Slashdot Mirror

http://onion.com/1elc1ZO

Apropos

The upcoming MacBook has already been leaked.

Isn't April Fools Day just the best? =] For a 'full' list of sites pulling pranks today check out this list here

Here is a sample:

kellyosbourne.org - Sanctuary records group shut us down
nukefreezone.net - Making fun of atrios.blogspot.com
weebl.jolt.co.uk - Replaced with Cats-By-Mail
telecom.co.nz - Click 2 Brick
ytmnd.com - (NSFW) hacked by teens for christ
wingus.ampedhost.com - Site converted into Mingus' Gently-Used Furniture store. Oh dear. Why won't he be kind?
homestarrunner.com - Now a pay service.
whirlpool.net.au - Australia's biggest Luddite to head Australia's largest telco
thinkgeek.com - Fake product listings.
theregister.co.uk - Bush twins to join Air Force tech unit in Iraq
creativebits.org - Site purchased by Microsoft
ocremix.org - Now partnered with EA (or something like that). Called EA ReMix.
spacedaily.com - Bush Cancels Space Shuttle Program
planet.gnome.org - Switched sites with planet.kde.org
planet.kde.org - Switched sites with planet.gnome.org
ietf.org - RFC: Efficient Transformation Formats of Unicode
beejaysworld.de - Gentoo dropping livecds for x86
nature.com - Apollo bacteria spur lunar erosion
antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov - Water On Mars
smh.com.au - (Free Reg Req) SMEGmail offers 1 terabyte storage
smh.com.au - (Free Reg Req) Linux looks to Hilton for exposure
thetoque.com - Canada Builds Own Missile Defense Shield
onion.com - U.S. Dog Owners Fear Arrival of Africanized Fleas
chron.com - Bush Twins in Maxim
ask.com - Jeeves has been replaced by a robot
animenewsnetwork.com - Viz Unlicenses Naruto
uninventthewheel.co.uk - New BMW technology to get around the EU ban on right hand drive cars in Europe.
newgrounds.com - changing to numagrounds.com
neopets.com - neopets adds 50 new pets
www.firstloox.org - The Loox is being recalled
packages.gentoo.org - Adobe doesn't sell products for Linux
pc.ign.com - Microsoft World of Wordcraft (Extremely Obvious)
spamusement.com - Page full of spoof banner ads
gentooexperimental.org - Gentoo using the NT kernel
moddb.com

Download the torrent now!

There is only 1 reason why the very same drugs in the U.S. cost more, than they do in other countries such as Canada.

It has $hit to do with patent law, it has $hit to do with Canadas socialized health care, and has everything to do with the American Consumer is conditioned to essentially f'k themselves.

This the only country where people are conditioned to actually want to pay more for $hit, and drug companies know they can charge more here and people will still buy it, so they do. That simple.

F'k it oll about this R&D cost, patent cost, etc ... it's that consumers in U.S. accept greediness as a way of life, and somehow they think it improves the way of life in U.S. It's the only place where somehow the "have-nots" think that giving the "haves" and corporations tax-breaks will improve the "have-nots" standard of living, create jobs, etc ... believing more money for a corporation means they need to somehow expend it on creating more jobs? Last time I checked the point of a corporation was to make more money for it's share holders not give your lame a$$ a job. And if they do decide in the infinite benevolence of the corporation to create a new job, they are in fact going to give the guy half way around the world the job, who'll work for 2 cents an hour, cause prescriptions cost 20% less in their country.

Kind of same reason why the poorest states voted for Bush, as one satire read "Nation's poor wins election for nations rich", http://www.onion.com/news/index.php?issue=4045&n=0 &id=3895.
Machivelli would be proud, a system where the people believe f'king themselves improves their lives. Why are people frightened by a national healthcare system, dumb a$$'s we pay taxes anyway, atleast we get something in return for it? Seeing your tax dollars at work improving your quality of living, lowering the cost of prescriptions, especially for something so essential seems like most people would jump all over it. But nay I say.

Ugghhhhh ... I'm just dumb founded by it all. I guess it's the scare of communism, oh ... wait any moron wit half a whit understands communism and socialism are in fact two different ideas, where a state that is capitalistic (free markets) can be socialist and a state that is communist (planned economics) can also be socialist. Furthermore, how the h*ll did the states that actually recieve the most social aid, the poorest states, those southern states in the country go to Bush? Oh, wait, cause the average consumer in America is conditioned to f'k themselves. Pay, pay, buy, buy, ... feed the greed, feed the greed.

And that's why prescription drugs cost more in the U.S. That simple, nothing more to it. "In a word cause they can."

What about the great injustice over the Wikipedia "Weird Al" Yankovic entry?

For the tinfoil map brigade, i present this national outlook map

If at all possible, vote before work. That way, you can make smug comments to non-voters all day long.

The new electronic voting machines are complicated. But don't worry: Octogenarians will be on hand to troubleshoot any technological problems that might arise.

If your election official hooks you up to a machine via a needle in your arm, you are actually donating blood.

Tip for those on the go: Voting a straight ticket can save you up to 15 seconds.

Remember that, as a member of a participatory democracy, you have a duty to make your voice heard on Election Day. If you find that idea hard to grasp, think of it like the lotto: You can't win if you don't play.

Don't wear dress shoes. They leave black scuff marks on gymnasium floors.

Voting is no longer considered uncool. Note that it is not cool, either.

Many newspapers offer sample ballots. Buy 10 copies and practice, practice, practice.

Remember to vote, or P. Diddy will kill you.

This is one of the most important elections in recent times, so it's best if you just leave it up to the pros.

When voting, you don't need to dress up in a scary costume or hand out candy. That happens two days earlier.

You might think it's funny, but it's disrespectful to submit write-in candidates like "Don Knotts," "Mickey Mouse," or "Michael Badnarik."

Remember to take the day off to vote. And the day before, to psyche up. And the morning after, to dry out.

If you are black and a resident of Florida, work out two or three alternate routes to your polling place to avoid police checkpoints.

The most important thing is to vote your conscience.

Okay, this is your conscience speaking: "Vote Nader. Vo-o-o-o-ote Nader."

If you are a Flintstone, make sure to put the granite slab arrows-first into the dinosaur's mouth.

If you live in Florida, for Christ's sake, look at the ballot very, very carefully this time.

Education is the issue Americans say is most important. Find someone with one of those to read the ballot to you.

Keep in mind that the name of every person who votes against George Bush is going to be read aloud on television the next time we're attacked by terrorists.

If you don't know where the polling place is in your district, just try to remember the ugliest, dingiest, most depressing building in a three-mile radius. That's probably it.

Your argument would have been stronger if you pointed out the "good" things that republicans have done, or "bad" things the democrats have done. Frankly, I don't see much positive news in regards to republicans.

Would you give some examples?

I hate to sound biased, but I probably am. I just don't see how a rational person can look at the republicans and not see the ugliness.

So yes, you're right. There is a lot of news reporting negative things about Bush & Co. I mean, heck... even the onion has an article that is against bush.

Your argument would have been stronger if you pointed out the "good" things that republicans have done, or "bad" things the democrats have done. Frankly, I don't see much positive news in regards to republicans.

Would you give some examples?

I hate to sound biased, but I probably am. I just don't see how a rational person can look at the republicans and not see the ugliness.

So yes, you're right. There is a lot of news reporting negative things about Bush & Co. I mean, heck... even the onion has an article that is against bush.

Once again, the Onion captured idiotic school behavior on the internet well before real life did.

He doesn't need to. He does, however, have a one-point plan for better America.
:)

It doesn't matter what you think any more

I would have posted the Onion link but they went and hid all their archives unless you pay them money.

If you don't like it there's always the Onion. :P

This story is eminently newsworthy. See America's Finest News Source for similar stories.

yeah, like we're helping iraq do.

actually, those really are i's and o's. it's necessary since microsoft has patented ones and zeroes.

remember about the Edit by Moderator - Contents removed - Please see first message in this thread. actually having contents removed in the box, of course these newer contents removed also contain a free contents rmoved coupon. pretty nice if you are looking to upgrade for contents removed, will BB do return/rebuy on black friday if you buy now?

Here's a timely article from The Onion.

Yet, when other countries get their labor costs to be lower than those of the US, then Americans start complaining and want to impose taxes. Well, which is it? If the US can impose tariffs on Indian computer products, is the US willing to have tariffs imposed on US computer products by Europeans, whose labor costs are higher because of better social services?

I think this Onion article points out what really is going on: many Americans just can't deal with the fact that the rest of the world is different and actually likes is that way.

Are you this guy?

You write for The Onion, don't you?

This post brought to you by the numbers 1 and 0.

Okay, sorry buddy, but you gotta pay up now: Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes

ck this out -- hilarious. same topic.

http://onion.com/onion3847/bill_of_rights.html

You didn't need them anyway...

"Area girl friends with TV director's son, gets part in ad!"

Does this sound like an Onion article?

The Onion always make me laugh, not cry.

Otherwise it won't be long before this happens!

"It's criminal," RIAA president Hilary Rosen said. "Anyone at any time can simply turn on a radio and hear a copyrighted song. Making matters worse, these radio stations often play the best, catchiest song off the album over and over until people get sick of it. Where is the incentive for people to go out and buy the album?"

According to Rosen, the radio stations acquire copies of RIAA artists' CDs and then broadcast them using a special transmitter, making it possible for anyone with a compatible radio-wave receiver to listen to the songs.

"These radio stations are extremely popular," Rosen said. "They flagrantly string our songs together in 'uninterrupted music blocks' of up to 70 minutes in length, broadcasting nearly one CD's worth of product without a break, and they actually have the gall to allow businesses to advertise between songs. It's bad enough that they're giving away our music for free, but they're actually making a profit off this scheme."

RIAA attorney Russell Frackman said the lawsuit is intended to protect the artists. "If this radio trend continues, it will severely damage a musician's ability to earn a living off his music," Frackman said. "[Metallica drummer] Lars Ulrich stopped in the other day wondering why his last royalty check was so small, and I didn't know what to say. How do you tell a man who's devoted his whole life to his music that someone is able to just give it away for free? That pirates are taking away his right to support himself with his craft?"

For the record companies and the RIAA, one of the most disturbing aspects of the radio-station broadcasts is that anyone with a receiver and an analog tape recorder can record the music and play it back at will. "I've heard reports that children as young as 8 tape radio broadcasts for their own personal use," Rosen said. "They listen to a channel that has a limited rotation of only the most popular songs--commonly called 'Top 40' stations--then hit the 'record' button when they hear the opening strains of the song they want. And how much are they paying for these songs? A big fat zip."

Continued Rosen: "According to our research, there is one of these Top 40 stations in every major city in the country. This has to be stopped before the music industry's entire economic infrastructure collapses."

Especially distressing to the RIAA are radio stations' "all-request hours," when listeners call in to ask radio announcers, or "disc jockeys," to play a certain song.

"What's the point of putting out a new Ja Rule or Sum 41 album if people can just call up and hear any song off the album that they want?" Frackman asked. "In some instances, these stations actually have the nerve to let the caller 'dedicate' his act of thievery to a friend or lover. Could you imagine a bank letting somebody rob its vaults and then allowing the thief to thank his girlfriend Tricia and the whole gang down at Bumpy's?" Defenders of radio-based music distribution insist that the relatively poor sound quality of radio broadcasts negates the record companies' charges.

"Radio doesn't have the same sound quality as a CD," said Paul "Cubby" Bryant, music director of New York radio station Z100, one of the nation's largest distributors of free music and a defendant in the suit. "Real music lovers will still buy CDs. If anything, we're exposing people to music they might not otherwise hear. These record companies should be thanking us, not suing us." Outraged by the RIAA suit, many radio listeners are threatening to boycott the record companies.

"All these companies care about is profits," said Amy Legrand, 21, an avid Jacksonville, FL, radio user who surreptitiously records up to 10 songs a day off the radio. "Top 40 radio is taking the power out of the hands of the Ahmet Erteguns of the world and bringing it back to the people of Clear Channel and Infinity Broadcasting. It's about time somebody finally stood up to those record-company fascists."

here

basically, all of our feelings, summed up in one article

This is completely off-topic, but check out the Onion article on the RIAA:
Link.

Well that's absolutely great, but I think I can top you!

By eating nothing but pure lard, I've lost 300 pound in 2 days.

No, I'm not a troll... Just trying to point out something that everyone should know, but seems not to... DON'T BELIEVE IT JUST BECAUSE YOU READ IT ONLINE. Even if there doesn't seem to be an alterior motive (although the Protein Power link sure seems to be a good reason to make up a story on slashdot), it doesn't mean there is any truth to it at all.

Now go read The Onion. They always have the best weight-loss tips!

The Onion had a great spoof on just this very thing a while ago. Anyone else remember this? I could't find a link to the article.

(BTW, I agree with your points too...)

At least one powerful industry group is lobbying against anti-spam laws, so I guess it must work for them:

I'd have sympathy for them if they diden't BURN THROUGH $75,000,000.00. The debt load alone will kill them, and the fact that their crappy business skill with most likly take down The Well is a real bummer.

Not if The Onion falls on bad times then that will truly be a shame.

Eeeeeeuuuuuwww! The Economist says! The Economist says! I read The Economist! Aren't I cool? Aren't you impressed with me?

What do you read? Time? Newsweek? Those are for people who can't handle a real news magazine like the one I read. That's because you're not as smart or sophisticated as me.

On weekends, I like to sit out on my porch in my wicker chair with my bifocals and my subscription copy of The Economist. Then, when I go to a professor's wine-and-cheese party later that night, I can casually mention all the fancy stuff I read about NASA and Venezuela and Gen. Pervez Musharraf in my fancy magazine and impress everybody.

Question: Do you think I'm smarter than everyone else because I read The Economist, or do I read The Economist because I'm smarter than everyone else? Now, there's a conundrum! I should mail that one in to The Economist and see what they think!

Oh, no! My brain just got larger! Help! I need more knowledge to fill up the new brains! Get me the new issue of The Economist at once! I can't live if I'm even remotely unaware of anything that is happening in the universe! I must have my weekly issue of The Economist, or I risk de-evolving into the sort of mouth-breathing rabble by which I am surrounded daily!

I say, old chap, here comes Lord Smartingford of Braintonshire! Shall we dine upon a nice cup of tea, then? We can discuss the economy, and the global situ-AYYY- tion, and ever so many other matters! I am so very versed in such matters, reading as do I The Economist, just as soon as the postman delivers it by the estate, don't you know. I find that only the right cracking coverage of The E-CON-omist keeps me jolly-well informed and all that, wouldn't you agree? Mmm, yes, I did think you would!

The Onion

Jean Tisdale lives!! For the uninitiated, check out The Onion

Finally our onion gets some real competition (from slashdot).

The Onion has already come up with that idea, in their article "NASA and NASCAR merge". Unforunately, I can't find it in their archives :(.. I can remember a very funny photo of a space shuttle, covered with NASCAR-style ads, racing along with other cars.

If anyone has the link/cached version, I'd love to see it again.

First: read this and this.

Now: Don't you feel a little silly?

PS: Yes, I'm Pro-choice. I'm also anti-extremist.

First: read this and this.

Now: Don't you feel a little silly?

PS: Yes, I'm Pro-choice. I'm also anti-extremist.

No one lives in St. Louis

Microsoft already beat me to it! Damn! Damn! Damn!

Microsoft Patents Ones and Zero's

Grumpfish

They Might Be Giants Behind The Music Episode Lacks Sex, Drugs NEW YORK--The new They Might Be Giants episode of VH1's Behind The Music is devoid of sex and drugs, sources reported Monday. "Man, we haven't had that much trouble finding something juicy since the 'Weird Al' episode," VH1 senior vice-president Bill Flanagan said. "We can almost always hit paydirt with a band's groupies, but in They Might Be Giants' case, they're all 31-year-old computer programmers." The They Might Be Giants episode largely focused on keyboardist/accordionist John Linnell's harrowing early-'90s addiction to Tetris.

I dunno about anyone here, but I dun get my news from anywhere but the Onion. I think it is really important to read about land mark Supreme Court decisions that no one else cares to report about...did the NYT bother to mention that they rules 8-1 that Americans are unfit to govern...it seems not....

Ok, now that that is out, Katz seems to have written a good one this time. I find it for the most part true. I used to watch the news all the time when I was 10-14. I did it for the crave of information. Now that is what the Net is for, I get so much information each day I am happy. People wonder how I know all that I know. Also, to agree with a post way above, dun remember what it is, I watch the History Channel ALL the time. That stuff is so interesting and it is usually in a very easy to follow format, that you can pick up on 30 minutes into a show.

In the past, I never looked at the "boob tube" much. Other than watching the Weather Channel to check for storm advisories for Cincinnati, where my daughter Emily lives, I barely even turned the thing on. But with Harold gone two years this month and me not really trusting myself to take the bus to church anymore--not to mention the broken hip--let's just say I've had a lot of time on my hands. I can't even crochet or sew anymore because of the arthritis, so rather than just sitting in my blue chair staring at the wall for hours, I've started to look at the TV.

Lately, the highlight of each day is when I tune in to see what's going on in the lives of these Golden Girls. It's such a nice escape to be able to step into this wonderful world where older women wear stylish clothing, say lots of clever things, and, judging from the way they are always on the go, have no problems with bursitis, high blood pressure, or hemorrhoids.

The Golden Girls have a lovely Florida home with a full patio and breakfast nook, and they go on vacations and take dance classes together. Sometimes, I try to imagine what it would be like if their house had one more bedroom, and I lived there. Though I don't think it would be appropriate to date at my age, I would very much enjoy the companionship of some good friends. I would readily agree to do all the housework if it meant I had someone to talk to once in a while. And if I fractured my hip, I would have the assurance that I wouldn't have to lay on the floor in pain for three days, waiting each day for the mailman's footsteps so I could cry out in the hopes of getting his attention.

Of course, living in a house full of women is bound to cause some tension, especially when everyone has such different personalities. Sophia is grumpy and always has some smart-alecky thing to say. (At first, I didn't like her much, but I soon saw that even she has a soft side. Besides, you have to be tough growing up in Brooklyn.) Dorothy, Sophia's daughter, inherited her mother's mouth and is the unofficial leader of the gang. Blanche, a wild Southern belle, is quite the narcissist. Rose, on the other hand, is sweet and dim-witted. She reminds me of my dear sister Lydia, who passed on last year. Sometimes, one of Rose's silly remarks about small-town life brings me to tears, making me think about how much I miss my one and only sibling, who is gone forever.

The Golden Girls often get mad at each other. At times, they even resort to calling each other nasty names, using words I don't think one should be able to say on television. But at the end of the day, they always find a way to patch things up and become the best of friends again.

I sure wish I had some friends living close by. Ruth, my best friend of 51 years, is in a home down in Emmetsville. I haven't seen her since Christmas of 1997, and at that point, she didn't recognize me or her own children anymore.

My, it looks so sunny and beautiful down there in Florida. It's terribly cold up here. I'm so frightened of catching pneumonia like Harold did, I hardly leave the house during the winter anymore. I signed up for Meals On Wheels last month, and most days, they drop by with something to eat, so I don't have to turn the stove on anymore. (I accidentally left the gas on last December but, luckily, the neighbors smelled it and pounded on my door.)

I do get jealous of the Golden Girls, how they have each other. But I need to remember that it's not all cake and ice cream for them. They've had to face some very difficult situations recently, like when Dorothy found a lump in her breast, and the time Blanche found out that her late husband had fathered an illegitimate child, and when Rose was cut off from her husband's pension. But by sticking together, they're able to face even the worst. As for me, I am left to face the world alone.

please visit me at my site

-Taco's Mom

I normally approve of trolls, but you offend me.

(1) The correct spelling is "wiener".
(2) The joke was stolen from The Onion.
(3) Your rendition is not even funny.

Try again loser.