Cold War Standoff Over ISS Toilet
Hugh Pickens writes "The International Space Station, once a place where astronauts would share food and facilities, is said to be embroiled in a Cold War-like stand-off after a Russian cosmonaut complained he is no longer allowed to use a US toilet or the US gym machine. Gennady Padalka, a veteran Russian cosmonaut, says that space officials from Russia, the United States and other countries now require cosmonauts and astronauts to eat their own food and follow stringent rules on access to other facilities, including lavatories. Padalka, who will be the station's next commander, says the arguments date back to 2003, when Russia started charging other space agencies for the resources used by their astronauts and other partners in space station responded in kind. 'Cosmonauts are above the ongoing squabble, no matter what officials decide,' says Padalka. 'We are grown-up, well-educated and good-mannered people and can use our own brains to create normal relationship. It's politicians and bureaucrats who can't reach agreement, not us, cosmonauts and astronauts.' While sharing food in the past helped the crew feel like a team, the new rules oblige Russian cosmonauts and US astronauts to eat their own food. 'They also recommend us to only use national toilets,' says Padalka. 'What is going on has an adverse effect on our work.'"
What fucking idiot politician thought this up?
What was he eating that he clogged up the US toilet?
Then it turns out it's just petty politician squabbling. Gotta love politicians.
Self proclaimed typo king, and inventor of the bear destroying coffee table (patent not pending).
Politicians: Hard at work to put the "I" in ISS...
Bitten Apples are still better than dirty Windows...
They leave the seat up...
im sure some cave man council decided it would create too much cooperation between rival clans, and tried to stop the project.
Oh, we've all known someone who's abused the toilet in the past. It can make your office feel like a real dump! But the solution isn't to write passive-aggressive notes or lock the bathroom...it's really even easier than that! Just jettison the bathroom-abuser into the cold, heartless void of space! That'll learn 'im!
This has been a message...from SPACE!
(-1, Raw and Uncut is the only way to read)
What are the bosses going to do, stop by their desk and give them a stern talking-to?
It seems the U.S. should not be antagonizing the Russians, seeing as how we're going to be dependent on them for manned spaceflight pretty soon now...
Build a man a fire, he's warm for one night. Set him on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.
This must have been a bureaucrat level 34 or better that started this. A 35 wouldn't know how to fill out the proper acquisition forms.
---- aut viam inveniam aut faciam
The escalation must stop before they argue over sharing of oxygen!
"The average Rooskie, son, don't take a dump without a plan."
... is what will lead to the wars of the next century, if we're not careful!
Why can't we all just get along?!
~AA
I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
They should go on strike until normalcy is restored.
"Or vice-versa the humans toilet. The Earth-Vulcan politicians are squabbling over the respective costs, and don't want non-citizens using their toilets." - United Federation of Planets, official notice
That's what Star Trek would be like if it were realistic - trade and cost disputes. Or just watch Babylon 5 ("By Any Means Necessary").
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
It's this kindergarten shit that keeps the world from moving forward. Freakin pissing contests with no winner. Plus - the Russian bathroom doesn't have a webcam.
Seriously though, can't the crew just tell the people on the ground to shove it up their ass?
I think that's pretty much what they're saying: 'Cosmonauts are above the ongoing squabble, no matter what officials decide,' says Padalka. 'We are grown-up, well-educated and good-mannered people and can use our own brains to create normal relationship. It's politicians and bureaucrats who can't reach agreement, not us, cosmonauts and astronauts.'
It's refreshing to have such a public statement of defiance in the face of stupidity. Too bad Republicans and Democrats (not just the politicians but also their brown shirts on the ground) don't do the same in a very forward manner. Yes, Slashdot drones, I'm looking at you.
Dedicated Cthulhu Cultist since 4523 BC.
Remember, the ISS is now recycling urine for drinking water. Allowing cosmonauts to use our toilet would risk the contamination of our precious bodily fluids. Twice, no less.
Today WWIII became a reality when the US stood proudly over their bog and stated "No Russian arse will again threaten to dirty our brilliant white potty."
I am glad to see the politicians earning their pay. Shame they're still a waste of money (and oxygen in general) no matter how you look at it.
It reminds me of a movie I've seen before.
How childish a thing to do.
Comment forecast: Bits of genius surrounded by a sea of mediocrity.
I think if someone can figure out how to piss on the floor in a freefall environment with no architectural frame of reference for up and down, you've got no right to stop them.
No kidding!!! What do you say at this point?
Next thing you know they're going to make sure you only share bodily fluids with those of your own nationality, and that is going to cause some awkward pairings. Well, more awkward...
Where the hell does the Japanese guy get to go? I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Never underestimate the potential of Human stupidity. -Heinlein
You know, its amazing to think how much progress has been destroyed, avoided, or never attained because of stupid, idiotic, invisible little lines drawn up by a bunch of dead men. Maybe that's why I love the internet? It's kind of above this bullshit.
Is it time for Obi Wan and Qui Gon Jin to show up to help resolve matters?
Think Deeply.
Do things the RyanAir way.
Squirrel!
They totally have a line of masking tape running down the middle of the station, don't they?
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
After a while, the feet, stomach, eyes, and brain agreed that the asshole was in charge.
"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals." --The American President (20.1.2009)
Just some thoughts I had about this "issue".
Wouldn't the Russian Government allowing a Russian to defecate on American property send a diplomatic message? How about a bill for, "Consulting Services".
As an American Tax Payer, I see no problem in any foreign national landing a Duke in a John. "Gennady Padalka, you are cleared for descent."
Also, my mind wonders over to the land of Norway, to the game designers who created a game of throwing a Shoe at Ex-President Bush. I cannot help but wonder at what they're doing now. Just a thought.
So, wait, this isn't a Russia-USA cold war, it's an Earth Governments-Astronaut cold war?
Or is it a cold war three-way: USA-Russia-Astronauts?
That's what they need but I suppose the next argument will be US or Russian supplied...
I guess when each turd costs a million bucks to process, people start to count the turds they are processing.
A work that expires before its copyright never enters the public domain and thus enjoys eternal copyright protection.
One of the agencies sends up a bucket of yellow paint and a paint brush?
(for the bright yellow dividing line down the middle of the station)
Future Presidential Speech text:
"Mr. {insert leader here}, Tear down...er....Wipe Up that line!"
WTF? Over?
....sweet land of liberty ( flush )
Single tear falls
(ala Homer Simpson when using the Australian toilet with the pump to force the water to swirl in the opposite direction, so Americans would feel at home)
Shameless plug alert: Game server control panel
. . . tired old memes bore you.
What?
Just head for the airlock and let 'er rip. Maybe Hubble will find some "new plantetoid" and there will be more incentive to save it.
If you do what you always did, you get what you always got.
Why do they have separate toilets, excercise equipment to begin with? Space on board is very valuable and equipment is heavy! Throw one countries toilet and the other's excercise equipment out the airlock already! Everyone uses what's left for the cost of having contributed parts to the thing in the first place! The reclaimed space can be used to house more experiments! Ok, for 6 people two toilets might be nice... but for 6 astro/cosmonauts trained and expecting to live together in a cramped environment I bet they can manage to share one. Even if they have to have two... they could have been made by one country in one factory at the same time for less money no doubt. Then they could be installed in the same area of the station, perhaps with some sort of privacy divider between them... I suppose there might even be words for this, like bathroom and stall perhaps? I do have a little sympathy for the Russians though... they have been looking under every rock they can turn for money to keep their space program going. They shouldn't feel bad though... the US seems to have taken a vow of poverty and is donating all it's money to the poor underfed bankers and executives. No doubt NASA will be flipping rocks soon too!
Did anybody else read this and think of 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Obviously the movie version, not the book.
"All these toilets are yours except the ones on Europa..."
(For those who haven't seen both, the movie and the book differ significantly. In the book, the Russians are our friends, and we're on a space mission together. In the movie, they're our enemies, but we're still on a space mission together.)
Is this the "International Space Station", or the "Cool Building In The Sky That We All Helped Build, But We Still Don't Like You And Our Daddy Can Beat Up Your Daddy"?
Politicians get to make up their minds right now. It is one of those two. One implies peaceful coexistence and one implies living side-by-side, never crossing the line that defines "your half" of the room. Which is it?
Let q be a radix > 1. I am in ur base-q, killing 10 d00ds.
Government. What do you expect?
The astronauts in the ISS should declare independence and form their own state in the ISS.
Coming off of blowing 700B to bail out a bunch of stupid banks, the USA now caps off 200B in space investments to have astronauts fight over potty time.
Our country is just screwed.
This is my sig.
The real question is whether or not you can use the force of urination to provide propulsion...giving women an advantage in spaceflight. While their male counterparts would be forced to propel themselves backwards, they could travel Superman (or rather Superwoman) style...
I'm sorry...but once my mind started travel down that road there was no option of asking for directions back to the Highway of Good Taste(tm).
-=Bang Bang=-
... when this idiotic directive had been issued, you can be damned sure I would have responded with a directive of my own. It would have read something like this:
I'll shit in any damn toilet I have access to, and I won't itemize the usage of it. If you wish to send a toilet monitor up here to keep track of the usage, feel free; I'm not playing games up here, I'm risking my life for science. In Short: Go F^kc Yourself
It's refreshing to have such a public statement of defiance in the face of stupidity.
Let's hope it doesn't affect the career opportunities of this brave man. Puppetmasters have been known to flare up at lesser provocations.
I suppose they're "brown shirts" because the politicians shit all over them from on high?
it's more of a "squat off"
And if one toilet breaks down, and they're not allowed to use the other? They'd have to pee carefully into the middle of the room, creating a gradually expanding urine ball which would be kept stationary with gentle air jets.
A tenuous state of detente would be created as each side configured the air jets to be able to blow the piss ball to the other side of the station.
Unfortunately, the stability of the piss ball detente would be threatened as each side readied its advanced biological weapons program...
Find environmentally and socially responsible products on http://buy-right.net
Uh, wouldn't men have an advantage due to nozzles being mounted on gimbals (of a sort)?
Does the same go for having gas? I mean seriously, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Can you imagine how many hits that sort of youtube video would have.
The IIS doesn't have a big enough hanger ay for Qui-Gon's space vehicle.
Sorry, please allow me to clarify that.
The Jedis' landing policy is NOT to execute a standard automated VTOL procedure. Instead, they slam their vehicle onto the hanger floor, skid across in a great shower of sparks (preferably into the reception committee waiting there), wait till the vehicle rests to a stop, blow off the hatches, and jump right out doing a somersault while switching on the light sabers simultaneously.
Thus, we need a large hanger bay to receive them, and preferably a committee of disposable beings.
Instead of wrecking all the continents of the Earth in World War III, it has been successfully off-shored into Earth's orbit in the ISS. It will be decided Big Brother/Reality TV style, with a bunch of folks in cramped quarters ("familiarity breeds contempt"), with a phone-in chuck-a-naut-out-the-airlock each week.
"I'm sorry, Dave, but the viewers have decided . . ."
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
Mod parent +1 Epic!
My UID is prime. Hah!
I actually thought of that immediately after hitting submit. My conclusion, for productivity purposes, the man must sacrifice the utility of one hand to aim (not likely to be many offers for "pilots" to steer for him).
-=Bang Bang=-
(what are you looking here for, the title said it all)
Use your head, can't you, use your head,
You're on earth, there's no cure for that - S. Beckett
All you've done then is shifted the argument.
Have you been touched by his noodly appendage?
the bozo in the other political party is out to destroy America as we know it.
Given the corruption, apathy, and abuse-of-power in the current US system, destroying America "as we know it" is not a bad idea. Perhaps doing so and then rebuilding it "as its forefathers intended" (and accounting for current situations) might be a good plan.
It's hilarious that on my iGoogle page, as I expand and read this story, that there's an ad to "Find Your Perfect Ukrainian Bride."
Not really, no. The principle is that you gain the inverse momentum change to that which you expel... Momentum is mass times velocity, and a piss weights a lot more than a fart.
Depends who you call. I hear that Joe the Plumber has some really good rates.
I just finished rereading Lucifer's Hammer(1977) and one of the bits concerned how women pee in 0G. Niven doesn't tell. How do the facilities for women differ from men?
Of course they should be charged! The alternative is Communism where the toilet belongs to everyone. That's just Un-American!
Okay so I am going to use a technique I learned in economics to explain this. This sort of thing happens everyday. I am actually amazed that the class is being useful and applicable. Everyone benefits greatly from the pooled resources of the ISS. Individually they would produce less. Now the Russians felt they could abuse the relationship and benefit by the increased revenue. This worked out in the short term. They had lots of resources and were making money. This cost everyone else significantly. Until everyone responded in kind to the Russians. Now everyone is equally benefiting again, but it is to a lesser extent. Russia Played the dominant position. That is the best choice no matter what the other countries do. This is often seen in most free markets that have few huge players making the decisions.
This is particularly unfair when you consider that, even before this dust-up, Americans couldn't use the other nations' toilets anyway. You see, their normal-sized pee tubes would not accommodate our large American junk.
Had to be done, sorry. :-]
but have you considered the following argument: shut up.
Niven mentions men using a tube at the end of a hose, ala milking machines. That certianly wouldn't work for women. And, as he states, catheters hurt.
This brings up a serious thought. Combine the following:
What's to keep Russia from unilaterally taking over the Station? What, exactly, would we be able to do about it?
The toilet named "Colbert"? The US astronauts? Or nobody but Stephen?
Neil
IMO space tourism has been the most useful experiment the ISS has conducted.
And at the rate things are going it will remain the most useful experiment.
the toilets use you!
The issue of who is allowed to use which stall can easily be settled by a swordfight.
1: Design space station for the furthering of mankind's knowledge.
2: Bitch about who left the seat up.
3: ????
4: Profit!!!
I suppose NASA is concerned about the vodka in the Cosmonauts' urine overwhelming the filtration system...
Nothing to see here but us trolls...move along...
I think each national toilet could exert far more inspiration and productivity, depending on the national portrait hung above it. For instance, if the American one were to make use of Dick Cheney's winning smile, everybody would want to use it, causing an unequal distribution of resources. If, OTOH, Stalin were to preside over the Russian act of defecation, the weight might somehow get balanced, restoring a normal consumption of fuel.
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that ones work is terribly important." -BRussell
Is Russian poop any different than American poop? Or is it the $24,000 American toilet seats that's the issue?
/\/\icro/\/\uncher
... most people want over. See here (still votable).
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
Things seem to have changed since I watched TV in 1992 when Mr. King got the long fucking end of the stick.
...that might be tasteful, but I'm replying to a post that is modded +5 Funny, even though it really isn't funny. On that note, I suggest I'll be modded +5 Informative.
A proud member of the Onion-in-Hand alliance
What !?!? Have these politicos not read Heinlein's seminal tome "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" ??
Are they not aware the folly of pissing off someone towering high overhead in orbit with large objects to toss?
(Or in this case the contents of their toilets)
I say: To heck with all the politicians! Let them eat (urinal) cake!
This story distills the essence of the US-Russian relationship: The Russian and American people have no problem getting along with one another, but our governments are completely incapable of any form of cooperation.
... is going to have a large turd to flush?
And the response from the guys down below
"Astronauts who do not obey our rules will never fly for us again"
"Cosmonauts who do not obey our rules will never come to earth again"
I do not support "The Man". I also do not support your irrational stupidity
You guys up there aren't on earth anymore. Just because people down here are acting like idiots doesn't mean you have to. Put up or ignore them.
Like I said, imagnine an athletic cup on the end of a vacuum, and you have the idea.
Hell, an airplane-style toilet with suction built in would probably suffice.
Vintage computer games and RPG books available. Email me if you're interested.
Seriously though, can't the crew just tell the people on the ground to shove it up their ass?
That's one way of disposing of it. But is it really worthwhile bringing it all the way back just for that?
This is completely asinine and not worth quibbling over. What is really important is to make sure that the Ruskies do not breath a molecule of our precious oxygen!
The idea of 4.36 million cubic yards of concrete alone doesn't sound like much of a landmark. But when that cement is The National Toilet, people sit up and take notice. Forget the toilet seat-shaped tourist trap that now defaces the Grand Canyon. Come survey the "Real" National Toilet from one or both of its pristine vantage points. Photos can't convey the symbolism and substantial presence of this landmark, and the somber reminder to the momentous event that took place over 65 years ago. Sure, it's a tourist trap (3.5 million yearly) and the lines for the elevators will keep you waiting to get to the 86th floor observation deck. But there's no better view than from inside the south rim, where you can reflect on so much. One day a year, the "Bush Years Legacy" comes alive when a lucky individual chosen at random is invited to "pull the handle", initiating a flush of Godzillan proportions. No wide angle lens can come close to conveying the magnitude of this, our Numero Uno American landmark.
(random snips from the top ten natl monuments plus some judicious editing)
The Russians have won. They have made the world a cesspool of distrust, greed, fear and hate.
Can't wait for the "over the roll" or "under the roll" debates between the two countries...
It's April 1st in Moscow already?
Notmysig
It does sound to me like a coded version of "We're supposed to pee in our own toilets and whatever else, but that is pointless. Everyone up on the ISS secretly agreed to ignore this nonsense and just not tell on each other, but are tired of having to pretend."
'Cosmonauts are above the ongoing squabble, no matter what officials decide,'
Literally.
The article mentions all of this could be resolved if the Russians would just sign the formal agreement paperwork (form # URN8-NP) to have a legal document verifying they agree to the terms and for liability reasons.
Leave it to those stupid f*cks to stick their noses where it does not belong.
I hate them with a passion, as I know many others do, but they do not leave in cramped quarters, and have to go from one side of the space station to another, so what if all of a sudden montesuma's revenge pops up, are they going to enforce those rules and allow the guy to crap his pants....come on...our tax payer dollars at work here.
If ever there was a reason to put someone in a gas chamber, this would be it.
I really hope those politicians responsible for this situation on the space station are reading this (yeah, like they would ever read anything that does not have their signature or name on it.....)
STOP SCREWING WITH THINGS, WE DON'T NEED YOUR 1million and 1 RULES HERE.
"To trump a politician is to know bliss!"