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I think you mean Michael Griffin? :)

As you can see, http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30630, the Onion is once again predicting Future Science...

Maybe they were thinking about Stacker.

There is always the Smashing Monkey Collider (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30420)

When will they make a pacman movie starring Richard Gere?

Definitely within the next 50 years.

We need more non-violent games like Stacker -- a first-person vertical-crate-arranger guaranteed not to influence young people's behavior in any way. Check out the screen shots. Awesome graphics.

Wiley's law is just the tip of the iceberg that shows just how fractured and inconsistent the so-called "Theory of Gravity" is. Intelligent falling provides a much more complete and scientifically based explanation than any secular gravatist could hope for:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

And yes -- this post is a JOKE folks.

All the problems with the Theory of Gravity are addressed by the Intelligent Falling theory.

Gravity is an unproven 'theory' and as such shouldn't be given any more weight or teaching than other theories such as Intelligent Falling

If you learn political ideology from the Daily Show, you are an idiot.

I used to joke that I got all my news from The Daily Show, Doonesbury, and The Onion, but it's not really true. I actually do learn things from these, but mainly I like them because I am well informed about the news.

My alarm clock is set to NPR at 6:00 a.m., and I continue to listen to it during my commute. I read at least the headlines in my local paper and the New York Times every day, and of course, I read Slashdot obsessively. At least for me, the reason I love shows that make fun of the news, like The Daily Show, and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is because I am liberal, intelligent, educated, and informed.

On a side note, and totally seriously, I'm not trying to troll, can you recommend a conservative pundit that isn't an idiot? For instance, I read the comic strip Prickly City which seems to me to have a conservative slant. Sometimes it aggravates me, but I keep reading it because sometimes I agree with it, and sometimes it's worth it to see another person's point of view. All I know about conservative pundits is O'Reilly, and Limbaugh. I agree that it's not worth it to listen to idiots. I think Al Franken took the wrong tack by trying to bring his views to their level. So, I would like to see conservative arguments presented intelligently, even humorously. Maybe I would enjoy them too.

Sean Penn Demands To Know What Asshole Took SeanPenn@gmail.com

Jonathan Green? Is that you?

4. Stop fingering my wife

Robot soldiers? This must be to counter what North Korea has.

The must have already gotten to it! http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40076

I tried to take it seriously, but the only thing I can think of while reading this is this article.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31502

Obligatory Onion link.

Unfortunately, Microsoft has beaten you and patented 1 and 0.

I can't really remember the last time I bought a game, because I don't need to for gameplay. And I haven't bought a new video card for 5 years. Because I don't need to for gameplay.

You're like the guy who goes around mentioning that he doesn't watch TV, only for you it's games.

You have a point, in that a game should stand or fall on its gameplay rather than how pretty it looks. No matter how much you dress up chess, if you don't enjoy the actual game you're not likely to find something like Battle Chess much more than a novelty. I guess there's a certain truth if one were to argue that any gameplay element that exists today can be replicated in text mode, but with richer visuals comes the ability to have all the tried & true gameplay presented in a way that is really engaging.

Are you Jonathan Green?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30374 New Solar System Discovered Four Feet From Earth September 25, 1996 | Issue 3007 PALO ALTO, CA--In what is being hailed as the most significant find in the field of planetary astronomy in decades, astronomers at the Palo Alto Observatory on Monday identified a new, previously unknown solar system approximately four feet from the Earth's surface....

Is this you?

I mean, seriously. Mentioning that you don't use a cell phone, then mentioning that you don't use IM either. Don't you realize that nobody cares what you don't use?

H-Dog, is that you? ;)

http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/ko rnfeld/

I would like to point out that theories of gravity by means of particle/wave thingies are by no means proven. I call bullshit - this phenomenon is clearly too complicated to be understood by us mortal humans, and must be the work of some great almighty, all-seeing being, ie God, or the Intelligent Designer. Let's hear it for Intelligent Falling, the theory that God helps things, planets, and even individual atoms to fall to their correct places. Here's my proof:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512

Brynjar

p.s. A new requirement from Paradise Gate Security just got called in. Absolute belief in Intelligent Falling is now required for Paradise entry - and those that refuse to belief might also be shocked to see what happens if the Great Lord decides to turn off gravity for the heathen :D

Area man constantly mentioning that he Doesn't own a Television

Breaking news! People conducting surveys report other people freely giving away personal information! That could be an article from http://www.theonion.com/. Shocking. Call it a "wishlist" not a "voluntary survey about what you like" and it's an amazing invasion of privacy.

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

As usual, The Onion has anticipated this and mocked it for you. One of their better pieces, of late.

At least Chrysler is doing something.

You're right:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

Weaned yourself off the glass teat?

Where have I seen you before?
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

Every year The Edge asks over 100 top scientists and thinkers a question, and the responses are fascinating and widely quoted.

Reminds me a bit of Area Stoners Mistakenly Hold Massive Kemp Rally.

But that is only my opinion. I don't do podcasts either though I can see where those could be useful. Of course I don't listen to portable music so they don't help either.

Is there anything else that you don't do and want to share? Nobody cares.

i dunno, i feel like north korea's got the upper hand here...

It's true!

This is not news.
It's been done before, and it's been done better.
^_^

There seem to be two points here that have been covered too many times already.

The first is web site design. Kirk (no relation) complains that you can't scan or skim on news websites, but a lot of sites have designs that approximate this. The Onion has on its front page headlines, and about a paragraph of text. Just go through this page and you're scanning.

The second issue is pay vs advertising. Peoples opinions seem to be divided on this. Everyone curses NY Times online for requiring registration, but several people have already commented on this article saying "I'd gladly pay, just get rid of the ads". Well, you have to have one or the other, and whichever method an online news site chooses, someone's not happy about it.

In any case, these issues have been covered before, and it looks like this is just another blogger making up fluff-filled articles to try to wring out some revenue from his site. I wish this non-news wouldn't make it past the Slashdot editors.

The Onion

More information on intelligent falling.

We just have to see what the voice of http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43189/print/i ndex.html god has to say

I bet Jack Thompson will reveal at the shareholder's meeting that that ultra-boring box stacking game that is designed not to influence kids in any way has a secret easter egg box cutter level, and then all hell will break loose in teh board room.

... after Take-Two's latest game?

( Yes, I realise The Onion's articles are a joke, which is why I'm hoping for a funny mod ;) )

You sound familiar. Are you Jonathan Green?

As usual, the Onion has a helpful perspective.

And in other news, Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television!

I can just imagine the newspaper report: Scientists report more numbers than previously thought.

That's an Onion worthy headline!

the russian government is still a few years behind the U.S.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43014