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They would probably be happier if we didn't intentionally paralyze them first!

From The Onion:

World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

December 8, 2004 | Issue 4049

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND--Nearly 700 scientists representing 27 countries convened at the University of Zurich Monday to formally announce that their experimentation on mice has been motivated not by a desire to advance human knowledge, but out of sheer distaste for the furry little rodents.

For people not to see to it that a link to The Onion was posted would be a crime against comedy.

but Zoe's Radio has got to be one of the better ones, she RJs very well for someone so young:
Podcast feed: http://webjay.org/by/iancr/zoe5c27sradioshow.xml

Then let's not forget the (supershort but funny) Onion Radio News.

When BSG's on air, Ron Moore's podcasts are also good listening.

Are you sure this isn't from the Onion? :)

I have to disagree on this one point. Too many models with those kinds of proportions...and too many girls that I see with those kinds of proportions tomake the above statement true. Is it the majority of women, no (what a shame), but there are plenty of women who fit this body mold. Nothing is wrong with it. It has always been the case - a minority of the population have a certain look that everyone drools over, and others in the population want to degrade that because they do not have it.

As opposed to Distributed Denial of Service, DDoS, which is when all the girls you know conspire not to give you any.

You mean like this guy?

Ghandi never struck me as the kind of guy who trashtalks others. Well you learn something new everyday, I suppose.

And for up-to-the-minute, insightful news and commentary from a highly reputable and credible source, I highly recommend this site. It is almost as credible as physics911 when it comes to political conspiracies and those who thrive on them.

It's unbelievably sad that you're so desperate to show your hatred for the Bush administration that you'll consider physics911 to actually be credible when several other sites, not the least of which include Snopes, have debunked these ridiculous conspiracies numerous times.

The above poster (lol, reporter - as if _that_ lends you any credibility), also has other theories, in case you're interest:

Conspiracy Theorist Has Elaborate Explanation For Why He's Single

Actually, the first thought in my head after watching this clip was a particular Onion article.

You act like there was no way for the witter to write a underage sexual orgy without resorting in softcore pornography. The truth is, the witter made the choice to illustrate it that way. There are also many places for softcore porn writers to do their thing, like Cinemax pretty much all the time.

This is simply another producer setting aside standards to increase viewership. They wanted to push the bar; they should take the personal responsibility for doing so.

Poverty-Stricken Africans Receive Desperately Needed Bibles

MARADI, NIGER--More than 60,000 urgently needed Bibles arrived to allay suffering throughout the famine-stricken nation of Niger Friday, in one of the largest humanitarian-relief operations ever attempted by a Christian ministry.

the third world needs more of this...

Oh, do you mean, like this?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30263

But seriously, Super Mario has already spoken out about the inhumane act of placing randomly swinging blades in videogames.

Seems like you could use some PharmAmorin, dude.

Bird flu is a diversion from the REAL killers. Not to worry though, the feds and local governments are on top of this stuff.

Life imitates The Onion: New, Delicious Species Discovered

From The Onion
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Drinking Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
July 28, 1999 | Issue 3526

BALTIMORE--A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University have found a link between the consumption of dog urine and the decreased likelihood of heart attacks, team leaders announced Tuesday in cracking, uneven voices.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29429/print/

Or, see the onion's take on it: I Can Write 600 Words About Anything

It appears that something similar occurred over Florida mid-December.

Here's the article

LS

Five Blades !!!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

From the world's leading authority on News:

ACLU defends Nazi's Rights

Sometimes comedy speaks more clearly than reason or religion.

Oh, and you get the Godwin's Law points for being the first to mention Nazis*.
*(I think the neo-Nazi's also count for Godwin's Law).

Screw that. I want 25 blades on my razor, baby! I always want another blade, even "if it's mounted on the handle perpenticular to the others."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

Thread over.

Political Correctness has decided that Islam and Muslims are always "victims". If you question, ridicule or sometimes plain don't observe their religious traditions and rules, you're an "islamophobe" (or even a "racist", when PC has gone extra haywire).

Thus it's not only OK but desirable to make fun of Christianity, Hinduism, $cientology or whatever.

Also, I guess that Yahoo aren't having any genuine and well-founded fear for violent acts in the name of religion from professionally "offended" Christians or Hindus, in contrast to Muslims...

You're telling us you've never heard of George Clinton and the P.Funk?
You need to get out more!

White House Debuts Iraq War Infomercial

What ever happened to the good old days when people would make simple rocket nozzles by hand and call it good?

Big bucks college scholarships happened. Parents know a good project might get their kid "seen" by a top college, getting them in and maybe a scholarship (a top school could run $200,000 these days).

• International Science Fair, a kick-starter for ideas
• Fun Science
• A piece about putting the learning back in science
• What you don't want to happen

While it's easy to think of examples of most of these, I'm curious about including gays in the list. I can't recall ever hearing any gays try to force their views on others, except in the silly sense that they advocate a "live and let live" policy, which hardly qualifies as forcing anything on anyone. My wife and I (;-) have a number of gay friends, and we've never heard anything like this from any of them. Unless you consider objecting to assault or murder as "forcing their views on others".

I have seen some of the obvious parody, of course But what gays have ever seriously advocated forcing their "lifestyle" on others?

• Trip once (it's never as enlightening or fun as the first time)
• Serve in the military
• Avoid TV (and the news) for a couple of years

This is just the final step in their plan. Once they switch to Windows they don't need to write software anymore since there is already plenty of Windows software out there. And since they have now switched to Intel chips and there are already plenty of computer manufacturers that sell Intel based systems they don't have to make computers anymore.

After they sell off their iPod division they can call it quits just like Dell did: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27850

Makes me think of the game http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43441 on the onion again where you move crates around. The only game that promises to have no influence on kid's behaviour...

You know things are bad when you come across a parody and you stop for second and check to be sure they are not really serious.

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades.

A prophetic interview with the CEO of Gillette, two years before they introduced their "Fusion" model. NSFW words.

And, as usual, The Onion is way ahead of everybody: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five

D'oh!

I mean...uh...he's talking about blade servers, obviously.

For those not familiar with the original: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

We need new Republican scandals badly...

I don't think you want to add anymore to the flood. The American people are positively drowning in them. It's gotten so bad, well it had to happen.

After patenting ones and zeros Microsoft wants control of black and white, too! It's all part of a devious plan to control the universe.

"After weeks of fighting for every pixel of ground and seeing 180 degrees of carnage in every direction, you start to wonder if it's really worth it..."

      http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44458/

Ack, bad link to our evil plans. Lets fix that.

"seriously tasty" according to reports

Once again, The Onion Predicts The Future.

Take, for instance, your average microwave which can cook an egg in about two minutes. It has a magnetron that operates at roughly 2.5 GHz, at 700+ watts inside of a reflective faraday cage. While the egg is inside of the microwave, the radio waves emitted by the magnetron cause the water molecules inside to change orientation in sync with the polarity of the wave passing through them. This vibration results in friction, which creates heat, and in turn cooks the egg (or whatever other food is inside of the microwave). This affect is amplified by the fact that the microwaves are contained inside of a metal chamber which prevents them from escaping and helps to redirect them into the food.

Though some cell phones operate within the same frequency range of microwave ovens, they have a maximum (regulated by law) output of 6 Watts. This wattage, combined with the fact that the output is not contained within a localized area, means that the microwaves emitted by the cell phones would have a hard time even penetrating the shell of the egg, let alone cooking anything.

Furthermore, it is important to note that cell phones do not communicate directly with one another. When a call is made, the caller's phone signals the tower which contacts the second phone. All communication between the two phones is done through the tower. The two phones communicating between one another is made irrelevant by this.

Lastly, the if one explores the source site (Wymsey Village Web) for this page has the motto of "on the nick of the cutting edge of rural parody" and bills itself as a humor site. Taking stories from a site such as this would be just as foolish those things written on sites such as Something Awful, the onion, or Pointless Waste of Time. This only shows that one must always question the validity of ones sources, no matter how enticing or appealing their content may be.

It is somewhat disheartening to me that this would be covered on slashdot as factual information. I am bothered even more, however, by the fact that so many of my peers have readily accepted this as a fact even though it has an obvious air of incredulity.

It's nice to see our government working to make this vision a reality.

The bad part of this trend (act -> identity) is that gay people are themselves victims of their own propaganda. The Onion got it spot on with their satirical article. The gay community is so anxious to be given equal rights that they're actively labelling themselves. They are no longer regular people who have sex with same-gender partners. They are people who have sex with same-gender partners who also happen to have jobs, etc.

Just as I don't walk around telling everyong I prefer brunettes to blondes, I don't walk around telling people I prefer women to men for sexual relationships. It's a private part of my life. While important to me and whomever I am going out with at the time, it is no-one else's business. I also have a job, I go to the gym, and have a number of hobbies. There is plenty of other, non-intensely personal subjects on which to discourse.

Why people can't keep their sexual lives to themselves is a bit of a mystery. You wouldn't think it would be that hard . . .

My favorite news outlet was reporting on this like 7 years ago.

Truly, the cyberdump was heralded long ago.

From that article:

Scoscia noted that "Number 2.0," as Silicon Valley insiders have dubbed it, will be cross-platform compatible and fully 2K Flushes compliant. In addition, he said, it will feature significantly wider, more comfortable bandwidth to accommodate even the most massive user download.

I already wasted karma on this discussion, but I need to reply since the marketroids and clones are dominating this discussion.

In game advertising is fucking evil. Why the fuck would anyone want to see ads in a game. Urban setting - need billboards to give it that gritty hopeless edge? Racing game player needs something to look at while turning left? You dont need fucking bullshit advertising to make a game. Games are played for entertainment, for relaxation, to get away from all of the bullshit in real life. Advertising is all about generating and cultivating desire, turning simple gimmicks into wants and wants into needs. You dont need some ad to suddenly popup and tell you that your life is shit because you dont have some shiny new fucking product, you are too fat and smelly, you have too much hair or not enough, maybe you need a date or a mail order bride. Graphics card too slow to move at all when this 500MB texture is loaded - time for an upgrade.

Anything portrayed as advertising in games should be value added content. Show me something original, something enjoyable, a satirical billboard ala the onion or like the 50's style government propaganda in fallout or doom3's Super Turbo Turkey Puncher.

Anyone who says that real advertisements make a game more enjoyable are probably the same people who pay for fucking cable tv and watch the home shopping network.

I wont play any fucking games with ads. I wont play if you give the game away for free. My spare time is worth way too much.

Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.