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LINDON, UTAH- Just weeks after asserting part ownership over the nominally open and free Linux source code, SCO Group sent another shockwave through the software community on Monday when they announced the discovery of a long-forgotten trademark for an amiable penguin mascot. The company's legal team happened to notice an uncanny visual similarity to another unix-based flightless waterfowl and reportedly grew so excited that they spat out several thousand cease and desist letters in a single afternoon.

Fortunately for Tux fans everywhere, SCO has generously agreed to license the character to current users at a very reasonable rate. Without a license, SCO lawyers say the trademark infringing penguin must be removed from all t-shirts, screen-savers, undergarments and fine linens before the end of July or face stiff penalties.

LINDON, UTAH- Just weeks after asserting part ownership over the nominally open and free Linux source code, SCO Group sent another shockwave through the software community on Monday when they announced the discovery of a long-forgotten trademark for an amiable penguin mascot. The company's legal team happened to notice an uncanny visual similarity to another unix-based flightless waterfowl and reportedly grew so excited that they spat out several thousand cease and desist letters in a single afternoon.

Fortunately for Tux fans everywhere, SCO has generously agreed to license the character to current users at a very reasonable rate. Without a license, SCO lawyers say the trademark infringing penguin must be removed from all t-shirts, screen-savers, undergarments and fine linens before the end of July or face stiff penalties.

After seeing the test results, NASA Director Sean O'Keefe declared the case closed and the space agency exonerated of all blame in last February's tragedy that took the lives of 7 astronauts. "We have a saying around here now," O'Keefe told reporters, "crappy engineering and institutional arrogance don't kill people, errant bits of foam kill people."

Happily, O'Keefe announced that the changes mandated by the investigation won't affect the current launch schedule. The Shuttle crew slated to take Atlantis into orbit this fall without escape pods or repair gear has not yet been briefed on the situation.

After seeing the test results, NASA Director Sean O'Keefe declared the case closed and the space agency exonerated of all blame in last February's tragedy that took the lives of 7 astronauts. "We have a saying around here now," O'Keefe told reporters, "crappy engineering and institutional arrogance don't kill people, errant bits of foam kill people."

Happily, O'Keefe announced that the changes mandated by the investigation won't affect the current launch schedule. The Shuttle crew slated to take Atlantis into orbit this fall without escape pods or repair gear has not yet been briefed on the situation.

some of the funniest and most fun stuff I've played recently have been hacks of old SNES ROMS or flash ditties that take modern gaming sensibilities and apply them to arcade classics.

This BREAKOUT clone is pretty funny. It's got a shot clock so if the game goes too slowly, weird things start happening.

I know a guy working on something he calls "Grand Theft Wagon: Oregon Trail" complete with squirrel killing side missions.

Sure, not all the facts are right, but that never held back Fox News or The New York Times. Enjoy.

Taken shamelessly from http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?id=82 6

LINDON, UTAH- In a webcast on Tuesday, representatives from SCO Group [aka Caldera Systems] expressed sincere thanks to the tireless core of Linux developers who have, for more than a decade, so generously donated their efforts to advance the usefulness of their intellectual property.

"Guys, we can't say enough how much we really appreciate how much you've done with our patented product," said CEO Darl McBride. "You've really taken our little server OS to the next level. Thanks guys, really. You'll all be getting 'letters of appreciation' very soon."

Sure enough, a few days later several thousand hard core Linux developers and users opened their snail mail to find official-looking invitations to a party at a California Federal courthouse.

"8:30am - ?" read the invite. The "?," explained McBride, stands for crazy fun.

As the current owners of the original Bell Labs Unix code and trademarks, SCO ceased Unix development years ago in favor of a more efficient business model: full-time litigation.

"When we gave up on it, Linux was just a third-rate toy server with no applications or commercial services. Look at it today: professional grade server software and a quickly maturing desktop environment, a real crown jewel in our IP stable. We really have to take our red hats off to those guys. Get it? Red Hat. Ell Oh Ell."

Slashdot was all a' buzz on Tuesday with speculation about what specifically SCO would do to thank them. A few hours later, though, a leaked memo resolved the issue. The company plans to say thanks by giving the Linux community an opportunity to pay huge royalties and, in some cases, give up rights to their work.

"Linux users, our users, are just about the most gracious people on the planet," said McBride. "We can't help but love them."

On Monday Microsoft decided to license the Unix name and technology from SCO, not because they actually needed it but, as CEO Steve Ballmer put it, "mostly as a corporate high-five for a job well done."

Linux developers were naturally surprised to hear that portions of the supposedly open [free as in speech, free as in beer] operating system actually belong to someone. As it turns out, when bits of SCO's OpenServer Shared Libraries somehow ended up in the kernel source code, Linux became the property of SCO/Caldera.

SCO executives say there is no reason to worry, though. "Open" Source software is in no danger.

Some were confused by the statement, arguing that the quotes around the word "Open" had not always been there. SCO's legal team, however, insists that they have.

In a related story, McBride recently settled a land dispute with the owner of his former home. After abandoning the place in the early 1990's he reportedly moved back in last month while the current owner was on vacation. Happily for McBride, the two bedroom ranch was now a three bedroom split-level with a pool.

"I simply love what you've done to the place," McBride said through his attorney. "Now get the hell out."

Over the next few months, SCO/Caldera plan to collaborate with other organizations like the RIAA and the Girl Scouts to create new and innovative licensing schemes. Look for details on FreshMeat very soon.

In the meantime, Linux users are lining up to buy back software they helped develop.

"It kinda sucks that Linux is proprietary now," wrote Slashdot poster AnonymousCoward. "But I'm glad they appreciate all our hard work. They seem like really nice guys." (Score: -1 Insightful)

Some Linux fans have expressed interest in switching to BSD or another free Unix derivative. Others, however may opt to dump their decade-long dot matrix printer emulation project in favor of more time spent in a place developers like to call "outside" conversing with strange, fleshy avatars known as "people."

No longer interested in stealing cars, busting caps, and clocking hos, players mount ponies and ride down rainbow-colored avenues sharing home-baked cookies and cakes with other characters.

Don't be fooled. This new version of GTA is by no means the "cake walk" it appears to be. The ponies must be meticulously groomed, and mastering the optional baking set is horrendously difficult.

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA- As experts began piecing together the final moments of the Space Shuttle Columbia earlier this week, much attention focused on NASA footage showing a loose piece from one of the solid rocket boosters hitting the shuttle just after launch. As the theory began to sink in, many began to question why NASA did not have the crew check out the problem and attempt to fix it, a childishly simple idea that might have saved seven lives and billions of dollars. On Thursday, however, NASA officials announced that, in spite of the fact that investigators still know very little about what happened leading up to the disaster, the large chunk of insulation that slammed into the underside of Columbia at 1,500 mph was in no way connected with the shuttle's later disintegration.

"It have could been anything," explained Shuttle program manager Ron Dittemore. "We're investigating hundreds of possible scenarios. There is one thing we're pretty sure of, though: whatever caused the Space Shuttle Columbia to break up on reentry was definitely not something we at NASA could have prevented or the result of anything we did wrong in any way."

NASA investigators now say they are focusing on the shuttle's automatic control systems. If they had been under stress during the time of reentry [because they had been smashed with loosely-assembled bits of solid rocket booster, for example], they could have prevented the pilot from angling the shuttle properly.

The investigative team is currently pouring through piles of evidence and checking out hundreds of theories. But instead of winnowing down the list of possibilities, the group is working to expand it as much as possible, only throwing out ideas that include words like "negligence," "human error," or "incompetence."

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA- As experts began piecing together the final moments of the Space Shuttle Columbia earlier this week, much attention focused on NASA footage showing a loose piece from one of the solid rocket boosters hitting the shuttle just after launch. As the theory began to sink in, many began to question why NASA did not have the crew check out the problem and attempt to fix it, a childishly simple idea that might have saved seven lives and billions of dollars. On Thursday, however, NASA officials announced that, in spite of the fact that investigators still know very little about what happened leading up to the disaster, the large chunk of insulation that slammed into the underside of Columbia at 1,500 mph was in no way connected with the shuttle's later disintegration.

"It have could been anything," explained Shuttle program manager Ron Dittemore. "We're investigating hundreds of possible scenarios. There is one thing we're pretty sure of, though: whatever caused the Space Shuttle Columbia to break up on reentry was definitely not something we at NASA could have prevented or the result of anything we did wrong in any way."

NASA investigators now say they are focusing on the shuttle's automatic control systems. If they had been under stress during the time of reentry [because they had been smashed with loosely-assembled bits of solid rocket booster, for example], they could have prevented the pilot from angling the shuttle properly.

The investigative team is currently pouring through piles of evidence and checking out hundreds of theories. But instead of winnowing down the list of possibilities, the group is working to expand it as much as possible, only throwing out ideas that include words like "negligence," "human error," or "incompetence."

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/index.php?display=200 30128

It's hardly surprising that they encountered market confusion considering how many people will always associate .net their internet provider's domain name.

An even greater cause for brand confusion is the .wet initiative introduced at last year's Comdex show (which happened to coincide with a Vegas-area porn industry convention).

My favorite year-in-review so far is the one put up by news parody site Ridiculopathy-Dot-Com.

Blah blah blah, they're not The Onion. Blah Blah blah, mentioned in the Wall Street Journal. Blah blah blah, shut up and read it.

Well Stephen Wolfram is a crack. Have you read his book.

You are standing at the end of the roadway. In front of you (to the north) is a large castle with a moat of green lava. A large hairy monster stands next to the castle, ready to attack. "RAARRr! I am a horrible MONSTAR!" he says, poking himself with a stick.

> N

You can't go that way.

> North

That North? Oh. But you don't really want to go that way.

> Go castle

Sure. But then the monster is going to kill you, and you probably didn't save yet.

> Save

You can't do that here.

> Inventory

You are carrying: - 1 radiator from a 1962 Ford Mustang - 1 plastic bag marked "eye of newt" containing a substance we can presume is ground up newt eyes. - 2 pairs of swim trunks

> attack monster

With what? Your swim trunks?

> attack monster with trunks

Somehow that worked. He appears to be dead.

> N

Now you did it. The horrible monster (who wasn't dead after all) has grabbed you and popped your head off your spine like a champaigne cork.

You have died.

END.

You can also play old text games like Pirate Adventure online (in Javascript) here.

You are standing at the end of the roadway. In front of you (to the north) is a large castle with a moat of green lava. A large hairy monster stands next to the castle, ready to attack. "RAARRr! I am a horrible MONSTAR!" he says, poking himself with a stick.

> N

You can't go that way.

> North

That North? Oh. But you don't really want to go that way.

> Go castle

Sure. But then the monster is going to kill you, and you probably didn't save yet.

> Save

You can't do that here.

> Inventory

You are carrying: - 1 radiator from a 1962 Ford Mustang - 1 plastic bag marked "eye of newt" containing a substance we can presume is ground up newt eyes. - 2 pairs of swim trunks

> attack monster

With what? Your swim trunks?

> attack monster with trunks

Somehow that worked. He appears to be dead.

> N

Now you did it. The horrible monster (who wasn't dead after all) has grabbed you and popped your head off your spine like a champaigne cork.

You have died.

END.

You can also play old text games like Pirate Adventure online (in Javascript) here.

You are standing at the end of the roadway. In front of you (to the north) is a large castle with a moat of green lava. A large hairy monster stands next to the castle, ready to attack. "RAARRr! I am a horrible MONSTAR!" he says, poking himself with a stick.

> N

You can't go that way.

> North

That North? Oh. But you don't really want to go that way.

> Go castle

Sure. But then the monster is going to kill you, and you probably didn't save yet.

> Save

You can't do that here.

> Inventory

You are carrying: - 1 radiator from a 1962 Ford Mustang - 1 plastic bag marked "eye of newt" containing a substance we can presume is ground up newt eyes. - 2 pairs of swim trunks

> attack monster

With what? Your swim trunks?

> attack monster with trunks

Somehow that worked. He appears to be dead.

> N

Now you did it. The horrible monster (who wasn't dead after all) has grabbed you and popped your head off your spine like a champaigne cork.

You have died.

END.

You can also play old text games like Pirate Adventure online (in Javascript) here.

Physicians were shocked to discover that, due to its advanced age and weight, the monument belongs to the highest risk categories for a number of diseases.

Through an interpreter, Giza told reporters that he decided to go ahead with the procedure in order to set an example for others. Wonders of the World, it seems, are notorious for taking terrible care ofthemselves. They never bathe, take no exercise, and avoid medical care at all costs. Stonehenge, for example, hasn't seen a Chiropractor in half a millennia.

Originally bound for PBS or The Learning Channel, the project eventually landed on the network best known for routinely airing rectal contents: Fox Television.

This model seems to be based on the Ford Hindenberg announced earlier this year.

Dr. Nuelhammer is ready for his closeup.

I remember the The Onion's Bob Seigel saying that Irony was dead, a bit premature I think. When they came back, their 9/11 coverage was excellent.

Ridiculopathy.com's 9/11 year in review also seems worth the read. Some of the stuff, quite dated by subsequent events, reads like a time capsule of topical humor immediately following that horrible day.

I didn't want to reveal this just yet, but I just learned that the American economy is ... an elaborate hoax.

Headlines yesterday showed that Microsoft's porifits have grown close to 10% in this weakening PC/IT market. Hmmm...how could that be? The Padisha Emperor himself conducted an investigation and found no wrongdoing on the part of Baron Gates and House Microsoft.

Much to the delight of House Microsoft's board of directors, the Baron unleashed Steve "The Beast" Ballmer to extract as much as he can from their corporate customers in the form of "upgrade plans" and other rackets.

Some talk of a vast hidden population of Lemen, yet official sources dismiss the rumors.

RUSSELL, KANSAS- On Wednesday, 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the current form of the Pledge of Allegiance, with its "one nation under God" line, blurs the separation of church and state and is therefore Unconstitutional. According to authorities, this event lead radio talk show host John McJay to literally explode while on the air during his afternoon drive shift on KQWE 1280AM.

During the one o'clock hour, McJay ranted about the current situation in Israel and the West Bank. Later on, more news about the Worldcom debacle became more proof that "the world is going to hell, if it isn't there already." By the time news of the ruling broke, it was too late. McJay's faithful audience listened impotently as their host gasped for breath.

"9/11 ... Enron...Steroids in Baseball ... Tag outlawed ... Worldcom ... [explosive sound*]"

* While the exact sound of McJay's incendiary demise is a matter of debate among his fans, most described it as a something like a "wet thud."

McJay is survived by two ex-wives, three ex-children, half a dozen ex-program-directors, and several thousand avid fans.

In truth, the court decision is pretty much meaningless since it will not go into effect until it survives several rounds of appeals and the Supreme Court has already made it clear that it doesn't see a problem with the current Pledge. Of course, that wasn't enough to save poor John McJay.

Immediately after the ruling, several dozen members of Congress assembled on the Capital steps to denounce the decision. After the camera crews had settled into position, they loudly recited the unconstitutional Pledge, sang the national anthem, and beat their breasts until finally soiling their boxers with red, white, and blue ejaculate.

"It's a terrible kind of cynicism that would accuse us of grandstanding today," said Representative J.D. Hayworth of Arizona as he wrapped a replica of the 9/11 flag around his ample bosom. "While it may be true that we're all up for reelection this fall and this may seem like a softball issue, we're taking a taxpayer-funded break to pose for photos and issue soundbites for you, the American people. Oh, I almost forgot to mention 9/11. 9/11, everybody!"

After his court victory, renowned atheist Michael A. Newdow told reporters that the ruling was "a step forward for civil liberties in America."

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch admitted that the situation caught him off guard. "Civil liberties? I thought we got rid of that crap when we passed the Patriot Act."

Senator Fred Thompson of Tennessee reminded his constituents that Constitutional rights work both ways. "Freedom of religion gives me the right to force my faith on anyone I choose, so long as my faith is popular enough to lend weight to my point of view."

If the words "under god" feel tacked on, that's because they were, in 1954 to be exact. A proposal to replace the offending line with "One nation under C'Thulhu" has been rejected.

Already citizens groups and civil libertarians are sitting down at the negotiating table in an attempt to work out a new compromise edition of the Pledge:

"I pledge my tentative support

to the woven nationalistic symbol

of the United States of America.

One nation, made up of diverse but equally valid groups

under some sort of Supreme Being- or not, depending on your particular view

with liberty and justice for most.

I also preemptively apologize if this offended anyone.

we've heard this before... when Lars needed an explanation why fewer people wanted to buy his band's VH-1-friendly record.

I wonder how he would excuse the poor sales of 18 without p2p.

Could it be that songs featuring his own nasally voice don't do as well? Could it also be that such a sombre record is not going to sell well in the summer? **Could it be that mediocre records sell poorly in an environment when every new CD can be sampled online?**

This onion-like story may have been prescient:

Anti-Virus Software Pop-Up Reminders Behave Much Like Virus

To prove that imitation is indeed the sincerest form of blatant copyright violation, Lucas premiered his "film" at this week's Orange County Star Wars convention. Lucas' mother, in whose basement he has lived for the last twelve years, is reportedly proud of her son's accomplishment. However, she also felt the love story between Padmé and Anakin was forced and poorly written.

Like most fan-generated "films," George's project was not a film at all. Lucas admits that he shot everything on digital video, about one quarter the image density of standard 35mm film. While he maintains that the choice was an artistic one, the issue of cost is undeniable.

During the screening, many patrons complained of the blurry look of the film print. A defensive Lucas reminded them that it looked much better on his computer monitor.

"If you look at color retention and light response, it would have looked much better on film," offered local film buff Wes Antilles. "I would have let him borrow my Super16 camera. He's too proud to ask, I guess."

The film suffers other ills common to fan films. Even the B-movie title, Attack of the Clones, is a dead giveaway of its amateur origin.

While some critics say that story elements take a back seat to flashy special effects, it would be difficult to argue that Lucas underwrote the film. The first two thirds of the film consist of nothing but mouths moving, gums flapping.

"I've seen this kind of thing ruin otherwise promising films," says UCLA film professor Leonard Calrissian. "Independent films often turn out too 'talky' because amateur directors are often too in love with their script to cut unnecessary or forced dialogue."

The most common complaint so far is that the film is not very much fun to watch. One walks away from Attack of the Clones wondering for whom it was made. Like most independent/amateur cinema, it is likely that the movie exists mostly for its own sake.

"I've got lots of other friends who do this kind of thing," said one local independent filmmaker. "Every time I run into them, they demand that I watch their latest project. It's getting to the point where I'm avoiding people. I haven't talked to George for over a year."

Unable to pay real actors and having run out of available friends, Lucas had to create many of the characters digitally. In spite of their obvious unreality, these digimuppets do a great deal to mask the awful acting and terrible direction common to such efforts.

There is no word yet whether the owners of the Star Wars trademark and franchise will do with Mr. Lucas. Clearly Attack of the Clones violates more than a dozen heavily-guarded copyrights while creating unsanctioned and [according to some] inconsistent backstory for established Star Wars characters.

In spite of its problems, most audience members agreed that Attack of the Clones was one of the best five fan films they had seen this year. Some even went so far as to compare it with the much-loved The Lego Strikes Back from 1996. Not bad for a first effort.

Inspired by the slightly-warmer-than-luke response to Attack of the Clones, Lucas announced plans to begin work on a sequel- as soon as he can come up with a better title.

[from ridiculopathy.com]

A study out today by the American Center for Media Research raises allegations that blockbuster filmmaker George Lucas has embedded pedophilic themes in his work. Center director and study author Dr. Phillip Mipokitz says that the viewing public should watch these films knowing in advance that subliminal themes of man-boy love will be played out.

Dr. Mipokitz wanted to stress that neither he nor his organization condemn Mr. Lucas for his alleged beliefs or alleged feelings. They would just like him to be more open about it, something akin to truth in advertising.

The study, originally intended to survey a wide variety of films from the last three decades, eventually focuses solely on the work of George Lucas, specifically his Star Wars series.

Mipokitz recently unveiled a warning label that he feels should accompany each Star Wars film. "WARNING: This film contains underlying themes of underage homosexual sex- not that we're judging or anything. We just wanted you to know." Dr. Mipokitz says that he believes the warning label arms parents with information without causing a scare, a good compromise.

The original 1977 Star Wars film established many of the homoerotic traditions Lucas would take with him for decades. A pair of walking vibrators seek out a young boy with no chest hair. Two old men fight over the young boy with swords that suddenly grow then glow. The boy joins the rebellion and flies an uncircumcised spacecraft for them.

The trench battle at the end of Star Wars: A new Hope was of particular concern. "Everything happens back to front," said Dr. Mipokitz. "Did you ever notice that? No two ships shoot at each other face to face. They are always so intent on shoving a laser blast up someone else's backside."

"And then there's the point where Darth Vader has Luke in his sights. 'The boy is mine,' he says. Lucas could have written any number of clever catch phrases for that moment. But 'the boy is mine' is what he chose. How gay is that? I mean, I'm not trying to paint the man as a pervert or anything."

At the end of the trench sequence, Mipokitz notes that Luke makes a rather telling gesture as he "shoots his wad" into the Death Star's tiny orifice. "He lets out a long-held breath- very masturbatory," says Mipokitz.

• Thunderballs
  
• Decapussy
  
• Her Majesty's Shag-o-licious Secret
  
• Dr. Yes Yes Oh, God Yes!
  
• From Russia With Scabies
  

The theatrical trailer for the film certainly indicates that the new film will find a way to break new creative ground. The 2-minute short appears to be a parody of the original 1997 film.

We spoke with director Jay Roach. "It's a copy of the dance sequence from the first movie, but with all small actors. Get it? It's a mini Austin! The wig, the teeth, even a tiny sports car. Ha. Little people are funny."

Full Story

Agnst over the show's direction, the carrot-and-stick approach to the Mulder/Scully relationship, and the exodus of the show's better writers has been building up for years.

If it weren't for the failure of Milennium, Harsh Realm & TLG, the show would have gone off with a satisfying bang years ago. Sad, really.

Further reading:
Chris Carter Plots Series Finale- On The Toilet

X-Files: "We're going to dish out answers this time, we swear!"

Agnst over the show's direction, the carrot-and-stick approach to the Mulder/Scully relationship, and the exodus of the show's better writers has been building up for years.

If it weren't for the failure of Milennium, Harsh Realm & TLG, the show would have gone off with a satisfying bang years ago. Sad, really.

Further reading:
Chris Carter Plots Series Finale- On The Toilet

X-Files: "We're going to dish out answers this time, we swear!"

Submitted for your approval, an Onion-like story on the subject:
Honey I Melted The iMac

The picture of the iMac with a lamp shade on it is worth the click.

Just like the rum-soaked father figure who says "this time it's going to be
different" every time he blows the family savings and crashes the car, Apple has
issued a statement that this is, indeed, going to be different. Instead of stuffing
the relatively slow iMac guts in a new candy-colored shell, Apple has stuffed their
relatively slow iMac guts into a candy-SHAPED shell, specifically a Hershey's Kiss.

full story: Honey I Melted The iMac

It's a link to another parody/satire year-in-review thingy:

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20011231&id=480

Enjoy.

One thing we can say for sure, 2001 has proven that a lot of technologies we all believed were slam dunks only a year ago are looking less and less like sure things.

ABC's Monday Night Football suspended HDTV broadcasts indefinitely. DSL companies are dropping like flies. And now cable broadband is starting to waver.

Perhaps my belief in technological manifest destiny was unwarranted. Anybody want an HD monitor cheap?

Fake News Story: Welcome Back To 56k

Average Slobs Get Chance At Space

"Rocket Scientist" no longer conotes incredible intelligence

Average Slobs Get Chance At Space

"Rocket Scientist" no longer conotes incredible intelligence

[wavy dream sequence effect]

Spam floods Chinese in-boxes: "A no-money-down real estate opportunity for YOU, comrade!" "Refinance your hut today!" and "OMG! ULL CUM! HOT PROLETARIAN AXXXION!"

American Internet porn companies begin to target this new market, making downloadable titles featuring the likeness of Chairman Mao Tse "Swollen" Tung.

There is no escape.

A few humbly-submitted links for supplementary reading:

Harry Potter Premieres, Becomes Soul-Sucking Eddy of Ubiquity

"Hairy Potter" Adult Film Franchise Already on 7th Sequel

There is no escape.

A few humbly-submitted links for supplementary reading:

Harry Potter Premieres, Becomes Soul-Sucking Eddy of Ubiquity

"Hairy Potter" Adult Film Franchise Already on 7th Sequel

Mac games tend to come out 6 to 12 after the PC version [with as many bugs as the 1.0 PC release]. How long ago did Rune come out for PC? It looks like Linux developers are taking a page from the Mac game development playbook (porting PC games after they have proven their worth [and become passe] ).

The drawn-out death of Loki is a great example. How far can you get asking people to buy a game they probably already own on a different platoform? And a domographic that isn't used to paying for software, either?

I built one some time back to run the database-driven Scott Adams text adventures using only Javascript and PHP- since even the best Java tended to break my browser.

It works well on older versions of Netscape as well as IE 5. Opera users have reported some trouble.

Here's the link:
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/adv_sa.php

Funny. My ancient Netscape for Irix works just fine. I believed this story completely for a time because I had no real interest in msn.com. I'm sure they're locking out some browsers, but why not all?

[kidding]
Hey, this is just a trick to get us to try it- and thereby up their hitcount!
[/kidding]

Windows X-Con is ready for you!

Ah, Windows. Be it a backdoor in Outlook or a macro in Office, virus writers cannot get enough of Windows.

Idea: Purchase a brand new computer to support a buggy OS so that you can run all those fancy new viruses.

[true story]
I know of a guy who updated his ActiveX in order to view an attachment that later turned out to be a particularly nasty virus.
[/true story]

Dangerous New Virus Called "WindowsXP" Poised To Cripple Users
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20010827

"No One's Gonna Break Us Up! On one!"
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20010907

We say the media manipulates the news to create panic- and this is probably true. However, since people consume news faster than it can actually happen, reporters have to find new ways to re-hash old stories, making old bad news look like fresh bad news.

[Many people were convinced the world was coming to an end before 9/11 and now believe it already has.]

In light of the Anthrax situation, news organizations are already predicting the next big terror wave.

What's next? Cooties?
http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20011024

To further spread the word about SSSCA, RIAA representatives have begun traveling from high school to grade school speaking on the evils of file sharing. After a recent speech at St. Bernard's Grade School in Peoria, Illinois, RIAA lawyer Russel Frackman found himself challenged by one of the students:

Eight-year old Zack Beasley tapped on Frackman's leg until he had gained his full attention. "I'm learning to share," he said. "I don't like to share. But they say have to learn how."

"That's nice," said Frackman dismissively.

"But you said sharing is bad."

Seeing the encounter as an opportunity to reinforce the points of his speech, Frackman leaned down to explain the RIAA position on the issue. "Sharing what is yours is okay. Sharing what is mine is not. That's stealing."

"Stealing? I don't get it. You don't want to share?"

"It's not that. I just shouldn't be forced to share if I don't want to."

Beasley shuffled over to his teacher, tugging on her skirt.

"The guy in the suit says I don't have to share if I don't want to," he said. She explained that it didn't matter. Zack was going to have to learn to share, no matter what the man said.

"She says you have to learn to share, too," said the boy.

Since the first suspicious case of anthrax emerged in Florida a few weeks ago, people have been afraid to open their mail. Scouring the 24-hour news outlets for fresh anthrax exposures, citizens endeavor to defend themselves against the disease by scaring themselves half to death.

And more chilling news comes today: Computer science researchers at Carnegie Mellon University announced that they have discovered a security hole in Microsoft Outlook that allows a specific strain of anthrax to be sent via e-mail.

This Computer has been infected with: Anthrax.

Would you like me to [Ignore] or [Fix]?

Fix. The repair did not work fully as your system files are gravely corrupted.

Memory has been compromised. You will probably no longer remember most of your college years. And since the virus is loose in your central nervous system, you will probably be dead by the time you reach the end of this sentence.

[/parody]

full story: http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20011016

http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail.php?displ ay=20011016

Computer science researchers at Carnegie Mellon University announced that they have discovered a security hole in Microsoft Outlook that allows a specific strain of Anthrax to be sent via e-mail.

Even with the "preview attachments" feature disabled, the tainted message creates a physical manifestation of the disease and infects the user.

God, you karma whores piss me off, what with the blatant promotion of your shitty-ass web sites.

God, you karma whores piss me off, what with the blatant promotion of your shitty-ass web sites.