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Poor Design Choices In the Star Wars Universe
Ant writes "John Scalzi's AMC blog shows a short guide to the most epic FAILs in Star Wars design — 'I'll come right out and say it: Star Wars has a badly-designed universe; so poorly-designed, in fact, that one can say that a significant goal of all those Star Wars novels is to rationalize and mitigate the bad design choices of the movies. Need examples? Here's ten ...'"
R2-D2
Sure, he's cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion -- and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: "Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we'll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That's just madness."
I believe his primary function is a flight droid so they were built to interface with ships. Not a lot else. John Scalzi seems to suffer from the "must have everything" school of thought and doesn't think the future will focus on minimalism and getting one thing right. Thank god he's not writing software and just another hot air blogger. I reject Episodes I, II & III so I don't know what he's talking about with the oil slick and jets.
C-3PO
Can't fully extend his arms; has a bunch of exposed wiring in his abs; walks and runs as if he has the droid equivalent of arthritis. And you say, well, he was put together by an eight-year-old. Yes, but a trip to the nearest Radio Shack would fix that. Also, I'm still waiting to hear the rationale for making a protocol droid a shrieking coward, aside from George Lucas rummaging through a box of offensive stereotypes (which he'd later return to while building Jar-Jar Binks) and picking out the "mincing gay man" module.
Again, you're overlooking his primary function. C-3PO is a protocol droid designed to serve humans, and boasts that he is fluent "in over six million forms of communication." So he's got arthritis, well, you didn't build him to be flexible or fight. You built him to look pretty and translate. Everything else is bells and whistles. I think he was meant to stand in a corner for some rich merchant or politician and translate any language imaginable. Are you going to tell me that my car is flawed because I couldn't afford a $20 toaster to put in the dash?
Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really? And when you rebuild it, your solution to this problem is four paths into the central core so large that you can literally fly a spaceship through them? Brilliant. Note to the Emperor: Someone on your Death Star design staff is in the pay of Rebel forces. Oh, right, you can't get the memo because someone threw you down a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room.
Uh, the second Death Star was never completed, you idiot. The rebels learned about it and attacked it before it had everything completed so anything like "four paths to the central core" or "exposed shafts" could well have been necessary during its construction. Haven't you seen Clerks or watched Robot Chicken's parody of Palpatine trying to talk to the foreman?
But Luke's X-34 speeder on Tatooine? The Yugo of speeders, man. One hard stop, and out you go.
He's a farmer. You should have seen the "vehicles" and ATVs I drove while working on farms. One was a modified bus with huge water tanks on the back and an upside down bucket for a seat. They make a Yugo look like a dream car. Are you going to complain about the blast marks and carbon scoring adorning the rag tag rebel ships next?
So easy to rip apart. And you know, he doesn't offer anything constructive. Like the asteroid worm. He would have enjoyed it more if space in the Star Wars galaxy was like our space? Dead, uninhabited and void? George Lucas isn't a god but he sure thought up some neat ideas for a universe that John Scalzi will never come close to.
My work here is dung.
Let's not even go near the idea of light beams being slow enough to dodge; that's just something you have let go of, or risk insanity.
I think by the time you're writing an article about design failures in Star Wars ... you're already beyond just the risk of insanity.
I think giving George Lucas access to the raw footage was a poor design choice.
The council chamber where they debate laws seemed crazy to me. Everyone is floating in their own flying saucer. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Regular tables with chairs make more sense. More compact and you have a chance to interact with the other representatives.
Right on. Bully. And as we all know, poor design portends end-user doom. These pathetic hacks will be lucky if they ever sell more than three tickets to the producer's three kids for this parade of dreck. And forget merchandising - it'll be a brief stopover at Dollar Tree and then to some banana republic orphanage along with the Superbowl-losing ball caps. Yes, what WERE they thinking?
"Win treats sysadmins better than users. Mac treats users better than sysadmins. Linux treats everyone like sysadmins."
Next time, would it be too hard to at least LIST these allegedly poor design choices in the summary? At least we wouldn't immediately crash the blog that has the list (and preventing us from reading it). As a bonus it would be great if each item had a sentence or two telling why it is a poor design choice.
Posting as AC because maybe I missed something obvious and don't want to appear stupid.
I agree with the critique on the Death Stars. Centralized power was the fatal flaw in both, so it would have made a lot more sense to use distributed power systems throughout the Death Star II. (lots of little reactors instead of one big one) That way, the rebels would have had to destroy the DSII apart piece by piece. Given how much time that would take, the Imperials probably would have won.
I won't even go into the Endor holocaust in detail. (guess what happens when you detonate a small artificial moon near a planetary atmosphere? You get lots of fallout, resulting in nuclear winter and lots of dead ewoks)
"It is a denial of justice not to stretch out a helping hand to the fallen; that is the common right of humanity."
There is no sound in space.
Parsec is a unit of distance, not speed
Races as seemingly stupid as Gungans and Jawas would not posess the advanced technology seen in the movies. (I'm talking to you Jar-Jar)
"You can't really dust for vomit" --Nigel Tufnel
Move along.
news for nerds? stuff that _matters_? (emphasis added) Here? on this story? news for nerds, perhaps (ok, probably - excluding yours truely) stuff that matters? hmm... really? no offense or anything.... but... hmm... the other stories were interesting to day, most of them were... i'm just saying. dunt mean to be a trawl or nuthing..... oh well. :)
contribute at wikademia
Never heard of it...
Scalzi himself have problems with world design as well. In his Old Man's War universe in book three it's suddenly revealed that good guys of first two books are actually bad guy. Colonies military leadership, smart, efficient, canning and somehow cynical but dedicated to protection of humanity in the first books, suddenly happens to be dumb power-grabbing war-mongering egoistic parasites in the next two books.
Inconsistencies and illogical details in the Star Wars Universe?
Fish. Barrel. Large bore shotgun.
Star Wars, like much of the Space Opera and Science Fantasy genre, follows only one well tested design strategy: The Rule of Cool. If something looks cool, and it doesn't get in the way of the story, it's in. Once you can accept that you're good.
I can't wait for the Star Trek one after reading the seat belt gripe. Idea #1: Why aren't there seat belts on the bridge? It seems like almost every episode someone gets thrown from their chair. It happens so often in ST:VOY it should be the first modification they make to the ship.
They call it fiction because it is fiction. If it never really happened is that bad design?
http://credme.com/verify/slashdot.org/sixminutemile?60819936046573
This article is wrong on so many levels, but, of course, is easy to defeat: Everyone knows that the Star Wars universe is perfect. George Lucas had fully anticipated exactly what was going to happen in all 6 movies (and all of the books, comics, cartoons, etc.) while designing the first movie. To question this is heresy, and therefore you, John Scalzi, are a heretic.
But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.
(Well at least not after the last 3 shit piles)
This blog entry was pure garbage.
...when midichlorians, as told to us by George Lucas, are essentially behind it all!
Blasters have a lot of ammunition, can penetrate trooper armour, and have inherent tracer rounds. Also we have no idea whether traditional firearms even exist in the Star Wars universe. A landspeeder is a cheap transport in a fairly underdeveloped region. R2 units have no need to speak. Most electronic devices don't. They use standardised alerts. C-3P0 is cowardly because protocol droids are expensive bits of kit and should protect themselves (R2 units are more likely to be useful in the field so are designed to be a little less safe).
No mention of the bridge on a Star Destroyer being such an easy target for a kamikaze, or poor visibility in a Tie Fighter.
This guy is clearly training on his skills to Troll fellow nerds.
Here I though some time on any of the Chan sites was a good way to become a more professional troll
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
has never been OSHA approved.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
It's always been about epic myths and magic, Good versus Evil, Greek Tragedy, etc. Except on different planets, not in a mist-shrouded past of Earth. To criticize it's light saber technology is like criticizing Xena's chakram physics.
>R2D2's speech
The original voice of R2D2 died of heat exhaustion while wearing the suit. In his honor they used digital beeps.
>C3P0 and mincing gay man
This is because C3P0 is a gay robot. Its a shame Scalzi is such a bigot that he cannot accept homosexual robots. Someday, 3P0, someday you'll be accepted and you can marry that nice medical robot who has been checking you out.
>Lighsaber guards
With the guard up all lightsaber fights ended in a stalemate. The jedi council of 4922 banned them for the sake of "sport and honor."
>Blasters
In the star wars world, lead bullets are useless against storm trooper armor. So everyone needs to use blasters which are slower and noisier. Blasters also release a mint scent which is an added bonus.
>Luke's lack of seatbelts
Luke was originally told his father died asphyxiating from a seatbelt after an accident that flipped his speeder. Luke vowed to never take that chance and removed his.
>Stormtrooper armor
In a sophisticated universe, style is very important. "The path to defeat, an unstylish military is. - Yoda"
>Death star
The empire has always been a good sport and has left vulnerabilities in all its designs.
>a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room.
To be fair, this was put in so the emperor could toss people down it as he pleased. He knew it was a risk someone could toss him down it too, but he was crazy that way.
I thought he was going to talking about what a mess the universe of Star Wars is, not what a mess the designs in the universe are. An article about the mess that is the Star Wars universe would be interesting. For example, how are there always news designs in a galaxy where technology has been effectively stagnant for millienia? Why are militaries constantly deploying new ships that don't perform any differently than old ones? If droid designs had gone from R2s to R5s in just a few decades, what about the droids in use 1000 years before? That's just from the movies. The mess that the extended universe has become could be a book to itself. It's lost any direction ever since The New Jedi Order brought in one of the most contrived enemies ever and ruined the Force.
Love his books to death - especially "the Andriods Dream", but like all authors his own books have more holes than swiss cheese.
Like computers built into peoples heads that seem to have unlimited bandwidth data links over huge distances - yet there is no power requirements and the enemy can't detect the transmissions
I am Slashdot. Are you Slashdot as well?
How did this obvious Digg fodder make it onto the front page of Slashdot?
Or maybe Mark Hamill's acting.
Yeah and a long long time ago in a galaxy far away they obviously didn't have such stuff like OSHA.
Or they'd have railings to stop people from falling into pits and other nasties...
Clearly it's a galaxy where they didn't have warning stickers on lightsabers to tell people "This way to enemy", or "Do not point lightsaber at remaining head".
But still...
I'm certainly never going to read any of his books now. If he rails on the interesting parts of another sci-fi universe, I believe it's a safe bet that his is utterly dull. As to the comment on there about "Human-cyborg relations", remember that a cyborg is a cybernetic organism. That would include droids, as well as "traditional" cyborgs like Lobot, Vader, and that ilk.
In God we trust, all others we virus scan.
...what is the deal with all of those Tribbles?
0 = 1 + e^(Alt something)
This is not only poorly-written, but the concept is awful. Going after lightsabers because they lack handguards? These are Jedi weapons, guy. The Jedi are surgeons with these weapons, blocking blaster fire on mere intuition. Come on. My ire for this article stems mainly from the fact that the author ignored some of the real problems with the Star Wars universe, touching only on the superficial. What about the time/distance inconsistency? (The Millennium Falcon, as you may recall, travels "0.5 past light", and yet travels from star to star in hours? Just how small and dense IS this far-away galaxy?)
Is possible to enumerate more than 100 "flaws" on Star Wars Universe, but I need to agree with mosty of hollywood "Space Operas" do not attempt to even be plausible, what matters is just being "cool" for a number of spectators unaware of any real science or logic.
(Brazilian portuguese)
Eh possivel enumerar mais do que 100 "falhas", no universo de Guerra nas Estrelas, mas eu tenho que concordar que a maior parte das "Operas espaciais" de Hollywood nao tentam sequer serem plausiveis, o que importa eh apenas serem "cool" para um numero de espectadores que desconhecem qualquer ciencia real ou logica.
Religion: The greatest weapon of mass destruction of all time
Except he seemed to interface with people too all the time, and that annoying beep has no other function than interfacing with humans. (Interfacing with ships is done much better by faster protocols.) So essentially he already _has_ that module, but it's a half-arsed dysfunctional thing. So, yes, it has no excuse. If he lacked any voice output entirely, then I'd see your point. But that's not the case.
Except have you looked at what an executive limo has, since you brought up a car metaphor? C3PO is the equivalent of making one, but then skipping on suspension and sound-dampening. It's that freaking retarded.
The whole point is that he's a robot for the rich and powerful. (Your average nerf herder probably couldn't afford one, nor need to translate from and to six million languages.) Yet he looks like an unfinished contraption thrown together in someone's tool shed.
Does it look to you like something you'd see a non-techie CEO walking around with, at a meeting with other billionaires? Really?
Plus, IRL talks and negotiations happen in all sorts of settings, not just in meeting rooms. Probably more deals are really done on the golf course, or at some social event, or at some trade show, than in meeting rooms. Does a noisy and clumsy metal contraption really sound to you like just the kind of thing you'd want whirring and clunking around while you're trying to network with the rich and powerful at, say, a ball of some planetary royal family? You're sooo going to seamlessly mingle with that think following you around.
A polar bear is a cartesian bear after a coordinate transform.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Was I the only one bothered by the sad attempt to bridge the gap between EP 3 and EP 4 by simply throwing away all the nice full color displays and elegant controls that we saw in the ships of the first 3 episodes, and in one fell swoop go back to the flashing lights and big on/off switches of the last 3? You know, at the end of EP 3 when Darth takes command of the Empire fleet, only to strut out onto the bridge of a ship that looked like it was designed to control a hydroelectric dam and not fly among the stars...
Maybe I was the only one.
TD-0013 does it best:
http://www.adpov.net/2005/03/09/adpov-001/
That's fucking awesome, just so you know. Reminds me of the old Cops/Stormtroopers parody.
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward man.
We are the United States Government! We don't do that sort of thing.
My 1.9999 cents:
R2D2 and Robots: Who needs stair-walking legs when you have jets? As far as voice synth, it may be that there are laws against talking droids on many planets such that the manufacturer left out that feature to increase sales. Remember, in the SW universe, droids are seen as 2nd-class beings, and many cultures may not want them to talk. In other words, it's a sales feature. Similar issues apply to C3P0. You are thinking like a techie instead of a marketer.
Lightsabers: They are generally treated as a religious relic and not a practical tool. Otherwise, everyone would have one. Maybe blasters can also burn through doors. Plus, hand-guards would make them difficult to fit in one's pocket. And maybe they have an unseen hand-guard force-field, a feature that's too power-hungry to extend the full length of the sword. Just because viewers don't see it does not mean it doesn't exist.
Blasters and Armor: You don't know the technology involved. You cannot assume blasters are simply photons. They may have features that allow them to penetrate body armor of the time. Photons or metal bullets may not work against such armor. You seem to be assuming they are using Earth-style armor, which is not likely the case. As far as storm-troopers succumbing to a single blast, that appears to be mostly from a close range. And they may still live even if incapacitated for a given battle. Partial protection is better than none. And the color may be part of this (limited) protection.
Seat-belts: Earth cars didn't require seat-belts until around the 1970's, and many would skip them if not for laws. And you cannot jump out quickly to do battle if you have a seatbelt.
Death Star: You don't know the full reason for the vents. Maybe the stuff being vented is highly radio-active such that complex covers don't let the radiation out fast enough.
Sarlaac: It may also eat large fierce under-ground worms.
Asteroid Worm: Compare to sharks: they sometimes bite boats and rafts, but this does NOT mean that boats and rafts are their typical target/food.
Midi-Chlorian injections: They are an indicator or prerequisite of certain abilities, not necessarily the primary facilitator of such abilities.
Table-ized A.I.
File this story under "Somebody has way too much free time on his hands".
Nearly 20 years ago I tried to particpate in various Star-Trek related Usenet newsgroups. But I just couldn't do it. Trying to seriously discuss fictional characters and events is just plain stupid.
Why did Capt. Picard say [whatever]? Because it was in the script.
Why didn't they stop the ship from crashing? Because it was in the script.
When you start analyzing the flaws and mistakes in fictional material you really need to follow William Shatner's advice from the sketch on Staurday Night Live -- "Get a life."
I have always thought there was a serious strategic flaw in the assault of the Death Star that put fighters in the trenches approaching the exhaust port. Other than the visual pop of watching combat spacecraft navigating a narrow eqitorial corridor, it occured to me that drop-troops in powered space suits with rocket packs, magnetic boots and missile launchers amid a rain of similarly-sized chaff would pose a serious threat. You could still witness the fatal blow money shot with Luke standing over the venting exhaust port staring down into the abyss as he launches his warhead.
I was kind of surprised when TFA said that he felt that 3PO was supposed to be a gay-stereotype. I always considered him more of a sterotypical british gentleman or butler.
As far as R2D2 not "speaking" with human-understandable voices, there are 2 concepts in play. Being a film, for the most part, there is no reason for R2 to speak audibly because as he works with other droids it could be assumed they can communicate through some wireless/radio method, making "speech" unnecessary and inefficent, other than the fact that it is much harder to show radio on the screen than gibberish noises. Having him unable to speak directly to the audience but having 3PO dialouge with him (for instance, in 3PO asks him to watch his language), it carefully peels away the simply utilitarian view of R2 and shows his anthropic qualities slowly and we eventually see that R2 is smart, and brave in ways that 3PO is not. It slowly exposes this quality in a way that develops the character, rather than having R2 come off as some smart ass child-bot.
Thirdly, some people consider not being able to talk as being "cute" like babies. It makes R2 likable when he doesn't really for much of the Ep4-6 series have much that overtly makes (or is designed to make) the audience particularly like or dislike him. For example in the Kirby cartoon the creator specifically required they not give him a voice as to not take away from the "cuteness" that is considered part of the character's success.
Though it is entirely possible that Lucas couldn't find a voice that didn't ascribe too much implied personality to a more utilitarian character. When non-human characters have human voices, you import a lot of understanding based on what you "think" the voice is (e.g. Jar-Jar), rahter than taking it as simply "just a voice."
Forgive my spelling from time to time. I'm often posting during short breaks.
"fail" is a verb.
"failure" is a noun.
The exceptions are idiomatic or antiquated.
R2-D2
R2 is an astromech droid - he was designed to assist in the operation of small spacecraft. He is well suited for trundling around flight decks - he was not meant to go up and down stairs, and it's a credit to his character that he performed his duty in desert and swamp. He doesn't speak english because he speaks astromech - sentients who fly or work with spacecraft will understand astromech. Speech synthesis is unnecessary to his function... are you unhappy that your perl compiler doesn't speak in plain english?
C-3PO
C-3PO is a protocol droid. His form is purely ornamental, as his function is to facilitate communication between sentients, usually in a business setting. He is not required to lift heavy objects or cover rugged terrain at great speed, and the exposed wiring is probably just ornamentation. Droids develop their own personalities as they are learning and self-modifying systems - he made himself a screaming coward.
Lightsabers
Japanese blades often did not have a tsuba (hand guard) - relying on a tsuba to protect the hand was folly, as was slashing down a blade to get at the fingers. A quick disengage and riposte would leave you dead.
Blasters
I don't think the beams themselves are being dodged, but those dodging are anticipating their aim-point. Happens in most movies with regular guns, too. Blasters are recoiless and require no reloading, which makes them tactically superior to firearms.
Landspeeders and other flying vehicles
Unless the repulsor field was designed to keep you in place - or artificial gravity.
Stormtrooper Uniforms
Yeah, OK, storm trooper armor is useless.
Death Star
The original design flaw was overlooked by the Deathstar's builders - the Rebels analyzed the data and discovered it themselves. The second deathstar wasn't complete, and relied on planet-based shield generators rather than structure to protect it.
Sarlaac
Doodle-bugs (antlions) and sea anenomes rely on this same technique, and as the skeleton from ANH illustrates, Tatooine has megafauna prey.
That Asteroid Worm Thing in Empire Strikes Back
Not spaceships, cometary debris containing organic compounds, or spacefaring organisms that feed on same.
Midi-Chlorians
Lucas is as one dead to me for that midichlorian crap.
> Need examples? Here's ten...
Here ARE ten, if you please.
I appreciate new scifi universes, Starwars obviously has issues, star trek at least has realism to some degree.
CCPs EVE universe backstories are interesting if you spend any time reading their fiction. I hope were all beyond delving in a closed source universes that eventually crash and burn from their creators senility or whored for royalties. *COUGH~MATRIX*
1. Your city is under siege and suddenly this man-made wooden horse appears out of nowhere. Any sane military command would probably blow it up or set fire to it, as opposed to taking it behind his lines and leaving it unguarded.
2. It's a bit much for foreign leader like Menelaus to go to the trouble of war over his wife leaving him for another man. Especially in an era where women were considered simple commodities.
3. Odysseus tries to escape from an island with a hot chick who does magic and wants to use him as a love slave back to an existence of responsibility and the possibility of mortal danger. Nuff said.
4. The cyclops has one eye. A monster with limited depth perception is not too intimidating and wouldn't be a very effective monster.
That's a pretty lame list, in a "Well duh, no shit Sherlock" sort of way. Here are some better ones to think about:
Star Destroyer bridge towers. Sure, the view is nice, but even with armour and shields, it still makes more sense to bury it deep within the hull.
Stormtrooper Armour: a lot of body armour in the real world will not stop a high-velocity rifle round, but will protect you from shrapnel, shell splinters, fragmentation, and other hazards. Anytime someone creates a new kind of armour, someone creates a weapon to penetrate it. The main problem with Stormtrooper armour is the lack of standard camouflage, and their bulk. But as we saw in Episode III (much as I disregard their presence), they DO use camouflage. So that leaves their physical bulk. Personally, I always preferred the scout troopers, because they had more freedom of movement. Too bad the helmet had no peripheral vision.
In particular, the point on the blasters is just fallacious.
Blaster fire is made up of the same as lightsabers: plasma traveling inside a moving electromagnetic field. This would inevitably be very loud (not in space, admittedly), as the plasma ignited local atmosphere. It also explains why they bounce off of lightsabers, why you can see them, and why they are slow (they can only move as quickly as the stable magnetic field can propagate; em drift in current wires is on the order of a few cm/hour, so compared to this, blasters travel extremely quickly).
A much stronger counterpoint is that blaster fire and lightsabers could be easily repelled by strong magnets. In particular, it would not be incredibly difficult to override the electromagnetic field containing a lightsaber, and reorient the plasma to somewhere intersecting with its wielder.
... can dance on the head of a pin? Have you thought about that?
R2-D2 - Meh, I don't see why you'd need a droid who was built to interface with ships directly and only speak to people via the ship's computer to have the ability to speak. :P
C-3P0 - Why is the protocol droid, a droid built for the purpose of translating things without any military coding a coward? I don't know, maybe because he's not stupid? Put yourself in the situations that 3P0 gets into and tell me you wouldn't be scared
Lightsabers - There are lightsabers with handguards in the EU, but for the most part there's no need for them. When you can sense your opponent trying to slide the lightsaber down to get your fingers a few seconds before they do there's plenty of time to react.
Blasters - I agree with all of his assessments, but he misses the point. Blasters do insane damage, enough to burn through stormtrooper armor (which would almost certainly block a bullet) in a single shot. That's a good enough reason to use them, after all guns are incredibly loud and the muzzle flash reveals your position but I doubt you'll find anyone arguing that arrows are better.
Landspeeders - Meh, true enough. I doubt they have safety regulations on Tatooine though, and until recently most cars had none of the stuff that a landspeeder lacks. It's standard sci-fi protocal by now to skip seat-belts
Stormtrooper Armor - Standing out is the point (they're intimidating) and the helmet doesn't restrict view, it offers 360 degree view to those who are trained in its use. Luke didn't know how to turn it on so he got the standard no peripherals view
Death Star II - The path was because the station wasn't finished yet
Sarlaac - Tack on the fact that it can eat the same meal for 1000 years. Jabba's sarlacc must have been full all the time
Asteroid Worm - It's main foodsources are asteroid minerals (which it gets from being in the asteroid) and mynocks. Ships are just a delicacy that it eats when it can
Midi-Chlorians - True enough, that was one of the dumbest things ever introduced to the Star Wars universe (especially since methods of detecting high force-sensitivity already existed in the EU. Why none of them was used is beyond me.
There are two kinds of fool One says 'This is old therefore good' Another says 'This is new therefore better'- Dean Ing
Hey! Lets go back to 1977 and make the movie to rigorous, scientifically accurate standards. Gee, isn't that better? No, it utterly SUCKS now, because you have drained all the striking originality and surprise out of it, but do you get that? NO, because you are a walking imagination-free zone shaped exactly like an idiot.
Give me back the time it took to read this article.
I know this guy, he's pretty cool and does a local internet radio show. He has a bunch more stuff on his site. If you found that one funny check out the others.
Paying taxes to buy civilization is like paying a hooker to buy love.
I always thought the obvious influence for the character of C3PO was Ambassador Magnan from Keith Laumer's Retief stories.
There is no God, and Dirac is his prophet.
SW is supposed to be space opera -- i.e., what laws of physics? What rules of design? What about sound waves in space?
Does this blogger realize who long dying opera characters can keep singing, for pete's sake?
FTA: you have to wonder why stormtroopers don't just walk around naked, save for blinders and flip-flops.
Scalzi may have just revealed more about himself that he intended. This also explainss his obsession with the Death Star's exhaust port and the Emperor's "huge exposed shaft"...
NTTAWWT
1) hiltless light sabors
1R) looking back at all the movies, I have NEVER seen anyone slide a light sabor across another. I speculate that there's something about the blade of a sabor that has a very high resistance on another similar blade. Every time they clash, they always have to withdraw to swing again. So in that respect, a hilt is pointless.
2) poorly designed blasters
2R) getting back to the unknowns, I think we can safely assume despite the appearance, they're not shooting lasers. Whatever it is, (plasma?) it's probably going as fast as it can as a projectile. And the sound it makes may be a factor of what it is. How silent is winging a blob of plasma? One thing they have going for them is I haven't ever seen anyone with a blaster run out of ammo or sport a bandolier.
3) unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor
3R) considering how icky the stuff coming OUT of a reactor exhaust port probably is, it's not too surprising if it's hard to put a shield around. (you certainly don't want to keep it IN, and most people aren't interested in getting TO it) And they did say it was small. (3M?) Consider the size of the deathstar. That's like a pinhole in a buick. Would a pinhole in your car worry you? And DS2 wasn't even 60% complete, it's no wonder there were some open shafts still in it, to get materials installed. DS2 was also relying on the planet based shield generator to keep it safe from attack.
4) stormtrooper uniforms
4R) I was thinking about this, and they do seem to suck for blaster-resistance. But then blasters seem to shoot through just about anything short of walls, so there may not be a point to trying to stop it. And I don't see them as bulletproof, they're more for trauma resistance, against people with bladed or blunt weapons, maybe primatives. (tho they had problems with ewoks...) Luke couldn't see well out of his helmet, but remember "aren't you a little short for a storm tropper?" He was wearing gear for someone a lot taller than him, he was probably looking out the nosehole.
5) Star Destroyer bridge towers
5R) that's hard to defend. We'll just give you that one. But then look at say the older aircraft carriers with the brdige up on top? I believe they've moved those to the bowels of the ship, but they didn't used to be there. In that time though they needed to be able to see the battlefield, but with electronics and screens now that's just a bad idea.
6) R2D2 can't talk
6R) he talks with luke via the display in his cockpit just fine. He's designed to plug into the back of the xwing and fix things, or move about inside a larger ship and fix things. Why should he need to talk to anyone any other time? His legs are only there as a convenience so they don't have to get out a dolly to move him from one ship to another or around the inside to get where he needs to fix stuff. He's a mechanic, not a conversationalist. Try chatting with a mechanic while he tries to change your alternator, he'll probably tell you to go read a magazine in the lounge and get out of his hair.
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
From TFA:
In the first movie, he's climbing down stairs. He can go up and down any normal stairs -- I wouldn't presume shallow.
But I do agree the rockets are stupid. Even within the Star Wars universe, they're stupid. They have passes the rocket stage and have gravitational and levitational equipment.
R2 was cuter using his built-in maintenance droid utilities like the little round saw. Turning him into a James Bond car was just silly.
As for his "voice chip", he already has one! His language is just the beeps and boops language, a language that must be fairly common around the galaxy because most people can understand him. And he understands what people say. So it's a non-issue that he doesn't speak English-qua-Galactic Common.
I don't know why everyone thinks The Brat invented the Goldenrod(tm) brand of droid. It seemed obvious to me that The Brat was just re-assembling one from a bunch of parts of several. After all, who the hell puts into production something assembled by a kid? Did the kid somehow whip up the whole "protocol" part of it as software, while he was at it? Didn't anyone think of a pretty, polished, gold robot for state functions before? Which is obviously not what was on the kid's mind.
No, The Brat just put a Goldenrod together from the junked parts of several others.
As for the design defects, this is the future and exposed wiring is hardened against water and whatnot.
True, but then you'd have to avoid your own handguard as well as the blade itself. I can technobabble it away, though. Light saber blades don't slide well against each other. Hence no need for a handguard.
I wondered at the time where 3PO relates the description of victims, "...where you will be slowly digested over a thousand years." I was like, "Cool! It extends your life by way over ten times!"
(-1: Post disagrees with my already-settled worldview) is not a valid mod option.
Ok, I'll be the first to admit that Lucas isn't the best designer in the world, and that the prequels sucked, but most of the points brought up are kinda garbage.
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#2 - If the DM is wrong, see rule #1
It seems that the writer of the article is a Star Wars fan poking a little bit of fun at something he holds dear to him. That being said, we all know that Star Wars is obscenely unrealistic, realism is not the point! Star Wars is not trying to be hard sci-fi ala 2001 or Blade Runner, it is an epic adventure/fantasy/spaghetti western that happens to take place in outer space. The point of Star Wars is to tell a great story with great characters and to have a lot of fun along the way, at which is succeeds marvelously (well, at least until 1999 or so). If you start trying to make sense of the science, you have already missed the point. If we are talking about Star Trek, please tear the science apart, it is presented to give the impression that at least certain parts of it are scientifically plausible (calm down fanboys, I love both equally but they cover very different ground). But knocking Star Wars for being unscientific is like berating the Flintstones for showing humans and people together.
To the haters: You can't win. If you mod me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine
Oh c'mon this blog looks like it has been copied from some chapter of "The Big Bang Theory". Too uber-geek for me, yikes...
Anyway, why you care about voice chips and lightsabers and say nothing against the disgustingly cute Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks (they all give me the creeps). And I don't think they are "design" flaws, cause I dont't think "intelligent design" has anything to do with the Star Wars universe (nor THIS universe either....and yes, I don't think Texas is in THIS universe anymore :P )
So I haven't quite gotten through all of the posts yet, cause wow....there are a lot, but has anyone thought to tell this John Scalzi guy that it's a movie. Maybe introduce him to the concept of suspension of disbelief for the purpose of entertainment. I mean really most movies that aren't documentaries can be torn apart for being unrealistic or next to impossible, but the point of the movie was to entertain and tell a story, to rip it a part just takes away from the entertainment aspect of the movie...IMHO
I think the parent did point out how you can overcome some of the criticisms.
My pet peeves have always been:
1) Battle droids that appear to have been built out of balsa wood. Maybe this is showing quantity vs. quality fallacy...but even the Sherman in WWII wouldn't fall apart that easily when facing a Tiger.
2) Land crafts and ships that travel far too fast for actually being able to control. I know cinematically it is interesting but it was really hard to watch the speeder bikes and flying car sequences. Perhaps they have really fancy control systems... Note: what happens in Star Wars is far different from modern jet combat where speed and control system make sense.
3) Gratuitous variety. Most everything needs to be unique or different in SW. Nearly every ship is different, every building, every planet. I guess in this galaxy mass production is frowned upon and ships are built by skilled carriage builders. Forgive the hyperbole..I know there are exceptions (filghts of X-Wings, droids, etc.) Cool from a special effects and visual experience but I've seen plenty of futuristic movies that have some design commonality and I never once thought "Why aren't all the cars on the road unique?"
Probably others but haven't watched the movies in quite sometime.
I love the sound of distortion in the morning -- webcommando
Perhaps Anakin told the librarian bot at the Tatooine Public Library 'I want every language translation (book/tape/disk/whatever) you have' and imported them all into C3P0's memory. By the time the copyright cops caught up with him he had become Darth Vader so they let him go as a matter of professional courtesy (sort of how sharks don't bite lawyers)
Any insufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
Not only the engineering stuff, but looking at a creature like Jar Jar Binks,. . . that's a walking contradiction to Darwin's Theory of Evolution right there, not to mention a Darwin-Award-waiting-to-happen,. . . And Jabba the Hut seems to fail miserably in the "survival of the fittest" category! How a fat slug of a creature like that could not only climb above the food chain on Tatooine, but also manage to squeak through it's political structure, is a complete mystery! ;-)
"If R2 spoke, they would have gotten an R rating. I believe that most of the time, he is screaming obscenities at all of the other characters." -Justme
here are my thoughts on the subject.
http://zeos386sx.blogspot.com/2005/11/repulicempires-it-department-sucks.html
not that any of this detracts from the awesomeness of episodes 4,5,6.
lose != loose
I can believe the bad design choices of R2D2 and C3P0 if they were designed by committees. Nothing ruins a good design more than lots and lots of meetings and demands for consensus and compromises.
It probably went something like this:
Engineer 1: "So the demo's all ready to go. Did you guys finish the voice synth integration?"
Engineer 2: "Uhh yeah.... so actually, they cut that from the project."
Engineer 1: "WTF?!?!?"
Engineer 2: "Management said that testing time would take too long and we'd miss the product launch deadline for this holiday season so they told us to scrap it."
Engineer 1: "What? How is this machine supposed to communicate?"
Engineer 2: "They said to just leave the diagnostic beeper in with the developer's code manual. The voice chip will be a separately available upgrade in 6 months. Besides, this thing is really just supposed to talk directly to other machines. What's the worst that could happen?"
Engineer 1: "I'm selling my stocks in this company this afternoon, want to join me?"
Engineer 2: ".... Yeah I guess so. I hear there's this other awesome project, some kind of moon-sized battleship. It should be fun. Let's check if they're hiring!"
And I bet that the Death Star problems were due to budget overruns...
The Jedi Knights can move objects with their minds.... yet they fight with what is essentially a flashlight on steroids that has an "on/off" switch. Why don't the smart Jedi just "use the force" to switch off their opponents saber? I guess the argument could be made that the other Jedi would just "use the force" to keep the saber switched on... but wouldn't all saber battles melt down into a concentration battle for who could switch their damn weapon on?
Venus flytrap : wet region. Prey : small insect relatively easy to find in those region. Sarlac : big ass stuff, which would need a lot of energy jsut to maintain its metabolism, in the middle of a freaking desert where animal of such size should be slightly rare. Put the sarlac scene in the middle of a region with big game, wet savanah, grassland or whatever. But in the desert ? You are kidding me, it is unjustifiable by any means.
C. Sagan : A demon haunted world:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345409469/
visit randi.org
(apologies to facebook)
Jedis are stupid. If they were so powerful, why couldn't they handle counseling for a kid who missed his mom?
The personal touch will always be part of politics (and I'm not referring to employees or young boys or Minneapolis bathrooms.)
Humans seem to be suckers for it--- couldn't get those two hostages free in North Korea with a Skype chat on Opera with Bill Clinton! Bill had to go in person; showing respect (and courage-- seriously, if they are as nuts as the "news" tells us then its insane to risk a bigger mess when they have Bill as a hostage. So clearly they are not as crazy as we've been told here in the USA...)
Democracy Now! - uncensored, anti-establishment news
Dont over-interpret it.
Two years ago someone posted a 150 PDF about the writing of the Star Wars screenplays, particulalry the first one. And it had morphed all over the place without much thought to world building.
There are some authors like Toklein and Hal Clement who insist on constructing a detailed world before writing the novel. But that was not Lucas's style in the beginning.
I always wondered why people used Luke saying "I can't see a thing in this helmet" to justify how bad storm trooper armor is. He is about 5' 6" tall, most storm troopers top 6'. He's not just a little shorter than the average trooper, he is noticeably shorter to the point that remarking on it is the first thing Leia says to him. Just because he couldn't see that well while wearing a suit of armor designed for somebody a half a foot taller than him does not mean that the helmets were poorly designed, the much taller Han doesn't seem to have any difficulties.
Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really?
I searched all the comments for this and not one person correctly pointed out that "The shaft is ray shielded, so you'll have to use proton torpedoes."
Slashdot, you disappoint me.
A Hugo-award winning science fiction buff who doesn't realize that midi-chlorians are based on mitochondria? For shame.
While I would have preferred to leave the Force mysterious, I think midi-chlorians are one of the *best* revisions in the Star Wars universe. Understanding that mitochondria probably started out as bacteria which began living symbiotically with algae -- a symbiosis so successful, they do indeed provide the 'life force' to every eukaryotic organism on the planet.
I found the link to starwars.com in the summary very helpful. Without that, I might not have known what Star Wars is.
mirrorshades radio -- darkwave, industrial, futurepop, ebm.
If the Empire had OSHA, Darth Maul would still be alive today. Handrail technology clearly was known in the Star Wars universe -- even Ewoks had handrail technology. Yet it's surprisingly absent from the more advanced civilizations in the Star Wars universe. As an example, there are numerous stairs on Tatooine with no handrails. And the Death Star, the pinnacle of Empire technology, had numerous bottomless pits without handrails, or any other safety equipment. Clearly the lack of an appropriate regulatory agency is to blame for the sad state of safety in the Start Wars universe. OSHA requires the following for bottomless pits: "Every pit and trapdoor floor opening, infrequently used, shall be guarded by a floor opening cover of standard strength and construction. While the cover is not in place, the pit or trap opening shall be constantly attended by someone or shall be protected on all exposed sides by removable standard railings." Had proper safety equipment been in place at the bottomless pit where Darth Maul flung Obi Wan Kennobi over the side, Obi Wan would have remained in view of Darth Maul, or Obi Wan would have been spotted by the pit attendant, and Obi Wan would not have been able to engage in the sneak attack the lead to Darth Maul's untimely death.
The wings in space are potentially there to act as radiators to get rid of excess heat. I know it is a stretch, but possible. "Wings in attack formation" for X-wings spread them out, potentially increasing heat radiation with the expectation that with lasers blasting and larger amounts of maneuvering, there would be more heat loading. Or it might just be to look cool. Or to spread the lasers to an even more unweildy configuration.
"most epic FAILs"
Why is it that every single nobody in the world thinks that this or that bit or trivia is "epic". Star Wars, the original movie, was probably epic. It ranks up there with ancient epics, like the Hercules stories. (The originals, I mean) But, every booger picking zit faced fool on the planet thinks that he has something "epic" when he writes a blog.
Come on. The author isn't even an epic failure. He's a nobody, who will be forgotten 30 seconds after I close this window. Not even the Star Wars sequels and ripoffs are epic. Star Wars failures? Oh well - Hercules had some flaws in his universe too, but he managed to entertain people for millenia. THAT is truly epic.
"Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it." - Charlie Br
C'mon moderators, are you totally incapable of recognizing irony, even when *labeled* as such?
I've got to metamoderate more.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
Here is a sneak peek if Star Trek can get a reboot/rewrite so can Star Wars.
Remember, Slashdot does not have a -1 disagree moderation, and no, troll, flamebait, and overrated are not substitutes.
Large Automated Sensing Emergency Response System.
Ha, fixed that error^H^H^H^H^H Factual misunderstanding.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Poor-design? Did the Bible have poor design choices? No, because it's the Bible. It's like saying 'Froot-Loops don't taste like real fruit' to which the answer is always 'Froot-Loops taste exactly like fresh froot... they taste deliciously froot-like'. It's impossible to have a poor design choice in a fantasy universe that utilizes technologies way beyond the comprehension of ourselves. And one day I will have a lightsabre, fear it minions of evil.
I thought the article was really funny. However, it's clear that Scalzi hasn't spent much time fencing. Real fighting with an edged weapon is nothing like theatrical fencing—which is what Scalzi is apparently thinking of.
In theatrical fencing, the idea is to simulate a real fight without actually risking injury to the actors, who are usually not wearing fencing masks. Thus, there's a great deal of jumping around and clashing of blades. In a real fight (or even a saber fencing bout), there's only two reasons why the combatant's blades would ever come into contact: either they are parrying, or they are trying to beat their opponent's weapon out of line to create an opening. Usually, the contact of blade on blade is only momentary—you want your blade free to move at all times.
There is one exception to this. Sometimes, a parry or beat will result in a "bind"—a maneuver something like arm-wrestling, the purpose of which is to get the upper hand through main force by pushing your opponent's weapon out of the way. Because you are pushing against his blade, friction and the angle of the forces involved prevent your blade from "sliding" down to his hand. In any case, there are well-known maneuvers for disengaging from an unwanted bind.
In a light-saber battle, your primary targets would probably be your opponent's hand and wrist, just as it is in epee and saber fencing today. This is not because you "slide down the blade" of your opponent, but for the simple reason that the hand holding the saber is the part of your opponent that is closest to you. It could be argued that hand guards like those found on contemporary epees or sabers would be a good idea for these fictional weapons...but then you might as well go for full body armor.
If I were going to object to the light-saber battles in Star Wars on grounds of realism, it would be that they last far too long. A real battle with nearly weightless edged weapons that can cut through anything shouldn't last more than 10 seconds.
Great men are almost always bad men--Lord Acton's Corollary
I'm surprised he didn't mention the AT-ATs. One of the commenters on the blog did.
These things are ridiculous! High center of gravity, vulnerable and complex means of locomotion... and ask Pink Five pointed out, "they only have guns in the front, right? So just, like, don't fly in FRONT of them!"
And I always wondered why a single speeder was able to destroy one once it was toppled, but for some reason it's invincible while upright??
"Slow down, Cowboy! It has been 3 years, 7 months and 26 days since you last successfully posted a comment."
R2D2
He is a comic effect character, his non-speech is a great writing trick in that it allows him to say the greatest lines, without them ever having to be written. It is a similar trick to the never seen characters in tv. They can be ANYTHING because they never have to be real.
C-3PO
The other half of the comedy paring. He is the talker and plays the role of the well english aristrocate who is utterly useless but by being such a poofter allows everyone else to be really macho. If you want a really spicy sauce, add some sugar. He walks like he does and looks the way he does because the people who build him had to come up with a design that could be worn by a human yet not look like all the REALLY gigantic and unwieldy man-inside-a-plastic-suit-robots that had come before. R2-D2 and C-3PO might look crappy and make little practical sense, but have you actually watched robots of previous movies? Or even of movies like Battlestar Galactica and The Black Hole?
Lightsabers.
Lucas wanted sword fights because they look cool. Regular swords wouldn't look very sci-fi and flaming swords would look even less sci-fi. Light-sabers look cool. They have no other reason. As for hand guards, that would have ruined the futuristic look. There are only so many hand-guard designs you could come up with and any of them would look like an existing design ruining the notion that this adventure is taking place in another universe. Remember, unlike say LoTR or Star Trek, EARTH DOES NOT EXIST. The lightsaber is designed the way it is designed for no other reason then to look sci-fi and not like a futuristic version of a saber or samuri-sword or whatever.
Blasters.
They don't shoot light because a concentrated beam of light does a lot of damage, it shoots light because it looks cool. The effect is similar to watching a gun battle with tracer rounds. It is the same reason why bullets spark when they hit steel, because just wathing some small holes appear in a car is boring. They make a sound, because you don't sit in a theather with massive boxes to watch a silent flick. It is the same reason star ships make a sound. It isn't for any reason other then to give the audience something to listen to. People see guns, they expect bangs. Just like in Star Trek the transporter whines (this is explained in a later book as being a carrier wave that apparently give a minute improvement to the safety, the klingons don't have it. Yes this is after the fact science mumbo-jumbo but the original reason was simple, it sounds better)
Landspeeders.
Now he is REALLY reaching. Lucas is A: an american, a country that hates seatbelts and B: he forgets that on motor cycles you don't wear seat belts either. Seatbelts are boring and in the era the movie was made they were rarely worn by characters in any vehicle. Come on, I can come up with better crap then this (and will)
Storm troopers.
The in universe idea behind the uniforms is to make for a faceless, anonymous killing machine to inspire fear through intimidation. You can kill a hundred storm troopers and you would never know as a hundred identical ones take his place. The real reason however is simple, lucas needed a cheap uniform that looked nothing like anything else and could completly hide the actor inside so he could interchange them and re-use them. He could see dozens "die" and next scene the same actors are there again and the audience never notices. It is brilliant. Remember, a new hope was made on a budget. The proof of lucas brilliance? A storm trooper uniform is about the only uniform a sci-fi festival attendee doesn't look like a total dork in, but actually a bit like a real (if impractically equipped soldier).
The Death Star
It is called a MORAL you idiot. David vs Goliath. That the biggest can be felled by the smallest. Does this guy GET story telling? At ALL? Did he whine that there is no way any prince would kiss a woman who hasn't had a bath in 100 years (sl
MMO Quests are like orgasms:
You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.
Instead of complaining about Star Wars, look into the common sci-fi universe (particularly in movies) which are not only incredible, but not internally consistent. Once you star picking nits, you'll realise that Stargate has more in common with The Jetsons than with reasonable forecasts of science and technology. That's why pop sci-fi BORES me. I'd much rather read 'speculative fiction', which is internaly consistent and doesn't depart to greatly from what we now know to be true. A future which logically follows the present. I would enjoy working on defining the 'reality' of a speculative future, in which I could have my characters live and my plots play out. I am now working on such a near future, in which man travels to nearby star systems, but at sub-light speeds and hasn't encountered any aliens. If anyone cares to see what I hae in mind, check out http://realisticinterstellartravel.blogspot.com
In the future, I will never appreciate a piece of fiction unless it is 100% scientifically accurate.
..but there is one problem. SW isn't science fiction, its fantasy (and possibly space opera to boot). A lot of the so called 'science fiction' stories that people love to bash for being utterly scientifically silly aren't actually sci-fi.
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
No sounds do not exist in space, even though many think it does.
Wrong. Sound is pressure waves that propagate through a medium. Space is not an absolute vacuum, just a very, very, very thin medium. So, sound would exist, but it would dissipate very quickly, and it would have to be VERY loud to be heard at any distance.
Yes, sound would not exist in space as you see it in the movies, but saying that it doesn't exist at all is just as inaccurate.
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
I used to play an RPG called GURPS that separated sci-fi genres into the hard science fiction and space opera. Space opera is swashbuckling, shoot-from-the-hip adventures more focused on the action than appeasing the Trekkies' need to know how object X actually functions. The design of things like C3PO and R2-D2 is purely based on their story impact. One being the "adult" and one being the "child." AT-ATs were lumbering mechanical beast trudging along and unstoppable. The lack of a hand guard added to the danger and respect you have for a jedi's skills. Trying to apply real-world rules and ergonomics to fantasy is just silly.
I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
All movies are designed visually, with any attention to science as an afterthought. Star Wars was designed for kids, so it's all kid-friendly droids, easy to recognize black / white stuff. It was also designed as a one-off movie because he only got funding for one movie. That's why Episode 4 (a tag added in a later edition) was the only one of the 6 which has a beginning and end, rather than a set up for the next movie. Only after it took off did the funding come in for the other 2. Episode 5 was in large part a set up for episode 6 since they knew they were doing it.
There are plenty of mistakes caused by the prequels, they contradict some history written as a brief throwaway line in the original movies. Everything written for episode 4 set the boundaries for what would come after, from characters, outfits, ships, political / social settings etc. Episode 4 was written as a visual matinée for kids, with lots of effects, shooting, sword duels, saving the princes etc. It wasn't written with any forethought. The designs they could bring to the screen then was limited too in terms of costumes to get actors into, sets for them to act on as well as post production effects. The design process for everything was focused around the fact that it had to be practical to shoot and look good on film, without being too scary for the kids.
In some cases the expanded universe does provide "extra explanations" on some mistakes in the movies, but they are just that, explanations you can use to fill the gap, it does not change the fact that something they put in the movie does not make sense. They are mistake patches, not removers.
It does not help that George Lucas seems to have spent his entire career rehashing the SW franchise every couple of years and releasing yet another new remaster, so you can't just mention which episode 4 you mean but the exact edition. I gave up on this a long time ago, the sooner SW fans boycott new remasters the sooner Lucas will give up trying to milk them. I don't care if Han shot first, I don't care if Hayden Christiansen appeared at Vader's funeral pire as a ghost, the first remaster with everything cleaned up and digitized was fine, leave it alone from then on in.
Doug: Uh question for Ms. Bellamy. In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a... [the nerds chuckle] a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
Wizard.
Um...The Force?
Let's not even go near the idea of light beams being slow enough to dodge; that's just something you have let go of, or risk insanity.
You can't see light beams. So, more likely, this is a non-linear interaction between a radiation source and air.
But Luke's X-34 speeder on Tatooine? The Yugo of speeders, man. One hard stop, and out you go.
They have artificial gravity, so they don't need seat belts.
Add it all up and you have to wonder why stormtroopers don't just walk around naked, save for blinders and flip-flops.
Because that would be scary.
evolution here seems wacky, too
Some of these creatures might be genetically engineered.
So, large space worm lives in asteroid, disguises itself as a cave and waits for unwary spaceships to fly by so it can eat them?
An organic space ship gone bad?
Not every Sarlaac can count on an intergalactic mob boss to feed it tidbits.
It may not always have been a desert.
This, in my opinion, is the best tone to use while writing about the design issues of the Star Wars universe:
.
O N T H E I M P L A U S I B I L I T Y O F
T H E D E A T H S T A R ' S
T R A S H C O M P A C T O R
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2002/01/10deathstar.html
I don't think it's fair to say the Star Wars universe was intelligently designed; there's simply no proof of this. Yet there's plenty of evidence suggesting evolution. Just look at the Wookie for example. Who would design such a thing? Or whatever Jar Jar Binks is. Clearly, this is a product of evolution, not ID.
There's no -1 for "I don't get it."
I seem to remember Han Solo standing on the loading ramp of the Falcon taking pot shots at the storm troopers while they shoot wildly around him. They do manage to hit the Falcon at take off and a few times ship to ship before he escapes. This is very similar to the scene where Leia and Chewbacca escapes from Cloud City in ESB.
Face it. They couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.
My favorite sci-fi design flaws are in "2001: A Space Odyssey". Much love to the late Arthur C. Clarke, whose brilliance is immortalized, but damn! The one flaw that stands out the most is the external oxygen cable that connects the helmet to the EVO pack. One quick tug by HAL and poof! no more air for you.
"Crude and slow, clansman. Your attack was no better than that of a clumsy child."
Shouldn't we really be discussing the work rules of the original death star? Didn't those guys have a union. They were really overworking them
There's one thing about Star Wars that has bothered me since I was about 8. If C3-PO is supposed to be fluent in 6 million forms of communication, why is sign language not one of them? I assume there are deaf people in the Star Wars universe. I would assume that they have created their own sign language of some sort. Maybe 3PO can understand them, but he can't talk back to them. Seems like a pretty big flaw in a protocol droid that is supposed to be able to work as a translator.
I think by "wings" you mean "s-foils" (they were called the latter in the films). It's pretty clear that the purpose of these were as weapon platforms (would you want some high-energy plasma mounted right beside the cockpit?).
Modern copyright is theft of culture from everyone and it retards the progress of the useful arts and sciences.
I was going to moderate your complaint down (offtopic, not flamebait or anything) but decided a response would be better in this case.
Your post may have been ironic (a sig doesn't actually label any particular post), but I didn't find it funny or interesting in the least, and it was rather abrasive. I could almost tell it was meant to be funny.
But, just like Lucas did with Jar Jar, sometimes you just miss. Surely he didn't intend for everyone to hate Jar Jar, in fact, you have to assume the opposite. He just got it wrong. Your initial post, according to the mods so far was a miss. Just accept your "-5 Jar Jar Binks" and move on.
Lister:
The Greeks have been camped outside of Troy, kapowin', zappin' and kersplattin' the Trojans for the best part of a decade, yeah? Then they wake up one mornin' and the Greeks have gone. And there outside the city walls they've left this gift, this tribute to their valiant foes, a huge wooden horse-- Just large enough to happily contain five hundred Greeks in full battle dress, and still have adequate room for toilet facilities!
Are you telling me not one Trojan goes, 'Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzie. What's wrong with a couple of hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave? No, they don't, they just wheel it in, and all decide to go for an early night.
People that stupid deserve to be kapowed, zapped and kersplatted in their beds!
And do you know what the funny thing is? From this particular phase in history derived the phrase - Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. When it'd be much more logical to derive the phrase - Beware of Trojans, they're complete SMEGHEADS!
Comment of the year
By all means then mod me offtopic. However I thought most people would realize that 100-16 is 84, not 79.
Post may contain irony: discontinue use if experiencing mood swings, nausea or elevated blood pressure.
n/t
Never let a lack of data get in the way of a good rant.
"...a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room..."
a) "What the Emperor does in his throne room is his own business."
b) "Leave with poopy pants, he who does not expose shaft while using throne room." - Yoda.
It's fiction. It's storytelling. It's art. It's entertaining.
And somebody gets their panties in a bunch because it's not accurate science and plausible?
And somebody else wants to argue about that?
Oops! - Sorry. I forgot this was Slashdot . . .
I never really liked Star Wars.
Doug: Uh question for Ms. Bellamy. In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a... [the nerds chuckle] a magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.
Wizard.
Can someone clue me in here?
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Pablo Picasso
The reason R2D2 and other artifacts do not speak is obviously to justify the purchase of C3PO and other protocol droids, considering that most planets actually speak English, so robots are really the only way to justify that purchase most of the times. This safe marketshare is the reason they didn't bother fixing C3PO's design flaws.
Copyright infringement is "piracy" in the same way DRM is "consumer rape"
Those things could be problems if Star Wars was Science Fiction. But Star Wars never was. It's Fantasy, or perhaps Science Fantasy if such a genre were to be defined.
"Nine times out of ten, starting a fire is not the best way to solve the problem." - my wife
Not only would it dissipate quickly, it wouldn't travel any further than the width of an atom. Take the moon mission as example, where the LEM traveled through the vacuum between the earth and the moon. Any sounds made by the men inside traveled to the surface of the vessel, and then stopped. There may have been one or two hydrogen atoms clinging to the skin that were "pushed off" by the sound's vibration, but that hardly qualifies as sound.
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
That's because Leigh Brackett wrote the screenplay for ESB. Well, okay, that's open to debate; however, she did write one treatment, and I'd strongly suspect that her good space opera writing had an effect on Lucas and Kasdan.
People will live where there are economic opportunities, and state lines, where there is a steep gradient in the price or availability of certain items or services due to different state laws, provide those opportunities.
The boundaries of Minnesota are pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but moving them will not remove the incentives for liquor stores open on Sundays on the Wisconsin side and fireworks stalls on the South Dakota side (I believe the laws may have changed since I left, but the principle is the same).
--
E_NOSIG
I happen to know the answer to that question. It was the MIDI-chlorians in the ribs that gave them the polyphonic capabilities.
Gasses are quantized (made up of little particles), breaking down your "sound in space" theory.
"linux is just DOS with a UNIX like syntax" -- Galactic Dominator (944134)
Well I understood you were making a joke about the innumeracy of liberal arts types. I thought it was funny.
Ignore these peons.
echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
Yep, the last three make that stupid 10 worst products of evolution thing look even more stupid (I hardly though it possible!).
... to waste time looking for flaws in a sci-fi movie.
Seriously, what kind of looser would spend time pushing the pause button on the remote to write a stupid article batching a movie with a made up plot.
How do we know that they don't have hand guards?
Sure we can't see them and nobody ever mentioned them - but that doesn't mean they aren't there. I have to say, I never saw anyone getting their fingers sliced off.
Also, for blasters - again, how do we know that the shot that is seen isn't a tracer, and using the same invisible stuff that lightsaber hand guards are made of, the main shots travel between them. Also, thereby killing the poor stormtrooper with multiple hits.
And as to the visibility from stormtrooper headgear - they were designed for clones, would they not have a precise form that wouldn't conform to Luke Skywalker's head. Maybe Boba Fett could put one on and he'd say "Wow! Great visibility, I can see everything with this."
Genesis 1:32 And God typed
Has he ever saw aliens of Star Trek?
So, here is a guy who has time on his hand - enough time, in fact, to go and point out that not only does he feel offended by the logical inaccuracies in Star Wars, but he can't stay away from the damned thing. A bit like the preachers who are secretly gay, but in public thunder against "that foul sin", perhaps?
Was Star Wars ever intended to be a scientifically accurate portrayal? Of course not, it's entertainment; a glittery space opera. I can think of a million more glaring inaccuracies - for starters, how about the setting in a galaxy "far, far away, long, long ago", but they all look remarkably like your average Earth life-forms, somehow. It's just entertainment, have some fun.
The Seven Sumarai is an obvious rip off of the Magnificent Seven.
According to your own link: "Epaulettes were a detachable dress item worn only with tunic or greatcoat for parade or off duty wear".
P.S. "Epaulettes" is what non-fucktards call those red flags on your shoulders.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
As that's only 1.47 metres, I assume that's for women? Even then it's quite short.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
They're quantized down here too. What was your point again?
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
1. R2D2 - he wasn't made to speak with humans but with other machines, why would you insert a voice chip in him, I don't know. I don't feel like talking with my toaster.
2. C3PO - it's a protocol droid, he has to be humble and he's great at that. Having some "balls" wouldn't be a good feature.
3. There are swords without handguards, and somehow people fought with them.
4. Blasters - well kinda agree here, but yet again not much was said about them, so we can't really judge them. Like guess what would people 500years ago say about cars? "It's huge, heavy and made of metal, why would I want something like that...".
5. Well some cars dont have seatbelts, neither do motorbikes. I think if you can build a lightsabre you can make something like a flying car in which you can actually sit in.
6. Stormtroopers' uniforms - this is my favourit one. Their uniforms where white INTENTIONALLY, camouflage wasn't an option here because they were supposed to bring fear everywhere they went, the sole sight of them should make their enemies run for their lives.
7. Deathstar - well if they had such strong defense, then why would they think someone could possibly hit that one tiny hole. And the second one was destroyed only because they weren't even halfway finished with it.
8/9. I pretty much agree here
10. Well midichlorians weren't that well described in the series, so we can't really tell whether injecting them is possible.
Nerd Bating!
There's no sound in space. A few stray molecules of hydrogen is NOT enough to propagate sound. I don't care if you're watching Mars collide with the Earth and go "boom", you're not going to hear anything from your shuttle orbiting the moon.
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
How poor? Did they use slashcode?
(I see taggings borked again)
At the bottom of the
The point of fiction is that you can make up anything you want and people will like it if its entertaining. No one cares that the stuff isn't realistic, you don't see people arguing about poor design in ghostbusters. Also, star wars copied stuff from an older similar style movie which I forget the name of.
They are dense enough down here that it's a statistical probability that they will bounce off each other. On the otherhand in space, there are so few that chances are they will never even come close to hitting, let alone do it enough to propogate sound waves.
Think of it like a ball pit, if you jump into a ball pit it makes a wave which propogates. Now go outside and jump up and down. Surely somewhere there are balls outside of a ballpit so by your logic you should be making ballpit waves that are just really hard to hear, which is, clearly bogus.
(disclaimer, I understand soundwave propogation is more complicated than a ballpit, it's called a metaphor...)
"linux is just DOS with a UNIX like syntax" -- Galactic Dominator (944134)
So at sea level there's sound, at ten thousand feet there's sound, in space there's no sound. At what altitude does it suddenly cut off then, Einstein? 50 thousand feet? 15,027 metres and 23.20126 cm?
The argument about discrete atoms is a pile of crap. Even at atmospheric pressure a gas is composed of much more empty space than atoms.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
A. N. Volobuev and A. P. Tolstonogov published a paper in the Journal of Engineering Physics and Thermophysics in 2003 in which they calculate the minimum atmospheric pressure necessary to propagate sound. They wrote that on Earth the pressure drops below this threshold at about 95km above sea level.
Distinctive Features of the Propagation of Sound Waves in a Perfect Gas at Low Pressure
"Slow down, Cowboy! It has been 3 years, 7 months and 26 days since you last successfully posted a comment."
A logarithmic scale seems like a good idea, but NO distribution would be so skewed that a very fast ship would have a score of +0.5 from the base (light.) This would mean we are constantly measuring speeds in numbers like 0.3932831. A civilization with technology like this would surely know how to normalize a numeric distribution.
If I am not correct on the assumption of extremely small galaxy size (and modified physics to allow for such small interstellar distances without galactic collapse), then it follows necessarily that an even more irrational system - the implied speed scale - is present.
Not sure if anyone's pointed out the Darths & Droids webcomic yet, seems extremely relevant.
http://www.darthsanddroids.net/
While admittably, the technology of Star Wars wasn't terribly well conceived, this whole thing must be looked at retroactively.
When Jules Verne first wrote of a trip to the moon around 1880, he wrote of a large cannon, shooting a cannonball that would contain a passenger. Rockets hadn't been invented yet. Doesn't mean that Jules Verne was an idiot. One way or the other, we did land a man on the moon, and to be fair, it did take a whole lot of firepower.
It's laughable to consider Sci-Fi "wrong!". It's FICTION! Of course it's wrong...The fact is that a long of sci-fi writers imagine things long into the future, and come up with impossible ideas. Sometimes, those ideas become possible by research, and that's a great achievement, both for the author and the scientist.
Don't look for anything more... Unless you're reading Nostradamus, of course...
I wrote a short story years ago in high school on that very topic.
Here is a quote from a character Lenos Vicar explaining why astromech droid don't get voice modules.
"Voice module? Bah first off each division's astromechs have their own "Blip" codes to prevent audables being picked up on atmospheric ops. (My assumption is in a future that technologically advanced listening device should be pretty damn good) But the key reason is bonding... Last thing we want is our pilots getting attached to the little shits. Their disposable. I can't count the number of Empire high court bueracrats that get attached to their bulter droids. Last thing I need is some cry-baby getting all wet over his co-pilot getting shot."
-=[ Who Is John Galt? ]=-