Slashdot Mirror
AOL to be Split into 4 Units
unsupported writes "AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription). "
They form the lamest robot in the entire universe... AOLtron!
...... and how is this news?
Seriously. AOL probably already operated this way anyway, so what's the big whoop?
Good quote, too many chars. Seriously, the slashdot 120 char limit sucks!
I was so worried about their financial well being! I'm nearly out of coasters.
Is that the Spanish version?
"AOL is apparently dividing into four units to provide a clear direction for each. The four divisions are as follows: Audience (Advertising, and AOL IM, Moviefon, Mapquest, Netscape.com), Access (dial-up, highspeed), AOL Europe (for the foreigners), and Digital Services (Premium services, phone and music subscription)."
None of which will regain profitability.
Does this mean I can get four times as many drink-coasters every month? I just moved into a bigger place, so I need some.
Seriously though, will this provide newfound independence for the Netscape folks, and newfound options for the browsers associated with them? Or will it just be a management shift that has no practical effect on the rest of the world?
Trying to use sarcasm in text-based forums does not work.
you know, AOL and Time-Warner????
When I tell an object to delete this, am I killing it or telling it to kill me?
You forgot the 5th unit, which is more important then the rest.
It's the "Me too!" unit.
-= Stefan
94% of Repubs and 21% of Dems voted to renew the Patriot Act
The last thing AOL needs is a focused advertising unit.
At least America isn't alone in it's fight against the plague also known as AOL.
Microsoft!
But only after MS has a really bad quarter.
Chas - The one, the only.
THANK GOD!!!
What a coincidence, I just finished a round of Secret of Mana with plenty of those damn Green Drops.
AOL still has a few more years left in them. Cable and DSL haven't quite become ubiquitous, and there are enough people in the "heartland" who aren't familiar enough with the Internet to know better.
Their new commercials purport to make the Internet better - that's the market AOL has to reach, people who think their software is the Internet.
It doesn't have much longer, though. Education will put AOL to a slow death unless they drastically reform their business to revolve around the things they do get right (like messaging) instead of "access" and "customer support" (both in scare quotes for obvious reasons).
Maybe if you split the Time and the Warner parts off, you'd have even clearer direction, AOL?
Who really cares how AOL runs their business?
Except maybe the 1000 or so people they'll no doubt layoff with this "corporate restructuring" crap.
No, I did not RTFA because I really don't care.
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
As long as it's splitting up, for less confusion, couldn't *AMERICA* Online Europe, become... Europe Online? The good news is that we now get 3 times the CDs... Now if only we found a fun/useful thing to do with them...
Will cd-r manufacturers be able to keep up?
28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds... that is when the world will end.
You saw the story? What medium? Was it a book, movie, filmstrip? All of the above?
The "I-hardly-know-English" outsourced tech support division.
...4 seperate units with clearly designed roles ....
umm, given how abstract that collection looks, I'd say they need to divide into about 5 MORE groups or atleast better defined/organize groups. Haven't these people ever designed a Db?
.
1. telecomm (subscriptions, and telephony)
2. media (music & movies)
3. Advertising
Do they just try too hard to be elitest?
"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." ~Plato (427-347 BC)
AOL was marketed as an ISP for non technical people. This justified that added expense. Most families these days have at least one member who know at least a little bit about computing and sees that AOL is not needed. Its cheaper to get access from someone else and add the features you want. I suppose its because the internet has been around long enough for the general public (say 10 years of real viable public access?) so that either the adults have taken an interest or they have kids who know a great deal about it all. Seriously, AOL is just not worth the added expense. This new racket about including free anti-virus and spyware blocking is not going to change anything. Breaking into four main organisation is not the answer either. What they need to do is set their prices competitively and get some innovative content.
This sets the stage to spin the pieces off into separate companies, or to sell them.
I doubt AOL-TimeWarner has much AOL left once the "Baby AOLs" are operating a little more independently.
sigs, as if you care.
In other words, the future of the company depends on some kind of restructuring or refocusing, and they're looking to sell part of themselves. This is an attempt to package some part of their business for easy sale, while at the same time making possible an evaluation of just which part it is they want to sell.
If aspiration is a virtue, achievement cannot be a vice.
I'm suddenly imagining their little yellow logo guy being drawn and quartered....not pretty.. :-P
DEAD DEAD DEAD DELETE ME
The Open Directory Project (ODP) at dmoz.org is the "largest human-edited directory in the world" and is "owned" by AOL since it came from Netscape ... although it's mostly community volunteers helping out, although AOL provides hardware and some staffing assistance.
Hulk SMASH Celiac Disease
Does that mean my AOL Stock will quadruple? Or will this just create 4x the mess that already exists?
and its secret weapon is repeatedly firing fast rotating 30-day trial discs. OH THE HORROR!
but no thanks!
So now they're just down to AOL, AOL Instant Messenger, AOL TV, Asiaweek, Atlanta Braves, Atlanta Hawks, Atlanta Thrashers, Atlantic Records, Baby Talk, Book-of-the-Month Club, Capitol Records, Cartoon Network, Castle Rock Entertainment, Cinemax, CNN, CNNfn, Coastal Living, Columbia House, Comedy Central, CompuServe, Cooking Light, Court TV, DC Comics, Digital City, eCompany Now, Elektra, EMI, Entertaindom.com, Entertainment Weekly, Family Life, Fortune Magazine, Goodwill Games, Hanna-Barbera, HBO, Headline News, Health Magazine, ICQ, InStyle, Life Magazine, Little Brown, Looney Tunes, Mad Magazine, Money Magazine, MovieFone, Netscape, New Line Cinema, NY1 News, People Magazine, Progressive Farmer, Qwest, Real Simple, Rhino, Road Runner, Southern Accents, Southern Living, Spinner, Sports Illustrated Magazines, Sunset, TBS, Teen People, Telepictures Productions, This Old House, Time Magazines, Time Warner Cable, TNT, Tommy Boy Music, Turner Classic Movies, Virgin Records, Warner Brothers Companies (Movies, Television Network, Video, Music, Stores), and Winamp.
AOL Europe? They still do business around here??
The last time I saw an AOL cd was in 1998...
It was orange. So was my Half-life cd.
So naturally, I threw away my HL disc.
I hate AOL, they killed Gordon =(
And, this isn't trolling - this is just looking at the facts of AOL's business. They're completely surrounded by superior services that cost less and don't have the "Me Too!" stigma attached. I was wondering when AOL was going to start splitting itself up. Keep an eye open for it to sell each of these divisions off to a competitor.
RS
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
My first thought at seeing the headline.
This makes sense because they are loosing such market share in their dial up business splitting their company up makes it easier to keep the profitable entities alive while looking for somewhere to dump the unprofitable ones.
Nick Powers
Encryption: I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend your right to encrypt it...
i thought printing & shipping CDs was their main task
EOL stands for "end of life", but that's what we'd all want, right?
Anyway, "AOL" is a brand name, an opaque identifier. European subscribers seem to associate "AOL" with a specific online service provider rather than with the words "America Online", just as they associate "DSL" with "high-speed Internet access provided over the phone line" rather than with the words "digital subscriber line".
And we've all seen which direction that is.
Leelo Time-Warner Multipass!
Edna! Whip up a batch of poppycorn. Dis here is gonna be a good one, yesiree bob!
--- Ban humanity.
Is AOL (Access) or AOL (Audience) sending me these CDs?
If YOU want to get rid of them send them to:
No More AOL CDs!
1601 Navellier St.
El Cerrito CA, 94530
U.S.A.
http://www.nomoreaolcds.com/
Grundgesetz * 23. Mai 1949 - 30. November 2007 - http://www.vorratsdatenspeicherung.de/
Why need aol moviefon when Kramer does a kickass job? (quote from memory)
.. what? .......... ... Why not just tell me the name of the movie you'd like to see!
Kramer: If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1 now
George: *press* Comon comon..
Kramer: Using your touchtone pad, please press the first three letters of the movie now
George: *presses*
Kramer: You selected... Agent Zero, if that is correct press One
George:
Kramer: You selected... Brown Eyed Girl. If that is correct, press 1
George:
Kramer:
What it really sounds like is them deciding how to better divide the blame for lost subscriptions.
Often wrong but never in doubt.
I am Jack9.
Everyone knows me.
Restructuring seems to be the way Boards of Directors justifies layoffs, blaming the placement of the "walls" for poor performance, rather than looking at lacking innovation, morale, and business savvy.
Besides the already-commented-about possibility of selling off parts, in this day and age the notion of dividing up divisions of a company differently just seems to fly in the face of the path of the enlightened employer of the 21st century.
By segmenting into distinct groups, you facilitate the blame game and hamper communication. This kind of restructuring certainly isn't what you do to revitalize.
500GB of disk, 5TB of transfer, $5.95/mo
"In the days ahead, when our transition to a new structure has been completed, we will have a streamlined organization with clear roles and responsibilities"
In other words... "Well try this for a while to see if it works or now, I don't actually have a clue if it will or not". And in reality it is nothing more then a cover for...
"especially at a time like this when we have announced plans for layoffs."
In other words: "CEO bonus here I come!" And I can't leave out this jewel:
"giving each [unit] responsibility for its own operations and financial performance."
So you have developer x in group 1 and group 2 needs developers x skills, but they have to first put in a REQ and get financiall approval or even worse hiring a new person and meanwhile developer x sits around idly. I predict project slowdowns stock dropping and in 12 months a "New Plan".
-Benjamin Meyer
Do you changes clothes while making the "chee-chee-cha-cha-choh" transformation sound?
Corporate reorgs are not usually front page material.
sulli
RTFJ.
You mean like this and this?
(Background: "Drop Out" is one of the more challenging songs in Konami's Dance Dance Revolution, taking even more stamina than keeping up with nine chatterbox AOLers in IM conversations.)
There's a great Slate article that discusses the problems AOL is having and how their new ads don't help matters any for them.
My geek instinct has been tapped by your mention of "Secret of Mana," yet I can find no relevence between your post and the story. This scares and confuses me.
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'.
I heard an ad on the radio yesterday for netscape internet, for $9.95 a month (www.getnetscape.com). Apparently they are trying to compete with netzero. I wonder which of the 4 groups this will be a part of.
I used to know lots of people on AOL but now I don't any. They have become totally irrelevant to the Internet.
Art Makers Just an excuse to show photos of naked women !!
So instead of sucking a lot all in one, AOL will suck on a smaller scale 4 different times?
You won't hate yourself in the morning if you don't get up before noon.
The 4 units will be named:
- Overcharging
- Limiting/Reducing Quality of Service
- Cancellation Deflection/Avoidance
- Demo CD Manufacturing and Distribution
Not to worry, they will all be guided by AOL's core mission: TO SUCK!
You didn't care enough to RTFA, but you cared enough to post telling us how much you don't care. Thus showing us how much you do care. You care enough to not care, but are very passionate about your not caring. You want us to care that you don't care. Or perhaps you want us to care how much you care that you don't care? Well, buddy, I just wanted you to know that I care about wheather you wanted us to care about you not caring or wanted us to care about you caring about not caring. And I hope that everyone else cares about me caring about you either wanting us to care about you not caring or wanting us to care about you caring about you not caring. Just thought I'd write this to let you all know I care.
Well.. maybe. Or Maybe not. But Definitely not sort of.
Apparently prayer does work, as AOL has finally drawn and quartered itself.
Eventually, it will reduce itself to 64 small startup sized companies, 63 of which will fail. Just what I've always wanted to see: a living example of the DotCom bubble in reverse.
What's next? Maybe Microsoft will join them in self-dismemberment?
(Pray early, pray often...)
TLR
A man no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company
Does this mean the stock will split too?
I get it. This is like the "work" that Darryn Stevens used to do on "Bewitched" for Larry Tate. It's a kind of shuffling papers around, bringing home briefcases, and complaining to your wife that your "work" is "demanding". It's also an excuse to bring the "boss" home for dinner.
Like Mr. Mooney on "I Love Lucy" and whatever Mike Brady's boss was called on "The Brady Bunch."
(And what's Dick Van Dyke's boss called?)
It's amazing how "work" is portrayed in these shows. (Whoops -- forgot about George Jetson's boss, too.) These idiot bosses who cause so much stress and marital stife.
But when you actually grow older and sorta merge into one of these "offices" -- as a writer, developer, coder, programmer, manager, whatever -- you realize the dirty secret: that for fuck's sake, you *do* sign stupid forms and push paper from the inbox to the outbox and fret about your idiot boss. That Larry Tate hasn't gone anywhere -- he's just gotten a different bad suit.
There's no mystery. Work is bullshit. Corporations are bullshit. You have meetings. You have "ten o'clocks". It's demoralizing. It saps your spirit. You look at old episodes of "Bewitched" and you scratch your head. Larry Tate is everywhere. "Mr. Tate, you have a couple minutes?"
Why are we so fucking derferential to the instruments of our subordination? Fuck Larry Tate and his little narrow-cut Hagar slacks and his white shirts and black ties. Here's a fucking clue for our European friends, too: the new American religion is Larry Tate. It's always been Larry Tate. It's even Larry Tate for the right-wingers who think that what America needs is "moral values". The fucking red states? They're red because everybody doesn't understand that Larry Tate is fucking everywhere. I'll take your Islamic fundamentalism and raise you one big fucking Larry Tate. Sharia? That's right. "Mr. Tate, I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again." "You're right you won't do it again, Darryn, because you're fired." "But Mr. Tate." "But nothing. Goodbye, Darryn."
Even Trump falls under the spell of Larry Tate.
Bah.
One part is the A
the other one is the O
then the L
and finally the null terminator...
how long until
Oh! Gosh! Is that what's it's all about? Thinking clearly? Damn! And here I was wasting my time with muddled thinking and piffly nonsense! Argh! Damn my simian decended brain! Why can't I be a being of pure knowledge like our glorious MBA annointed masters?
And this guy probably makes 20 times my salary despite the fact that my job involves deep knowledge of the universe and has actually contributed to my employer's bottom line.
Shit like this makes me want to go out and stab 20 people at random.
AOL is apparently dividing into four units...
I warned you! I warned you all! All you consultants with your 6 sigma plans and your lean production theories and your total quality management architectures! You have unleashed this process upon us, with your fishbone diagrams and SIPOC charts and homogeneity of variance tests!
Four units?! And next month it'll split into 16 units, and then 64, then 256... By the 2008 presidental election battle between Hillary Clinton and Billy Graham, it'll fill the Known Universe with its foul stench! Doomed are we! Doomed, I tell you!
--- Ban humanity.
As if I wasn't getting enough free CD's in my mailbox, now I'll get four a day instead of simply 1.
Now That's progress.
Don't Crease the Weasel!
Coaster Rangers, those mighty table-protectin' coaster ray-ain-gers. Come on, you know the AOL buddy is really the Yellow Ranger. Wow, AOL might be trying to gain Real Power, since they are becoming more like space Ninjas and all with the four forming parts.
the folks at aol are going to have to face the reality that dialup is just not as relevant as it once was.
there are many ways to connect to the net and bypass their filtered system and filtered content.
their software cannot be controlled (it downloads updates on its own), their model is becoming obsolete, and their subscriber base has always been the un-net-educated.
as users become more sophisticated, they move away from aol because aol is incapable of providing that next step of service.
if tw/aol had any brains they would've combined the tw road runner service with aol from the get-go and then let you switch to earthlink or the other online companies.
by allowing broadband customers the ability to completely bypass the software and connect to the net, tw sealed aol's fate.
Is it 5:30 yet?
Just like Superman has Kryptonite, its Archilles heel is SPAM
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
America Online Europe
(i know, i know, no one in Europe really needs to know what "A" in "AOL" stands for...)
Is Time Warner part of any of those divisions?
A Multiplayer Strategy Game for Mac OS X, Windows, and Linux
BTW, I found their fine print a bit funny:
*Web Accelerator can load certain Web page text and graphics faster than with a standard 56k dial-up Internet service. Actual speeds may vary. **Pop-up Blocker requires Internet Explorer® 5.5 or higher. *** E-mail acceleration may not be compatible with certain computer systems.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Man, you kids... It's all about the mighty Voltron(s). Power Rangers just ripped off the idea of 5 robots joining together to form one big robot.
I've always refer to AOL as AOHell long before it was cliche. Looks like we now have the four horsemen
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Pretty depressing. Let me life people's spirits. I work for a large software company. I love my job. The code I write is new and interesting, real R&D. My teamates are almost all bi-lingual, many tri-lingual or better. Our meetings are few. I can close the door to my office and write code however I want. We have little paper shuffling. Direction comes down from the top, status goes up from the bottom, and ideas come from anywhere in the organization. The tools we use are our own business, whatever makes us most productive. Our hours are flexible. The projects are challenging. Our pay is above average and the benefits are in the top tier of companies nationwide. I love my job. It's nothing like that portrayed above. I guess it all depends on what you find.
No, that's these guys.
First consolidation was "IN". They gobbled up Time warner to become AOL-Time Warner. Then consolidation became "OUT" concept and they were spun off after being blamed for being the loss leader of the group. Now they are splitting into smaller pieces, to merge again in the future.. Story never changes. AOL is the same behemoth despite however many pieces you divide or adjoin it. It is just for a Wall Street only show. Nothing for you and me, the Joe/Jane the customer in it. We are not invited to see the play.
__________
The more I know people, the more I love animals
If they would just stop producing those millions of cds and sending them to the world and focus on keeping there 20+ Million customers they would be ok...
This seems to be what big corps do from time to time to regain a few points in the market.
Remember way back when, when Atari (then owned by Warner), was split into the Arcade, Home Computer, and Consoles divisions? Did it change anything? Not really. Atari still died a slow, horrible death - although at least the new owners of the name help it sorta live on...
But Time-Warner certainly aren't the only ones who do this. I've watched G.E. spilt up divisions, only to put them back together again in six months time.
"...Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam..."
On the bright side now we'll be able to enjoy watching AOL go out of business four times instead of just once.
"Ha," says the state trooper. "There is no Division Six."
FLASH!
Take off every sig. For great justice.
Although restructuring is a ceo's task to cover someone else's butt or his(traditionally)
This may actually be beneficial to aol. AOL has always been the ISP for the internet newbie, and if the reorganization can help their broadband division actually give good services that are worth paying for, they may stick around.
As of now, their broadband and dial-up services have different aims, and you can not really keep those two together in the same division. AOL has got to step up and deliver a broadband service that gives something for the money you pay them.
They have started with the spyware removal and other neat things that work well for the busy family who does not have time to do that themselves. But they really need to seperate this service from their dial-up service. It is distinctly different in terms of scope. I looked it up because a friend of mine wanted to switch to broadband. He thought that AOL actually offered a broadband connection for $9.99 a month. After I told him what it did, he was still confused and couldn't figure out why someone would pay for that. Of course, he is a little ignorant of the net, but if he can not understand the need for this, a lot of potential user's out there also do not understand what AOL's broadband service is. This may be why AOL needs to seperate its two different services, because I have a feeling lots of ppl here also do not know what their broadband servoce is exactly. Maybe a seperate division will help distinguish what these two entities are exactly.
But in reality, I do not see the purpose of them dividing up into four seperate divisions instead of just the two. I guess this is what happens when corporate america has someone in their elitist circle that they need to protect from losing their 40 hour a week paid solitaire playing job. Or maybe four is the CEO's lucky number....
Some tips for the boys and girls at AOL:
1. A commercial showing 19 gazillion people lining up outside your corporate headquarters to complain is probably, how shall I say, ill-advised?
2. Speaking of which, I've got a idea on how you can make the Internet better: Stop undermining your own product *cough*Netscape*cough*. Next thing you know, they'll be telling their subscribers that they have to use the MSN front-end to access the AOL service.
3. If you're in Europe, then you're sure the heck not America Online are you, cheesedick? Rename that division. America's stock in the world isn't too high right now, so make the A stand for something else. I know this has been pointed out ad infinitum, but I think it bears repeating since the geniuses over there obviously haven't caught on yet.
4. Be a uniter, not a divider. Please merge with another company and finally collapse under your own weight, already. What good is splitting up in four gonna do?
5. Newsflash: Joining AOL is not like joining the mob. People can get out and go to a competitor if they want. They don't have to explain themselves to you. Don't like people signing up for the free trial than canceling before they have to pay? Costing you too much? Aww poor babies, let me go cry you a tear or two. Guess what, when you try that marketing bullshit, them's the breaks.
You can look at reorganizing and restructuring and all that jazz till you're blue in the face, but there comes a time to look within and come to terms with your own irrelevance. Getting onto the "Internets" isn't tough anymore. People are catching on.
Adapt or die. Preferably the latter.
I've been around the whole dotcom phenomenon long enought to recognize this very typical tactic.
When a company divides into independent units, that means that they're prepping a division for sale or dismantlement.
Typically, you'll see a geographical component to the division, so that ties can be severed cleanly, and there's more of a financial gain (facilities expense goes away, HR effort to maintain the separate health insurance, legal climante, tax burden, etc. goes away).
The function of whichever unit goes, will be outsourced.
If you're an employee of one of these units, start looking for the danger signs.
Is the cost of living in your region higher than others?
Did the higher-up officers at your site relocate to some other site?
Do they remodel other sites, but not yours?
Do they fail to change the lightbulbs when they burn out?
Did they close your site's cafeteria?
Did they eliminate your onsite IT group in favor of "remote support"?
Do officers visit less and less frequently to share corporate news or policy?
Is there a hiring freeze at your location?
When was the last time you got a new desktop machine?
When was the last time you got training?
Does your site have a security presence 24x7?
Funniest bit is when they retag all the assets. Then in future years, you know your site is next when you get all the assets from the first site they shut down, with their old asset tags.
These are my friends, See how they glisten. See this one shine, how he smiles in the light.
I used to get dozens of the floppies and format them. These CDs are nigh on useless... if only they had the common decency to not close the disc session! (AFAIK, the new AOL CDs are mass burned, not stamped).
This is hilarious. Putting people in the Access unit is a great way of telling them that it's high time they started writing up their respective resumés.
AOL Europe (for the foreigners)
Was that supposed to be funny?
Not everything is analogous to cars. Car analogies rarely work.
That will be their new name.
Drawn and Quartered. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drawn_and_quartered
"AOL est omnis divisa in partes quattuor" /sorry julius
What do they offer over and above plain vanilla internet access?
Why isn't it the rational:
"I don't know, therefore Aliens" Wafflebox1
Create four layers of bureaucracy, management, and infrastructure where there used to be only one?!
It sort of makes since if Time/Warner wants AOL to fail as an excuse to dump it. But for any other reason, it makes no sense to me.
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
AOL could have subdivided into two divisions just as easily. Why not just call the two divisions alpha and bravo company?
foreigners?????
typical uneducated, arrogant americans. when will you realize the world is bigger than your backdoor??
Bulletin: On instructions from the US Dept of Homeland Security, AOL has agreed to rename its AOL Europe unit. In accordance with Bush Administration Policy, the unit will now be known as EOL (for the foreigners).
See you on the game grid,
MCP
"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." --The American President (20.1.2009)
A newly appointed CEO has a conversation with the man he is replacing. The new guy asks, "what advice can you give me?". The old dog opens up a drawer and pulls out three envelopes.
"When you get into trouble the first time, open up letter number one and do what it tells you. When it happens again, use letter number two. And when it happens the third time, read letter number three."
With that, the old dog laughs and walks out the building.
A month later the new CEO is on the hotseat for missing the quarterly EPS mark. Right before the earnings conference call he reads letter number one - 'Blame me'. So the new CEO goes to the mike, blames the old CEO for bad management, and everyone walks away optimistic.
Three months later, the new CEO is on the hotseat again. He reads letter number two - 'Reorganize' So the new CEO tells everyone that the company is going to do a massive reorganization "to realign our business units with our core market paradigms.". The reporters grumble but accept the idea that the company is now on the right track.
Three months later, the new CEO is yet again facing major difficulties. He reads the last letter. 'Get three envelopes.'
*buhbumpbump*
AOL announced the other day, a new logo... pretty much the AOL logo on it's side.
AOL logo has 3 corners... so they create 4 divisions.
Just shows how well thought out and planned AOL is.
It's an F***ing mess.
"You could not see them anywhere on the "plain" Internet."
No, you had to go to the "plain" TV to see that crap.
n00Bs?
Oh wait. Never mind...
1. AOL 2. Me Too 3. Me Too 4. ME TOO (OMGLOL!)
-- There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
Me too!
Me too!
Me too!
Me too!
Don't you mean the internet will be split into four groups?
Amatuers On Line is restructuing? Maybe they should divide up this way:
Department of crap distribution - sends out coasters
Department of crap-consumer ananysis - finds out where the technically inept live so as to send them coasters
Department of ignorance - in most businesses, known as the "help desk"
Department of Chasing Pipe Dreams - Here, AOL attempts to do what everyone else has already done much better and earlier: broadband, VOIP, etc.
I truly detest AOL. I had them for free for a couple of months, and I quickly learned to minimize their app and just open my web browser or mIRC or whatever. Talk about annoying. I think Adaware should classify the AOL app as adware and delete it.
Also, I DO NOT ACCEPT AOL CDs. I write "Refused - Return to Sender" on them and ship them right back to the crap kingdom.
Meatwad: Quick question here... is it zesty ranch flavored?
Frylock: No, it's bean flavored.
Meatwad: Yuck city, have fun eating it, because I'm eating this.
6.3 million subscribers (Sept 30th) Time Warner Plans for Settlement
But the real question we should be asking is: Will any of the four parts cease to suck?
N'est pas?
THIS THING CAN TURN ON A DIME, MACROSSZERO STYLE ALSO FUCK BETA, ~NYORON
Soon, I think they're going to need a fifth deparment: Solely to hold all the virtual crap they put out onto the Internet.
America Online: So easy to use, no wonder the internet's virtual sewers are overflowing with virtual crap!
When you need great justice, take off every zig.
... in the same way as some posionous bacterial cell division process does, wouldn't u say?
Find a job you like and you will never work a day in your life.
Liberals: Kill children, save murderers.
Hmm, dreaming again?
In the Real World:
Conservatives: Fuck the Kyoto treaty, let the kids suffer.
Liberals: Decrease the deficit, tax the super rich.
"The likes of Facebook and WhatsApp are free to those whose privacy is of zero value."
Winamp -> Nullsoft
Also, don't forget some interesting partial stakes/alliances:
American Express
AT&T (through TCI)
THIS THING CAN TURN ON A DIME, MACROSSZERO STYLE ALSO FUCK BETA, ~NYORON
The MSN division has continually lost money since it's inception.
The four new units of AOL will be..
War
Famine
Pestilence
Death
"There is only a one in six billion chance that you actually exist"
If you take a cow patty and split it into say, five parts, does that make it less a cow patty?
"AOL Europe (for the foreigners)"
Watch who you're calling foreigner, pardner!
INSANELY MASSIVE layoffs? These days it seems every business decision results in massive layoffs, and the major ones result in major layoffs.
This is a classic strategey called Divide and Conquer.
Oh, wait. Never mind.
Alan Brady
Cosmo S. Spacely
Not since Marie-Antoinette played milkmaid has looking simple and honest been so fake and complicated.
cost to mutch
it suck
no good
send to many disk.
Me and my friends took a bisk and lit it on fire and froze it
slamed it angaisnt the boor.
Not since Marie-Antoinette played milkmaid has looking simple and honest been so fake and complicated.
We would have Internet Explorer, Halo, Windows, and MSN. Each company could compete to achieve the highest suck factor.
-- Mike Keryeski
http://freemp3players.fasturl.us
When I worked at AOL a few years ago (ack!) I heard that AOL Canada was doing quite poorly due to the negative associations that Canadians have with "America", notwithstanding the elsewhere-mentioned point that, technically, "America" != "USA"...
Side note on working at AOL: All AOL employees are (or at least were) required to have AOL accounts. There's no such thing as a free AOL account, even for employees (!), so when the company I worked for was acquired, we were told that we had to sign up for AOL accounts with our own personal credit cards. The vague plan was that we would be reimbursed by the company for the bills. Several of my co-workers believed them, signed up with their personal credit cards, and were then stuck with the well-known hassle of trying to get out of paying AOL once they have your credit information. Some of us, including myself, knew about AOL's legendary billing exploits, and signed up with a dummy credit account that was created for this purpose. I've never had any billing problems with my AOL account. :)
Think about it.
They never really get stuff done.
They drink all the time at work and at home.
Home is worse, because they have a wife who's cooped up all day with 2 kids.
So two guys hanging out together, pretending to work, dressing up, getting bombed 5 days a week. They drive nice cars, probably get some on the side (not shown in a 60's sitcom), drive the coolest commercials, and when he needs help from the little woman, she's literally a witch who would love to do anything for him, but he stops her. And you know the wives are naggy, but get bombed too, so that if you get bored and want to do the witch in the ass, she is *not* going to say "take it slow".
Sounds pretty fine to me.
"... and the Lord said, 'Behold, for my wrath upon the world shall be released as a flood of shiny platic discs that shall overwhelm the unbelievers and bury them in free trial offers. Repent! In 30 days! Or thine free account shall expire and thou shalt be condemned to the fires of MSN.'" - The Revelation of Steven Case 12:03
ha!! now well get four times as many :)
At least we didn't elect someone who uses resignate and subliminabable as words.
And to this day, you still not marked me as a FOE and yet I mock you everytime.
C-Span is funded entirely by the cable industry. So, to be precise it's your cable bill paying for it all.
does it go in "Audience" with the AIM group, or does it go in "Europe" with the foreigners group??? I hope they had split into FIVE groups, the fifth being "Mirabilis Ltd"... the good old OLD days... sigh.
Warning: Sig Fault. Dumping warp core.
Maybe this is not just for hype but limiting liability. Is this just going to be 4 departments, if so nothing has changed. But if they are making 4 entities then I see it as a move to limit liability.
You forgot the 5th. AOL india. ala Call-centres. Been speaking to those swine for hours now..."Just put me through to your manager! I assue you i know your script off by heart."
Does this mean I'll stop receiving those annoying AOL CD's in the mail?
Anyone else find it ironic that a company who's symbol is a triangle got split into 4 parts?