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Internet Spring Cleaning
We've had an important notice, that simply had to be passed on; for those who've seen it before, revel in your old-sk00l style:
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be
shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning
process, which eliminates dead e-mail and inactive ftp, www and gopher
sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm (GMT) on
March 31st until 00:01 a.m. (GMT) on April 2nd. During that 24-hour period,
five powerful Internet-crawling robots situated around the world will
search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do
the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet
connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the
Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users,
and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be
more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the
Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam. We
thank you for your cooperation.
The article has changed. It is now correct English, but it *was* gibberish before. Do you think he did it on purpose? (to make everyone who complains look foolish?)
In Addition, add appromxiately two cups of epson salts into the cold, soapy water. As well all know, salt is a conductor of electricity, and increases the efficiency of the system bus well over 30%.
whutchu talkin' bout hemos?
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LEAVE IT UNPLUGGED FOR AGAIN? 2HOT4U2@AOL.COM
Vorsicht Vorsicht Vorsicht
Dumkopher, dieser ist einer
Amerikanisertaglisherwortspiel. Eine
grosser einmaenner ist nach su hauser
mit *BRILLO* waschen deiner PC tastatur.
Der orangensaft auf dein frustuecke ist
farht im internet.
Das ist mir wuerst... Es tut mir leid.
DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM MERCH 31st 23:59 pm (GMT)
UNTIL 12:01
em (GMT) EPRIL 2nd.
*** Ettenshun ***
It's thet teeme-a egeeen! Es muny ooff yuoo knoo, iech yeer zee
Internet moost be-a shoot doon fur 24 huoors in oorder tu elloo us tu
cleun it. Zee cleuneeng prucess, vheech ileeminetes deed imeeel und
inecteefe-a ftp, vvv und gupher seetes, elloos fur a better-vurkeeng
und fester Internet.
Thees yeer, zee cleuneeng prucess veell teke-a plece-a frum 23:59 pm
(GMT) oon Merch 31st unteel 00:01 em (GMT) oon Epreel 2nd. Dooreeng
thet 24-huoor pereeud, feefe-a pooerffool Internet-crevleeng rubuts
seetooeted eruoond zee vurld veell seerch zee Internet und delete-a
uny deta thet zeey feend.
In oorder tu prutect yuoor felooeble-a deta frum deleshun ve-a esk
thet yuoo du zee fullooeeng:
1. Deescunnect ell termeenels und lucel erea netvurks frum zeeur
Internet cunnecshuns.
2. Shoot doon ell Internet serfers, oor deescunnect zeem frum zee Internet.
3. Deescunnect ell deesks und herdreefes frum uny cunnecshuns tu zee
Internet.
4. Reffreeen frum cunnecteeng uny cumpooter tu zee Internet in uny vy.
Ve-a understund zee incunfeneeence-a thet thees mey coose-a sume-a
Internet users, und ve-a epulugeeze-a. Hooefer, ve-a ere-a certeeen
thet uny incunfeneeences veell be-a mure-a thun mede-a up fur by zee
increesed speed und iffffeeciency ooff zee Internet, oonce-a it hes
beee cleered ooff ilectruneec flutsem und jetsem. Ve-a thunk yuoo fur
yuoor cuupereshun.
Foo Leeng Yoo
Intercunnected Netvurk Meeentenunce-a Steffff Meeen
Brunch, Messechoosetts Insteetoote-a ooff Technulugy
Sysups und oozeers: Seence-a zee lest Internet cleuneeng, zee noomber
ooff Internet users hes groon dremeteecelly. Pleese-a esseest us in
elerteeng zee poobleec ooff zee upcumeeng Internet cleuneeng by
pusteeng thees messege-a vhere-a yuoor users veell be-a eble-a tu reed
it. Pleese-a pess thees messege-a oon tu oozeer sysups und Internet
userthees messege-a oon tu oozeer sysups und Internet users es
vell. Thunk yuoo.
Sure you can. Start at midnight GMT, but wherever it is 2am. Go from north to south cleaning that timezone for one hour, then move to the next. Since this process takes 24 hours, might as well go timezone-by-timezone (roughly). This could easily be accomplished with PHP or Python.
Nah, this www.petsbymail.com thing was pretty cute, and it got some animal-lovers mailling lists. It was made legitimate by alleged radio commercials, and today we see it was brought to us by KDWB (wherever that is). Ah radio, the infallable medium. Makes me wonder how many people want to go to Spatula City during Rush's broadcasts.
I don't see any links to the old page, but it said something like, "Nearly all of our animals survive the shipping process. If yours arrives dead or injured, simply return the carcass and receive a full refund." And the usual, "opening April 1."
-----
[Science] is one of the very few things that raises human life a little above farce and gives it the grace of tragedy.
Well, no, if you've ever seen an NT box recover from a crash, you should know how false that is.
1) It isn't all journaled, just the metadata.
2) If it doesn't need much "Fscking", then... Mommy, what's that blue chkdsk-lookin' thing on boot-up?
I don't know what you could do to clean up an NT machine, but I'd like to see it. Maybe Windows 2000 will be the big answer to your problems. ("Wait for the upgrade"...)
---
pb Reply or e-mail; don't vaguely moderate.
pb Reply or e-mail; don't vaguely moderate.
Fuck! Shit! FUCK!!!
Stating on Slashdot that I like cheese since 1997.
Why did Slashdot change the article description? This happens all the time it appears. Is it that DIFFICULT to leave a note saying the description was changed??????
Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun.
For a rather alarming conspiracy story involving
linux and the sex industry, see salon.com.
The title is:
How Bill Gates and Richard Mellon
Scaife used large, firm breasts to
destroy Linux!
The threat is alarming, to say the least.
No, we can't have submitter karma, because we wouldn't hear from JonKatz ever :)
again... whether or not we had the box checked to do so.
--Ben
--Ben
Sorry, I don't do no spring cleaning on April Fools' Day.
Muchas Gracias, Señor Edward Snowden !
"so all the people in here...don't look like they're crazy."
Maybe *that* was the joke.
I see even classic Slashdot is now pretty much unusable on dial up anymore.
There should be an international contest to determine which country has the most clueless bunch of ppl. Sorry, but I can't help myself: USA! USA! USA! Ahh, sir do you know what you are cheering for? Answer: Yeah! USA is number one! (Note: I'm an American).
Your user info indicates an Aussie. I would have to think that any hoax there would be a takeover of one of your sacred icons by either us Yanks or by the Brits. BTW, do you have any available Olympic tickets for sale? I'm rich and a corporate leader in your country. (Sorry for this troll :-)). Thank god you won the America's Cup. Once again, I couldn't resist.:-)
So you understand that Australians and New Zealanders are from different nations, do you? You're obviously not really American then . . . :)
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
--Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
C'mon guys!! Why slate Hemos for havin' a sense of humour?? I'd not seen this jest before, and it gave me a damn good laugh...
If you think it's lame, that's your choice.. A sense of humour isn't the same thing for everyone.. Welcome to the big wide world of human diversity!!!
I liked it, and I'm damn sure a load of others did too...
The day you all prove you've got a better sense of humour, rather than trying to bust up someone who's just trying to bring a smile to someone else's face, I'll listen. Now, just quit griping, and think of something funnier to add...
Malk.
I invoked the garbage disposal routines, now I can't find my windows directory.. Anyone got any clues on this one??
--
if you find Hemo's spewing up an old joke with a hick accent funny.
:(-+
I guess it is the disappointment talking--I was hoping for something a little more exciting. So far, nobody has done anything big.
This sig is false.
I guess April Fools just now means making yourself look like a fool, and not trying to fool *other* people anymore.
/. about a week ago, culminating in one big "just kidding" tomorrow. Oh well, I guess we get Hemos sounding like a fool instead.
Personaly, I was kind of expecting some kind of proposed radical change in
This sig is false.
Is your .sig about programmers or Hemos?
IFTU
----
Celebrate the finer things in life
Skeezix writes, "What in the name of all that is holy are you blathering about, Hemos? And why did you change the story back to English?"
----
Celebrate the finer things in life
I think we should have a Slashdot option to view all comments encheferized. That would really improve readability in some cases.
Come on people what's this flaming Hemos thing today? April 1st is supposed to be fun!! Not to be about flaming people for whatever reasons...
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear"
Anybody have a cached copy of the old one?
_________________
rooooar
But honestly, Hemos, you really did ruin the joke. First of all, you told us it was an april fools joke, which ruined any chance it had. Second, you put the foot icon up there, which had the same effect. Maybe if you had used the "announcement" icon and taken a more serious approach it would have been funnier. But then again, if that happened we would all just sit around going "that is so lame," so maybe you should just ignore April Fool's Day. Even something clever like "CmdrTaco died" would be so obviously a joke that it wouldn't even be worth it. But I really think this was one of the sorriest jokes I've ever seen.
_________________
rooooar
It is exactly what the company I work for did to celebrate new years this year.
And, yes, I do know how to spell ferrite. I think.
I changed the DHCP server in the office to point the DNS of all the workstations a linux box running DNS and Apache.
Then I created records for all the TLDs.
I then copied Networksolutions home page and added a notice that the net was down for Y2K testing.
Any DNS lookup returned a spoofed networksolutions.com and a notice that the net was down for Y2K testing.
The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison
I don't know about you, but the fact that the CNet story yesterday here had that mentioned wasn't very nice... Oh well.
Thank you! Here I am reading all the bitches and trying to find the bad grammar. I read and re-read the article and just didn't get it.
They said the same thing about Andy Kaufman before he died. Maybe it's just that the cancer gene and the psycho comedian gene are related.
Someone at /. just changed the article to one that had better English. Don't know where the old one went.
-Michael [Remove two parts of address to mail me]
The beauty of this whole message :)
(and the above addendum
is that if enough people did this,
the internet _would_ actually clean up
for 1 day. Of course, how many million
suckers^H^H^H^Hpeople would that require?
Then, I look around me...
I think we've got enough.
-Slackergod
(wishing I had something more insightful to say)
April 1st is the start of the new fiscal year for the Government of Canada.
(No, I don't work for them... directly.)
It's an April Fools Joke! Look at the department it came from! Ha! Can you believe it? Hemos just cracks me up sometimes. I haven't laughed this hard since the summer of 1905.
Shoot, now my dentures are coming loose
What the hell? Is it supposed to be that badly written, or is Hemos drunk? Can someone provide a translation?
Nice try guys, but heard that one before a couple o years ago. (And ICQ get it ebery year?) Mind you there's always someone who falls for it
-- This is an expression of my state of mind, and almost definately not of any worthwhile opinion.
I think, therefore, ken_i_m
Oddly enough, I haven't heard the word "gay" used that way much since, uh, middle school.
--
No more e-mail address game - see my user info. Time for revenge.
Win dain a lotica, en vai tu ri silota
All your users should be instructed to tape over any holes on their computers that could cause the computers to be susceptable to password lossage.
"If it is broken, fix it. If it is fixed, improve upon it. This becomes one helluva cycle."
Hmmm, did you run this through the dialectizer?
It's a pretty neat thing to play with. Looks like he either set it to redneck or to idiot!
Happy playing!
I am the penguin that codes in the night.
Speech, music, pictures, video, and even smells can be represented digitally.
Is <schwing!>Kathy Ireland</schwing!> not attractive because you only have a digital representation of her and not a Real Live Clone?
Is 'I love you' devoid of meaning if said over a telephone?
Is 'Fuck you, I'm going to kill your dog' not menacing because you got it via ICQ?
No. I must say his post was gay. The poster was as well, but only in the sense that the 'gay' as used in the phrase '<something> is gay' implies nothing about sexual orientation and everything about the user's lack of intelligence.
.sig: Now legally binding!
I remember seeing a User Friendly link of the day that pointed to the grammerizer about a year or so ago. Looks like someone too this piece of venerable spam and grameerized it. My particular favorite way to grammerize was the french chef (de Bork Bork)
Open Source Identity Management: FreeIPA.org
The chkdsk lookin thing on bootup checks FAT drives.
yep
agreed to both of you.
hemos is a moron
did anyone think this was funny?
did anyone even read past half of it?
i know i sure didn't, especially not to number one.
dork.
Of course, Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker were always throwing in background sight-gags during a scene. I wouldn't be surprised if, while this was being said, something was going on behind them.
IIRC (which I probably don't), this was said as a list of things "never" to do in a movie, some of the others being "Never talk directly at the camera" and... I forget. Go rent the making of Airplane. The point being, all the rules were broken in their films.
It occurs to me that this joke would work better when 4/1 falls on a weekday.
It also should've been posted earlier in the day, so I could've forwarded it to others. Now most people won't check their mail until Monday.
Ehh, screw it. It wasn't that funny anyway. I'll just send them some pr0n instead.
Any sufficiently advanced civilization is indistinguishable from Gods.
I just reread the article slowly, and either i'm missing it or i can't imagine hick + computers, please show me somewhere where it hicky, like.
Only dead fish swim with the stream...
Yes, it is lame, and the hick-style writing was not originally part or it. Hemos kinda wrecked the joke because it is not believable any more.
Hemos:
It would have been funny if it was written in standard English, because it would've actually fooled people, which is what April Fools Day is all about
No comment at this time
This was a funny April Fools joke. The gramatically incorrect language was not how the joke has originally told.
But, Hemos decided to mess with the joke even though he really isn't funny. Now the joke sucks.
Tip to Hemos: April Fools' jokes are supposed to be believable. Hick-style language is not believable. Now it is not a joke, but a pathetic excuse for one.
I know this will be moderated down, but it had to be said.
No comment at this time
You mean to tell me that there wasn't one other possible shread of anything on any subject that could have at least ended March 31 with dignity? Shit.
Incidently did that originiate from a someone at aol?
Slashdot social engineering at it's finest
Yeah we did the same thing at the old paint factory today to kill all the bad spirits.
So being bored,I sent some new-hires after
a 5-gallon bucket stretcher so we could fill
to 5 1/4 gal. U.S.
Every dept. they looked in sent them to
a different dept. till they wound up across
the street and were directed to the fourth
floor.
Yup, it was a 3 story building but that
didnt keep them from looking for the stairs
for 5 minutes.(rednecks are fun,just wind em
up and they just hack away at it.)
I love the occasional slow day at work and to
further be rewarded with my own chain of fools,
Bob has surely filled me with Slack.
*Repent!Quit Your Job!Slack Off!The World Ends Tomorrow and You May Die!
Considering someone posted it on the April Fools article (but that had correct spelling).
If this is going to be a properly maintained Open Source joke, we need to do things right. This joke patch should have been sent as an email to the joke's maintainer, who is then the one responsible for including it in the next point release of the joke. This kind of activity could easily lead to joke forking. Before you know it, there would be two completely incompatable versions of the joke floating around -- look at what happened with the "forward this email to all your friends and Bill Gates will send you $10,000" joke. There are so many versions of it that none of them are funny anymore. This is the sort of thing that gives Open Source a bad name in the stand-up comic community.
Now withdraw this patch from circulation before we send ESR after you with a posse.
And the brethren went away edified.
I've got 02:35 GMT over here -- guess I was late.
--
--
E2 IN2 IE?
[root@slashdot /]# rm -rf /
/]# userdel hemos
/. to backpack around Europe for a year and smoke weed in Amsterdam or something, then just put up a little notice on the 1st with "April Fools!".
or maybe just
[root@slashdot
Sorry, but that was just fucking stupid. As others have stated, it would have been cool to report a week or so ago that Taco would be quitting
Oh, well, subtle jokes are perhaps to much to hope for in this day and age of bad stories and humorless moderators.
Last year, (I was working at Torun District Heating Plant, then) I posted an advertisement about new breakthrough method of Internet access we developed in cooperation with Danfoss (manufacturer of lots of heating equipment). This was internet access thru city-wide heating network. The best part, is, I got a lot of queries about avaliability of this tehcnology...
Just a comment here
Even if this was supposed to be serious, it was posted at 2:06am GMT April 1, 2000 (0206 GMT, 01Apr2000)...
I guess from the UK on East is screwed here... :)
This is a such an awesome idea. We should tell more people about the "internet cleanup". It would be the single most glorious day of bandwith freedom on the planet.
;)
I am all for it... because of course its necessary
--jay
Thank god, the Internet is going to be cleaned... I hope all these flame go away too...
et les Shadoks pompaient...
That was part of my original post (the fsck that the NT installer did for you).
yeah well neither do Reiser, ext3, etc.
And even with journalling, there's still the chance of corruption (media corruption, buggy fs code, virii, etc.). This is true with all oses with journalling.
The problem is that everyone is too lazy to make a real patch, and instead just make random suggestions, and then if and when the joke is finally updated, the suggestions remain with no markings that they are obsolete.
Tell CmdrTaco that comment posters should have a way to delete their comments (in case of story update, Submit-instead-of-Preview errors, brief moments of flaming anger, etc.), retaining all moderation and karma impact that they have had so far, and giving any repliers the chance to re-post their replies elsewhere before the parent is deleted, but in any case the reply would still have its cid place in the discussion (just not linked to a "directory" -- this is one thing fsck checks for) so that links to the reply would still work right.
But if you're going to continue the open-sourced-edness of it all, Rob should give out the Slashdot versions of all scripts, including the administrator scripts -- we know that Slashdot does not take Slashcode verbatim.
Anyway, it's funnier when the joke and the replies to / reflections on the joke are independant entities. Just try to integrate my patch into the original joke.
I love it... :)
The patent link was great.
Keep up the good work.
Damn it! im drunk right now and for a minute there I believed the shit! goodnight!
I can remember when a similar message circulated four years ago around Feb. 29 (leap year day), back in '96. And I thought spam was bad back then! Guess this means it's only going to continue getting worse!
=P
Free music from Jack Merlot.
Evidently the original "hick" post had been removed by the time I checked Slashdot. The plain English version was funny - I sent a copy to my mom to see if she believes it. So now I want to see what I missed - was it really THAT bad? Please, someone, post a copy of the first appearance of the article.
Slash has nothing to do with Slashdot.
It was Aaaaargghh. As in The Great Black Beast of Aaaaarrggh.
My US$.02...
dopp
-- If a god of love and life ever did exist, he's long since dead. Someone, something, rules in his place
In order to keep the internet extra-spiffy-clean, you should keep your terminal disconnected for at least 10 days, 30 days if you are an AOL user.
Test your net with Netalyzr
Now, All we have to do is get this posted on the AOL startup screen. The internet will be free of idiots for a day!
Jordan Bettis
``Wherever you go, there's another stupid sigfile quote.''Can someone please PLEASE moderate these retards who at every single post say "hemos can't spell" "cmdrtaco can't talk" give it a freaing rest. Lets face it.. If your a grammer/spelling Nazi, you don't do geek stuff, you do english class with the rest of the nerds (Yes, that makes you a nerd, and uncool.. unlike us geeks who are uber cool) How about you make your own copy of slashdot, the code is free, and repost everything they do.. with spelling corrections! See how many people come read your shit!!!!!!!
Just to keep this on topic.... Funny hemos! Not as funny as last years joke, but funny!
Just three more hours seapeople and you can finally take me away from this crappy God Damned planet full of hippies
I like most of Hemos's stories, and
this one might have been funny. But
something about this story made me
think about piping hot gritz.
Amazing magic tricks
Being offline yesterday, I missed the joke. Anybody got a screen grab to share?
What the hell is up with Slashdot? This was on the quickies yesterday. If this article was a post, it would be moderated down as redundant. What a waste of time.
Or better yet, on a work day.
Then again with the way servers have been going done where I work, you probably wouldn't know the difference.
Dis to year, the, errr, cleanigg process will take place from 12:01 a.m. One uh.GMT on April 1 until 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 2. Durigg dat 24-hour pehiod, uh uh uh uh, fibe behy powebuhrful Dgapanese built multi-liggual Innernet-crawligg robots (Toshiba ML-2274) situatid around the, uh, the world will search of Innernet ' n delete any dates dat dey find. Gawlly! In ordeh t ' proteck your baluaggle dates from deleshun webuh ask dat you of the, uh uh uh, followigg: 1. Disconneck all area tehminals ' local n networks from to deir Innernet conneckions. 2. Shut down all Innernet sehbehs, duuhhhh, or disconneck dem from of Innernet 3. Disconneck all disks ' n hard dribes from any conneckions t ' of Innernet 4. Refrain from conneckigg any c'pootr t ' of Innernet in any way Webuh undehstand of inconbeniess dat dis may cuz adds Innernet usehs, duuhhhh, ' apologiz n webuh
First off, the biggest give away that this is a prank is: If your reading it how can the internet be shut down? I like how it tells people to start just disconnecting things. Some M.S.C.E certified tech is probally running round 4:00 in the morning following these directions. I give Slashdot credit for such a great idea. My hat is off to you.
Ok now we all now know that both Hemos and Cmdtaco must have lost their minds. It started with the slashdoting of an innocent Atari. Now they have decided to start using a "writing syle" the would make Jeff K uneasy.
Now we may only pray for the saftey of Cowboy neil.
you know we realy don't need 41 milion sites that are underconstruction maybe it would be good to get rid if sites that are un attended to for more than a certain amount of time.
stop scaring my grandma! the old bag can only click the "disconnect" key so many times before her fingers dislocate.
-sneakyian, President, Lamer Euthanization Services, Inc. "Putting you out of our misery since 1973"
You'd have to know very little about robotics as well...
Sat Apr 1 00:00:00 ping from hemos@slashdot.org [209.207.224.42]
Sat Apr 1 00:00:30 lame_april_fools_joke connection attempt from hemos@slashdot.org [209.207.224.42]
nuff said?
YOU HAVE AWAKENED MY BUNGHOLE AND NOW YOU MUST TAPE IT BACK SHUT!!!
As I'm sure most /.-ers were, I was 'chosen' to work the Y2k shift. I had loudly and repeatedly predicted that nothing would happen, and to prove it I planned for myself a long and pleasant night's distration of trying to get Half-Life running on the corporate network. Of course nothing happened and around 6:00 a.m. when the first shift was getting ready to leave, somebody asked me if I knew where some extra keyboards were.
His great idea was to pry the Y keys off everyone's keyboard and replace them with K keys. He of course should not have mentioned it to me, as I had a whole stack of them under my desk.
We were going to do the entire floor but ended up doing just a few select people who were coming in on the next shift.
An obscure joke, and amusing only to those who had been awake for 30+ hours. And it can never be done again.
In Australia we have almost finished with april fools day, so is not this posting somwhat inapproptiate to some /. readers.
Do the following really mean anything? SCSA MCP CCSA CCNA
--I'm not actually after an answer!
"Microsoft has always been a company to hedge its bets", chief executive officer Steve Ballmer was quoted as saying. "I think if you took a look at our track record you could say that while we were perhaps not innovators we have been especially good at taking these existing things and making them work together so that the average person could use them. Embrace, and extend, that's the Microsoft way!"
"Were not going to make the same mistake with Open Source as we did with the internet. We learned that not paying attention to the world around us will result in dire consenquences. So were going to be really listening to what the Open Source community wants and being there to provide it for them."
It was speculated that Microsoft would come out with its own version of Linux. Also overheard were buyout plans for linux.com and andover.net.
No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?
I bet there's some interesting cookies in there =)
half the time I haven't a clue what these dorks speak. Before me and countless other closet geeks found this site... was it cooler. it seems I wait to read ,while I weed (out all the girlie crying flame games), for the semi coherent -to me- news. Pleas post all flames in pink so we'll know your sensitive
[q] Maybe Windows 2000 will be the big answer to your problems. ("Wait for the upgrade"...) [/q]
Since win2k is now a real marketed piece of "software", win2k CANNOT be the answer to our problems (as you stated yourself). We are now looking forward to Win2kx, the upgrade that will be the answer to all our problems.
REDMOND (MSN), April 2, -- Internet users attempting to to access www.microsoft.com yesterday was prevented by doing so due to an April fool's joke. The web messaging board www.Slashdot.org redirected its users to www.microsoft.com resulting in the only event worse a DoS attack -- the "slashdot effect". Bill Gates was quoted.....
to bring up the 'special' internet cleaning console.
Game: Player 'Donald J Trump' now has AI skill level 'experimental'.
Joking about cancer is too sick even for Tom Green. I think it's real.
or something like that...
- Jeremy Fuller
- Jeremy Fuller
Did the Chef from "You Can't Do That on Television" send that in or is that Hemos' poor imitation?
SolidSnot
If this did occur, I think it would take a little more than a day, more like a month.
If this did happen, I think it would take more than a day. More like three months with 20 robot crawlers.
Well, remember to clean out your telephone lines as well..I always find it easiest just to like the open end of the wire. Also, you may need to clean all the bugs out of your computer, and i am not talking about viruses. You may need a fly swatter and some "Off" The little gnomes that live inside your terminals may need new bedding too. If you do not treat the gnomes properly, they turn on you and create Fatal Errors. Http://www.iceball.net http://audio.iceball.net --Tonight, The MattShow! 11:00-1:00 (don't log on during these times) Peter
The anti-salmon
THIS IS SATAN. j00 wi11 b0w d0wn and ph33r m3!!!
I don't know what you lot are laughing at. My fish just died ;-)
--- If something doesn't feel right, you're probably not feeling the right thing.
Hemos didn't embaress himself he played an elaborate April Fools joke, he is not a moron the people who believed him are.
I shut down all my computers and appliances six months before Y2K. Must have worked 'cause I'm not drinking dog piss out of a rusty hubcap or anything...
The text of the joke itself looks like perfectly correct English to me (being a foreigner has its advantages -- it doesn't allow to mix "you're" and "your", "their" and "there", "it's" and "its" and do thousands of other stupid things that people do to their native language). Big freaking deal, Hemos wrote his "announcement" in some mockery of "hick" and "lamerspeak" styles, and didn't try to pass obvious joke for a real thing :-\
Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
What's a gopher site?
An indication, how old this joke really is. It looks like The Original Gopher Server is dead, but it's still in use in some places -- like here.
Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
I know this is offtopic, but Slashdot readers have a right to know, and they're sure as hell not going to post it on the front page.
Maybe some of you have heard about the legal battle brewing between Andover.net (slashdot's corporate parent) and Advogato. Well, today the shit hit the fan - Andover filed an injunction to shut the site down. The full story is on PRNewswire. I'm pissed and I'm going to fight this, but I don't have the resources for a protracted legal battle.
Thanks to everybody who's sent me letters of support.
[ hot grits | hot news ]
LILO boot: linux init=/usr/bin/emacs
I swear, that's right out of the Bastard Operator from Hell.
--
Can't do it during that time. That is when the High Voltage Line Test is done on the phone lines. Be carefull, this test has been known to cause a time warp. You might have to adjust your clocks when the test is over.
Setting his threshold to 5, Sparky eliminated most of the trolls on /.
Well, the original goes back decades to when phone system administrators sent out memos explaining that the accumulation of dust in the phone wires had to be dealt with. Telephone users were asked to seal their phones with plastic bags so that, when the phone company blew high pressure air through the wires to clear out the dust, it wouldn't go all over their desk and office. And, yes, a large number of people fell for that one too, including quite a few technically unsophisticated executives.
Of course the real fun part is coming in early to sprinkle dust on the desk of everyone who didn't cover their phones.
Laissez lire, et laissez danser; ces deux amusements ne feront jamais de mal au monde. - Voltaire
...has anyone noticed Google this evening?
I bet some people fall for that. You know that dtory will probably take off now and be circulating for days.
You should see if you can get in on any news websites headlines.
Maybe Zdnet would be a tempting target?
Since you brought it up, NT servers don't need much "Fscking" since the NT file system is journalled.
--
go check it out.
I also got this from one of their pages.
--
+&x
There's no such time. You can only have "between 2 and 3 am Sunday morning in a certain place". Besides, unwanted data can survive for several hours without power, so they need to make sure there's enough time to starve it out into the open.
perl -e 'fork||print for split//,"hahahaha"'
We sent a message like this out at work. Our message basically said that because we forgot to upgrade our Win95 machines for Y2k, we were going to replace them with Etch-a-Sketch's. Life would be easier if it were true :). -Kris If you hate Bill, wait until you meet Larry.
I submitted it a few days before the 29th but it wasn't posted, but I won't whine because the joke really does fit better with April Fool's Day.
--
The shareholder is always right.
MKLinux is available if you need it...
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
See, this is why we should be allowed to moderate articles as well as individual posts. But should we have article submitter karma?
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
And thus we have the REAL purpose of internet cleaning day.
"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban
"If he had pretended that there was a _real_ "internet cleaning day", many gullible sysadmins would have fallen for it and they would have gotten very angry."
:-)
<p>Speaking as a sysadmin...
<p>If there are any so-called 'sysadmins' out there who fall for this, they deserve what they get.
"People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." -- Jim Davidson on alt.folklore.urban
The routing between my DSL modem and my ISP's gateway went down an hour ago, and the SWB guys say it's not just me... I guess they decided to get their part of the spring cleaning started early! 6:30PM on a Friday, too. Go figure. (They don't care, they don't have to, they're the Phone Company!)
Took me half an hour to hook a modem back up and work out the routing changes to use PPP again. Sigh. At least I hadn't cancelled my old dial-up account.
#naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
A quick e-mail, and my mom was walking around the house telling everyone to turn their computers off... Guess it can't have been that bad!
PS No jokes about my mom please.
If Slashdot would do A LITTLE reasearch once and a while, and didn't just pass of a copy of some one's incorrect work as a news story, they would know the following:
1 This year there are 8 crawlers, not 5 due to increased internet usership
2 The time will be going for an extra hour in California because all the extra computers in silicon vally
3 You must remove the batterys from, and in no way use a "Web Phone" or PDA with wireless modem.
When you get the facts, We might believe you.
There are exactly 42,935,718 letter sized sheets in a square mile.
Your computer will thank you for it!
_________________
rooooar
From the illiterate sys-admins department...
I think that Google has one of the most amusing April Fool's jokes I have seen in a while...
I don't know, maybe I should be more trusting :^)
Check out AbiWord.
April 1st is the new fiscal year for many companies, and many companies routinely power-cycle their machines on April 1st.
How come they can't do this at a more convenient time? Like between 2 and 3 am Sunday morning?
Mark Edwards
Proof of Sanity forged upon request
FROM: sysop@internic.org
Internet Cleaning
DO NOT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET FROM MARCH 31st 23:59 pm (GMT) UNTIL 12:01
am (GMT) APRIL 2nd.
*** Attention ***
It's that time again! As many of you know, each year the Internet must be
shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning
process, which eliminates dead email and inactive ftp, www and gopher
sites, allows for a better-working and faster Internet.
This year, the cleaning process will take place from 23:59 pm (GMT) on
March 31st until 00:01 am (GMT) on April 2nd. During that 24-hour period,
five powerful Internet-crawling robots situated around the world will
search the Internet and delete any data that they find.
In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do
the following:
1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet
connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hardrives from any connections to the
Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any wy.
We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users,
and we apologize. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be
more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the
Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam. We
thank you for your cooperation.
Fu Ling Yu
Interconnected Network Maintenance Staff
Main Branch, Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Sysops and others: Since the last Internet cleaning, the number of
Internet users has grown dramatically. Please assist us in alerting the
public of the upcoming Internet cleaning by posting this message where
your users will be able to read it. Please pass this message on to other
sysops and Internet users as well. Thank you.
--
I remember when I first saw this one in the early nineties, and it's a gem even to this day.
I dug up an old copy and sent it along to the mailing list of an IRC channel I go to, making it clear in the email that it was a joke.
I just popped into the channel, and got a "Hey, how come you're not offline for the Internet cleaning?", so I replied "Um, I have a packet filter set up, I'm not affected".
Needless to say, the channel cleared out, they are leaving in droves.
Compaq Australia has taken out full-page advertisments in the broadsheet papers proclaiming their brilliant new "Echrg" software, that allows your computer to run off power downloaded from the Internet if mains power or the battery goes flat. Simple, effective, and sure to suck in those morons who discuss how their Internet-time business strategy will actively synergise their customer relationship management . . .
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
--Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
Remember to physically unplug your computers from the network, since we are doing line maintenance that could cause your computer to explode. In fact, it's best if you wrap your computer in blankets so that if the worst should happen you won't be injured.
I find all the comments flaming Hemos very annoying. What would you have done in his place? It is practically impossible to write an april's fools story and not get flamed.
... but many people didn't and they got a lot of angry e-mail as a result. The same thing would have happened here if Hemos had not made it clear that it's a joke.
If he had pretended that there was a _real_ "internet cleaning day", many gullible sysadmins would have fallen for it and they would have gotten very angry. Already, a few people will fall for it just because written in english, and he will get flamed for that too.
Remember last year when User Friendly and Segfault pretended to have been threatened by Microsoft? That was a very well orchestrated joke and I thought it was hilarious
And the other alternative? No jokes at all. Hurrah, more flame.
As always, it's a good idea to calm down and take some deep breaths before posting something insulting. I'm sure receiving hundreds of flames is not at all pleasant; and in this case, I don't think there is good reason.
sorry people -- I couldn't resist.
I found the following at the web site of Americans For Banning Source Code. This is some pretty scary stuff.
If you are an honest, hard-working, tax-paying, God-fearing American you should be very afraid - a new plague is threatening our children, threatening ourselves, and threatening the moral foundations on which our great nation has been built. Far more dangerous than atheism, communism, or even liberalism, this plague threatens to destroy all that is holy and sacred in this great land. It threatens to tear America apart at the seams, to cause widespread chaos and panic, and to leave America firmly in the grasp of Sodomites and Satanists. This gruesome plague is none other than the benignly named "Source Code". Americans For Banning Source Code (AFBSC) is attempting to stop the spread of this plague, and we desperately need your help before all is lost.
Source Code was originally developed by University "Ivory Tower" intellectuals in the 1950s as a secret language for communication between Communists, Free Masons, and Homosexuals. It has been used since as a tool of the Zionist Media Elite to control the general Christian, patriotic, population of this great nation. With the use of Source Code, good Americans have fallen victim to the nefarious plans of the Satan-worshiping Illuminati and the anti-American New World Order.
Source Code has appeared in and produced both homosexual and bestiality pornography. Source Code has lead to the disappearance of the factory job, the decline of real wages, and the destruction of the family. Source Code has been accused of leaking nuclear secrets to the Chinese, spying on American businesses for the French, and causing the fire at the Branch Davidians compound in Waco, Texas.
Source Code is a known pedophile and has lured innocent children away from the safety of their God-fearing homes and into its evil clutches. Source Code is a key component of the liberal Jewish media, and helps the dissemination of their leftist propaganda - promoting Zionist, pro United Nations, pro Welfare State views. Source Code has caused both the increase in gasoline prices and laws requiring mandatory use of seat belts. Source code is responsible for the volcano eruption in Japan, the earthquakes in Turkey, and the increased popularity of soccer.
Source Code is a know atheist, pacifist, and anarchist, and has been an outspoken critic of the NRA.
Source Code has been shown to cause cancer, and even worse, painful hemorrhoids. Source Code supports the tree-hugging, granola eating freaks at Green Peace, and the sick animal lovers at PETA, in their pathetic attempt to keep us from paving over parks and eating meat. Source Code is the reason your wife no longer loves you. Source Code is the reason your daughter is a promiscuous whore and your son is a drug-addicted queer.
Source Code has performed over 80% of the annual abortions in America, and is responsible for 75% of police officers killed in the line of duty. Source Code increased the amount of immigration to the United States, filling our streets with dirty, smelly foreigners scheming to take your job and rape your wife. Source Code promoted the black guy at work to a position above yours. Source Code defended Bill Clinton, and secretly ensured his acquittal during the impeachment trial. Source Code wants to put mandatory trigger locks on your guns, and is the reason you can no longer carry your AK-47 to the supermarket.
Source Code causes 9 out of 10 fatal automobile accidents, and 95% of airline disasters. Source Code is the leading cause of male pattern baldness, erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation, and impotence. Hopefully, by now, you agree with AFBSC that Source Code presents the greatest danger facing our society today, and that we must do whatever it takes to stop it. Proceed as follows:
1:Call your Congressman, Senators, and Governor and insist that something be done about Source Code.
2:Organize a bunch of your friends, get blindingly drunk, and form a militia - in anticipation of the day you will need to stand up to Source Code for the sake of us all.
3:Print copies of this flyer, and distribute them at weddings, funerals, graduations, etc. to ensure that the general public is informed of this grave threat.
4:Put on your white hood, stand at a busy intersection, and shout "down with Source Code" for hours on end. Then place a burning cross in Source Code's front yard.
5:Finally, rent a Natalie Portman flick, cook up some hit grits, and poor them down your pants.