Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers

what? by Dyinobal · 2010-07-12 05:17 · Score: 1

Am I the only one who thought monkey soldiers was a type of military unit? Like shock troops or special forces? It wasn't until I saw the picture that I actually got it, they mean actual monkeys.

Re:what? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:27 · Score: 0

You mean like frog-men?
Re:what? by Dyinobal · 2010-07-12 05:29 · Score: 1

yes exactly!
Re:what? by WrongSizeGlass · 2010-07-12 06:22 · Score: 1

Won't somebody think of the monkeys?
Re:what? by Chapter80 · 2010-07-12 06:46 · Score: 1

This is news? How long has Guerrilla Warfare been around?

Seriously, it didn't work for the Wicked Witch of the West, why would it work for the Wicked Warmongers of the Middle East.
Re:what? by Impy+the+Impiuos+Imp · 2010-07-12 07:45 · Score: 1

This article gets my seal of approval!

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(-1: Post disagrees with my already-settled worldview) is not a valid mod option.
Re:what? by LHorstman · 2010-07-12 08:01 · Score: 1

The Taliban have a long history of working with Primates. As early as 2001 they were well documented as working with one Johnny Chimpo (aka Johannes Chimpo) who would run around with his butler doing naughty things. Luckily for them his butler was there to persuade him to not let the great Satan tempt him with western culture and that he must remain true to his Taliban warlords. You can find out more about this and the Taliban's Primate related connection with the American drug trade from the documentary described here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247745/
Re:what? by KreAture · 2010-07-12 10:02 · Score: 1

Stock up on banannas people!
Re:what? by Runaway1956 · 2010-07-12 10:46 · Score: 1

Wait til those monkey soldiers meet our Buffalo soldiers. Monkey stew!

--
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
Re:what? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 13:17 · Score: 0

This article gets my seal of approval!
This response is the cat's meow.
Re:what? by slick7 · 2010-07-13 04:16 · Score: 1

Am I the only one who thought monkey soldiers was a type of military unit? Like shock troops or special forces? It wasn't until I saw the picture that I actually got it, they mean actual monkeys.
Monkey drunk robot pirate ninjas?

--
The mind conceives, the body achieves, the spirit manifests.
Re:what? by slick7 · 2010-07-13 04:21 · Score: 1

The Taliban have a long history of working with Primates.

How do they get them to read the Quran?
Would this be blasphemous to Mohammad?
What would PETA say?
What would Allah say?

--
The mind conceives, the body achieves, the spirit manifests.

How to counter.... by AnonymousClown · 2010-07-12 05:17 · Score: 3, Funny

Grunt: "Sarge, there's a platoon of monkeys coming at us!"

Sarge: "Alright. Get the fruit truck and the truck loaded with female monkeys in heat."

The monkeys will then drop their weapons, run for the fruit and then for the females in heat. Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.

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RIP America

July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001

Re:How to counter.... by countertrolling · 2010-07-12 05:33 · Score: 5, Funny

Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies

--
For justice, we must go to Don Corleone
Re:How to counter.... by AnonymousClown · 2010-07-12 05:44 · Score: 5, Funny

Coalition soldiers then walk in without a fight.
Until the Taliban truck in a bunch of Playboy bunnies, weed, and Twinkies
War is Hell.

--
RIP America
July 4, 1776 - September 11, 2001
Re:How to counter.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:03 · Score: 0

Since we repealed "don't ask don't tell," The Playboy bunnies won't be 100% effective at least.
Re:How to counter.... by Duhavid · 2010-07-12 06:04 · Score: 1

So.... the female monkeys in heat... Fresh fruit aint good enough for them?

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emt 377 emt 4
Re:How to counter.... by PDX · 2010-07-12 06:06 · Score: 1

This reminds me of a Charlton Heston movie. When will Mark Wahlberg show up? When can I expect the monkey's to start looking like Helena Bonham Carter?
Re:How to counter.... by Cassander · 2010-07-12 10:17 · Score: 1

Since we repealed "don't ask don't tell," The Playboy bunnies won't be 100% effective at least.
...and that's what the twinks are for...

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Knowledge != Intelligence
Re:How to counter.... by Requiem18th · 2010-07-12 10:33 · Score: 1

So.... Fresh fruit... the female monkeys in heat aint good enough for them?
FTFY

--
But... the future refused to change.
Re:How to counter.... by bobstreo · 2010-07-12 10:38 · Score: 1

Nah, monkeys are easily countered by automated robot sentries and predator drones.
So Monkeys vs Robots.
Re:How to counter.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-13 12:44 · Score: 0

or... just poison the fruit. much easier

uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 05:17 · Score: 0, Offtopic

This is no longer a fight we can win.

pfft...how about a fight we shouldn't be engaged in at all?

WE'RE BROKE AND OUR COUNTRY IS UNDER MASSIVE DEBT...but uh...we're gonna keep killing these fucks. Send gas, ammo, and armor. Thanks, mom!

Seriously?

Disclaimer: No, I do not support the Iraq or Afganisthan wars. No, that doesn't mean I don't "support the troops".

--
Living With a Nerd

Re:uh.... by clang_jangle · 2010-07-12 05:20 · Score: 2, Insightful

Well if they're going to have monkeys and we're getting robots at least the entertainment value should go up a bit.

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Caveat Utilitor
Re:uh.... by Sponge+Bath · 2010-07-12 05:22 · Score: 2, Insightful

It only took Russia one decade to figure this out. Looks like it will take us two decades to come to our senses.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 05:22 · Score: 0, Troll

newsflash: you ARE engaged in the fight, so quit whining about it, it's not accomplishing anything except demoralizing your own troops and encouraging the taliban fighters to keep fighting.
Re:uh.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:32 · Score: 0, Insightful

I've got a better option, let's cut and run, and let those fucks continue to conquer the world. Let me give you a hint. How many muslim countries were there when you were botn? How many are there now? Do you want your daughers to be property? I'm not willing to accept that.
So, you keep supporting our troops by encouraging our enemies, and I'll keep killing the fuckers who intend to kill you if you don't convert.
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 05:42 · Score: 1

I don't think you quite understand the purpose of the first amendment.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 05:49 · Score: 5, Insightful

I've got a better option, let's cut and run, and let those fucks continue to conquer the world.
Clearly, hurling rocks at tanks = conquering the world, while spending billions upon billions of dollars on advanced weaponry and yelling at anyone that doesn't agree with us isn't conquering the world.
And, naturally, trying to convert as many countries as possible to our way of doing things doesn't count as conquering.

So, you keep supporting our troops by encouraging our enemies, and I'll keep killing the fuckers who intend to kill you if you don't convert.
That's funny...I don't seem to recall American citizens being killed by Muslim's on a regular basis until we invaded their countries.

--
Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 05:49 · Score: 1

I completely understand the purpose of the first amendment. I don't think you quite understand the fact that whining about things that have already happened can't change them.
Re:uh.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:53 · Score: 0

Newsflash: talibani cavedwellers don't read slashdot and don't give a shit what the GGP says.
Newsflash: Neither do most of our soldiers.
I love all these dweebs who claim that a little dissent at home is what makes our soldiers unable to tell which towelhead is their friend and which towelhead wants to kill them when we're backing a corrupt asshole who is currently destined to be the Shah of Afghanistan. Just like how Kent State students had some super powerful invisibility ray that made us lose Vietnam, and this was back when it was OK for our soldiers to rape and slaughter entire villiages, but they still couldn't find the damn Viet Cong. Naturally, everyone in possession of this invisibility cloak refuses to allow the military to use it for themselves.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 05:54 · Score: 2, Insightful

it's not accomplishing anything except demoralizing your own troops and encouraging the taliban fighters to keep fighting.
Right. I'm sure their encouragement has nothing to do with bombing their homes. It's me talking smack about our presence there. Of course! Alert the military! ::eye roll::

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 05:55 · Score: 2, Insightful

Those who can't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. It never ceases to amaze me how many flag-wavers see the bill of rights as an obstacle to be overcome. I realize full well the futility of bitching about things that have already happened, at the same time, OP's post was about CONTINUING the war. The money that will be spent when we're still fighting this thing 5 years down the road HASN'T already happened. Telling OP to shut up because he takes a stance politically indicates to me that you're just another flag-waver; may God have mercy on your soul.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by Beardo+the+Bearded · 2010-07-12 05:58 · Score: 2, Funny

Wait just a minute.
If they use monkeys and the US uses robots, we can rig up some Predator drones with cameras, hook the whole thing up to pay-per-view, and then start trucking in the weed, twinkies, Playboy, fruit, female monkeys, oil, booze, and blackjack.
Hey, people can PAY to have the trucks come in. "$50 more and the US gets the truck of bananas."
The free hand of the market at work.

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ECHELON is a government program to find words like bomb, jihad, plutonium, assassinate, and anarchy.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 05:59 · Score: 1

I support the fact that they are serving their country...but the missions in Afghanistan and Iraq are indeed a waste of our time. That's not the soldiers' fault.
"War is a lot of young men dying and a lot of old men talking."

--
Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by besalope · 2010-07-12 06:01 · Score: 1

Robots Versus Monkey Wrestlers?
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 06:06 · Score: 3, Insightful

Speaking of Islamic states, let's topple one of the most secular governments in the middle east and let the Islamic fundamentalists vote in a new leader. Nothing could go wrong there...right? I mean, it's absolutely right to demonize Hussein, but don't try to convince me that they were going to come in and forcefully change our way of life. Especially when Hussein and Al Quaeda were in direct ideological conflict regarding secularism.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 06:28 · Score: 1

First, I'm not even from your country, so you're wrong on the flag-waver call. Second, his post wasn't about CONTINUING the war. Read it carefully. He clearly says "how about a fight we shouldn't be engaged in at all". That's referring to an event that has already passed. He hasn't suggested any means of extracting your country from the shit, he's merely bitching about how you're stuck in the shit, when you shouldn't be. And as I said, bitching about being stuck in the shit only demoralizes those trying to clean the shit up. The time for bitching is when the elections roll around, and you can fire those that got you stuck in the shit if that's how you feel. Now is the time to do what you can to help those shoveling. Third, how is it you know you'll still be fighting this thing 5 years down the road, and why aren't you doing anything to see to it that it can get resolved quicker than that? And finally, don't be asking YOUR God to have mercy on MY soul. That's between ME and MY God.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 06:34 · Score: 1

I guess you don't even have a clue about all the work that's going on in Afstan, do you? You think all that's going on is the US military bombing homes?
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 06:38 · Score: 1

Let's take a look back at my post, shall we?

pfft...how about a fight we shouldn't be engaged in at all?
WE'RE BROKE AND OUR COUNTRY IS UNDER MASSIVE DEBT...but uh...we're gonna keep killing these fucks. Send gas, ammo, and armor. Thanks, mom!
Seriously?
Note the bold sections. I was referring to the fact that we shouldn't have started these conflicts in the first place, nor should we be continuing them.

He hasn't suggested any means of extracting your country from the shit
Simple. We pack up and leave. Whether we leave now, five years from now, or fifty years from now, they WILL come back. Might as well do it before more American soldiers are killed and taxpayers dollars are wasted.

--
Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by pluther · 2010-07-12 06:38 · Score: 1

You're an idiot, and so is whoever rated your nonsense "insightful."
Even if you believe all the hype, propaganda, and nonsense about Islamic Terrorism, we are not, and never were, in danger of being conquered by Afghanistan.
Even if they did manage to create a nuclear device and set it off somewhere in the US, that would have meant we would have lost one city to destruction, it would not mean that we suddenly all converted to fundamentalist Islam.
The only religious fundamentalists trying to take over the US are Christian, and even they are mostly irrelevant. Sure, they can damage our science education somewhat but even with a sympathetic President and with majority control of both parts of the Congress they were unable to make much progress in their favorite agenda items (abortion and homosexuality). And that's in a religion that 80% of the populace agrees with. Can you honestly believe that fundamentalist Islam can possibly be more successful?

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If the masses can keep you down, you're not the Ubermensch.
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 06:40 · Score: 0, Insightful

WE'RE BROKE AND OUR COUNTRY IS UNDER MASSIVE DEBT
'We are.' Present tense.
we're gonna keep killing...
Future perfect tense. Your reading comprehension leaves a lot to be desired. Yes, you can be against continuing something on the basis that it should never have happened in the first place. That is not the same as arbitrarily bitching about things that have already happened.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 06:42 · Score: 1

You think all that's going on is the US military bombing homes?
What I think is going on is irrelevant...our enemies think all we're doing is bombing homes, which certainly doesn't help lower their bloodlust.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by ZFox · 2010-07-12 06:48 · Score: 2, Insightful

Who was invaded by the USA before this war?
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 06:48 · Score: 1

what world are you living in?
1983
1993
October, 2000

for a more complete list of American citizens being killed by Muslims, try here.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 06:57 · Score: 1

1983
From your link:
The attack came in the wake of the intervention of a Multinational Force, made up of Western countries, including the US, in the Lebanese Civil War, to try and restore order and central government authority.

1993
From your link:
These letters made three demands: an end to all US aid to Israel, an end to US diplomatic relations with Israel, and a demand for a pledge by the United States to end interference "with any of the Middle East countries' interior affairs." He stated that the attack on the World Trade Center would be merely the first of such attacks if his demands were not met. In his letters Yousef admitted that the World Trade Center bombing was an act of terrorism, but that this was justified because "the terrorism that Israel practices (which America supports) must be faced with a similar one."
See a pattern forming here? Not defending their actions, I'm just saying they never attacked us just for the hell of it...agree with their reasons or not, they believe they had sufficient reasons to carry these attacks out.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by fuzzyfuzzyfungus · 2010-07-12 07:00 · Score: 1

Do you honestly think that spending a great deal of blood and treasure propping up a deeply corrupt and questionably competent puppet government(that isn't exactly a hotbed of liberalism and enlightenment values itself) is going to have the slightest positive effect in terms of arresting the spread of particularly illiberal strains of Islam?

If so, I'd recommend talking to the Shah of Iran about that.... Or, for that matter, cast your eyes upon our recent successful transformation of Iraq from a brutal secular dictatorship into a deeply corrupt, increasingly authoritarian and theocratic quasi-democracy. Definitely a trillion or two well spent.

Let's be real clear here: I have not the slightest fondness for islamic radicals. I consider them every bit as epistemologically contemptible as any other Abrahamic monotheist and, statistically speaking, much more likely to be nasty about it. However, the notion that our fucking around in the middle east is doing the slightest bit of good in terms of arresting their spread strikes me as risible and completely indefensible on any but the most evidence-blind jingoistic grounds.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 07:02 · Score: 1

He's bitching about the decision that was made in the past about entering afghanistan, and has led to the current situation. And yes, you can be against continuing something on the basis it should never have happened. It's called whining. And you can whine about it all you want, but IT DOESN"T HELP!
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 07:11 · Score: 1

So I should be a good little citizen, fall in line with our government, and back them 100% regardless of whether I agree with it or not?
Thanks for the tip, Commissar.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by iccaros · 2010-07-12 07:15 · Score: 1

9 years before we started this campaign 400,000 civilians were killed by the Taliban. in the 9 years the US has been there 16,000 civilians have been killed by both Taliban and NATO forces. (source Christian Science Monitor) your right, its not about the truth its about perception, but perception can be changed by telling the truth.. the people in Afghanistan would back up the US and NATO overwhelmingly if they did not truly believe that we are going to leave them, and the same old regimens of corruption were going to take back over. They just want to be on the wining side when we leave. Talking to people there, it clear that they know we don't want their country and they do not believe we are willing to stay no matter the cost and life will return to as it was before we got there.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 07:19 · Score: 1

what you think is going on is completely relevant, because you and many others are thinking it, and voicing it, and influencing those who hear you speak about it. What you think the enemy thinks, however, would be irrelevant. They hijacked planes and killed 3000 Americans before any homes were bombed, so what makes you think there's a chance you can lower their bloodlust? Play out the scenario if the US abruptly pulls out of Afstan. With no pressure from US armed forces, Taliban are able to rebuild their numbers, and begin plotting terror attacks worldwide. No innocent civilians are targets of bombs instead of US soldiers. Is that a better choice? Or do you think the Taliban will just give up their crusade once the US forces withdraw?
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 07:21 · Score: 1

Woopdeedoo. Why go there over somewhere like Burma, or Sudan, or any other dozens of other places on the globe who are under just as much terror, if not more? Why the Middle East, where our very presence increases the risk on our own soil?
So, if you are trying to convince me this was a noble cause because of the reduction in civilian death, why choose the middle east over other parts of the world?

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by pregister · 2010-07-12 07:21 · Score: 1

God Monkey Robot
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 07:27 · Score: 1

You want my true, honest, complete opinion? Because you aren't going to like it.
I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
A ground war in these territories is clearly impossible to win. Unless we wipe out every last al-qaeda and Taliban member in the area, then we will never be able to leave. Destroying the whole place is the only 100% surefire option. We need to either ignore what's going on over there, stop playing policeman, and figure out a way to make this whole thing work...or we need to nuke the entire middle east.
Like I said, you wouldn't like my answer, but there it is all the same.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 07:28 · Score: 0

You're right. Silence that dissident.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 07:34 · Score: 1, Interesting

Yes. Free speech zones have been designated in various areas throughout the mojave desert, and you will be allowed to use them for 30 days preceding any federal election.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 07:38 · Score: 1

The time to speak up is before the decisions are made, that is the only time your voice can have a positive effect. If you disagree with the decisions, you express your opinion at the ballot box. The point of electing a leader is to have someone to make the tough decisions, since you'll never get a unanimous agreement from all citizens. You won't always agree with the decisions, and not every decision made will turn out to be the right decision. But once that decision is made, you follow through on it, and express your opinion at the ballot box at the appropriate time. In the current war, you need to wait until the Afghan national army is trained and armed properly to keep the Taliban at bay indefinitely. Then the US forces can withdraw, and you can bitch about what a stupid decision it was in the first place. To cut and run now will result in the Taliban regaining power in Afghanistan. Do you think they won't try any more terrorist attacks against US civilians at that point?
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 07:42 · Score: 1

Oh, so now I'm only allowed to express my opinion when I vote for one puppet or the other?Fuckin' hell I'm glad you aren't in charge of things over here. Seriously.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by Danse · 2010-07-12 07:58 · Score: 1

The time to speak up is before the decisions are made, that is the only time your voice can have a positive effect. If you disagree with the decisions, you express your opinion at the ballot box. The point of electing a leader is to have someone to make the tough decisions, since you'll never get a unanimous agreement from all citizens. You won't always agree with the decisions, and not every decision made will turn out to be the right decision. But once that decision is made, you follow through on it, and express your opinion at the ballot box at the appropriate time. In the current war, you need to wait until the Afghan national army is trained and armed properly to keep the Taliban at bay indefinitely. Then the US forces can withdraw, and you can bitch about what a stupid decision it was in the first place. To cut and run now will result in the Taliban regaining power in Afghanistan. Do you think they won't try any more terrorist attacks against US civilians at that point?
No, the time to speak up is always, and especially around election time when we can actually replace the idiots making the bad decisions with others who will hopefully make less bad decisions. Saying we should get out is not whining, it's stating the belief that our government should take that action, i.e. do something to correct the initial bad decision that was made. I don't necessarily agree with that assessment, but it's certainly his right to state his beliefs about it. That's why we have free speech.

--
It's not enough to bash in heads, you've got to bash in minds. - Captain Hammer
Re:uh.... by pastafazou · 2010-07-12 08:02 · Score: 2, Funny

that's the exact sentiment all the critics said about Iraq. They called it a quagmire, the next Vietnam. Guess what. Iraq has been won. Why? Because the people of Iraq themselves decided Al-Qaida were the bad guys, and started helping the US. The same is true for Afghanistan. The majority of Afghans are quite happy with the liberation the US has provided them, and the Taliban have been unable to do anything throughout most of Afghanistan. However, the remnants of the Taliban have been able to establish a new base of operations in the borderlands of Pakistan, and are recruiting new members from the local population there. It is possible to win a ground war, in fact the ground war in Afstan is won, the local population supports the US effort. What is needed now is the assistance of the Pakistani government as well as the tribal leaders in the border regions to stop protecting and sheltering the remaining Taliban. In five years from now, the Afghan forces will be strong enough on their own they won't need the US to support and protect them any more. As for ignoring the entire region, there's no way you can do that. It was tried already, and 9/11 was the result.
Re:uh.... by Pojut · 2010-07-12 08:09 · Score: 1

Guess what. Iraq has been won. Why? Because the people of Iraq themselves decided Al-Qaida were the bad guys, and started helping the US. The same is true for Afghanistan.

So if we've won, why the fuck are we still sending billions of dollars over there? Why are people still being killed on a daily basis?

However, the remnants of the Taliban have been able to establish a new base of operations in the borderlands of Pakistan, and are recruiting new members from the local population there.
If the Taliban were our enemy, and they are still fighting, then the war isn't over numbnuts.
If you have somehow convinced yourself that the wars have been won when we're still throwing money and blood on the ground in both countries, then you and I have nothing else to talk about.

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Living With a Nerd
Re:uh.... by jimbolauski · 2010-07-12 08:10 · Score: 1

I don't think you quite understand the purpose of the first amendment.
I think it is you who don't understand it, the 1st amendment protects people from being punished by the Government, so if I were to say that Obama take it up the ass from Pelosi, I would not be taking it up the ass from Buba in prison.

--
Knowledge = Power
P= W/t
t=Money
Money = Work/Knowledge so the less you know the more you make
Re:uh.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 08:19 · Score: 0

Uh, Afghanistan is not in the middle east. Consult a map.
Furthermore, Joe average Afghani actually likes having the coalition troops there. The taleban are strongly disliked in that country.
Re:uh.... by logjon · 2010-07-12 08:24 · Score: 0

Entirely missing the point.

--
The stories and info posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only fools would take it as fact.
Re:uh.... by dave420 · 2010-07-12 09:54 · Score: 1

You short-sighted fuck. Did you think the Taliban woke up bored one day and thought it'd be cool to be dicks? Hint: Something happened to them.
Re:uh.... by dave420 · 2010-07-12 09:59 · Score: 1

You said Iraq, but I thought you were talking about Iran, where pretty much the same thing happened, except using local brown people instead of uniformed American troops.
Re:uh.... by dave420 · 2010-07-12 10:02 · Score: 1

Exactly. The only way to defeat terrorism is to talk to terrorists. If one finds that objectionable, talk to the terrorists while they're still concerned, vocal opponents to one's actions. Don't give them a reason to pick up a weapon or start making explosives. If their grievances are valid, then fix them. If they are not, you instantly have the support of the rational world behind you. Easy peasy. Oh yeah, but that doesn't give a government carte blanche to use the excuse of terror for whatever means they want, so it's not very popular.
Re:uh.... by mangu · 2010-07-12 10:03 · Score: 1

agree with their reasons or not, they believe they had sufficient reasons to carry these attacks out
John Dillinger believed he had sufficient reasons to rob banks: "because that's where the money is", in his own words.
Re:uh.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 10:40 · Score: 0

Please mod parent up. The United States has been attacked as infidels since its inception. They'll feed you justification after justification to satisfy the weak-minded amongst us. The fact of the matter is, we're infidels and must convert or be destroyed...
Re:uh.... by mangu · 2010-07-12 11:03 · Score: 1

The only way to defeat terrorism is to talk to terrorists
Okay, so I want your home, what's on your bank account, everything you own, right now. Or else I will become a terrorist.

talk to the terrorists
I'm willing to negotiate, but I have one precondition. Give me all you have, right now. If you don't do it, that's because you are not willing to negotiate. And if you don't want to negotiate that fully justifies me into becoming a terrorist.

you instantly have the support of the rational world behind you
You may have the support of the rational world, bu *I* am not rational. Give me what I want right now, or I will become a terrorist.
People who use terror in their arguments only understand the language of terror, therefore unless you terrorize them, you cannot talk to them.
Re:uh.... by aqk · 2010-07-13 12:36 · Score: 0

This is no longer a fight we can win.
... Send gas, ammo, and armor. Thanks, mom!
Uhhh.. And Mom? While you're at it, could you send me and the boys a few pounds of bananas?
No need to ask why....

--

.
- aqk
F U /. illiterates.
Re:uh.... by vaporland · 2010-07-13 14:23 · Score: 1

spending billions upon billions of dollars on advanced weaponry ...
and going bankrupt in the process...

--
Ask Me About... The 80's!
Re:uh.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-22 12:53 · Score: 0

That's funny...I don't seem to recall American citizens being killed by Muslim's on a regular basis until we invaded their countries.
garsh, does it have to be regular? tell me again what had we invaded when the towers came down?

Best be careful.... by daemonenwind · 2010-07-12 05:17 · Score: 5, Funny

If you start arming monkeys, you end up with a banana republic.

Re:Best be careful.... by Hognoxious · 2010-07-12 05:30 · Score: 1

I'd be concerned about a mutiny; apparently the pay is peanuts.

--
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Re:Best be careful.... by elrous0 · 2010-07-12 06:01 · Score: 1, Insightful

At least the monkeys are more civilized than the Taliban. They smell better too.

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:Best be careful.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:57 · Score: 0

LOL one of the wittiest comments I've heard all day heheh, hats off to you, sir!
Re:Best be careful.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:14 · Score: 0

I see what you mean, and it's funny, but actually, a banana republic is created by Chiquita (Previously United Fruit, Inc.) annexing a part of the globe, putting some marionette dictator in charge to exploit the fuck out of the land and the people. Boycott Chiquita! (And Dole, just to be on the safe side.)
Re:Best be careful.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:35 · Score: 0

Guns don't kill people, monkeys kill people.
Re:Best be careful.... by linzeal · 2010-07-12 10:31 · Score: 1

You are thinking of Pachyderms not Primates, the cast of the Jungle Book have not all vowed to smite the pig-faced American crusaders, yet.

--
An Education is the Font of All Liberty
Re:Best be careful.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 14:59 · Score: 0

imn gonna make a shirt out of this,
Re:Best be careful.... by Sulphur · 2010-07-12 16:20 · Score: 1

The Taliban with the monkeys in Qandahar.
--
If you eat enough banannas, then your shit doesn't stink.
Re:Best be careful.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 18:36 · Score: 0

Clearly you get the husks

Well then by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:17 · Score: 0

I, for one welcome our gun toting simian overlords.

Re:Well then by besalope · 2010-07-12 06:03 · Score: 1

I, for one welcome our gun toting simian overlords.
You Damn Dirty Ape!
(I know monkey != Ape, but it's close enough)

Fight Fire with Fire by Sponge+Bath · 2010-07-12 05:19 · Score: 2, Informative

Time to call Lance Link!

And so starts by Kitkoan · 2010-07-12 05:21 · Score: 4, Funny

The real planet of the apes... DAMN YOU

--
Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,

Re:And so starts by CosaNostra+Pizza+Inc · 2010-07-12 09:13 · Score: 1

The real planet of the apes... DAMN YOU
Funny how I had a similar comment with the famous Charlton Heston line and nobody got it.
Re:And so starts by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 10:29 · Score: 0

No, that isn't funny at all.

As seen in the picture by twebb72 · 2010-07-12 05:21 · Score: 0, Flamebait

Each expendable monkey is accompanied by an equally expendable child ranging 8 - 12 years old.

Re:As seen in the picture by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:12 · Score: 0

Wait til you see PETA get fired up about killing the monkeys.
Screw the women and children noncombatants. SAVE THE MONKEYS!!

I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by ProppaT · 2010-07-12 05:23 · Score: 4, Funny

...but this is ridiculous!

--
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."

Re:I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by sznupi · 2010-07-12 05:29 · Score: 1

Meh, seen it before

--
One that hath name thou can not otter
Re:I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:35 · Score: 0

I'm not being properly pedantic if I don't point out that gorillas aren't monkeys. I'm sure someone else will ape this comment.
Re:I've heard of guerrilla warfare before... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:47 · Score: 0

Did you say gorilla warfare?

Maybe they are? by elucido · 2010-07-12 05:23 · Score: 4, Funny

Maybe they are?

I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.

Re:Maybe they are? by sznupi · 2010-07-12 05:36 · Score: 1

That wouldn't even be terribly new. Tends to, uhm, backfire though.

--
One that hath name thou can not otter
Re:Maybe they are? by PPH · 2010-07-12 05:55 · Score: 2, Funny

Right. Have you seen the price of 72 virgins lately?

--
Have gnu, will travel.
Re:Maybe they are? by jbeach · 2010-07-12 05:57 · Score: 1

But if anyone can find 72 monkey virgins, Allan can.

In fact, Allah is probably the only entity imaginable who can. Not even Hanuman would be that interested.

--
The Invisible Hand of the Free Market is what punches workers in the nuts.
Re:Maybe they are? by elucido · 2010-07-12 06:06 · Score: 1

Right. Have you seen the price of 72 virgins lately?
Of course those virgins have no rights, so they can be traded like property, as if Allah condones slavery.
Re:Maybe they are? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:25 · Score: 1, Interesting

they have monkeys we have Unmanned drones. at this rate its who runs out of rc planes/monkeys to kill each other with first.
Re:Maybe they are? by gtall · 2010-07-12 06:42 · Score: 1

Maybe they are running out of their daughters to strap suicide vests. That was also one of their favorite tricks. And then there is that passage in the Koran about 72 bananas....
Re:Maybe they are? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:50 · Score: 0

I think this is my favorite part:

After 1942, the use of anti-tank dogs by the Soviet Army rapidly declined, and the training schools were redirected to producing the more needed mine-seeking and delivery dogs. However, training of anti-tank dogs continued until June 1996.[9]

its nice to see that level of efficiency. A lame program that didn't really worked right.... continues 50 years longer than the war that it was developed to be used in. Excellent work. I can see administrators from governments all over the world traveling to listen to talks by the people who ran this program on how to be an excellent program administrator.
-Steve
Re:Maybe they are? by euxneks · 2010-07-12 09:55 · Score: 1

Maybe they are?
I wouldn't put it past the Taliban to train a monkey to do a man's job. It's probably cheaper to get a monkey to blow themselves up, especially if the monkey is expecting to receive bananas.
It's not just any old bananas though, it's 14 virgin bananas.

--
in girum imus nocte et consumimur igni
Re:Maybe they are? by linzeal · 2010-07-12 10:34 · Score: 1

All Abrahamic religions condone slavery. That is the one difference between east and west, the east largely was slave free but had harsh caste systems but the west has been in love with slavery since day 1.

--
An Education is the Font of All Liberty
Re:Maybe they are? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-13 03:54 · Score: 0

Abrahamic religions originated in the east (middle east, at least).
Your statement does not compute.
Re:Maybe they are? by sznupi · 2010-07-24 08:18 · Score: 1

Easy, just assure nepotism / etc. can work.

--
One that hath name thou can not otter

Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by pablo_max · 2010-07-12 05:28 · Score: 3, Insightful

"...It was a good effort, but it's time to pack it in. This is no longer a fight we can win."

History would indicate this is actually the case.

Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by phantomfive · 2010-07-12 08:42 · Score: 1

What history are you talking about, actually? Recent US history shows that we have good chances of winning (by winning in this case I'm going to say establish a viable government that we can rely on to keep the country free of Al Qaeda and we can push them if they don't), as long as the public stays behind the war. If the public loses support for the war (like in Vietnam, which probably happened because the army was actively lying and misrepresenting how the war was going), then of course it can't be won.

If you are talking about the history of Afghanistan being the grave of empires, then that's just silly, because Afghanistan has been conquered many times: by the Mongols, the Persians, the Muslims......check out this list for a better understanding of history. Historically, Afghanistan is not 'unconquerable.' That is propaganda.

--
Qxe4
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by sznupi · 2010-07-13 12:15 · Score: 1

Recent US history shows that we have good chances of winning (by winning in this case I'm going to say establish a viable government that we can rely on to keep the country free of Al Qaeda and we can push them if they don't)
That's failing even with places which are your allies from the beginning in all of this "War on Terror" stuff.

--
One that hath name thou can not otter
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by phantomfive · 2010-07-13 12:35 · Score: 1

It's not clear to me what you are saying......are suggesting that, for example, England, has begun to harbor terrorists? Because that doesn't really make a lot of sense (sure, terrorists have operated in England, but they are not tolerated by the government)

--
Qxe4
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by sznupi · 2010-07-13 12:49 · Score: 1

For somebody claiming to be familiar with the situation around Afghanistan, you are surely quick to forget about, say, Pakistan... (not the only example - Somalia would be probably the most striking one, the government there is surely an ally in "War on Terror"...; and tolerating or not by the gov doesn't have much to do with anything BTW, it doesn't directly translate, by itself, to where a given place is going)

--
One that hath name thou can not otter
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by phantomfive · 2010-07-13 12:53 · Score: 1

OK, so given the above, what is your solution? Or do you just like criticizing other people to make yourself feel better?

--
Qxe4
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by sznupi · 2010-07-13 13:05 · Score: 1

What is this suddenly, a type of Tu quoque?...
Who says I have a solution? (nvm whether or not a "satisfactory" one exist) It isn't required to show fallacy of what you said; how the issues are much harder than you paint them to be (when even our allies...), in practice perhaps bound to end in "failure" of some sort.

--
One that hath name thou can not otter
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by phantomfive · 2010-07-13 13:18 · Score: 1

Eh, everything will end in failure. That is known as the heat death of the universe. No matter what you do, it will end in failure. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to accomplish something in the interim.

In Afghanistan, if the populace maintains the will long enough, then the Afghanis will end up with a stable government. Or do you have some reason to believe that the counter-insurgency techniques aren't good enough?

--
Qxe4
Re:Sarcasm, but I agree with the sentiment. by sznupi · 2010-07-13 13:31 · Score: 1

Now you're going into absurdly dismissing doubts...
"Maintains"?

--
One that hath name thou can not otter

I came here to... by Sponge+Bath · 2010-07-12 05:28 · Score: 4, Funny

...eat bananas and kick some ass, and I'm all out of bananas!

Historical Precedent by coaxial · 2010-07-12 05:29 · Score: 1

Lord Ram had a monkey army not only fight for him, but build a bridge to Sri Lanka so that he could attack his enemies.

AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT'S A MYTH!

Re:Historical Precedent by rev_sanchez · 2010-07-12 05:37 · Score: 1

Yes, but the bridge, while long, is underwater. Money contractors may work for bananas but the quality of the work still isn't there especially on maritime projects.

--
If you didn't come to party don't bother knocking on my door. Prince '1999'
Re:Historical Precedent by ascari · 2010-07-12 11:00 · Score: 1

Actually, Hanuman built the bridge to Lanka.
Re:Historical Precedent by coaxial · 2010-07-12 14:54 · Score: 1

Monkey contractors may work for bananas but the quality of the work still isn't there especially on maritime projects.
I guess he should have hired more elephants. I understand that they work for peanuts.
*ba-bum-bum ksshhh*

Drunken Monkey Style by PolygamousRanchKid+ · 2010-07-12 05:29 · Score: 1

The Chinese are experts with monkey martial arts: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drunken_Monkey

--
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!

Re:Drunken Monkey Style by Kitkoan · 2010-07-12 09:46 · Score: 1

Even better when they are given knives.

--
Attention... all grammer nazi"s! Is they're anything; wrong with: my post,

The Taliban should heed the warnings of Thatcher by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:29 · Score: 0

She very wisely warned against the outcome when you run out of other people's monkeys.

Somebody has to say it... by 0b1knob · 2010-07-12 05:30 · Score: 0

I for one welcome our new Taliban Monkey soldier overlords....

So the Taliban has finally evolved to a primate? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:31 · Score: 0

How can you tell the difference? Unless you see their tail as they run away.

Way ahead of you by pEBDr · 2010-07-12 05:31 · Score: 1

We swedes actually tried that with moose a couple of hundred years ago. The moose were actually quite good at killing people. Sadly almost all of them were swedes.

Re:Way ahead of you by PPH · 2010-07-12 05:52 · Score: 4, Funny

A Møøse once bit my sister...

--
Have gnu, will travel.
Re:Way ahead of you by ignavus · 2010-07-12 19:52 · Score: 1

We swedes actually tried that with moose a couple of hundred years ago. The moose were actually quite good at killing people.
Sadly almost all of them were swedes.
I thought swedes were vegetables, not people.

--
I am anarch of all I survey.

Are we sure this isn't just by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:32 · Score: 1, Insightful

the Chinese equivalent of The Onion, and we don't know enough Chinese to recognize it?

Methinks by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:33 · Score: 0

the Chinese have been reading The Onion again. http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Retractable_Capitol_Dome/

It is the time of the monkeys.... by aapold · 2010-07-12 05:35 · Score: 1

Now get in there and test that luggage!
Headquarters! what is it? I can't move my lips!
Can't see a thing through these masks
Go go godo watch him go go go
Little Johnny is a walking faux paus
His royal purpleness!

--
"Waste not one watt!" - CZ

One Boatload of Bananas ... by Herschel+Cohen · 2010-07-12 05:38 · Score: 2, Funny

will wipe the Taliban out. Capitalism at Work, i.e. Cost Efficient Bribery.

They are doomed I tell you.

Appropriate counter by aapold · 2010-07-12 05:41 · Score: 1

We need to train monkey-eating eagles, like the Phillippine Eagle and the Harpy Eagle....

--
"Waste not one watt!" - CZ

Bomb monkeys? by euyis · 2010-07-12 05:41 · Score: 1

Monkeys that can aim and fire the guns are too unrealistic, maybe the terrorists are just training suicide bombing monkeys.
So they're repeating some really, really old mistake - Soviet anti-tank dogs

Re:Bomb monkeys? by PinkyGigglebrain · 2010-07-12 09:57 · Score: 1

Considering that the Taliban, and other extremist groups (all religions) tend to restrict the education of their followers to just enough to follow the dictates of their leaders it is obvious that this validates the adage "Those who do not learn from History are doomed to repeat it".
Re:Bomb monkeys? by Falconhell · 2010-07-12 11:23 · Score: 1

Personally I think "the only thing you learn from history is no one learns antyhing from history" is more relevant.

Coo by SnarfQuest · 2010-07-12 05:43 · Score: 1

What do you do if these monkey soldier stage a coo? I'd guess you could just wait a couple of hours until they lose interest and go off in search of bananas.

--
Who would win this election: Andrew Weiner vs Andrew Weiner's weiner.

Re:Coo by Binkleyz · 2010-07-12 06:01 · Score: 3, Funny

Stage a coo? As in a pigeon call?
Re:Coo by Thud457 · 2010-07-12 06:18 · Score: 1

maybe he was thinking of the word " coop ".

wait, that makes even less cents

--
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Re:Coo by Chris+Burke · 2010-07-12 07:04 · Score: 1

Bill Hicks: You know there was rumours of anti-Castro pigeons seen drinking in bars... Someone overheard them saying 'coup, coup.'

--

The enemies of Democracy are
Re:Coo by ProppaT · 2010-07-12 07:05 · Score: 1

I'd be more worried about them staging a poo, to be honest.

--
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
Re:Coo by Coppit · 2010-07-12 12:27 · Score: 1

Pigeon call? As in pigeons have the best booty?

We're way ahead of them. by John+Hasler · 2010-07-12 05:45 · Score: 5, Funny

The Marines have had guns for centuries.

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.

Re:We're way ahead of them. by elrous0 · 2010-07-12 06:08 · Score: 1

Now, now, there is really no need to insult the monkeys like that.

--
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
Re:We're way ahead of them. by 2obvious4u · 2010-07-12 06:14 · Score: 1

It all makes sense now, I always wondered where Hooah came from, it was just monkey talk...
Re:We're way ahead of them. by John+Hasler · 2010-07-12 06:20 · Score: 1

> Now, now, there is really no need to insult the monkeys like that.
Good point. Gorillas aren't monkeys anyway. They're apes (though behaviorly chimps are a better fit).

--
Warning: this article may contain humor, sarcasm, parody, and perhaps even irony. Read at your own risk.
Re:We're way ahead of them. by Sporkinum · 2010-07-12 06:44 · Score: 1

And monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my head!

--
"He's lost in a 'floyd hole"

Response from the American Military command: by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:46 · Score: 1, Funny

NUTS!

Won't it draw attention? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 05:49 · Score: 1, Funny

I know I'd be suspicious if I saw a monkey running towards me holding out a banana with a lit fuse.

laugha while you can by trb · 2010-07-12 05:54 · Score: 2, Informative

Laugha while you can, monkey boy!

It's not that bad. by Deathlizard · 2010-07-12 05:55 · Score: 1

Actually, it's not that bad since the US has robots on our side.

Now if they were ninjas that would be a different story, since the only place that has pirates is somalia.

--
In Soviet Russia, Trojan exploits YOU!

Chinese News falling for Onion article again? by Arancaytar · 2010-07-12 05:58 · Score: 1

It wouldn't be the first time.

Really bad translation... by RingDev · 2010-07-12 06:02 · Score: 3, Funny

The time the cited the Onion on the story about the retractable dome over the capital building was funny, but this has to be the worst translation ever.

Monkey Soldiers...
Guerrilla Tactics...

-Rick

--
"Most people in the U.S. wouldn't know they live in a tyrannical state if it walked up and grabbed their junk." - MyFirs

Re:Really bad translation... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 09:22 · Score: 0

Monkey Soldiers...
Guerrilla Tactics...
Navy Seals....
Re:Really bad translation... by Larryish · 2010-07-12 11:00 · Score: 1

Monkey Soldiers...
Guerrilla Tactics...
Navy Seals....
Detroit Lions?
Re:Really bad translation... by MokuMokuRyoushi · 2010-07-12 12:24 · Score: 0

Wrong, the next in the sequence is Buffalo soldiers.

--
Humans are terrible replicators of Godly things.

oblig Dr StrangeLove reference by stewbee · 2010-07-12 06:03 · Score: 2, Interesting

General Turgidson: " Mr President! We must not allow a monkey soldier gap."

Every which way by vgbndkng · 2010-07-12 06:04 · Score: 2, Funny

Left turn, Clyde.

Monkey Overlords by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:05 · Score: 0

I for one welcome our new Monkey overlords

and where's my mooncity?!! by Thud457 · 2010-07-12 06:12 · Score: 4, Interesting

It's the 21st centruy, why can't I pony up $50 so I can shoot a enemy of America in the head via webcam ?!!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6568977/#slice-2

--

the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

Re:and where's my mooncity?!! by Beardo+the+Bearded · 2010-07-12 10:05 · Score: 1

Why not?
Just as long as you remember that once you engage in the combat, you are also a fair target.

--

---
ECHELON is a government program to find words like bomb, jihad, plutonium, assassinate, and anarchy.

Coming soon... by talktoyourpillow · 2010-07-12 06:24 · Score: 1

gorilla warfare

Shhhhh... - nobody tell Fox News by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:29 · Score: 0

Nobody tell Fox News, or we'll have Caribou Barbie on every channel screaming about how Obama isn't doing anything to counter the monkey menace!

Queue Laser Shark Jokes... NOW by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:31 · Score: 0

The Mumbai attack would have been worse if the terrorists could have taken out the navy too.

Project X by dadelbunts · 2010-07-12 06:35 · Score: 1

Hey if Matthew Broderick can teach them to fly planes this is possible.

Not New by hasanen · 2010-07-12 06:36 · Score: 1

Well..this is not new, Microsoft has be doing this for years.

Before you snicker... by Deadstick · 2010-07-12 06:36 · Score: 1

...remember we tried it with bats.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_bomb

rj

Not flamebait by Robotron23 · 2010-07-12 06:41 · Score: 0, Offtopic

This being modded 'flamebait' is a bit silly.

Samzenpus himself rarely writes comments in his own Idle posts. Also I don't think I've actually seen anybody on Slashdot write a passionate defence of his postings since Idle was created, infact the majority of people who talk about him do so in a critical or disapproving tone. Many people just block Idle altogether.

Based on this, whoever modded my original post 'flamebait' isn't thinking straight...because even if it was intended as such (it wasn't) nobody would rise to the 'bait' and flame me in defence of an editor who many would agree is Slashdot's worst.

From the looks of this video its an even match by RevWaldo · 2010-07-12 06:43 · Score: 1

Monkey vs Robot!! - James Kochalka Superstar

(fyi/spoiler - somewhat-now-famous person in the monkey suit!)

.

--
Prisencolinensinainciusol. Ol Rait!

Monkeys in the military?? by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 06:50 · Score: 0

Monkeys in the military?? The U.S. already has this. We have PLENTY of Africans in our military!
This could be a good test, though, to see which TYPE of monkey can be trained more easily.

Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey. by Quiet_Desperation · 2010-07-12 06:58 · Score: 2, Funny

In related news, the US deploys its new Gabriel drones with the ability to shock the monkeys.

Re:Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 15:23 · Score: 0

The rest of this thread is pretty good, but this comment wins, hands down.

When asked... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:03 · Score: 0

When asked how many monkey soldiers there would be the Chinese spokesperson replied with "One at first, but he'll train more".

Question by johnrcarter · 2010-07-12 07:12 · Score: 1

How many virgins do the monkeys get?

Re:Question by jbeaupre · 2010-07-12 07:26 · Score: 1

Well, the Taliban has told the monkeys they will each receive a department of MS code monkeys. That's about 72, right?

--
The world is made by those who show up for the job.

Comment removed by account_deleted · 2010-07-12 07:12 · Score: 1

Comment removed based on user account deletion

We could win... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:13 · Score: 0

...but not with our soldiers ordered to fight under crippling rules of engagement.

Let 'em fight, unhindered, with their cans of whoop ass fully opened (media new reporters and cameras will be the first casualties eliminated from the theatre of operations, however, and they should be) and the fight will be won and operations mopped up rather quickly.

Re:We could win... by sznupi · 2010-07-13 12:10 · Score: 1

No previous forces invading the area of present Afghanistan had to "fight under crippling rules of engagement"
And look what an advantage that was...

--
One that hath name thou can not otter

Monkey soldiers?! by Millennium · 2010-07-12 07:14 · Score: 1

Man, if I were a US soldier on the ground now, I'd be thinking this was a real kick in macaque.

Quick! by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:17 · Score: 0

Someone call Sadr Al-din Morales!

Re:Historical Precedent - but wrong religion by billstewart · 2010-07-12 07:47 · Score: 1

No, the Taliban wouldn't use a "monkey army", because that's something the infidel religion to the south would have done.

And that army of invisible bloodsucking ghosts is a myth too - it doesn't exist. At all.

--

Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks

Not Afghanistan by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 07:48 · Score: 2, Informative

The picture is clicked in India. That's the president's house (Rashtrapati Bhavan) in the background (Janpath is the name of the street).

Re:Not Afghanistan by Lectoid · 2010-07-13 00:54 · Score: 1

So what you're saying is that the US needs to invade India.

--
Is it just me, or do you hate it when people say "Is it just me..."?

Taliban Monkeys vs. American Dolphins? by cdenn016 · 2010-07-12 08:06 · Score: 1

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/science/2007-02-13-dolphin-defenders_x.htm what a wonderful world

First Amendment? Good idea! by Ardx · 2010-07-12 08:14 · Score: 0

You're right! Now we know what they meant.... The right to arm bears! They want to assault us with monkeys armed with AKs, then we should retailiate with bears strapped down with .50s.

--
Whoa there dude! Check your keyboard, somebody might have slipped you a Dvorak.

Mercenary looking for work by w0mprat · 2010-07-12 08:22 · Score: 1

My expertise is heavy weapons, demolition, hand to hand combat, and grooming for lice.

--
After logging in slashdot still does not take you back to the page you were on. It's been that way for 20 years.

But wait.... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 08:32 · Score: 0

If the Taliban uses armed endangered species, would we be allowed to shoot them?

Monkeys attack Humans by CosaNostra+Pizza+Inc · 2010-07-12 08:38 · Score: 1

"Damn them!!...Damn them all to hell!!!!"

How much cheaper would it by future+assassin · 2010-07-12 08:45 · Score: 1

Have been in the long rub to just pay off the Taliban to go and hang out in some exotic place with dirty 72 virgins.

--
by TheSpoom (715771) Uncaring Linux user here. I have nothing to add to this but please continue. *munches popcorn*

A wise sage once said... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 09:03 · Score: 0

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do, too (if they've got a gun)" - Eddie Izzard

The background.. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 09:22 · Score: 0

No one noticed the 2 blurry chimps making out in the background?

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/294453

we'll counterattack with the human bear by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 09:56 · Score: 0

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iFPQNQY7vAU/Ss75e4OqltI/AAAAAAAAB5o/rHlUIcpi4Ig/s400/oso_humano.jpg

This is the beginning of the end by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 10:04 · Score: 0

Is the saying "art imitates life". Now we know how the ape's took over in Planet of the Apes. So Charles Heston should have been addressing the Taliban when he spoke his famous line.

The TSA are way ahead of them by nickovs · 2010-07-12 10:17 · Score: 1

The TSA knew this was going to happen, which is why they already have procedures for screening monkeys at airports!

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If intelligent life is too complex to evolve on its own, who designed God?

Finally! by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 10:47 · Score: 0

My day has come!

Jules Verne! by Pseudonymus+Bosch · 2010-07-12 10:57 · Score: 1

Gil Braltar is a satirical short story by Jules Verne parodying British colonialism. It was first published together with The Flight to France as a part of Voyages Extraordinaires series (The Extraordinary Voyages) in 1887.

The story is set in British fortress and colony Gibraltar. A man, a Spaniard named Gil Braltar, dresses up as a monkey and becomes leader of a group of monkeys living there (Barbary Macaque). He incites attack on the fortress. The attack, initially successful, is foiled by a British general. This general is so ugly that the monkeys believe he was one of them and obey him when he leads them out. Verne's conclusion is that in the future only the ugliest generals will be sent to Gibraltar to keep the colony in British hands.

So now the occupying forces know how to defeat these Taliban monkeys.

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Men with no respect for life must never be allowed to control the ultimate instruments of death.
GW Bu

In related news.. by ascari · 2010-07-12 10:58 · Score: 1

Taliban has PhotoShop. Maybe time to tighten those software export restrictions?

They've been talking to Karl Pilkington by Hohlraum · 2010-07-12 11:07 · Score: 1

o.0

that building is from india by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 11:17 · Score: 0

its a building of the president of India (rashtrapati bhawan - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashtrapati_Bhavan http://travel.webshots.com/photo/2365622220076189403lnZHAt), and that monkey is holding a mattel gun..

the kid is earning money showing monkey shows, and this photo is probably from 1980s..

Silly person. by Falconhell · 2010-07-12 11:21 · Score: 1

"Afghanistan is not 'unconquerable.' That is propaganda."
LOL
No it is not holdable, as is obvious by the fact none of the empires you mention held it, and none are still around.

Re:Silly person. by phantomfive · 2010-07-12 11:31 · Score: 1

Seriously? That is your argument?

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Qxe4
Re:Silly person. by Falconhell · 2010-07-12 12:57 · Score: 1

Not argument, simple fact and it is easily proved, go read a history book. None of the empires that invaded Afghanistan has held it.
Recent US history includes Viet Nam does it not?
I am not in favour of an immediate withdrawl from Afghanistan, but anyone with an ounce of sense knows this is a war that can never be won.
Which part of the US are you from again?
Re:Silly person. by phantomfive · 2010-07-12 13:48 · Score: 1

Uh.....if you read a history book, none of the empires that invaded Afghanistan EXIST any more (technically Russia and UK exist, but not like they did). Thus, your point isn't really valid, since of course if you go long enough the US will not exist either. Afghanistan as a geographical entity will not exist either. Pointing that out is straining beyond gnats.

Furthermore, the goal of the US in Afghanistan is to NOT hold it. The goal is to give it a stable government so it can stand on its own.

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Qxe4
Re:Silly person. by Falconhell · 2010-07-12 15:28 · Score: 1

"none of the empires that invaded Afghanistan EXIST any more"
That is exactly my point. Invading without holding long term means not conquered, just occupied!
Whilst I would like to think we could help Afghanistan to a stable govt, it seems most unlikely. Have you read about the endemic corruption in the current afghan govt? Would you be happy if that was your govt?
Reality has to be faced, and it seems unlikely that the current afghan govt has a great deal of support.
Re:Silly person. by phantomfive · 2010-07-12 16:38 · Score: 1

Reality has to be faced, and it seems unlikely that the current afghan govt has a great deal of support.
Here's reality: the war is winnable. We can leave Afghanistan with a stable government. It isn't a question of if we can do it, it's a question of how long will it take. If the American public doesn't support the international action that long, then it will fail.

Whilst I would like to think we could help Afghanistan to a stable govt, it seems most unlikely. Have you read about the endemic corruption in the current afghan govt? Would you be happy if that was your govt?
Indeed, as far as I can tell they don't seem happy about it. Just as I am not happy about the corruption in the US government. We don't need to rid the government of corruption, we just need to give the people mechanisms to change things without turning to warlords and violent revolutions.

I don't like the Afghanistan war. It was handled poorly from the beginning. But as far as I can see, the alternative of just leaving and letting the place collapse into violence again is worse.

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Qxe4

You can take our WIVES, but never our Freedommmmm! by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 12:08 · Score: 0

RIP

Monkey soldiers? I'm not impressed by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 12:19 · Score: 0

We had a monkey president for damn near a whole decade..

Well, chimpanzee that... by Joe+U · 2010-07-12 12:34 · Score: 1

Well, chimpanzee that... It's monkey news.

Page Karl Pilkington, stat.

Is there a difference by CalcuttaWala · 2010-07-12 13:33 · Score: 1

between a monkey and a Talibani Islamist ? ( mind you, i am not referring to Muslim Afghans )

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Insight into much, Influence over nothing !

This is nothing to do with guns. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 14:38 · Score: 0

A monkey with a bomb strapped to it is the ultimate suicide bomber.

Bush was the smarter one by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-12 16:52 · Score: 0

Bush used the might of the monkeys when Morocco offered them.
Obama is now facing the might of the monkeys in Afghanistan.

To be fair, that's a point that proves that Bush was -at least for once- the smarter president of the two -any two-.
The problem is, even this point, is fake news, too bad for Bush.

Antidote by Tablizer · 2010-07-12 18:03 · Score: 1

Quick, toss it a typewriter!

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Table-ized A.I.

How to discern a wink behind a letter slot? by vortexau · 2010-07-12 20:03 · Score: 1

Since we repealed "don't ask don't tell," The Playboy bunnies won't be 100% effective at least.

But imagine the sight of Burka-clad beings, of unknown appearance & age, with Bunny Tails and Ears waving to the troops. They may be winking but you'd never know. G.I.s won't be taken-in because one can hide a lot of C-4 underneath a Burka!

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(David Bowman, EVA near HUGE Monolithic Win-PC in orbit around Jupiter) "My God - its full of Malware!"

Translate Server Error by w0mprat · 2010-07-12 20:53 · Score: 1

Is "Monkey Soldier"a too literal translation of a Chinese term?

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After logging in slashdot still does not take you back to the page you were on. It's been that way for 20 years.

Holy Monkey Tuesday! by Mad-Bassist · 2010-07-12 23:51 · Score: 1

Where's Penn Jillette when we need him?

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"The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games." - Eugene Jarvis

Weakspot by Dragofix · 2010-07-13 00:56 · Score: 1

We all know their weakspots so no worries, bring bananas instead!

Lasers by skogula · 2010-07-13 01:11 · Score: 1

But do they have Frickin lasers strapped to their heads?

Does a monkey suicide bomber... by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-13 04:59 · Score: 0

get 72 bananas in monkey heaven?

Re:Really bad ...Welcome to planet of the apes by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-13 05:20 · Score: 0

Monkeys with machine guns? What could possibly go wrong here ?!?

Thinking about game ideas by crono_acl · 2010-07-13 12:20 · Score: 1

This would make an awesome unit for Red Alert 4

On a more serious note... by aqk · 2010-07-13 12:57 · Score: 0

If we can indeed establish some uhh, decorum in this silly /. article -

In WW-II, the Soviet Army apparently trained dogs as guerrilla fighters.
They would train the starving dogs by feeding the dogs their food under tanks or trucks.
When the dogs were sufficiently Pavlovinized, they would be transported to the front, and have bombs strapped to them with a trigger "antenna" above them.
The Russians would then release the 4-legged IEDs (presumably there were no Russian tanks or trucks nearby) at the invading Nazi tanks and/or trucks.
The doggie IEDs apparently did a fairly good job, knocking out a few hundred Nazi tanks. ("citation, please?" - Sorry!)

I wonder if there is a statue anywhere in Russia commemorating these heroic K9 fighters who valiantly gave their lives for the motherland.
Probably not, the insensitive commies!

Thank goodness, these current benighted mohammedin savages consider dogs to be unclean.
(No jokes about Afghan hounds or monkeyfucking, please).

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- aqk
F U /. illiterates.

Re:Coo? ... de Grace? d'Etat? by aqk · 2010-07-13 13:29 · Score: 0

Study your biology.
Warlike monkeys will never be able stage a "coo".
"Coos" can be achieved only by peace-loving doves.

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- aqk
F U /. illiterates.

you pay peanuts... by vaporland · 2010-07-13 14:24 · Score: 1

...you get monkeys

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Ask Me About... The 80's!

Anonymous Coward by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-13 16:49 · Score: 0

Here's a good rebuttal to this story and why it would never work to train monkeys for combat: http://foolocracy.com/2010/07/ridiculous-claim-circulates-that-taliban-training-monkeys-to-shoot-americans/

This is why Afghanistan doesn't have a zoo. by Anonymous Coward · 2010-07-14 05:48 · Score: 0

Hell, we trained them to strap a shit-ton of explosives onto the backs of camels in the 80s to kill the Russians.

We ARE in trouble, the monkeys are probably better shots than most Afghanis!

No training necessary by xmvince · 2010-07-19 09:33 · Score: 1

Monkey see, monkey do!

Slashdot Mirror

Chinese News Reports the Taliban Are Training Monkey Soldiers

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