Microsoft Asks Fed For Bailout

snydeq writes "Microsoft requested on Tuesday some $20 billion in bailout funds from the federal government, claiming that as the company controls an overwhelming share of the OS market, it is too big to fail. Low adoption rates for Vista, the ensuing ad campaign trying to convince people that they really do like Vista, and the increased need for development resources to rush Windows 7 to market to make people forget about Vista have necessitated the bailout, the company said. 'We want to make it absolutely clear that this is not a crisis of mismanagement,' said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer in a prepared statement. 'This is simply a crisis of dollars — a crisis of not having enough dollars coming our way.'"

Comments

They are, ghowever

[geekoid]

trying to use bailout money to build a bridge between their campuses.

Yeah, that sounds like an AF joke, but I read it a day or two ago.

Re:They are, ghowever

[SunSpot505]

Indeed they are, I read about that one too. Ridiculous!! And here is the link for your M$ hating pleasure.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Runaway1956]

Errrr, yes, it does.  If our tax dollars are going to pay for something, they should pay for something that benefits us all.  Like, maybe replacing bridges over the Mississippi, before another one falls into the water?  Maybe a lot of things, that don't benefit one corporation in particular, excluding the PEOPLE of America.

Re:They are, ghowever

[GaratNW]

The bridge in question connects one publicly accessible area to another publicly accessible area where there are limited ways to get across the freeway in question. While Microsoft accounts for about 40% of the expected traffic on the new bridge, they [i.e. Microsoft] are actually footing the bill for approximately half the cost of the bridge. Those bastards! Fleecing the public by paying half of something that is a publicly owned structure that will provide a few hundred jobs for 2 years, that they won't own but will be able to benefit from, and will encourage people to WALK rather than drive everywhere. How dare they. And it's a shovel ready project. Yah.. horrible idea.

Oh sorry. Slashdot. My bad. Go on with your uninformed hating.

Re:They are, ghowever

[digitalunity]

Yeah right. With our tax dollars, MS would build a maglev monorail around their campus, furnished with Italian leather chairs, open bars, 42" plasma TV's hooked up to XBox 360's and wifi.

Re:They are, ghowever

[jonnythan]

It's a bridge that connects two public roads and will reportedly do a great job lessening congestion on the other nearby bridge.

Despite people billing it as a "Microsoft bridge" it's not. It's a public bridge on a public road. I think Microsoft is being kinda generous by offering to pay for a huge chunk of it.

Re:They are, ghowever

[cayenne8]

"Yeah right. With our tax dollars, MS would build a maglev monorail around their campus, furnished with Italian leather chairs, open bars, 42" plasma TV's hooked up to XBox 360's and wifi."

You left out blow and hookers...

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

Meaning "It's a public road and the public will use it".

The counter-argument is absurd and very akin to this: "Why should we, cityfolk, build a highway that goes around the city? The people who benefit most are the people driving on it!"

The people who benefit are also the people who have reduced traffic on their roads as people use the new infrastructure.

Just because Slashdot hates Microsoft doesn't mean this is absurd.

Re:They are, ghowever

[zaba]

You forgot blackjack. Actually, forget blackjack.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Cromac]

The bridge in question connects one publicly accessible area to another publicly accessible area

"Publicly accessible" is the spin. It's connecting one MS parking lot to another MS parking lot. It's not like it's connecting two public streets.

It's not like the MS drones are going to walk anyway, they'll still use the free MS shuttles they have driving all over the city.

Re:They are, ghowever

[mgblst]

Does it really have to benefit all? Because I can't see how a new road in New York is going to help anyone in California? Or a bridge in South Carolina will be helping those people in Chicago?

Re:They are, ghowever

[GaratNW]

The city of Redmond recognizes it and wants it, probably 50% of the tax revenue for that city derives from Microsoft and it's employees. Microsoft recognizes the value and wants it, hence footing half the bill. It eases up congestion on the TWO other overpasses across the freeway in the area (there's a third well away from the campus, apartments and tons of housing throughout that area that rarely gets used). So yes.. there are literally thousands of homes, people at businesses (not just Microsoft, though they are the ONLY business directly contributing), and public and private transit that can use, as well as the numerous bike and foot commuters in the area. As I said. Uninformed. You just want a reason to hate them. The fact that you've got your underwear in a bind about obfuscation code done in a beta build of an OS over 25 years ago is possibly the saddest justification for MS hate I've seen on Slashdot in a long time. So no, I don't need an explanation. You need a Xanax.

Re:They are, ghowever

[shadowbearer]

  Sheese. RTFA.

  This is an april fools joke. You just got trolled ;)

  Damned near every sentence in the article at least hints at it.

  Oh sorry. April Fools Joke. Go on with your uninformed idiocy.

SB

Re:They are, ghowever

[shadowbearer]

  Yikes. Nevermind ;)

  I was reading at +1 and didn't see the post that had the article link you did.

  I'll get back to you after I wipe the egg off my face and cook it up for supper.

SB

Re:They are, ghowever

[jonnythan]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/03/31/bridge.microsoft/index.html

"We're not a one-company town," [Mayor] Marchione says. "Our traffic studies show that Microsoft traffic would be about 42 percent of the bridge, yet Microsoft is paying for about 50 percent of the bridge, so we think we are getting fair value."

Microsoft general counsel Brad Smith wrote: "As the largest employer in Redmond, Microsoft takes its responsibility to the surrounding community seriously. We have spent over $50 million to assist the City of Redmond and other local governments with street construction, transit facilities, water and sewer facilities and fire equipment."

"Any time you can include the private sector in funding transportation projects, it's a win-win situation," Ennis explains. "The state has a monopoly on our roads system. Even if Microsoft wanted to pay for this project on their own, legally they are required to work with the public sector."

Re:They are, ghowever

[kumanopuusan]

I think Microsoft is being kinda generous by offering to pay for a huge chunk of it.

I think the city of Redmond is being kinda generous by not raising Microsoft's taxes in order to pay for the entire cost of the bridge necessitated by Microsoft.

Re:They are, ghowever

[baKanale]

...will encourage people to WALK rather than drive everywhere.

Why did we even bother bailing out the auto industry if we're just going to make everybody walk?!

Re:They are, ghowever

[Tubal-Cain]

Talk about killing the goose that lays the golden eggs...

Or at least chasing it away.

Re:They are, ghowever

[digitalunity]

True, but the blow would only be in the MVP rail car and the hookers would stop to ask you if you want to pay extra to upgrade your experience, and when you're done she would ask you to fill out a survey about your experience.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Runaway1956]

Good question.  Why DID we bother bailing out a failed industry?  Never mind how many people are walking, a failed industry is a failed industry.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Runaway1956]

A thirty million dollar publicly funded project had better benefit the public at large - wherever the project is located.  30 million in New York, 30 million in Texas, 1 million in California seems a pretty fair ratio to me.  (Hey, you guys have all those stupid asses from television to help you fund your projects, make them pay up!)

Re:They are, ghowever

[shutdown -p now]

If you have read the original Slashdot story about that bridge, there were a couple of comments from the locals (who aren't MS employees) who admitted that the bridge would indeed be very helpful to them (not the least because it would divert a lot of traffic, removing the congestions elsewhere).

Re:They are, ghowever

[falconwolf]

If you have read the original Slashdot story about that bridge, there were a couple of comments from the locals (who aren't MS employees) who admitted that the bridge would indeed be very helpful to them (not the least because it would divert a lot of traffic, removing the congestions elsewhere).

Question, if Microsoft wasn't there would traffic be bad? If it wouldn't be then MS gets a break on property tax.

Falcon

Re:They are, ghowever

[Alpha830RulZ]

I'm quite familiar with the area in question. I've used the overpasses on either side of the proposed location, and drive through the area about 8 times a month. The Microsoft campus is right there, but so is Nintendo and literally dozens of other businesses.

MSFT is paying literally more than their fair share of the expected cost for the expected use. The bridge will reduce traffic on other arterials, and likely will help traffic on the 52 freeway a bit. Locally, we feel like the deal is fair, so you bashers can go screw off.

Re:They are, ghowever

[speedtux]

The bridge in question connects one publicly accessible area to another publicly accessible area where there are limited ways to get across the freeway in question.

Would the bridge make the list of projects if Microsoft weren't involved? No? Then the public shouldn't pay a dime for it.

While Microsoft accounts for about 40% of the expected traffic on the new bridge, they [i.e. Microsoft] are actually footing the bill for approximately half the cost of the bridge.

All the non-Microsoft traffic might simply be taking the bridge because it's there and it has already been paid for. The question is what the actual utility of the bridge is to the public.

I've driven around the Microsoft campus a lot, and I don't see any public need for another bridge in that area.

Re:They are, ghowever

[shutdown -p now]

Question, if Microsoft wasn't there would traffic be bad?

It probably wouldn't, but presumably they're paying all the local taxes that should cover this use of public resources already.

Re:They are, ghowever

[megaditto]

If MS needs/wants it, let them build it.

MS paid over $5 billion (with a B) in corporate taxes in 2007. Their employees probably paid just as much in personal income taxes. You really want to screw a $10,000,000,000/year cash cow out of a $10,000,000 public works project? Of which they pay half? Great thinking there genius.

To come to my second point, my butt is too big to fail. I have to have a taxpayer-funded bailout. Though I'd settle for a cookie.

Re:They are, ghowever

[falconwolf]

It probably wouldn't, but presumably they're paying all the local taxes that should cover this use of public resources already.

Ah, their taxes aren't high enough then. Property and fuel taxes should be high enough to pay for infrastructure.

Falcon

Re:They are, ghowever

[dhavleak]

Publicly accessible meaning the bridge can be accessed by anybody.

If MS needs/wants it, let them build it.

MS will account for 42% of the traffic on the bridge. They are picking up 50% of the tab. Washington state wants it. Microsoft wants it. They're sharing the bill. Everybody's happy. Except the dude living under it.

You and I both know that Microsoft has the funds to build the damned thing without any government help.

What??? They should pay the money because they can afford it?

Their budget is larger than many nation's budgets!!

Not true unless you're talking about countries that are in a desperate state of poverty. But what does that have to do with this bridge? There are people starving to death because of poverty every day. By your own logic you yourself should not even own a computer.

Then, I would have a reason to be grateful to MS, for feeding some construction worker's kids...

Again - they're picking up 50% of the tab. Let's see some of that gratitude now.

Uninformed hating? I hardly think so. What you call hate, I call contempt. And, there are a lot of reasons for that contempt. Perhaps you have looked at my sig? Need an explanation?

Uninformed hate is a fairly kind assessment of your posts. I'd add illogical hate as well.

Re:They are, ghowever

[reiisi]

From my point of view, they are paying with money they should not have.

Their software, rushed to market before the underlying infrastructure was ready for it, not to mention rushed to market with half-baked and half-complete features that exacerbated the problems the software caused, is costing us all.

Sure, there would be malware and spam even if Microsoft had had the patience (and engineering fortitude) to wait to get the software mostly right, and to limit it to run sensibly within the scope of the RFCs, but the scale would be orders of magnitude less.

And the cost due to their bad engineering is closer in scope to their corporate worth than it is to the cost of this bridge.

No, they don't get brownie points for this bridge, even if they foot the whole cost.

Re:They are, ghowever

[eh2o]

Fair enough, but none of this addresses the question of value for the money. Maybe that $11 million would be better spent on some other project--the public money will create jobs wherever its allocated, but the whole point of infrastructure projects is that they create long term economic activity beyond just the initial lay out.

One could also question some of the architectural decisions--building it on a diagonal, the extra width to accomodate trees? None of that appears to be necessary if you look at the pictures. From here it looks a lot like MS had plans for a $25 million dollar bridge and then "upgraded" to a $36 million dollar bridge when they saw the stimulus money...

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

Have you actually been there? Unless you have business at Microsoft, there's very little reason to use that bridge, public road or not. One side of the proposed bridge is 100% Microsoft buildings, the other side 75% Microoft buildings.

I bet the "non Microoft" traffic sited in the article is contractors, vendors, and visitors directly connected to Microsoft. It will help actual non Microsoft traffic in as much as it gets Microsoft traffic off of 40th, but mostly it'll just make it easier for the Microsoft shuttles to get employees from one side of 520 to the other. And as for "connecting [Redmond's] technical sector with [Redmond's] retail and commercial sectors", what a joke. It's at least a 30 minute walk from main campus to Overlake (shopping, restaurants etc.), and if you were going to drive, you'd can already take 40th, which is only crowded during rush hour.

Re:They are, ghowever

[RockWolf]

Oh sorry. Slashdot. My bad. Go on with your uninformed hating.

That was pretty much the plan.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Your.Master]

What the HELL are you talking about? It's the exact opposite. It's connecting two public streets.

Re:They are, ghowever

[leenks]

Logic at its best.

Re:They are, ghowever

[evolx10]

So this bridge is only 40% vulnerable to getting some infection and either crashing or causing pop ups, thus blocking pedestrian traffic?

Re:They are, ghowever

[Skuld-Chan]

I live in washington - I think they could be a tad bit more generous and pay for the entire thing themselves - which they could easily afford - especially after laying off 1200 people?

Re:They are, ghowever

[icebraining]

I dislike Microsoft's business practices as much as the next /.er, but this seems like a good deal.

People seem to forget that having a large company like Microsoft is *good* for the area, as it attracts people and money.

If Microsoft should or not have that kind of money is another matter, mixing the two is dumb.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

You're right, how generous of them to pay for half of a public bridge with money they've requested from the government.

Derp.

Re:They are, ghowever

[necro81]

will provide a few hundred jobs for 2 years

What the hell kind of bridge is this? Not far from here, a few hundred jobs and ten months was all it took to rebuild a 10-lane, 1200-foot interstate bridge!

What stampede of humanity requires such a building effort in Redmond?

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

If our tax dollars are going to pay for something, they should pay for something that benefits us all.

Says Captain Righteous

Captain Righteous he is here!
Captain Righteous have no fear!
Wears righteous indignation well
How you should live, he will tell
Captain Righteous!
Captain Righteous!

Re:They are, ghowever

[xenophed]

good guys win bad guys lose and as always GNU/linux wins

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

They are not a one-company town? Yah, I guess "Bob and Al's Towing" would make it a two company town.

Re:They are, ghowever

[alexborges]

Oh!

- They hate us master, they hate us.

- Fear not, my Minion, we will have them eat us or DIE!

"Invasion of the OS SNatchers, take 2456, balmer-minion dialogue"

Re:They are, ghowever

[DarKnyht]

They are, it is just most of it is leached off the top by the government(s) to pay for "Pet Projects" and other things that have little or nothing to do with Roads.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Pharmboy]

and all those people using it are taxpaying residents, regardless of where they work. There are plenty of reasons to rag MS, this just ain't one of them, unless you are just a zealot who looks for any opportunity to find fault in MS, in which case, your opinion is worthless.

Sounds like a good plan for the city, a good offer by Microsoft, and a win/win for the taxpayers. On all other points, yea, Microsoft sucks, just not on this one.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

... now, just how many other peoples and towns, including third world ones, have lost how much to Microsoft?

It seems that they can afford to be generous, with other people's money.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

How about Spider Solitaire?

Re:They are, ghowever

[ProfessionalCookie]

Solitaire anyone?

Re:They are, ghowever

[davidphogan74]

Would the bridge make the list of projects if Microsoft weren't involved? No?

Because there wouldn't be the 50% they put up for it. If 58% of the traffic is non-Microsoft, why does it matter if it's only there because it's paid for? They're using it.

Re:They are, ghowever

[davidphogan74]

From here it looks a lot like MS had plans for a $25 million dollar bridge and then "upgraded" to a $36 million dollar bridge when they saw the stimulus money...

It's a WADOT project, not MS. But please, your blathering makes me giggle. Continue.

Re:They are, ghowever

[davidphogan74]

That wasn't built over an existing freeway that requires minimal lane-closure, for example.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

Are you serious? You seriously believe this shit? If anything else is so much better, people would use it. Deal with it.

Re:They are, ghowever

[Anonymous Coward]

MS is paying for it out of pocket already.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny things, time zones.

100% Real!

[Anonymous Coward]

just look at the link! http://www.infoworld.com/article/09/04/01/13NF-microsoft-April-Fools_1.html

Re:100% Real!

[Captain DDL]

Ahahaha.

Re:100% Real!

[JumpDrive]

So you mean that, although MS is creating a lot of congestion in Redmond traffic. They are not offering to help pay for a bridge to relieve the congestion.

Those inconsiderate bastards.

Re:It's April 2 now

[joocemann]

Still April 1st here in California...

Re:It's April 2 now

[snl2587]

It's still April 1st in the United States.

Weird.

[gbarules2999]

Thanks to the bailout, 2009 is clearly the year of Windows on the desktop.

Re:Weird.

[Anonymous Coward]

Dont put windows on your desktop. Trust me, its just a distaster. It may seem like a cool idea, but all the crashes and breaking and the cleanup, its just not worth it.

Oh, where you talking about the OS?

Re:Weird.

[transporter_ii]

Thanks to fake bailout article, MS stock drops slightly, but enough to make the people who knew about the upcoming article a nice chunk of change by shorting it.

Re:Weird.

[Chlorine Trifluoride]

I once put windows on my desktop while installing Windows...not a pretty sight.

Re:Weird.

[Nefarious Wheel]

I once put windows on my desktop while installing Windows...not a pretty sight

Strange, I had the opposite effect when I installed Windows in the walls of our house. All that blue was a rather lovely change from the opaque glass of my neighbor's bathroom. Hiding the USB dock in the sill was a bit of a challenge with that counterweight coming down and smashing the plastic and all, but overall I thought it was a good use of real estate.

Re:Weird.

[Anonymous Brave Guy]

Oh, come on.

They'll have to pay me a lot more than $20 billion to put Vista on my desktop!

Re:Weird.

[skiman1979]

I might possibly consider running Windows 7 on my desktop... inside VMWare Server, with no network adapter configured, and VMWare Server in a chroot jail. :-)

Re:Weird.

[Raysylvon]

Reward the Greedy and for get the Needy.

Re:Weird.

[Raysylvon]

Raysysvon My Hope is a group Billionares get together nd buy out microsoft and yahoo and give them to Mozilla Firefox.

What do you mean April 1st story?

[forgoil]

This just sounds like a translation from "CEO" to "normal human being English" to me... Now everyone can know how bailout money and CEOs function!

Re:What do you mean April 1st story?

[Leiterfluid]

The real joke is that in Comrade Obama's Socialist Amerika, the government will be looking to Microsoft for a bailout.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

-1 British

Depends

[amori]

Depends: Can we file bankruptcy. Can we separate the good Microsoft and the bad Microsoft ? Will good Microsoft be sold off to Swedish "The Pirate Bay" firm.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Neanderthal Ninny]

No kidding. However it is still April 1 in the US at this moment.
I need a bailout also, say 10 million would cheap compared to most of the bailouts.

The Timecode Reader say 092:00:50:44

[pecosdave]

So it might just be ZULU 092, or April 2nd, in ZULU land - here in the Central United states it's still 091:19:50:44.

Re:The Timecode Reader say 092:00:50:44

[TypoNAM]

Ummm what? is that suppose to be an April fools joke or you can't tell time?
Last time I checked there are only twenty-four hours in a day...

Re:The Timecode Reader say 092:00:50:44

[pecosdave]

Well, I know how to tell time.

It's the 91st day
The 19th hour
the 50th minute of that hour
the 44th second of that minute.

Here's a picture of the very same time code reader I looked at the time on. This picture was taken the last day of last year - guess how you can tell last year was a leap year?

Re:The Timecode Reader say 092:00:50:44

[TypoNAM]

Ahh, well I'm definitely an idiot for not knowing what a time code reader is.

Re:The Timecode Reader say 092:00:50:44

[Anonymous Coward]

Uhhh I do believe it goes like this

DAY DAY: HOUR HOUR: MINUTE MINUTE: SECOND SECOND

So, 91st day of the year, etc etc...understand now?

Slashdot was useless today

[pembo13]

At least it was funny with the pink ponies thing. Today it's just useless.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[digitalderbs]

I'm sorry. I need my April fools achievement.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Jaysyn]

Yeah, me too.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[mathx314]

What's wrong with you people?

...Oh yeah, I guess this is sort of hypocritical, isn't it?

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Gwala]

Shameless achievement whoring.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[wyldeone]

This is just horrible.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[SydShamino]

achievement whore-able?

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[drinkypoo]

Today it's just useless.

You must be new here.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[srollyson]

I fell for it, too. I bet there isn't one. ;)

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[humphrm]

You got that right. I don't know how I look at myself in the mirror.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Anonymous Coward]

Bitch, bitch, whine, whine. Shut up.

Back to the business at hand. OFF WITH BALMER'S HEAD!!!

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Javaman59]

After pink ponies, the only place to go was down.

Pink ponies was /.s "Yesterday", "Mona Lisa", "E=MC2", "spaghetti harvest", 1492, etc... We were lucky to be alive at the same time.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[gregg]

At least it was funny with the pink ponies thing. Today it's just useless.

April 1st. The only day where the most readable section is idle.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[fluffybacon]

and me.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[bladesjester]

Considering that "today" is a member of the set "every day", the statement would be logically correct =]

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Anonymous Coward]

Its been totally useless since 31/03/09 to 02/04/09. April fools jokes are for 01/04/09 before midday, grow the fuck up /. and get back to real news, shit this is the crap I expect from digg.

Re:Slashdot was useless today

[Skuld-Chan]

All the whining when they load it down with april fools jokes, and when they don't - still the whining...

The Timecode Reader say 092:00:54:44

[pecosdave]

So it might just be ZULU 092, or April 2nd, in ZULU land - here in the Central United states it's still 091:19:54:44

Because it's not

[dreamchaser]

Maybe because /. is a US based site, and it's not April 2nd anywhere in the US yet?

Re:Because it's not

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

Well, US based or not, Slashdot is handing me a date using my non-US timezone. But I'm used to a day lasting 48 hours on the web, so it doesn't bother me.

Re:It's April 2 now

[BrainstormOC]

Funny, YOU'RE posted time is on April 1st....

The best April Fool's

[line-bundle]

This is by far the best april fools story posted today. I almost fell for it!

Re:The best April Fool's

[Anonymous Coward]

This is by far the best april fools story posted today.

That ain't sayin' much.

Re:The best April Fool's

[Samschnooks]

This is by far the best april fools story posted today. I almost fell for it!

Same here.

I've been vacillating between anger that it's so common to see big corporations begging for money and getting it that this seemed real and amusement at the thought of MS begging the Government for cash.

Re:The best April Fool's

[dimeglio]

That's because it's not an April's fool joke but a prophecy.

Re:The best April Fool's

[bgeer]

I believed it for the first couple sentences. It's not that implausible, I mean they really are getting a federally funded bridge. And if it was true we could all root for Geithner to sack Ballmer.

Re:The best April Fool's

[James_Duncan8181]

It's coming anyway.

Re:The best April Fool's

[Anonymous Coward]

Posted by samzenpus on 02/04/09 1:41

Looks like it's the ONLY April Fools story posted today.

Re:The best April Fool's

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually it is an April fools like "2008, Aril 1st: Bernie Madoff says he is running a ponzi scheme investment business"

Re:The best April Fool's

[Patch86]

I'm viewing every story for the next week as a potential April Fools.

All the same, this one is pretty convincing. It seems no more ridiculous than the world's biggest banks squandering billions on high risk ventures, their executives becoming super-rich in the process, and then being dished out billions by the tax payer with little hope of repayment.

Yeah, I wish it could be April Fools all year.

Re:The best April Fool's

[QuietObserver]

I very much agree. As I've pointed out to a few friends, the Balmer quote sounds very much like something I'd expect him to say.

April saves me money

[Swampash]

Because every year I get a regular reminder of why subscribing to Slashdot would be a waste of money.

Re:April saves me money

[syousef]

Because every year I get a regular reminder of why subscribing to Slashdot would be a waste of money.

I get that every time I post something that is worthwhile and it gets modded into oblivion by some fanboy with a 'tude.

Re:April saves me money

[Carnildo]

You mean the constant dupes and bad summaries aren't enough?

Slashdot was useless today

[Anonymous Coward]

Today it's just useless.

Today?

haha

[ADRA]

Too silly to be real; Too real to be fake; Too fake to be silly. So really, where does that leave the story?

Re:haha

[iminplaya]

Somewhere between Blizzard Shows Off Diablo III Archivist Class, WoW Dance-Off and Google Bans Tethering App From Android Market

Re:haha

[Jay L]

Too silly to be real; Too real to be fake; Too fake to be silly. So really, where does that leave the story?

Glenn Beck's show?

Re:haha

[Anonymous Coward]

Satire?

Re:haha

[Kingrames]

I go by a simple axiom:
It's all lies.
Even when it...
Scratch that, ESPECIALLY when it creates a paradox.

Re:haha

[awshidahak]

You idiot, you got my mind stuck in an infinate loop. Stupid n00bs writing sentences.

Re:haha

[notarockstar1979]

Honestly? It is probably something that happened in a back room somewhere. It certainly sounds like the same nonsense a lot of other people are spewing to get money. If I had an unreasonable hatred of Microsoft, I'd say they submitted the story as an April Fools joke just to keep anyone from reporting the real story, but I'm as unbiased as the rest of the commenters here at Slashdot....oh, wait....

Re:haha

[DamienNightbane]

Too silly to be real; Too real to be fake; Too fake to be silly. So really, where does that leave the story?

Slashdot.

Re:haha

[steelfood]

So really, where does that leave the story?

Front page of slashdot of course.

Re:haha

[Anonymous Coward]

On slashdot, of course.

Re:haha

[Skuld-Chan]

Thats the sad thing about this story is I wouldn't put it past them if it wasn't April 1st.

Re:haha

[Anonymous Coward]

Silly beats real.
Real beats fake.
Fake beats silly.

We all know the answer to this one.

Dynamite!

Too cool for this

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm totally to cool for this whole April Fools thing, because as everyone knows its only funny if no one does it

-1 Retard

[Anonymous Coward]

Doooofus

wait a minute here...

[je ne sais quoi]

Wait a minute here.... I read this story and I thought, well hey, a company tried to force on everyone a product that wasn't desirable for the consumer, waited a long time to deliver that product, and has a history of making some products that don't do so well, so is in deep trouble financially and might go under. Seemed pretty reasonable to me, isn't that how capitalism is supposed to work? If you don't make products that people want to buy, aren't you supposed to do poorly?

But then I remembered this is an April Fools joke. Since it's not true, and Microsoft is doing just fine, I thought about why it isn't true: either A) Microsoft really is making products that people want or B) Capitalism isn't working here. Regarding A, I suppose MS does make more decent products than bad ones, but I can't help but think of Microsoft as the GM of the auto-world 20 years ago in that they have a much larger market share than the quality of their products warrants (suggesting B). So I wonder when the Toyota of the operating system world is going to come along and eat MS' lunch? It must be nice to be a monopoly.

P.S. Please MS fanboys, try to remember that the troll or flamebait mods are not a substitute for an "I disagree that Vista was a failure" mod.

Re:wait a minute here...

[teknosapien]

Maybe the FOSS should ask for a bailout also?

Re:wait a minute here...

[je ne sais quoi]

Well, continuing with my auto analogy, if Microsoft is the GM of the operating systems, that makes FOSS the VW microbus. Yeah sure it kinda works, but you spend half your time repairing it and the other half the time using it with parts broken. (Oh, and it's most commonly used by bearded hippies.)

I joke, I joke! :) I actually think that a great way to stimulate the economy would be to make micro-grants (by gov. standards) to pay programmers to write FOS software. That way, the tax-payer gets a return on their investment by having better quality software that is freely available. Oh wait, that would be communism... (Incidentally, isn't that what the Google Summer of Code is?)

Re:wait a minute here...

[MichaelSmith]

Well, continuing with my auto analogy, if Microsoft is the GM of the operating systems, that makes FOSS the VW microbus.

And what is Android?

Re:wait a minute here...

[Ice Wewe]

Wait a minute here.... I read this story and I thought, well hey, a company tried to force on everyone a product that wasn't desirable for the consumer, waited a long time to deliver that product, and has a history of making some products that don't do so well, so is in deep trouble financially and might go under. Seemed pretty reasonable to me, isn't that how capitalism is supposed to work? If you don't make products that people want to buy, aren't you supposed to do poorly?

Gee, I was just thinking the same thing about GM and Chrysler, but of course they're a different story... somehow they're still in business. Capitalism at work, I suppose...

But then I remembered this is an April Fools joke.

Continually throwing money at companies that don't make products that consumers want or have the funds to purchase right now is no joke in my opinion. My children are going to be paying for our choices for many years to come, and they may not even have General Motors around to show for it.

Hypothetically, if we used Microsoft and Apple as an example for the car industry. What if Apple had a sudden upsurge in market share? Is that because they make a product that consumers want? Just because Apple's market share is increasing doesn't mean that they have a better product, it just means that consumers are choosing them more over the competition. Even though the Mac generally cost more than the average PC does, Apple still manages to make inroads in their market share.

Consider the automotive world. GM and Toyota, while the market shares are vastly more proportional, the same sort of logic applies. Why is GM doing so badly compared to other car manufacturers? I'd have to say that the reasons for Apple and Toyota's increased market share are the same, despite their completely different industries, and that reason is innovation. GM has this marvelous idea for a hybrid, the Volt. Oh, did I say marvelous? I meant horrible. The Volt will go a stunning 60 miles before the gas motor kicks in, and when it does, kiss your good gas mileage goodbye. Compare that to the Toyota Prius, already on the market, affordable, and it gets over 45MPG on average. Doesn't even seem like a comparison to me.

Re:wait a minute here...

[tahpot]

The alternative is that capitalism works, but can take some time.

Microsoft has a lot of cash which is why it is still so strong. It's current products are coming under increasing pressure from open source, the web etc. So this may not last forever - unless of course they get a bailout.

Re:wait a minute here...

[AtOMiCNebula]

We should all ask for a bailout!

Re:wait a minute here...

[maxume]

GM's single biggest problem is that they have huge health care and pension obligations to fund (lots of jackasses on TV 'simplify' this down to an hourly labor cost of ~$70, which is pretty disingenuous). Their vehicles are generally of market equivalent quality (they do make too many different vehicles), they just can't sell anywhere near the number of cars required to meet their obligations.

25 years ago, the union would have done well to demand that GM pay them enough so that they could meet their desired future compensation goals, rather than agreeing that GM was likely to keep growing forever and accepting promises to fund pensions and healthcare.

Re:wait a minute here...

[drinkypoo]

B) Capitalism isn't working here

The system was manipulated, Microsoft was found to be guilty of abusing a monopoly position, then let off scot-free. Some are trying to resurrect the idea of penalties in the US gov't these days.

Re:wait a minute here...

[theheadlessrabbit]

Well, continuing with my auto analogy, if Microsoft is the GM of the operating systems, that makes FOSS the VW microbus.

but I thought FOSS was sort of like M1 tanks, made of space-age materials, and packed full of sophisticated technology, modified to never break down.

are you mixing up your analogies?

Re:wait a minute here...

[amiga3D]

I wonder how many boxed copies of Windoze they actually do sell. I know most people have it imposed on them when they buy a peecee and I've seen lot's of upgraded computers running a pirated copy of XP. I've seen all those boxes of licensed copies of windoze at Office Depot but I don't think I've ever seen anyone buy one. Someone must I suppose.

Re:wait a minute here...

[innocence18]

A scooter

Re:wait a minute here...

[MichaelSmith]

A scooter

Thats a good analogy because you know around the world scooters are everywhere.

Re:wait a minute here...

[Javaman59]

Microsoft has a lot of cash which is why it is still so strong. It's current products are coming under increasing pressure from open source, the web etc. So this may not last forever...

That sounded plausible in 1999, but 10 years later it has the same ring as YOLOTD.

Or did I just fall for April Fool's? :)

Re:wait a minute here...

[shadowbearer]

  Bailout for what? Nevermind that "the FOSS" is not a corporation...

  WTF are you talking about? Do you even know?

SB

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

And what is Android?

The Batmobile

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

This hired guys are scary.

Re:wait a minute here...

[PingPongBoy]

>if Microsoft is the GM of the operating systems

There's the mistake.

Who isn't asking for a bailout? Ford. What does Ford stand for? Fix Or Repair Daily.
The analogy is striking. A company that has made really crappy products doesn't need a bailout. Maybe Ford understand the market better than GM, and Microsoft is really the Ford of software rather than GM.

Ford may be struggling, but it may have foreseen the need to struggle, and planned to be just a struggler. In the car industry, a struggler may be the kind that survives because they survival rather than profits is the strategy. A paradoxical psychology and philosophy and maybe not accurate, but Microsoft may be the master of this strategy--big profits while merely struggling with Windows and Office. The computing industry is based on quantum mechanics, and quantum mechanics involves not a continuum, which is related to continuous technological improvement and company growth, but discrete levels, which is related to megajumps in technological advancement. Microsoft knows its software can only improve marginally until the next quantum leap in technology. The wait may be long so Microsoft keeps up sales with crap that gets better with a upgrade path. Brilliant.

Re:wait a minute here...

[lordSaurontheGreat]

Oh, I thought Linux and GNU was just a bunch of really pissed off programmers who got mad at <OS goes here> and wanted to try and do it better. As a result the product is esoteric and only really usable by other programmers and half-programmers known as IT specialists.

The Linux desktop phenomenon was just a bunch of half-IT specialists (call them "power users") egging the programmers into writing stuff that they (the programmers) think is better than <OS goes here>, repeat ad nauseam.

That's what I think Linux is. And for all the instability and potential collapse that could happen with Linux, it runs my website.

Crazy...

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

I wasn't really following you there at first, but the car analogy really brought it home for me. Thanks!

Re:wait a minute here...

[Tom]

So I wonder when the Toyota of the operating system world is going to come along and eat MS' lunch?

The metaphers aren't compairable.

Now if GM had managed to have roads built so they only work with their cars, then you'd have an analogy. The core reason that MS manages to sustain their monopoly despite their epic failures (Vista just being the latest one) is the lock-in, namely that switching is more painful then continuing to eat shit.

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

minix is still in it's prototype phase.

Re:wait a minute here...

[drinkypoo]

Linux = M1, Hurd = Microbus. HTH, HAND. P.S. The original microbus is a fucking paragon of engineering, and anyone who says different doesn't understand time cube.

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

Capitalism works just fine--when it's allowed to. Microsoft has that pesky government-granted monopoly called 'copyright' (not to mention patents). Imagine how much fairer the software market would be had they not had that significant advantage. Even then, it amazes me how the free market manages to shine through, no wonder how much it's being put down--which is why this story is actually believable.

Re:wait a minute here...

[p0tat03]

The analogy works... FOSS is like an M1 tank - made with space-age materials, packed full of sophisticated technology, and also complicated as hell to drive, and offers none of the creature comforts that regular drivers demand.

Ubuntu in this case will probably be an M1 tank with plush leather seats ;)

Re:wait a minute here...

[Anonymous Coward]

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Because I CHOOSE to buy a PC with Linux, Mac OS X, *OR* Windows, Microsoft is *NOT* a monopoly. Please, quit repeating lies and misinformation because it detracts from your real argument, which seems to simply be you hate Microsoft just "because."

Re:wait a minute here...

[BitZtream]

OSS would be more like an unassembled bicycle with missing parts that only comes in rust brown.

Practically useless as a replacement, but people try it anyway. Some manage to get by on it, but everyone else watching just keeps wondering why?

Re:wait a minute here...

[Mateo_LeFou]

"Oh wait, that would be communism... "

Capitalism (apparently):
1. Govt. uses public money to fund research & development.
2. Govt. hands output of said R&D to corps, to patent, productize, and profit!

Communism (I guess):
1. Govt uses public money to fund software development.
2. Govt gives output of said development to the public at no charge.

Man, it's so hard to choose..

Re:wait a minute here...

[je ne sais quoi]

I was thinking in particular about linux on the desktop and in particular compiz versus the graphics drivers. You and the parent are right though, if I didn't fiddle with it and just used stable software, it would be like a tank. Not the M1 though -- it's a real gas guzzler whose stops for refueling caused Iraqi tanks to escape in 1991 (according to General Schwarzkopf). Also, it's not clear how well it would function in a real drawn out battle, not only is it a gas guzzler, but in a place like Iraq it needs to have it's air filters replaced every so often, which is another delay.

NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[koterica]

In a press release on Wednesday, Mr. Taco, the head of the online news site Slashdot, announced that the website had run out of stories.

In a twitter based inquiry to take place tomorrow. congressmen are expected to ask Mr. Taco if he drove his own Internets to Washington DC.

An anonymous source within the White House quoted President Obama as saying that "Things are tough. They may have to make do with LOLcats for a while."

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[GaryOlson]

And after a plethora of high risk duplicate stories, the Firehose collapsed. The complex transactions of default editor swaps attempting to present themselves as trustworthy news aggregates failed. The resulting chaos has led to hyperinflation of Funny and Insightful moderation points; and deflation of Informative moderation points.

CmdrTaco has been seen giving Congressional testimony asking for an infusion of Moderator points. Other cowardly anonymous sources have hinted at Chinese infiltration attempts which have deleted posts which do not conform to groupthink -- thus further diluting the value of non-negative Moderation. kdawson has caught negative press for receiving a 15 million Moderation points bonus despite questionable results.

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[Repton]

How could slashdot possibly run out of stories? They've got over ten years' worth of them to keep posting!

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[koterica]

When asked to justify his Moderation Bonus, kdawdson stated to congress "You see, the internet isn't just a series of tubes that you can climb over. Its more like a car: Its going really fast, no one wants to fill the tank, and no one pays attention to the hood until there is a flame war."
Congressman Don Young of Alaska was heard to reply "The wheels on the internet go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the internet go round and round all night long."

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[GaryOlson]

...and Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden gave a standing ovation...again.

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[Anonymous Coward]

(the Slashdot wet dream) Chris DiBona was just promoted to Vice President, Media Relations at Google. Competition with Microsoft and Yahoo is brutal, so Chris knew he needed to fill his 15 open reqs as quickly as possible. And what folks would he rather share a technology foxhole with than the people he once worked with in his previous job. Wouldn't it be great, thought DiBona, if the entire team at Slashdot moved en masse to Google, where they could share their expertise with the top talent in the industry between massages and subsidized lunches from talented chefs?

Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout

[shadowbearer]

  PETA will also be there, asking what they did with the ponies.

SB

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

still 4.1.09 in Indiana too... they must be in Greenwich. Sorry chumps, go back to Liverpool.

In Microsoft's defence...

[GBC]

...think how much they have had to spend on chairs over the years.

At the very least..

[RulerOf]

At the very least, the headline was kind of funny!

...And at the same time, it's really, really sad that that headline can be funny at all...

But it is true

[fermion]

There is probably not a major player that is not receiving a bailout. We know that MS is getting a new federally funded bridge, and who knows what else. Who know what MS executives lobbied for and got that would directly or indirectly benefit them personally or professionally. We have seen them corrupt the H1B visa system, and then give the finger to country that provided Bill Gates with resources and education by saying the would move to Canada. In Canada they would certainly have health care, but would they get 50% discount on a luxury bridge?

Re:But it is true

[westlake]

We know that MS is getting a new federally funded bridge

Redmond is getting a new bridge and Microsoft is paying half.

Redmond has a population of around 46,000.

Microsoft employs about 30,000 full time workers and owns or leases around 8,000,000 square feet of - presumably taxable - office space in or near the city.

Re:But it is true

[complete loony]

Plus staff and visitors commuting between their buildings clog up the same streets that everyone in town uses. Building a bridge helps the whole community.

Re:But it is true

[Anonymous Coward]

I look at the Redmond bridge deal as analogous to some stadium deals that go on around the country.

Every 30 years or so each professional sports franchise (especially in football) seems to "need" a new stadium in order to be "viable". There's a right way and a wrong way for a city or state to respond to this. The wrong way is for the government to put up a lot of the money for building the stadium, or procuring the site for the stadium. That's just corporate welfare funded by the taxpayers, perhaps driven by fear of loss of community self-esteem. The right way is for the team owners to put up the money to build the stadium, and the state to kick in some tax breaks and also fund some infrastructure improvements to handle the increased traffic, plumbing, and power requirements. This is not welfare, but is in recognition of the substantial economic benefits that are being provided by the sports franchise.

From what I've heard, this Microsoft bridge deal falls in the latter category, an infrastructure improvement on public land to complement a private business that provides major economic benefit to the community.

Re:But it is true

[im_thatoneguy]

Amen.

A vast majority of the traffic problems around Redmond are Microsoft related. Anything that gets Microsofties out of my way is a welcome development.

Re:But it is true

[Anonymous Coward]

As someone who lives in the greater Seattle area. MS like a lot of US companies shelters most of it's tax money by setting up it's headquarters in Reno.

Aside from employing a lot of people, MS is not good for Redmond or it's area. They demand a lot and don't give very much back.

Re:It's April 2 now

[nsolon]

moran

I can't believe no one looks at their status bar

[shtychkn]

before they click on links.

Re:I can't believe no one looks at their status ba

[beav007]

You appear to be assuming that people click the links...

Dammit!

[Anachragnome]

I REALLY need to stop reading the news on April 1st.

I can't decide what is a fucking joke and what isn't. This story and the CNN story about drug testing all unemployment/foodstamp recipients sounded equally foolish to me.

 

Re:Dammit!

[Achromatic1978]

So here is the link to the original story at the news source. See if it provides any hints. I'll provide a pointer in the general direction: www.infoworld.com/article/09/04/01/13NF-microsoft- April-Fools_1 .html.

Did you catch it?

Re:Dammit!

[mazarin5]

Yeah, I know it's right in front of me, but how am I supposed to know what 13NF stands for?

Re:Dammit!

[Anachragnome]

Uh...whoosh?

Distilled down...and the meat in my post.

"This story and the CNN story about drug testing all unemployment/foodstamp recipients sounded equally foolish to me."

The story on CNN wasn't a joke...oh, never mind.

Re:Dammit!

[jlarocco]

...drug testing all unemployment/foodstamp recipients sounded equally foolish to me

That actually sounds like a good idea IMO. I'm completely against foodstamps and unemployment, but if we're going to give tax money to bums, I'd like to at least know they actually need it for reason other than they've spent all their other money getting wasted.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't April fools shenanigans generally end at noon though?...

The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[tjstork]

Face with an ever increasing mountain of debt, the US Government today has asked Microsoft for a bailout. Under the terms of the bailout, Microsoft Windows licenses will be exchanged with holders of Treasury Bonds to help the USA reduce its debt.

The Chinese Government expressed great interest in the deal. "We were thinking about using Linux, but knowing that we now have the rights to sell 5 billion copies of Microsoft products allows us to settle the debt the Americans have with us, and helps us become a software super power." Under the terms of the new arrangement, every house in China will receive their choice of Visual Studio Team System, Windows Server, or a lot of games.

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[Pfhorrest]

I know this is supposed to be a joke, and I'm sick today so maybe my brain isn't working quite right... but something actually seems rather insightful about this suggestion.

Software is something of genuine market value (in any country that has effective copyright laws to create artificial scarcity, at least) that can be reproduced virtually for free. Seems like the perfect thing to get someone out of debt. Invest in it once and then rake in the dough.

Perhaps the US Gov't could arrange licences with certain highly successful software companies to trade *them* (the software companies) treasury bonds in exchange for licences to distribute those highly successful software packages (perhaps only internationally, reserving the domestic market to the private sector). Use the proceeds from that to pay down foreign debt. That still leaves the US Gov't with debt to some major US companies, which is a less than ideal situation, but certainly preferable to debt to foreign states: at least when that debt gets paid off, the money goes to business in the US, and therefrom to the employees of those businesses, and back around into the US economy.

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[shadowbearer]

  Or several tens of millions of xboxes ;)

SB

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[drinkypoo]

Where have you been for the last ten years that you haven't noticed the US trying to foist its vision of IP law off on the rest of the world, and the rest of the world struggling valiantly to tell the mafia goon "no thanks"? In order to distribute that stuff under profitable terms you have to have western IP law which isn't working out well for financial stability in the west. Anyway, that idea was already proven to be unworkable, which is why the Gates Foundation won't provide vaccinations to your country for free unless you provide full patent protection for pharmaceutical companies. Again, the purpose of their for-profit venture (they make for-profit investments in corporations which are doing direct medical harm to people they're giving vaccinations to, pretty much proving hypocrisy) is to push western IP law. Hopefully you were just kidding anyway :/ HHOS = FAIL in this case.

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[Anonymous Coward]

I have a better idea, how about no. How about we relieve our own debts by signing a piece of paper that says, "These debts are no longer valid for any country that benefited (was graciously allowed by the USA to maintain it's faux-sovereignty) from the USA winning WW1 and WW2?" If you complain to international forums and/or try to collect on them we will retaliate with gifts of mass bombings. Should anyone actually do the aforementioned, we make good on our promise to deliver those gifts. Finally, we rebuild that country and sign a new piece of paper that says they are now in debt to us for the cost of destroying *AND* rebuilding them.

If we did that we could wipe out most of our European debt, and all of our Asian debt.

PS)Since the world openly hates on the USA anyway, who fucking cares if this plan shows a lack of compassion? What benefit are these foreign countries *ACTUALLY* providing me with, aside from a total abundance of cheaply made shit? I for one would much rather pay more for a top quality widget produced by skilled 1st world laborers, than make repeated purchases for the same bottom quality widget produced by unskilled 3rd world laborers!

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[Pfhorrest]

You seem to have missed this bit from my post (I'll emphasize the important part):

Software is something of genuine market value (in any country that has effective copyright laws to create artificial scarcity, at least)

I don't believe in the moral legitimacy of intellectual property; in fact I hold that intellectual property rights are logically incompatible with physical property rights, and the latter take precedence. However, the whole damn credit market is dealing in largely imaginary goods anyway (although slightly more real than "intellectual" goods), so if we're working within that system anyway, using one to solve the other doesn't seem any worse. Also, my proposal doesn't require any of the US's more draconian IP laws, just basic copyright law of any sort, like most of the civilized world already has (for better or for worse).

Re:The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout

[Anonymous Coward]

The US won WW1?

In related news...

[Anonymous Coward]

US Representatives today roundly criticized Microsoft for paying a $20 million bonus to Jerry Seinfeld for his work on the Vista ad campaign. "He doesn't even deserve Microsoft's money," one Congressman reportedly said, "let alone the taxpayer's."

The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[refactored]

...is you have to put up with two full days of April Fools crap.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[actionbastard]

+1 truly funny.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[f1vlad]

:) and we have to put up with being blamed being 24 hr late with Apr 1 jokes.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny, I thought the remaining 363 days of the beehive was an ongoing joke as well. Not to mention the 2 lane motorways with stop signs, the recent train cars purchased that don't fit in the tunnel (Wairapa line), the entire ACC program and the still unresolved treaty issues.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[Repton]

Mod parent -1 catastrophically ignorant.

There's no way our politicians would work for 363 days in a year.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[altek]

But other than that, isn't NZ pretty f'in awesome?

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[LaskoVortex]

...is you have to put up with two full days of April Fools crap.

No, the really sad part is how they are a bunch of whiners--so much so that they complain about April Fool's jokes.

Re:The really sad thing about New Zealand...

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

the recent train cars purchased that don't fit in the tunnel (Wairapa line)

When did this happen?

This is a reach...

[actionbastard]

Even for /. on 04/01. Try to do better next year...

Re:This is a reach...

[3vi1]

The story would have been better if it had included the information that Microsoft plans to use the money to split themselves into two companies or integrate the Linux kernel into Windows to become more profitable.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

you are posted time? what does that mean?

Re:It's April 2 now

[nacturation]

Funny, that. Just yesterday you were claiming it's April 1st when it was really March 31st. Stop living in the future, man!

Says the CEO

[kwabbles]

On financial Microsoft problems:
"We want to make it absolutely clear that this is not a crisis of mismanagement,"

- Steve Ballmer
(aka the guy who manages Microsoft)

Windows Live Bailout

[MillionthMonkey]

Nobody is going to get all excited and upset about this bailout. All you need to know is that it's Microsoft's idea, and suddenly you're unable to care.

Gullibility

[Anonymous Coward]

GAH I fall for all these stupid articles. I believed google's toilet thing a year or two back too!

Re:It's April 2 now

[Runaway1956]

Yeah, still 9 1/2 more hours for some people to get in on the act.  (it's 20:35 United States Central time as I write this)

Dang...

[Chris O'Regan]

Who here was cackling evilly when they read this? I was hoping Obama would fire Balmer.

Re:It's April 2 now

[ais523]

Nah, I make my timezone claims in UTC. It must have been someone else who claimed that.

This is not crisis, this is just start of it

[HollyMolly-1122]

Does it main problem is dollar ? Ok. What about gold or other rare metals ? The Vista than should be evaluated in milligrams or milli-pounds of gold ? Anyway - it is evaluated against clear mind. And it's surprising for someone that XP still wins windows.

Re:This is not crisis, this is just start of it

[Anonymous Coward]

i take it english isn't your first or even second language?

Re:It's April 2 now

[Achromatic1978]

Uhh, you realize that all April Fool's Jokes are meant to be done by 12PM on April 1?

Re:It's April 2 now

[samriel]

still 4.1.09 in Indiana too... they must be in Greenwich. Sorry chumps, go back to Liverpool.

Funny thing about Indiana, the state's "toe" will be April 1 for an hour longer than the rest of the state. Thanks, Central Time Zone/Eastern Time Zone border retardation!

That said, I get an extra hour of tomfoolery than the majority of the state. :P

I'm not really known....

[NewYorkCountryLawyer]

for having a good sense of humor. And further evidence of how bad my sense of humor is, is the fact that I found this article hysterical.

Re:I'm not really known....

[Anonymous Coward]

dude, i know you like to think you're the shit around here but really? no one gives a fuck what you think about anything outside of stealing music. limit your comments to that and we'll get along just fine. otherwise you're nothing but a bitch running your mouth when it's not wanted.

Re:I'm not really known....

[Kalriath]

I've never seen you, and this comment gave me an image of a fellow in a black suit with a briefcase laughing maniacally.

Frightening, it is.

I'm surprised no one tried "In a surprising twist of irony, renowned lawyer Ray Beckerman has taken on a role with the Recording Industry Association of America as chief litigator".

Re:I'm not really known....

[NewYorkCountryLawyer]

I've never seen you, and this comment gave me an image of a fellow in a black suit with a briefcase laughing maniacally. Frightening, it is. I'm surprised no one tried "In a surprising twist of irony, renowned lawyer Ray Beckerman has taken on a role with the Recording Industry Association of America as chief litigator".

Because every well crafted April Fools joke has to have a large grain of truth and initially sound plausible; no one would have bought that one for a second.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Runaway1956]

Perhaps you have a city ordinance which specifies such a thing.  I live in Backwoods, Nowhere, and such ordinances don't apply here.  I may seek my amusement whenever and wherever I wish.  Hell, I can wait til next week to do my own April joke, and not worry about some silly rule about silly conduct.

I Hate April Fool's Day Stories

[gadlaw]

I really hate April Fools Day crap online. It's not funny. If I wanted funny I'd go read the Onion.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

moran

is that an irish moron?

Re:New and Improved 'Net Plumbing? Not So Fast

[Kalriath]

Holy crap, that (troll?) was funnier than the article!

oh gosh

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft has been doing do much bad stuff and still winnind, cant tell if this is a joke or is real...what has the world come to

The scarry thing

[Anonymous Coward]

The scary thing is that this sounds exactlly like something M$ would do...and the reasoning given all fits M$ too!

Re:It's April 2 now

[palegray.net]

Wouldn't that be (UTC) +1 British?

ohmigosh

[Drumforyourlife]

Haha that's great. My initial reaction was anger, as the whole financial thing has got me all steamed anyway... but then I remembered what company we're talking about here. subtle, but effective. I must admit I was fooled.

Re:It's April 2 now

[TheMightyFuzzball]

GMT +1

How dare you!

[actionbastard]

Insult one of the few individuals who is willing to stand up for your God-given right to steal copyrighted material. You, sir, owe Mr. Beckerman an apology!

What if it really happens in April 1, 2015?

[Ilgaz]

This is a April 1 joke but spare some time to think what if it really happens in the future, especially if you are a Developer who has put all eggs on Microsoft/Windows basket. Can't happen? Trust me, it happens. If someone came and told Amiga will be dead while we use that Amiga 500 miracle, we would laugh at his face.

Look to what happened to General Motors giant, especially them since they never thought about future may change, people may really pay more money to smaller cars made by companies they joked about just 5 years before.

Re:What if it really happens in April 1, 2015?

[drinkypoo]

If someone came and told Amiga will be dead while we use that Amiga 500 miracle, we would laugh at his face.

History is full of examples of an inferior technology winning out for non-technical reasons. The failure of Tucker comes immediately to mind when you think about the other side of that equation. In the American market we have seldom adopted the best technology - when it happens it is mostly by chance.

Re:What if it really happens in April 1, 2015?

[Anonymous Coward]

"especially if you are a Developer who has put all eggs on Microsoft/Windows basket."

This is never a good idea, particularly when one corporation controls the basket. At the very least, Amiga can be developed for now since the specs are floating around on the tubes. If microsoft disappeared, all the idiots who decided that using word 2007 and visual basic was a good idea will not only be out of a job, but also will have to have all their work redone before the point at which the original stuff stops working (microsoft goes out of business and the online registration systems would be offline lockout systems).

It is no longer the amiga compatibility situation. Microsoft has upped the ante. Anyone who buys into this now *cannot* reasonably defend themselves.

If this is an April Fool's joke, at least it's a damned good one. I've been expecting this to happen for a good five or ten years now.

That's a wrap

[davmoo]

Slashdot just totally jumped the shark with this one.

Re:That's a wrap

[drinkypoo]

You must be new here. (That's three AF comments I've found so far which are best-answered with this old saw. This is the first one by someone with a UID < half mine, though.)

Re:It's April 2 now

[soren202]

Noon?

Even I think that's a bit harsh. Many days, I'm still sleeping at such an early hour.

Re:It's April 2 now

[arminw]

It's 4+ more hours in Redmond WA before April 1 is over

Re:It's April 2 now

[iminplaya]

It's always April 1st in the United States.

Re:It's April 2 now

[gsgriffin]

The Brits are always negative.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Mark_in_Brazil]

Uhh, you realize that all April Fool's Jokes are meant to be done by 12PM on April 1?

By noon? Why? Where is that written? I could see everyone agreeing that April Fool's jokes should end by 23:59:59 on April 1 (or let's say before 00:00 or 12:00 AM on April 2) without it being written somewhere, but I think it would be very hard to make people do their April foolin' before lunch on April Fool's Day.

The other thing is that I'm in Brazil, an hour ahead of any US time zone, and as I'm typing this, I've still got 5 minutes on the 1st of April, so people in the US are still quite safely on the right day. And as the Slashdot FAQ says, Slashdot is "U.S.-centric."

Re:It's April 2 now

[shermo]

Its JUST NO CHALLENGE IF YOU HIGHLIGHT THE MISTAKE.

Make the grammar police work a bit harder next time.

Is this a joke?

[Hordeking]

I sure hope this is an April Fool's joke. But then again, Larry Flynt asking for bailouts for the porn industry would've been much more believable, and funny for this one.

This is just sad. It's like the power company asking to raise rates because they're not making as much money because people are reducing the use of electricity (and power companies urge saving power).

Support Linux if you don't like bailouts!

Re:It's April 2 now

[jebrew]

I don't know nothin' 'bout no fancy timey zones, but your postin' says you done it "Wednesday April 01,@08:41PM"...by my reconin' that there's a...strange way to write the date...I never noticed before...really? ",@"?

Better Microsoft than...

[admiral201]

At least if we gave Microsoft the money, we'd probably earn a positive return on it. Unlike, say, AIG or GM. I'm all for it.

$20 billion would be enough to buy 100 million licenses of Windows at retail rates. Maybe the string should be that all US citizens then get an unlimited number of non-transferable Windows licenses?

(Yes, I know it's a joke.)

Re:Better Microsoft than...

[cheros]

Yeah, cute. You're forgetting that MS has yet to contribute to the economy in the form of taxes, and even jobs are now exported so there's no contribution there either.

It's interesting to see the US hollering about so-called tax havens but gingerly stepping around the corporate abuse in their own country. And that's not a joke.

Did you just do th

[shermo]

at?

The fight against running titles into the body has been lost. If Ray Beckerman condones it, I give up.

Re:Did you just do th

[NewYorkCountryLawyer]

I wasn't even aware that there was a "fight against running titles into the body". If I had known, I might have joined the struggle. (Of course I don't know which side I would have been on.)

Well if this was a true story...

[DreadfulGrape]

... the upside would be that Obama could then fire Ballmer.

Too Big to Fail?

[Anonymous Coward]

Am I the only one who doesn't understand the concept of being "too big to fail" in a capitalist system?

It just seems like a strange confession from a company currently fighting anti-trust suits...

Re:It's April 2 now

[ub3r n3u7r4l1st]

They are the same thing essentially. I need to remember all these European time zones so that I won't miss a live football game.

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice...

[dschmit1]

You ain't fooling me again!

THIS IS A BRIDGE?!?!?!

[Anonymous Coward]

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/interactive/2009/03/us/image.microsoft.overpass/large.overpass.redmond.jpg  Interrogative, Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot, over.

Re:THIS IS A BRIDGE?!?!?!

[dragonjujotu]

They don't want them CEO's looking over the side and seeing fewer and fewer cars on the freeway?

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

12PM on April 1 where exactly. Lookup how far ahead New Zealand is in relation to GMT, then look up Alaska. Compare the two. Do the math. Don't strain yourself.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Goldberg's Pants]

Let me just say FUCK YOU SLASHDOT! Every year you pull this shit and it's never funny. Last actual funny thing you did on this stupid fucktard of a day was the pig latin.

Once again, FUCK YOU! Try actually being professional next year, kthxbye.

Does anyone remember that Fox News "comedy" show..

[The Ultimate Fartkno]

...that lasted for about a week?

Yeah, this post was exactly like that. "DUUUR HUR HUR! I HAB SEENZ TEH COMEDY AND THIS AM THAT!"

Seriously. The fact that it's April Fool's doesn't mean that you can just slap a turd on the screen and we're all going to dislocate a vertebra snorfling at it because it happens to be about computers. That story was absolute shit by any journalistic, comedic, nerdic, geekic, or other-ic standards. OMGPONIES! was frigging Moliere compared to that bucket of Jenkem.

Why not ask Bill Gates for a loan?

[Bones3D_mac]

I'm sure Bill would spot them a few billion to help out our economy... he is a philanthropist, after all...

I want to help

[BCW2]

It should take a 3 inch diameter nozzle to give Balmer a $1 Billion enema right?

Re:I want to help

[Anonymous Coward]

3 inch? You don't appreciate the scale of that problem.

To illustrate, if you would accidentally switch from "blow" to "suck" (which would be appropriate in the face of the quality of what MS puts out, but I digress) you're likely to lose all your equipment. And there still would be space for a old style London double decker bus.

His position requires getting used to people and objects up the rear end.

One of the many sad things about New Zealand...

[Max Littlemore]

...is you have to put up with two full days of April Fools crap.

(See subject) There, fixed that for you.

Re:One of the many sad things about New Zealand...

[SoupIsGoodFood_42]

What are the others?

Re:One of the many sad things about New Zealand...

[rJah]

Probably thousands upon thousands of LOTR fans asking: "Hey, do you know where the entrance to Moria is?"

Isn't that backwards?

[G_of_the_J]

I thought the Feds were asking Microsoft for a financial bailout.

Too Big?

[Anonymous Coward]

If they are too big to fail why do they need a bailout?

Re:It's April 2 now

[shadowbearer]

If you hate it so much, boycott slashdot.

SB

Re:It's April 2 now

[shadowbearer]

  That's the most insightful post I've seen today.

SB

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

Wouldn't that be (UTC) +1 British?

You darn brits! always looking at the POSITIVE side ;)

Re:It's April 2 now

[nsolon]

No, that's an o'moran. Seriously... it was a reference to this because of BrainstormOC's use of "YOU'RE" in capital letters. Oh well.

Re:It's April 2 now

[shift3]

Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa..... This is not my batman glass...

Re:It's April 2 now

[XnavxeMiyyep]

I actually thought it was pretty funny when they posted ridiculous, but true, articles. Can't remember what year that was though.

$10,000,000.00

[reiisi]

What are you planning to do, buy SCO and finally put them out of our misery?

lol wut

[Alex Belits]

(pear goes here)

Give it up, Ballmer

[twoears]

Pull my finger. You're no Larry Flynt.

if ...

[reiisi]

If Microsoft were showing the slightest interest in restoring balance to the marketplace,

If Microsoft were showing the slightest real interest in undoing the damage their software has done to the internet,

If Microsoft were showing the slightest indication of getting away from the sieve security models they've been using to enable bad software to keep running in spite of the damage it has already done (and will continue do) to the internet,

If the money they have hadn't been taken by fraudulently selling feature lists instead of real features, ...

The problem is Microsoft. Where they are a burden to the infrastructure, they should foot the bill for fixing the problems they've caused.

The entire bill.

Re:if ...

[jcrousedotcom]

This is going to sound anti-Linux and 100% Microsoft. It is not meant to be - just get tired of folks bashing a company who has done well and profited. I am not anti-Linux. In fact, we run Linux and Unix boxes along with MS and Novell boxes here at the office, and I have both Linux and MS at home and they both serve their purposes very well.

If Microsoft were showing the slightest interest in restoring balance to the marketplace,

Microsoft - hate them or like them, is a business. That's what Business do - they are not interested in 'restoring the balance' or giving their earnings away to other competitors who have not done as well...

If Microsoft were showing the slightest real interest in undoing the damage their software has done to the internet,

What damage? Without MS products, most of the average users wouldn't know *how* to use the Internet. Not everyone is technically astute like the folks here on /.

If Microsoft were showing the slightest indication of getting away from the sieve security models they've been using to enable bad software to keep running in spite of the damage it has already done (and will continue do) to the internet,

Because all the software developed OSS and all the software on Linux and Macs is rock solid? I just spent 20 minutes applying patches to my Linux router (IPCop) this morning, which patched their software, core kernel stuff, core TCP/IP services. That's because the software was written by imperfect humans, there are going to be mistakes that someone can exploit.

If the money they have hadn't been taken by fraudulently selling feature lists instead of real features, ...

I don't follow? Something specific you're referencing?

The problem is Microsoft. Where they are a burden to the infrastructure, they should foot the bill for fixing the problems they've caused.

Or none of it and the city / county / state (whoever is responsible for transportation costs in that state, it varies state to state) could just figure out how they're going to deal with the traffic troubles without any help.

I saw an earlier response to someone's "just tax them more to pay for it" that read something to the effect of "that's killing the goose that lays the golden eggs." I don't know what other industry is in Redmond outside of Microsoft. I am not saying there isn't any, I am just saying I don't know. Perhaps MS could move away from there, build somewhere else that has better infrastructure and it be no worries for the city of Redmond but I suspect that they derive a good portion of their tax revenue from both the company and from the employees that live / work / eat / spend in that city.

I know I will probably be modded down for being perceived as pro MS but I am really just trying to be pro-capitalism. Like them or hate them, they have done a lot for the PC market and probably the computer market as a whole. I won't for a second say they're perfect and probably not my favorite group of folks. All I am saying is - don't hate them because they have a successful business model.

what?

[Debug0x2a]

Can I be bailed out from using Windows? President Ubama?

Re:It's April 2 now

[mqduck]

I've never heard that in my life. But the One True Source of All Knowledge enlightens us:

'Traditionally, in some countries, the jokes only last until noon: like UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and South Africa, someone who plays a trick after noon is called an "April Fool".[1] Elsewhere, such as in Ireland, France, and the USA, the jokes last all day.'

Re:It's April 2 now

[Hal_Porter]

April 1st last much longer than that in Redmond.

Re:It's April 2 now

[settantta]

No such time as 12 PM (or 12 AM either for that matter). The abbreviations "AM" and "PM" mean "Ante Meridian" (before noon) and "Post Meridian" (after noon) respectively. It can only ever be 12 noon or 12 midnight.

I support this

[Anonymous Coward]

I fully support giving Microsoft a bailout and would happily contribute some of my earnings

Please Stop!

[Rennt]

For the love of God - please stop with the font tags! I'll defend to the death (figuratively) your right to say whatever you like, but not your right to use small, ugly fonts to do it!

Re:It's April 2 now

[LaskoVortex]

Dear sir: the round hard thing with bark on it is a stick. You would feel better if you pulled it out of your ass. If you did this, you might lighten up a little and improve your chances of getting laid at some point. APRIL FOOLS!!! You are never going to get laid!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

April Fool's is dead and gone...

[PinkyDead]

...and you're the fool to carry it on.

Mmmmmm achievements

[cameronjdunn]

This story looks sufficiently april-foolsy...

To get the "April Fool" achievement. But is that a good achievement? But achievement points are numbers... and this will increase my overall number... so that's good, right? Even though it sounds a bit dumb to be forever marked as an "april fool"...

Hang on, Microsoft are getting a bailout? That's crazy, why do I pay my taxes if the crypto-fascists are just going to give them all to Bill Gates and that lady who isn't cool enough to be a mac person? This is an outrage!

Re:It's April 2 now

[mad flyer]

Nope, in France since we have Sarkozy, it's all year long...

I wouldn't put is past Ballmer

[secondhand_Buddah]

I know this is an April fools joke, but I wouldn't put it past Steve Balmer to try and pull a stunt like this...

Re:It's April 2 now

[Anonymous Coward]

And in the USA we have Obama's teleprompter and Joe Biden. Cheers!

Re:It's April 2 now

[SL Baur]

Its JUST NO CHALLENGE IF YOU HIGHLIGHT THE MISTAKE.

Nope.

Make the grammar police work a bit harder next time.

We spelling and grammar police always get our man.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Starayo]

Traditional my ass. It's just people sore at being tricked trying to impose an arbitrary rule to turn it around on us.

Re:It's April 2 now

[teh kurisu]

Only in the UK as far as I know. We had fun explaining that one to our American maths teacher back in high school who, unsurprisingly, didn't believe us.

Totally agree....

[crhylove]

Provided Microsoft builds a time machine, goes back in time, and deletes Windows ME, and Vista, I totally think they should get government money. Until they develop that technology, FUCK MICROSOFT.

With a fucking PITCH FORK!

Running titles is good, literate practice

[Kupfernigk]

No-one will ever read this post, but actually running titles into the body is a long custom and practice. The Pope uses it for Encyclicals, and in the OT books are named by their first word, so that the first word of the Bible, Bereshit, is also the name of the first book. (Ray, being Jewish, will know that. And his posts are almost always (a) pithy and (b) literate.

So this, if it exists, is a very silly fight to pick. You have both God and the Pope against you. Remember that Stalin asked "how many battalions has the Pope?", and that Catholicism was a significant factor in the overthrow of Communism.

Re:Running titles is good, literate practice

[shermo]

I've always been taught that it's a literary no-no, but I'm open to persuasion.

What's the correct term for this practice? Apparently "running title" refers to something else.

Re:It's April 2 now

[eugene ts wong]

So, that's why people keep coming to Canada!

Searching for achievments

[fbartho]

I can have achievements?

Re:Searching for achievments

[JTsyo]

Do they still track it or was it just for ones you had already done?

Re:It's April 2 now

[clive_p]

I don't know what you mean by 12 pm - do you mean noon?

Re:It's April 2 now

[MindKata]

"Traditional my ass. It's just people sore at being tricked trying to impose an arbitrary rule to turn it around on us."

I agree entirely. Its why April Fools day was known years ago as "All Fools Day" ... (Its was never known as "All Fools 12 hours"). Also TV companies especially in the 1960s/1970s often done april fools *day* jokes, which had the jokes running all day. This new idea of all fools 12 hours is a relatively new idea and I agree, it is used as a defence by anyone caught out by an All Fools Day jokes.

And payes no sales taxes

[Anonymous Coward]

Remember that Microsoft has its billing center in another state so that it avoids paying sales tax to Washington state. Of course they can afford to pay a measling amount for a part of a bridge their employees use when they have avoided paying a signifcant percentage of sales taxes for many years. I ask you, which is the greater amount?

Maybe April Fools, but why not?

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft has obscene amounts of cash in the bank and they are a company which whether slashdoters like it or not is a major integral part of the U.S., it seems to me that dumping $20 billion into Microsoft (as a loan of course) is an excellent way to try and recoup a portion of the bail out money they're splurging everywhere. Seriously, $20 billion in Microsoft's hands focuses on growth and development certainly doesn't sounds like money lost.

Besides the obvious financial benefits of investing in Microsoft, the democratic government can grow industry in IT instead of in weapons. There is a huge amount of talent in defense jobs on the west coast that will almost certainly be unemployed in the near future as the democrats begin chopping military funding. Microsoft I'm sure could certainly find a home for them using this money.

Also, Obama has a great opportunity to bring advanced research to America. America's advanced research has suffered tremendously over the past decade (even with Bill Clinton) since NSF funding for advanced research has been limited as basic research yields profits much faster. Advanced research often never directly yields profit, however the papers produced by publicly funded advanced research allows many companies to profit from the results of the research. China will almost certainly begin to dominate the basic research fields over the next few years, it's profitable for them and works extremely well with their economy. The U.S. can create a knowledge gap by promoting advanced research in universities and organizations large enough to support research divisions and fellowship programs.

Place a stipulation that any organization receiving this funding would be required to make the results public and patent free and the entire nation benefits from it. Of course the organization would be able to choose areas of research to fund with this money that applies most directly to them. But a company like Microsoft can benefit greatly from research that takes 5-10 years to conduct and only "may" produce results that can be profited from.

Frankly, I'd like to see Bell Labs, Xerox PARC and many others receive funding in this direction from the government. This would let me sleep well at night knowing the government is not only trying to cover their own asses for the next 4-8 years, but also trying to help build a future for my children.

Re:It's April 2 now

[Mutant321]

Not in the U.S. See the Wikipedia article.

Re:It's April 2 now

[kbg]

Uhh, you realize that "12PM" is basically undefined, did you mean noon or midnight?

Got me...

[Anonymous Coward]

Damn it, I actually believed it for a minute... till I read the publish date.

Soon we're going to have an April Fools' Week

[PNP_Transistor]

I was skeptical of anything I saw, read, or heard on April 1st. But damn... THIS caught me off guard! Perhaps Slashdot is going to be the start of a trend. Since everyone is used to getting tricked on April 1st, people are going to start pulling "late" April Fools' jokes on April 2nd just to catch people off-guard. Soon, April Fools' Day will be "April Fools' Two Days". And perhaps 200 years from now, we'll have an "April Fools' Week".

Re:Soon we're going to have an April Fools' Week

[rJah]

And the governments will quickly realise this is the time to announce all the unpopular decisions that might invoke dissatisfaction among the population. If we still have governments(see New World Order).

Everybody's in line with their hand out

[xjlm]

Why not a bailout for M$? All these fat cats need a bailout. Pretty soon that's going to be the model for the US; sue and/or get a bailout. It's times like these I'm glad there's a second amendment.

as MnM says....CRIMINAL!

[hesaigo999ca]

MFG, I have heard it all now, there is no real product being created here after the initial creation. Office 2007 once developed, stays as being developed....unlike a car which after you build one and sell one you have to build another...using up materials. Software you click and copy...and burn...
seriously, I hope Obama laughs in their faces!!!

It's not enough that they already steal our money with crap products, but now they want a hand too?
I have lost all respect for M$, I am switching to Linux ASAP, and guess what, you know Linux won't be asking for any sort of bail out.

Thanks M$ for putting us even deeper in the hole, purely because you think you should get a cut of the pie, and not because you have earned it, or really need it.

Re:It's April 2 now

[M-RES]

Nope, in the UK it's always been until 12 noon. Or at least it has been for the past century as far as I can gather from my more elderly relatives.

The 'All Fools Day' means that everyone is capable of being the fool. If you fall for it before 12, then you're the fool. If you play the joke after noon then you're the fool.

It's a karmic thing ;)

Re:It's April 2 now

[M-RES]

No, no, no. Given that we're at GMT, that means all we'll ever amount to is zero! ;)

who can believe this ?

[po134]

Microsoft have 20 billions sitting how could they ask the same amount from the gouvernment? Come on people ...

Re:VW Microbus...

[tekrat]

Yeah, and show me a 40 yr old GM car still in use as a daily driver.

Perhaps what you're missing about the VW microbus is that: A) it's EASY to repair with simple hand tools (no diagnostic computer needed), B) it's essentially a tough, all-terrain vehicle that just happens to look like a cheap piece of crap C) it will carry more crap than you ever thought possible, D) it's bigger on the inside than on the outside, E) It won't get you there fast, but it will get you there, F) while this van's a rockin' don't come knockin' G) these days, retro is in, so it looks very cool.

I own a Vanagon these days, but I grew up in a microbus.

Re:It's April 2 now

[10scjed]

April 1st last much longer than that in Redmond.

I believe that, at Computer Associates we used to have 35 day months...

sorry

[arndawg]

Balmer accidently the whole bail-out.

Sue Linux Providers

[warnerms]

and produce more FUD with our 20 billion bailout.
Another hidden agenda, from the worlds most fucked up software, ops I mean marketer of crappy OSes, Company. Let's all just use Ubuntu/(Mac OS X) and let Micro$ucks die the slow death they deserve!

Guess what Steve...

[Anonymous Coward]

'We want to make it absolutely clear that this is not a crisis of mismanagement,' said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer ...Failing to adjust the size of your company to match economic conditions IS a crisis of mismanagement.

Re:It's April 2 now

[INT_QRK]

Of course, "April Fools" notwithstanding, Microsoft has been enjoying a huge subsidy in U.S. government licenses for years. To point out the obvious, with very, very, few exceptions government desktops and network infrastructure is Microsoft. The adds up to, as Carl Sagan used to say, "Billions and billions!" day in and day out.

Yawn, bad troll

[Anonymous Coward]

If they are going to post a story which is a blatant troll, it would be nice if the joke was at least funny.

As is, it may as well have said
"ZOMG Teh MiKKKr0$$$l0th want deh munnies Lebowski!!11!!111!!one! Cuz Teh Bulmer iz Teh Greedzorz!!!!11 An him trhow deh chiarz, lolz!!11!!"

Regarding the horror of "Microsoft spending bailout funds"... isnt the government the one who builds roads? Doesn't seem too demanding of a company which pays as much money in taxes as MS to ask for a road, which will be used, to be built.

As usual, the lunatic fringe of Slashdot is blowing any MS-related issue way out of proportion. $100 says IBM has requested the exact same sort of thing, and probably hundreds of times. But that's obviously ok, because IBM tithes to Teh Lunix.

Only One Way

[DaMattster]

There is only one way that I could possibly support a bailout for Microsoft, a monopoly. Force them to open source all of their protocols and force them to allow interoperation with other products. If they do this, I would support a bailout for them. That said, this is the only way.

Microsoft calls for government bailout

[David Gerard]

I did this one in January! Microsoft calls for government bailout.

SKID ROW, Redmond, Friday - Microsoft Corporation is headed for swingeing layoffs in mid-January after the failure of its stock buyback program, and has called for a government bailout in the face of the credit crunch.

"Vastly popular operating systems like Vista just aren't selling," said marketing marketer emeritus Bill Gates, "and it's all because people aren't confident to spend their money. In fact, they didn't start buying it in 2007 because they were expecting this even then. A subsidy to buy good, honest American computer operating systems is essential to the health of the economy, or my part of it."

Should the Big One of American virtual office supplies fail, economists predict that it could free up millions of dollars in business spending and provide a devastating boost to an economy reeling from the impact of the credit crunch.

Hiring in most Microsoft divisions has frozen in the last six months and 30GB Zunes are already on suicide watch. "The workload's impossible to keep up with," said blog technical evangelist Gary M. Stewart. "I've even been answering Slashdot comments on Boycott Novell or Groklaw. It's impossible to keep track of! Anyway, you're just another Twitter sockpuppet. Or Mini-Microsoft. Admit it."

Additional bailouts have been hooked on the bill as riders for HD-DVD, eight-track cartridges, 78rpm gramophones and Babbage analytical engine gear manufacturers.

Senators have stated they will only bail the company out with a change in top management. "What the shit," said Linus Torvalds as his draft notice arrived.

Microsoft

[Anonymous Coward]

This would be true if it wasn't funny.

Yep, not funny.

[Zotdogg]

Bailouts - Not Funny (??or acceptable??)
Microsoft asking for money - Disliked, Not Funny, ...

Microsoft asking for Bailout money? .... How many swear words can you use in one /. post before getting your account revoked?

I was liking the April Fool's stuff.

The REAL reason

[sgt_doom]

The REAL reason McSoftware needs those billions is in order to compete with IBM on IBM's latest patent submittal (and immediate withdrawal after the publicity it generated - and this be the second go around on this patent) for an Offshoring Software System (software to realize the most tax breaks when offshoring all those American jobs, you see?). M$ simply believes it should receive taxpayer funds in order to keep offshoring all those jobs, just like JP Morgan Chase, Citibank, BankofAmerica, Goldman Sachs, AIG and Morgan Stanley.

Any questions?????

Re:It's April 2 now

[BeanThere]

I'm South African and have never heard of that rule. Then again, I don't get out much.

Re:I can't believe no one looks at their status ba

[rJah]

You appear to be assuming that people have their status bar visible.

I don't believe this was an April 1 story.

[swschrad]

this is entirely believable that "Chairs" Ballmer would try this.

and it defines the upper limit of "too big to fail" by creating a "oh, no, you ain't" point.

More of that hair of the dog that bit you?

[reiisi]

Okay, business,

"Occupation, work, or trade in which one is engaged." Sure, they are occupied in some sort of work or trade, but what does that say about balance?

"Specific occupation or pursuit." Sure they are pursuing a monopoly. What does that say about balance?

"Commercial, industrial, or professional dealings." Commercial, industrial, yeah, but I'm not going to give you professional, unless you mean in the sense of the boss who says to sacrifice the entire spec for that ephemeral market window. There is some sort of profession of some sort of something in that attitude, but I don't see it as a profession of any sort of service.

"Commercial enterprise or establishment." Yeah, they have established an effective monopoly, and their current enterprise plan is to extend the monopoly as far as they can, even if they destroy the market and hobble the industry.

"One's rightful or proper concern or interest," or "Something involving one personally." Maybe you believe Microsoft has some natural right to the monopoly?

"Serious work or endeavor." Serious like death? If they were serious, they would not be hell bent on destroying the market for the sake of their monopoly.

"Affair or matter." You find some sort of excuse here?

"[Filler material in some sort of entertainment.]" I don't find it the least entertaining, and I don't even find the value of filler material in what they produce. Filling in with trash just makes the rest of it stink.

"Abuse, scolding." It says, "verbal," but I've given the business with the business end of a belt, too. And Gates and his buddies somehow avoided being given the business in the anti-monopoly proceedings. And now they think they can continue to get away with what they are doing, but the economy itself will destroy them if they don't quit.

"Condition of being busy." Says that one is obsolete, I don't know why. They definitely are busy doing things they shouldn't.

I don't see anywhere in there about monopolizing the market or industry. Are you going to argue that they have some sort of excuse for maintaining their effective monopoly? Where is there any balance in the current market? Are you going to argue that there can be balance in a monopoly market?

I don't care what business they give you in business school, a business that is not interested in the health of the industry and market in which it operates is not a business. A market out of balance is not healthy. That's the whole problem with every current implementation of communism and most implementations of socialism and nationalism -- there is an implicit monopoly, no reason or room to compete, no reason or room to improve.

About nine or ten years ago, Microsoft was defending their monopoly under some sort of PR campaign claiming they had some natural right to "innovate" or something, implicitly at the expense of everyone else. It's a sick idea, and if the market follows it, the market may seem to boom for a while, then it busts. Do you not understand that Microsoft is at the center of the current failure of the economy? Their business ideas poisoned the rest of the "business" market. Everybody wanting today's bottom line to rule the world.

I don't suppose you're still reading, but in case you are, the argument you give about most users not knowing how to use the internet is the very reason Microsoft should not have enabled naked network connectivity in MSWindows 95. That "engineering" attitude is the very center of the current trouble with malware that gets spread, automatically or by social engineering, mostly through MSOutlook or MSOutlook Express and through MSInternet Explorer.

Sure, the average user will be dazzled by the mail attachment that automatically starts running. That's the whole problem. Even Linux does not yet have the necessary protections to allow that kind of "interactive" application safely.

Likewise for web pages that have a lot of bells and whistles and stuff that

Re:More of that hair of the dog that bit you?

[jcrousedotcom]

I'll be honest, I didn't read the whole thing, I skimmed. I lost interest after the monopoly bit. I am not here to say they're perfect, I am just saying they're in business to succeed and thus far they've done a good job at it.

I think you did say something correct - but let me add if the market dictates ". . .it will stop of its own accord, in flames and ashes." Just that - let the market decide.

I don't know everything, but I have been doing this (IT consulting, networking etc.) over 15 years. I started out in the Novell world, and at the time they dominated the server market. Someone else came along with a better looking widget (note I didn't necessarily say better - just better looking). Novell didn't react and lost market share. The same can (and probably will) hold true for Microsoft. If Novell would have come up with a workstation OS to combine with their server OS, they probably would be Microsoft and we'd be complaining about them.

I see a lot of OSS and GPL. I *love* OSS, and I love GPL. Please don't get me wrong, but understand - some folks want to make *money* with what they've created (iPhone anyone?). Please don't beat them up because they can market and people buy their product.

I *love* linux, it is a **GREAT** OS. I really do, just sometimes folks get so blinded by their M$ hate that they cannot see past it. MS has done some good things for computing. They are a goliath, I agree, but they have been successful.

Too many more Vista's and they will have that 'in flames and ashes' bit you talked about.

Gates bonus

[sgmaz]

So, did I miss it or has someone started a pool on what Gates bonus will be when they get the money?

ha-ha, now I know why I use Linux

[Anonymous Coward]

When the richest man in the world asks the government for "bailout money" that shows he's nothing more than a money grubbing idiot. Don't pay the Micro$haft tax anymore, never will again.

Yeah, you didn't read it.

[Anonymous Coward]

We, as an industry are only slightly less culpable than Microsoft, but what we are doing has to stop.

Or it will stop of its own accord, in flames and ashes.

You have to be kidding

[Sarlin]

Bill Gates is worth $58 Billion and he wants to borrow $20 Billion from us, the tax payers? Most of America will pop a cork if that happens. This socialist crap needs to stop.

No Bailouts for failing companies!

[ARdiver]

It just seems to me, if microsoft is having a financial crunch, after all of these years in trying to create a product for the masses and failing, then they should dry up and go away like the REA(Railway Express Agency). Someone will come along and create something better. Oh they have, its call Ubuntu!

Too big

[hansamurai]

My coworkers and I actually had a discussion last week on whether our corporation is "too big too fail" for the US government. It kind of made me sad.

make crap..... go bust

[munkey_bwy]

Maybe microsloth should consider building decent products, and not the low grade trash that they have been selling for years. Any other company selling rubbish generally goes bust, maybe its time for the new world order. Microsoft does not deserve the money.

Re:make crap..... go bust

[munkey_bwy]

Also why doesnt the company go back to Gates, Balmer and Co and ask for them to put the money in. They are some of the worlds richest people, i guess they wouldnt put money into to a company thats not worth it, they would rather us fools do it!!!!!

LOL

[t-maxx cowboy]

LOL

Re:It's April 2 now

[gzine]

oh yeah.