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Talk about a choice between Giant Douchebag and Turd Sandwich...

Give me a Sandwich and a Douchebag, and there is nothing I cannot do.

The Triple-Trac. Because you'll believe anything.

Yesterday Boston-based Gillette introduced Mach3, a men's three-bladed razor that it described as its most important product launch since the 1971 debut of Trac II, the world's first twin-blade razor.

Big is the new small.http://snltranscripts.jt.org/01/01bjeffreys. phtml/

Sometimes Saturday Night Live does a great job of showing (by exaggeration) the political climate of the time. Case in point: "Campaign '92: The Race To Avoid Being The Guy Who Loses To Bush":

---

Sen. Bill Bradley (Kevin Nealon): What about me? If Lloyd wants to talk about lack of substance, I say what about me? I'm an ex-jock. End of story. The fact is, Lloyd is one of the finest minds in the Senate! In fact, he reminds many of us of another great democrat - John F. Kennedy.

Sen. Lloyd Bentsen (Kiefer Sutherland): Sen Bradley, I knew Jack Kennedy.. I worked with Jack Kennedy.. I am no Jack Kennedy.

Sen. Bill Bradley: Senator, that was uncalled for.

...

Gov. Mario Cuomo (Phil Hartman): Sen. Bentsen, I resent the suggestion that you are somehow more the candidate of Willie Horton than anyone else here! The fact is, as governor of New York, I have pardoned criminals far worse than Willie Horton! Including key figures in organized crime, who happen top be close friends of mine! Yes! I'm talking about the mob!

...

[closing statements]

Moderator: And now, Sen. Bentsen.

Sen. Lloyd Bentsen: I'm old.. and I'm only gonna be getting older. Older and more confused. Hell, I can't tell you all the names of the people that are standing right here. One thing I can tell you, is that George Bush would beat the living bejebus out of me. He's done it before, just ask a couple friends of mine - Michael Dukakis and Willie Horton.

Moderator: And, finally, Gov. Cuomo.

Gov. Mario Cuomo: Thank you, Fay. Tonight, we've heard a lot about images of perception, about what poll shows what candidate losing by the least to whom at any given time.. Now, I could stand here and talk about the inaccuracy of polling, or the subjective nature of the process - but that's not the real issue here! The real issue is simple - I.. have.. mob ties!

On this last point, one network admin is quoted: "The changes in Vista are significant enough that we think we can absorb the change going to Macs just as easily as going to Vista."

I am dating my self but I remember seeing that skit when it was first aired.
Mod parent Funny.

---that's because at the top of a comment it says who it was written by, and what you did was plagiarism. your attempt to make excuses for it does not in any way change the fact that you passed another's comment off as your own. those of us who are bothered by this may not be able to punish you for your action, but we can mark you as a foe so we know before even reading your comments that you're an asshat.

If you could, you ought to consider WHY I do this? I give coherent arguments on other troll threads (well, I go against what the mainstream thought is) , but why did I copy, VERBATIM, in this post?

It is akin to satire. Dupe article gets dupe threads.. Now why nobody thought of posting dupe posts to my dupes, well, Oh well..

And, on my other trolls (which are ones that hold exactly oposite views of the majority here) do not include copying verbatim, unless quoting. And I didnt even copy any of your stuff (because it wanst considered highest quality), so you have no place to complain.

By the way, whats an Asshat? Is that anal bum cover?

Bad Idea Jeans

-Eric

Where is the Bag O' Glass? Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set? Mr. Skin-Grafter? General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit? Doggie Dentist? How about Johnny Switchblade, Adventure Punk or the Teddy Chainsaw Bear?

What kind of kist is this?

All my furnishings are made out of adobe, asshat. Get with times. So is my car; guess I don't have to worry about fire.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86dadobe.phtml/

The router is $5 plus tax and shipping ($14.10 total) until Nov 8, then it's going to $30, supposedly. It's got Linksys guts in it, so I expect it to be a fairly decent consumer-level piece.

You told me it had Sony guts!
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91ssabra.phtml

The "The Platinum Mach 14" (scroll down). Good stuff!

October 11, 1975 - guest host George Carlin

Some AC below was kind enough to post a link... absolutely wonderful.

I'm taking those speed pills of yours, and I'm wearing the vibrating heat beads, and by "Riding your Snake", not only have I lost 65 pounds in four days, but guess what? I found out I'm the Devil! And I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with all the blood of all its sinners! I am reborn! And I've got YOU to thank, Jimmy Tango! http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95ttango.phtml

I need to find me Pirate Convention in this port... perhaps Peter Sarsgaard will attend?

"GET A LIFE!!!!!!"

Well, your point would be a little more effective if the quote you gave was actually from Shatner, rather than a Saterday Night Live skit.

The website you gave *was* http://snltranscripts.jt.org/

Dr Baker watched over 700 Star Trek episodes -- more than 624 hours

Did she see the episode where Kirk says at a Trek convention;

"You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!"

Kirk said it. Not me. Don't mod me down.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a big purple dinosaur. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like the defendant makes fun of big purple rhyming dinosaurs, then he is entitled to no less than two million years in jail. Thank you.

R.I.P. Phil Hartman, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

If I was a scientist, you know what I would clone? Hot dogs! Think of all the possibilities, Norm! Imagine, a world with...Hey, what's going on?...Imagine...hold on! Imagine a world with an endless supply of hot dogs! You could have a hot dog anytime you wanted! They'd be so abundant, they'd become our currency! 20 hot dogs would equal roughly a nickel, depending on the strength of the yen, I'm not quite sure, but...you know what, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's just keep praying that we can clone one of these hot dogs.

Sort of like one of the classic SNL skits "masterbrain" was the one where Reagan was totally in control of the Contra situation, speaking fluent arabic to banking contacts to finance the whole thing, doing all the calculations on money on a accountant calculator (or in his head) and keeping all the rest of the cabinet in the dark. http://snltranscripts.jt.org/86/86fmasterbrain.pht ml But at the same time the people claiming that Reagan did run the whole contra affair were also saying he was a senile, naive fool.

They even talked about 8x8 (2x 4 core CPUS). Just 4x4 strikes me as wasted power that the vast majority of enthusiasts would never touch. Most of the time the 2nd core is barely used even now.

Gillette has already created a version of this overkill in shaving:

These are land based sharks

Don't forget the Decibet (decimal alphabet)
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75rdecabet.phtml

A chance to use the metric alphabet!

More likely MS will start hiring old people to sit at the doors of all their offices so that nobody will dare file an antitrust lawsuit against them (think of the old people that would end up out on the street!)

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/82/82ntexxon.phtml

And if you MUST own one of these potential murderers, for God's sake get some insurance!

Santa Claus got the market on them ELF slaves not you! He has them cranking out IPODS and hopefully PS3 right now for all us boys and girls who have good credit!

The majority of us have also become stimulant addicts...

:-)

I can't wait!

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.

Are all these illegal immigrants sure they want to be in this country?

They didn't come to live in the "Land of the Free". They want to live in the "Land of Opportunity". It has always been about the money. Many of them are part of that group of people who believe we have too many freedoms.

You'll need COLONBLOW
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/89/89ecolonblow.phtml

;)

This african fish is no match for the cleverest species of them all...

The Landshark!!!

What is with all the pinkos lately?

IMHO it is better to have missile defense (SDI, Star Wars, whatever you choose to call it) than to not have it. If only to provide it to American allies such as Taiwan, Israel, Japan, South Korea, etc. Also, it's a great jobs program for smart Americans. Additionally, there are bound to be handy spinoffs.

Yeah it won't keep out the suitcase/shipping container nukes. So what, move out of the major cities until another strike hits, so we can then turn everything from Morocco to Pakistan into an elongated glass crater, I'll bring the marshmallows.

More like an old SNL skit:

http://snl.jt.org/detail.php?i=4443

Is this it? (SNL Transcript)

Alex Trebek: [ shakes head ] Let's just go with Foreign Flicks for $800. [ Connery buzzes in. ]

Sean Connery: Ursula Andress.

Alex Trebek: What?

Sean Connery: Ursula Andress, Catherine Deneuve, and Charo, twice.

Alex Trebek: That's Foreign Flicks, Mr. Connery. Foreign Flicks. Mr. Reeves, why don't you pick?

Keanu Reeves: I shall take Balloons for $800, if you please.

Alex Trebek: That's not a category.

Keanu Reeves: My mistake. I shall choose Balloons for $600.

Alex Trebek: I tell you what, let's do Colors That End in Urple. For $800. This color ends in "urple". [ Swank buzzes in. ] Hilary Swank.

Hilary Swank: What is light urple?

Alex Trebek: [ shakes head ] Wow. [ Reeves buzzes in. ] Keanu Reeves.

Keanu Reeves: I will venture a guess. Who is Jaleel White?

Alex Trebek: What?

Keanu Reeves: Is that not the gentlemen who played Urple, the humorous fellow with the glasses who loves cheese?

Alex Trebek: That's Urkel! [ Connery buzzes in. ] Oh good, Mr. Connery wants to say something.

Sean Connery: I thought of some more foreign ladies I snogged.

The ones with Norm Macdonald doing Burt Reynolds were gold. Midway through this sketch, Burt Reynolds changes his name to "Turd Ferguson".

Alex Trebek: That's not the right answer. [ Reynolds buzzes in ] Burt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds: That's not my name.

Alex Trebek: Okay. Turd Ferguson.

Burt Reynolds: [ laughs ] Yeah, what do ya want?

Alex Trebek: You buzzed in!

Burt Reynolds: No I didn't.

Alex Trebek: Yes you did!

Burt Reynolds: Yeah, well, that's your opinion.

Source

Alex Trebek: Good work, all right. Finally, Mr. Connery.. the category was Numbers, and you wrote.. [ shows his screen ] ..a letter V. Well, I tell you what, my friend - V is a Roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered.. [ wager is revealed to use the V as part of a K in "Suck it Trebek" ] "Suck it Trebek". [ Connery laughs wildly ] That's all the time we have. Good night, my.. [ Reynolds places over-sized hat on Trebek's head ] Would you get that off of me? [ pulls it off his own head ] [ fade out ] http://snltranscripts.jt.org/99/99cjeopardy.phtml

William Shatner on SNL

[ a knock at the door ]

Woman #2: [ appoaches the door ] Yes?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Arlsbergerhh??

Woman #2: Who?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Johnannesburrrr??

Woman #2: Who is it?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.

Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..

Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.

Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.

Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..

Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..

[ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ]

I dunno about that, but honda seems dead set to replace human workers with affordable robots. just don't let the old people find out about it!

Old Glory Insurance: Robot Insurance

As a senior citizen, you're probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/95/95foldglory.phtml

Tyler: You're not going to believe this...

Great skit, though.

The article didn't say much about the damage or how it was ascertained that it was not a postmortem marking from scavangers. (Ever see a big buzzard chow down on a carcass? They tear the crap out of it). They also steal from each other carting off verious pieces (like the skull). Say monkeys (or some pre-humanoid critter with an unpronounceable name) had some ritual where they were creeped out by the dead still eyes of the recently departed--what if they liked to poke 'em out with some stoney object they made/found? Or maybe The Falconer set the steely talons of Donald upon his mortal enemy--the pre-humanoid critter with an unpronounceable name, feasted upon his worm monkey brains, and thus, drove him to extinction!

Science like this begins where you assume something is true and you run with the theory--and if you can't find any evidence that goes against your theory, everyone congratulates you on your brilliant discovery. Perhaps a new technique down the road will prove this one wrong like this one refutes the sabor tooth tiger mauling. I think the damage could have easily been done postmortem by scavangers--unless they can prove otherwise with necropsy details. Although, with a 2 million year old cold case, it's anyone's guess.

CSI: Pliocene Epoch

My doctor refuses Medicare and public aid. He is still allowed to by law, but this may change. Because he refuses public insurance, he can lower his prices (and he still makes housecalls)

Is he Theodoric of York?"

Wrong skit. Steve is Dieter - but who will be the monkey?