Slashdot Mirror
Living the Computer Geek Lifestyle w/ a Significant Other?
Edward Almos asks: "I live with my girlfriend in a small apartment (about 65 sq yards) and over the last six months I've installed a significant amount of computer and network gear. The count at the moment stands at two servers, a firewall, two workstations, an ADSL line and an apartment-wide network with at least two CAT5 points in every room. There's also two laptops and a load of HiFi gear. Last night she finally cracked when I installed a network point in the bathroom and told me that either the connection went or she did. After a romantic evening for two everything is patched up and all is OK but this got me wondering. I can't be the only Slashdotter living with a significant other so how do the rest of you pursuade them that all the cables, cupboards full of servers and sky-high comms costs are really essential to the geek lifestyle. This also ties in nicely with the latest poll, ain't love grand!!"
Just find another gay techno geek. (100% serious)
Unfortunatly it's a bit more complicated once you involve the other sex (everything always is).
I live in a giant bucket.
If you have to ask on slashdot of all places how to have a relationship then you're so far beyond help that you might as well just kill yourself now.
Basically every couple had or have this kind of problem. Don't look this as "my geek things", but instead, a relationship as old as the moment people got together. You want something, she doesn't. She wants something, you don't. There are plenty of material about this, so I won't even try to clarify why it's important communication and respect.
Essentially, try to look at this situation with other eyes.
Buy a Nintendo DS Lite
Addict her to muds. It worked for me.
Get a bigger apartment with an extra room for an office. Now that you're living together, maybe you can afford one. Then, put *ALL* computer equipment in that office -- no exceptions. You have to draw the line somewhere.
If you are living in New York or something and can't offord a larger apartment, I think it's only fair that you get a notebook, ONE computer that sits in a CLOSET, A PDA and a wireless LAN (no cables, dammit). Sorry -- I'm a geek too, but this is what's fair.
Besides, cuddling up in bed watching "couples" porn on your laptop? She might actually like that idea. Just turn off popups.
-- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
I can't be the only Slashdotter living with a significant other.
Wait, you mean with an actual other person?
you should'be been more stealthy! wireless access point in the bathroom. get craft-sey and buy an apple WAP, dremmel out the bottom of a toothbrush holder, and epoxy it to the top of the WAP. it's in the bathroom, and you get to keep your geek status by a)having eithernet to every room, and b) keeping current (cat-5? what's wrong with you??? we're in the 21st century!).
moox. for a new generation.
Then you don't need wires in the bathroom....
Yes dear... ;-)
-- After a romantic evening for two everything is patched up and all is OK --
Well probably the LAST thing you should do is tell the entire Slashdot world that you and your SO had sex last night. Most chicks don't dig that...
Second of all: You live in a small apartment. Lose some damn gear. You and your SO are PARTNERS in a relationship, so why not treat her fairly...
Was to move all my shit into a 200 sq. foot office at the back of an ISP I work at. I take a hit on pay but I don't pay for the phone, space or 'net connection.
It actually works out a lot better than moving everything to the basement or something. I can have the lights where I want, have the music where I need it (or have total silence) and the house looks like a house, not a geek compound.
Actually there is one exception: I have the home-rolled DSL coming into the basement where the firewall has a wireless card. Her/the kids' computer is in the kitchen and when I bring my notebook home I can work wherever.
The only thing that blows about it all is that it's not exactly handy to scoot over here to do work on something when I am inspired at 3am. :-)
link? pic?
There is no fuckin' way you need internet access in the shitter.
I mean, I love my connection as much as the next geek but I can do without for 5 minutes while i drop a deuce.
Tim
Omnia vestra castrorum habetur nobis.
I've got a similar situation... lots of gear, a significant other who doesn't usually mind the gear, and the tendency to do stupid shit like wiring the bathroom.
Word of advice: just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
For god sakes, go wireless (first off). Then you can still surf pr0n while you're dropping the kids off at the pool -- which is I assume the reason for having Cat5e running to the potty, and she probably assumes that too -- but you can also, say, surf pr0n from the porch, or the yard or elsewhere.
That said: Dammit, man! Read a book. Get outside. Unplug.
Can you justify all the equipment in what sounds like a rather small shared space? I mean, if you have a need for all this gear that's one thing, but if you are just littering the house with "geek toys" because you can, you may want to stop trusting your technolust.
I'd like an SGI, PRS Custom 24 and Marshall 1/2 stack in every room of my apartment too, however even though my wife is also a geek (programmer)and into music (bassist) I don't think I'd even try to do that kind of thing.
Especially in the bathroom. WTF are you thinking?
I can see wanting a lot of gear, but wiring an entire apartment is still a bit much. Get wireless and then get wireless cards and you'd be much better off.
Only 'flamers' flame!
Funny that you didn't mention why you wanted the jack in the bathroom, or why your S.O. was so irritated. Compromise will involve examining reasons.
Put machines at work or something if your place is really tiny, after all you've got ADSL. I use the garage & the attic for most of my machines. Wireless is good for cable tidying too.
I avoided putting a jack in the bedroom because I figured we need somewhere to get away from the machines, but now my Wife wants me to wire that room too.
My wife's not a geek, but we don't have much friction over computers. More over my four cars or my motorcycles, but still not so much. Maybe I'm not enough of a geek to count or something, but we seem to work it out.
Maybe my Wife's just incredibly tolerant. Obviously, since she married me.
Assembly is the reverse of disassembly.
that's impossible, so you don't: you use 802.11b.
as for the ...servers and sky-high comms costs...
you need to figure out a way to make them useful to her... if you've got an ADSL line, register a domain for her and set up a web site that she can maintain. if you've got mucho disk space, buy her a digital still/video camera.
There aint no pancake so thin it doesn't have two sides.
I just remind my wife of the time she bought $300 worth of limited edition Barbie Dolls. That usually buys me a couple more months of the geek lifestyle unfettered.
I've hit Karma 50 and gotten a Score:5, Troll... I win!
And it is to brag about all your geeky stuff and that you have a girl.
Damn, cynicism apparently not only comes with age but with lonelyness as well.
WikiAfterDark.com It's a sex wiki, go now!
I just put 802.11b in the house. This enabled me to put the servers in the basement ("Look, honey, no more eyesore!") as well as having the laptop available to me in every room ("See honey, we can sit in the living room and watch tv, and I'm not always running off to the office to do work.")
That's my two cents.
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
Set up a wireless lan and get a laptop. You can compute when and where you want.
Think about it like this, if you hobby looks more important, or time consuming than your relationship, then you might be a geek.
Seriously speaking, you need to know when it becomes too much. Keep it to a closet or something. My girlfriend knows I'm a geek, but I know when a CAT5 network with dual access points per room, AND BATHROOM ports are a bit much. When you begin to look obsessed, that's when they run. Try to spend some time in her shoes and ask, 'is this a bit much'. The access point in the bathroom is a definite hell yea. And when you're in a relationship, you now have to think about the two of you. It isn't just your place, it's a place where you both live. The same way I'm sure you wouldn't like to see "Hello Kitty" items all over the place, I'm sure she wouldn't like to see routers/firewalls/switches/boxes all over.
Now maybe you installed access points that didn't match the color of the bathroom towels. That could easily be fixed by using cermaic plated switches, modfied for CAT5, and let her paint it. =)
But I soon will be. :) The way I see it, try to limit the amount of hardware that you have. Seriously, two servers, a firewall, and all the other equipment you have going there is a bit much. I really don't know what you do with it, since you did not specify your particular area of geekiness, but I'm sure there are some ways to reduce your equipment.
For instance, you're running CAT5 in every room. Where the speed of the connection is not vital, why not give wireless a try? True, it's much slower, but for Internet browsing gaming, or mp3 streaming, it's more than enough. And a PCI card mounted in one of the servers will not be too expensive (CAD$150), a PCMCIA (CAD$60) or a dedicated access point (CAD $230). If you add the costs of of all the wires, hubs you'll come close to that.The only time when CAT5 makes sense is when you can burry them into the walls, but then you would not complain about them if you already did it.
Having two servers? Again, you did not say what they do, but maybe one will be enough? I'm not suggesting you should scrap one of them right now. But maybe for your next upgrade you can plan one that is at least as fast as both combined, while taking half the space. Same goes for the two workstations. You're just one guy, I can't see you using both at the same time. Also, if it's fast enough, you can run vmware under Linux, with as many OSes as you need. The performance hit is big, but not unbearable. And you can do all the developement under one platform, and use the other OSes for testing.
If having so many computers is a must, then use rackmount cases. Saves a hell of a lot of space. More expensive, but you can hide them all into a closet and be done with them. And they can be recycled much better than normal cases. Which brings me to my next point, keep everything as unobtrusive as possible. Computers and their associated wires can be the biggest eye sores from a woman's point of view (just a guess, but I've been proven right on more than one occasion)
And whatever you do, NEVER bring technology into the bedroom. That is the worst possible thing you will ever do. Maybe a laptop with a wireless connection will be tolerated by your significant other, but don't think that she'll be happy even with that.
BTW, US$1=CAD$1.5 roughly.
Bzzt. Wrong. The correct answer was "I'll miss you, honey. Would you like some help carrying your things to the car?"
Call (206) 338-5780 COLLECT for information about a genuine BA, BS, MA, MS, MBA, or Ph.D.
How many people have problems with a partner who is into gardening? Not many.o me.htm) - a type of autism.
It isn't about your being a geek, but about what in your personality caused you to be a geek in the first place. People who are neurologically/psychologically normal generally aren't going to get into a deep interest of computing because it doesn't interest them - it doesn't provide the stimuli they want.
On the other hand, geeks often have neurological abnormalities which limit their ability to comprehend other forms of stimuli - thus enabling them to find computing interesting instead of dead boring.
Many people who are into computers have Asperger's Syndrome (http://www.aspergers.org/what_is_aspergers_syndr
Perhaps your relationship difficulties are not because of your interest in computers, but your ability to comprehend how to devide attention.
Being a human system rather than a computer system, you will need a different patch. I recommend Nicorette Patches. The stronger the better.
Apply a fresh patch nightly (to the SO) _after_ they have gone to sleep. Wake before they do and remove the patch. Repeat nightly.
Then when they get upset about the _required_ box in the bathroom, agree to consider it for a few days. DONT use the patches on theese nights and mope during the days. Your SO will perceive the nicoteen withdrawal as internal conflict over their "unreasonable" expectations. When they give in (and help install the bathroom console) resume patches and they will feel good about caving in....
--
"we live in a post-ideological world..." - Billy Bragg.
goodbye
My solution to the problem: I married a geek chick. ;) Of course, this still leads to other problems- Whose computer gets the next upgrade we can afford, How to fit all of our stuff into the apartment, And what to do with the boxes of odd hardware I just can't come to throw away, but she wants out, etc.
The bottom line is, in any relationship, you have to work things out. What makes it possible to survive is the ability of both parties to compromise. I mean, come on. a link in the bathroom? Do you REALLY need to check slashdot while on the can?
Do yourself a big favor: Don't step on her toes. Think about what you really NEED. If there's something that you're not doing for any practical value-- where it's only value is the l33tness factor, then chances are, she won't like it, and it'll probably make her uncomfortable. In my bedroom, There's only two computers visible without going into the closet-- My main machine and her main machine. The others, a spare server which runs things like nameservice and squid, and a gateway, stay safely tucked away in the closet.
If that doesn't work, You can try things like a dedicated computer room, or put a computer in a room with something she enjoys doing-- Spend your time on your machines with her AND don't forget to take time off from your machines to spend time alone with her. Even a geek woman needs that. If you can't provide it, you'll botch the relationship.
f you can't handle turning off every single computer in the house, even only for a day, and spending time with her, Forget it. Let her find someone who can now, before you make it harder for her in the end.
get 0wned. irc.w30wnzj00.com
Just find another geek. My significant other and I are both geeks. :)
--Jessica
------------------------------------------- Just Say no to Windows!
I'm so sick and tired of these FAKE ask slashdot things. The guy put a network port in the bathroom AND has a girlfriend? Give me a break! This is just another ploy to get your name on the front page. Somewhere there's a web site with the points scored by all these losers.
Well, for one, I have a little more restraint than you.
My wife and I have an extra bedroom for our computers, books, etc. So that cuts down on the crampage.
You don't need a port in the bathroom. The reason why your girlfriend is pissed is probably not because you shouldn't have a port in the bathroom, but because the port in the bathroom is showing her what a nutcase she's going out with. Plus, it gets damn humid there when you take a shower. A moisture-short across the line is not going to do wonders for network performance. Just use wireless ethernet and be happy. Do you have a phone in every room? Of course not, you probably have a cordless phone. Same thing here.
For another, try to be organized about things. With a nice telecom rack, you can stick your 2 servers, the firewall, your UPS, your switch, etc. etc. etc. in a small 2'x3' area in the corner somewhere and have room for expansion. I've met very few geeks who really needed more than 1 server + firewall unless they were trying to compensate fo a small penis.
I mean, look at this from her prespective. She's going to like it if you have a nice network connection for her internet usage, an e-mail account for her to use, a nice home-movie experience so you can watch movies together, etc. She's not going to mind it if your computing gear is humming away neatly in a corner somewhere. She's going to hate it if you spend all of your time tinkering with all of your crap and not spending quality time with her. She's going to hate it if you have a messy piles of computing crap in every room that she has to watch out or she'll trip over, that keeps her up all night because the fans are obnoxiously loud, etc.
I mean, look at Alan Cox. His wife isn't filling her weblog with stories about how obnoxious and self-centered he is. She mentions about how he's fixing one problem or another with her laptop and seems to be more amused than anything else with his geekishness.
Gentoo Sucks
I know exactly what you are talking about. I was in the same situation about 2 years ago (we are married and in a house now) and there were a few things I found that helped us out. First, she probably doesn't understand it so do your best to help her understand and find ways that all of the technology can benefit her. This certainly helps with the cost issues. Every time my wife says something about our DSL bill I shut off the web proxy to her computer for a few days and she starts to see the benefit again. Second, be sensitive to her feelings (ick!). You might think a wiring closet has a certain beauty but she most likely does not. What my wife and I found to work well is that I am given one room (the lab she calls it) where I can do anything I want, this is where the servers and wired workstations go. Everything else in the rest of the house is hidden, out of the way and wireless.
What do you need all that crap for at home? I don't even check my email on the weekends
Are you interested in interfacing with strangers online or are you interested in spending time with your real-life girlfriend? Geeks don't get laid a lot - maybe you should invest in real life for a while.
"Yes, dear... I will remove the network connection in the bathroom"
-- next day --
"Honey, look at this cool thing. It's a wireless network!"
What you need is something that provides her with some sort of benefit. Only you know her so this is your job. I'm assuming she's(?) non-geek.
Personally, while I'm in the midst of my geek projects, I try to throw the wife a bone by hooking up something schweet that she didn't know existed, or didn't know how to do. You know; simple stuff like streaming mp3 web servers; digital photography, etc.
Not necessarily wireless; it sounds like you could see a monitor from every point in your apartment.
While you're at it, try to make technology "fit" into your home environment. Just think about what people need & want from technology, and do it. You might learn something.
And those servers into a rack or something.
In the end, though, you're a geek. She will have to accept that.
I've got a two bedroom apartment (which I got when I was single, FWIW). The smaller bedroom is the "tech center": computers, CDs, and a lot of the books are banished to this room. The TV, DVD, VCR, and stereo are in the living room. The only way any computers will be used in other rooms is for specific reasons: a recipie browser in the kitchen, or serving MP3s on the main stereo. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
I get irritated when my girl's sewing and costuming stuff ends up all over the place, and she gets very unhappy when my RPGs end up taking over two rooms. Compromise is an art...
you sure about that one?
First off, let me say that installing it in the bathroom is just WRONG. Even I don't condone that. Remove it.
However, I am installing an I-Opener computer in the kitchen, so that it folds up underneath a cabinet. My wife didn't like this, until I showed her how to stream TV from the Tivo to it... which I'm not sure if it was a mistake or not. It eats all the cpu cycles, leaves none for recording. Ouch.
Yea, I have a similar problem. I like counterstrike but my girlfriend only plays quake 3. It's hard because she's always bitching about pings whereas I really don't mind it so much. Anyhow, good luck.
This is a new low for all of humanity.
Is it really necessary to allow your hobby or profession take over your entire life?
Go look at some art. Take a hike. Learn how to fix your car.
You are only on this earth for a finite period of time. Do something less lame with your life. There is no reason for anyone to have that much network connectivity or that many computers in the house period.
Conformity is the jailer of freedom and enemy of growth. -JFK
My wife doesn't really like the noise of my computers, as we are in a small apartment. One firewall, one server, multiple x-terminals. I insist that the firewall and server stay on 24-7, and prefer that the primary X-terminal stays on.. although, that is not vital.
:)
One comprimise I had to make was bringing my SGI to work, it isn't a quiet machine
I have a lot of spare equipment, I requested a single closet to hold all of my unused parts.. some parts also are stored in the bedroom in a far-off corner.
I'm working on moving to a partically wireless solution; however, even the 50+mbps with 802.11a is a bit slow for an X-terminal, at the very least.. it will help me clear up wires for my PDA and Laptop.
I plan on discussing with her the cost vs appearance of several things.. racks look nice, cost much. Another thought is to build some FlexATX-based machines.. move from a 1m^3 area to a 0.1m^3 area.
Whatever YOU do, discuss it with her. I'm in the process of replacing some of my older fans with quieter ball-bearing ones.. one of my old fans does a piercing 60db; don't even ask what the SGI sounds like, just think of the air-vents in "Total recall"
Laptop + Bathtub = Hours of Blissful Soaking
CAT5 is okay for that. Wireless acceptible too.
Sorry, I'm taken.
--mandi
the computer was here first, goodbye!
mindrape
The secret to managing the girlfriend is technique:
Sneak stuff in when possible, they dont *have* to know about it, and they dont pay close attention so they dont always know exactly what you have.
If they do figure out you got something new, tell them it was cheap :) Try to explain it in terms they will understand/appreciate, ie "That 300$ box [really cost 750$] and makes pretty piano sounds" ... "That box makes your internet go faster" Infact, purposefully tweak her MTU settings to something awful, so when you get the new box you can set them normal and tell her it was responsible :)
Dont stress the finances too much and never let her see your credit card bills, "Honey, we're going to mcdonalds instead of Olive Garden (which incidently is really the mcdonalds of italian food :) *WON'T* impress her, and you better believe she *will* remember.
Upgrade things when possible. For my synths, I buy the upgrade cards ... I've dumped 2000$ into upgrade cards this year, but It dosen't *look* like I've gotten any more equiptment :)
Remember if you hear the phrase "Oh god not another one" and you already know what she's talking about -- YOU are the problem not her :D
Lastly if she gives you too much shit, remember the divorce rate is 50%, but a synthesizer (or server in your case) will serve you forever [but it can't put out] :)
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
Are you kidding?
Girls / Women talk about that stuff a heck of a lot more than guys do, let me tell ya. Once you get to know a member of the opposite sex well enough, you can start to see "insight" into how they work.... and I guarantee you that.
On a side note, a friend of mine was talking to me about the same subject. I asked him "I wonder if they talk about us the way we talk about them". Knowing the answer to this question myself, I wanted to see his opinion.
He told me "Hell yes. Well, probably not about me, but yea...."
:)
Karnal
It sounds like she just wants more face time with you in meatspace. Make some time to turn off the computer equipment each day and give her your undivided attention. When it seems like she wants to talk, turn off the monitor/put laptop to sleep, etc. and look at her.
Now Mandi, have you ever dried your hair in the tub?
What happens when 120 volts goes through water?
Now what happens when your laptop shorts?
Thats VERY expensive.
If you really want to do that, consider getting a hardened laptop.
Sig (appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars)
forget her, if you dump her, you can afford a geforce 4
hehe
Someone who really loves you will look fondly upon your positive hobbies, at least if they are mentally stable. I've had two 'long term' (>5 years) relationships with non geeks, and none of them had issues with that sort of thing. A few of the 2-4monthsers did, but they all turned out to be intersted in me for shallow reasons.....
Perhaps you should be questioning the nature of your relationship?
A network point in the bathroom?
I don't mean to put a damper on your party, but when it comes to a choice, c'mon, you choose your woman, whatever it is she wants.
Eating out your girlfriend's pussy beats sitting in front of a computer any day, and that's coming from me -- a guy who's a major game player and uses his computer for evolutionary studies.
I mean, do you really need all that stuff? And does it really need to run throughout the entire place? I can't blame her if she wants parts of the house like the bathroom and bedroom to be old-fashioned -- i.e., lots of wood, maybe a fireplace (if you had a house) -- and non-technological.
Unless your girlfriend happens to be interested in computers, I doubt it'll be an avenue of quality time spent together. About the only thing your computers will be good for in your relationship might be setting the tone with music. So maybe download some romantic songs like the Moonlight Sonata parts I and III, and Fuer Elise.
social sciences can never use experience to verify their statemen
A lot of people fall into the trap of amassing all sorts of cool toys (be they musical/technical/ or both) and then don't put them to USE. (where by use meaning using them for some end beyond that of simply toying with them)....
Do something good for the world (or just her) with your toys and things will go much smoother..
now bend over
one thing i've found that works wonders in this arena is keeping in mind the aesthetics of the equipment. if you can keep all your nerd gear hidden away, keep the cables tied up and out of site, and keep the big ugly boxes in a closet or a nice rack you'll find that you'll meet with a lot less resistance. girls just don't seem to be as impressed with das blinkenlights as us fellas are, and big black boxes with lots of knobs and buttons probably don't figure into her ideas of home decor. keep your installs and equipment clean and easy on the eyes and she'll have a lot more patience with it.
of course, it doesn't hurt to apply some of your geeky skills towards projects that help her out as well. my s/o is a professional photographer, so making various gadgets to help her with her equipment or repairing broken or flaky equipment gains me a lot of latitude to pursue those things that interest me.
when it all comes down to it, your girl is hopefully worth a lot more to you than the next piece of gear...
Use wireless as much as feasible. Organize and put away extra parts / seldom used toys. Bundle wires using velcro straps and hide as much as possible behind desks / divider panels / etc. Put servers in a closet. Invest in anything needed to reduce case noise on all machines. Use plastic striping to run CAT5 along walls edges. "Decorate" any ugly peripherals / boxen with "homely" stuff like plants . (Bonus points if the plants are of a variety that absorbs dust well) Shelve books, put loose paper in binders, etc. Geek gear can be classy if unobtrusive.
On the other hand, if she can't handle your style, maybe she's not the one. Fussy women probably aren't too geek compatible. Or maybe she's not and you're just a slob. (-:
I installed a network point in the bathroom ... everything is patched up
Certainly, you wouldnt want a network point there and not have it plugged in - thats pointless.
Seriously though, [b]wireless[/b] is the way togo
--Girls / Women talk about that stuff a heck of a lot more than guys do, let me tell ya--
Yes, but they usually talk about it on a more intimate level, with friends.
This is slashdot, which is very public and full of strangers...
I have a cable modem that a split with a Lynksys router I built a machine for her. Nothing says love like giving her a box to call her own.
I can't be the only Slashdotter living with a significant other
Are you sure?
Donate background CPU time to fight cancer.
Laptop + Bathtub = New Laptop and (possible) trip to hospital. (Depends on if it is plugged into a wall outlet still)
A significant other should be there to enhance your life, not to become a source of repression. If your gf can't handle your persuit of your interests, then there is obviously an incompatibility. It's probably going to take me a while to find a good campanion, because I can't stand it when I see people bending over backwards to satisfy the asthetic inconsistencies of others. Time to stand your own ground.
btw: nothing wrong with cat5 to the bathroom. I already have a business phone system terminal in my bathroom and I would love to have a sleek waterproof terminal in the shower for catching up on email/news/etc in the morning.
Don't allow societal convention (the perceived obligation to "settle down" and get a gf as soon as possible) ruin your life! Liberate yourself. Experiment. And while your at it, ask the gf for a logical reason why the ethernet shouldn't be going to the bathroom while it already goes everywhere else in the house!
Regards... And good luck!
I have some roommates that are a bit pissy about the wiring situation. What are some CHEAP ways to get wires and crap out of people's ways?
Also, making the machines more useful. We have one computer as a router/mail-server, and one computer as a web-server, that's really not doing much of anything else.
I'm seriously thinking that perhaps I need to find ways to centralize a lot of our storage (we've got something like 180GB of hard drive space in the house, 30GB in the web server, 14GB in my box, and 60GB in the two roommate's boxes), make it public access, so we can pop out mp3's and stuff on the fly anywhere.. and what about wiring up a stereo system to all that?
I agree entirely, that there needs to be some benefits to all the mess, otherwise people just get pissed. And, unfortunatly, my web-server and personal machine is at the end of the 200ft Cat 5 wire that crosses the house.. and the roommates know that all they have to do to really piss me off is unplug me from the router. grrr.
"Champagne for my real friends - and real pain for my sham friends!" http://ericblade.postalboard.com/
Me: "How many pairs of shoes do you have? Pants? Shirts? Dresses? Underwear? Rings? Bracelets? Earrings? Neckla..."
Her: "Stop. I get it"
Me: "Cool. Could you hold this for a second?"
Build stuff. Stuff that walks, stuff that rolls, whatever.
What I've found is really important with my fiancée is that we talk about it beforehand. Blowing lots of money on hardware without consulting with your SO is like her going off and doing clothes shopping that takes up 3/4 of the closet. If it's not discussed beforehand it's a waste of money that takes up lots of space.
I'm really fortunate in the my fiancée is a serious geek as well. She's not a computer geek (though she loves being online), but she's a major Latin and math geek. Thus I don't have to jump major hurdles to get it all to work.
One thing we discussed was building the network and putting it all in when we move to a new place. As long as the sound and heat are contained and there aren't cables everywhere, she's cool with it. I want a machine in the living room, so we discussed getting a little Shuttle machine to put under the TV. She though the idea of setting it up to record programs, compress to MPEG-4, and record on CD was pretty cool (VHS takes up WAY too much space). We've even worked out that we'll put it on the same shelf as a Game Cube, so it'll look cool.
As for wiring the bathroom, that's over the top. Your SO probably thinks you're obsessed, and personally, I do as well. I think the kitchen is generally right out as well (though a monitor and keyboard and mouse port might be useful at some point). I won't go 100% wireless, since I hate having to deal with the security.
Have you tried to figure out what it is that you two HAVE in common? I had problems in a previous relationship, and we finally figured out that it wasn't the machines, it was the fact that we had little in common.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. - G.B. Shaw
some points.
1. electricals in the bathroom are a VERY BAD idea. steam, water and electricity do not match. not even if you go wireless. stop now, and buy some books for the 'reading room'.
2. it is extremely bad feng shui, not to mention bad taste, to have computer stuff in the bedroom. you shouldn't even have a TV in there.
3. have you checked how much wattage your little apartment can handle? sounds like serious overload to me.
my fiancee has an extremely large number of books. we put them all in one room and shut the door. i have two computers, one is in storage so we actually have somewhere to eat dinner.
it's all about compromise!
Although in french, it's a site devoted to geeks' girlfriends and what they think of their significant other.
It talks mostly about Free Software geeks, from Paris and France. And you can find pearls of delight among their rants.
I particularly appreciate the article about hollidays. How difficult it is to take vacation for someone who doesn't consider he is working. Two days are already difficult to start with, even if it's only a week-end...
It gets very ambarassing when your SO best friends get to know everything about your romantic and sex life. Everything you do/tell your girlfriends has to be considered public.
Well, if I sound smug then maybe I'm entitled, but my fiancee loves gadgetry. She's not a geek by any standards - she shops for shoes, clothes, kitchen-y things and real estate before even looking at an electronics store - but she says part of what attracted her to me is my gadgetry and techno-fluency... if I were to put a network link in the bathroom, I would probably get treated to an amazing dinner and a wild night in the spa-bath!
I could go on about our shared interests, but that'd be even MORE off-topic. One point I will make comes from my previous relationship, wherein the girl (as it turned out) *pretended* to be interested in gadgetry because she felt it would be a way to get closer to me... pardon me for being fooled, she works 2nd-level PC techsupport at a large insurance company!
But anyway - umm, what WAS my point? Oh yes - women are trouble! Mine isn't, but she's taken, so all the others ARE trouble! Avoid when possible. That's my advice.
Perfectly Normal Industries
I see a lot of people on here saying "Don't tell her how much you spent," and that's a load of malarkey. I tried that for a year, and my girlfriend honestly thought I was doing drugs! She kept asking where all the money went, and she sat me down in a restaurant one night to confront me about it. Thankfully, I keep my receipts for tax purposes (you *ARE* writing this stuff off for business, aren't you?) and I could show her exactly where it was going. She was fine with it - of course, I guess it's a lot easier to win her over when she suspects you're doing drugs instead.
Her current theory is that it beats me sitting on the couch watching the game and sucking down beers, or going to strip clubs with the guys. If I'm going to have a hobby, at least it's one that increases my skill levels and makes me more valuable at work. Even if it's expensive, it's an investment & an educational experience.
Here's how to really win her over, too: when you replace gear, sell the old stuff on Ebay, and use that money to buy her stuff she wants. Then she will equate upgrades with gifts. It's like that Sears commercial where the woman comes home to a houseful of new audio/video gear and starts to yell, but when her husband holds up a little box, she drops everything and coos, "Ooooh, jewelry."
What's your damage, Heather?
Well, as far as i'm concerned there is always a limit for pushing your lifestyle to others. :), i don't think any self respecting girl friend "who is not a geek like you" can accept it.
The others mean your lover, your familiy, or your friends. People who really care about you understand your obsession about some things, but they also expect respect from you, about their life style.
I have a wonderfull girlfriend right now, and even though she's not as much as enthusiastic about 1's and 0's as much as me, she understands that reading compiler specs is my way of having fun. But i also know that a night outside with a good dinner and wine is much more fun for her. So, you should decide about the tradeoffs, as i said there is always a limit. If you think that you can go as far as you wish, and install hardware even in bedroom
So i make my choice on these grounds, and i think living with a non-geek is something good, since she reminds you of that other life, and helps you get along with it, so that you can still be able to communicate with other people.
I wanted to ask.. why doesn't Edward Almos partiticpates in the conversation? He asked a question, and I expect him to participates goddamnit! It's not nice just to spit away the question without actually caring about the results. Maybe he isn't real?
Slashdot community, please notice: I am looking for a girlfriend.
Nave H. Weiss
If you're straight, it's actually not as hard as you might think to find a girl geek. Seriously.
The secret is to think more broadly. Your girl geek may not be a coder, an open source zealot or the like, but remember that geeks come in all shapes and sizes. Mine is a graphic designer, for example. Despite being more at home in Photoshop, she can also do sysadmin duties like editing DNS zone files.
She asked for broadband for her birthday. *giddy sigh*
sub f{($f)=@_;print"$f(q{$f});";}f(q{sub f{($f)=@_;print"$f(q{$f});";}f});
live with my girlfriend in a small apartment (about 65 sq yards)...
If my math is right (and it's early, so it might not be), but:
1sq yd = 3 sq ft
so:
65 sq yds = 195 sq ft
Which sounds about the size of two dorm rooms put together. I bet if you replaced the cat5 wires with 802.11b eveything would be all good. Make sure to use WEP (yeah I know it's not foolproof), MAC ACLs and SSH/VPN.
it's not going to stop until you wise up, no it's not going to stop. so just give up.
YMMV, but I would be concerned about bored script kiddies having nothing better to do this summer than hax0r a network from the privacy of their own homes...
Hi,
when I was first married, I lived in a place slightly smaller than that, but not much
Let me give you a hint - that's a LOT of gear for a very small space.
You really have to discuss these things. There probably should be some places that are "Off Limits"
Everyone needs "their own space" You probably have it - does your SO? She probably considers the bathroom part of "Her space"
Give her a beak. You can get more geek toys once you move into something larger
-- 73 de KG2V For the Children - RKBA! "You are what you do when it counts" - the Masso
Edward Almos has opened up a can of worms, and it ain't just about computer hardware and being a tech geek.
I'm married and live in a single family home. I have to say that "my stuff" takes up less space "in the house" (as opposed to storage) every time we move. Keep in mind that first we lived in a two-bedroom apartment, then a 1700 sqft townhome, and now a 2100 sqft two-level house.
This isn't necessarily a battle of the sexes either. It all depends on who had the most toys or "collectibles" in the first place.
In my case, she moved in to my apartment with 5 CDs, a boombox, clothes and makeup. I had the computer, the stereo system, the furniture, the Star Wars collection, the 1500 CD collection, the diecast car collection, and the game tables!
And no matter how much you give up, you "asked" to give up more. It's like all my stuff has to replaced by the other's newly bought stuff.
As a matter of fact, this past week has been hair-raizing in our house. I bought new CD/media drawer cabinets (top of the line Can-Am units from Canada!!!) and we decided it was now time to paint and reorg my home office. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
My home office consists of that same computer, a newer stereo system, 2000 CDs, a couple stacks of books, 10 framed and mounted Star Wars posters and some other "me" items.
At this point, I am looking into Amazon.com's used book selling options, and selling most of my Star Wars stuff at eBay! ANYBODY WANT TO BUY MY STAR WARS ITEMS, mostly newer generation toys? E-mail me.
I feel it would be easier to sell "my" stuff and stop hearing the bitching. Is this good for my mental health? Doesn't matter, it sucks either way.
I agree that "it's her house too," but getting married does not mean giving up EVERYTHING you enjoyed before that person came into your life.
I have some friends who are gun nuts, and they solved their problem like this: Get an expandable gun cabinet, with 7 slots. Get 4 guns in there. This is hard, because she needs to know about each gun, and while it is easy to explain a shot gun and a rifle, it is hard to explain that a .22 and a .30-06 are different enough that you can't just use one, and you still need one more gun. Once that is taken care of you will have 3 empty spaces in the gun cabinet, keep it that way. You now can sneak in as many guns as you want, just be sure to expand the gun cabinet each time by enough that there are 3 empty spaces.
You pretty much have to keep all your computers in one room to apply this, but that is a good idea anyway. (except for the laptop)
I have similar problems, not so much intrastructure wise, but just balancing my time to be "geeky" with my time to spend with my girlfriend. She doesn't seem to understand that "yes computers are my job" but "they are also my hobby" A good thorny programming problem or a misbehaving motherboard and getting it fixed is how I relax. I enjoy doing the biking, and hiking, and dog walks she likes to do, but once in a while I just need to go in to deep hack mode to relax for a while.
Anyone got any advise on how to handle telling her that.
Power Corrupts,Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely, leaving one person(group)in charge is absolutely corrupt.
I proudly host all of my own services, and I think more people should. I'm not advocating this as some kind of geek-upmanship, but for privacy, security, and community reasons. In these days of linksys wireless/routers/NAT/printerservers and netwinders/cobalt cubes you don't even need to be a hardcore sysadmin, although it sure helps.
If you run your own mail, you can encrypt it on the server and provide secure, spam-free access via HTTPS. Now you can email securely from work or wherever else you happen to be.
You can run your own webserver and install all the apache modules you want without trouble. You can publish your own material so that you can be slashdoted just like everyone else. Running your own servers is one of the best things you can do to preserve your political independence.
And then there's more esoteric fun... secure streaming media services wherever you are in the world, instant quick&dirty VPN into most networks via ssh tunneled back into itself, freenet nodes, etc.
I personally hate the fact that broadband services are increasingly assymetric and dynamically addressed, discouraging people from running their own servers. People should demand the right to be producers as well as consumers. Sure, colocation is better for most business uses, but there are lots of positive benefits to a democratic society if people run their own servers, and it really isn't that technically hard anymone.
I have used a cheaper solution - I played chess
in the bathroom with my PalmPilot...
Okay so I stole the line.. but its true.
However, A port in the bath room? You didnt just buy a web cam as well did you? - I cannt really see ANY need to have a port in the bathroom, water + computers are not good playmates.
But besides that, I dont -quiet- have the problem of having lots of kit about, mostly because I cannt afford to right now, but when we move (On friday I hope!!), we are getting a place with a second bedroom so I can set up an office/study for all my books etc.
At the end of the day, you need to remember your living as a couple, it doesnt matter if its computers and wires, or any other kind of collected clutter, if your stuff dominates over hers, its more then likely going to make her feel left out. And thats never a good thing, if you dont have the space, make sacrifices, get smaller cases (Which makes them look less expensive as well) - If you have an older system thats not been used for much, give it to her so she can browse the net, do email etc without having to kick you out of the way. - Even if she never uses it.
And remember, no matter how hard you try, she will notice if you spend more on hardware then you do on meals out and gifts. You need to figure out which is the better investment.
I saw the light at the end of the tunnel... But it was just someone with a flashlight bringing more work.
My wife's doing a Ph.D in ecology and we have come to an understanding.
I get to fill the house with computers and cables, and she can bring in her stuff that smells of rat shit.
No problem!
"Proudly Posting Without Reading The Article"
Of course you also run the risk of being food obsessed like I am, but the bitching ends as soon as the food hits the mouth. It's kind of hard to bitch at someone else when you're mouth is filled with delicious treats like pot stickers, scones, or any other home made treat.
Network point in the bathroom? Did you consult with her first? If yes, did she agree?
You're SHARING the apartment aren't you? Before you try to make changes to a shared resource amongst _equals_, it is only polite and respectful that you should always confer with the other party. It sure doesn't look good when one party keeps unilaterally changing things in a permanent manner.
You are trying to SHARE your lives together right?
If it has been mutually agreed that you are the person to make decisions about bathroom attachments and she's not really bothered nor interested then sure you could make unilateral changes. But be considerate and consult her for big changes.
Remember even if you don't think the changes are significant you better be sure she doesn't think so either. So what if you think it's beneficial - does she?
Unless you prefer being single, you better make more effort to keep her happy. She obviously loves you. And even better - respects your interests and seem quite reasonable.
Be reasonable as well. Obviously she has a high tolerance level but you've just hit the limit. So do what a smart engineer/geek does for safety - when you found a limit, drop the level by maybe 10-20% for a a good safety margin (more if necessary and if getting closer to that limit is not that important to you).
And don't keep trying to push these limits - something might just finally blow irrecoverably.
If she's happy, that makes you happy. If that's statement is not true, then something needs fixing. If that statement is true, then it is logical that you should try to keep her happy.
Same goes for her. But heh your stuff is all over the apartment so maybe she kinda knows that already...
Another possible reason she's pissed is because he didn't ask her before doing that (and lots of the other stuff).
:(
If he did ask her, and she said no, and he went ahead and did it anyway...
I'm a pureblooded geek at heart. Several years ago I went through a really bad relationship where I basically gave up my geeky life to conform to whatever BS she thought was right. Needless to say, not only was I miserable, but so was she. Yes, I was whipped. But never again.
Now I have a very simple policy. I currently live alone in a moderately sized house and I have gone out of my way to be sure there are computers in every room (except the bathrooms, but I'm working on it). This is how it is now, and this is how it will remain. Anyone who comes along is well aware of this fact. If they have serious problems with it, then they can get out of it before it ever begins. If they wouldn't want to live in that type of an environment, then they wouldn't be interested in me anyways.
And I HAVE had relationships since I've implemented this little policy of mine, and it has never been a problem. It might seem somewhat crass to suggest that a bunch of computers are more important than a relationship, but its not just aa bunch of computers, its who you ARE. Its as much a part of your life as what you eat, where you live, and the type of person you want to spend your life with. And if the person currently ringing your doorbell will be in constant conflict with your geeky lifestyle, then you would both be better off if you just didn't answer the door.
-Restil
Play with my webcams and lights here
If you are living with another person, you need to learn a little about maturity. It isn't all about you, now, you have to consider someone else when you make each decision. If you get married and have a kid, now you have to consider two other people before making a decision. Its called growing up.
Yeah, we all had a blast when we were in college and had computer parts strung about the house, but you either keep that life, or share it with someone else. If you share it with someone who doesn't like it, either grow up, or dump her and go back to your electronic wonderland.
Sorry to sound harsh, but I had to be told the same thing before I got married.
Good quote, too many chars. Seriously, the slashdot 120 char limit sucks!
The best reason for ethernet in the bathroom would be to listen to MP3s in the shower, I'd think.
I'd like to have a waterproof touchscreen control panel that would replace a single ceramic tile, to control the music. Well, if somebody comes to the front door you could use it to see the camera view, too, and decide whether this visitor is worth getting out of the shower for or just another Jehovah's Witness.
As for what to do in general, I just made it clear from the beginning (a few weeks after I met her online, before we even met in person) that I was always going to be a geek, spend a lot of my time doing techy stuff, and she better not try to change me, because that's my life, and I have some goals that I need to try to reach. So far so good, except that she has a bit of an obsession about keeping things clean, like most women I suppose. Which means I don't get to pile up nonfunctional junk in every room anymore, but still there is some sort of computing device in just about every room, and I still have a total mess in 2 rooms plus semi-mess in the main computer room. She even likes the Audrey in the kitchen because she can check the weather, TV guide etc.
In general I think a geek has to decide if his geekhood is important enough to you to wait until he can find the sort of woman who can tolerate or appreciate it. If that's really who you are, then I don't think you should have to give up everything for love. But, it sounds like in your case, small compromises or compensation are keeping both of you happy, so what problem? Good luck.
uh like a threesome?
four-oh-four
Honestly what did you expect? you are living with someone else and i don't know your relationship but i really doubt that this is the first time she has brought this issue up, and if you are living with someone else you have to both agree on your relationship, it doesn't work if the balance is on one side or the other. You need to compromise with her about things... and a jack in the bathroom is alittle overboard... it is like having a television in the shower..... a relationship is not just for you, it is for both of you, and she should not have to live in a place that she doesn't feel is her home and you shouldn't either.
As many have posted, it is all about compromise.
Get out of the idea of "geek house" mode (ie, cables and shit everywhere). Transition to "geek haus" mode (cables and shit everywhere, hidden discretely).
Granted, doing this in an apartment may be a bit of a problem, so you might either have to go wireless or learn how to install wires (and deinstall them when you move) in a place you don't own. Don't worry - the experience will be more than helpful when you finally do get a house in the future (everything needs fixing).
That there may be part of the problem - you need more space. But, like hard drives, you will never have enough space for your crap. I recently moved into my first house, and I can already envision not having enough space for my junk (my next step: a guy I know is starting a "geek junk storage" collective, where will rent out a storage unit for communal junk swapping - which sounds like a cool thing to do, and may help others). Maybe you need to learn to live with less.
One compromise I made with my wife was that I get one room for an "office", to decorate and make however I want it - and she gets the rest of the living space to make the way she wants it. I handle all networking and cabling management (ie, setting up the stereo, her computer, etc) - but she handles all the "look" of the house. It is a good thing, because my idea of style is metal shelving. She knows how to make a house a home, and make it comfortable. Oh, and she doesn't like to look at wires, so if a wire has to be run somewhere, it is up in the attic I go to do it.
It is a good tradeoff - she already knows my plans to set up a welder in the garage (only nearby source of 220VAC). She has no problems with that. She just wants things to look nice, in the areas people can see - what happens "behind the scenes", I handle.
Oh, BTW - a network jack in the bathroom seems like overkill. However, setting things up to handle video and music in the bathroom, perhaps control lights, etc - might be worthwhile - just make it look nice - ie, professional.
Reason is the Path to God - Anon
There's nothing to be done now since you've apparently smoothed the current incident over. However, if she'd going to play it that way, the next time she does it, do the following:
- Take a day off from work when she's not home
- Arrange for a locksmith to come over and change your locks that day.
- Box all of her stuff up and have it by the front door.
- Wait.
- When she gets home, let her in and tell her she's packed up and ready to go.
If she's going to try to use your love and affection for her against you and not sit down and negotiate like mature adults, she's not worth it. Once you give in, it will continue to happen and will only get worse. In the end, you will be miserable and she will end up leaving you some reason that's bound to be your fault. I've been there and now that it's over, I wish I would have called her bluff at the beginning. It would have saved a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. The only alternative is to end up a spineless man with a domineering wife often parodied in the old WB cartoons ([voice tone=whiney]"Yes, dear".."of course dear"..."anything you say dear" [/voice]).Either way, you win. Either she leaves, you get to do what you want, and avoid bigger messes later on, or she backs down, learns that you're not going to put up with that shit and will have to behave like an adult in the future. Loneliness sucks, but it's better than having to deal with that sort of crap day in and day out.
the good ground has been paved over by suicidal maniacs
The reply's here have been patchetic to say the least. Have as much hardware as you like.
What is important is your relationship, not how many Ferrari's, or Pentium's you have. If you really love each other, then this stuff does'nt matter in the least. I wonder if it's an excuse for a problem with your relationship that either of you have.
Heh, funny...here's how we at Hass Manor deal with it.
My hubby's a music geek. I'm a computer geek.
He doesn't mess with my computers, I don't mess with his music equipment.
At this point, we are drowning in both computers and music equipment. But we are both very, very happy.
Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power multiplied.
One - get a bigger place! If you have a truly mammoth geek habit, you must be drowning in equipment.
Two (and a more practical one) - If you truly must have connectivity everywhere in the house, use 802.11b. But be very careful before putting a PC in the bathroom. If a PC must go in the bathroom full-time, consider getting one of those old i-Openers that are hacked into PC's. They show up on eBay all the time. It can be wall-mounted easily and takes up little space. However, this will almost certainly cause relationship issues. Avoid surfing in the can.
Three - Make sure she has a computer of her own. Keep it safe, secure, and reasonably well-equipped, then leave it alone. Let her do as she wishes with it.
Four - What do you really need to spend? High-speed is great and generally worthwhile, but you should be doing most of your home gear as cheaply as possible.
Five - Earn enough money to justify the inconvenience to her.
Now, for my $.02 - we have an old Victorian house that I wired up, and there are computers in a large portion of the house. I've been able to work with my wife on this because of a few ground rules we established:
First off, I'm expected to be responsible in my tech gear. I try not to buy too much stuff.
Secondly, I try to keep my buying to things that are relevant to my work skills. That way I can get some writeoffs for it.
Third, our house technology is kept mainly under wraps, except for her iMac in the bedroom. I keep all my servers and networking gear either in the cellar or in a spare bedroom I use as an ofice. She pretty much gets to do what she wants with the rest of the house.
We basically have an understanding - my tech skills pay the bills and allow her to stay home with our newborn. But I need to spend some money, time, and space on the tools that I use to maintain my skills. Fortunately, I enjoy it, so it's also fun for me.
In exchange, she gets the freedom to be a mom (which is the job she really wanted) and to handle the rest of the house as she sees fit. I get to veto projects if we can't afford them at that point in time - I keep better track of the finances than she does. But we do everything she wants at some point or another - I only manage the pace.
I can say one thing though - we have no PC in our bathroom. It might not be as easy for us to have this arrangement if we had a PC there.
-- Josh Turiel
"2. Do not eat iPod Shuffle."
Next time be strong.
I'm a geek, I'm male, and even I can tell she's right. My fiance is decidedly non-geek (she's a chef), and so maybe I've gained some perspective living with her.
But a network port in the bathroom? Even I can tell that's going too far. You know, taking the laptop into the shower is usually inadvisable.
If you need a geek toy to play with while you're on the can, you might want to get an iPaq or Palm and take that with you.