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Monkeys Pay for Monkey Porn
An anonymous reader writes "Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys. He'll also pay to see dominant monkeys. But you'll have to pay him to look at inferior monkeys. That's the upshot of a study out of Duke that was designed to explore the 'social machinery of the brain with an eye toward helping autism patients.' Next up -- seriously -- the researchers want to run the same test on Joe Sixpack (sans the monkey business)."
Do they spank the monkey as part of the experiment?
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
....the next time you get caught looking at porn, you can point to this article and say, "Hey it's not me, it's evolution, baby."
Grunt, grunt, grunt ...Screeeeeeeeeeech!
Step 1 - get monkeys.
Step 3 - Profit!!
Where can I download this monkey porn?
Anyone else get a completely different meaning out of that then they intended?
Don't Tread on Me
Crack.
Oh, wait, this wasn't a poll?
paintball
What, no 'fermented banana juice' to go with that fresh monkey pr0n?
i stopped paying for porn the day i discovered a web browser!
Insert witty comment here
Really?
I thought Joe Sixpack only needs a brown bag for most anything that moves.
What did the monkeys DO with the photos? If you could say, get Bush photos on a roll of Charmin, I'd be inclined to buy them.
paintball
Does this qualifies us as naturally p0rn addicts... for the rest of us, ./'ers?
Would there be anything wrong with this sentence: give a human some spending money and he'll blow it on pictures of female humans?
I guess I'm objecting to the notion that being male is the norm.
Shop as usual. And avoid panic buying.
This just proves the inferiority of monkeys, since everyone knows there's plently of free monkey porn on the net. Is monkeyporntorrents.com registered?
I've often heard Forbes described as porn for Fundamentalist Republicans -- guess this monkey research backs that up.
Peel a banana for a monkey, and he'll be fed for a day.
Teach a monkey to surf the Internet, and he'll find his own peelers.
Personally, I think most sports fans are a little "gay". They'd rather watch a bunch of sweaty guys jumping all over eachother, than, say fashion TV - where hot models walk down the runway.
..........FULL STOP.
Why don't the monkeys have filesharing? Then they could spank themselves to death. Maybe they were humans before the MPAA got them or something.
C|N>K
Insert your own mj & bubbles joke here.
This is Ig Noble Prize material! Last years Psychology Ig Nobel Prize winner won for "Gorilla's In Our Midst", showing that "when people pay close attention to something, it's all too easy to overlook anything else -- even a woman in a gorilla suit." Clearly, monkey butts is important follow-up research that also deserves a prize.
Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys.
I wish they would stop referring to the students at Duke like that.
The ______ Agenda
My boss doesn't like it when I call him "baby".
If you put an infinite amount of monkeys in a room with a bunch of Internet terminals, do they eventually come up with a new business model for online pr0n?
"Hey it's not me, it's evolution, baby."
I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
I'm at peace with my lust
I can kill 'cause in God I trust, yeah
It's evolution, baby
I'm at piece, I'm the man
Buying stocks on the day of the crash
On the loose, I'm a truck
All the rolling hills, I'll flatten' em out, yeah
It's herd behavior, uh huh
It's evolution, baby
Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, here's my coat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
This land is mine, this land is free
I'll do what I want but irresponsibly
It's evolution, baby
I'm a thief, I'm a liar
There's my church, I sing in the choir:
(hallelujah... hallelujah...)
Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, admire my clothes
'Cause we know, appetite for a nightly feast
Those ignorant Indians got nothin' on me
Nothin', why?
Because, it's evolution, baby!
I am ahead, I am advanced
I am the first mammal to make plans, yeah
I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
Twenty-ten, watch it go to fire
It's evolution, baby (2X)
Do the evolution
Come on, come on, come on
I for one, welcome our new masturbating monkey overlords.
Duh!
I for one welcome our new female monkey porn dealing researcher overlords!
Or perhaps the change will raise the overall level of discourse. Hard to say.
Steve Balmer must have been one of them.
Sounds like you have it all figured out.
"Next up -- seriously -- the researchers want to run the same test on Joe Sixpack"
they already have. statistics via big screen movie sales and reactions via imdb posts.
And the Winner of the 2005 Ignoble Prize for Human Psychology with their study of Bestality pornography in controlled primate environments is...
That we'd get anything other than a stream of 'spank the monkey' jokes, I suppose.
I mean, I'll grant you that they're easy... But for all that the circumstances of the study make for plenty of nice crass jokes, it does raise some very interesting questions - hands up who else thought watching sports, and porn, were singularly human proclivities?
Apart from the mild fascination attatched to what this tells us about our extra-fuzzy relatives, it gives an interesting perspective on what it is to be human, how divorced are we from our fellow animals? From those things we like to refer to as 'animal instincts'?
But, since it's all too easy.. I'll let you construct a joke based on dominant monkeys, and American politics, as an exercise for the reader.
fortune -o
... and what do they have to be paid to do?
>Give a monkey some spending money, and he'll blow it on pictures of women monkeys
Give researchers some money, and they'll spend it on monkey porn
It appears that one of the embedded ad's html is messed up. And since the ads/sponsored links are served somewhat randomly, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Turn off your javascript and it should display fine for you
Ok, silly question...
If a male monkey gets off on looking at pictures of naked (human) women, is that considered bestiality?
Hear recorded Slashdot headlines on your phone! New service beta testing. Just call (248) 434-5508
If you give a hundred monkeys a hundred laptops, how long will it take before they start posting on /.?
;-)
Or has this already happened?
The belief in a biblical god is an ignorant one
It would be interesting to know if they really only tried it with a male watcher / female picture combination. If so that would give an interesting insight into the researcher's minds...
Another question then would arise: were the researchers male or female...
there you go
The grass is always greener on the other side of the light cone.
Are you sure this research wasn't written by one of those infinite number of monkeys? ;-)
from all the spam I get - I have to assume that's where the real monkey money is at.
What?
Well, I had a joke that didn't involve both "spanking" and "monkey" in it, but after seeing all of the other ones, I can't picture anything but a monkey masturbating...
Help a poor college student. Send a couple cents via paypal to chucks86@gmail.com
Seems just like a nice allegory to the evolution of man: Monkeys -> pr0n -> IQ Test
...why do they call 'em 'runway models'?
you've been listening to too much Right Said Fred.
it's just to hard to catch, with or without a sack.
Yeee haw!!!
I only give a shit because I see your mom in the photos.
Life is not for the lazy.
Do female monkeys pay orange juice to see male mokeys?
-ss
KdenLive/PIAVE - non-linear video editing
This shows us that hamsters are SO much more intelligent than monkeys... Mine were doing their own porn movies long before this...
My site
Bush, ahem, sanitary tissue.
In other news, women monkeys were said to be disgusted at the results of this survey.
A spokes woman for MWEF (Monkey womens' emanicipation front) said "As always, research on males are considered more important than research on women." When asked to comment, the human researchers mumbled something about women monkeys having a more complex hormonal system.
A team of Russian researchers gabe the monkey couples a remote control as part of the experiment, the women monkeys immediately monopolized it and choose to give all their money to see "Friends", because Marcel is so cute.
Tell your friends about xenu.net
- to see dominant male monkeys?
- to get bananas?
- to get dildos?
- to see monkey pr0n?
Privacy begins with
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=BRG8K8H&key=EUB
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
*GG*
All rites reversed 2010
This is an attitude of what those comfortable with Autism call a "curebie". I am the parent of a wonderful boy who happens to have autsim, and I can tell you, he is no need of a "cure".
Autism is categorized as a system-wide neurological disorder. A "disorder" because the system of an autistic individual deviates from what is considered "normal". These are most likely inherited traits. To "cure" autism would pretty much be a system of eugenics. Once born with these traits, there is no cure. Just as there would be no cure for left-handedness or red hair. This is not an acquired disease, this is who these people are.
Not being comfortable with looking at someone in the face is not the end of the world. I hope to teach my son coping mechanisms to live in a world that does not make sense to him, there is no need for him to pretend to not be autistic and fit in with the Neurotypical folk.
As cool as it is that monkeys like porn as much as the average slashdotter, this research in my opinion is misguided.
There are two kinds of fool. One says, This is old, and therefore good. And one says, This is new, and therefore better.
if this test is carried out on an infinite monkeys, will one become hugh hefner ?
Can we please finally start to admit that other primates (apes, and extinct primates, such as Neanderthal, homo erectus, etc) are/were a lot more like us than we care to admit?
Isn't it likely that Australian aborigines are part homo erectus (see here
and
here
and
here.
And that Europeans are probably part Neanderthal. And then you have homo florensis....
I wonder why we cannot admit that apes are a lot like us? Maybe because we eat them sometimes? Maybe it is similar to the rationalization people used in the past to justify slavery?
eat shiat and bark at the moon
Obviously, these monkeys did have the internet, otherwise they wouldnt be paying for it!
Giving IE users a taste of their own medicine since 2005 - http://pods.-is-a-geek.net/
Do monkeys spank the human?
Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
Well, this was an interesting study but there are a few details that I am interested to know about. How did the researchers determine that the monkeys were "exchanging" their "money" for monkey pr0n; what was the exact mechanism used to determine that such an exchange was taking place? Monkey's don't use verbal communication and won't say "I'd like to see some hot female monkey ass in exchange for this juice you just gave me." So what's going on with these monkeys?
In the current experiment, researchers have noticed a trend. Monkeys given a web browser will still look at female monkeys, and also refresh certain pages constantly though-out the day. The research group named WebMonkeys were found to be 50% less intelligent than the Control group. Of the 50,000 involved in the experiment it was found that every monkey exhibited this behavior. The researches can't be wrong. Researches say they do not plan a human equivalent experiment as reference data already exists.
Asia Argento appeared naked in the film 'B. Monkey'. I liked it, should I be concerned?
Monkies are stupid. No one pays for porn!
caritj.org
I would rather know what the female monkey would spend her money on, and what she liked to watch and do. Being a male what the heck do I care what other males like :-)
:-(
I also say forget Joe Sixpack and go after Jane.
Also, I just hope and pray that my tax dollars didn't go to fund this crap, but I am sure it did somehow
The more I learn about science, the more my faith in God increases.
You must be new here.
Do monkeys spank the human?
Only in Soviet Russia.
Score: i, Imaginary
I would like to see more thoughtful discussion about why some of us do not enjoy watching sports on TV, but enjoy watching Star Trek/SciFi (without all the gay bullshit).
I do not like watching sports, but do like watching SciFi, particularly Trek. I have always been a geeky sort (good at tech stuff, not prone to follow societal dictates about dress, etc.) but at the same time quite adept in social situations, a good leader, attractive (presumed on the basis of having had several girlfriends and married twice--not all at the same time, though), and so on. So, I do not seem to fit the stereotypical model of either camp.
Therefore, is it possible I do not like to watch sports because I am dominant, or at least think I am?
Do I like Trek/SciFi because it is tech-centric, and my "dominance" is tech dependent/derived?
On the other hand, I have a forceful personality that makes it possible to "dominate" other males of superior physical prowess, at least in social settings.
Yet, I do not really enjoy social gatherings and prefer staying home by the fire and reading, or writing.
So, where do I fit in--or do I?
http://www.monkeydorm.com/
The rhesus macaque monkeys also splurged on photos of top-dog counterparts, the high-ranking primates. Maybe that's like you or me buying People magazine.
So, if I understand it right, reading People Magazine is just lire looking at a monkey's derière?
Girls = Time x Money
/. 'ers do no evil by watching female humans.
Time = Money
Money is the root of all evil
Money = [evil]^1/2
Hence, Girls = Evil
So fellow
I admit it. I'm a monkey.
Ends up I gave cash to look at pictures of female monkey butts.
I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Duke U. is full of crackpots.
This pro-aspie attitude is no different from the pro-ana and pro-deafness mess.
People with disorders and disabilities, in some attempt of self validation, try to say their disability is not a disability but just 'different'. If a person is retarded - which is what autism is by definition - trying to pretend that they're not retarded, but just 'different', is a messed up attitude. They're tying people's worth to their physical (dis)abilities rather than how good they are as a person, and as they're doing this, they try to pretend that their personal disability isn't a disability but is just 'different' to try to self validate. We see anorexics doing this, blind people doing this, deaf people, some schizophrenics, and now autistics.
Autism is not 'different' like blue and green eyes are different. It is massive brain damage caused by chronic, global physical illness. These individuals may be disinterested in focusing on others because certain parts of their brains have been literally destroyed or are not working. They often have mental illnesses because they have some of the most radical chemical inbalances in their bodies that you'll find in anyone.
2/3rds of children with autism are not 'born' with autism, but develop normally for the first two to four years. Autism is not inherited. But rather, genetic traits are inherited that make a person more or less vulnerable to the environmental insults that cause autism. Autism is a modern disease that was very rare before recent times. This is because few people were exposed to the things that cause autism until now.
Autism can and has been induced in previously normal adults and lab animals, as well as children.
Oh, and autism can potentially be cured. Parents are now having success in curing autism with bio chemical intervention. Children have gone from quasi vegetative states to being completely normal and communicative.
I am opinionated about this subject because I used to be autistic. Note past tense.
Maybe because Humans, Neanderthals, Australopithecines All Variations on One Species, and that apes and such are vastly different from humans??
:)
Not everything they say on the Discovery Channel and on National Geographic is true about the origin of man.
Best Regards,
dan
Why are you repeating SCO's legal arguments?
That's totally off-topic!
~X~
~X~
http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.htmlw w.macboy.com/cartoons/ballmer/
http://w
(Be aware, some monkeys claim that the Balmer video is the goatsx of monkey porn. Viewer discression advanced.)
I think you're looking for this:
Monkey Hot Or Not
Such rare comments are the reason I still read slashdot sometimes.
This story reminds me of a fascinating interview I heard of Temple Grandin on NPR's Fresh Air. The interview is still available to stream online.
"Temple Grandin is one of the nation's top designers of livestock facilities. She is also autistic. In her 1995 book Thinking in Pictures, she described how her inner-autistic world led her to develop an empathy for how animals cope.
Temple Grandin is currently an assistant professor of animal sciences at Colorado State University in Fort Collins. Her new book is Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior."
OS X, Linux, Tivo, Amiga, my fascination with cult-like technologies would intrigue any psychiatrist.
Please back that up with something more than "Anonymous Coward said so".
Sorry. I'm not the defective one. I don't need reeducation. Eye contact is a remarkably effective way of evaluating a person you are dealing with. It's something that's evolved over millions of years across inumerable species.
It's funny how on the Internet, some morons will step out of the woodwork to say they're offended no matter what you say.
This is just selective reading on your part. They said nothing wrong. The animal was male, it paid to look at pictures of females, and it was a monkey. They didn't say that it was only "normal" for a monkey to be male.
If the researchers said "give a monkey some money and she'll pay to see pictures of male monkeys", there wouldn't be anything wrong with that either, but I'm sure you'd get some limp wristed guy to come out of the woodwork and say that he was offended by it.
Grow a thicker skin and stop crying like a pansy. Everyone's got their weird agendas... sheesh.
*member of the Ferret Liberation Front (militant division)
Which costs more, the hotties or the bullies? I believe humans spend much more on the bullies, but we eat a lot more meat. Then again, we also demand free porn, which has not yet been reported in monkeys.
--
make install -not war
So monkeys would pay to watch other dominant monkeys masturbate and throw shit at zoo patrons? Now if you really want some primate porn, how about them Bonobos mistakenly referred to as pygmy chimps.
They use sex as a social lubricant the way we humans shake hands or hug. Would a bonobo pay to watch bonobo porn? The thing is their whole life is one big porn movie. They engage in public activities like oral sex and penis fencing. Really!
"You'll get nothing, and you'll like it!"
MPAA can finally get som hard earned cash from their clients without lawsuits. The company announced this morning that the new market that emerged from their monkey business, made the board reconsider the name - Monkey Porn Association of America, will help us reach our new audience. A spokesman told us he was pleased that the company had changed tactics after years of fighting evolution.
Remember when King Kong falls in love with Faye Wray? Didn't you wonder about the likelihood of cross-species romance among primates? Now is Science's chance to find out. I propose they include photos of Faye Wray with the female monkey photos and see how well the male monkeys like her.
Larry Niven coined the word "rishathra" for sex between different species of hominids.
Since our ancestors killed off our hominid cousins, perhaps it could be used to describe sex between primates.
Of course, they'd have to be intelligent primates. So until we get some kind of Uplift program going, a monkey getting off on human porn would almost certainly find warts and hair sprouting from his palms. (And vice-versa, so don't get any ideas!)
Stefan
In the follow up experement, most of the human subjects (with a few glaring exceptions) refused outright buy pictures of any of the monkeys. Scientists are currently puzzling out the implications of these unexpected results.
...for a George Bush joke!
Ehta nyeh IBM, ehta Macintosh!
Brian: "Are you sure it was a book, Peter? Are you sure it wasn't... nothing?"
FTA:
Would you pay to see a monkey's backside? I hope not. Monkeys will, and I guess that's okay, though it sounds awfully close to the sort of thing that lands guys in jail here in the human realm.
and...
The rhesus macaque monkeys also splurged on photos of top-dog counterparts, the high-ranking primates. Maybe that's like you or me buying People magazine.
So...apparently using People magazine as porn is one step away from being arrested for rape? What?
I know some monkey is in court for sharing his bed with kids.
Minor fact-check: Freddie Mercury wasn't gay; he was bisexual. (Check Wikipedia.)
GCHQ Quantum Insert installed. If only our tongues were made of glass, how much more careful we would be when we speak
And in Korea only old humans get spanked by monkeys?
I don't demand anyone to look me in the eye. I'm saying that the inability to make eye contact is usually indicative of underlying psychological and or psychiatric weakness, and that's information I incorporate into my evaluation of a person.
It's a behavior that exists in apes, felines, canines, etc. It's not just some social convention that manifested recently, and as it is usefull information, we shouldn't pretend that it doesn't exist.
Those researchers got it all wrong. To quote Chimps' Research Quarterly, "Uh oo ah ah aaah eeeeh ehee ah ah oooh waaah ah aooh aah oooh ah aah eeh eeh eeeeeh ah oo oo oo uuu uu u ah yeeee aaa ah 67% uh uh ooh oo oo ah".
Table-ized A.I.
If it weren't for autism we wouldn't have had
Newton or Einstein.
"Cure autism now by selling porn to monkeys"
A totally brilliant idea, too bad I didn't think
of it first!
Screw curing autism, what about some of those
nasty autistic things people actually do suffer
from. Discrimination, allergies, auto immune
conditions, "behavioural therapies" (called
torture when applied to prisoners)
Heh. Heh. You said "erectus".
What others thought
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based on 65 votes
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She last checked her score:
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The weirdness in the US has an awful lot to do with the heavy cultural influence of the Puritan movement, seeing as most of them fled over here and were a large component of the early colonies.
IMO, if someone describes the US as Puritanical, it's not just a slur but actually somewhat factual...
DNA just wants to be free...
how often, per day, do they look at slashdot?
Dude, this is slashdot. It's what goes on.
> So before you rant, please do some investigation in the subject.
*foghorn leghorn voice* you're not from around here, are you, boy?
These are most likely inherited traits. [...] This is not an acquired disease, this is who these people are.
We all have inherited traits that may cause problems, but that doesn't mean we have to just accept them. Human beings have the capacity to change, and it may well be the right thing to help your kid change who he is.
Pigs - as women always call men "pigs"! Then we could have found out it its true or not. As it stands, all women much now use the phrase "men are monkees".
That's the upshot of a study out of Duke that was designed to explore the 'social machinery of the brain with an eye toward helping autism patients.'
Sure they are. They're just doing market research for the porn industry! When the market for human porn is saturated, it's time to branch out. If monkeys actually had money, you'd already be seeing magazines and DVDs with titles like "Backdoor Primates, Vol. 1", "Gorillas Gone Wild", etc.
"Next up -- seriously -- the researchers want to run the same test on Joe Sixpack..."
Seriously.
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
Wait, so your saying I might get PAID to watch 'Inferior Women' soon?! I might just have to quit my day job.
So, the question is: How are the monkeys able to see who is dominant and who is not?
It's the monkey holding the whip.
Ahhheeeeeeyyyyaahhhhhh!
I do have trouble looking people in eyes. Often I won't even face people wile talking to them.
However, I also have an enormous porn collection that puts most servers to shame (300,000+ pics/vids).
The interesting thing is it's all female; no men, nor even phallic references are shown. I also hate sports, and would rather have a root canal than watch "dominant" males.
Is this normal, or simply another instinct I am missing?
What's next, Bananaphone sex?
"When the atomic bomb goes off there's devastation...but when the atomic bong goes off there's celebraaaaation!"
as like "a monkey on my back" but this is ridiclous...
Men and women agree on at least one thing; pictures of women are much better than pictures of men :)
that Darwin was right?
Dance Monkey Boy! Yeaaahhhhh! WOoooooooo!
These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
this book and forget about dumb social studies?
http://www.bushorchimp.com/images/pic09.jpg
The poster (me!) is a die-hard veteran whose id has less than 5 digits (and truly an "Anonymous Coward" to post with my name. Thanks for the AC privilege, Malda!)
..."
:-)
I got the idea of "oooh oooh aaah aaah" from the Wiggles when they were singing a song "Animal" "Do the monkey, oooh oooh aaah aaah, oooh oooh aaah aaah, do the monkey, oooh
As for my other lyric part, it comes with adventurous experience.
And do the female monkeys have pictures of GWB up in their rooms?
Well ... why didn't they study whether female monkeys would pay to watch naked male (or even female) monkeys?
:)
What do female readers of slashdot have to say about this? (Are there any, BTW?
they'll be doing an experiment to see if people will pay for kitty-porn.
Where can I get a grant to do some lame study?
In other news, study finds that cigarettes are addictive, and that caffine may prevent you from sleeping.
The key is, with deafness and sign languge comes culture, as with any language. THe parents are spreading their culture on to their child, who will carry it on.
All Troll + "offtopic" mods are meta moderated as "Unfair", because you abused the system.
You link to tripod pages. That says it all.
xkcd is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.
are you saying the pix are photoshopped? Or are you just being a media-sheeple?
eat shiat and bark at the moon
Gates: Simply because one must spend billions of dollars to ensure the security of each individual system.
Each individual system running GNU/Linux ??
CC.
TaijiQuan (Huang, 5 loosenings)