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<bozo> *damn*
<fn> "if you were in emacs, you'd be editing by now."

Stolen from http://bash.org/?6027

matts: bikes go faster than cars...a bike at 60 mph is a lot faster than a car at 60 mph
<matts> kritical: um no...
<kritical> matts: um yes
<kritical> my sisters sport car at 60 mph goes faster than my dads explorer at 60 mph
<kritical> a bike at 60 mph will blow by a car at 60 mph

source

Details here

What the fuck? What the figgety-fucking fuck??

(Obligatory bash.org: that's what the fuck.)

> Naughty America: The Game
>A cross between online dating and an MMO, Naughty America: The Game is primarily a social space with added sex. Cartoon sex, that is.

Because after I put on my robe and wizard hat, what could possibly go wrong?

at least attribute them properly: http://bash.org/?338364

The whole thread would deserve a lengthy quote on bash.org, if only bash.org accepted anything else than chat logs...

I've found this to be absolutely true. The *only* answer I received when I asked a question in 2003 was "RTFM", which is both rude and offensive. Well, sometimes the answers weren't in TFM and if the snob answering the question had RTFM himself he would have known that. Sometimes I had to hunt through 4 pages of results on google to find what I needed. There used to be a Linux newbies forum that was a recommended link at Distrowatch.com - they deleted posts with questions in them under the assumption that you hadn't searched And yet they advertised their site as the place to go to ask questions! I love my Linux but I don't like the Linux community much because of this attitude even now. When I get asked a question, I try to answer it if I know the answer, although I will add that you can find out more in the man pages if it sounds like the person hasn't read them.

Oh, and I've found that this works too.

mod parent down, a ripoff of http://bash.org/?152037

Certainly not: 'As I spoke to newbies, one Windows user who wanted to learn about Linux shared the encouraging and constructive note (not) he received from one of the project members. The responding note read: "Hi jackass, RTFM and stop wasting our time trying to help you children learn.""

Just do what this guy does and you'll be fine.

No, you're thinking of the psp.
http://www.bash.org/?633735

http://bash.org/?577451

Cannot copy it in here, doesn't conform to /. formatting (style, not content)

And so original.

That's funny, but you forgot the "I put on my robe and wizard hat" part, "merlin!"

Aight. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

You should really include a link to the entry at bash.org, which includes the continuation of the encounter. It's the followup that makes it a classic.

IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<FreshBrew> HELL FUCKING YES
<kolby> you still in english?

( http://www.bash.org/?4602 )

"Yeah, we've all heard about those 'sorry, wrong window' problems. Curse them!"

What problem?

"Yeah, we've all heard about those 'sorry, wrong window' problems. Curse them!"

What problem?

Users have proven themselves to be untrustworthy.

Like this guy? :P

This reminds me of a great bash.org quote that I'd like to share with you all:

Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors

Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me

Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious

Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here

Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did?

Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me"

Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't

Yeah, we've all heard about those "sorry, wrong window" problems. Curse them!

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

"But seriously, what's with the title, "pr0n"? How old are we here? Call it porn, or don't talk about it at all."

http://bash.org/?627168
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel !)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n

http://www.bash.org/?627522
<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy shit! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>

http://bash.org/?142934

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

http://www.bash.org/?626249

<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?

I love bash.org...
http://bash.org/?431786

This reminds me of that bash.org quote that goes: Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

What do you think of IRC, is that recorded?

Not usually but sometimes yes, and usually at the worst possible moment.

Take a look at the above submissions for the worst possible times for people to be saying the wrong thing...

(For all the people who have no idea about bash.org, it's a joke site for future reference. It contains things people have said over messenger and IRC)

Do what this guy did...
http://bash.org/?127039

Come on, acknowledge the source of your ripped-off jokes too - http://www.bash.org/?136524

http://www.bash.org/?244321

Ha Haw!

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer

bash

Doh, the correct subject should have been: http://bash.org/?178890

I still think the best bash.org autokick quote is this one

http://www.bash.org/?13213

Fun keyword filtering.

http://www.bash.org/?13213 to be precise

Well, according to this, kids today do know the feeling of playing with a greasy joy stick.

Then a few years later, fade from the public eye...

firewall

heheh... yeah right...

"Cruelty is apparently the most fucking delicious thing on earth" -- bash

http://bash.org/?142934

Hopefully it stays funny in the future of broadband.

He put on a cloak and wizard hat, and now he's chasing Shelley the intern around the server room yelling 'lightning bolt! lightning bolt!'

I would've guessed Lvl. 3 Eroticism instead of "lightning bolt! lightning bolt!" Or it could've been Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000.

http://bash.org/?367896
(Fashykekes) Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

Famous quote.

Famous in the tech/IRC/bash world of course.

This one works better for English:

Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

(And before people start bitching, yes, I did rip it off bash...here.)

Bash.org quote #367896

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

:)

* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
  that is sick
  we should ban him next time he comes in
  yeah, who the hell goes for walks

http://bash.org/?89228

Maybe not for very long

Indeed.

(Not mine.)

Personally, I think google talk is the nicest IM client I've ever used. Every little thing about it is done right.

Like to know when someone IMed you but don't want timestamps cluttering up your conversations? It will insert subtle timestamps in any long pause in the conversation.

Don't like multiple chat windows cluttering up your screen, but don't want to embarass yourself? Google talk's stackable shadable windows are just the thing.

You get the idea. Every single part of the interface seems like an ingenious compromise between the pros and cons of features that other IM clients have tried.