Slashdot Mirror
Old Age Simulator
quackking writes "Tired of being young and healthy? Now you can simulate your own old age. This story describes a sensory-modification suit which, among other things, selectively blocks out certain sound frequencies, and lets you experience arthritis."
If using this sounds like too much work, you can just put it off and eventually it will all sort it's self out in the end.
"Everything you know is wrong. (And stupid.)"
Moderation Totals: Wrong=2, Stupid=3, Total=5.
Well, I'm 29 years old and I feel so old and tired already...
Eddie Murphy dressing up as a white man to find out what it's like was hilarious. "You all walk like you have a stick up your asses."
That doesn't sound very fun. What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?
If only they invented something to make old people feel young, then maybe I'd throw in my 2 cents into their IPO.
No trees were killed in the making of this post; however, many trillions of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.
I'm already old and unhealthy. Will I feel young and healthy if I wear that suit inside-out? What happens if I wear it as is? Do I die?
See charts for twitter trends on Trendistic
...when you invent things to feel bad.
You lot don't know you're born..."
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
what is this, a modern torture device? look here you old people, i've been told and shown enough times how tough it is to be old and you already have my sympathy.
unless it's all a hoax, how do i REALLY know unless i get old myself?
What about a young-person simulator for the older folks?
it's called viagra
The ENIAC Demo Competition
..technology is so advanced that we'll be able to have sex with virtual persons, like Pamela Anderson and it will feel 100% real.
get kids. In no time, your hearing capabilities get reduced fenomenaly, and once they weigh over 15kg, arthritis is instantaneous.
Aditionally, they give you migraine and insomnia, and once they get into puberty, a stroke seems more familiar than a quiet day.
When will I end this grieving ? When will my future begin ?
This is just a worse case scenario. Look at Sean Connery. He's 72. This would be a good scare tactic for young people who don't take care of themselves.
Is sometimes useful to gain understanding about it.
...old age suits YOU! What a coun-try!
Does the suit thingy force you to tell 'back in my day' stories about walking uphill in the snow barefoot to chop firewood and spend a nickle on a movie?
"Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Rex."
Well how come my finacee's grandmother cycles 4 miles per day most days? She's far fitter than I am, and I'm 27!
Not to mention this guy. He's 86 and would probably make most Slashdotters look about 186...
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
there should be an old age simulator...
WITH XRAY VISION
I mean seriously, by the time I'm that old, the xray vision goggles will be mass produced
So what happens when a senior citizen tries this thing? They die???
...oOOo..'(_)'..oOOo...
I thought you could just hang out by a reactor core to quickly experience the effects of old age. Radiation is available very cheaply.
"This is what you got to look forward to, if you keep haning around. Shall I call Dr. Kevorkian now? We have his office on speed-dial."
Will version II of the suit also screw up your short-term memory and give you bad skin?
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
You can never teach an old monkey to simulate a young five-assed monkey. Or something.
The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!
"I only speak the truth"
Karma: null(Mostly affected by an unassigned variable)
According to this Wired article, Ford has developed one of these systems (they're calling it the third age suit), designed to add thirty years to your age so that their designers can get a sense of how old people feel in their cars. The guys that designed the Focus all had to wear these things for a while and play with Ford's other cars when they were in the design stages of teh interior, to get a sens of what worked and what didn't for older people.
I also find it neat that the Toyota Echo was expressely designed for older people (or says the dealer). Personally, I thought older people liked to drive huge cars like Buicks and Caddies (even ones from the eighties), but my grandmother has an Echo and loves it. The seats are high up and the hood is short for more visability, and all the nobs and dials seem bigger than usual for cars that size. Makes me laugh seeing twenty-somethings driving them...
Cue The Sun...
Racism humor is almost as funny as sexism humor. "Men and women be different! Men be all hoggin' tha remote and shit, am I right?!"
It was obviously a comment from some sick RACIST person!
Future plans include a picture of Janet Reno visible from the inside of the helmet, to simulate impotence... (ok, that's not very nice :-)
Simulate arthritis? Make all of you joints ache? Is this what being old is for all of the elderly? I think not, my friend's father is well over 70 years old, but he bikes everyday, works out, and lives an active lifestyle. Sure he doesn't rave every weekend like a 20 year old, but he lives a very fulfilling life. I'm going skiing with him in a week. This article paints a picture that this machine shows how elderly feel, but in my opinion it paints an extreme case. The elderly can have productive pain free lives.
How they do this, is by taking care of themselves while they are young. Eating right and exercising are great ways to keep you body working at peak performance, so when you do get old, everything still works.
This machine would have the people who try it believe that all the elderly feel this bad all the time. It might lead some to think that euthanasia is the answer or that we should treat the elderly as helpless people, unable to even get onto a bike. Perhaps we shouldn't even let them drive.
A better machine would be one that would show the effects of aging based on the wearer's health, fitness, and diet today and project how they would be in 40 years or so with those same habits. It may reinforce their good health now, or for those who are overweight, show them how diabetes, arthritis, and other diseases will stem from their current state. Then the wearer could see how it would feel if they actually took better care of themselves now. Now that would be a good machine for exploring old age.
The party on the bus after the black people got off was awesome.
A skinny road bike, or a nice and cushy recumbent, or even a leisurely and hard to tip over tri-wheeled cruiser?
I plan on living a long, healthy life.
This suit won't apply to me personally. Some people, yes. But those people are the same folks who eat fast-food once or twice a day, never exercise, don't have any spiritual beliefs or practices.
Jack La Lanne is nearly 100 years old, yet he looks 65 and still works out every day. I was born in the 1970s, and I plan on living well into my 120s and 130s. I'm not kidding.
- Eat healthy food. Pretend you're a car. Would you put sugar into your gas tank? Of course not. So don't eat junk food either.
- Exercise. It keeps your mind clean and your body healthy.
- Listen to music. It soothes the soul. Playing music is even better.
- Smile a lot. Be happy. Happy people live longer. They like being alive!
- Have sex/masturbate frequently. The chemicals released during sexual activity make you feel better and aid normal day-to-day activities.
- Don't smoke.
- Don't drink.
- Have beliefs. There has to be some spiritual basis in your mind. You don't have to be Catholic or anything, but that doesn't mean you can't do yoga or pray to some higher power.
Quit your Coca-Cola + Frito Lay + Computer habit that dominates many of your lives. I eat pears, apple slices with peanut butter, celery & peanut butter, raisins, nuts, cereal, etc. while at the computer. Most of you probably don't. Ditch those M&Ms for some healthy trail mix!
Oh God, and please smile too! Life isn't that rough. It'll be better if you take things as they come. Just ENJOY being alive! Life is interesting if nothing else.
And keep games to moderation. This includes Slashdot. Too much of any one thing is bad. Life your life in moderation. Sleep well!
Good things will come, and you and I will still be roaming these hills for 100+ years to come!
This article reminded me of Val Kilmer's interview in an episode of Inside the Actor's Studio.
Kilmer was asked about his experiences while shooting Batman Forever. The first thing he said was "Now I know what being old means. I couldn't hear inside the suit, so I had to guess my cues from watchint people's lips move. I couldn't move or turn your head. You think you move your hand and then you slowly watch it go up. I could barely see." (paraphrased a bit)
Ah, another shattered illusion. I used to think that the Batman suit was soooooo cool...
Ehttp://eugeneciurana.com | http://ciurana.eu
This suit is designed specifically to give manufacturers an idea of the ease of use of their products, by people that are elderly.
Yes you may know some 70 year olds that are fitter then 30 year olds, but there are alot that have trouble performing everyday tasks.
This suit is a pretty neat idea on how to make better design choices.
Take your bag of chips in one hand, your bottle of mountain dew in another, and jump into a hole. There, an apropriate prediction of what a lot of slashdoters eating habits will give us for an old age.
Everything will be taken away from you.
That sounds terrific. Because if there's one thing I'm tired of, it's all those damn old people marching around, bragging about their loss of hearing, uncontrollable trembling, and incontinence.
Kudos to the scientists who came up with this miracle device. Drive-thru windows insured that I don't have to wait for my hamburger. Fotomat made certain I wouldn't have to wait for my pictures. Now, thanks to this wondrous creation, I don't even have to wait to feel old!!
Seriously: The next time you scientists wake up bored, on a rainy Sunday, looking for something to do...CANCER. Forget Viagra, Rogaine, and "old machines." CURE CANCER.
Christ...
Please don't read my journal
I don't think the gloves are gonna help me be more obstanant and stubborn.
"Quoting famous computer scientists out of context is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming." - K
Exactly, they can already do this for the disabled (blind/deaf/wheelchair bound) pretty easily, the old age suit was the next logical step.
For starters you need a proper outfit. White belt and shoes, Sansabelt slacks, and black garter socks would be appropriate. Walgreens styled wraparound sunglasses will finish off this ensemble. Slather some liniment to get that nice medicinal scent. If you're really hardcore, an oxygen tank would show you mean business. Then tool around in a Rascal and you're set!
When trolling, try to be original
loser
The most amazing part of this story? This thing comes from Berlin. ...'Cause if there's ever been a more American-sounding invention, I've never heard of it.
(Although I suppose the fact that it doesn't come armed with two semi-automatic pistols might have been a clue...)
crib
Please don't read my journal
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Can you put the batteries in backward and have it make your feel young and foolish again?
Well, I guess you could get that with a few whacks to the head.
"Defenestration" is to throw out of a window; what's a word for throwing 'Windows' out of something?
Solution: Read Slashdot.
Escher was the first MC and Giger invented the HR department.
What's the point? Is this some sort of S&M toy?
Repeal the DMCA!
Contrary to the fantasies of the young, much of how you feel as you age depends on luck and genetics, not lifestyle. Lifestyle certainly counts, but we don't even know what is best. For example, exercise a lot and if you aren't lucky and careful, you will have *more* arthritis as you age. Eat well and when you get old you may discover that what was thought was eating well was no longer the best.
I had the misfortune to contract an intestinal infection relatively young. It triggered an autoimmune disorder that has caused me trouble for over 20 years. Lifestyle had nothing to do with it! Now I am an old fart with arthritis (and not from overexercising I guarantee you!). Friends of mine who were in took care of themselves are dead from various causes (cancer, stroke, etc).
People want to believe they are immortal and in control of things. I see this the most in pilots (which I used to be) as they analyze how *they* wouldn't make the stupid mistakes that just killed one of their peers. The cult of exercise is a similar psychological phenomenon. A lot of people believe, deep down, that if they exercise well and eat the right stuff (and maybe avoid pesticides or power plants, or wear tin hats when the UFOs fly over), they will live forever... or at least long enough that they need not consider their mortality. I think this is one reason that people have such extreme emotional reactions to certain kinds of risk - such as nuclear power or trace chemical contaminants.
There is no doubt that moderate exercise is better than no exercise, and that overweight is worse than not being overweight. Beyond that, it's far less clear what to do. Probably the most important determinant, for someone in our prosperous society, is what parents they chose.
The only good weather is bad weather.
I see people talking about manufactures using those to test how old people would feel inside their cars or whatever. Okay, I understand somebody might try this thing out of curiosity, but car manufacturers? Wouldn't it be easier to pay a few old people?
screw aural accesibilty. i'm testing all my style with this.
As someone who is more then half-deaf naturally (and 21 years old), I don't really think you are missing out on much if you don't get to use this little toy. I would rather cherish my good hearing then experience crappier hearing, and save arthitis for when I have to deal with it (if I have to). How about they work on devices that allow the opposite to happen instead of allowing 'normal' people to simulate being disabled in some manner; seems kinda pointless. I can see the point w/ drunk driving simulations, but this? I dunno, like I said you are not missing much.
"What can a thoughtful man hope for mankind on Earth, given the experience of the past million years? Nothing." -Bokonon
"from the strap-on dept."
umm... michael? dare we ask?...
"I would say that 99 per cent of what my father has written about his own life is false." - L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
He collects fans. Uses them to whore karma. Troll. What else do you think this line is about?
"And keep games to moderation. This includes Slashdot."
At least they didnt make a New Age simulator - people might actually convert...
Is this what being old is for all of the elderly?
No, nor does the article say so.
The elderly can have productive pain free lives.
Of course they can. The article doesn't say otherwise.
Eating right and exercising are great ways to keep you body working at peak performance, so when you do get old, everything still works.
There are many illnesses you can work to prevent. But there are all sorts of medical conditions that you can't do anything to prevent. There is no way to make sure that everything will still "work." You make it sound like age, disease, disability and death are solely the result of laziness and gluttony.
You're not immortal yourself, you know. One day your body will stop "working," too.
A better machine would be one that would show the effects of aging based on the wearer's health, fitness, and diet today and project how they would be in 40 years or so with those same habits.
It is not designed as a tool for personal improvement. Its purpose is to help younger people design better products and provide better services for the elderly. You'd know that if you read the article.
I'd be scared that with all the voting power the old and geezerly have, it'll be required for all us whippersnappers to wear this thing for a few days to better appreciate the pain they have to go through. I'm sure that would get them that increased Medicare funding that they so desperately want.
I'm royally sick of how the old folks have all the power. I guess it's the fault of my generation, who just doesn't vote. Stupid college kids.
If not all sentients are human, couldn't it be possible that not all humans are sentient either?
It's all about how you treat yourself, folks. If you eat good and stay fit, you won't have all of these problems this thing simulates when you're 80 years old. ;-)
You could just more to Florida.
In other news, suicide rates have quintupled after people realized what hell they're going to be going through in 40 years...
I already feel old....this thing might kill me, and I'm only 20. Geeks like me need to learn to exersise more often
From the article: "it helps designers of electrical appliances, cars and medical equipment, as well as hospital and home-care staff, to imagine what it can be like to be 70, and respond better to the needs of the elderly." The purpose of the suit is not to provide a certain perceived image of old-ageness throughout the general population; it was invented to assist designers, nurses, and the like, what sort of problems old and ailing people suffer everyday of their lives. It has great educational value in giving them an impression what difficulties they may face. I've worked in mobile care for a year, and believe me, getting in and out of a car's passenger seat is a major pain and effort for many elderly people.
Besides, how many of us really expect to be as fit as Sean Connery after spending half of our life behind a computer screen?
Comment removed based on user account deletion
and wear it all the time. I will fight against it every day and when I am old I will remove the suit and I will be unstoppable! You will worship me as a God! I, Maud Dib no longer needs the weirding device!
Quake 3 on....
50-60's - IBM PS/1 or a Tandy 1000 EX with the external 5.25" fopppy drive. 300bps modem sold seperate.
60's-70's - Radio Shack Color Computer 2, Commodor 64, or an old TI 99/4A. Acustic couplers sold seperate.
70's+ - MITS Altair 8800 where the frame rate is dependent on how quickly you interpret the lights and turn the knobs on an Etcha-Sketch. Tin cans and string sold sperate.
~~ Behold the flying cow with a rail gun! ~~
All story links point to the google cache. See Merkac Dot for the full slashdot summary
"Tired of being young and healthy? Now you can simulate your own old age [G]. This story describes a sensory-modification suit which, among other things, selectively blocks out certain sound frequencies, and lets you experience arthritis."
Cool, but useless.
Want to simulate old age? Just follow these easy steps:
Tell anyone who will listen long, rambling stories about wars you were never in
Sit on your porch with a shotgun, yelling at kids to get off your lawn
Constantly complain about how good things used to be
See, it's THAT easy! =)
"Yeah, well, Dracula called and he's coming over tonight for you and I said okay."
this news isnt really new. Ive read about that like many years ago when most of you havent thought of Slashdot and all that stuff. Get a stiff suit on and be barely able to move. This aint new at all...
While some of the more gymnastic martial arts can wear out the body,
Tai Chi is a good way to excercise and meditate at any age. I know some who still train/teach it well through their 80's.
Couple of pointers:
- Learn one of the traditional Chinese ones, not some new age junk
- Keep the knee aligned above the toes unless you have a good reason. Any good instructor will know that putting pressure on a knee bent inwards can cause damage.
Uhm.. Yay!
?
-- 'The' Lord and Master Bitman On High, Master Of All
by sitting in my chair for hours reading Slashdot posts...
This also simulates senility and Alzheimer's...
Bad for my diet, too...
And you should see what it does to my love life... Does the word "virtual" ring a bell (as in "virtually none")?
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
Seriosuly. My grandfather just turned 72, and do you want to guess which one of us has arthritis?
Yeah, Me. Im 21. I know when its going to rain (pain in my knees, thanks to surgery) and when its going to snow (pain in my elbow, thanks to dislocations and a break). I can get out and job for about 1 mile before i fall over and light up a cigarette, and He's been running four miles a day longer then I and my parents have been alive.
Hell, just for kicks, i went running with him a while ago. I couldn't keep up. I wish i coudl be in that good of shape when i am his age.
----
One of us needs to stick ones' head in a bucket of ice water.
- Hobbes
The new virtual funland: Geriatric Park!
You know, Jurassic Park works just as well.
Chindogu!!!
This reminds me too much of Harrison Bergeron, a short story written by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. in 1961. In the story, people in the year 2081 who see well are required by the government to wear blurry glasses so that they see "like everyone else". Strong people are weighted down with bags of birdshot, and beautiful people were required to wear masks.
Slashdot's first reaction to VMware
The machine isn't designed to show people what its like to be old, it was made to help people design products better for the elderly who DO have medical problems like poor eyesight and arthritis. From your description it sounds like your father would fit into the consumer model of a healthy middle aged man, so the results of this machine have no relation whatsoever to what he buys and how he uses it.
----
Striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap, will be the leap ho
... because it does not simulate having prostate problems.
.. the nearest public loo.
I was in the Vodaphone shop the other day and the sweet young 20-something tried to sell me a 'phone with all these "Super-useful local imformation resources" all full of totally useless guff, but no mention of the most important public facility of all
Of course, fitness and healthy eating will tend to reduce the effects of aging no matter how good or bad your genes are, but don't count on being youthful at 70 no matter how virtuous you live.
If you exercise moderately and don't smoke, you'll extend your life somewhat and are at lower risk of some unpleasant diseases. Beyond that, it's out of your control.
I'm going to buy one for my gran.
Finally, there is money in beating the living shit out of somebody..........well, besides joining the LA Police Force.
Table-ized A.I.
my girlfriend drives one.
Are they really making money on this 'suit'? :) Maybe I should remarket the sledge hammer (slightly modified) and patent it and get these people to sell it with their suits.
Why would you want to "feel" what arthitis is like? Hell, I have a 20 lb sledgehammer that will let you feel what a broke leg feels like
Never try to beat a professional at his own game!
If a 70-year-old wears the device do they feel 140 or should one assume that an age 70 simulator worn by a 70-year-old would have no effect?
lets see, the screen makes the eyes burn, the keyboard makes the hands tingle, the chair burns your ass, takes a while to get comfortable and u don't want to leave it. i call it OS X.
"You never want a serious crisis to go to waste." - Rahm Emanuel
It's that simple. The #1 detirmining factor in how you feel is -- your state of mind! You can overcome any bad card genetics throws your way by having a strong will and a quick mind. Taking care of yourself when you're younger will help preserve this well into the future.
I hate losers who go around saying that everything is inevitable because of genetics. It just goes to show they barely know themselves, and are obviously not capable of dictating to others. It's just a convieniant excuse for those who don't want to try hard to overcome limitations given to them by nature.
Today's reminiscing begins... Today.
Keep your packets off my GNU/Girlfriend!
As you say, it changed my perception rather deeply. I am more greatful for the relative health and vitality I have now. I feel more motivated to get out and go hiking, swimming, whatever, not so much because I think it will "make a difference," but because now I feel that life is short.
I'm still young - about 30 - and it freaks me out that I can already feel some changes coming on. Nothing that bad, but it occurs to me that this "aging" thing might actually happen to me one day.
Why don't they just hire some older folks to try their product and give them feedback, instead of putting a young Q&A person into the suit?
The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
I thought it was called Florida?
"They do not preach that their god will rouse them, a little before the Nuts work loose." Kipling, 'The Sons of Martha'
They have a simulator for that right now. It's called a TRS-80!
Probably the most important determinant, for someone in our prosperous society, is what parents they chose.
n -cause father. But geez, if I'd known that I had a choice!
You got to pick your parents??? Why didn't somebody tell me this before? I got stuck with the afraid-the-computer-will-explode-any-minute mother and a let's-open-the-case-and-see-how-much-damage-we-ca
Flanders: I just followed the three C's: clean living, chewing thoroughly, and a daily dose of vitamin church!
Homer: Geez, Flanders. You've never lived a day in your life!
Sure, I smoke cigs, drink beer, eat M&Ms, but at least I'll have had a good time (except for the morning after).
if(!toilet_paper) roll.replace(new roll);
And arthritis? I was diagnosed with it at 21. Tying this suit to a particular age is very crude at best.
Getting old sucks. Bad. I know. I'm a fscking geezer. But getting old *does* beat the hell out of your only alternative. I think. Maybe.
highly obnoxious audio clip present in web page
God created all of us. We're tenants in decaying bodies; wisps of vapour that will soon die.
The day you recognize this, and follow it to the conclusion laid out in the Gospels of the Bible; that's the day you will finally live forever.
One thing to consider as that you "grow into your age." This device will pile everything on at once, but generally as you age things just somewhat creep up on you (so I've been told).
Look at your parents. And you will have an estimate how you will look at that age, if you don't cure yourself more.
Getting arthritis and being fatter are not 100% sure, e.g. my grandpa was 40-50% underweight when he died (and not for a disease!!).
If you don't like the way your parents or grandparents look, do something to prevent you from looking like that. Move! Before it't too late
Please mod mesocyclone's comments above 5.
"According to our special aging simulation, the subject should be FIVE YEARS OLDER."
And now for the geek simulator! Ordinarily popular people can now experience social ostracisation, sexual frustration and the joy of computers. You won't want to take the suit off!
Will it make me drive in the passing lane, doing 45 in a 65 zone with the blinker on?
They say the first thing to go is your penis. Well, it's either that or your brain. I forget which...
how would i know it was time to come out the simulator?
Attendant: You're time's up, sir!
Me: Eh? what was that sonny?
Attendant: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE IF YOU WANT TO KEEP GOING, SIR!
Me: I need to pray more to keep me from croaking? You young whipper snapper, I remember when all this was just fields...
"So there he is, risen from the dead. Like that fella, E. T." - Father Ted Crilly
Allowed my PC to feel old, slow and creaky. Check it out - it's marketed as Windows XP.
(So would Doom III have been a better punchline?)
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.