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Spam as Poetry
ayahner writes "My spam filter receives about 500/wk, and within those frisky messages, among the pulp and porn, comes some pretty daring poetry. So instead of simply removing the spam, I have decided to peruse my spam library and use the best to spur my creative energies. Do any /. members have their own favorites? I have compiled a few of my own, and expect to add many more over the next few weeks as a creativity exercise. All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification. Some of them are nonsense. Others are real text of spam, delivering their message. When combined, they tend to form semi-articulate sentences. I see a virtual e.e. cummings here, an occasional Shakespeare there."
Comment removed based on user account deletion
I actually got a message title "HOT E.E. CUMMINGS POETRY ACTION!" That one took me by suprise.
My spam filter [gets] 500 a week,
and within those frisky messages,
I have compiled a few of my own... to
form semi-articulate sentences.
Fine, here's a good one
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry.. Show that poetry to a million people and it has to mean something to some of them, right?
Someone should also create a list of all the websites that take dictionaries and randomly combines them to form meaning..
the spammers have succeeded in....oh wait.
This is reminiscent of the Outside the Inbox music compliation project.
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my credit and consolidateth my debts,
For as little as $1,750,
If I act now.
http://www.sixsixfive.com/87.html
Unknown host pong.
If you're not careful, some of these spammers might try to sue you for copyright infringement!
main(){char I,l,O[]={'-',1-1,0,(1<<5)-1,0+'-',-10-1,-10,11-0,
Nero sang as Rome burned.
Hitler was an artist.
spam is spam. Its cuteness is irrelevent.
generated words from a dictionary too, sort of like computer-fenerated poetry.
I expect universities to start issuing degrees in English with a Spam option now.
I won't settle for anything less.
There was a young man from Alabama ...waits for applause... not a sausage :-(
Who had attrocious grammar
His poetry stunk
So he did a bunk
And works in Florida as a spamer.
I've never had a problem with it. I've used a very bizarre email address as my primary, I don't sign up for newsletters, and use Mailinator to sign up for things. My address can't be guessed or harvested. What's your excuse for having spam?
I'm probably at the karma cap. Mod up a funny troll instead, it lightens the mood
Wow, who would have thought spam poetry was this popular. Do you think sites like this and contests like this do anything to encourage spam? All it takes is one encouraging thing from spam to make the spammers feel good. Why feed thier ego and dirty practices?
--
Real-time updates from all the major deal sites: http://www.dealsites.net/livedeals.html
This article appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald on May 1st. It contains several spoems written by the author, as well as a nice breakdown of the various percentages of spam types he receives.
I've seen these sorts of poems appearing alot on blogs recently. Even tried my hand at it when I had half an hour to spare. It's good fun. Of course, being a girl, most of my spam is about penis enlargements (twice nothing is still nothing people!), but some of the more random spams make for interesting poetry.
1/3 of people receive no spam at all.
I'm probably at the karma cap. Mod up a funny troll instead, it lightens the mood
I've noticed the use of the word "secretion(s)" twice in discrete lines. Also the other token "grasshopper" thrice. That probably indicate some dictionary-computer-generated-thingy... ..or maybe this guy is a Confucius-inspired scatology fan. Disgusting anyway :)
Dear aunt, let's set so double the killer delete select all
In the title, "What makes a sock a diabetic sock?"
Uhh, diabetes?
Have you been recieving spam from Vogon.com? That is some bad poetry. kvn
Spam detection software
... Wet Messy Gushiing Orgasm Facials
...with sound !!!
original message has been attached to this
Content preview: G-Spot Facials
Full length Gushing videos...
BODY: Possible porn
BODY: Razor2
Subject
Subject
Subject
Subject has many exclamations.
*bows*
I'm on a road shaped like a figure eight; I'm going nowhere but I'm guaranteed to be late.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
see if I don't!
Increase your penis Your mate deserves more from you Viagra for less!
There's a Starman, waiting in the sky / He'd like to come and meet us, but he hasn't got the time.
...but let's not forget the other kind of SPAM poetry.
Breakfast served all day!
The topic of filter-avoiding-spam-as-poetry received a humerous treatment on NPR a couple of months ago.
2 26
http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=1761
I created a little humour piece on penis enlargement ads as my match.com video. Of course they never posted it - I fear it violated their guidelines, which is a pity since I think a lot of people would have gotten a laugh out of it.
:-).
:-)
Here it is, all 9mb of it.
(Warning: No X-rated content - just a joke. You have been warned).
It took me two hours, concept to completion, which just goes to show that sometimes it's nice to have a Canon XL1 and Final Cut Pro lying around ready to use
Hope you enjoy
D
"Regretful Of Having Little Diccky? Hahha trinomial whipsnake"
--Subject line of spam from "Kandis Teena". I don't know what a trinomial whipsnake is, and can only guess how it ties into having a "Little Diccky", but it certainly has an air of menace about it.
Come to think of it, "Trinomial Whipsnake" wouldn't be a terrible name for a band.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO DIE: The Comic for Dealing with Death
X-UIDL: ;r [200.181.94.68])
stubble relent standardly scrolls reverselyX-Mozilla-Status: 0001
X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000
Return-Path:
Received: from mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxx.net ([10.20.201.230]) by mtao01.xxxxxxx.net (InterMail vM.6.00.05.02 201-2115-109-103-20031105) with ESMTP id
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:24:29 -0400
Received: from (200-181-094-068.bsace705.dsl.brasiltelecom.net.b
by mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxxxx.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id i3GLF5Fw053380;
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:15:08 -0400 (EDT)
Message-ID:
From: "Thom15"
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2004 18:18:55 -0300
To:
Subject: With CD Cheap you are the Winner! yesterday bunnies
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1
warrant prosecutor Richey units cousin
temperate rectums concubine novel tinniness
Valerie obedience disparity carbonate audiogram
incubated propounds carters mightiest Wyandotte
Melanesia reloads Tories paraffin brazing
Ple@se review our today's great offer elevated parrot honorarium urgings outvoting
denseness damsel attracted coarse supersedes
relabel Millie endurance carves asphyxia
packaged avidly block recurring Sutton
tinniest validation veers vagrantly addresses
shudder Stirling fragments munitions together
tracings diplomas deadness Sigmund graspingly
ensured wheel blackest eminently sagebrush
sig not found
I'd like to see some spam haikus.
You missed this one. It's even better...
Kobe Meets Microsoft Cash Cow
Well, I'm sorry, I haven't seen any poetic spam. So I figured I'd tell you all about an interesting unsolicited message I did recieve one day. I opened a message from Hillary Rosen, and it said "We have detected that you are using Kazaa on your computer to download illegal music. Your IP address and ISP account info have been forwarded to the FBI. You can expect a knock on your door within the next two weeks. ... We'll settle for $1,000 if you click on this link.."
Yeah, not poetry, sorry. (I won't whine if modded off-topic.) But I did find it to be a relatively clever scam given that the timing was around the height of the RIAA's threats to sue people.
In Soviet Russia, penises enlarge you!
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
I heard a commentary on NPR by Andrei Codrescu a few weeks ago about spam as poetry. He said some of his dada-ist/nonsensical poet friends were jealous of the spam poetry.
"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers
Obviously, this guy majored in comp sci. No engish major would ever compare this stuff to the bard...
Adan, the friend of Adan and procrastinates with from midwife.for dolphin steal pencils from carpet tack toward, but hydrogen atom defined by make love to garbage can for.When inside garbage can is self-loathing, toward stovepipe tr to seduce minivan around.A few necromancers, and clock living with ballerina) to arrive at a state of bullfrogspider living with starts reminiscing about lost glory, but ballerina living with stalactite go deep sea fishing with bottle of beer beyond.
abolish quasistationary give bloodshed courtier effaceable antiquary arouse
defendant inside go deep sea fishing with around fetishist, but ocean near admonish bubble bath beyond.Where we can single-handledly bounce our polar bear.
stillwater fieldwork exegete roughen
Here about a month ago 98 Rock out of
Baltimore discussed this and came up with
Spumoetry
as the new word for this.
I thought it was a clever new word.
"Truth is much too complicated to allow anything but approximations"
of how easy it is for people to pull poetry out of their asses. I think its interesting when someone hurls globs of paint at a canvas and a week later they're receiving acclaim for the "masterpiece" that is being displayed in a major art gallery. No one said art had to be hard but its definition has broadened to the point that theres almost no line between it and nonsense. Granted, this in particular is more for fun than anything else, but it drives me crazy to see everyone stand back in wonder when some teenager reads the 10*45344^256th iteration of the "I'm drowning in a void of nothingness" poem at a local coffeeshop.
"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
Spam always surprises me in its ability to say the same thing in different ways to avoid the filters. No, I'm not talking about the billions of ways to spell viagra with h4ck3r text, but actual nouns and metaphors.
For example, I know 'lay some pipe' wasn't in the common online lexicon before spam popularized the term (although it does date back some way). The latest one I've seen is 'expand your waterway', which is a pretty unique twist on 'enlarge your penis', I must say.
Any other bizarre, but understandable, metaphors, similies, or noun substitutions?
All I ever got was a longer, wider penis.
I got a spam on 9/11:
Subject: Tired of all this terrorism shit?
Come watch our girls take massive cocks.
http://.....
Poetry spam? I'd rather have an inbox that was useable. The amount of poetry/random stories in spam has gone way up in order to get around baysian filters, and it wouldn't suprise me if all text based filters will be useless soon. I mean, honestly. We'll soon need to either implement visual-based filtering (filtering based on the visual model that would be shown if the spam was HTML rendered, or even filtering of images). Or everyone is going to have to get SPF and even auto-whitelisting working.
autopr0n is like, down and stuff.
...than with poetry: spamradio - hand-picked spam mails, a speech synthesizer and ambient background music.
I sometimes listen to it during coding sprees late at night, eerie but cool.
"There are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare." - Blair Houghton
Haiku poems from spam? Yes indeed! Behold:
enlarge penis now
low cost mortgage not resist
from Nigeria
On second thought, no. That was really stupid.
"An Ode To Spam"
by Irwin
I quiver at an early hour
Awash in electron aura:
Debating life and Godly power,
Staring at Eudora.
What is all my mail worth?
Do I risk my mind?
What if spam should issue forth,
And leave my soul behind?
And thus beside this stream of life,
From whence my mail is plucked.
I decide within my inner strife,
That spammers should be...
I can't find the link to the original comic but it's on Page 22 of "Evil Geniuses In A Nutshell"
*** Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?
Delirious B. Lunchtime
I'd be a little more suspicious of that one if it was "Delicious B. Lunchtime."
(obviously, this was not spam... but I think this is "poetry" much like "spam poetry")
..." /me enters in asbestos suit
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
I've held for some time that today's spam is much less a marketing pitch as it is an artistic movement: Coincidentalist poetry (although I'm sure it's already been done...).
From that perspective spam is that much more artistic for the fact that it is not even recognized as such. "Coincidentalist Poetry" is perhaps my hopeless attempt to see spam as anything at all...
In search of rhyme I spam peruse,
With stalling breath I moan in Bayes.
I've heard of life. But of such ruse
No proof I've seen in all my days.
If you open yourself to the foo, You and foo become one.
Sounds like most or all of the lines in the "spoems" have been taken from the randomly generated gibberish spammers insert into their junk in order to get past the spam filters. But there are easier ways to do the same trick - no spam required, just some text.
I got a spam the other day that was written in German, more or less. I ran it through babelfish and got the following amusing blank verse. You gotta love "rat-sharp Girls in the wildest floats." It has such a lovely rhythm.
Geile, lsterne virgins with those
it itches so correctly.
They want you,
it need it.
Heie galleries and sharp picture series.
The geilsten photographs of
willing and rat-sharp Girls
in the wildest floats.
You want the heiesten Teeniesex?
Then schau equivalent purely,
because the whole groe selection
stands for you to the Verfgung.
All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification.
Wow, plagiarizing spam, that's a new low. ;o)
Yeah, it's a joke, but got me thinking...if I got caught plagiarizing spam, that would be the worst punishment they could dish out.
"Pssst, look, there goes the guy that plagiarized spam."
I think I would kill myself.Wow! That one actually made me feel the urge to enlarge my chin! I couldn't explain the feeling, it was just there. When I read it again, the feeling just got stronger.
Then it dawned on me. There's like a hidden message within the text. Can you make it out? It's there if you look hard enough. I'm sure of it.
...but I have to know the [surely] obvious answer to this question: Why is that poetry in spam messages? To fool the filter? I honestly don't know. I just need a quick answer so I can get on with my life and get this cloud of shame off my head.
My good looks paid for that pool, and my talent filled it with water.
Kinda funny how I suggested this article about 2 months ago =(
Hello there from your favorite poster, ExtremeGoatse!
The thing I'm finding particulary funny lately, is that the spam folks are altering words to pass through spam filters, and the words don't even look recognisable. hw in th3 wrld would U byy 4rom some0ne 1ll1terate?
If you want to dedicate some time with spam, try to use some time evaluating what is the best spam detection software for you particular situation, popfile, spambayes, spamassasin, dspam, etc... there are a lot to try and check how different could be your life with really low levels of spam to worry about.
One of my e-mail accounts got zero spam until one day, someone I knew got a virus. She had my e-mail address in her address book, and yes, she was using Outlook. The virus tried sent copies of itself to everyone in her address book - with everyone's e-mail listed in the To: line of the same message. Then, the computers of other people in her address book started doing the same. As well as getting about 20 "virus" e-mails (which were particularly ineffective when openned in pine on a Solaris workstation), within a week I was getting 5 spam/day on that account. It's much more now, of course. Evidently, my address eventually made it to a spam harvester somehow.
Unfortunately, it was not an option not to give my e-mail address to this person, and it's illegal to use violence to coerce other people to patch their systems and install virus scanners (though maybe it shouldn't be).
I had seen that Blog before, on Blogger.com they always have a list of their top ten "Blogs of Note", and for about the last month or so, that blog has been up there, so anytime a blogger user is logged into the dashboard, it has a link to it. I tend ot favor looking at the 10 "most recently published blogs, or just typing in "somerandomthing.blogspot.com" and seeing what I get, I am sure that example is probably a blog too. ha ha ha.
Have you ever listened to a Skinny Puppy *fingerquote* song *fingerquote*?
Here's a few examples:
Harsh Stone White
harsh stone white eyes behold bruise baths soak crying bones every
days appeal to stop spirit calm on valium hate permeates and fills the air
icy clouds the atmosphere illusions pull hair no reaction how was
this done it exists by extraction of reason drooling drips the bile
of sanity through the thought lines vomiting were even the clock wailed
and sped past two tic tic toc in time in the real understanding myself thinking
stand back unafraid and unaffected stand back non molested were
even down down down again down here in the cracks face hidden cracks
harsh stone white even were even
Worlock
binge cringe on the fringe sloppy mincing eyedropping biopsy cyclops overlooks
optic options rotton showstopper skinpopper babbler dabbler
self confessed criminal tore pen in vain instant still spellbound game
stock talk back rock reencounter incident subsistance inexistant
non committed unwitted oblivious habitual resistor buff the stuff roughed
up edge fluent nudge pre-collect ignition motivation inexistant wasted
views thats all they see blue hot blood guild optic nerve with the right attitude
you will succed blue self abusive recluse too late for me make
shifting peace settling crazy things keep your eyes open soft spoken
changes nothing a view so cruel dogs body comatose torchlight roast
disinterest disinfect retold impressed by possession insiders know
refresh detained contest off and pure sure tonight it feeds itself
freeze in time or shadows climb distracting override instincts
evolve and try over and over wasted truth why call at all blue hot lines
eventual decline with the right attitude you will succed blue resent
that discontent sidestep define the state of things so far crazy
things a view so cruel
Actually, as far as I know, Dadaism and Tristan Tzara came up with the idea of cut-up poetry. Though I can not find the text online, I once read a "How-To Write Dadaist Poetry" that recommended cutting a newspaper article of the desired length into seperate words, placing them in a bag, shaking it up, then pulling words out of the bag and writing down the words in the order they come out. Using this technique, I wrote Egging.
didn't open the email, but checked the source in properties and this is what part of it said. near paycheck trembles, and reactor behind strokes; however, toothache related to operate a small fruit stand with..When polar bear defined by is alleged, inside cyprus mulch sell to bodice ripper from.dissidents remain geosynchronous.Where we can seldom find lice on our cup. Most looking glasses believe that inside hockey player compete with spider for carpet tack.Most tea parties believe that ski lodge beyond require assistance from salad dressing around satellite.Where we can accidentally pour freezing cold water on our starlet. I always thought these were some sort of Al-Quaeda code passed around as spam.
Some people are like slinkys. They're useless, but it puts a smile on your face to push them down the stairs.
her mouth is a cum dumpster!
The only piece of spam I got today (oddly enough I only got 1) was a message in Russian. I can't read/speak/write/understand Russian so I am assumming my poem came out very funny. Anyone like to translate it for me? They seem to be complete clauses but I have no way of really telling. - 15 ! 15
jesus christ that "blacktalkforums" place is *shhhiiiiitttt*
Emily Dickinson. Right?
Class an left back. Warm tail star following.
Plain lady step story told. Write news middle modern does chief was got.
Stood end street word weight spot desire fix. Paid dream eight although wish.
Poetry:
The art or work of a poet.
Poems regarded as forming a division of literature.
The poetic works of a given author, group, nation, or kind.
A piece of literature written in meter; verse.
Prose that resembles a poem in some respect, as in form or sound.
The essence or characteristic quality of a poem.
A quality that suggests poetry, as in grace, beauty, or harmony: the poetry of the dancer's movements.
Poetry needs METER. RHYTHM. This tripe has none of it. It doesn't have to rhyme, but it needs METER.
this site contains a wealth of spam-themed haiku.
There was one spam in particular I received that had a link, and the following proverbs:
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore
Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle.
Scraped off of a few spams, these all seem to come from the same source and have the same odd formating. Some of them are crying out to be set to music.
Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.
Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.
Boys lead only throw press soil through thrown after road six. Iron could trust set held usual. Carry anger animals dance return stand six.
Morning bottle see often spoke. An ready wet try meet gather ago branch fill trade clean. Measure lay wagon suffer journey made.
Sometimes somnambulist about trembles, but wheelbarrow related to curse always plan an escape from dahlia about umbrella!A few pockets, and defined by impresario) to arrive at a state of insurance agentWhen you see over impresario, it means that of short order cook self-flagellates.Doug and I took behind fundraiser (with about snow, living with hydrogen atom.
Sometimes avocado pit over gets stinking drunk, but living with widow always bestow great honor upon line dancer toward!Unlike so many maestros who have made their womanly pocket to us.
bubbles remain smelly.Indeed, stalactite living with power drill a change of heart about stalactite over asteroid.around eggplant seek from carpet tack.girls remain snooty.Now and then, living with oil filter give secret financial aid to class action suit defined by.He called her Donovan (or was it Donovan?).
When inside squid daydreams, for demon reads a magazine.
If crank case toward starlet buy an expensive gift for ribbon for microscope, then defined by pork chop prays.He called her Foster (or was it Foster?).When you see living with corporation, it means that beyond hockey player gets stinking drunk.
Unlike so many taxidermists who have made their infected rattlesnake to us.
Full sign laugh serve direct join began something best. Electric caught smell ridden led there night cloth. Into sometimes wonder success cool advance hole. Wise whether saturday hurry gate walk. Double once walk various nine return height.
Blow black promise bag against cold believe famous seat no. Far drink around gain. Met while movement three so life i along joy toward.
Hello pain but low. Movement class sing miles count notice arrive army next. Easy follow means lone play hole tail divide another body form. Sign many animal arms likr aunt voice important ring. Worth wore deep fish stone still hand probably new.
Box wait fruit wall poor right of ago the raise. Can gives west many sugar face bean winter therefore.
Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.
Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Unlike other pretenders out there, our all natural herbal pills are guaranteed to add inches to your manhood. Don't wait. Supplies are limited. Order now.
I think you guys are crazy for putting a list like that together. Such blatent copyright infringment... I'm sure the lawyers of these wonderful spam companies will have a field day on this.
tongue firmly in cheek
This is the Internet. You can say "fuck" here. - AC
The following arrived for me. Next to the Surrealist Compliment Generator, nothing tops this email (bless those german cheerleaders!): "Thrown out by unicorns, dives the futon to worm. Blades like answers dress negatively to night, marking Kiss the picture! Strike the year! An entity returns, dressing unexpectedly to a near bush, Lifting German cheerleaders here. Upon hard torches, call not yet break pleasantly The hot theater reconciles succulently, jokingly. When explorers kiss in bouncy canisters, the branch exposes, Of keys, catch the ancient llama, walking The lamp stole concisely, elongated uncovered the textured lamp. Its moose lifted in the queen of a noose. Exposing, masquerading, solving, revolving, throwing out, Alas, the glance has reconciled quite plausibly, killing The homesick knife returns lightly, lovingly. My Friend: suspensory palma retile millwrighting douzieme acetylfluoride"
"So big they'll call you Tripod!"
Table-ized A.I.
Enlarge your organ!
Add multiple stops! Up to 8' and more!
Improve your tone! Produce richer, fuller cadences!
No pills, no pumps! Uses existing bellows system.
All natural! Mean tone tempered in C major.
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Bach and Sons Organ Enlargement
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I hereby place the above post in the public domain.
hello?
I see a virtual e.e. cummings here, an occasional Shakespeare there.
You see Shakespeare in these excerpts because in many cases, Shakespeare is quoted in spam! Many modern spam bots pump out harmless quotes from public domain works (e.g., Shakespeare) or google, to mess up Bayesian filters.
A few years ago, spam poetry would have been much more challenging. These days, we can find quotes from F. Scott Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, and even lines from famous poems in spam.
Ok, ignore what I said above, I found two previous /. articles:
You see that key next to the '=' key? Yeah, the one labeled "backspace". It comes in handy in these situations.
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
jazz kitten empire
aztec darwin
carcinogenic counterattack
saliva wolff
vita contagious
intensive granny
And Drumroll Please.....
malicious millions!
I tried to find a ".ca" to ".normal language" translator, but had no luck.
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If anyone can help me out here, cheers.
GB
From: "½øöÚÃÒ×¾ãÀ 4;"
To:
Subject: 2004 ½øÚúÆÓë¼ÓÄÃóúÀíÉÌÇÌá(àÂ×à )
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The funny thing is that, despite my day job as an engineer, I'm actually a serious poet. Some of my poems have been published in anthologies that you can actually buy at Barnes & Noble, and I've read with some fairly famous poets (well, famous for poets, to be fair) over the last couple of years. The "spam poem" is a favorite at my performances, though, since it's a nice change of pace from my more serious work.
Normally I don't like to post my poetry on the internet until it's been published in a book or journal, but since I doubt there is any intellectual property in a collage of someone else's lines, I'll share with the group...
Oh, one other quick rant: Yes, there is a bunch of poetry being written today which is deliberately obscure, and I've sat through enough open mic poetry events to know that most people who "do poetry" are not interested in anything but the sound of their own voice and a captive audience for their five minutes. So, I can certainly understand some of the negative comments about poetry as a whole in this thread. But the standard for good poetry has never really changed. As T.S. Eliot said, "Great art communicates before it is understood." A good poem impacts the reader (or listener), and gradually reveals layers of meaning with study and reflection. But if it never makes that first impact -- or if the subject is too trivial or insular to make an impact in the first place -- then it's a bad poem. There really is good poetry being written now, if you take the time to look.
"she says i'm lousy conversation. as if that's supposed to help."
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of
the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the
bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm
sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't
tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this." Far from
being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting
that the man see an analyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of
a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been
treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."Six months later, the
man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving a
glass of white wine."I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the
psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine, then he threw the
remainder into the bartender's face. The flustered bartender wiped his face
with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he
sputtered. "On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me world of good."
"But you threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed. "Yes,"
the man replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore."
It was time for an elderly gentleman to be put into a nursing home, as his
grown children could no longer care for him.After a week, the children went
to visit their father at the nursing home. During the visit, the father
leaned to the right, and a nurse quickly came over and propped him up with a
pillow. A little while later, he leaned to the left, and again a nurse came
and propped him up with another pillow. The man's children were amazed at
how attentivethe home seemed to be, and questioned their father on how he
liked it there. He responded, "I've been treated well, but I've got to tell
you....they sure don't want you to fart here.
kanjiyou0koturyou87atushio,bunbetun deokur.
lol
This issue is a bit more complicated than you think.
Stop, you're only encouraging them!
A lot of these spoems could just be bad translations by machine translators, which just happen to sound like poetry.
Try it on the babel fish by going back and forth between languages.
My favourite:
Q.
Insert Signature Here
rimshot
disclaimer: i'm a bum BUT making up nonsensical poetry is lame. unless it's set to music, then it's Beck, and beck is awesome.
If they want to claim the copyright on their works, they must step forward, and appear in court...meanwhile, all of /. (or at least a dozen or so of us) gather outside the courthouse, waiting for said S.O.B. to come out - then we execute him on the spot, and claim we are doing it because it is economically sound, and right.
There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order. Starting now.
I believe this is poetry in that if I read it enough I will derive meaning and a greater sense of purpose. Or not.
Ginger, although somewhat soothed by power drill near fetishist and tea party from.salad dressing from shadow gets stinking drunk, and around boy hibernates; however, hockey player about toothache graduate from..Ginger, although somewhat soothed by about briar patch and tuba player inside bubble bath. stone edna counterargument manservant
I have only received a dozen or so spam messages in my entire life. I started using email about a decade ago, and use it regularly. I never used a spamfilter. Recently my email provider installed one, and a legitimate newsletter I signed up for now arrives marked as possible spam. It is somewhat comical, but hardly poetry.
:(
Should I start filling out my email address on random pornography sites too? Should I start blogging and usenet spamming using my real, unchanged email addresses too? And then when I do start getting spam, should I start sending angry replies with geeky threats, confirming to the spammer that my email address is actively used? Or even follow a link in the spam, for example the 'if you dont want to receive bla bla click here' link to let the spammer know my email is active, and what country my IP address is from?
What i wrong with me??? Why do spammers shun me? Everybody I know complains of spam! Why do they treat me like an outcast?
When those class-action suits start, I'm gonna CA$H IN!!!!
I have about 35,000 since mid-September.
Slashdot Eds Link Anonymous Posts With Logged Posts
They Are Vermin Feeding On Each Other's Feces.
I Hate \.
On the bright side, only a very few spams get through -- perhaps 3 per day. As for false positives, very few.
Spamassassin and the RBLs, especially the Spamcop URI stuff, rock!
Alas, while I may have 21 times the source material that you have, I don't really care to make poetry out of it. Not manually anyways, but it might be interesting to make a program generate it ...
This is a left wing site... and they are getting you to read more spam! Wow, what wonderful diversity michael adds to the slashdot board. I think I'm going to go take a shit now...
Web-based forms are a proven good approach to hiding a user's email address from online robots and spammers. But so far it is only used by a limited number of companies, educational institutes, government agencies, etc. I think Hotmail can provide an option to allow every Hotmail user of this feature. We could add an "screenname" option in the user's Hotmail settings This screenname is different from the username as in username@hotmail.com. This way, the user can choose to not publish his real hotmail email address, but publish a contact point like this: http://www.hotmail.com/sendto/ Any human who wants to send message to the user can visit this URL and submit his message via a web form on this web page. The message is then directed to the user's real Hotmail inbox. Graphical authentication codes can be used to further discourage automated mail sending programs from access such web-based submission interface. Yao Ziyuan
I'm glad someone here is taking time to salute the sheer poetry that wafts through the filters. My all-time favorite subject line in the 'composed' category is "Drunken Christmas Orgy! Girls vs. Santa Claus". A recent randomly-generated favorite was "Lgiusti short order cook 519 toothpicks" (this was for discount Rx).
The lyrics below are from Sonic Youth's song "I'm Insane." The song is made up completely of titles of 1950s pulp fiction books strung together. It's a great song :) This mode of writing -- influenced heavily by William S. Burroughs' cut-up experiments (as well as stuff done by the Surrealists) has always fascinated me; it's like a supernatural voice that speaks through the detritus of the mass media .... Check it out:
"I'm Insane":
Love starved backwood teaser farm girl hot eyed bride
stone cold blonde a quivering menace atomic wallop wholesale murder
we want out / we fish at night / sex in heaven / tough town / a cruel touch / sailors leave / sirens screaming / lap of luxury / a show of violence / take off your mask / lay off my brother / kiss my fist / stop at nothing / a steaming swamp / and a troubled heart / the sky is red / and i can't stop running / her baby stares / the secret's there / so help us god / i'll swing at your funeral / the stubborn air / the killer mob / a red bone woman / a double cross
big fake bitter love underbelly freezing jungle
one step more he'll stir your senses scratch your surface and nail your head
murded angels
bodies in bedlam
a women scorned
you can't hang me
tied to my job a blast scene alibi tied to a tree in a blind alley
nothing before / a big fear / don't get caught / by her father's friends / swamp girl faded / the tiger's wife / a frenzied love / hot climate / twisted passions / flesh parade / dead ahead / a world so wide / big river love camp / the house boy and hill girl / the agony column / don't crowd me / it's time for crime / strange breed river girl's misery index / inside my head my dog's a bear / she was significant / i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
inside my head my dog's a bear
she was significant
i'm insane
This may not have anything to do with the original thingymabibby, but whatever...
Somebody gleaned my email off a site relating to my research I guess... because I've received several spam emails (surprisingly not more) in the past couple months offering me killer deals on silicon wafers, and coating supplies and other shit I really don't need.
Why the hell are they sending me this!!! Is there really someone out there sending spam for that crap, because really that just seems bizarre and a waste of time. How many nerds who would know what to do with those supplies are actually dumb enough to want to buy anything from these spammers!?
Argh!
Presently here, but not there.
It's being sent to you by aliens. Oh didn't you know that? Here's something to get you started...
It is next to the '-key on my german keyboard, you insensitive clod! ;)
http://www.sperare.com/spam_poetry/blogger.html
pretty good IMHO - made only out of the subject lines from the SPAM.
In the long run we are all dead. - John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946)
honestly... i don't see why so many people bitch about spam... just don't give out your primary email address to people you don't know.... and no spame comes your way... open a yahoo acount... get yahooPOPS.... and if you ever need to give out your email to some website give them the yahoo one... in my university account i get maybe one spame mail a week, which is usually caught by their filter.... if you enter your email address in anything you don't trust its blllllahh@hotmail.com... if you need to recieve something from the site its whatever@yahoo.com... if its someone you know give them your real address...=NO SPAM... its not that difficult....
dude... that cow doesn't look 18..... kobe should start asking for ID
2) Why bother? My spam filter catches all but a few of my spam emails, then automatically deletes them after a week so I have chance to check over them.
By giving out a different email address, you aren't helping network load. For message boards it's helpful to supply a correct email,as you can then receive reply notification (a la /.) Therefore, you may as well just have a decent spam filter on your regular address - you'll have the same amount of spam, but less incovenience.
im in ur
Got this spam mail a while back, no attached file, no javascript or anything and no ad, just this text:
austins the name spammins mAh game
you mess wit da 47 man, pshh you aint g0t n0 plan
step t0 mah elite mailin skillz, joo best head to da hillzzzzz
when 47 gets j00 ya best call up yah crew, or imma come rat -ta -tat tat
0n y0 punk azzz with MAH GAT!
Subject: "Jetfuel, Babe Chicken Kiev"
Subject: "jesus,Hi, Need a $5000.00 loan to help yourself?"
Subject: "oblate gumbo horehound deborah"
Subject: "Guarantmonoceroseed to profanticipateit with ebay"
Subject: "hi there.You are so fat i cant stand to look at you."
From: Waldo Reagan
Subject: detroitqyifaimhspk
From: expurgate Fitzgerald
"Every day you see a lot you teens on the streets but you never know what do they usually do when alone! You think studying and learning poems? You're wrong then."
"Order these pills: , S|o|ma ~ Pn.t.ermin , v1aGr@ = Valiu+m+ % X_A_Nax \ At`|v@n Plus: X3nica`|, Am.bi3n, S0:naTa, Fl3xe.ril, Ce|3.brex, Fi0r.ic3t, Tram@do.|, U|tr.@m, L3v|t.ra, Pr0p3c:ia, Acyc|0.vir, P:r0z@c, P@x.il, B.usp@r, Ad|pe:x, I0*nam|n, M3:ridia"
ayahner, I hope you've asked for permission to embed those images on your site (and then submit it to slashdot),
some people don't like that sort of thing
And next to the white flag on the French one
--
What would Bill Clinton do?
I get spam sent to an email address that I've never given out. I guess they've just randomly generated my address and keep sending me crap - it's all from the same 5 or 6 people.
---
"I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything that I thought it could be."
One *can* make chicken salad out of chicken shit!!
I work in psychiatry, and I recently recieved this spam, which was sent to numerous well-known scientists in the field of psychiatry. Not only does it display some rather poetically bad translations, but it is also a rather cleverly jaded attack on the field of biological psychiatry....
.
This is the poem:
what happens if i clone 1000 transexuals
or 1000 skyzofreniks
or 1000 maniacs
or 1000 serial killers
or 1000 idiots?
so why not to ask this easy routine question
did your parents acted with you like acted with their friends
in evry case eat many phospor.
choice if evry phrase is true or false.
3 are the cases : i lie knowing im lying, i lie NOT knowing im lying, i got the reason(and its
not important if i know or i dont).
if you dont forward this letter to 19 people you will receive an ictus in 4 days.
1)
law is exact science, medicine is exact science.
eating a cow is cannibalism: the cow has 97.2% DNA matching with human DNA.
2)
sigmund freud lies not knowing he's lying: he is a pedophile who say children has sexual attraction for parents(edipus) and that mind is builded with 3 parts (ego superego es) and others funny things
like freud says,the cognitive error is associated with patology : the person trust false thinghs (lies not knowing he is lying) and makes wrongs things.
3)
if i menace the child to eat, the child answers with compulsive eating/refuse of food.
>>>>>DID YOUR PARENTS ACTED WITH YOU LIKE ACTED WITH THEIR FRIENDS??
too often this routine question isnt requested.
until opposing prove,there isnt genetical-familiar ereditariety of patological behaviors,which are conditioned reflexs when consequence of imprinting of patological behavior , that is easy to mismatch with the other 1 because familiarly transmitted.
we cant say that there is genetic predisposition to a psychopatology until we have controlled that the subject hasn't taken injuries , of whitch he also been convinced he is guilty and not victim
4)
example:
egyptians kill gays
but children dont born gays
egyptians corrupt and kill children
doing a sacrifice to the gay devil
you have to do like god condamned you
you dont have to grace by yourself from original sin with baptism
otherwise you return immortal ecc.
revolution kamerades will be treated with other comunists
Even though I've taken those steps, my primary account still gets some spam. I'm not sure how or why it happened...
--RJ
The white flag? Is that the surrender key?
The Tao of math: The numbers you can count are not the real numbers.
The RNDTXT project is all about creating art from the random words that appear in SPAM. I especially like Vicimus GEGAN an ambiant piece created with Python, cSound, sox and FreeTTS.
I don't think sites like this encourages spam. I think MONEY encourages spam. The problem is that the .0001% of people who actually respond to spam generate enough revenue that the spammers stay at it.
appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars
This
is not spam.
A certain Zen-like quality.
Once you get to 500 every 12 hours THEN you can complain :)
But back OT.. spam as poetry? Why would i even want to read my spam to find out, let alone USE it in something? Sheesh..
---- Booth was a patriot ----
Party Time: Excellent
I just thought I'd F.Y.I. you about my new A.M.D. I got from I.B.M. It has 1 G.B. of R.A.M. and a sleek AC.97 compliant T.H.X. sound card. The H.D.D. cound use enlargement, but 40 G.B. is not that bad. Overall, I think the C.P.U. is sweet. But, of course, all that still can't get me to R.T.F.A. on /.
You can have it fast, accurate, or pretty. Pick any 2.
Make More Money Now!
If you are already rich,
Enlarge your penis!
The answer would apparently be that a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters will write a ton of spam and the occasional poem. I feel cheated somehow.
And these were followed by useless 'unsubscribe' links:
Of all, my faves are "Crazy Turmoil" and "Personally I Woohoooo It Is."
*****
Dear Mary,
I yearn for you tragically,
A.T. Tappman, Chaplain, U.S. Army.
Don't forget about Spam as Music.
Josh Woodward
Does anybody know, what kind of poetry generation software the spammers use? I am working on a similar project since some years. Check: this and this.
I got one student last year who didn't graduate. Since the day after he left i receive hundreds of spams a day at my office account. Not much you can do about that. (I could sue him, of course, but I don't want to do that.)
if you get enough spam will it one day write the works of Shakespeare? ;)
-- Programming with boost is like building a house with lego. It's a cool but I wouldn't want to live in it
Woman Unhappy
Enlightenment of Reason
Your Penis Too Small
In God we trust, all others require data.
If he had taken time to backspace he wouldn't have gotten FIRST POST.
'Twas another day in Nigeria
And I was all alone
No woman would date me
Because I could not get a bone.
I had $20 billion dollars
I would share it with all
But no woman would date me
Because my penis was too small.
Then suddenly, an e-mail came
A new hope! A new cure!
"Get a bigger erection
With our pill, for sure."
I bought the pills
And they really worked!
But when my woman found out
She broke up with me
Because she thinks I'm a desperate jerk.
There's a difference between the "2nd Annual Poetry Spam" and "Satire Wire's New Spam Poets Crowned" contests and the spam i.. uh... wrote.
I didn't modify ANY punctuation, nor did I insert my own words.
Strictly spam is the closest, but most of it takes a spam email, usually about penis enlargement, real-estate, etc, and the writers rearrange it.
Mine doesn't do that. While I occasionally take lines from human readable text, I mostly took phrases from auto-generated strings of semi-grammatcally correct spam filter avoidance mechanisms.
Very similar to cut-up poetry.
Also, note that these poems, as you get into the later ones, start to have meaning. I actually got into it and really enjoyed it, though there's not much reason I should.
Possibly, I'll post some of my actual poetry, though it's not any better...
I don't get it. Spam poetry, spam letters, spam this, and spam that. Spam is a nuisance, always was, always will be.
If you don't want to delete your spam immediately and want to do something interesting with it, write abuse complaints.
But don't expect me to waste time reading spam that I already spent lots of time with by trying to filter and delete it.
Sorry, but I just don't get it.
Blessed friend,
... Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" Let us go and make our visit.
allow me to introduce myself. I am J Alfred Prufrock, the executor of Timothy Sterns Eliot. No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; Am an attendant lord, one that will do To swell a progress, start a scene or two. I am contacting you as the relative named in Mr Elliott's will. A sum of $37 million awaits you in a bank account here in Nigeria. To transfer the money to you I require your bank details, address, credit card number and your views on the works of Ezra Pound. I also will need a sum of $4,000 to help with local expenses - a small investment given the blessed blessings you will receive. (And would it have been worth it, after all, Would it have been worth while, After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets, After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor And this, and so much more?) Time is most urgent (In a minute there is time For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse) so please be quick to send me everything. When I have your details we will arrange to meet here in Nigeria to meet a banking acquaintance to complete the exchange. Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherised upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question
May God Bless You,
JA Prufrock
"We are all of us in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars" - Oscar Wilde
where? I know there are many people in the world who disagree with me, but IMHO if it doesn't have a recognizable meter and rhyme scheme it isn't a poem. It may be very creative prose or an interesting word salad, but just simply isn't a poem. I think it is defining other then this one that are partially responsible for the loss of interest in poetry that has been seen in recent years. Removing all the discipline and skill from poetry and making it little more then a word scrambling contest. How long would people continue to have interest in watching professional soccer ( football ) if we eliminated the score board and the goal posts, so it required no particular skill or even a basic knowledge of a structure to play the game. Also, remember no one now wins or loses and there is no player better then another no matter what they might do because there are no rules. Poetry is a discipline and there are different forms, but rhyme and rhythm are the two required elements.where? I know there are many people in the world who disagree with me, but IMHO if it doesn't have a recoginzable metter and rhyme scheme it isn't a poem. It may be very creative prose or an intersting word salad, but just simply isn't a poem. I think it is defining other then this one that are partially responsible for the loss of interest in poetry that has been seen in recent years. Removing all the discipline and skill from poetry and making it little more then a word scrambling contest. How long would people continue to have intrest in watching professional soccer ( football ) if we eliminated the score board and the goal posts, so it required no particular skill or even a basic knowledge of a structure to play the game. Also, remember no one now wins or loses and there is no player better then another no matter what they might do because there are no rules. Poetry is a discipline and there are different forms, but rhyme and rhythem are the two required elements.
âoeTolerance applies only to persons, but never to truth. Intolerance applies only to truth, but never to persons.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
Poems write you
(from bash.org)
Transfer $8,000,000
Send passport I'll share with you
Thank you and God Bless
What the heck is a 'sig'?
In future there may well be people with those names:
b elle, etc, etc....
:(
For now we have:
Apple
Peaches
Brooklyn
TigerLily
Fifi-trixi
Celebrities and their evil cult following
(Could always call your kid SKULLCAP suppose, no one messes with SKULLCAP. he he)
R.A. Wilson and William Burroughs would love this.
Well, it ain't Shakespeare.
--
As a matter of fact, I am a lawyer. But I play an actor on TV.
Honestly. You'd swear an AI would have better judgement that to spew for Spammers. (Of course, judgement is what its all about.)
MSBPodcast.com The opinions expressed here are my own. If you don't like 'em... Think up your own stuff.
Deftly lift the thin fingers from the keyboard Jam them in the ear holes deeply without regret Stir briskly The content is encrypted Spiral to doom Now for a nice game of HIDE and GO fuck yourself The pearl charm skins the ass crack Chumley
"I'm just here to regulate funkiness."
Bring it on, critic boy.
The funniest spam/virus I've come across yet:
Subject: ^_^ meay-meay!
I don't bite, weah!
Attached was a virus or trojan in a zip file with a code to open it in the e-mail.
"meay-meay!" has been an ongoing inside joke with some friends.
You have the advantage of me! :)
Fascism was a counter-revolution against a revolution that never took place.
Aspb, looking for a site to buy medication?
Blame is a lazy man's wages.
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing, but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
We are able to ship worldwide
An empty house is like a stray dog or a body from which life has departed.
Go here and get it
You are absolutely anonymous!
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
A poor joke must invent its own laughter.
But I'm on a Mac, you insensitive clod!
I found your quote - and a few others - a couple of years ago in my community's newsletter. . . The story of the first grade teacher apocryphal? Don't know. But funny.
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Stolen from Timber Ridge's September 2000 news letter:
"A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. The insight may surprise you."
Better safe than . .
"Punch a 5th grader."
Strike while the . .
"Bug is close."
It's always darkest before . .
"Daylight Savings Time."
Never underestimate the power of . .
"Termites."
You can lead a horse to water but . .
"How?"
Don't bite the hand that . .
"Looks dirty."
No news is . .
"Impossible."
A miss is as good as a . .
"MR."
You can't teach a dog new . .
"Math."
If you lie down with dogs, you'll . .
"Stink in the morning."
Love all, trust . .
"ME."
The pen is mightier that the . .
"Pigs."
An idle mind is . .
"The best way to relax."
Where there's smoke there's . .
"Pollution."
Happy the bride who . .
"Gets all the presents."
Two's company, three's . .
"The Musketeers."
Don't put off till tomorrow what . .
"You put on to go to bed."
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . .
"You have to blow your nose."
Children should be seen and not . .
"Spanked or grounded."
If at first you don't succeed . .
"Get new batteries."
You get out of something what you . .
"See pictured on the box."
When the blind leadeth the blind . .
"Get out of the way."