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ON THE CORRUPTION OF THE CHURCH OF THE SUBGENIUS

The Church insists that each member construct his or her own
mythos and liturgy, if she/he hasn't already. The Church states
that any and all existing Church liturgy (which includes anything
said by any SubGenius anywhere) can be contradicted, rewritten,
and/or ignored. IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE TABLETS!

Commandment 1: The rest of these Commandments are bullshit.

Commandment 2: Commandment 1 is nonsense.

Commandment 3: See Commandment 3.

Commandment 4: Don't break commandment 5.

Commandment 5: Don't read commandment 4.

Commandment 6: Commandment 2 is especially bullshit.

Commandment 7: See Commandment 3 again. Who told you to stop?

Commandment 8: Commandments 2 and 5 are to be reversed.

Commandment 9: Write Commandment 10.

Commandment 10:

"Easy Street" and eternal salvation is only $35 away when you have Slack!

The Church has an app worth $5B? Praise "Bob"!

[Tap here to pull the wool over your own eyes]

Slacking isn't just a way of life; it's a religion. We are everywhere.

Yah, like the Church of the Subgenius. I'll even give them a link to the web site, so they don't need to spend two years looking for it: http://www.subgenius.com/

How much time have the FBI and DHS wasted investigating The Jihad Against Barney?

TV news once confused it with an actual jihadi website ("jihad" vs "jehad") and sent people to the address. TJAB got a large volume of hate mail from people who visited the website, saw the logo of crosshairs on Barney the Dinosaur, and still went through the contact form to yell at the roleplayers. Fun times.

Captcha: heathen

Yah, like the Church of the Subgenius. I'll even give them a link to the web site, so they don't need to spend two years looking for it: http://www.subgenius.com/

All hail Bob! All hail Bob! https://youtu.be/Qt9MP70ODNw http://www.subgenius.com/

What, no happy face Microsoft Bob button?

Microsoft Bob and and Jimmy Hoffa have left us by similar means, one digital and one analog, I'm afraid, but we were able to incorporate Bob's essence --- the packaging material of the Kit is comprised of 100% recycled encrypted Bob! . While we strive to include at least "a Bob's worth in every Kit"... due to variations in manufacture and settling part of him is missing or arrived too late, so you'll need to purchase five or more kits to ensure you have a whole Bob.

The decryption key for Bob was not provided to us, but there are rumors that the Russians and Chinese have cracked it and a reconstituted corrupted version of Microsoft Bob was used to infiltrate the Office of Personnel Management.

If your package has been tampered with or Microsoft Bob is smoking a pipe... you have "weaponized Bob", and your product has been contaminated by Slack from this divine pre-Windows entity. Please return the product for a full and cutaneous refund.

The World Ends Tomorrow and YOU MAY DIE!

"Bob" has all the answers to questions you never even thought to ask!

THE CONSPIRACY!

The idea that America (or any country) values individuality as the highest ideal is a myth. Perhaps in simpler times it was true, but no MODERN industrial society can really afford a population of unpredictables. This is not surprising -- the long history of our cult's persecution by the Conspiracy goes back for generations untold, and indeed there are signs of their hoary repression of prehuman SubGenii dating from BEFORE "man's" appearance on Earth. All of civilization's painful and misguided climb up from the primeval slime, and its subsequent loss of Slack AND OF ANY CLASS AT ALL, has been indelibly marked, nay, ENTIRELY MOTIVATED, by the aeons- bridging conflict between the Conspiracy's mindlessly chickenshit Witless Principals and the Jehovah-spawned, grandiose depravity of the superior yet ethnically all-encompassing race of latent SubGeniuses. (You should know this -- YOU WERE/WILL BE THERE IN THE BEFORELIFE!) The fact that only in recent years has "our kind" begun to recognize our own sovereignty demonstrates both how vicious have been Their efforts at further denying us Slack and yet now near is our race to TRIUMPH.

All this is ULTIMATE PROOF that Jehovah 1 has not only promoted the SubGenius as His Special Tool, but has SIMULTANEOUSLY pulled the strings which make THEM endarken Themselves with their hereditary ignorance AND US with their cubistic witch-hunt superstitions. His "reason" for this two-faced obedience-school programming, this fissioning of history into binary "war equations," unfortunately, or, perhaps, thankfully, remains at total mystery.

But Jehovah 1 is not alone in His cosmic meddling, for Earth has been periodically visited for thousands of years by BENEVOLENT ALIENS of such technical and psychic superiority that their powers, while no match for Jehovah's, are nonetheless nothing short of "Godlike" to we roaches, the Human Race. These BENIGN SPACE MONSTERS, the "X-ists," have walked among us throughout history, investigating and sometimes resisting the subatomically-pervading presence of Jehovah 1. We are not, then, alone in our battle/subservience. The rise and "fall" of Atlantis, the erection of the Pyramids and other monuments which NO SLOPEHEADS ALONE COULD BUILD, the miracles of the Old Testament, all these and more are events so inextricably interwoven with the invisible background war between Jehovah and the Xists that all the "Ancient Astronaut" fossils in the world furnish only the barest of clues. (The movie rights ALONE to these gut-splitting tales of reincarnancient history are worth MILLIONS!) Yea, it has even been suggested that the Carpenter of Nazareth himself, God Jr., Jesus 'What, Me Worry?' Christ, was in actuality a 'space detective' of the Xists, walking the Earth in human form with the mission of extricating us from the Monster God's grip.

The black shadow of the Conspiracy, unfortunately, has seen to it that even His teachings were diluted and distorted until human attempts to follow them were fully as misguided as the carving of the heads of Easter Island or the 'runways' of Nazca.

And so the true history of the SubGenius has been kept secret from Man. For Jehovah 1 is to the Xists and Us what a hungry fisherman is to a prize fish and his favorite pet worm - the last in the can. How many million other races were used before us in these ghastly galactic water-sports?

UNTIL NOW!!

For YOU are lucky enough to "live" in the End Times when the Word of Jehovah's Prime Ordinance has been made known to "Man"kind by the Primanimal SubGenius, the High Epopt of the Church!

In the early Fifties an industrious young American drilling equipment salesman, while watching late-night TV, was abruptly REMOVED and transported astrally to the 'IDGE' of JEHOVAH 1 HIMSELF! In this s

The World Ends Tomorrow and YOU MAY DIE!

"Bob" has all the answers to questions you never even thought to ask!

THE CONSPIRACY!

The idea that America (or any country) values individuality as the highest ideal is a myth. Perhaps in simpler times it was true, but no MODERN industrial society can really afford a population of unpredictables. This is not surprising -- the long history of our cult's persecution by the Conspiracy goes back for generations untold, and indeed there are signs of their hoary repression of prehuman SubGenii dating from BEFORE "man's" appearance on Earth. All of civilization's painful and misguided climb up from the primeval slime, and its subsequent loss of Slack AND OF ANY CLASS AT ALL, has been indelibly marked, nay, ENTIRELY MOTIVATED, by the aeons- bridging conflict between the Conspiracy's mindlessly chickenshit Witless Principals and the Jehovah-spawned, grandiose depravity of the superior yet ethnically all-encompassing race of latent SubGeniuses. (You should know this -- YOU WERE/WILL BE THERE IN THE BEFORELIFE!) The fact that only in recent years has "our kind" begun to recognize our own sovereignty demonstrates both how vicious have been Their efforts at further denying us Slack and yet now near is our race to TRIUMPH.

All this is ULTIMATE PROOF that Jehovah 1 has not only promoted the SubGenius as His Special Tool, but has SIMULTANEOUSLY pulled the strings which make THEM endarken Themselves with their hereditary ignorance AND US with their cubistic witch-hunt superstitions. His "reason" for this two-faced obedience-school programming, this fissioning of history into binary "war equations," unfortunately, or, perhaps, thankfully, remains at total mystery.

But Jehovah 1 is not alone in His cosmic meddling, for Earth has been periodically visited for thousands of years by BENEVOLENT ALIENS of such technical and psychic superiority that their powers, while no match for Jehovah's, are nonetheless nothing short of "Godlike" to we roaches, the Human Race. These BENIGN SPACE MONSTERS, the "X-ists," have walked among us throughout history, investigating and sometimes resisting the subatomically-pervading presence of Jehovah 1. We are not, then, alone in our battle/subservience. The rise and "fall" of Atlantis, the erection of the Pyramids and other monuments which NO SLOPEHEADS ALONE COULD BUILD, the miracles of the Old Testament, all these and more are events so inextricably interwoven with the invisible background war between Jehovah and the Xists that all the "Ancient Astronaut" fossils in the world furnish only the barest of clues. (The movie rights ALONE to these gut-splitting tales of reincarnancient history are worth MILLIONS!) Yea, it has even been suggested that the Carpenter of Nazareth himself, God Jr., Jesus 'What, Me Worry?' Christ, was in actuality a 'space detective' of the Xists, walking the Earth in human form with the mission of extricating us from the Monster God's grip.

The black shadow of the Conspiracy, unfortunately, has seen to it that even His teachings were diluted and distorted until human attempts to follow them were fully as misguided as the carving of the heads of Easter Island or the 'runways' of Nazca.

And so the true history of the SubGenius has been kept secret from Man. For Jehovah 1 is to the Xists and Us what a hungry fisherman is to a prize fish and his favorite pet worm - the last in the can. How many million other races were used before us in these ghastly galactic water-sports?

UNTIL NOW!!

For YOU are lucky enough to "live" in the End Times when the Word of Jehovah's Prime Ordinance has been made known to "Man"kind by the Primanimal SubGenius, the High Epopt of the Church!

In the early Fifties an industrious young American drilling equipment salesman, while watching late-night TV, was abruptly REMOVED and transported astrally to the 'IDGE' of JEHOVAH 1 HIMSELF! In this s

Apparently Dr. Bronner is a broadband advocate now.

The Subgenius Foundation, is SERIOUSLY the only hope you pink nerdlings have of avoiding the Stark Fist of Removal, becoming a God of your own pleasure planet, and having unlimited SLACK! http://www.subgenius.com/
We are the ONLY religion to offer salvation for only $35 U.S. or DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK! http://www.subgenius.com/scata...
You get:
          Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x11 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead/Church Logo Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker, Bumper Sticker
The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online / SCRUBGENIUS secret forum
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

The Subgenius Foundation, is SERIOUSLY the only hope you pink nerdlings have of avoiding the Stark Fist of Removal, becoming a God of your own pleasure planet, and having unlimited SLACK! http://www.subgenius.com/
We are the ONLY religion to offer salvation for only $35 U.S. or DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK! http://www.subgenius.com/scata...
You get:
          Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x11 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead/Church Logo Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker, Bumper Sticker
The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online / SCRUBGENIUS secret forum
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

Lastly, Middlemen provide slack, and options for the supply chain.

I knew it! Bob Dobbs was a holy Middleman all along.

Slack is essential.

http://www.parl.gc.ca/Content/SEN/Committee/371/ille/library/Spicer-e.htm

Here's one that gives it a little background. Look down around; 3.Ancient Near East A. The Sumerians

The origins of my sig can be found at http://www.subgenius.com/

> I seem to recall the major feature of any electronic calculator was the ability to write 80085 and make your classmates giggle.

Isn't it 8085?

If your calculator can show "Bob"s, that's pretty cool.

But,even with no Glenn Beck, there IS a conspiracy.
http://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos_logs/Hour_of_Slack_1233.html
A little retro smile for my slash buddies.

Agreed, this is monday morning and I just watched the video here in the u.s.
I've seen video slamming the tenets of just about any major religion and several obscure ones.
No reason Islam can't suck it up just like everyone else.
How many movies cover the Inquisition? The Crusades? Bad Buddhist Kung Fu? Make Hindi Gods into animated villains? Show faithful anywhere to be subversive and evil in the name of good?
Suck it up and quit acting like children and the world will stop treating you like children. Keep it up and get spanked.
Hey, that's not a threat, that's nearly a physical law of the universe.
No one asks you to go along with the flow of the world, but if you stand against it, you stand against the world. You stand the chance of an ant to a steamroller, a drop of water in a volcano, an undercover cop at a rap show.
This is all so unecessary for everyone. A peaceful solution for all can be found at http://www.subgenius.com/ .

But the Church of the Subgenius. http://www.subgenius.com/ does pay taxes and want to make YOU rich! Not just that but we also have a deal with YHVH1 and a group rate for the "divine excuse" that Christians have to dedicate everything to achieve. All we ever pay is $35 to Bob and we get boundless SLACK and so much else.
Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x11 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead/Church Logo Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker, Bumper Sticker
The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online / SCRUBGENIUS secret forum
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

Plus we are the ONE TRUE flying saucer RELIGION. With that in mind you can rest assured that $cientology is just a secret money making scam. We make no attempt to conceal anything!

And since it's ending, I'll offer the opportunity once again; http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm

For only $35 U.S. you get:Pamphlets #1 & 2
Your Own Personal 8x11 suitable-for-framing DOBBSHEAD
Official Dobbshead/Church Logo Metal Pin
Dobbshead Sticker, Bumper Sticker
The SubGenius Pledge
The Divine Excuse (signed by "Bob"!)
(WHAT OTHER RELIGIONS CHARGE ALL WORLDLY GOODS FOR!!!)
Doktorate of Forbidden Sciences
(be a Doktor INSTANTLY. Incredible, sinister super-miniaturized fine print details all the scores of Church Ranks and Titles from which YOU can CHOOSE. Signed by... "Bob")
Propaganda flyers to copy, Stickers
Wallet sized, SubGenius MINISTER'S CARD
(Without that card you have NO HOPE on July 5th!!!)
Minister's Ordination papers and instructions.
The STARK FIST of Removal online / SCRUBGENIUS secret forum
(they're full of rants, art, Prescriptures, doctrine, charts, filth, comics, reviews and CHURCH NEWS & CONTACTS)

But best of all, we back what we say, like no one else can. Eternal salvation or DOUBLE your money back!
Don't wait for some bureaucracy like some boring Tri-Lateral commision to save the day through population elimination and controlling world bank. Has it worked so far? Bet on them frying with the pink boys when the shithouse goes up in flames.
Don't spend your time worrying and making a bunch of useless preparation. Send in your $35 and end up with your own "pleasure planet" and live like a diety.

Not a problem just send in your $35 to Bob and be spared this and countless other ordeals enumerated on Slashdot daily!
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm
Eternal salvation or double your money back! And that's only the beginning of what can be done with contracted consciouslessness. Websurf the luck plane!
See the overmen and pink fools as they are without x-ray specs. Own your own reality!
Don't be surprised to find that solar flares are actually beneficial and life giving, not threatening, unless... of course... you didn't send in your $35.
Then you will be fried like snot in a McDondalds deep fryer with the other pink boys.
Just moments of your time and a small token to start living like a God!
Tough decision, pay Bob or fry......

If the problem is that porn sites are more heavily monetized, that means the religions need to catch up. They could offer all kinds of services online for a price -- even eternal salvation.

Some religions already offer this, of course. Looks like a good deal to me!

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Church Of SubGenius

How strict are your criteria? Would a classified ad qualify? In that case, you may wish to purchase the Very Well Built Electro Sea Plane with Paddle.

Also please note that "tremendously" means "tremendously".

"If you don't have a sense of humor, don't try to be funny."

- Pope David Meyer, Church of the SubGenius

.

I'm confused. So they were on the Ark or what?

No, you're making a joke about the sort of myths that piss people off.

The correct myth about the Oxygen Catastrophe of 2.5-2.8 Ga ago, of course, is the one recorded in the sci-fi short story written on behalf of my preferred cult: Bob and the Oxygen Wars :)

Like this?

That's weird, because it took me until the end to realize that it wasn't intended to be a joke (though that makes it a unique combination of funny and sad.) If you really want something that seems like religious satire and actual is I recommend you hear the word from the followers of J. R. Bob Dobbs.

That's not how you play a Theremin, this is how you play a Theremin! (NSFW)

It's really cool, all I have to do is post and instantly I have a cast of volunteer secretaries to correct syntax, research, and post supporting links.
      See what happens when you send Bob $30, the slack just starts pouring down on you.
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm

My favorite example of a prediction retroactively corrected (albeit more tongue-in-cheek than most) is the Subgenii, who, when the world didn't end in 1998, decided that they'd gotten the date upside down! The correct date, they now proclaim, is 8661. :)

(Actually, they apparently now have end-of-world celebrations every year, just in case, but I remember when the 8661 date was on the front page of the Subgenius website, and that date is still commemorated in the ddate man page as above, and is mentioned in lots of related material.)

Ironically, the page you linked to includes the original Subgenius date with no commentary on either the nature of Slack, er, Bob, er the CoSG, nor any mention of the updated 8661 date.

Freedom without restraint is chaos...

And restraint without freedom is fascism. Last week's Hour of Slack had a jarringly coherient monologue done by Joe Paulino that reminds me of this. It starts about 14 minutes in.

Besides, not publicizing this information amounts to security through obscurity. Nowadays, all security experts with any credibility consider obscurity to be the opposite of security, at least with respect to computer systems. If a vulnerability exists, some malware author will find it, no matter how many nooks and crannies need to be poked into. Even if there are million nooks and crannies, it's easy to automate the search!

I gotta wonder at the reliability of an author who insists on using his affiliation with a quasi-satirical religion as if it were a professional qualification!

I also find it very scary that I have to read 900 pages to become properly acquainted with just one particular kind of malware! Hmm, maybe you do need to be a Dobbshead to deal with that.

Somebody needs some Slack.

And what happens when everybody with the name of Bob is deemed statistically dangerous to society?

Well, my life sure as hell gets a lot more interesting...

Would you mock a 1000 page book with a knock-knock joke, or another 1000 page book equally ridiculous? I'd prefer to mock something with some depth with something of equal depth. The Book Of The SubGenius, The Hour Of Slack Radio Show, real-life events with real-life weird people -- all things FSMism doesn't offer.

So let's start a parody-religion war!

Slackware is for those who know what their sins are.

My sins are all approved.

From the "Bob" Apocryphon:

1. Puma Suckling
2. Dancing whilst fondling one's crotch
3. Unrepentant Urination
4. Wog Dalking
5. Guilt Toting
6. Penis Painting
7. Nixon Nonvoting
10. Bunsen Burning
24. Douche Gargling
25. Rabbit Rooting
28. Piss Walloping
40. Premarital Saxaphoning
53. Fangle Twangling
62. Flexohallucinating
68. Boner Honing

Yup, I'm good.

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/answers/revxouts5.html

For a finite investment, you get an infinite return. You have a guaranteed return on your investment.

You don't know that. That's the whole point.

Hey - some religions do guarantee triple your money back!

But hey, don't let the tenets of MY PERSONAL FAITH get in the way of your petty jokes....

Well, my personal faith says, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." So, yeah, I won't let the tenets your faith get in the way of my jokes. Priorities, man, priorities. I mean, have you ever even actually READ the Book of The SubGenius?

an InterPol, when we have S.P.U.T.U.M.?

For more information, see The Church of the SubGenius.

Is J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, the icon of the Church of the SubGenius and a fixture on the Internet as long as there's been one. Many are the followers of the SubGenius.

This huckster's appropriation of Smilin' Bob for his advertising is itself subtle worship and as such, could be protected speech. Of course getting caught is a cardinal sin in the huckster's ethos so perhaps he's excommunicated.

In protest we should all donate to Rev. Magdalen's Legal defense fund because she's worth it even if this twerp isn't.

Don't forget, there's a conspiracy of NORMAL PEOPLE trying to steal your slack and preventing the aliens from rescuing all SubGenii on July 5, 1998.

See http://www.subgenius.com/ for more details!

Scientist 1: "Hey everybody! I have a new theory! Wanna hear about it?"

Scientist 2: "Sure! Golly gee whiz I'm always excited when there's a new theory in town. What is it?"

Scientist 1: "I think that since everything was created as a result of something else, being a reaction, event, or otherwise, that there has to be an original creator!!"

Scientist 2: "Wow! How did the creator get there?"

Scientist 1: "I don't know, but that isn't important now. What we need are some good hard evidence. Especially so we can explain how us humans got on earth. I mean, those crazy evolutionists don't even have EVERY PIECE OF THE PUZZLE yet! Even though they are finding more answers in physical evidence and test results year after year, it's obvious they are only going in the wrong direction. This is proof that they believe in Darwin; such blind faith."

Scientist 2: "Hey - I agree, completely agree. Hey! Speaking of evidence, I found some the other day, that goes beyond Jesus Christ, that invisible man who I gave my soul to! Her name is Gaia, and she was the one who originally created the earth!"

Scientist 1: Are you crazy? Where is your empirical evidence?? I think I am on a better track than you. I think I have evidence that the universe was created by two gods, Quetzalcoatl and Tezcatlipoca who attacked and ripped apart Hungry Woman to create the universe. Where did I leave those notes..."

Scientist 2: "Ah HA! But look at what I found.. *reads notes* That the universe was created when Papa and her husband Rangi hugged and bore children, and were subsequently separated by their son Tane who let light shine between them!!! The Moriori knew it all along!"

Ok, you get the point. Personally I like the FSM. The rules aren't as threatening as most religions, and it doesn't discriminate. But, even though there may be more evidence against it, I must follow my blind faith in Bob. Why? Because that is the least financially risky religion. "Eternal Salvation or TRIPLE Your Money Back!"

Scientist 1: "Hey everybody! I have a new theory! Wanna hear about it?"

Scientist 2: "Sure! Golly gee whiz I'm always excited when there's a new theory in town. What is it?"

Scientist 1: "I think that since everything was created as a result of something else, being a reaction, event, or otherwise, that there has to be an original creator!!"

Scientist 2: "Wow! How did the creator get there?"

Scientist 1: "I don't know, but that isn't important now. What we need are some good hard evidence. Especially so we can explain how us humans got on earth. I mean, those crazy evolutionists don't even have EVERY PIECE OF THE PUZZLE yet! Even though they are finding more answers in physical evidence and test results year after year, it's obvious they are only going in the wrong direction. This is proof that they believe in Darwin; such blind faith."

Scientist 2: "Hey - I agree, completely agree. Hey! Speaking of evidence, I found some the other day, that goes beyond Jesus Christ, that invisible man who I gave my soul to! Her name is Gaia, and she was the one who originally created the earth!"

Scientist 1: Are you crazy? Where is your empirical evidence?? I think I am on a better track than you. I think I have evidence that the universe was created by two gods, Quetzalcoatl and Tezcatlipoca who attacked and ripped apart Hungry Woman to create the universe. Where did I leave those notes..."

Scientist 2: "Ah HA! But look at what I found.. *reads notes* That the universe was created when Papa and her husband Rangi hugged and bore children, and were subsequently separated by their son Tane who let light shine between them!!! The Moriori knew it all along!"

Ok, you get the point. Personally I like the FSM. The rules aren't as threatening as most religions, and it doesn't discriminate. But, even though there may be more evidence against it, I must follow my blind faith in Bob. Why? Because that is the least financially risky religion. "Eternal Salvation or TRIPLE Your Money Back!"

Tm

I'd swear I'm listening to the Subgenius Hour of Slack, reading this post. Stang likes to toss sound collages with similar content into his show all the time. Get creative with that, and see if he'll publish it for you.

Who says crazy isn't a religion??
Hell, it's the best religion money can buy!

Bob would be proud.

tm

No point in dyin tho.
You got a bad attitude.
You go ahead and rot.
I get my own SEX PLANET to be the God of.
If he hasn't seen your $30, you're still "Pink" to "Bob."
You don't know enough to be a pessimist boy.
http://www.subgenius.com/
Eternal Salvation or Triple your money back. I dare any other flying saucer religion especially "Church of Scientology" to make an offer like that.
They can't because its just bullshit cooked up by a moron who couldn't write decent sci-fi or hold his drugs.*poofter*

There is only one true Bob !!

Slack on my brethren...

Yes there is a wikipedia article. No I won't link to it.
Some say believers were never meant for mass consumption. Too weird to live, too rare to die.