Slashdot Mirror

Duke's tombstone

You must have missed this: Gas Prices Rise, Blood for Oil Conversion Foiled

Here's a link to a tongue-in-cheek tutorial about how to make PA/CAD-like web comics with a minimum of effort or talent. Apparently, all you need are rules like "don't draw anything" and "don't write jokes"

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=19 13

There's even a sample image generated using these rules.

Here's a link to a tongue-in-cheek tutorial about how to make PA/CAD-like web comics with a minimum of effort or talent. Apparently, all you need are rules like "don't draw anything" and "don't write jokes"

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=19 13

There's even a sample image generated using these rules.

from:
Internet to Shut Down Following Elton John Complaint

For one thing, he feels that the Web is ruining "good music," though he was later forced to admit that he hadn't made any himself since 1974. Moreover, he worries that the Internet is preventing people from going out and interacting socially. People should walk away from their computers, he advised, and "go out to a cafe" because, as we all know, coffee shops like Starbucks have been suffering mightily since the rising popularity of the Internet forced its customers to stay home.

Worst of all, the Internet makes it easier for people to make their own music. Not only does this DIY material fail to measure up to Elton's high song-smithing standards, it tends to sell better as well, which is all the more galling.

In what can only be described as a massive fraud, the American news media is trying to convince viewers and readers that the villain behind the VT massacre was 23-year-old student Cho Seung-Hui just because he was the one who happened to be holding the gun that happened to pump hundreds of rounds of ammunition into his unwitting classmates. Meanwhile, the real killer remains on the loose. Although our sources don't yet have definitive proof, we are now reasonably sure that Seung-Hui played violent videogames such as Counterstrike and Gears of War. Even more chilling, our experts tell us that unless something is done very soon, videogames will almost certainly kill again.

REDMOND, WASHINGTON- With the launch of their newest solitaire engine, Vista, Microsoft hopes to bring the art of single player card games to a whole new level. Gone is the flat green background, replaced by a seductive green-to-dark-green gradient. The "play" and "quit" buttons are pleasantly shiny like beads of glass, softly inviting you to click them. Even the diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs all have a sexy updated look. After poking around Vista for a few hours, it's difficult to imagine stacking sequential cards of alternating suits with anything less.

Even harder to believe is the steady stream of bad reviews for Vista. After five years of waiting, it would be understandable if some members of the press felt that Vista should represent a bigger jump from its predecessor than it does. For instance, they point to Microsoft's original promise that all versions of Vista would feature a common 64-bit architecture- but that makes no sense at all since the game only has 52 cards. It seems fairly clear that anyone talking trash about Vista just hasn't played it.

Satire becoming reality, I'm not sure wether I should laugh or cry about it.

Satire becoming reality, I'm not sure wether I should laugh or cry about it.

SONY's P3 Pricing Prompts Call for Nationalized Game Industry

LOS ANGELES, CA- At last week's E3 tradeshow, SONY executives proudly announced that their feature-packed Playstation3 game console would be priced at around $600 when it finally hits stores later this year. At twice the cost of Microsoft's XBox 360 and nearly three times that of Nintento's Wii, some worry that SONY's pricing target might push many gamers out of the market and create a stratified social system of the game-haves and the game-have-nots.

"A price tag is just a bit of paper- with a very, very large number printed on it," said Ken Kutaragi, President and CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment. "All it just means is that the P3 is twice as good as that stinky Xbox. And who wants to buy a Microsoft console, anyway? Those greedy jerks don't care about their customers at all."

Sensing a need for a bold large-scale solution, Senator Hillary Clinton (D. New York) has championed a new approach: nationalizing the consumer electronics industry.

"For our nation to succeed in the new millennium, we must find a way to control the skyrocketing cost of videogames," said Clinton at a recent rally. "Sure, critics will say that such a move would stifle innovation, but are you willing to tell a low-income child that they can't play Madden 2007 HD just because their dad never went to college?"

Here's one I did not too long ago called
Eric the Power-Mad DM about playing D&D back in the early 80's with a megalomaniac dongeon master.

Here's a Javascipt interpreter for the Old School Scott Adams games

Here's one I did not too long ago called
Eric the Power-Mad DM about playing D&D back in the early 80's with a megalomaniac dongeon master.

Here's a Javascipt interpreter for the Old School Scott Adams games

-- doesn't mean it still makes me laugh like an idiot.

Duke Nukem: Sometime

Pray I alter it no further.

Anybody notice that all this happened just a month or two after the premiere of their slightly less Death-Star-ish logo?

Here's the new one:

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/stock/att_logo.jpg

I saw this on /. and could not stop laughing. I put this pic together for a dumb Vista parody last night and had no idea it was actually real-

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=15 25

check out this myCrawlSpace profile:

Name: John "Wayne"
Occuation: Entertainer
Hobbies: Making new friends, excavation, "sad clown" collectables.
Motto: Want to know how many friends are in MyCrawlSpace? I could tell you but then I'd have to ... well, you get the idea.

Not fitting in at school? You're certain to fit in myCrawlSpace

REDMOND, WA- For years Windows users have lived under a blanket of fear, constantly checking their computers for malicious programs that take advantage of critical security flaws in the operating system lest they lose their hardware, their data, or even their identities. Thankfully those days might soon be over thanks to a new subscription service aimed at cleaning up Microsoft's mess. Even better, this new utility comes from the most trusted name in computing: Microsoft.

In truth, anti-spyware and anti-virus programs flood the market already, but they all share a common flaw: they're free. With freeware it is difficult, if not impossible, for consumers to know if it's really working. Experts say it takes a financial sting to make the software's real value apparent. While it would certainly be innovative for Microsoft to charge for the freely available service, the forward-thinking software company is not content to stop there. They plan to ask customers to pay for these features every year.

Carnyville : You wake at 3am to find a carnival has moved in next door. Find a way to get them to move on before your property value plummets! This point-and-click adventure blew up my bandwidth last month so please be gentle.

Swinger: a weird arcade style game where you swing from dot to dot- like Clockwerkz w/ physics.

Figure Five Frenzy: My favorite math geek game. Play others online to prove yourself nerdy.

Sudoku Shuffle: A sudoku puzzler where you race the clock and other players in real time.

more...

Carnyville : You wake at 3am to find a carnival has moved in next door. Find a way to get them to move on before your property value plummets! This point-and-click adventure blew up my bandwidth last month so please be gentle.

Swinger: a weird arcade style game where you swing from dot to dot- like Clockwerkz w/ physics.

Figure Five Frenzy: My favorite math geek game. Play others online to prove yourself nerdy.

Sudoku Shuffle: A sudoku puzzler where you race the clock and other players in real time.

more...

Carnyville : You wake at 3am to find a carnival has moved in next door. Find a way to get them to move on before your property value plummets! This point-and-click adventure blew up my bandwidth last month so please be gentle.

Swinger: a weird arcade style game where you swing from dot to dot- like Clockwerkz w/ physics.

Figure Five Frenzy: My favorite math geek game. Play others online to prove yourself nerdy.

Sudoku Shuffle: A sudoku puzzler where you race the clock and other players in real time.

more...

Carnyville : You wake at 3am to find a carnival has moved in next door. Find a way to get them to move on before your property value plummets! This point-and-click adventure blew up my bandwidth last month so please be gentle.

Swinger: a weird arcade style game where you swing from dot to dot- like Clockwerkz w/ physics.

Figure Five Frenzy: My favorite math geek game. Play others online to prove yourself nerdy.

Sudoku Shuffle: A sudoku puzzler where you race the clock and other players in real time.

more...

Carnyville : You wake at 3am to find a carnival has moved in next door. Find a way to get them to move on before your property value plummets! This point-and-click adventure blew up my bandwidth last month so please be gentle.

Swinger: a weird arcade style game where you swing from dot to dot- like Clockwerkz w/ physics.

Figure Five Frenzy: My favorite math geek game. Play others online to prove yourself nerdy.

Sudoku Shuffle: A sudoku puzzler where you race the clock and other players in real time.

more...

some people just want another solution because they're sick of the vector/bitmap graphics

Unfortunately, the heartsick CEO shows no sign of moving on or adhering to the strict restraining order issued earlier this week. According to eyewitnesses, Ballmer showed up at Google's headquarters on Monday afternoon with a bundle of wilted flowers in one hand and an open bottle of an unidentified intoxicant in the other.

For the poor intern who discovered the Microsoft CEO peering through windows and shouting up at the third floor offices for Lee, it must have been both thrilling and stultifyingly creepy. Thankfully, security cameras captured the whole thing:

Ballmer: I'm here to see Kai-Fu Lee.

Intern: Mr. Lee left for the day, sir.

Ballmer: Come on, I know he's here. Just let me talk to him. I just want to make things right.

Intern: He's unavailable at the moment. I can take a message, though. What'd you want me to ask him?

Ballmer: Ask him this: When did you stop loving me?

Intern: Mr. Ballmer, you're drunk.

Ballmer: OK, I'm not going home alone. [addressing the gathering crowd of Google employees] Who wants to work at Microsoft? I can double your salary.

Intern: Um, can you pay me in Google stock?

Ballmer: I'm leaving now. [passes out]

Friends say Ballmer's position at the top of the world's largest and most established technology company has left him feeling isolated, defensive and perhaps more than a little jealous at being beaten again and again by younger, more agile rivals.

"Microsoft is not a young company, and I recognize that," said Ballmer in a late night voice mail to Lee's new office. "I want you to know that Microsoft can still do those things you like, those special business maneuvers. Eric doesn't know you like I do. Sure, Google looks sexy with its flexibility and high profile innovations, but before long you'll get bored with that, too, and want to move to the next large-cap tech company, and then what will you be? A whore! Oh, God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that- well, I did, but not that way. I love you. [click]"

There are still innovative games like Katamari Damashi coming out, but I'm beginning to see web-based games (yes, Flash is severely limited in some ways) as analogous to indie cinema, cheap to make and free to play so there's less risk- and in some cases the production value is really good.

Sure, the web is full of SameGame & Lights Out variations just like the indie film scene is choked with copycats & also-rans, but there are new ideas out there, too.

I think we all loved the Red Room puzzles & the strange one with the mossy planet.

This one just came out yesterday: Carnyville- very weird.

CRAWFORD, TEXAS- For decades the United States has been lagging behind other countries when it comes to education, particularly in the sciences. Mainly this has been blamed on a lack of funding and national attention, but some pedagogical experts like President George W. Bush feel that other factors might be at work. For example, the President says that biology textbooks are horribly out of date, based on the 19th century writings of a man who wasn't even an American citizen.

If the US is to remain competitive in the world market, its young people are going to need an updated understanding of the world around them. To this end, the President today proposed a federal funding mechanism to encourage local schools to replace the antiquated notions of evolution and cosmology with the a origination theory making waves in Internet-based think tanks all over Middle America: Intelligent Design.

Exactly

Is Grand Inquisitor Gonzales going to torture these suspects personally? Or will he "render" them to one of our "allies"?

"You people don't know what it's like," said Jobs told the mainstream press. "Being different from everybody else, being the oddball, is no picnic." Jobs went on to describe in detail the petty acts of torture and revenge inflicted upon himself and his staff: Apple Stores defaced with binary graffiti, the wedgies in the bathroom at last year's CES convention, the hateful slam book hosted on a backwater page of Microsoft's website. No wonder the sensitive computer company decided to join the rest of the world.

"It's been a good run with PowerPC," said Jobs. "We tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't really matter."

For years, he said the pressure to conform had been the greatest incentive to do just the opposite, but with age has come a certain level of wisdom for the computer executive who advises his company to "grow up and get practical."

The CEO's inspirational words have already had a direct impact on Apple's legions of loyal fans. Mark Patsy, a 20-year-old art student from Rhode Island removed his piercings and enrolled in accounting courses at his local community college after hearing Jobs' keynote address.

"Steve helped me realize that I'm not really Vlad, Prince of Melancholy," he said. "I want a nice house, a wife and kids just like anybody else. There's a tax consultant in me struggling to get out. Thanks to Steve, I'm able to live as I really am."

Far beyond embracing ubiquity, users have plenty of reasons to be excited about the change. After all these years of deriding Intel's architecture, they finally have the chance to argue over why CISC is better than RISC after all. Also, in the middle of all this change users will be able to enjoy the same performance level to which they've grown used accustomed. While the last chip change meant an enormous speed boost, the move to Intel represents an opportunity to buy a whole new computer that runs just as fast, or perhaps a little slower, than their current setup.

"Just imagine," mused one Apple fanatic after the press event, "a Mac with 'Intel Inside(TM)' booting into WindowsXP, running Office and sporting a bigass Apple logo on the side. I'm going to MSPaint like the wind."

Even more than the company's customer base, the biggest winner in all of this would have to be the developers, as evidenced by this transcript from Monday's announcement:

Apple: OK, I know you guys could have abandoned us years ago and sunk the Mac ship. God knows we never gave you much to work with, OS7-9 stuck in stasis for seven years, next to no install base for your products, etc.

Developers: Yay. Huzzah for us.

Apple: Well, we're on the brink of an exciting new era, an era in which we require you to create a whole new code base to support a cost-based chip switch.

Developers: Hurray.

Apple: Not only that, you'll have the insanely great opportunity to maintain two code bases to support both chips.

Developers: ...

Apple: Not only does it mean more work for you guys, it means lower costs and higher margins for us.

Developers: Um, OK.

Apple fans still clinging to non-conformity need not despair over the ch

Oh, God. Have you seen this one?
The evolution/creationism debate has gone to the next level in a small Pennsylvania town

Summary for the link deprived: Parents are furious with a math teacher for refusing to present Biblical cubit-based mathematics alongside higher math concepts, and not allowing children with strong faith objections to opt out of certain classes. They also want textbooks to carry warning stickers: Calculus is just a theory and not mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

Apple released iTunes for Windows to prevent an anti-trust suit?

Earnest in his desire to create a believable, honest, and confident email worm, Vallor spent the better part of a year researching the lives of Spanish explorers, history of potted meat, and geography of coastal Maine. After thoroughly outlining the project and writing a few initial lines, he suddenly lost his muse and shelved the project until his nerve returned. He then sequestered himself in his tiny apartment for more than a month, writing draft after draft until his viral manuscript was ready for compilation and distribution.

Like all good, passionate writing, Gokar is largely autobiographical. Vallor used various characters, the registry key for instance, from his real life:

[HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINESoftwareMicrosoftWindowsCurre ntVersionRun] "Karen" = "karen.exe"

So, which is it?
Does it remove spyware or anti-spyware?

???

Oh, crap.

Anyway, here's Eric the Power-Mad Dongeon Master,
a z-code game that follows a night of D&D gone awry.

There are a few bugs, I guess, but folks say it's fun to play.

Check out Eric, The Power-Mad DM a text adventure about playing home-rules D&D back in 1981 with that know-it-all kid with all the Gygax books but no actual knowledge of the game. It's got a combat engine and an unreliable narrator.

It's based on ">N You Can't Go That Way"

Check out Eric, The Power-Mad DM a text adventure about playing home-rules D&D back in 1981 with that know-it-all kid with all the Gygax books but no actual knowledge of the game. It's got a combat engine and an unreliable narrator.

It's based on ">N You Can't Go That Way"

Earlier this year, Apple Computer upset some in its base of true believers when it discontinued the company's popular G4 iMac with no plans to introduce a newer G5 edition. With pressure mounting, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the upcoming release of what he deemed a revolutionary new product in the Apple line: the new G4 iMac monitor, the iMon. The rest of the computer, says Jobs, should be ready by Q2 2005, Q1 2006 at the latest.

Attendees at this year's MacWorld Paris show were reportedly blown away by the bold rectangular design of the new monitor as well as the clarity of its "No Signal" warning box. "It is a very pretty computer," said OSX fan Rafael Dropier. "I am confident that once I have the computer that goes with it, I will be able to make pretty things as well."

The on-stage demo of the unit consisted of a dramatic curtain drop, a high-density fog machine, and a battery of retina-burning lasers. As the allergenic cloud subsided, consumers and members of the press stood in awe of the iMon's exquisite screen, blank and lifeless.

Jobs says that the actual iMac, whenever it does come out, will cost users an additional $1,200.

The apparent dirty trick played on his own customer base is really part of Jobs' plan to encourage uber-defensive Mac fans to lighten up. "How seriously can you take yourself in an on-line argument over clock-ticks and bus speeds when you have to admit that you paid $1,200 for an undersized LCD monitor that's only compatible with a CPU that won't be out for another year?" asked Jobs. "LOL, prank'd!"

In Paris, users have been frantic about the new machine. In spite of its blank face, hundreds of convention-goers have promised to surrender to the device once it finally manages to boot up.

Americans, on the other hand, have not been so open-minded about the new product. At the consumer level, focus groups uncovered a deep distrust of the iMon. "$1,200 for something so small?" asked a retired Sam's Club shopper. "I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound like a very good value to me."

Jobs and others wrote off the initial negativity as a lack of sophistication, but in surveys of technology workers, the new iMon fared no better. "Hey, is it gonna cost me another grand to get a proper two-button mouse?" complained one Chicago-based computer consultant. "I mean, how am I going to check properties? And somebody told me that you can't even load Service Pack 2 on it? Forget that noise."

In spite of the poor response stateside, Jobs continues to stretch his comparison that Apple is the Lexus of computers- if Lexus sold their products without an engine or tires, ran on almond extract, and was completely invisible to most other cars on the road.

Apple plans to launch a singularly obnoxious advertising campaign in the weeks leading up to the iMon's release. Even US sales flag, Jobs expressed hope that the new product would be popular on the global market, but perhaps not too popular. In keeping with a long-standing company tradition, Apple will lose $25 with each iMon they sell.

Here's an excerpt from a recent article on the debacle.

REDMOND, WA- Ever since the release of the long-delayed Service Pack 2 for Microsoft's Windows XP, users have noticed a few things missing from the popular OS. Rather than adding new features to Windows, angry customers say this new "upgrade" takes them away. Specifically, the new default configuration in SP2 inhibits the backdoor software that allowed users to access their personal data data, passwords, and credit card data from a remote computer.

"Just a few years ago, people paid through the nose for the convenience of remotely controlling their PC from home or office," explained long-time Windows user Guy Labelle. "I was thrilled to hear that XP shipped with this functionality built in, and it was a big reason I paid for the upgrade."

XP's original default installation included a popup engine, email generator, and a suite of "spyware" applications that allowed Microsoft technicians to run Scandisk and other maintenance utilities in the background, all of it now gone thanks to SP2.

"XP's WinBackdoor was so user-friendly, in fact, that I didn't have to do anything at all," said Labelle. "I'd just sit back and let other people control my PC for me."

DUBLIN, IRELAND- At an address to a scientific conference earlier this week, Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking reversed his long-held position about the inescapable nature of black holes. In conceding his bet to American colleague John Preskill, he declared that it now appears that these singularities do emit "mangled matter" over time and that their gravitational field is not sufficient to create traversable holes in the fabric of the universe.

In denying the existence of wormhole travel, Hawking single-handedly nullified 75% of all science fiction books and films created since he and his colleagues promoted the idea three decades ago. By the time news of the scientific u-turn spread to folks at this year's ConCon, sci fi fans were crying foul.

Around the time of the release of ROTK, an interesting news story popped up about researchers finding a manuscript for a fourth book in the trillogy under garden shed of his former home. I'm not sure, though, the text looks very similar to something one might see on fanfiction.net.

DENVER, COLORADO- After months of controversy and speculation, the University of Colorado has terminated the contract of Mathletics Director Len Nacci following a scathing report detailing the department's questionable recruiting practices. The report alleges that in the school's unswerving quest to defeat their cross-state rivals, the Fighting Frogs of Denver Polytechnic, coaches and administrators stepped over an ethical line, giving out graphing calculators to prospective students and staging all-night Magic the Gathering parties to lure gifted number-crunchers to the school. Late yesterday university officials dealt school morale another blow with news that much-loved coach Archie Meedees had also been let go.

University trustee John Nash urged colleagues to cease infighting and find a mutually beneficial solution. "Make no mistake that victory is important, especially when it comes to vanquishing the hated Frogs of D-Poly, but with individual glory as our only goal we can never succeed."

there's more

DENVER, COLORADO- After months of controversy and speculation, the University of Colorado has terminated the contract of Mathletics Director Len Nacci following a scathing report detailing the department's questionable recruiting practices. The report alleges that in the school's unswerving quest to defeat their cross-state rivals, the Fighting Frogs of Denver Polytechnic, coaches and administrators stepped over an ethical line, giving out graphing calculators to prospective students and staging all-night Magic the Gathering parties to lure gifted number-crunchers to the school. Late yesterday university officials dealt school morale another blow with news that much-loved coach Archie Meedees had also been let go.

University trustee John Nash urged colleagues to cease infighting and find a mutually beneficial solution. "Make no mistake that victory is important, especially when it comes to vanquishing the hated Frogs of D-Poly, but with individual glory as our only goal we can never succeed."

there's more

If they didn't have to risk $50 a pop on a new and innovative title they might not like. This is why genres are so important [and frustrating] in the publishing industry. Both the consumer and publisher want a known commodity. Grand Theft Tony Hawk Pro Simmer 12 will always get the greenlight quicker than something people haven't tried before.

I think that's why web-delivered games are getting to be a lot like the independent film scene. They cost much less to produce and distribute than console or PC-specific games so developers and designers can experiment more. Also, consumers expect more risks.

For example, in the console market people will buy up racing & football sequels where the only changes are new stats and color schemes. On the other hand, sites that offer only "look I made a clone of that other game but in FLASH" fare tend not to do well.

What if the leak was really an attempt to get the highly-skilled free software folks to fix Windows for free?

Windows Leaked to Open Source Community, Open Source Community Sends it Back

It could happen.

Three months ago I saw this parody article, and now it's come true. Some the quotes in it are now downright prescient:

Under Anti-Trust Pressure, Apple Releases iTunes for Windows

CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA- For years now, Apple Computer's iPod MP3 player has dominated the market. Since iTunes, the player's desktop file management tool, only ran on Macintoshes, users of the less popular Windows operating system were left out in the cold. In fact, recent market data indicates that iPod compatibility has prompted thousands of people to make the switch back to the more ubiquitous Apple platform.

Floundering software company Microsoft has spent the past year petitioning the FTC to step in and rectify the situation. "I think we can all agree that any company that controls both the software and the underlying architecture presents a serious threat to the future of the industry," said Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. "I hesitate to use the word 'monopoly', but it's pretty clear that this sort of thing stifles innovation."

"We can't be expected to support every operating system out there no matter how exotic," replied Apple CEO Steve Jobs. "I'm not even sure a significant number of people still run Windows. I'll have to check on that."

The comments did not sit well with users of Microsoft's boutique OS. At a recent MacWorld Rally in San Fransisco, Windows users protested inside the venue, brandishing signs depicting Jobs as Hitler. Apple users openly mocked them for the horribly pixelated MSPaint-generated images, but the protesters' presence had seriously disrupted the proceedings.

In spite of the dissension, Jobs remained composed. "Let me put it this way: there are companies that do things, make things, and then there are companies that hang around like vultures waiting to nibble away at something created by others. If they're so honked off about iTunes, why don't they make their own MP3 player?"

Actually, they have. Microsoft introduced their player at the Consumer Electronics Show in 2002 to luke warm reviews. In the end, experts say the product failed because it was incompatible with iTunes.

Three months ago the FTC came to Microsoft's rescue and mandated that Apple to support Windows. On Monday the PC version of iTunes hit the streets, but within hours Windows evangelists were up in arms about what they called "dirty tricks" hidden in the iPod's menus. When the user hot-syncs the iPod to a Windows-based system, the unit taunts the user with messages like:

• "Wow. Do people still write software for this thing?"
  
• "Still running Windows, eh. Feeling lonely?"
  
• "Oh, I'm sorry, you're going to need something called a 'com-pu-ter.'"
  

Project developers say the problems stem from the compressed development cycle imposed by the federal government. Version 2, a $300 upgrade, should be available as early as 2005.

The move marks the third time the FTC has acted against what they have termed Apple's "anti-competitive practices." Time and time again, the company has ignored warnings to clean up its act. Even as it complies with the iTunes order, the company has resolutely refused to port its Newton docking software or ClarisWorks to the competitor platform.

Apple has reportedly tried to buy Microsoft on several occasions, but the offer prices were so low that many insiders believe the episodes were just another Apple trick to further destroy morale at Microsoft.

"No one would deny that Apple is the industry giant, trampling on whatever it sees," Gates said bitterly. "We're just trying to make sure our users don't get stepped on."

From Jobs' perspective, the whole situation is about customer choice and quality software. "Face it, just like Betamax, Apple won the war," said Jobs. "I'm sure if the roles were reversed, Mr. Gates would have no problem with the current situation. On the other hand, if Microsoft had some hypothetical monopoly on the personal computing market, I just can't imagine that we would whine and cry about it like this."

According to record industry officials, sharing isn't just bad, it's terrorism.

Up until the August break, the RIAA and MPAA were lobbying Congress to bridge the DMCA and Patriot Act, giving the government to send song-swappers to Guantanamo Bay for indefinite periods of time without the aid of legal representation.

Attorney General John Ashcroft was reportedly shocked to learn of "illicit book-sharing parlors" located in nearly every city and town in the United States, many of them government sponsored. He has vowed to use the DMCA to shut them down.

According to record industry officials, sharing isn't just bad, it's terrorism.

Up until the August break, the RIAA and MPAA were lobbying Congress to bridge the DMCA and Patriot Act, giving the government to send song-swappers to Guantanamo Bay for indefinite periods of time without the aid of legal representation.

Attorney General John Ashcroft was reportedly shocked to learn of "illicit book-sharing parlors" located in nearly every city and town in the United States, many of them government sponsored. He has vowed to use the DMCA to shut them down.

According to record industry officials, sharing isn't just bad, it's terrorism.

Up until the August break, the RIAA and MPAA were lobbying Congress to bridge the DMCA and Patriot Act, giving the government to send song-swappers to Guantanamo Bay for indefinite periods of time without the aid of legal representation.

Attorney General John Ashcroft was reportedly shocked to learn of "illicit book-sharing parlors" located in nearly every city and town in the United States, many of them government sponsored. He has vowed to use the DMCA to shut them down.

LINDON, UTAH- Just weeks after asserting part ownership over the nominally open and free Linux source code, SCO Group sent another shockwave through the software community on Monday when they announced the discovery of a long-forgotten trademark for an amiable penguin mascot. The company's legal team happened to notice an uncanny visual similarity to another unix-based flightless waterfowl and reportedly grew so excited that they spat out several thousand cease and desist letters in a single afternoon.

Fortunately for Tux fans everywhere, SCO has generously agreed to license the character to current users at a very reasonable rate. Without a license, SCO lawyers say the trademark infringing penguin must be removed from all t-shirts, screen-savers, undergarments and fine linens before the end of July or face stiff penalties.

According to USPTO records dating back to the late 1870's, SCO has reportedly also patented a method for quantifying message board popularity. Upon hearing the news Slashdot reportedly linked to itself and subsequently exploded.