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ELAINE: Yeah. Why not Susan. I should be friends with Susan. (smacks
her forehead with hand) Of course! Susan! Oh! OK, I’ll see you
guys. Huh. (rushes out the door.)

KRAMER: That's gunna be trouble.

JERRY: Why?

KRAMER: Jerry, don't you see? This world here, this is George's
sanctuary. If Susan comes into contact with this world, his world's
collide. You know what happens then?

(Kramer raises his hands into the air and slowly brings them together in
an explosion. He's holding some food in one hand, so when his hands
come into contact food flies all over)

KRAMER: Ka shha shha shha Pkooo (exploding sound)

source

Buckminster Fuller devised a system (called Dymaxion sleep) where he slept a half-hour every 6 hours, sleeping 2 hours in a day. That gives an amazing 22 hours a day to do stuff

This is all well and good until you end up in a bag in the Hudson River http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheFriarsClub.html

in the form of a classic Seinfeld episode, The Abstinence.

Vorstein? Slice of life?

Jerry: Hey, you're not giving it to me, man. What's wrong?

Kramer: I just took a bath, Jerry. A bath?

Jerry: No good?

Kramer: It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth.

All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me.

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheShowerhead.htm

Psst! ObsessiveMathsFreak! Do the Irish know about shrinkage?

If you wonder why people (esp. Americans) insist on referring to Ukraine as "The Ukraine," I believe the answer lies with the Parker Bros. board game "Risk". Their wikipedia entry http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Risk_(game)#Territories doesn't say this, but I'm pretty sure older boards had a space that was not called Ukraine, but "The Ukraine". Corroboration from Seinfeld: http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheLabelMaker.html If you're wondering if Americans learned geography from any source more reliable than a board game, well, you already know the answer.

They just liked "Seven". It's got cachet up the yin-yang!

Gammy! Gammy!

No, no. He needs a new Johnson rod in there.

First up: Ukraine! Ukraine is weak.

Also, the producers' work will be viewed by thousands of people, and probably reviewed by tens of professionals and might reach production company managers, who may hire them for their next movie...

I hate to be negative, but I can't see some producer saying, "Gosh, these radical dudes really did a great job undermining the reason why I'm able to get million dollar paychecks. I think I'll hire them to do my next movie. And I'll pay them millions even though they have argued that file sharers shouldn't have to pay into this pool."

It's all well and good to stick it to the man. Just don't expect the man to be so impressed by your stick-to-it-tiveness and hire you immediately. Those kind of things only happen in Seinfeld .

Actually, no, I take that back... I recall an episode of Seinfeld where they demonstrated the converse (at least in men...)

You obviously didn't spend your childhood watching Seinfeld.

We never should have landed a man on the moon. It's a mistake. Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. I can't believe they could land a man on the moon . . . and taste my coffee! I think we all would have been a lot happier if they hadn't landed a man on the moon. Then we'd go, They can't make a prescription bottle top that's easy to open? I'm not surprised they couldn't land a man on the moon. Things make perfect sense to me now. Neil Armstrong should have said, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for every, complaining, sob on the face of the earth. "

"Death Blow: Where someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether."

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheLittleKicks.htm

Can I interest you in the Mansiere (tm)?

The Outing:

Jerry: There's been a big misunderstanding here! We did that whole thing for your benefit. We knew you were eavesdropping. That's why my friend said all that. It was on purpose! We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that...

George: No, of course not...

It's said 11 times, or so, in the episode.

Of course, as any Seinfeld fan could tell you, it still won't be a meal...

She didn't like my essay either. It was about how he used to dip his bald head in oil and rub it all over my body.

obligatory Seinfeld quote:

Jerry: "Dad, I'm sorry."
Morty: "You should be! How could you spend two hundred dollars on a tip calculator?!"
Jerry: "It does other things!"

"It appears to be a rat-PDA, and a poorly-made rat-PDA at that."

Maybe slashdotters already knew about this but I found this website http://www.seinfeldscripts.com./ It appears to have the full text of transcripts from every episode. This is fantastic...IMO one of the big reasons for "Seinfeld"'s success was the quality of the writing; toward the latter half of the show's run some of the episodes could legitimately be considered literature in the high-falutin' sense of the word.

JERRY: Well, come on George, I'll help you push it across.

GEORGE: Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of something. I can do this.

JERRY: By yourself?

GEORGE: Jerry, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life.

George pushes the machine onto the street. From a view in the sky, we see him dodging cars, hopping back and forth into lanes of traffic. Frogger music and sound effects play.

SHLOMO: He looks like a Frog.

SLIPPERY PETE: So do you.

George makes it across just as a huge truck comes barreling down the street. George tries to get the Frogger onto the sidewalk, but can't. He futilely sticks his hand out trying to stop the truck which honks. George jumps out of the truck's way and onto the sidewalk as the Frogger is smashed.

JERRY: Game over.

Chewie and Yoda were apparently aquaintances and yet the Wookie never mentioned this to Han, or if he did, despite the trust between the two of them, Han didn't consider it to be a reason to believe in the Force.

To borrow a quote from Seinfeld: "Ah, it's probably like Smith over there."

Are you sure it wasn't an electronic organizer?

You've never heard of this?

AH HAH!!!! _NOW_ I know how I can sue the popup makers! They're making me CLICK to close their darn ads! When the jury sees my RSI-victimized hands, I'll surely win the case.

(And no, my name is NOT Kramer)

no problem. refer here for instructions on how to move a game cabinet while retaining high score.

>I don't think someone can be held responsible for inaction

Tell that to Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine

Robber: Alright fatso, out of the car.

Kramer: I want to capture this.

Robber: Come on! Gimme your wallet.

Victim: Don't shoot.

Jerry: Well, there goes the money for the lipo.

Elaine: See, the great thing about robbing a fat guy is it's an easy getaway. You know? They can't really chase ya!

George: He's actually doing him a favor. It's less money for him to buy food.

Robber: I want your wallet. Come on. Come on, come on.

Jerry: That's a shame. Alright, I'm gonna call NBC.

Victim: Officer, he's stealing my car! Officer, I was carjacked. I was held up at gunpoint! He took my wallet, everything!

Jerry: Okay, thanks anyway. They can't get another plane.

Kramer: All right, what's wrong with the plane we got? They're just checking it out.

Elaine: Forget it.

Jerry: No, no, no. We're not getting on there. Come on, let's go get something to eat in Sticksville.

Officer: All right, hold it right there.

Kramer: What?

Officer: You're under arrest.

Jerry: Under arrest? What for?

Officer: Article 223-7 of the Latham County Penal Code.

Elaine: What? No, no - we didn't do anything.

Officer: That's exactly right. The law requires you to help or assist anyone in danger as long as it's reasonable todo so.George: I never heard of that.

Officer: It's new. It's called the Good Samaritan Law. Let's go.

I could happen....

In that episode George is denied an apartment because one of the other applicants is a survivor of the Andrea Doria (a ship that collided with the Stockholm in dense fog 21 miles off the coast of Nantucket ; thank Kramer for that info ;) )

Whereas the story told by the other applicant is supposedly true, George, in his pissed-off-ness, bagatalises the whole situation.
Bit from the transcript :

KRAMER: (Like a teacher) The Andrea Doria collided with the Stockholm in dense fog 21 miles off the coast of Nantucket. (Makes a clicking sound with his tongue)

(Everyone's taken back by Kramer's knowledge)

GEORGE: How do you know?

KRAMER: it's in my book - "Astonishing Tales of the Sea" 51 people died.

GEORGE: 51 people?!

KRAMER: That's it?! I thought it was, like, a thousand!

KRAMER: There were 1,650 survivors.

GEORGE: That's no tragedy! How many people do you lose on a normal cruse? 30? 40?! Kramer, can I take a look at that book? (Starts walking toward the door.)

(Kramer grabs his food, and follows)

KRAMER: Oh yeah. I also got "Astounding Bear Attacks"

I bet that's how some of the turned-down applicants to Guildhall must have felt ;)

I don't think Brody is going to like this new development!

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheLittleKicks.htm

your imaginations might be right.

Or perhaps a mango?

In the episode "The Abstinence" George Costanza becomes a genius when he stops having sex.