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Doesn't anyone watch Saturday Night Live? This argument is almost 20 years old.

I use Google 99% of the time, and our household income is, woefully, <$50K.

It was a nice way to draw some attention, though.

Yeah, well, look - you know, the average kid, he picks up, you know, matches anywhere, you know? The beach, the street, garbage cans, parking lots, all over the place in any big city. We're just packaging what the kids want!

Look, we put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - scalding heat!"

I mean, so Halo melts once in a while, or John Madden gets warped. You know, there's no harm in that. I mean, as far as I can see, you know?

Transcript:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95foldglory.phtml

they can break. Thats why I use the Xerox Assjet 790. The only copier made especially for your ass. Remember, when copying your ass this holiday season, choose quality, choose the Xerox Assjet 790.

I could've sworn I saw blue bubbles on an SNL opening monologue involving Christopher Walken a few years ago. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/00tmono.phtml

It wasn't Phil Hartman. It was Jim Downey. Phil was a customer in one, though.

First Citiwide Change Bank sketch I, sketch II. The second ends with the relevant quote.

It wasn't Phil Hartman. It was Jim Downey. Phil was a customer in one, though.

First Citiwide Change Bank sketch I, sketch II. The second ends with the relevant quote.

After all, when they're at home doing what they should be, they deal with toxic waste all the time.

(Yes, I know it's sexist. That's the whole joke of the post dummy!)

Reminds me of a joke from Weekend Update (from Saturday Night Live) back when Norm MacDonald was the "anchorman":

Who are safer drivers? Men or women? Well, according to a new survey, 55 percent of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fenderbenders, while 78 percent blame men for most fatal crashes. Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100 percent because the math was done by a woman. ... [crowd groans and boos]

For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be, uh, noted that that joke was written by a woman, so-- ... Now, you don't know what the hell to do, do ya?

No, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women.

Just for the record, I copied and pasted that from here.

Ah, now let's see if that "Post Anonymously" checkbox has any effect...

Reference (Damn you for beating me to it!)

No, it's a line from her SNL appearance. She never said it on Laugh-In.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76aphonecompany.ph tml

This actually reminds me a bit of the home headache test.

Wife: "Oh, God, I'm in agony!"
Husband (holding strip): "Honey, you don't have a headache."
Wife: "Oh, thank God!"

an album cover

It's even Retro!

All degenerative disease begins as a relatively acid condition in the tissues of the body. These tissues become oxidized, diseased and old.

Pleomorphic organisms come out of this acid environment, from elements in the blood in order to clean up these old, diseased, tissues. Bacteria are being found in the diseased tissues of all chronic, degenerative diseases. The Atlantic Monthly, A New Germ Theory by Judith Hooper, February 1999.) These bacteria are there as a result, not the cause. Louis Pasteur (1822-1895) was wrong, these organisms are not caught from the outside, they come from within.

-The Cause of Degenerative Disease (emphasis added)

Thank you, Bennett Brauer.

Anyone else think Turd Ferguson when reading that quote?

That is the best FP ever. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/99/99pcowbell.phtml

Personally, I prefer organic vehicles over the Genetically Modified variety...

from SNL, The Early Years: Superman's Party

The Flash ... Dan Aykroyd
The Hulk ... John Belushi
Antman ... Garrett Morris

[Doorbell rings, the Flash moves to answer it.]

The Flash: I'll get it, Lois. [opens door, grunts and crouches as if putting his arm around someone] Sue Storm, the Invisible Girl! [laughs] Come on right in! [Spider-Man, looking rather thin, enters and shakes hands with Flash] Hey, Spider-Man! All right... [Antman, wearing a helmet with antennae, enters and shakes hands, but the Flash doesn't recognize him] Ah... Excuse me, I'm not sure if I remember your name. I'm really bad with names, you know.

Antman: [high-pitched voice] You don't remember me? We met several times. I is Antman. A-N-T-M-A-N.

The Flash: Oh, right, right.

Antman: Yeah.

The Flash: Uh, Antman.

Antman: Yeah.

The Flash: What are your super powers again? You - you - you talk to the ants, is that it?

Antman: Well, partly. But, mainly, I shrink myself down to the size of an ant while retaining my full human strength.

The Flash: Really?

Antman: Yeah.

The Flash: [sarcastic] Oooh, that's really impressive. Size of an ant with human strength. You must be able to clean house on those other ants, huh? [chuckles] Hey! Hey, Hulk! Hey, check this guy out.

[The Hulk joins them. He and the Flash can barely keep from laughing at poor Antman and can't help chortling in-between their heavily sarcastic remarks:]

The Hulk: Ooooh!

The Flash: He's got the strength of a human!

The Flash: What are your super powers again? You - you - you talk to the ants, is that it?

Antman: Well, partly. But, mainly, I shrink myself down to the size of an ant while retaining my full human strength.

The Flash: Really?

Antman: Yeah.

The Flash: [sarcastic] Oooh, that's really impressive. Size of an ant with human strength. You must be able to clean house on those other ants, huh? [chuckles] Hey! Hey, Hulk! Hey, check this guy out.

The Hulk: Ooooh!

The Flash: He's got the strength of a human!

[...]

This confused you? Hint: it's one or the other. Better hint:

And if YOU are wondering why FreeBSD isn't taken serious by corporations, it's unprofessionally arrogant self-congratulating phrases like that that make it look like the OS of the whiny nerd that intimidate the management. When my boss wanted to see if there were any drivers for some card, or some software that would do what he wanted, he ran into people like you who acted as if his question was annoying at best. Why are so many BSD fanatics like this? Gaah... I feel bad, because you honestly don't know how this looks to newbies. You look like bullies. And BSD isn't even a bad setup. I love OpenBSD, for instance. pf is an awesome firewall, and I MUCH prefer it to IPTables.

But I wasn't looking for solutions; it's over. FreeBSD had a chance at our company. FreeBSD reigned the day with two very skilled admins who made it dance through hoops of fire. FreeBSD might be a King among Operating Systems, but we wouldn't know because it's a game of the "cool clique" through the support forums. Keep in mind, my company did want to know some bash command, or how to format a boot floppy. They had books, they knew the simple stuff. But they wanted some serious answers to some difficult problems, and what little answers they could find might as well been delivered by Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy. Us nerdly types can deal with that, hell I am used to abuse in the OpenBSD arena, but you want non-tech types to swallow their crisis and submit before the knowledge masters? Hell no. They want a corporation that can hold blame, that knows how to cater to the needs of a professional workplace. They want a platform with a broad appeal so they can find an employee who knows it without carrying a torch down rarely traveled dungeon passageways. Red Hat has that. Red Hat's brilliance is not that Red Hat Linux is the best Linux distro out there, it knows how to sell and support to corporations.

Whither FreeBSD's responsibility when the new motherboards your company just got won't let it run in SMP mode? Gotta wait for the community to develop a patch. Ooh... the patch didn't work with the bus AND the fiber card. It's a known bug, but since very few people have this problem... not many people are working on it. Now explain to the boss why you are past your deadline to replace the aging mail servers.

Management is so happy FreeBSD, which has been a bane of their existence, is leaving. Hell, they love Microsoft over FreeBSD at this point.

You are both correct, to a degree.

The problem with "fine print" is that it is used as a blank check by both sides of many common consumer transactions, much in the way as a shrink-wrap EULA is. There's the "caveat emptor", fuck off if you are too lazy approach, and the "I have a right to be mollycoddled" way of looking at it.

The former leads to fairly egregious and legally unsupportable abuses of the contract model, while the second tends to result in massive restrictions on your freedom to use common sense (because he might not read the fine print, and could sue us later) and, well, laziness on the part of the population at large.

It's probably idealistically naive to preach that companies should act responsibly, and customers ought to use their common sense. Or even have common sense. However, no matter what the fine print says, you should always remember: Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball!

So Jeff Bezos just patented calling the recipient to ask his mailing address or looking it up in the phone book.

I can see the phishing scams now.

"LandShark.com wishes to arrange delivery of a candygram gift to you. Please provide full delivery address and a time when someone will be available to answer the door..."

Obscure SNL "Land Shark" reference explained here:
What is a LandShark?
Trick-or-Treating LandShark
Jaws II
Jaws III

So Jeff Bezos just patented calling the recipient to ask his mailing address or looking it up in the phone book.

I can see the phishing scams now.

"LandShark.com wishes to arrange delivery of a candygram gift to you. Please provide full delivery address and a time when someone will be available to answer the door..."

Obscure SNL "Land Shark" reference explained here:
What is a LandShark?
Trick-or-Treating LandShark
Jaws II
Jaws III

So Jeff Bezos just patented calling the recipient to ask his mailing address or looking it up in the phone book.

I can see the phishing scams now.

"LandShark.com wishes to arrange delivery of a candygram gift to you. Please provide full delivery address and a time when someone will be available to answer the door..."

Obscure SNL "Land Shark" reference explained here:
What is a LandShark?
Trick-or-Treating LandShark
Jaws II
Jaws III

Please read and confirm The Decibet

Sadly, this story is more hype than fact. While the headline makes it seem like the robot is something you need insurance for, if you click through to the SF Chronicle article (and then scroll down a bit), you'll see that it was merely an accident, probably due to some bug in the navigation software.

You LIED to me!! You told me this was REGULAR COFFEE!! http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91fschiller.phtml

Mods? Hello? Doesn't anyone watch SNL anymore? Sheesh... http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88achangebank2.pht ml

Just don't confuse your new pink Roomba with the look-alike pink Woomba of Saturday Night Live fame.

Note to the technical gods:
I got this error when I tried to post this:
Slashdot requires you to wait 2 minutes between each successful posting of a comment to allow everyone a fair chance at posting a comment.

It's been 3 minutes since you last successfully posted a comment

This new Roomba DOES look surprisingly like the Woomba.

Who'd have thought that reality imitates satire?

...yet scientists keep building the damned things! Are you prepared for the inevitable?

Missed the reference...

"The Pepsi Syndrome"

Coke works too, any cola.

Not 7-Up, thats an Uncola.

The "Pepsi Syndrome" has been the scourge of nuclear power plants for decades.

Maybe they just believe Intel has to learn computers.

(obviously desperate for video version)

Sorry, I had to ask. On a more serious note, some of the responses you've seen so far are on the mark. You're an expense. If things worked the way they're supposed to, much of your expertise wouldn't be needed. If you're just troubleshooting, yea, you're the new version of the copier repair tech. Neither lawyers nor electrical engineers nor mid-level executives see you as their peer.

Worse, there has been a lot to dilute the view of computer professionals as _professionals_ lately, from the luster being knocked off tech by the dot-com bust, to an increasing number of posers ( think 'leetspeak' ) trying to pass themselves off as technologically knowledgeable, to a flood of certified MS/NET/CISCO/whatever folks who took a two-day class and paid for an exam but don't know how to _do_ squat, to an increase of good-ol' Amerkin anti-intellectualism. Call it a backlash if you will, but I think it's real. You can get respect now, but you really have to earn it, and you won't always get it even if you deserve it.

And you can put your weed in there!

Just had a flashback of Phil Hartman's "All-Drug Olympics" sketch from SNL (transcript). Anyone got the video?

Dennis Miller: In response to what its sponsors claim is an idea whose time has come, the first All-Drug Olympics opened today in Bogota, Columbia. Athletes are allowed to take any substance whatsoever before, after, and even during the competition. So far, 115 world records have been shattered! We go now to correspondent Kevin Nealon, live in Bogota for the Weightlifting Finals. Kevin?

Kevin Nealon: Dennis, getting ready to lift now is Sergei Akmudov of the Soviet Union. His trainer has told me that he's taken antibolic steroids, Novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon, and some sort of fish paralyzer. Also, I believe he's had a few cocktails within the last hour or so. All of this is, of course, perfectly legal at the All-Drug Olympics, in fact it's encouraged. Akmudov is getting set now, he's going for a cleaning jerk of over 1500 pounds, which would triple the existing world record. That's an awful lot of weight, Dennis, and here he goes.

[ Kevin steps aside to reveal the steroid-bulked athlete bent over to lift the 1500 lbs. weight. Sergei tightens his grip on the barbells and pulls up, but instead of lifting the weights, his arms are pulled off and blood squirts ferociously out of his pulpy stubs.

Kevin Nealon: Oh! He pulled his arms off! He's pulled his arms off, that's gotta be disappointing to the big Russian! [ Sergei's trainer wraps a towel around him ] You know, you hate to see something like this happen, Dennis! He probably doesn't have that much pain right now, but I think tomorrow he's really gonna feel that, Dennis! Back to you!

Dennis Miller: Thank you, Kevin. Very nice form on the Russian. Canada, of course, is leading that competition.

Is that so? I had wondered, because you bear a striking resemblance to Fred Garvin.

They are obviously talking about the right to be androgynous... how this is related to the iPod, I don't know.

Rockie nWood, caveman unfrozen from the depths of the Ice mountain 8 years ago. He attended law school ever since and successfully got in flow with our society.

Nah, his name's Cirroc: the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Is it actually coming back to this?


Although funny, I guess their was some truth to it. But the real question comes to whether this is good for the telecom industry or not. I guess so in ways, but I think that only time will tell. It is kind of sad to see what used to be the biggest names in telecom bought out, and possibly destroyed, especailly stuff like this.

I bet they didn't hear Evil Captain Kirk's speech in a famous Startrek Convention :P

Apple is BOTH a hardware AND a software company, and its success (as the article points out) is due to how good they are at integrating its two sides. For those who don't get the subject title (god, I'm getting old) here is the old Saturday Night Live script that explains it.

In an old SNL skit, Tom Hanks played the president of the "Guy who played Mr. Belvedere" fan club. The fans needed a secret way to refer to the Belvedere actor, so they called him "Broktune". Skit listing

(complete version found at: http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86hgetalife.phtml

William Shatner: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Trekkies.... ]

I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?

[ to "Ears" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?

[ "Ears" hangs his head ]

I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!

Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the movies?

William Shatner: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's....

[ Emcee argues with Shatner off-mike, shoves him, Shatner shoves back harder.... ]

Second Emcee: Uh... that was William Shatner, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you Trekkers that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, Orange, I believe. We....

[ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Shatner, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ]

William Shatner: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Captain Kirk" from um... Episode, um... [ Emcee whispers ] THIRTY-SEVEN... uhh... called... [ another whisper ] "The Enemy Within."

[ Trekkies get happy, applaud ]

William Shatner: Yuh, Yuh, so thank you... and, and... Live Long and Prosper...

[ Trekkies make Vulcan "peace sign".... ]

William Shatner: So everybody... set your phasers on stun, cause... THIS CONVENTION'S AHEAD WARP FACTOR NINE, Y'KNOW? RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WARP FACTOR NINE!

[ fade out ]

Get insured!

Get insured before meddling with the metal ones!

Reminds me of a skit I saw one time. I think it might have been this SNL skit. When asked how they would make money, the person replied authoritatively, "Volume." I laughed my ass off at that, it reminded me of Amazon (who wasn't making a profit at the time) and dot-coms who had no business model.