/noise ratio.. your sure adding alot of noise.. If you dont like it, dont read it. If you dont think its funny, dont laugh.. and for christs sake.. you can deal with it for one day.

Next Slashdot April Fool's Story...

[Paradoxish]

Subject: Slashdot to stop April Fool's Jokes

:-)

OMG

[Fembot]

I get the feeling 50%+ of the front page is april fools jokes. Makes u wonder how many story authors actualy feel for it.

Curious...

[Lethyos]

We all know that on a regular basis, the editors here at Slashdot reject very good stories in favor of, well, not so good stories (OKay, many are just plain stupid).

To add insult to injury, how many people here have submitted very intelligent, meaningful, and possibly important stories... only to have them rejected in favor of these stupid April Fools jokes. Slashdot is often referred to by many of us an intelligent and useful news source to "open source initiates" or other professionals.

Today however, like every other year, it descends into silliness. All useful content has been eliminated. Every story is an April Fools "joke" and thus, it's completely pointless because it's funny when you're tricked.

Editors, stop displacing useful content for this nonsense, please? I am sure there's lots of real stuff out there today amongst the cruft. Of course, this request will be ignored because the editors are so damn full of themselves.

I suggest everyone who got a story rejected post it as a reply to this post. Maybe we can actually get some stuff that matters.

Re:Curious...

[qurob]

I don't mean to troll, [b]but it's only one day.[/b]

Relax!

Greatest Of All Languages?!

[Not The Real Me]

Oh!
You mean Visual Basic, the most widely used language in the entire world. VB currently runs on over 95% of all desktops and well over 35% of all servers in the entire world. A feat few other languages can claim.

I didn't know CPAN had VB. I thought CPAN was all about Perl. You know, that language that has modules that break when you upgrade from version 5.000 to 5.00X resulting in something akin to Perl's version of DLL Hell.

Enough already!

[crivens]

Enough already - don't waste my time with this obvious, humourless crap!

Perl Users All Thank Sun For Their Support

[twoshortplanks]

In real non april 1st way, the Perl Peeps are all really grateful for Sun's support of Perl.

Recently Sun donated some new hardware to make search.cpan.org work a lot faster. This was covered on use Perl.

Thanks Sun!

Yummy

[gorac]

Java and donuts....yummy

AHHHH!

[Emperor Cezar]

Will you people please stop complaining? Do you have nothing better to do? You think that the April Fool's jokes are fustrating? Take a look around!

Complain, complain, complain. Enjoy the jokes, they only come around once a year. These kind of jokes are part of being part of the slashdot community. If I just wanted straight news with out commentary then I would just read wired, cnet, cnn, or any other of a hundred news sites.

You people just need to calm down a bit and relax.

Microsoft does

[macdaddy]

It's true! Didn't you know? Microsoft is making their next version of Windows on Sun's Java. Microsoft Windows J

I like it

[geekoid]

Seriously, one day a year where most everyone in the industry turns there creativity to something funny, a gag, a good gotcha.
BTT /. may not be the best place to get got, but I like to read about all the other attempts other people are trying.
Some people take this site way to seriously. If you can't gat anywork done without /. for one day you are either: paid to work on /. or in need of a carrer change.
I can't imagine someone who needs to read every story on /. for a living.(obvious editor joke left out)
Don't like Apreil Foools? fine, see you tomorrow.

Re:I like it

[imnoteddy]

I like it too. Is one day a year too much to set aside for irrelevance?

man, I am too gullible

[eclectric]

It took me nearly 30 seconds to figure out this one was a joke. After every other story today was a joke too... well, at least the slashdot crowd hasn't actually pulled one on us... they've just been reporting other april fool's jokes. A slashdot-centred joke would be: windows.slashdot.org.

I agree Would SOMEONE please think of the children

[Bender Unit 22]

I agree Would SOMEONE please think of the children.

In oher news. snpp.com has the April Fools bug pretty good too..
First I thought that the domain had not been renewed and some one else had registered it.

p3r1 15 fvR 1d1075�! huhvhU

[Dada Troll]

p3rL 5v(k5 3v3|\| m0r3 t|-|4n j4V41
5|_45hd07 |\/|0d3r470r5 uNd 3d170r5 347 5|-|17!11

|_457 p057o, Huh\/huhUh!!

if you were stuck on a desert island...

[nikkatsu]

what one language would you bring w you?

Yeah, right

[shawnmelliott]

I checked the site. Even if they did want to do CJAN why not just do www.cjan.org since it goes to the same page anyway. Why just throw away so many years of work and go to Java.... so.... April 1st + Drastic change to an Anchor site in the Perl community = Joke. Has to be

Re:CrapDot pulease...

[RickySilk]

cry cry cry.

What you can't do without news about meteors nearly missing the earth for one day?

What's next?

[TooTallFourThinking]

Israeli and Palenstine really friends, been playing the world's longest April Fools joke. Sharon and Arafat said "gotcha" to the world, over a nice lunch in the West Bank. "Now that the prank is finally over, it'll be good to play a round of golf with my old college buddy," Sharon said referring to Arafat.

Christ! I don't know what to believe anymore. ;)

well done, slashdot

[mydigitalself]

ok, so aprils fools jokes are really funny. so not only have you guys managed to be so ridiculously stupid, but the wonderfully objective /. journalism ("should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking.") just shines through.

pathetic taco and co, pathetic.

WTF?!!!?? Were they Hacked??

[A55M0NKEY]

Click on any of the links and you get perl stuff.. This is definately wierd.. Java sux Perl rules!! Why can't there be a CJAN and a CPAN??? This really stinks..

Better idea

[Outlet of Me]

I think what would have gotten a bigger rise out of people would have been CPAN changing from the Comprehensive Perl Archive Network to the Comprehensive Python Archive Network. That would have been humorous... If it was 8am this morning, that is, instead of 7 hours and 30 Apr. 1 stories later...

CJAN

[guttentag]

CJAN.
CJAN run.
CJAN code.
CJAN run her code.
CJAN screw the Perl community.
CJAN type "APRIL FOOLS!"
CJAN laugh her butt off and disappear.

Hosted?

[Kefabi]

I checked the webpage, it said it's hosted by FUNET. Is that Fun Net or Fuck You Net?

-Josh

Java scripts

[iamafreeman]

The Java scripts section is my favourite The scriptS (sic) would be one for each implemention in each browser I assume
If only we could have 10 different incompatable versions of perl embedded in a totally insecure manner on every desktop that would be grand

Re:About April fool's day and complaints on Slashd

[killmenow]

What's the point of modding up somthing to +5 insightfull if some other idiot mods up a fart joke +5 funny?

But fart jokes are funny...

THIS april fool's make yours -- THE ONION

[sparkane]

yeah!

Thankfully...

[killmenow]

...I'm not paying to read these stories...

Re: goatse.cx

[killmenow]

Now that would be funny. I think that's the best thing I've read on /. all day...

thanks

Speaking of SUNW practical jokes...

[cjsnell]

Check this out. What makes it really funny is that I think they are being serious about this. This is from the company that, only a year ago, "put the dot in dot com".

Oh the times, they are a'changing. :)

OH MY GOD

[sinserve]

That was a troll fp, moded to +2 insightful?

Moderators DO have a sense of humor.

Props to all the fine trolls, and the not so fine ones.

let's all primal scream! WOOORRGGGHAAAAHHHH

[sparkane]

working it all out

April Fool

[KITT_KATT!*]

How's that for a piece of April Fools' Day flamebait? Everyone uses Java.

The joke would have been better

[Kymermosst]

if they'd planned it further so that the links didn't take you to the regular CPAN pages, but to more fakes.

They could have had the "DISCLAIMER" link go to the original site. :)

greatest of all languages?

[JamesOfTheDesert]

But at the expense of the greatest of all languages?

What has this to do with Ruby?

april fool my ass

[WTF Wazzat]

i damn near died!

Java has an unsigned integer type

[harmonica]

People who don't need an unsigned data type.

Actually, Java's primitive type char is an unsigned 16 bit integer type. It can store integers between 0 and 65535.

CJAN exists!

[pajama]

Taken from http://jakarta.apache.org/commons/components.html:

CJAN provides CPAN like services for Java libraries:

http://cvs.apache.org/viewcvs/jakarta-commons-sand box/cjan/

Re:CrapDot pulease...

[lunaman]

Actually, if a sizable meteor "nearly missed" the earth, I think I'd want to hear about it immediately.

CPAN - CJAN?

[Anonymous Coward]

Damn, it took me waaay too long to figure this one out... I'll chalk it up to lack of sleep

Is there an archive of the joke page?

[markhb]

Is there an archive of the CJAN joke page? I never got online at all yesterday.

Thanks,
Mark