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When you tire of beating on drums, you can always beat on a pedophiles butt. No, I'm serious (though, of course, it's Japanese).

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is the first arcade game that combines of assaulting assholes and fortune-telling.

It's also nostalgia. Some of the games that you pick up on Atari and Nintendo are really good, and still fun if you get past the lack of graphics that we've gotten used to with today's games. But you know what a vast majority of them are? Absolute crud.

Indeed. Although I am sympathetic with the original author's position, three words alone should suffice to draw doubt to the claim that the old school was invariably the better school: "Drown Baby Moses"

I should also mention other sites that rock:

Play Nintendo games on your Dreamcast - DC Emulation

Add Composite AV to your Nintendo 2 - Here

The Howard and NESter Archive - Here

The Seanbaby NES page (funny, not safe for mere mortals) - Here

It has to be River City Ransom. I had those eye-chart passwords memories, stomped ass for hours to get the Texas Boots and Zeus' Belt...

Man, someone should make a MMORPG from River City Ransom. Everyone gets their own gang, and when they die, they say BAAAAAAAAARFF!

Bad Link-- Go here instead.

I had nightmares about what kind of video games a truly christian university would focus on.

If you want the Christian hang-ups, you'll have to travel a few hours south to Baylor. One of the worst Nintendo games of all time was probably conceived by some righteous Baptist from Waco, Texas.

http://www.seanbaby.com/news/fagsean.htm

Don't get too pink on us, there is no cause for ALARM!

My, how even cartoon Link changes from game to game.

Actually, most of Sean Baby's site is absolutely hilarious. He works for a newspaper somewhere, and is an extremely talented writer. Check out the "Sean Baby Probe" linked from the main page.

The Sean Baby Probe editorials blow just about all other humor writing out of the window.

In my opinion atleast.

The CDI system was marketed as an educational device, and in many ways it was. If nothing else it taught you Lesson Number One: Don't spend $500 on worthless garbage, dipshit.

Seanbaby.com - EGM's Crapstravaganza: The 20 Worst Games of All Time He has a few of the same titles (ET, Superman 64, and Custer's revenge), and, in my opinion, has much funnier reviews. I really enjoyed it, this is just for if anybody else cares for a second list like this.

This has already been done here.
The two lists seem to be very similar...

You know, I'd been saying to myself: When are we going to bow down before the voice talent?

Thank you, Hollywood - for teaching us how to love again.

I hope Aerosmith gets that long overdue award for 'Revolution X'. Ahh, the double-whammy of a videogame/hair-band crossover. Torgo would be proud.

woops... that was supposed to be by sea-lift .. not sea-life. That conjured up the image of Aquaman riding that giant seahorse of his...

This directly opposes Focus on getting better games. While one or two good games might come from Joe and Tom working in their bedrooms for 8 months straight, most of todays games are massive efforts and the cost for playing helps to ensure that only those who are truely serious will play. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get my mitts on a dev kit cheaply, but games today are way more complex than the average person/small team can effectively deal with. I'm glad SOMEONE paid attention to the Atari collapse.

Atari had no real quality control. Therefore a STREAM of crap games came out for the stupid machine. Ranging from horribly awful and disgusting to just fucking AWFUL.

as much of a Sony fanboy as I am, I wouldn't wish an atari downfall on ANY console.

I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

...you should never, ever bring up in a geek forum:

Spider-Man versus Wolverine
Superman versus Hulk
Thanos versus everybody
The Joker versus Hostess Fruit Pies
CowboyNeal versus Grodd the Gorilla

...you should never, ever bring up in a geek forum:

Spider-Man versus Wolverine
Superman versus Hulk
Thanos versus everybody
The Joker versus Hostess Fruit Pies
CowboyNeal versus Grodd the Gorilla

...as long as people like Seanbaby are around to teach them a lesson!

Ok, you've been playing entirely too much Revolution X. ;)

These superhero's take the cake!!! Bear Suit is my favorite.

I look at this and I can't help but think of the ol' Cloak of Darkness out of Wizards & Warriors.

Thou hath wasted thy fucking time

I was hoping they would mention Super Pitfall, the abomination that forever ruined the Pitfall experience in my mind. For those who aren't familiar with the title, Seanbaby sums up the experience pretty accurately.

Anyway, I wonder if David had any involvement in Super Pitfall. I highly doubt it.. but even if he did, who would fess up to that?

Maybe it's wrong to discriminate against a people just because they occasionally blow up a plane, but I'm going to try to talk you into it. Say, for example, you're an Arab at the airport. First of all, welcome to one of my country's beautiful airports, suspicious traveller from afar. You'll notice that security searches everyone in the airport including you. That means you have to wait in line for three to four hours while they go through the luggage of all the old ladies ahead of you for no good reason other than try to not hurt you and and your people's feelings. Now imagine how nice it would be if they ignored everyone else and went straight for your luggage. You just saved four hours of standing in line, and all you have to do to get on the plane is not carry a bomb. I want to make it clear that no one is accusing you of being a highjacking murderer, we're only accusing you of being of the only race that has a CHANCE of being a highjacking murderer. Searching white people and hoping to find a terrorist is like searching white people and hoping to find a talking birthmark that can predict the future. It's certainly possible, but mostly you're just wasting everyone's time, you god damn idiot.

Maybe it's wrong to discriminate against a people just because they occasionally blow up a plane, but I'm going to try to talk you into it. Say, for example, you're an Arab at the airport. First of all, welcome to one of my country's beautiful airports, suspicious traveller from afar. You'll notice that security searches everyone in the airport including you. That means you have to wait in line for three to four hours while they go through the luggage of all the old ladies ahead of you for no good reason other than try to not hurt you and and your people's feelings. Now imagine how nice it would be if they ignored everyone else and went straight for your luggage. You just saved four hours of standing in line, and all you have to do to get on the plane is not carry a bomb. I want to make it clear that no one is accusing you of being a highjacking murderer, we're only accusing you of being of the only race that has a CHANCE of being a highjacking murderer. Searching white people and hoping to find a terrorist is like searching white people and hoping to find a talking birthmark that can predict the future. It's certainly possible, but mostly you're just wasting everyone's time, you god damn idiot.

Sorry, but not even pr0n has a hand (double ha) at beating out Bad Street Brawler as the coolest thing on the face of the earth. ESPECIALLY when you play it with the Power Glove!

To quote Seanbaby himself, "Bad Street Brawler still wouldn't be fun if you controlled it with the Nintendo Power Codpiece and it vibrated every time it sucked."

Sorry this is so offtopic, but when I think of the Power Glove, I think of Bad Street Brawler and nostalgic frustration overcomes me.

Seanbaby has some rather amusing remarks about the Power Glove (and other useless Nintendo peripherals.)

TheFrood

Seanbaby has some rather amusing remarks about the Power Glove (and other useless Nintendo peripherals.)

TheFrood

It's been shown that sarcasm is not actually funny.

I would love to see this, but only if they would let Seanbaby write the screenplay.

here.

http://www.seanbaby.com/news/pandaporn.htm

Maby not more informative, but a hell of a lot funnier.

Shouldn't children be taught to make up their own minds instead of imitating whatever the funky lady in the Carabella cartoon does? Otherwise, you're right. It's no better than those old anti-drug agit-prop Nintendo game like Wally Bear and the 'No' Gang.

---
Destiny-land.
The happiest blog on earth.

This case gets perpetuated over and over as a "frivilous" lawsuit, when in fact it was not frivilous at all. People hear the headline "millions for spilled hot coffee" and don't look further than that. According to the Wall Street journal, McDonald's callousness was the issue and even jurors who thought the case was just a tempest in a coffee pot were overwhelmed by the evidence against the Corporation. Here's a great link telling the facts in the hot coffee case...

Well I _have_ read many facts about this case (and the others that have been spawned in its tradition since then), and I think it's absolutely frivolous! Lawyers are paid to be masters of using bullshit facts to win an argument. Let's look at some of these tidbits of "overwhelming evidence" from the link you posted:

• No. 1: For years, McDonald's had known they had a problem with the way they make their coffee - that their coffee was served much hotter (at least 20 degrees more so) than at other restaurants.

  McDonald's has known for years that they way they serve their coffee is overwhelmingly popular with the consuming public. That's right, they've done consumer research and found that most of their customers prefer their coffee at that temperature. And they HAVE KNOWN that in a BILLION instances a year, someone buys a cup of their coffee, handles it properly, and enjoys its taste -- without incident. And then of course there are will be a couple schmucks who can't keep themselves from pouring it over their heads, or down their pants, or drinking the whole thing in one big gulp and burning their throats. But honestly, if every manufacturer insisted on pandering to the safety needs of the lowest common denominator, nothing would ever be made. Because with anything more dangerous than a plastic bottle of water, some idiot is going to figure out a way to hurt themselves with it.

• No. 2: McDonald's knew its coffee sometimes caused serious injuries - more than 700 incidents of scalding coffee burns in the past decade have been settled by the Corporation - and yet they never so much as consulted a burn expert regarding the issue.

  This is just the same shit over again. Once a week (every 5.2 days) some marginally functional moron spills hot coffee on themselves, suffers burns, and tries to get some money out of McDonald's. During that same week, McDonald's sells nearly 20 MILLION cups of coffee to people who have no such problems. Now clearly, McDonald's is knowingly endangering the public with their reckless behavior, and should be made to alter their business practices to accommodate that one-dipshit-out-of-20-million. Come on, you have better odds of winning the lottery in some states than you do of accidentally spilling McD's coffee on yourself and going to the hospital for it. And the payoff for hitting the lotto is a lot better too...

  And why the hell should they have to go around consulting experts about the possible negative side effects of not using Coffee for its intended purpose?? Hot Coffee is supposed to be drank slowly. Hot Coffee is not supposed to be poured on your crotch. There are an infinite number of MIS-uses of a product that can cause harm to people or damage to property, and it's ridiculous to claim that manufacturers should launch investigations into all of them. That's like saying "I manufacture ballpoint pens. We should hire an expert in anal probing to find out what negative effects might occur if our customers shove our product up their asses. And some eye doctor experts too, to see how much damage could be caused if they stick them in their eyes. And some physicists and doctors to see what would happen if they climbed up a utility pole and stuck their pen into one of the high-voltage power lines. Etc..."

  McDonald's Coffee will always be hot. No amount of whining pussies and their FRIVOLOUS lawsuits are going to change that. As the great Seanbaby put it: "Let me tell you why McDonald's coffee is so hot. Because you have oily children simmering fluid in glass containers for hours at a time. If you lowered the temperature down a few degrees, that's not making coffee -- that's bacteria farming. Something tells me I'd rather wait for my drink to cool down than buy a cup of coffee-flavored cholera."

• No. 3: The woman involved in this infamous case suffered very serious injuries - third degree burns on her groin, thighs and buttocks that required skin grafts and a seven-day hospital stay.

  Yeah, that's what happens when you pour very hot matter onto your skin. It reacts, violently. Try pouring the hot grease out of the frying pan onto your crotch next you're cooking. You'll get those same 3rd degree burns. There's a small leap of logic that has to be comprehended in order to understand this phenomenon. It goes like this:

  • 1. Coffee is ALWAYS served hot.
  • 2. Hot liquids poured/spilled on your skin will cause BURNS.

  Now I know not everybody went to college, but even preschoolers are able to learn fairly quickly which things are fun to play with and which things will hurt like hell if you rub them over your body. Anyone who can't grasp this simple two-step logic train, and take appropriate action to avoid spilling said liquid on themselves, deserves to have the gonads-set-on-fire that results. The evolution of species does not occur by forcing the stupidest monkeys to stop sticking their genitals into a lava pit.

  Let's see if I can put this another way for people who don't respond well to complicated logical theories... IT'S COFFEE! IT'S HOT! DON'T PUT IT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS! Do you need to be told to not put lit firecrackers between your legs? Do you need to be told not stick sharp knives in your lap 'just to hold them there'? Would you stick a rattlesnake in a fragile container between your legs to hold it there while you drive it to... wherever you might be taking a snake? So why would you need to be told to not put boiling water between your legs?

• No. 4: The woman, an 81-year old former department store clerk who had never before filed suit against anyone, said she wouldn't have brought the lawsuit against McDonald's had the Corporation not dismissed her request for compensation for medical bills.

  Hey guess what, I've never filed a lawsuit either. And neither have 99% of all the people I've ever met. It's good that she's not a career lawsuit filer, but if she had been, that would have been pointed out early on, and you wouldn't have seen much jury sympathy. And the fact that she only filed the lawsuit after McDonald's didn't roll over and ask how much to write the check for doesn't mean they were being unreasonable. OF COURSE they didn't agree to compensate her, that's the whole point of filing a lawsuit! To force action on another party when you can't come to an agreement. Exactly how long do you think it would take for a line a mile long to form outside McDonald's headquarters once word got out that they will hand out money to any schmuck he says he spilled his coffee on himself? They HAVE to say no to that on principle, lest they turn into a workers comp clearinghouse.

• No. 5: A McDonald's quality assurance manager testified in the case that the Corporation was aware of the risk of serving dangerously hot coffee and had no plans to either turn down the heat or to post warning about the possibility of severe burns, even though most customers wouldn't think it was possible.

  This sentence doesn't even make grammatical sense. Most customers wouldn't think WHAT is possible?? Not possible to turn down the heat? Not possible to post warnings about burns? Not possible for McDonald's to consider doing these things? Not possible for you to burn yourself with boiling water? WTF are you saying??

  I'm sure this is probably a badly paraphrased version of something that originally sounded like a good argument, but it still sounds stupid. Of course they have no plans to change anything they're doing. They've done the analysis (similar to what I've already said above) and found that it's well worth the risks (of removing the ability to breed from retarded people) to keep serving their delicious coffee at the temperature that their customers most enjoy. Another non-point shot down. Keep 'em comin!

• No. 6: After careful deliberation, the jury found McDonald's was liable because the facts were overwhelmingly against the company. When it came to the punitive damages, the jury found that McDonald's had engaged in willful, reckless, malicious, or wanton conduct, and rendered a punitive damage award of 2.7 million dollars. (The equivalent of just two days of coffee sales, McDonalds Corporation generates revenues in excess of 1.3 million dollars daily from the sale of its coffee, selling 1 billion cups each year.)

  I've sat on a civil lawsuit jury before. There are always mounds of documents that they throw at you, knowing full well that you, the jury members, are not going to sift through all of it for your $15 a day jury pay, when you should be at work or taking care of your kids, etc. They know that you will only remember and consider the carefully worded emotionally charged words that they plant in your head specifically to persuade you to buy their argument instead of looking at the situation completely objectively. Is it possible that they could find 12 people who could be convinced that McDonald's is "willfully" serving flaming death in a cup to MILLIONS of people and "maliciously" trying to harm them? Absolutely. There's 700 such candidates that McDonald's has on file already. And out of 12 random people, you're going to have at least 2 people who will side with the "innocent victim" in any situation. And probably at least 1 person who will side against any large corporations because they're "evil". People like that can keep the rest of the group from making a quick dismissal based on the fact that the plaintiff is a fucking imbecile. And the longer the deliberation drags out, the more likely the "rational" people are to just side with the "sympathy" people at whatever dollar amount just to get the damn thing over with. I've seen it happen, and I'm sure it happens quite regularly, even maybe in this case.

• No. 7: On appeal, a judge lowered the award to $480,000, a fact not widely publicized in the media.

  That's fine and all. But it doesn't change the fact that this old woman should have been learning how to safely carry dangerous materials instead of feeding the lawyers with this FRIVOLOUS lawsuit.

• No. 8: A report in Liability Week, September 29, 1997, indicated that Kathleen Gilliam, 73, suffered first degree burns when a cup of coffee spilled onto her lap. Reports also indicate that McDonald's consistently keeps its coffee at 185 degrees, still approximately 20 degrees hotter than at other restaurants. Third degree burns occur at this temperature in just two to seven seconds, requiring skin grafting, debridement and whirlpool treatments that cost tens of thousands of dollars and result in permanent disfigurement, extreme pain and disability to the victims for many months, and in some cases, years.

  I agree that pouring hot liquids on your skin WILL harm you. That's why humans have developed an automated muscular reaction when our skin touches something hot. The nerve signal doesn't even travel all the way to your brain and wait for your brain to make a decision about what to do. It gets intercepted half way and your arm (or leg or whatever) automatically jerks away from the source of heat. This reflex movement normally pulls your arm out of the fire, or splashes the coffee you spilled on it all around the room, in less than half a second. For someone to sit there with the hot coffee on themselves for up to SEVEN seconds means either they sat there, watching the coffee burn their bodies and couldn't figure out what to do, or they managed to spill it on themselves in such a way or place that they couldn't get it off of themselves for a (relatively long time). In either case, at best, they showed an extreme lack of planning, and at worst it's only a matter of time before the mental police find them and take them back to their padded rooms and jackets that let them hug themselves ALLLLL DAAAAAAY.

I don't drink coffee anymore, but when I did (and mostly McDonald's coffee at that), I never poured it on my crotch without at least sipping it first to make sure it wasn't too hot. But if some day I did start drinking coffee again, or some other "dangerously hot" beverage, and I do happen to destroy my genitals because of own ignorance, I sure as hell wouldn't publicize the event and record it on public record with a lawsuit. That's just shouting "Hey, I may be physically deformed now, but I'm also admittedly STUPID too!"

Its not very often that a piece of mail arrives in my snail mail box that I actually read, but when this envelope arrived, I had to open it. It was labeled with enticing comments like "What do women want" in a font that spanned almost the entire height of the envelope on both sides. And since Dragonball Z wasn't on for another 5 minutes, I opened it. If only I had known.

Now I'm not sure what I bought where that allowed my name to fall into the clutches of the warped corporation that sent this letter to me. I suspect that it was that copy of 'Girls Gone Wild' purchased one evening after 6 shots of whiskey, while watching Howard Stern on E! with Kurt The Pope and Sarcasta (Don't get it. Its horrible. After 60 seconds, it becomes remarkably similiar to pulling teeth as a "Real Girl" after "Real Girl" takes it off for a crowd of learing men. "Real" is code for "won't ever be in a magazine accused of exploiting women". The only really attractive women are the ones you've already seen in the ads. And when you add this soundtrack, it just makes it all seem evil).

So at this point, I've made the fatal mistake: I've opened the letter. never do that! They start fast and hard by attacking my belief system and forcing me to question my own manhood. Now I've never been particularly concerned in this dept. But here's the thing: even John Holmes would've been curious about this. He would open this package and think "Hrm, 2 extra inches! Why, that'd be nifty" and immediately order a case of LONGitude. And odds are it'd work and he'd end up gaining another foot and killing some poor chick on the set. Thank god LONGitude didn't exist in the 70s or there would have been a lot less porno, and lot more "John Holmes Kills Again" headlines.

So being good marketroids, they take things that I considered conventional wisdom, and they attack them in a carefully planned campaign designed to destroy any chance of ever having any sort of pride in my own sexuality again. In fact, if these statistics are true, I'm embarassed for our whole gender:

• 85% of women say they NEVER achieve an orgasm during sex...
• 72% of women said they FAKED orgasms they never had..
• 67% of women say they're UNHAPPY with their lover's penis size...

Sorry. Got a little out of hand there. I'm back now.

Now I am a college graduate. This doesn't make me smart: frankly, I'm not exactly sure how I managed to graduate in the first place. I just skipped 1 class less then allowed, and managed to squeeze by, setting records in "Collegiate Minimilaism" (this works really well in art. Less well in history). But during my academic sentence, I managed to take a whole biology class and its required lab. I learned much in these classes about biology, but even more important, they taught us all about "The Scientific Method (lather, rinse, repeat.)". This means that I can't just make stuff up and have it be true (as evidenced by the large number of "C's" I got in my labs). I mean, at first glance, this looks good: Its from a "Former Viagra Pharmacist". I mean, they don't say which viagra pharmacist, but if he's anything like my old pharmacist, he's like 50, and he hates it when you spend to much time playing tag in his store and reading his baseball card price lists without paying for them. This man is most definitely qualified to invent a Scientific Breakthrough like LONGitude.

Obviously he doesn't get much: the sad little white jacket is proof enough that he ain't a big hit with the ladies. So he's got incentive. Plus he works at a pharmacy. LONGitude's marketing materials explain that their product is 100% safe and natural, and contains Zinc, 300 Yohimbe, Maca, Catuaba, Muira Pauma, Oyster Meat, I-Arginee, Oat Stra, Nettle Leaf, Cayenne, Pumpkin Seed, Sarsaparilla, Orchic Substance, Licorice Root, Astragalus, Tribulus, Boron, and Ginseng. I bet this bored pharmacist has access to many of these chemicals, and since its not like it takes all day to give dirty looks to the teenagers that buy birth control and condoms. He would still have plenty of time to try every conceivably combination of these substances until he discovers the one that makes his dick bigger. I mean, with that many chemicals, one combination practically has to do it, so at least he had a goal.

So I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, 'So all this does is make my dick bigger?'. But NO thats not ALL. It has OTHER features that are just as important... the following features are quoted directly from the marketing materials, as I am not creative enough to actually concoct this stuff myself:

Strengthen and harden your erections like a length of STEEL PIPE! what exactly does this mean? My grammar resolution engine is confused by this sentance. And my grammar resolution engine is really generous all things considered, as evidenced by the fact that I ran this column through babelfish it came out in german for gods sake! What a shitty grammar checker!
Develop your PC Muscle to form a truly "muscular" looking penis that will impress and arouse your lover. I guarantee they'll brag to their friends. First off, I'm kind of opposed to developing a muscular looking anything. Second, I didn't know that there was an aesthetic for a muscular looking penis, and finally, I don't want my "lover" talking about my manhood to anyone (except girls who refused to date me in high school. She may brag to them all she wants). But now that I know there is an aesthetic that my penis should strive for, I have another part of my body to be embarassed about. And I thought it was just my bad haircut, beer gut, and teeth.

Enlarge your penis 1-4" or more AT HOME, without vacuum pumps, weights, or surgery. OR MORE! ADDING MORE THEN 4 INCHES?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! OH MY GOD! FOUR FUCKING INCHES?! WHAT SORT OF CRAZY FOOL WOULD WOULD ATTEMPT TO ADD MORE THEN FOUR INCHES ONTO THEIR DICK! WHAT THE FUCK! ARE LOOKING FOR FUCKING RETARDS HERE?! ISN'T ENOUGH ENOUGH!? STOP THIS CRAZINESS!

Intensify your orgasms So you're telling me that this miracle herbal breakthrough will not only give me a wang that would make porn stars envious, but it will make orgasms better? Lets be honest here: there isn't much on this planet better then an orgasm in the first place. Telling me you can make them better is like like saying you figured out how to make heroin more pure, or removed the annoying sportscaster commentary from battlebots leaving only robots doing battle for the full 30 minutes, without commercials or annoying banter from lame broadcasters who weren't cool enough to compete with Dennis Miller.

And much, much more! Like what? Global peace and harmony? A recording contract with Sony for 3 albums with a multi-million dollar signing bonus? Sex with Jennifer Aniston (note: not year 2000 Jennifer Aniston as fucked by Brad Pitt, I'm talking about 1995 Jennifer Aniston, as nipples scene each week on "Friends"). But really, haven't you offered me enough? Length, Girth, Intensification, A bragging Girlfriend, and a more aesthetically pleasing muscular dick? What more could you provide? Could my semen taste like chocolate, or maybe be 100% pure liquid gold that I could sell on the market for a grand a jizz? I have to say that I suspect that I speak for all recipients of this random mass mailing when I say "No LONGitude, you've done enough. Thanks. But there's just no need for you to give me 'Much Much More' for this 'Low Price'".

With great power also comes greater responsibilities. 'CP Direct- Creators of LONGitutude' warn you that if you continue to take this miracle breakthrough in herbal medicine, you will continue to grow. They warn you not to grow beyond 9 inches because you will start damaging your dates! This is a fair warning: you just know some dude who burned his dick with scalding lethal McDonalds Coffee will overgrow his penis and impale some girl on his 17 inch piece, and he'll sue. And win. This is America, land of the free, where we should all be entitled to 17" cocks without fear of lawsuits.

8===========D

8===D

This diagram shows to scale just how much bigger LONGitude claims it can make you.

1. Your penis is small.
2. You thought LONGitude was a worthy investment towards solving #1
3. Your penis is still small.
4. You are fucking cheap and willing to swallow the embarassment of admitting all of the above just to reclaim your sixty bucks, even tho any male with one drop of self respect would simply forget the 60 bucks to save himself the embarassment of admitting that he is stupid, cheap and has a small dick.

He explains us that his drug will make the chambers of erectile tissue larger. Now I don't know about you, but I'm thinking of a balloon here, and what happens when you plug it into the helium machine and hold the lever down a little to long: yup, thats right. The balloon explodes and coats the room with a fine layer of human blood. I can't think of anything less sexy then having your dick explode, and coating you, your lover, and most importantly of all: your bedsheets with a mixture of seman, erectile tissue, and dozens of natural chemicals mixed together by former viagra pharmacists.

I hate doing laundry, and if your dick blows up on your "Lover", I'm willing to bet that not only will she never ever have sexual relations with you, but she will not speak a single word to you ever again. And believe you me, you will most definitely not scrub the erectile tissue out of your sheets... and that stuff just isn't gonna come out either.

Now I don't think that LONGitude would work any more then a penis pump. But I also have never tried a penis pump. And I know that there is a market for these things since I've seen them regularly at novelty shops next to the 14 inch double ended jet black vibrating dildo. However the fact that things like this exist proves that there is a market of people who would be willing to send their $59.95 to these guys. I considered it. Not for me of course. Purely in the name of science, I wanted to administer it to Kurt The Pope and Ryan the Felon before I risking my own genitals. After no deliberation, they both said no. Fuckers. This is science we're talking about. Maybe I should explain the scientific method to them again. I doubt it would matter... Dragonball Z is on. Its pretty tough to talk them into anything while Dragonball Z is on.

• 85% of women say they NEVER achieve an orgasm during sex...
• 72% of women said they FAKED orgasms they never had..
• 67% of women say they're UNHAPPY with their lover's penis size...

8===========D
8===D
This diagram shows to scale just how much bigger LONGitude claims it can make you.

1. Your penis is small.
2. You thought LONGitude was a worthy investment towards solving #1
3. Your penis is still small.
4. You are fucking cheap and willing to swallow the embarassment of admitting all of the above just to reclaim your sixty bucks, even tho any male with one drop of self respect would simply forget the 60 bucks to save himself the embarassment of admitting that he is stupid, cheap and has a small dick.

Oh yeah, I'm the asshole. Sure.

The infamous Seanbaby has broken down and analyzed Aquaman's utter uselessness here.

For more information on Aquaman, visit your local library.

There was 'Yo! Noid!' the competing pizza-based video game from Domino's Pizza. Came out around the same time (1990) as TMNT 2. Such a game (which features a hook-nosed dwarf in red rabbit tights) was likely far less popular than the ninja turtles.

Probably because they are.

No, Jon. This is a look at a particular slice of the "real America"

Except for areas, like the RoZone, which is written by a friend of mine, Rosy, from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Check it out sometime - she's a funny girl;

http://www.seanbaby.com/rozone/

Seanbaby, is part of the Portal of Evil, which is part of the Old Man Murray Network, which is part of UnderGroundOnline.

And I though it was supposed to be a chicken head in a box of Chicken Mc Nuggets...

So what if he's sexier than 99% of us? He has the gift of creating entertaining articles that will probably never get a chance at mass media's level of notoriety...

Parents Sue Video Games... AGAIN

Flesh Eating Robots Want to Eat Your Flesh

So what if he's sexier than 99% of us? He has the gift of creating entertaining articles that will probably never get a chance at mass media's level of notoriety...

Parents Sue Video Games... AGAIN

Flesh Eating Robots Want to Eat Your Flesh

This isn't a cult; it's mainstream entertainment.

So, then, I guess it's OK to harass small groups of people who are enthusiastically into some hobby, but if a lot of people like to do it, then it's OK? Wouldn't it make sense to try to enact legislation to stop "mainstream" "harmful matter", as it affects a much greater proportion of the people? Going after "cults" is only going to address a very small amount of the harm being done.

Let's look at the activity itself, identify who, if anyone, it harms, and whether that harm is something that legislation could (and also whether it should) be used to stop that harm, or if the risk of harm is "reasonable" or outweighed by the benefits of that activity.

Then make sure that the legislation to prevent the harm isn't worse than the harm that it's supposed to prevent.

The best argument to make on the behalf of video games is that they are not harmful. Argue that people are responsible for their own decisions and actions. Punish murderers; not the publisher of "Murder for Dummies".

For more stupidity, be sure to read This.

You know, you're gonna have a visit from the secret service now. They don't like that sort of joking around

What I want are the 2600 adult games on my cell phone.
You know, like Knight on the town and beat 'em and eat 'em.
The only problem is that with 1 hand playing the game and the other handling my joystick, I'd have to steer with my feet.
Thank god for cruise control.
If you want to learn more about the truly fucked up games that came out for the 2600, go here.
That's some freaky shit.
--Shoeboy

What I want are the 2600 adult games on my cell phone.
You know, like Knight on the town and beat 'em and eat 'em.
The only problem is that with 1 hand playing the game and the other handling my joystick, I'd have to steer with my feet.
Thank god for cruise control.
If you want to learn more about the truly fucked up games that came out for the 2600, go here.
That's some freaky shit.
--Shoeboy

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