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Yeah, but aren't placebos effective? I thought even the FDA agreed ;-)

See also:

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Agreed. Also, with things like a robot dog there could be other things you could do with them that perhaps a regular service animal shouldn't do in our society.

He's still alive?

Fifteen year old article on his death.

I was quite saddened when I thought that the United States had lost one of its premiere science guys...

So in other words you are this guy and are so clueless about the subject you think Steam is a MSFT product....well thx for wasting our time.

Uber responds with its own premium service.

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

'The name "Yucca Mountain" is synonymous with danger and excitement. It's so much more than some single-industry desert town with a lot of unusual buildings—the entire place surges with activity and pulses with the thrill of the forbidden. The eerie luminescent glow lights the Nevada sky all through the night. Everyone has heard stories, but no one who hasn't visited can truly understand Yucca Mountain. Why's that? Well, my friend, I'd like to tell you, but folks who work here have a little saying: What happens at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility stays at the Yucca Mountain Federal Nuclear Waste Disposal and Encasement Facility. '

I just love their writing. http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Obligatory Onion Article: Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television.

All in good fun!

BEIJING—Acknowledging that its current programs are insufficient to meet the needs of a fast-paced, 21st-century population, the Chinese Ministry of Justice held a press conference Friday affirming its commitment to fixing the nation’s crumbling reeducation system.

According to government officials, the steady decline in the quality of reeducation is evidenced by the system’s serious overcrowding, dilapidated correctional facilities, and outdated propaganda materials, which have left a large percentage of China’s political prisoners unprepared for life as obedient citizens.

“We are falling well short of the reeducation needs of this country and failing a whole generation of dissidents,” said justice minister Wu Aiying, lamenting that many institutions currently rely on standardized reprogramming curriculums that haven’t been updated since the Cultural Revolution in the 1960s. “We need better reeducators who know how to use modern teaching and disciplinary technologies if we want to inspire our people to become fully subservient pawns of the state.”

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

This. Replacing a 102-key device with a 2-key device is not progress. Point-and-click is really just point-and-grunt. Two grunts to double-click.

Obligatory Onion article.

You are not including keyboard alternatives such as Dasher (http://www.inference.phy.cam.ac.uk/dasher/) in your consideration. I don't need a keyboard to type anymore, this truly takes you to zero keystrokes. I want this computer.

This. Replacing a 102-key device with a 2-key device is not progress. Point-and-click is really just point-and-grunt. Two grunts to double-click.

Obligatory Onion article.

You should know that Sony has a history of delivering stupid pieces of shit.

Even CEO Can't Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business

If you stay in ONION yes. But the feds own or control a vast many exit nodes to consider it a 'safe' route anywhere outside of onion space.

That works for me. I always stay in TheOnion

Reminds of The Onion post Sep. 11th: http://www.theonion.com/articl...

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

NEW YORKâ"Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

"Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."

Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."

"I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."

The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe.

"I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you'd get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important," said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. "I guess I figured I'd left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?"

"But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody's spouting off some nonsense about, 'God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it's God's will,'" God continued. "It's not God's will, all right? News flash: 'God's will' equals 'Don't murder people.'"

Worse yet, many of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur'an.

"To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit itâ"My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall."

God praised the overwhelming majority of His Muslim followers as "wonderful, pious people," calling the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks rare exceptions.

"This whole medieval concept of the jihad, or holy war, had all but vanished from the Muslim world in, like, the 10th century, and with good reason," God said. "There's no such thing as a holy war, only unholy ones. The vast majority of Muslims in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists, just like the vast majority of Christi

This is a better article[NSFW] from the Onion.

Islam caters to a really special kind of demagoguery that its followers can be more batshit crazy over a cartoon than even the most committed abortion clinic bombers.

Sorry, but I don't see much of distinction there. Terrorism and murder are no more, or less, justified by any particular religious belief. Hurting other people because you believe the invisible man in the sky somehow demands it of you is kinda the very definition of bat-shit crazy.

This is a better article[NSFW] from the Onion.

Islam caters to a really special kind of demagoguery that its followers can be more batshit crazy over a cartoon than even the most committed abortion clinic bombers.

And did I mention that I don't even *OWN* an TV?

Yes, yes you did !

Kodak is going to face some stiff competition from Uncle Ben's! http://www.theonion.com/articl...

[He] always makes sure to read the copies of Entertainment Weekly and People lying around the shop's break room, "just so he can point out all the stars and shows he's never heard of."

"Last week, in one of the magazines, there was a picture of Calista Flockhart," Elkins said, "and Jonathan announced, 'I have absolutely no idea who this woman is. Calista who? Am I supposed to have heard of her? I'm sorry, but I haven't.'"

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

Is working for The Onion now a mandatory prerequisite for being a member of Chinese legislature?

Well, North Korea has officially said "Wait and See".

The film, due for release on Christmas, has drawn criticism from the North Korean government, which called it an "evil act of provocation" and an "undisguised sponsoring of terrorism" and asked the United Nations to block its release. A government website also threatened the filmmakers with "stern punishment."

Apparently the supreme, glorious little runt doesn't like being teased, and seems to think his delusional self is exempt from parody.

If so, this would be kind of hilarious, and kind of scary ... a nation state doing this stuff because their leader tender ego is feeling bruised.

If this is North Korea, this is all about waving around the collective penis, and posturing that he has any influence on the rest of the world.

Hey, Kim was named the sexiest man alive recently so maybe they have something to be proud of waving...

The summary reminded me of this prophetic gem: http://www.theonion.com/articl...

the more they do not trust dre voting machines. Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

http://www.theonion.com/articl...

I don't own a car in the present, nor do I especially want or need to.

Are you the guy who doesn't own a television either?

It reminds me of an Onion Radio News episode from 2008, 1998 was 10 Fucking Years Ago" It was almost a wake-up call because at that point as it did seem like almost yesterday.

Is it true that representative government is a lost cause and that lawmakers would never knowingly yield authority? There are people who think that advising citizens to devolve into consumers is a dubious proposition.

Maybe working through both venues would improve the chances of effecting change?

I was able to find a video about Sony's upcoming set-top box.

Astronomers Discover Planet Identical To Earth With Orbital Space Mirror http://www.theonion.com/articl...

When is the last time a school shooter was a girl? Why is that? No one wants to talk about gender roles anymore, we're all the "same".

Topical: http://www.theonion.com/articl...

I thought it was common knowledge where all the young-uns are going for social media:

http://www.theonion.com/video/...

It would have been good form to cite your source.

LMAO. I don't know any comedians bothering to assure their audience they've simply made up much of the funniest material. Good form?

It would have been good form to cite your source.

Everyone knows the Weather Channel is very much biased. http://www.theonion.com/video/...
I see fit to answer an entertainer with entertainment.
There is at least one clear, totally weak lie in his letter : "The polar ice is increasing, not melting away".
Such statemnent is ridiculous given how easy it is to look at the picture, thus that guy deserves no respect nor wasting time with him.
  http://nsidc.org/arcticseaicen...

Massive oil spills do increase wildlife viscosity:
http://www.theonion.com/articl...

"Today's wildlife revs at higher r.p.m.'s," Gedman said. "So when you're a gray seal swimming after a fish at over 200 strokes per minute, you can't afford any excess friction on your fins or tail. You need a quality motor oil to keep them as loose as possible."

The onion nailed this two and a half months ago:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/experts-ebola-vaccine-at-least-50-white-people-awa,36580/

Fuck everything, we're doing ten movies.

Fuck everything, we're doing five tiers.

Old news, the Onion called it back in 2011: New Apple CEO Tim Cook: 'I'm Thinking Printers'

Sorry. My reply is lost in the grass because I'm AC. Maybe you won't see this, either.

A great Onion story on PeTA

I'm sure this is a real story

NORFOLK, VA—In what has been dubbed the most "devastating and brutal siege in the history of animal-rights activism," an elite, paramilitary squad of commandos from People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (PETA) attacked and killed 49 employees at Couture Cosmetics' Norfolk, VA, research facility while saving a rabbit during a daring midnight raid Monday.

Captcha: Soldier (not kidding)

Parent probably isn't trolling, but referencing the Onion headline.

Oddly enough, this is perfectly timed with someone in the US getting infected.

Not hardly, we're still some number away before that happens.

Experts: Ebola Vaccine At Least 50 White People Away

"Development of the vaccine has been vastly accelerated already, due to the virus's spread and its mortality rate." Ebola isn't new. What's new is that there's now a very real chance of the infection spreading to countries where white people live. Hence the "vastly accelerated" development.

I didn't think Bush Sr. was a sociopath

Old boy was head of the CIA during all the ugliness in Central America. Remember "School of the Americas"? I don't think there's ever been a head of the CIA who was not a sociopath. It's part of the job description, after all. And I'm not joking.

I don't really think Obama or Biden are sociopaths either

Well, they have sociopathies, such as extreme narcissism and dissembling behavior. If they're not full-blown sociopaths, they're definitely well along the spectrum.

they're career opportunists, but occasionally one of them does something that suggests there's an actual human being underneath

That's how sociopaths do. They learn very early on how to manipulate people to get what they want. Maybe not so much Biden, because I've seen pictures of him washing his own Trans Am. He seems like an old school good government politician. It's possible that he's not a sociopath.

I don't think it's irrelevant to his legacy that the Clinton years coasted by relatively smoothly with a strong economy and uncontested superpower status.

"Uncontested superpower status" is pure sociopathy. Clinton was a serial liar and willing to let the globalists run stuff while he was getting his freak on. He stays in my sociopath category, as does George Bush, who got up in front of a joint session of congress, on national TV and told what he knew to be a complete lie ("Yellow Cake!") so that we'd go fight a war. He's a sociopath. Maybe it has elements of "wet brain" from his years of drinking and drugging, but whatever self-caused organic damage he may have suffered manifested itself in sociopathic behavior.

So, OK. I'll take out Biden. He's just an old full-of-shit politician. On his own he probably wouldn't do much damage. Bush Sr - definitely a sociopath. Clinton, Bush Jr. You bet. Al Gore has more complicated pathologies, probably stemming from growing up the scion of a powerful political family and having great pressures put on him. After all, he married Tipper.

Thank you for pointing out Biden. Here's some evidence of normality:

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-i...

http://www.theonion.com/images...

And yes, I've checked it out, those are real photos, undoctored. The Onion had some fun with them, but didn't alter them at all. I figure a guy who's got a gut and old Navy tattoos and puts on shorts and goes outside to wipe down that beautiful hunk of Detroit iron is probably OK in my book. I don't think he does it regularly, but he seemed pretty unselfconscious about it. Yeah, he's vain with the hair plugs and capped teeth, but that's also part of the job description. If he wanted to show normalcy, there are plenty ways to do it without exposing your humanity in that manner. That's my two-bit psychoanalysis. Worth every penny.

But in the mind of libertarian nutball Cody Wilson

Instead of calling people names, why don't you and yours simply campaign to abolish the Second Amendment altogether? If we read the First the same way we are told to read the Second, our freedom of speech too would be limited to "petitioning the government" — and only for "redress of grievances". Oh, and only after a "cool-down" period.

"Assault firearms" my foot — you can't even carry a freaking sword or brass-knuckles in many parts of the country nowadays. If only the British kept those blades away from Patrick Henry and his "nutball" cohorts!

What makes you think that the second amendment can be used anywhere in the USA to overturn the militia? Try dreaming in technicolor.

If this doesn't look familiar, you may want to read this:
http://www.theonion.com/articl...

But in the mind of libertarian nutball Cody Wilson

Instead of calling people names, why don't you and yours simply campaign to abolish the Second Amendment altogether? If we read the First the same way we are told to read the Second, our freedom of speech too would be limited to "petitioning the government" — and only for "redress of grievances". Oh, and only after a "cool-down" period.

"Assault firearms" my foot — you can't even carry a freaking sword or brass-knuckles in many parts of the country nowadays. If only the British kept those blades away from Patrick Henry and his "nutball" cohorts!

Get it through your thick paranoid skulls... Regulation IS NOT CONFISCATION.