The Cost of 12 Days of Christmas

CtrlPhreak writes "PNC bank once again has come out with the Christmas price index, the cost of the 12 days of christmas. The result, swans cost 66.7 percent up from last year. The total cost rose 18.8 percent from the last year to a grand total of... $65,264.28, the largest percentage increase since 1987."

Comments

will of warrior!

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes, but what's the total cost of my foot up your ass?

Anal shoe removal....$364.42...up 6% from last year.


BONUS CARLINISM:
"Fuck and shit are okay, but 'PNC' are out!" har har har

Where do they get the lords?

[bgog]

So what would the seven 'lords a leaping' be?

Lords of the dance?
Renting lords from the British house of Lords to leap around?

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[brian728s]

Duh, lord of the rings

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[cpt kangarooski]

Yeah, I also wondered about that. It seems like it's got to be renting British Lords, but given how few of them there are compared to the number of people celebrating Christmas, I'd expect the price to be much higher.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[MikeXpop]

Screw the lords, I want to know how Eight Maid's a-Milkin' cost 40 bucks. Sign me up!

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Trolling 4 dollas]

Actually they could hire out a Canadian senator or judge because you address them as lord. Although of course I wouldn't know this from first hand experience.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[windside]

Obviously they're mail-order Maids-a-Milking.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[inkpassion]

Simple. $5 hand jobs

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Mmm_Coco]

actually, its a dollar a maid, because the index said they counted

• every time
• • you give your true love the gift. So she (or he, I don't know you) will get 8 maids on the 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th days of Christmas, for a grand total of 40 maids at one dollar each! whoohoo cheap maids! partay!

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Anonymous Coward]

Wrong. They only sum the repetitions in the "true cost." The actual cost of the 8 maids is $40.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Mmm_Coco]

Damn. And I was looking foward to hiring some sexy sexy maids for the low low price of $1. Oh well, I'll have to splurge on the $5 maids.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[pr0f3550r]

Obviously the song is refering to Lords of 'Tae Kwan Leap'. I'm sure the lord of Tae Kwan Leap, master Ki-lo-knee, and his buddies cost a pretty penny for a personal appearance.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Brad1138]

If there was a higher score than 5, I'd give it to you for that one. I haven't laughed so hard in a while.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Ridge]

As per they article they outsourced the maids to China.

"The abundance of cheap labor in countries such as China have contributed toward increased pressure on U.S. manufacturers to outsource their unskilled labor overseas, and evolve toward higher-skilled areas, to maintain profitability. Unfortunately, the unskilled Maids haven't managed an increase in price for their services in many years," he added.

However, it's unclear whether they actually outsourced the jobs to China or perhaps they found a few illegals at the local massage parlor...

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Chemical]

Easy, pay them minimum wage.

$5.15/hour federal minimum wage x 8 maids = $41.20

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Richard M. Nixon]

Duh, lord of the rings

Only one hand may wield the ruling ring.
And there are 10 Lords-a-Leaping.

Here is where you can buy one lord-a-leaping.

While googling for the lyrics I came across this christian explanation of the Twelve Days of Christmas.
(How novel, a christian explaination of a christmas song.)
Also note, while it seems the song has different origins, the term The Twelve Days of Christmas refers to the 12 days occuring between the Catholic Christmas (December 25) and the Orthodox Christmas (January 6) (I think).

I also came across a site of satires of the twelve days.

Also, maybe I should RTFA, but does the cost of the twelve days of christmas 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.... 12 of each thing respectively, or is it:

• 12 Partridges in 12 Pear Trees
  
• 22 Turtle Doves
  
• 30 French Hens
  
• 36 Calling Birds
  
• 40 Gold Rings
  
• 42 Geese-a-Laying
  
• 40 Swans-a-Swimming
  
• 36 Ladies Dancing
  
• 30 Lords-a-Leaping
  
• 22 Pipers Piping
  
• 12 Drummers Drumming

OK, I RTFA and it only considered the catalog of the song on the last sing through, which is considerably less that what accounts on singing the enitre song. (Each time you go through the list they add up.)

And does this mean the Answer is really 42 Geese-a-Laying?

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Anonymous Coward]

How did the first post get modded redundant?

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[floydigus]

Yeah - I have a use for that milking action of theirs!

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Fembot]

9 Dancing ladies though... NINE!!! Think of the possibilities :-)

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[Anonymous Coward]

Do you really think the presents from earlier in the song are repurchased each day? I don't. It's just a lyrical device to repeat all of the gifts. I mean, if I give you something today, under normal circumstances you will still have it tomorrow. And if I give you something else tomorrow, your inventory will now be: something, something else. Like pushing items on a stack (since without a techie metaphor, I can't possibly imagine how any of this is "news for nerds").

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[nateDigs420]

This is how we do Christmas in the ghetto, http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/46261/Baby_Tigga /12_Days_Of_Christmas/ word up to my biatches on the west side.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[ooby]

I think we are overlooking the obvious: LOTR Gift Sets on a trampoline.

Re:Where do they get the lords?

[shades6666]

Only the true cost of christmas index included the repetitions. The $41.20 price tag is for eight maids, one time.

People Never Change

[dolo666]

The 12 days of christmas are up 18.8 percent from the last year because of a war in Iraq, and horrible Bush spending this year. Rub that together with the greedy marketing guys everywhere, and you have increases accross the board. The psychology of parenting is such that most people will attempt to provide the best possible Christmas or Haunnukah for their loved ones, even if it means they spent 20% extra this year, and even if it killed them, their credit rating or family doing so.

Re:People Never Change

[Kwelstr]

Actually this is probably a better gauge on inflation than the fictitious numbers they're feeding us from the goverment statistics.

All I know is, my montly bills are up: electricity, gas and phone. My market bill is bigger now than last year... and I don't think I am eating anything different. Everything is up except for the inflation numbers... go figure eh :-/

Re:People Never Change

[prisoner-of-enigma]

Uh, despite your earnest attempt to pin the blame of this on George Bush and the Iraqi war, perhaps you might want to add in the fact that the American dollar is down roughly 18% for this same period -- very similar to the price increase of the 12 days of Christmas.

Yes, I know you hate the President, but he isn't responsible for every hideous and awful thing that happens to you regardless of whether you want him to be or not.

Re:People Never Change

[twiddlingbits]

What the Fsck is funny about this? RTFA about where the costs come from. The moderators would do well not to mod up posts that have nothing wise or informative to say, that is getting to be a bad habit. I get tired of a place that is supposed to be a type of technical forum being a place where poltical rhetoric and nonsense replaces facts. Or can the younger generation who post here not understand facts? As for folks overspending, that happens even without Christmas, and even in good economic times. Lots of people have to get the latest and greatest this or that regardless of whether they can afford it. It Sad not funny, and it happens regardless of who is in the White House.

Re:People Never Change

[TopShelf]

Actually this is probably a better gauge on inflation than the fictitious numbers they're feeding us from the goverment statistics.

If you want a real-world measurement, The Economist uses a Big Mac index, tracking the price of Big Mac's not just in the US but around the world, as a means of measuring inflationary trends and foreign currency movements...

Re:People Never Change

[macrom]

Geez, Scrooge, sounds like you need a nice evening by the fire with eight maids-a-milking. Or the ten lords-a-leaping, if that's your preference. I'll put the maids on a credit card for you, but I've already ruined by credit by purchasing presents for my kid and the ten lords are just a bit out of my price range. Maybe next year...

Re:People Never Change

[/dev/trash]

Ohhhhh well that explains that.

Re:People Never Change

[Eccles]

Uh, despite your earnest attempt to pin the blame of this on George Bush and the Iraqi war, perhaps you might want to add in the fact that the American dollar is down roughly 18% for this same period -- very similar to the price increase of the 12 days of Christmas.

It's not too much of a stretch to assert that the drop in the dollar is in large part due to government spending and deficits. Regardless, a significant fraction of the cost is contract labor, and I know I didn't get an 18% raise this year, did you?

Re:People Never Change

[yintercept]

According the the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the CPI dropped in November by .03%. The main inflationary pressure in the US right now is from the weaker dollar. The economist and other right wing rags have been lauding the the weaker dollar as it should end up helping the US labor market while increasing the value of the cash in other countries to help increase their consumer spending. The xmas index is just about a small bag of goods with wild price swings.

The CPI is calculated over a rather large shopping bag of goods.

Re:People Never Change

[Pheff]

I'm not anti-business but it seems likely to me that the responsibility for wonky government stats lies with big business. Wall Street and its clients, who largely would prefer to see the Bush win a 2nd term, must ensure that the sitting president gets a rosy looking economy until after Nov 2004. Meanwhile, they're making profits by raising prices on seasonal/sectarian goods and services that are explicitly excluded from the definition of the Consumer Price Index.

Re:People Never Change

[gcaseye6677]

Notice your standard of living is up too. Remember back in the 70s when most people had 1 TV and if you were well to do you might have had 2? How much did your first VCR cost? Although the cost of living has been going up, I think you'll find that people spend less of their income, percentage wise, on basic living essentials. Then again, people today define cable TV and a car with leather seats as basic essentials. One thing for sure, most people today have a better standard of living and comfort level than the super rich had in the late 1800s.

Re:People Never Change

[danheskett]

Huh.. that's interesting.. I did, my wife did, and two of our friends did (actually, we all did better, about 20% in reality)..

For some people things are just fine.. for others.. not so much...

Re:People Never Change

[whiteranger99x]

I get tired of a place that is supposed to be a type of technical forum being a place where poltical rhetoric and nonsense replaces facts.

Ah, you obviously must be new here, all we do is fill this forum with nonsense...and thats the closest we come to making sense! You'll learn ;)

Re:People Never Change

[fermion]

Oh, come on. The article is a joke. The number, though shrouded in reality, should be taken even less seriously than the average economic pontifications. The responses mostly reflect that reality.

It is expected that some of the younger population, with their ideals and unattainable standards, would take it too seriously. What is sad is when a wise and knowledgeable person take those responses seriously.

And let's be honest. If the sole criteria for upward moderation was wisedom and correct information, we would have precious few 5's, and a much less interesting forum. As it is I sit in awe at the amount of funny stuff that gets rated flamebait, or, even more distressing, interesting.

Re:People Never Change

[screenrc]

The "standard of living" is a psychological
phenomenon, it is what-you-want vs what-you-can-afford,
and your happiness is dependent on this. It
means nothing to me if my '93 Nissan is
a much better car than the Predident's Trouman.
As long as my car is the worst car on lot, but
I wish I had a Lexus, then I am still very miserable.

Re:People Never Change

[Anonymous Coward]

and the peons that work under you?

Re:People Never Change

[thelexx]

"The CPI is calculated over a rather large shopping bag of goods."

That has things magically disappear from it when they start making the numbers look bad.

Re:People Never Change

[Afty0r]

Although the cost of living has been going up, I think you'll find that people spend less of their income, percentage wise, on basic living essentials.

Can you read? The parent said : "All I know is, my montly bills are up: electricity, gas and phone. My market bill is bigger now than last year." - which means he's spending MORE on basic living essentials than he did last year.

Re:People Never Change

[term8or]

which means he's spending MORE on basic living essentials than he did last year

But not necessarily more as a percentage of income, as income can (generally does) rise faster than inflation.

Re:People Never Change

[TopShelf]

I'd say put away your tin foil hat - coming up with accurate pricing data for a national economy is a very tough thing to do, and by definition some things will rise by more than the index, and some less (consider consumer electronics and PC-related goods, which constantly fall in price). And as far as Wall Street and its clients preferring Bush to win a 2nd term, it's been noted that if you look back over time, the stock markets have done much better during Democratic presidencies than during Republican ones.

That said, of course the pedal is being pushed to the floor to ensure a growing economy over the next 12 months. But that has to do more with massive amounts of fiscal stimulus (read: taking us from a healthy budget surplus to a massive deficit) and continued low interest rates.

Re:People Never Change

[ceeam]

Yep. Just imagine what the price of a cellphone was in 1800s!! Our standard of living got just incredibly higher since then.

Re:People Never Change

[twiddlingbits]

I know the article was a Joke. It's amazing to me how someone can take an article like that and make it into a political diatribe. And that it gets modded up to a 5! I think ideals and high standards are good things for young folks to have but they should be rooted in reality, no knee-jerk politics of either side. I've been reading /. about 5 months now and have learned a few things, mostly that Geeks hate rules made by the Government, SCO sucks, BillGates (or GWB) is the AntiChrist, and that we have some folks here who should be writing jokes for a living not developing software (it probably pays more too).

Re:People Never Change

[merlin_jim]

All I know is, my montly bills are up: electricity, gas and phone. My market bill is bigger now than last year... and I don't think I am eating anything different. Everything is up except for the inflation numbers... go figure eh :-/

To paraphrase the article:

The US Consumer Price Index leaves out such volatile US Markets as food and energy

There's your answer...

Re:People Never Change

[globalar]

Even on /., you can't escape ignorance. Age is not a cure.

Re:People Never Change

[geekoid]

"But not necessarily more as a percentage of income, as income can (generally does) rise faster than inflation."

not in the last year.
The base payment for all my bills has, mostly, remainfd the same. However, the all except car and house payment, have gotten extra charges added in. via Tax, restucturing tariff, etc. Plus my insurance went up again.

Re:People Never Change

[geekoid]

". I get tired of a place that is supposed to be a type of technical forum being a place where poltical rhetoric and nonsense replaces facts"

if you want to go to a site that doesn't have this king of behaviour, you can go to...ummm...let's seee... no place.

It bugs me too. I dislike GW, but I don't like rhetoric even if it 'supports' my opinion.

The only answer is to grow thicker skin and ignore them.

It must really suck to be poor.

[Real World Stuff]

I likes me some toys. Oh and yeah malda sucks and ex-fent drags her teeth.

hrm...

[xao gypsie]

now, is it that the demand for swans has gone up, or that the supply has gone down?

xao

Re:hrm...

[Anonymous Coward]

RTFA. It's both!

"The low inventory of calling birds and swans this year, combined with a resurgence in demand, has boosted prices."

Re:hrm...

[moehoward]

We're having roast swan AGAIN. We just had it at Thanksgiving.

Tastes like chicken......that poops on itself.

Re:hrm...

[futuramarama]

I hear the geese are a-laying-off staff, so perhaps the swan sector is going the same way...

Re:hrm...

[Anonymous Coward]

"We're having roast swan AGAIN. We just had it at Thanksgiving."

you know your american when...

Re:hrm...

[nchrist13]

actually i heard that there is a new swam cartel in town which is buying up all the naturally produced swams so as to create artificial rarity. now all they need is to put some ads on the television that convince us that to show our love to our soon-to-be/current wives we need to purchase one of these.

Re:hrm...

[gertsenl]

"The low inventory of calling birds and swans this year, combined with a resurgence in demand, has boosted prices - a sign of consumer confidence returning,"

Sorry, pal, classic case of RTFA. Glad to see it's a good indicator of consumer confidence--I'll keep that in mind, to keep a leg up on Wall Street.

Re:hrm...

[eam]

move your right hand right about 1/2 inch. You're hitting 'N' instead of 'M'.

Re:hrm...

[pit_bull]

When you write "your" instead of "you're"...

Sorry, too easy....

Re:hrm...

[WinDoze]

Yeah, but I thought all those promises of "outsourcing to India" were going to result in cheaper geese!

Re:hrm...

[Anonymous Coward]

Sentence fragment!!!

The above is intended as a statement rather than an attempt at a sentence.

Re:hrm...

[Bertie]

Well, here in the land of the Daily Mail (I'd love to give a link, but they don't actually have a website yet, presumably because they've been telling there readers for years that there's nowt on the internet but paedophiles and stalkers), the supply's probably gone down, because Asylum seekers eat them. No, really, they do.

I mean, Christ.

Meanwhile...

[wrinkledshirt]

Theeing as how I'm out of a job and in dethperate need of the money, the prithe for my two front teeth hath never been better.

If that'th thtill all you want for Christmath, let me know.

Re:Meanwhile...

[Anonymous Coward]

"All I want for Xmas is whitey's two front teeth." -- Kwanze Liberation Front

Re:Meanwhile...

[Puppet Master]

I'm unemployed this year too... So instead of gifts, I'm simply sending homemade cards.

"Money's tight, times are hard,
Here's your F*CKING Christmas card!"

LOTR question

[Anonymous Coward]

Should I go to the 12:01am ROTK screening tonight, but next to smelly fat LOTR fans, or wait?

Re:LOTR question

[Anonymous Coward]

Since you are posting this sort of question on Slashdot, chances are that YOU are a smelly fat LOTR fan.

Re:LOTR question

[ryen]

I think you should ask Jared.
(yes i know, way off topic)

Re:LOTR question

[Anonymous Coward]

I would wait if I were you. I was going to go on opening night as well. A packed theater is not worth it. I'm going to wait until Thursday or possibly mid-day Friday.

annual budget

[chloroquine]

So I guess this means that I have to work for three years, without taking into account my budget for food and shelter, to actually give Christmas gifts.

Remind me to get a better job next year.

Re:annual budget

[cfuse]

Give the gift of love, and people think you're cheap. Give them a cheap bit of crap, and they love you for it. Go figure.

Re:annual budget

[keroppi]

cfuse, I think you just found a new sig!

Re:annual budget

[Craig3010]

But get caught screwing their sister and you NEVER hear the end of it...

Re:annual budget

[vasubhat]

What'd u rather? be cheap or be thot of as cheap? figure that.

Re:annual budget

[Anonymous Coward]

They are only being nice: )

Re:annual budget

[cfuse]

Are you kidding? I'm both.

Cost did not go up...

[patricksevenlee]

It wasn't so much the cost that went up as the fact that the US dollar is down this year.

As a Canadian, one US dollar was worth $1.61 CDN in the beginning of this year. Now one US dollar is worth $1.31 CDN. Which means the US dollar this year has dropped about... 18.63%, which is eerily similar to the rise in price for the 12 days of Christmas!

Take this into account, and 2 of the 3 major US stock indices are actually DOWN for the year.

Dow Diamonds (DIA) was ~$87 USD in January and is now ~$101 USD.

But the US dollar then was worth 1.61x the Canadian dollar and is now worth only 1.31x. So from where I stand, the DIA was ~$140 CDN in January and is now $133 CDN.

S&P 500 (SPY) was ~$92 USD in January and is now ~$108 USD.
That makes it $148.12 CDN in January and $141.48 now CDN.

On the other hand, tech stocks are indeed up for the year:

Nasdaq 100 (QQQ) was ~$26 USD in January and is now ~$36 USD.
So that makes it $41.86 CDN in January and $57.96 CDN in December.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[sholden]

Drummers, Pipers, and Dancers are imported?

They made in China or something?

Re:Cost did not go up...

[/dev/trash]

Huh? What does any of that have to do with what a dove costs?

Re:Cost did not go up...

[ADOT Troll]

the ratiod quotient of the numbers you are usually differ by a non-linear factor, so your math is flawed from the beginning. IMO you should pick up an introductory Analysis book, throw in some partial DEs and you will come away with the knowledge fluctuation and change.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[Llyr]

Drummers, Pipers, and Dancers are imported?

Sure they are. The pipers are presumably from Cape Breton (only the best for your true love, I presume), and I wouldn't be surprised if the drummers were as well (if you want them to be able to play with the pipers). Throw in some stepdancers and the change in the US-Canada exchange rate becomes very relevant.

I don't see how this would change the price of swans, though -- unless they're fake swans, really Canada Geese after a bleach job.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[Master Bait]

Now wait just a minute here. Our patriotic American Government reported today that inflation was minus 0.1 percent the past month and that it has risen only 1.1 percent for the whole year. My food, gasoline, heating, rent, clothing and electricity bills attest to an absolute flatline, don't yours? ;-)

Re:Cost did not go up...

[saforrest]

But the US dollar then was worth 1.61x the Canadian dollar and is now worth only 1.31x.

CBC did a story last week on how the Canadian consumer price index has risen by 2% or some such, despite the massive gains in the loonie over the past year.

So, despite the fact that the Canadian dollar is so high (which is of course only because the American dollar is so low), we're paying about the same amount for goods, adjusted for inflation. This despite the fact that most of our consumer goods are imported from the States.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[ppanon]

No, it's seven trumpeter swans and six Canada geese. Trumpeter swans also migrate.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[beaverfever]

This despite the fact that most of our consumer goods are imported from the States.

Huh?

You should look at the labels of more of the product you buy - even if the headquarters of the companies which "make" the things you own are in the US, most of the stuff they sell is made elsewhere. The US dollar wouldn't figure into play to any great extent. The US is Canada's biggest trading partner by far, but as far as strictly manufactured goods go, well, I'd like to see some numbers about where those are coming from.

Also, even with Canada's increased buying power, Canadian companies which sell in the US market (and there are a LOT of them) are sufferering heavily because of the exchange rate - they have to make up their funds somewhere, and so they look to home.

For a long time Canadians were wont to complain about the value of the dollar, and Americans would make fun of them for it too, but the value is irrelevant - it is important that it is stable, and so the two markets will find a natural balance. It's unfortunate that the Canadian dollar was valued so lowly for so long through the 90s/2000 (despite a charging economy - another thing canadians like to complain about - no matter how strong the economy, things are always bad) as much of the strength of the US dollar was based on imaginary business strength in the dot com area and Magical Accounting in giant american corporations. When the US dollar came back to earth, many canadians who rely on exports suffered because of it.

As an off-topic aside, but back to the manufacturing angle, now that I live in an exotic third-world country I'm learning just how heavy US and Canadian tariffs are on foreign (asian) goods. One example is the friend of mine who recently bought a brand new, fully loaded car from Honda and paid half of what it would cost in the US. Part of the savings is related to lower overhead here, but that percentage is surely a small part of the whole. This raises the question of how the level of trade is measured - if it is strictly in pre-tariff dollars, then it would not be an accurate measure of how much materiel Canada imports from outside north america, and would lead me to question the US's position as Canada's biggest trading partner.

Re:Cost did not go up...

[Anonymous Coward]

European or African?

sad news - light the grill

[Anonymous Coward]

I just heard some sad news on talk radio - famous marine mammal Keiko was found dead in his fjord this morning. There weren't any more details. I'm sure everyone in the Slashdot community will miss him - even if you didn't enjoy his work, there's no denying his contributions to popular culture. Truly an American icon.

Oh - and the Norwegian "secret ceremony" involved tartar sauce.

PNC

[after]

PNC baught Nine Ladies Dancing.
These ``Ladies'' you speek of, are 3d?
PNC Bank is like that.

Skilled labor

[tcopeland]

"Whereas in the mid-1980s the cost of the goods in the song dominated the Index, the trend over time has been toward lower goods prices, such as the pear tree, and higher prices for skilled labor, such as the pipers," [Jeff Kleintop] said.

Pipers? Does this count?

Bah, Humbug.

[Catharz]

No cost increase for me.

--Scrooge

Few Questions

[OverlordQ]

One Partridge in a Pear Tree

Is this just a normal tree? Or do I get one of those fancy foreign Pear Trees?

Two Turtle Doves

Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas

Three French Hens

You want me to PAY for these!?

Four Calling Birds

What types of birds are we talking here? Some piegons or doves or what?

Five Gold Rings

How many carats? Are they Rings of Power?

Six Geese-a-Laying

How many eggs a day is this?

Seven Swans-a-Swimming

Does the kiddie pool for them to swim in come with it? Or is that an optional extra?

Eight Maids-a-Milking

Now I'm assuming the cows come with it, again is the cost of manure removal included? How about feed?

Nine Ladies Dancing

Are these like Twi'lek dancers? Or the girls of Jenni Craig?

10 Lords-a-Leaping

Wait . . I though Queer Eye only had 5 guys on it?

11 Pipers Piping

So, if I buy these can I like shoot them as soon as they piss me off?

12 Drummers Drumming

Same goes for these guys too.

Re:Few Questions

[pixelgeek]

-- Three French Hens

Aren't they Freedom Hens now?

Re:Few Questions

[DrEldarion]

Three French Hens

I wonder if we can skimp and settle for cornish hens.

Re:Few Questions

[marnanel]

10 Lords-a-Leaping

Wait . . I though Queer Eye only had 5 guys on it?

Hey, if the British government gets its way, there'll be quite a few lords with time on their hands.

Re:Few Questions

[mesach]

Two Turtle Doves
Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas

Well if you have a male and a female... Breed them, use the money from selling them next year to offset the cost of inflation for the list again that year.

Besides with all the other birds you have around you might be able to get your property declared a sanctuary and get government assistance, or at least a tax write off.

Re:Few Questions

[ncc74656]

Two Turtle Doves

Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas

If they breed, at least it'd save you the expense of buying them again next year. You could go into business and sell them off...it'd defray the cost of the other stuff.

Three French Hens

You want me to PAY for these!?

I'm boycotting french stuff, so they're right out...domestic hens would be a good substitute.

Re:Few Questions

[mph]

Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas

Don't think of it as 50 little doves. Think of it as 25 tiny omelettes.

Re:Few Questions

[umofomia]

Eight Maids-a-Milking

Now I'm assuming the cows come with it, again is the cost of manure removal included? How about feed?

Who said they had to be milking cows? ;)

Re:Few Questions

[Anonymous Coward]

They may be. But you can bet they wouldn't be so expensive if Bush weren't president. Damn, he's fucked the economy.

Re:Few Questions

[gauss1855]

Well what should they be doing to the cows? ;-)

Re:Few Questions

[jagapen]

Freedom hens, Freedom fries, Freedom toast...
I think I want to go live in Freedom.

Re:Few Questions

[Anonymous Coward]

Four Calling Birds

What types of birds are we talking here? Some piegons or doves or what?

Calling pheasants, actually. Randy males calling to attract females.

Re:Few Questions

[CaptainBaz]

Or Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Hens :)

Re:Few Questions

[Anonymous Coward]

Nine Ladies Dancing

Are these like Twi'lek dancers? Or the girls of Jenni Craig?

You must be under-age. You've never been to a strip-club, have you? Nine (lap-)dancing ladies is the best Christmas present in the world!

Don't touch em though, against the rules. You got the 8 maids-a-milking for that.

Re:Few Questions

[bigdavex]

Four Calling Birds

What types of birds are we talking here? Some piegons or doves or what?

Furthermore:

African or European?

Re:Few Questions

[zorcon]

Actually the Queer Eye guys would be '10 Queens-A-Prancing'

Re:Few Questions

[martyros]

My landlord this summer used to say, "I want a freedom kiss from a freedom girl!"

Re:Few Questions

[tgrigsby]

According to the editor in chief of Mental Floss magazine who was on CNN about an hour ago, calling birds are actually crows, and the golden rings refers to another type of bird, a golden ringed pheasant or some such. So if you trace those back to their original meaning, the price goes *way* down.

What this does not take into account.

[mcc]

Unfortunately this study does not take into effect the TCO (Total Cost of Ownership) of the 12 Days of Christmas items. This makes it infeasible for an actual guide in gift giving.

For example, the geese and other birds must be fed. The dancing ladies must be paid at least the minimum wage for your state, or under some circumstances tips. And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.

Happy holidays!

Re:What this does not take into account.

[ADOT Troll]

I agree completely with this post.

And contrawise to the other posts beliefs regarding the (admittedly short-sighted) views of compensational inflation, the value will be much greater.

Happy holidays everyone!

Re:What this does not take into account.

[grasshoppa]

And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.

Whoa, check this out:

And the MS products were wrought by the hand of the Dark Bill Gates, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.

Freaky how two minor changes will make this a true statement.

Re:What this does not take into account.

[kabocox]

And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.

Just like Credit Cards!

Re:What this does not take into account.

[Frank T. Lofaro Jr.]

extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master

Sounds sort of like Windows.

How much was the beer...in a tree?

[Anonymous Coward]

Gotta be less than $60,000 or so.

Wrong again

[Anonymous Coward]

The WMD were a sham. The War in Iraq was, in fact, simply about the 12 Days of Christmas.

NO BLOOD FOR PARTRIDGES IN PEAR TREES!

Re:Wrong again

[Anonymous Coward]

You insensitive bastard.

If I ever catch you, _you_ are gonna be the one who has to snarf popcorn through his nose.

um... except you won't be laughing when you do it... like I was.... you bastard.

Re:Wrong again

[the argonaut]

-1 Offtopic? Dude, where can I get some of what the mods are smoking, because they're either high or not bothering to read the whole post. This was fucking HILARIOUS. Even the most unthinking dittohead should be able to see the humor in it.

Wow.

[nertz_oi]

Nine Ladies Dancing: 4,230.89

I can just imagine how they found out that price.

Mngmt: umm..$4230 bill from a place called the "Beef Barn?"
Researcher: I swear boss, it was research!

seriously though, $470 just to get a girl to dance? I know some top notch places that'll get you a beer AND a dance for $15 ;)

Re:Wow.

[SEE]

Thems ain't no ladies, bub.

Re:Wow.

[Lord Barrabas]

Actually, a total of 36 Dancing Ladies are given, as all previous gifts are given again on subsequent days. So another 9 ladies on days 9, 10, 11 and 12.

So each Dancing Lady costs $120 odd.

Re:Wow.

[Anonymous Coward]

with the dark, blacklit lights at most strip clubs + enough beer, it doesn't matter.

Re:Wow.

[pentalive]

>> I know some top notch places that'll get you a beer AND a dance for $15 ;)

They said Ladies... :^)

Re:Wow.

[Excen]

Actually, a total of 36 Dancing Ladies are given, as all previous gifts are given again on subsequent days. So another 9 ladies on days 9, 10, 11 and 12

Regardless, $120 is far too much to pay for a lapdance.

Re:Wow.

[Anonymous Coward]

You're wrong. They only count the recurrences in the "true cost." Everything else is for the item as sung in the song. You will notice that when you sum each of the 12 different gifts, you will get a little more than $16000.

Re:Wow.

[euxneks]

The question is whether those women are "ladies". Big difference I think..

Re:Wow.

[squaretorus]

Last year Tony Hawkes the British Comedian actually gave his girlfriend the 12 days of Christmas for christmas.

I forget how much it cost - it was broadcast as a Radio 4 pre Christmas show.

ANYWAY - he used actual Lords and Ladies with ligislative power from the House of Lords. He bribed them with mince pies as I remember.
Very funny if you can dig it out - which I cant be bothered to do this close to CHristmas.

Re:Wow.

[calyphus]

9 dancers X 4 days = 36 dancers
4,230.89 / 36 = 117.52 ea. (definitely union)

Re:Wow.

[Anonymous Coward]

At a place called the "Beef Barn", those definitely are not ladies. I don't think they are even female.

If you were researching lords a leaping, now that is a whole other story.

Re:Wow.

[gbjbaanb]

The problem is the spelling of his name...

anyway, here it is, though some of his choices were a little bit .. different. I have to agree with his interpretation of The Swans though :)

Tony Hawk's 12 Days of Christmas

Re:Wow.

[merlin_jim]

seriously though, $470 just to get a girl to dance? I know some top notch places that'll get you a beer AND a dance for $15 ;)

I would assume it's an all day dance; that's the only realistic way to price the services based on the text of the song. (and good thing for the total cost of christmas index that they're at the end!!!)

Re:Wow.

[ivanmarsh]

This also doesn't take into account the cost of a cabret license.

Re:Wow.

[geekoid]

I think you mis-used 'Top-Notch'. the word you where looking for is 'dive'.

I have been to top notch clubs. lap dances start at 100 bucks.... bring a towel.

Definition of terms

[hurtstotouchfire]

Yea, I'd love to get exactly what all those things are. The eight maids-a-milking, I suppose that doesn't include the price of the cow ($41 traditional, yeah right) but just the labor. Is that a couple hours? One would think it ought to be like a 9 to 5 for the day that you get them.

And dang those pipers are expensive! I guess they use the same number of hours for each person who's doing some action (dancing, leaping, milking or piping.)

That'd make the pay per person ratio come out thusly:
milkmaids - 5.15
drummers - 178.97
pipers - 180.22
lords - 392.14
ladies - 470.10

Now, perhaps some of them charge by the job, but this is in terms of effective hourly rates. There's no way we can tell if the maids just milk one cow and the lords dance all day.

Re:Definition of terms

[dnahelix]

Yes, Eight Maids-a-Milkin' for $41.20 seems very cheap. If you get them thru an agency, you'll have to pay for the whole day. They aren't going to send out Eight maids (trained in milking cows, no less) for just one hour. Maybe there's an automatic milking machine robot called 'Milkin' Maid' or something that you can rent for cheap.
At first this seemed interesting, but now it's stupid.

internet pricing

[barista]

That Internet pricing seems high. I wonder if they shopped around. Maybe they shoulda checked Ebay or Half.com.

OTOH, I guess it is kinda hard to ship lords a' leaping, etc., FedEx. Can they fly coach, or maybe a discount airline?

How much for the digital rip on P2P?

[NotQuiteReal]

... I'd say about what it is worth. :-)

Expensive dancers

[splaytree]

Nine ladies dancing for $4,230.89? Where are they from, the Spearmint Rhino?

But what about down south?

[WeblionX]

But what I want to know is how much the Redneck Twelve days of Christmas would cost. $263.95, perhaps?

Re:But what about down south?

[rock_climbing_guy]

twelve pack o bud
leven raslin tickets
tin of copenhagen
nine year's probation
eight table dancers
seven pack o redman
six cans o spam
five flannel shirts
four mud tires
three shotgun sheels
two huntin dogs
and some parts to a mustang gt

Questions about the song...

[mewyn]

I've always wondered about the "12 Days of Christmas" song, and if it meant that you get just that gift for that day, and the chorous was tallying up the earnings, or if the singer got the gift again, i.e. on the second day you would have recived your second partridge and pear tree combo along with your two turtle doves.

If this is the case you'd get 12 partridges in pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 french hens, 36 calling birds, 40 gold rings, 42 geese-a-laying, 40 maids-a-milking, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords-a-leaping, 22 pipers piping, and 12 drummers drumming in all. That's one heck of a bounty! :)

Mewyn Dy'ner

Re:Questions about the song...

[zambuka]

12 partridges in pear trees, 22 turtle doves, 30 french hens, 36 calling birds, 40 gold rings, 42 geese-a-laying, 40 maids-a-milking, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords-a-leaping, 22 pipers piping, and 12 drummers drumming in all. That's one heck of a bounty! :)

But won't the neighbours complain about the noise?

Re:Questions about the song...

[lurker412]

If you listen to the Flash feature on the page (yeah, politically incorrect here) you will learn that they are assuming that the gifts repeat on successive days. Hence the huge cumulative price.

Re:Questions about the song...

[Wakkow]

If you watch the flash presentation (or read the article closely), they mention this:

"The price tag for the 364 items this holiday season is $65,264, up from 2002's true cost of $54,951."

Their total number of items is higher than yours, but I'm too lazy to see if you're wrong or they are. ;)

Re:Questions about the song...

[patches]

If you watch the flash presentation (or read the article closely), they mention this:

"The price tag for the 364 items this holiday season is $65,264, up from 2002's true cost of $54,951."

Their total number of items is higher than yours, but I'm too lazy to see if you're wrong or they are. ;)


His number cound is lower because he missed a day, he only had 11 gifts listed....

Re:Questions about the song...

[patches]

Here is my count, I am still higher then the 364 listed though....

12 partridges
12 pear trees
22 turtle doves
30 french hens
36 calling birds
40 golden rings
42 geese
42 swans
40 maids
36 ladies
30 lords
22 pipers
12 drummers
-----------
376 total

Re:Questions about the song...

[BornInASmallTown]

Your total of 376 is higher because they are counting "a partridge in a pear tree" as one gift, whereas you are counting it as two. So, they have 364. The difference between their number and yours is the 12 pear trees.

highly inflated

[fermion]

Nine Ladies Dancing
10 Lords-a-Leaping
11 Pipers Piping
12 Drummers Drumming

So they are claiming that with unemployment still up, and orchestras laying off employess or going under due to lack of donations, the cost of talent is up this year. It seems like semi-pro musician and dancers could be hard for $100 a piece.

And what is it with the birds. I see them for sale along the freeway all the time for next to nothing. And a pear tree? Those are everywhere. Go and dig one up. I mean they are just trees.

It's christmas. We have no money. Be creative

And, btw, where are they shipping to? Longyearbyen to Cape Horn.

Re:highly inflated

[Anonymous Coward]

It seems like semi-pro musician and dancers could be hard for $100 a piece.

That's only legal in Vegas.

Re:highly inflated

[term8or]

Nine Ladies Dancing
10 Lords-a-Leaping
11 Pipers Piping
12 Drummers Drumming


personally, I think we should outsource these roles to India for the price of an big mac...
Problem Solved!

Re:highly inflated

[calyphus]

And a pear tree?

The pear trees were actually on sale. Watch the Flash.

Re:highly inflated

[wibald]

Remember that if the recipient resides anywhere near Times Square those musicians and dancers will have to be paid union scale.

Re:highly inflated

[mph]

It seems like semi-pro musician and dancers could be hard for $100 a piece.

Well, it's the dancers' job to get the musicians hard. Getting the dancers hard is a whole different kettle of fish.

Re:highly inflated

[ebuck]

They must be using 3 carat gold :)

Uh...

[gid13]

Gee, do ya think maybe the American dollar is down due to George W's ridiculous economic policies?

Even my housemate last year (a Pakistani who lived in Saudi Arabia for 10 years then went to high school in the U.S., an econ student, and the most Republican person I know) criticizes Bush's economic decisions, although he goes out of his way to praise him for everything else.

Dammit, this was about Christmas. Now look what's happened.

Re:Uh...

[ncc74656]

Gee, do ya think maybe the American dollar is down due to George W's ridiculous economic policies?

Those wouldn't be the same "ridiculous" economic policies that led to last quarter's ~9% annualized economic growth (best in nearly 20 years), would they? Ordinary people have more money in their pockets now, and they're starting to spend a bit now that we've managed to go more than two years without another 9/11.

Dammit, this was about Christmas. Now look what's happened.

I didn't bring politics into this discussion, but that won't stop me from calling bullsh*t on other people's specious claims.

Re:Uh...

[AKAImBatman]

Gee, do ya think maybe the American dollar is down due to George W's ridiculous economic policies?


Yes, actually. A lower dollar allows for cheaper exports and more expensive imports. What does that mean? It means encouragement for the domestic job market and industry. It's generally the correct thing to do when a recession is forced upon you by an event such as 9/11. That being said, the war actually improved the economy and the market, so don't try to blame the situation on that either.

Re:Uh...

[Anonymous Coward]

How many years did you go before 2001 without a 9/11?

Re:Uh...

[prisoner-of-enigma]

Ridiculous economic policies? I suppose you haven't heard a damn thing about the economy growing 7% last quarter, and that it grew around 6% the quarter prior? I also don't suppose you've heard anything about unemployement claims falling, or employment rising? And I'm sure you've never heard anything at all about corporate and individual spending being up significantly this year?

Yessirree, it's all bad news isn't it? Must be all those wacky policies Dubya put into place.

Y'know, if it weren't for the fact that you're likely a Democrat or a liberal (usually one and the same), you'd be happy about things. Alas, since it means you'll likely have to put up with another four years of Dubya, you're positively despondent because things are looking up for the U.S. Why be happy that the nation is doing better when it means you can't get your own political way?

for everything else...

[Anonymous Coward]

Eight maids-a-milking... $41.20
Eight minutes of a maid milking you... priceless!

Re:for everything else...

[Channard]

Eight minutes of a maid milking you... priceless!

Or maybe someone just accidentally wandered into the mother and child room of the local store during a mass breastfeeding.

Could Somebody Tell Me

[geekychic]

...how this is /. material? There's a reason I've eschewed from those econ classes...

There are several business models here:

[SkiingOnMars]

The first is for vendors of: Partridges, Pear Trees, Turtle Doves, French Hens, Geese-a-Laying, Swans, Maids-a-Milking, Ladies Dancing, or Lords-a-Leaping

1) buy the above items from your "Traditional" store
2) sell them on the "Internet"
3) PROFIT!!!

The second is for vendors of: Calling Birds, Gold Rings, Pipers Piping, or Drummers Drumming.

1) buy Gold rings on the "Internet". Download anti-RIAA sound clips of birds, pipes, and drummers, and burn to a CD.
2) sell them in a "Traditional" store
3) PROFIT!!

Another business model comes to mind:

1) Get job at bank
2) Convince boss to use silly Christmas-themed ploy to get company in the newsmedia...
3) PROFIT!!

supply down

[Catskul]

Im thinking the supply is down.
I ate my swans last year.

Great Marketing?

[$ASANY]

If my bank spent the fees they collected from me trying to price out the cost of leaping lords and laying swans and whatnot, I'd want to take a dump right in the middle of their lobby as I walked out after closing my accounts. Is this how they justify their myriad fees? "We need to charge an extra $.50 per ATM transaction and money order so we can tell you how expensive it is to rent or purchase leaping lords..."

Yeah, I really want to give my business to these wackjobs. But I suppose employing accountants to figure this data out helps the economy in some small way...

Re:Great Marketing?

[Vegeta99]

Wow, I'd hate to see the look on your face when you found out they had a christmas party.

It's a joke, and it probably took then 10 minutes to whip up, buddy. Get a sense of humor.

Re:Great Marketing?

[Anonymous Coward]

I used to work at PNC...I wouldn't count on a Christmas party...

Why not shop around?

[Hektor_Troy]

Combine the best prices. That way you end up with:

One Partridge in a Pear Tree $77.50 (Regular)
Partridge 15.00 (Regular)
Pear Tree 62.50 (Regular)
Two Turtle Doves 58.00 (Regular)
Three French Hens 15.00 (Regular)
Four Calling Birds 330.00 (Internet)
Five Gold Rings 183.75 (Internet)
Six Geese-a-Laying 150.00 (Regular)
Seven Swans-a-Swimming 3,500.00 (Regular)
Eight Maids-a-Milking 41.20 (Regular)
Nine Ladies Dancing 4,230.89 (Regular)
10 Lords-a-Leaping 3,921.44 (Regular)
11 Pipers Piping 1,600.00 (Internet)
12 Drummers Drumming 687.50 (Internet)

For a grand total of $14,872.28, which is $2,013 less than their estimate. Well worth the effort.

Re:Why not shop around?

[Wakkow]

"Eight Maids-a-Milking 41.20 (Regular)"

$5.15 for a maid? Dang, I want to know where to buy 'em from..

"12 Drummers Drumming 687.50 (Internet)"

Internet?! Does that include overnight shipping?

Impending Price Fluctuation

[Westacular]

from the five-precioussss-golden-rings dept.

Well, it's almost 11:30pm Tuesday (EST) now, so I'd say in about two hours the price of these rumored "other" four rings is going to skyrocket. Did they include that in the study? :)

Great way to save this year!

[Johnathon_Dough]

Instead of the twelve days of christmas, I am getting my parents the little drummer boy!

2,147.60/12=178.97

A veritable bargain AND as an added bonus, the song does not drive me nuts!

rum-pa-pa-pum!

Um...nice theory but wrong

[KalvinB]

If you actually look at the prices they aren't consistantly up. Most are unchanged. The ones that changed drastically are the price of birds and pear trees must have had a good season since the price is way down. Swans are far more expensive, calling birds are more expensive. And drummers and pipers which are probably getting rarer by the year.

It has little to no relation to the dollar. Unless we're getting those birds, pipers and drummers from Canada. More likely is that those items were a hot item last time the price list came out so they raised the prices this year.

The gold rings are less expensive most likely from the fluctuation of the price of gold.

Ben

Re:Um...nice theory but wrong

[Fjornir]

The gold rings are less expensive most likely from the fluctuation of the price of gold.

Actually, gold is up slightly. The index attributes the fall in the price of rings to changes in fashion. The plain band which the index tracks (and was favored 20 years ago when the index was started) has fallen due to the rising popularity of more ornate rings, and those with settings.

Re:Um...nice theory but wrong

[arodland]

By which you mean, the 22% increase in the dollar price of gold since this time last year?

What.. no raise?

[deadgoon42]

Those Maids-a-Milking didn't even get a cost of living raise. Things must be tough in the Dairy industry.

Gnome Labor

[cwolfsheep]

Maybe we can hire gnomes for the job.

Wait: he lost his.

Damn.

Not realistic

[VampireByte]

Most of this could be outsourced to India.

Re:Not realistic

[calyphus]

It's already outsourced to China, is India cheaper?

Five golden rings for $361.25?

[m0nkyman]

As a jeweller, I'd like to know how they did that! At 72.25 each, that's dirt cheap. I know that they cost me more than that wholesale. Let's see... assume three pennyweights per ring(20dwt=1 Oz)...at 406.50/oz, that's 60.98 dollars each for the gold bought as 24K bullion. by the time it's refined to 18K sheet, and made into a ring, assume it's double the price. call it $122. That leaves no room for the retailer to make a profit.

I know it's a joke, but it would be funnier if it was accurate

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[lux55]

I think this part of the page clarifies that each price is for a single item (ie. only one ring, not all five):

As part of its annual tradition, PNC Advisors also tabulates the "true cost of Christmas," which is the total cost of all of the items in the famous carol, including all of the repetitions.

So hopefully the jewellers have some room for profit in those numbers!

Happy holidays!

Lux

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[m0nkyman]

Ixnay my friend. If you do the math, you'll find that the repetitions mean that on each day the true love of the singer gave a partridge in a pear tree, and added the extra on top of it. That means a total of 12 partridges in pear trees. That is the repetition. No profit margin there. There's fourty golden rings sold at a loss.

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[ppanon]

They said golden, not gold, so at the least they are plated. they may even be a brass alloy mixed to look like gold.

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[Elanor]

Surely turning 24K into 18K is the opposite of refining? How much is prefab 9K?

Here, look, two gold rings for $50

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[87C751]

I know it's a joke, but it would be funnier if it was accurate

They're "golden" rings, not gold rings. You know, like the "Golden Dollar"?

1. Make rings out of pot metal.
2. Apply cheesy chromate finish.
3. PROFIT!!

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[woods]

It's $361.25 per ring.

The itemized prices in the columns are for the single items. That's whay the "true cost of Christmas in song" ($65,264.28) is so much higher than the "total Christmas price index" ($16,885.28), which is the sum of the single items that you see.

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[superflippy]

My wedding ring is gold, and didn't cost anywhere near that much. For a plain gold band it was about $50 (don't remember exactly, that was 3 years ago) at the mall jewelry store. My husband's ring, being larger and thicker, was closer to $200, but still a great deal less than $361.

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[Anonymous Coward]

tell Lara I said hi!!!! :*)

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[Anonymous Coward]

Eh? My 14k wedding band was only $50 or so...

Plus you're calculating incorrectly anyway ($361.25 each ).

And you're also assuming solid 24k gold rather than "golden" rings.

How's that foot taste?

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[m0nkyman]

Pull out a calculator. Add up the columns. Remove foot from your mouth. It *is* 361.25 for five rings.

twit.

Re:Five golden rings for $361.25?

[tsm_sf]

Cursory research shows that versions of the 12 days of Christmas exist that mention gold and golden rings. Looks like the price could go either way.

And since we have at least one /. reader that's a jeweller, anyone want to comment on what percentage of gold is required(or at least commonly used) to make and advertise a ring as being 'gold'?

Bitching

[dolo666]

So your bitching is a great use of a technical forum? In case you didn't RTFA yourself, you would have seen that this is supposed to be a fun Christmas story, not a technical one. Lighten up.

Swans cost 66.7 percent up from last year...

[Anonymous Coward]

Dubya's fault, I'm sure!

Re:Swans cost 66.7 percent up from last year...

[Anonymous Coward]

Modded -1.

Socialists have NO sense of humor!

not appropriate topic for /.

[Anonymous Coward]

go away

They got ripped...

[ISPTech]

Someone needs to tell them you can get most of that stuff on Ebay for like 1/10th the cost of what they got.

Online Shopping

[Psychic Burrito]

Hm... nice study.

But if somebody manages to create a list of links where every of the 12 items can be bought in a classic webshop, now that would be something :-)

Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[dan.hunt]

According to this site. "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is interesting because, while it seems whimsical, many believe the song was written in England as a catechism song to help young Catholics learn the tenets of their faith during the period when it was a crime to be a Catholic and Catholics were prohibited from practicing any aspect of their faith even in private. The song's gifts originally were hidden references to the teachings of the Catholic faith. The two turtle doves signified the Old and New Testaments, the eight maids a-milking are the Beatitudes and the 10 lords a-leaping the 10 Commandments.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[Principal Skinner]

Yes, I can see how having a song using all the numbers from one to twelve would help me remember the tenets (hey, at least you spelled it right) of my faith. "Jimmy, how many commandments are there?" "Hmmm... commandments... lords a-leaping... 10, ma'am!"

But amazingly, Snopes disagrees.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[wcbarksdale]

And according to this site, that's complete bunk.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[dvdeug]

The song's gifts originally were hidden references to the teachings of the Catholic faith. The two turtle doves signified the Old and New Testaments, the eight maids a-milking are the Beatitudes and the 10 lords a-leaping the 10 Commandments.

As far as I know, Protestants never forgot the Old and New Testaments, the Beatitudes or the 10 Commandments. All could be taught by Catholics openly without ever admitting they were Catholic. So why the song?

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[superyooser]

That doesn't make any sense. Here is a complete list of the 12 symbols with their meanings:

1. Partridge in a pear tree = The One true God revealed in the person of Jesus Christ
2. Turtle Doves = The Old and New Testaments
3. French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity
4. Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5. Golden Rings = The first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch" which contain the law condemning us of our sins.
6. Geese A-laying = the six days of Creation
7. Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments of the Catholic faith
8. Maids A-milking = the eight Beatitudes
9. Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Spirit
10. Lords A-leaping = the Ten Commandments
11. Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12. Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

None of those beliefs is particular to Roman Catholicism. The Anglican Church and all other major Protestant denominations embrace every single one of the doctrines supposedly related to the song. And tell me how in the world Ten Lords A-leaping was supposed to help people remember the Ten Commandments. The imagery is just silly.

Efforts have been made to bridge the symbols to the doctrines they supposedly represent. Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists. You can easily deduce the explanation for this one. The calling birds are spreading the Gospel; they are telling the Good News to others. The problem is that in the original song, there were no calling birds. The song began as a French song. The fourth day was about 'houiller birds. Houiller, pronounced sort of like "colly," (I think the first consonant is a gutteral sound) is the word for coal used as an adjective. In this context, it means "black as coal." They were black birds, not calling birds.

Now, how do you explain the connection? And when in history were French Catholics being repressed by the Anglican Church so that they would have made this song?

There are many sites like this one that debunk this urban legend. See Snopes also.

When we Christians hold on to legends like this, it only serves to discredit everything else we claim to be true, including the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Catholics, please stop spreading rumors! Where is your source? You have none. It is true that Christians used to celebrate Christmas for the twelve days from Advent to Epiphany, but there is no evidence of religious doctrine being embedded in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" or of a connection to Protestant banning of Catholicism.

Preemptive strike on trolls: Yes, I know that Jesus wasn't born on Dec. 25, pagan influences, yadda yadda, etc, but tradition and doctrine are not the same thing. The bottom line is that we don't (shouldn't) claim something to be true that isn't, and we disavow the evil sources that have affected our traditions.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[agentforsythe]

"When we Christians hold on to legends like this.." - how about holding onto that silly god-myth?

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[dan.hunt]

Aarrrrg, I have been tricked by a urban legend? It bothers me when I get burn't.Thanks for pointing that out.

As far as I know however, the stranger the image the easier it is to remember something. The mental assosiation trick: One=Run, Two=Shoe, Three=Tree, Four=Door, works by connecting things in a odd way.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[FurryFeet]

Maybe you should check Snopes. The first part of your message is complete bunk. The song is just a lighthearted, nonsensical lyric to a jolly tune.
Cheers.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[infinite9]

The fourth day was about 'houiller birds. Houiller, pronounced sort of like "colly,"

While I'm not familiar with this french word, I do speak fairly good french.

In french, the letter H, especially at the beginning of the word, is silent. It only serves to disrupt liason which is the tentancy to blend the sounds of words together. For example, "the trees" would be "les abres" with the S in "les" pronouced like the letter Z and attached to the A in abres. It would sound more like one word pronounced lezabres. But with "les haricots verts" or green beans, the H in haricots would stop the blending with the previous word "les". The Z sound vanishes. The H is still silent.

Next, in french, the double L is usually pronounced as a Y. And the trailing R is not pronounced either but modifies the preceding E to sound like it has an accent. All this means that I would pronouce this word (remember that I don't know this specific word) as something like u-ee-ye. That would be U as in soup, EE as in bee, and YE as in yet.

Oddly, this looks like an ER verb though, not an adjective. Also, french doesn't have a gutteral sound.

Perhaps this word is really dutch? Or maybe it's a french word that's been adopted by old english and adjusted to match gutteral sounds that used to exist in english.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[superyooser]

I was afraid I wasn't completely correct about that. Since I don't know a lot of French, I had to do some detective work.

Here's where this all began. The Snopes piece reads:

For example, the fourth day's gift is four "colly birds," not four "calling birds." (The word "colly" literally means "black as coal," and thus "colly birds" would be blackbirds.)

I checked some French dictionaries and couldn't find any French word spelled "colly" or anything close to it. Houiller was the closest thing I could find that made sense. Is Snopes wrong? Maybe colly is a Medieval word that's no longer in modern dictionaries.

My misjudgment is due to that fact that I've been studying Hebrew, in which words that begin with h (transliterated) are sometimes pronounced with a gutteral sound. That's why you see both Chanuka and Hanukah. Neither is perfectly correct.

The French dictionary had a ' before the word. Was it an apostrophe, some kind of accent I'm not familiar with, or a typo? The ' can be a transliteration of a Hebrew letter that has a gutteral sound. I thought French might have the same thing. I forgot that the h in French is silent. I was mixed up.

Also, french doesn't have a gutteral sound.

French does have sort of a gutteral-sounding r though (as does Hebrew). Unfortunately, that's not exactly the sound I was thinking of. It's a lighter sound produced more in the back of the throat. And it's not the right letter either. :-)

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[infinite9]

French does have sort of a gutteral-sounding r though (as does Hebrew).

ah, you're right. I forgot about that one. I guess it could be sort of gutteral. I have brain damage now from studying french that makes me not think of it that way. :-)

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[Dirtside]

The bottom line is that we don't (shouldn't) claim something to be true that isn't

So it's not okay to claim as true something which is demonstrably false -- but it IS okay to claim as true something which can never be proved true or false. Why?

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[superyooser]

I assume you are referring to the existence of God. To me and to most other Earthlings, He is simply axiomatic. His very name in Hebrew essentially means "I am that I am, and I cause what is."

The evidence that God exists is that anything exists at all. Nothing could exist without Him. I can't make sense of existence itself without believing in the God who created all things and makes sentient, soulful beings out of inanimate matter. I don't have enough faith to believe in utter meaninglessness and purposelessness of life and the universe. I see great meaning and purpose in the events of history, whether turbulent or pleasant.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[Dirtside]

The evidence that God exists is that anything exists at all. Nothing could exist without Him.

This is circular logic; you're assuming the conclusion. Basically, you're saying that the only way the world can exist is if God exists, therefore, God must exist. The problem is that your assumption is not based on any evidence; it is pure supposition. I sure hope you don't use this kind of logic in your other affairs.

I can't make sense of existence itself without believing in the God who created all things and makes sentient, soulful beings out of inanimate matter. I don't have enough faith to believe in utter meaninglessness and purposelessness of life and the universe. I see great meaning and purpose in the events of history, whether turbulent or pleasant.

So because you're incapable of comprehending a universe that doesn't contain a God, and therefore, God must exist? Well, how about this for logic: I am capable of comprehending a universe that doesn't contain a God, and therefore, God cannot exist. Which of us is right? (Before you waste time, the answer is, neither of us is right: God's existence must be taken purely on faith. There, by definition, cannot be evidence for or against his existence. And unless there's evidence for something, why would you believe it exists?)

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[geekoid]

so your taking the word of someone on the internet, who got their information from...the internet.

I think P.T Barnum is holding on line 1 for you.

There are many, MANY, many, thing todaty that people do, or sing, or say that will make no sense with hind sight in 100 years. to apply the 'logic' based on todays knowledge to somethng that old is folly.

For all I know, this guy was write, but I sure won't take his word for it.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[geekoid]

Eventually, we all know, for a fact, whether or not God exists.

I would say your incapable of comprehending a universe with God.

I would wager there are a great many thing you believe exist, which you can't prove.

That said, I don't really think belief in God is a neccessary component for getting into Heaven.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[Dirtside]

Eventually, we all know, for a fact, whether or not God exists.

Not quite. If God doesn't exist, we never find out, because we die, and we're dead, and incapable of knowing anything.

I would say your incapable of comprehending a universe with God.

Demonstrably false. I believed in God until I was 13. Did I somehow magically lose the ability to comprehend a universe with a God as I got older? No. I'm quite capable of comprehending a universe with a God, but like any fully rational person, I refuse to accept the existence of something without sufficient evidence.

I would wager there are a great many thing you believe exist, which you can't prove.

No, there really isn't anything I believe in that could never be proven. If you think I'm wrong (and I'm positive that you do), please name them, because I've scoured my memory and am coming up blank.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[superyooser]

This is circular logic; you're assuming the conclusion.

I reiterate: God is axiomatic.

adj 1: evident without proof or argument; "an axiomatic truth"; "we hold these truths to be self-evident" [syn: self-evident, taken for granted]

Yes, I assume conclusions that are self-evident without need for intellectual persuasion or empirical proof. And if you're honest with yourself, you'll find that you do too.

We couldn't function in life if we had to prove every belief that governs our decision-making and influences our ranking of priorities and values. Maybe you're not dogmatic about many beliefs (*cough*; BTW, your title is misspelled), but it is impossible not have them in some kind of order of acceptance in your mind. This matrix of beliefs dictates your every decision. You can change your matrix, but you can't opt out. Being atheist or agnostic doesn't mean that you're an independent bystander on the sidelines watching all of religion go by. You have chosen some beliefs either actively or passively, and thus, you have chosen a path for your life and for the direction of your eternal destiny.

Choose wisely, because when your earth suit expires, your being within is going either to a place of everlasting bliss or to a place of everlasting torture, and the window of opportunity to decide will be shut forever. Matt, you are not guaranteed your next breath! The Holy Father above loves you. He is waiting for you with open arms to send His Spirit into your heart, who will give you a joy that no can conceive of while still in rebellious rejection of Him.

You'll never know what's inside a room unless you open the door. I promise you, Matt, you won't regret opening this door. Investigation leads to knowledge, but spiritual things must be sought by spiritual means. Pray -- even if you don't understand who you're praying to. That's understandable; your relationship with God has been dormant since you were born. Immerse yourself in the Bible. Accept and believe the Gospel. Repent of sin. Then, your slate of transgressions and guilt will be wiped clean. Accept the Messiah's ransom for you, and His righteousness will be credited to you on account of your faith! The superabundant love of the Lord God will overwhelm your heart like a cool, invigorating ocean wave, and you will know the goodness and glory of our gracious Prince of Peace! Join the rest of us saved sinners, and we will weep with joy together over your salvation. 8-D

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[AtheismIsGood]

Investigation leads to knowledge, but spiritual things must be sought by spiritual means.

I agree.

[...]Then, your slate of transgressions and guilt will be wiped clean.

[Quoted from here]:
The idea that one is forgiven by the death and resurrection of Jesus is an avenue of mischief. I can do what I want because "Jesus forgives me." I can be a sinner because "Jesus died for my sins." This logic is used on a daily basis by Christians worldwide. They commit the sin and then pray for forgiveness, and under biblical guidelines, they are given it. The Catholics have taken this to a new level with confession. Say a "Hail Mary" and play with your rosary beads and you're forgiven and ready to enter the Pearly Gates again. This idea is immoral in my view and leads to many immoral acts.

Re:Why the fuss over this old Catechism song?

[superyooser]

I agree with your assessment. The focus on confession and acknowledgement of forgiveness (in truth, all sins, past and future, are automatically forgiven upon initial trust in Christ) to the exclusion of other remedial action is bad. Confession is a crucial first step, but it is worthless without repentance thereafter. Repentance is turning away from something. In this context, it is changing your innermost desires to hate what is evil and love what is good. Over and over, God says, "Be holy for I am holy." God doesn't want your crocodile tears of guilt, ultimately, although this can be a spiritually healthy experience for a short time. He has forgiven the Believer of his sin. He wants you to stop sinning.

This idea is immoral in my view and leads to many immoral acts.

This doctrine and tradition taken in isolation, yes. However, the overall Biblical teaching and objective for Christians is to live as righteously as possible. Being forgiven for our moral failures is beneficial so that we don't wallow in guilt our whole lives. By disassociating our past offenses to God from ourselves, we are always free to see ourselves as worthy of pursuing holiness once again. The idea that we can be cleansed from dirty deeds is very liberating. For some people, they feel that this gives them license to do whatever they want, no matter how bad. To others, they feel purified and able to serve God as a clean vessel.

Your gripe is not so much about Christianity as it is about free will. Let's compare to secular amoralism. Going through life without any moral paradigm at all gives total license. You're not just liberated from guilt; since you don't believe in a moral law in the first place, there can be no violations of morality, and thus, no subsequent guilt. At least with Christianity, you have a high bar to aim for -- so high that you can't make it -- which helps you to live the best life possible.

Five golden rings

[euxneks]

To rule them all!!!.. err...

Yes, but who'd want to receive them?

[FsG]

Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes

Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine - Two Turtle Doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes

Dearest John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - Three French Hens! They are just delightful, but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Agnes

Dearest John:
Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds. Now really, you're being too romantic. They are beautiful, but don't you think that enough is enough?
Affectionately,
Agnes

Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered Five Golden Rings - one for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
Love,
Agnes

Dear John:
When I opened the door, there were actually Six Geese-A-Laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes

John:
What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven Swans-A-Swimming! What kind of a goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck - it's not funny. So stop with those fucking birds!
Sincerely,
Agnes

OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 Maids a Milking? It's not enough with all these birds and maids a milking, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.
Just lay off me, smartass!
Agnes

Hey Shithead:
What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine Pipers Piping! And Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me!
You'll get yours!
Agnes

You Rotten Prick!
Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. The cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm siccing the police on you.
One who means it!!
Agnes

Listen Fuckhead:
What's with the Eleven Lords a Leaping on those Maids and Ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows! All 23 birds are dead, they've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you vicious, rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift of the Twelve Drummers Drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All future cor-respondence should be sent to our attention. If you should attempt to contact Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot on sight! With this letter you will find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Bender & Cajole

Re:Yes, but who'd want to receive them?

[Anonymous Coward]

What about the repetitions, though? She should have gotten 12 partridges in pear trees,

Re:Yes, but who'd want to receive them?

[ivanmarsh]

...and a gross of drummers drumming... what a racket! Keep it down out there!

Too much

[Anonymous Coward]

How much is the 12 Days of Christmas "Used"?

Cost Overflows

[Ray Radlein]

We really need to be careful here, because if the cost goes up a mere $271.28 next year, it will reach $65536, and all of the Christmas Index computers which are still using unsigned short integers will crash.

People Never Grow Up

[Anonymous Coward]

and I know I didn't get an 18% raise this year, did you?

Nope. Slightly more than 50%. Mainly attributable to the fact that I spend my time enriching my capabilities, not ineffectually bitching about my politics on the internet.

Could just be a theory, but so far the results are encouraging...

Read the fine print

[usermilk]

Watch out guys... Investments: Not FDIC Insured. No Bank Guarantee. May Lose Value.

Numerology

[manganese4]

So those of you into ancient babylonian religions II believe that is where we got dependence on 12 and 24), any comment on the fact that the total number of items in the song is 364 where as there are 365 days in a year?

Re:Numerology

[Anonymous Coward]

Our school music teacher (a Methodist) pointed this out to us. His theory is that the 365th day is Christmas Day itself and the "gift" for that day is Jesus.

The Babylonian year had only 360 days in it anyway.

Re:Numerology

[Anonymous Coward]

The 365th gift is that you get laid for giving all those wonderful gift ;)

Re:Numerology

[Alphanos]

I don't know about babylonian religions, but 12 is definately a recurring number in the Bible. There were 12 tribes of Israel, 12 Apostles, etc. Off the top of my head, I'd say the most common significant numbers in the Bible are 1, 3, 7, 12, and 40.

Re:Numerology

[Absurd Being]

6, 2 and 13 are probably signifigant numbers in the Bible too, for different reasons.

Re:Numerology

[broller]

The 12 days of Christmas traditionally refer to the days from December 25 until January 5. The way I understand it is that the star appeared the night Jesus was born, and the wise men arrived a little later, which is celebrated on January 6 and called "Epiphany."

The gifts then, should really be given on January 6, but fat chance getting your average family to change to that tradition! Considering early January sales, it really would save a lot of money for last minute shoppers. There are lots of other benefits too, like it helps avoid conflicts with work schedules.

For a family that wants a Christmas which is less commerically based, this would be a nice tradition to adopt.

How interesting.

[Anonymous Coward]

In other Slashdot news, a kitten appears to be stuck up a tree.

for the British audience

[Anonymous Coward]

$65,264.28 at current exchange rates is worth about a tenner and a pack of 20 B&H

Anti-Corporate Scrooge says...

[nysus]

Figures! Leave it to the corporate greed mongers at PNC Bank(TM) to find a way to invade our mental space by hijacking the real meaning behind this sacred (albeit annoying) Christmas carol. Bah Humbug!

Re:Anti-Corporate Scrooge says...

[manganese4]

I most likely spend too much time listening to the Annonymous 4 and the Baltimore Consort but I always felt the 12 days truly represented the commericialization of christmas. The song was hojaked long before the Pittsburgh Steel Barons for involved

A price too heavy....

[phorm]

And the Five Golden Rings were wrought by the hand of the Dark Lord Sauron, meaning they extract a price too heavy to be described in monetary terms, as they scorch your very soul, slowly dragging you bodily into a spiritual nether-world where you live as a wraith, neither dead nor alive, eternally locked in a heck-like existence where you live only to serve your dark master.

Is it just me, or do the "Five Golden Rings" sound a heck of a lot like an RIAA contract for music artists?

Amsterdam!

[Anonymous Coward]

You need to go to Amsterdam too.. But watchout, it will cost 40$ more to get her lousy top off. :(

Re:Few Answers

[Anonymous Coward]

One Partridge in a Pear Tree

Is this just a normal tree? Or do I get one of those fancy foreign Pear Trees?

It's a normal tree and as an added bonus it comes with a squirrel. Unfortunately this also means you'll get none of the pears.

Two Turtle Doves

Are these both male, both female, or a mix? I mean I dont want 50 of these things next Christmas

This is the age of enlightenment and queer eye for the straight guy - the doves are either both male or both female at your choosing. If you want more they'll need to adopt.

Three French Hens

You want me to PAY for these!?

Well with the French social and healthcare system being what it is someone is eventually going to have to pay for them, SOON.

Four Calling Birds

What types of birds are we talking here? Some piegons or doves or what?

Actually that's four Colly Birds (black birds). They're great to have around to clean up messes. You'll need them after the French hens act all superior and you kill them in some brutal fit of drunken rage.

Five Gold Rings

How many carats? Are they Rings of Power?

Ring necked pheasants. You'll throw a couple of them in the oven to get the taste of that last French hen out of your mouth.

Six Geese-a-Laying

How many eggs a day is this?

What does it matter to you! Their Canadian geese and the eggs can't be touched except by conservationists that might be by regularly to oil some and tell you not to touch the others. The only laying you'll be partaking from is when they lay shit all over your apartment.

Seven Swans-a-Swimming

Does the kiddie pool for them to swim in come with it? Or is that an optional extra?

You won't actually get the swans, the ASPCA does'nt like the idea of someone like you owning yet another animal. Especially after the whole French Hen incident and complaints from the conservationists about Canadian Egg and Bacon omlettes you make. They will however allow you to pay nominal fees for the upkeep of said swans - all money going to the state of course.

Eight Maids-a-Milking

Now I'm assuming the cows come with it, again is the cost of manure removal included? How about feed?

Why are your trying to distract us with this nonsense about cows? Is there something your trying to hide - like a sweat shop with eight illegal imigrants doing by hand what most modern farmers automate with pumps and robotics. I think we're going to have to look into how your property is zoned and make sure all your paperwork is in order.

Nine Ladies Dancing

Are these like Twi'lek dancers? Or the girls of Jenni Craig?

Now we're really going to run into a zoning issue if you want to have a regular farm (ala cows and milking) and a fat farm in the same building. Plus we're not sure how the cows and geese might respond to Richard Simmons and his sweatin' to the oldies tapes.

10 Lords-a-Leaping

Wait . . I though Queer Eye only had 5 guys on it?

Well those Canadians did it again and proved that they COULD clone. Unfortunately they only succeeded in cloning one of the Fab 5 and so now your stuck with the resulting 10 Carson Kresley clones. Noone else will take them.

11 Pipers Piping

So, if I buy these can I like shoot them as soon as they piss me off?

Off the success of cloning Carson the Canadians decided they might go with someone less annoying. Unfortunately only Kenny G. was available. To add insult to injury not only do you get the clones but the original Kenny G. as well.

12 Drummers Drumming

Same goes for these guys too.

The drummers are an illusion created by your mind. They're sole purpose is to shield your fragile ego from the disaster area your apartment has become. What with all the livestock and that disaster with the Carsons and the Kenny's going at each other one day and leaving only one Kenny behind in the aftermath. He now plays his sax with his one good arm from the closet wher

The cost of gold rings went down--wtf?

[Calaf]

I have a hard time believing this. On December 16 2002 the price of an ounce of gold was US$333, while as of today, December 16 2003, the price is US$408. I can't believe that the cost of labor and other materials went down enough to compensate for this.

Re:The cost of gold rings went down--wtf?

[Fjornir]

Fashion is fickle. The plain band is no longer the style -- more elaboraate rings and rings with settings are in higher demand. The plain band (which was the appropriate style when the index started tracking it 19 years ago) has fallen due to diminished demand.

Not to fear, it's cheaper next year

[Anonymous Coward]

If the pickup is at the same rate then next year it will only cost $43,259.09 ...we'll depending on what type their dollar values are stored in ;)

DDR?

[tepples]

Throw in some stepdancers

Can't you find some of them on the various rhythm game sites?

How to do it?

[Sangui5]

Buy cheap gold bands.

Remember, Froogle is your friend.

They've ignored the reuse/return opportunities..

[Channard]

.. after all, there after Christmas, there are plenty of reuse opportunities for the items, after the recipient of the items has got bored or overwhelmed by the gifts. For example:

The 'gold' rings could be put in special presentation cases and sold on E-Bay as the official Lord of the Rings One True Ring (five available).

The Two Turtle Doves could be fitted with Bandanas and sold as Ninja Turtle Doves to kids.

The French Hens could be resold as 'Freedom Hens', packaged with the slogan 'Laying Eggs for our boys in the Gulf.'

The Swans could be rented out to high class celebrity weddings - the Swans no doubt lasting longer than the marriage.

The geese could be fed the leftovers and used to produce a delicious foie-de-gras pate, far preferable to the leftover turkey traditionally eaten from December 25th to November.

I'm sure there are more opportunities for reuse - anyone else got any ideas?

New Mastercard Commercial

[Random832]

A partridge in a pear tree

$77.50

Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$135.50

Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$150.50

Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$550.50

Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$911.75

Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$1 061.75

Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$4 561.75

Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$4 602.95

Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$8 833.84

Ten lords a leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$12 755.28

Eleven pipers piping, Ten lords a leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$14 737.68

Twelve drummers drumming, Eleven pipers piping, Ten lords a leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a milking, Seven swans a swimming, Six geese a laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French Hens, Two turtle doves And a Partridge in a pear tree

$16 855.28
For a grand total of: $65 264.28 Having the song repeated endlessly since age 4: Priceless

Property of the Crown

[boogy nightmare]

You could not get swans in the UK, nor could we import them into the country and expect to own them, as they are a Royal Animal any swan in the UK is property of the crown and therefore owned by her Majesty the Queen and automatically have freedom of the realm and therefore can not be owned by the common man.

Bummer...

Re:Property of the Crown

[AlecC]

Unless you are a member of the Worshipful Companies of Dyers or Vintners, who own some of the swans on the River Thames, alongside the Queen.

Price of a Redneck Christmas?

[neglige]

Hmm.. I have a song "12 Days of Redneck Christmas" floating around on my harddisk. How much would that cost? It's probably cheaper to buy (just an excerpt) at Wal-Mart:

• 12 pack of Bud
• 11 wrestling tickets
• 9 years probation
• 5 flannel shirts
• 3 shotgun shells
• 2 hunting dogs
• some parts to a Mustang GT

Re:Price of a Redneck Christmas?

[Anonymous Coward]

GAAA! Now I have that infernal song in my head! At any rate, here ya' go...

Twelve-pack of Bud
$12.89

Eleven Wrastling tickets
$1540

Ten o' Copenhagen
$175 ($15.50 per pack)

Nine years probation
$5000 - Lawyer fees, court costs, and bail. I am assuming this was not a felony...

Eight table dancers
$160 ($20 per dancer) - From your local strip club (don't forget to tip)

Seven packs of Redman
$29.75 ($4.45 per pack)

Six cans of Spam
$15

Five flannel shirts
$39.75 ($7.95 each)

Four big mud tires
$550

Three shotgun shells
$3.13 (actually, this is for 250 rounds)

Two hunting dogs
$600 ($300 each for the Beagles)

... And some parts to a Mustang GT.
$24.99

Total = $8,150.51 (plus tax) or $36,900.57 the tradtional way

A bit cheaper than the more formal 12 days, but not exactly in the average redneck foodstamp range. I suppose the beer, chew, mustang parts could all have come from the same robbery (using the shotgun shells) and led to the probation.

Technology

[kristopher]

"8 Maids a Milking" Are they still milking by hand or has the vast grasp of technology invaded even this vertical taboo act? And why eight maids? Even if they use one hand, what in the world are they doing with the other? Is there even enough *cow to go around?

Curious: I naturally assumed it would be a cow, but no one specified what they were milking. Or even what they consider "milk", but I may finally have a reason for why there is eight maids; Perhaps instead it might be a Bull...

what?

[-noefordeg-]

I actually haven't got the faintest clue about what this is.....

"Seven Swans-a-Swimming" -?

"Pear tree" -?

I've never bought this at Christmas.

*cringes under heavy brain spasms*

CHECK YOUR SPELLING!

[Anonymous Coward]

Christmas is written with CAPITAL C!

Really poor spelling! Nothing new on Slashdot.

Re:CHECK YOUR SPELLING!

[Anonymous Coward]

iT'S speled xmAs you hosers

all the more reasons to be soul DOWt?

[Anonymous Coward]

fauxking stuff that doesn't matter wannabes. sheesh.

robbIE rumoured to be corepirate nazi clone? (Score:mynuts won, pateNTdead PostBlock(tm) devise still not working?)
by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 12, @06:53AM (#7699395)
eXPerimeNT(r)oll, version won, of course.

the process has 'advanced' to transform bodIEs of regular folks into greed/fear/ego based puppets/ediots/droids. those slymebawls over at phonIE monIE .controll just waved their 'magic' WAnD in front of lairIE/robbIE et AL, & 'stuff that matters' turned/weNT right into the nazis' payper liesense windows/gadgets, ala LeRegister.

lookout bullow. there's nothing behind the ?pr? ?firm?/stock markup fraud 'curtain'. not even a little 'man'.

eyecon0meter: unprecedented evile hivists (Score:mynuts won, the sound of silence?)
by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 12, @10:45AM (#7701157)
swarming for the ?last? badtoll?

as anticipated.

disbulleave if you want to/must, but do keep your shades handy.

unprecedented evile/corepirate nazis/softwar gangster thugs/hired goons (Score:mynuts won, a snow job is better than no job?)

by Anonymous Coward
on Friday December 12, @06:04AM (#7699252 [slashdot.org]) cloning each other/themselves?

they need to .continually refresh the suppLIE of wannabe fraudulent phonIE monIE billyonerrors, as the # of those with felony grand larcenIE indictmeNTs pending, or already 'sentenced', & on 'probation', grows daily.

no matter, as the unprecedented evile execrable's clones are greed/fear/ego based also, they are no match for the creators' newclear power, & planet/population rescue mandates..

actually, this stuff is unbreakable, operates seamlessly on several (more than 3) dimensions, & offers unlimited energy to build on.

a real nightmare for the whoreabull payper liesense corepirate nazi softwar gangster stock markup fraud execrable/walking dead contingent.

for each of the creators' innocents harmed, there is a badtoll that must/will be repaid by you/US, as the greed/fear/ego based perpetraitors of the life0cide against the planet/population, will not be available to make reparations.

felonious softwar gangsters hoping to freeze time? (Score:0)

by Anonymous Coward

on Thursday December 11, @06:35AM (#7688518 [slashdot.org]) buy striking DOWn UN motion to promote gnu/free stuff to developing nations.

they seem to have hit the eXPanding georgewellian fuddite corepirate nazi execrable moretoll bullock. it's really just a sintax (t)error, whereas the fuddites' infactdead process, keeps replacing the 'one' in one
wwworld, with won.

lookout bullow. continued pretending does not help/makes things worse?, if that's even possible.

united? nations? just won?

consult with/trust in yOUR creators.... the light itself, is not frozen, but does function just as well in extremely low (or high) temperatures, all the way down to mynuts won? see you there?

dancing ladies

[Anonymous Coward]

Nine Ladies Dancing for 4 grand i really got a find a cheaper place to get my lap dances from

Making sense of Money

[Zarf]

Personally, I prefer to keep track of the value of a dollar in a more tangible every day way. The dollar is currently worth 462.131 sheets of Toilet Paper. We've lost 4 sheets to the wind since Monday. Toilet paper is not significantly weakening against the dollar. I hope for a stronger dollar that can perhaps give two-ply a run for it's money.

/Ladies/ Dancing

[wiredog]

Not girls, and certainly not those girls! Ladies. Presumably dancing in a ladylike fashion.

Although, to be fair, I know a former nudie bar dancer, and a former porn model, and they are two of the politest, most ladylike women I know.

12 Drummers?

[cheesyfru]

12 drummers drumming costs $2,147.60? I could get that for the cost of a few cases of beer and a mop to wipe up the drool on the floor.

Pah, who cares about the lords...

[evil-osm]

Besides, you american's always spend too much on these sort of things. Check out the Canadian 12 days-o-Christmas. I promise you it will cost FAR less, and if you pay in American $, you'll have spent basicly pocket change!

One thing's for sure...

[buckeyeguy]

with all those geese, hens, doves, swans and partridges running about, there'll be a Santa's sleigh-full of bird dung to deal with by the twelfth day.

But what about...

[Yaztromo]

I couldn't care less about what it costs for the traditional 12 day of Christmas. What I really want to know is what it costs to buy the Bob and Doug Mackenzie 12 Days of Christmas!

After all, in their version they have some actually useful stuff, like french toast, back bacon, toques, comic books, and beer!

Only a hoser would want "Lords a Leaping" and "Swans a Swimming" :) .

Yaz.

Perhaps the swan suppliers are being sued by SCO

[Dark$ide]

If the price of swans is increasing does this mean that SCO are a) suing them, or b) are likely to sue them after they've finished with IBM?

The 1100 Days of Slashdot

[Anonymous Coward]

On the 1100th day of Slashdot, my hand gave to me...

Twelve karma whores whoring
Eleven mp3s piping
Ten layoffs leaping
Nine GIF ladies dancing
Eight SCO complaints
Seven MS whines
Six thousand Diebold Bush votes
Five LOTR references
Four PHBs
Three first posts
Two Linux tux
And a geek girl but just in my dreams

Bad at math

[Sigma 7]

These guys are a bit bad at math.

2002 Total Price Christmas Index: $14,558.05
2002 "Core" index, excluding swans: $12,458.06
2002 Cost of swans: $2100.00
$14,558.05 - 12.458.06 = $2099.99

I'm more interested in where the missing penny is rather than how they arrived at the individual prices for the items.

Literal breakdown

[xant]

"On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me: X"
"On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me: Y"

etc. and each time X or Y includes all the previous items. The only obvious conclusion is that you're getting 12 partridges in 12 pear trees, 22 turtledoves, etc.

The total of the items includes combined items though, which are necessarily counted as separate. For example, you might be able to find a store that sells partridges, but probably not one that puts a pear tree in the same box.

So we've got 12 pear trees, the 142 birds, 40 rings, 40 cows, 76 women, 30 lords (is that more expensive than "30 guys jumping around in fancy dress"?), 22 pipers, 22 pipes, 12 drummers, 12 drums and 12 sets of drumsticks (they could be bongos, but traditionally they are not depicted as such). You might argue that the various musicians bring their instruments and then take them home with them when the gig is done. One assumes this is not slavery, so you have to figure salary for however many days the individuals in question are employed (and figure for the sake of simplicity that they are all let go at the end of the 12th day).

So, depending on whether or not you get to keep the musical instruments after christmas, you have purchased either 234 or 280 items and paid salaries for 150 man-days of entertainment.

Amendment

[xant]

I just realized that the situation with the entertainers/manual laborers is a bit more complicated than what I described. It revolves around this question: Am I purchasing all the items they need to do their jobs?

This includes 150 costumes (except possibly for the ladies dancing; we'll assume she's at least wearing a g-string), plus 36 milking stools, 36 buckets and enough bottles to hold however much milk is produced. (The song doesn't say what you're going to do with the milk produced, but I'd definitely want to keep it. It's the one thing you're getting for free out of all this.) There's bound to be some sheet music and music stands too; it'd be pretty terrible to have all those pipers playing improv. What about permits to have all these people perform for almost a week? Cleaning costs....

Make no mistake about it...

[BattyMan]

British Lords can be _rented_.

Especially the ones that have any property left.
They all have massive taxe$ to pay to the QWeen,
and, being members of the idle rich, little income.
It can be pretty tough to make ends meet.

here is a clue

[geekoid]

maybe they weigh less then an Oz. just a thought.
I can go to the mall and buy gold rings for less then 50 bucks. granted, it's more like a gold wire around your fingure, but nobody said they where high quality rings.

Gross underestimation of true cost...

[CrashVector]

Uhhm, I hate to bring this up but has anyone considered the cost of insurance for all of this stuff? $65,000+ worth of incidientals would just about double anyone's homeowners policy.

And, just curious, how were you planning to get song birds through customs by X-Mas? Helllooo --> mandatory 30 day quarrantine and there are only 7 shopping days left sport! Don't even think that you're going to have song birds without a hefty donation to the customs officers holiday ball!

What about attorneys - I mean you don't really believe 8 maids are going to milk anything without a few workers comp claims - do you? And god forbid someone get sick from drinking the milk the 8 maids milked; mega lawsuit dude - and mega attorneys fees. And have you ever seen a pissed off swan attack a human? I saw it once on a golf course and it was nearly fatal for both the swan and the golfer - does your homeowners cover swan injuries and/or injuries to swans? Do you have any idea how long and expensive a swan-slaughter trial is these days?

And speaking of lawyers, did you think your wife was going to stand obediently by while maids and dancers start shacking up in the garage? Noooo way sport. After thousands of dollars of marriage counseling the whole scene is virtually guaranteed to end in divorce. Then you will turn to drinking and drugs to deal with the fact that your ex-wife was banging her attorney the whole time she was sucking you dry of half of everything you busted your ass for. Oh and then you'll turn to alcoholics anonymous and psychotherapy in a last ditch effort to pretend you can recover from this episode.

No dice sport. By the time New Years rolls around you'll be shopping for a gun and some bullets. Then you'll do something stupid like shoot your wife and her attorney and then yourself. Then you'll be in hell all alone while listening to her forever getting off in the backseat of what was once your Mercedes...

Feed, transportation, lost wages, workers comp, taxes, insurance, attorneys, divorce settlements, psychotherapy, death - nope the 12 days of Christmas are not for me sport. Let me keep Christmas in my own way --> A lighted palm tree, a beverage, and a rent-a-babe named Bambi dressed only in a red had and a ribbon...

--Richard

Here's the reason...

[geekoid]

...Coincidence

Inflation

[Anonymous Coward]

The government has totally got people wrapped around their finger when we refer to the rise in prices as inflation. A rise in prices is very often the result of inflation but the cause of
inflation is an increase in the money supply.
An increase in the money supply devalues everyone else's existing money. Sounds a lot like counterfeiting doesn't it? It basically is legalized counterfeiting. When a bank gets a deposit of X dollars, they can turn around and issue loans for 5X (I believe that is the current figure) that amount. Where did the extra 4X come from? The answer is nowhere. The result is that people who take out loans disproportionately receive the advantage of the new money. Those who don't take out loans get their money devalued and receive no benefit. This is called partial reserve banking and must be stopped. We need to get rid of fiat money and replace it with a single or multi-commodity based money.

take off eh

[Anonymous Coward]

Bob and Doug's Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eight comic books
Seven packs of smokes
Six packs of two-fours
Five golden toques
Four pounds of back bacon
Three french toasts
Two turtlenecks
And a beer in a tree

(Bob & Doug didn't cover days nine through twelve.)

HUH?

[Tripinsteady]

All I care about is the 9 ladies a dancing... on my lap!!! Damn not too bad of a price.