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http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-roomba-blender-makes-smoothie-out-of-everythin,29539/

No One Murdered Because Of This Image.

No one has been killed over that picture: http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-murdered-because-of-this-image,29553/

Either you have free speech or you do not. "Ethical concerns" is a thinly veiled word for "censor that which offends us".

The Onion has this pegged...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebody-should-do-something-about-all-the-problem,11018/

Is that like this guy?

Maybe we can found a new country, Extremistan, and put them all there to kill each other while the rest of the world enjoys peace and pluralism.

I think the country you were thinking of was Ethniklashistan.

How can people get excited by this stuff? The original iPhone was amazing, but surely these 20% thinner/faster/smaller/wider/etc. incremental changes should not be causing the tech world to collectively cream in their pants.

The Onion of course nails this phenomenon perfectly -- starting at 0:21. http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-unveils-muchanticipated-iphone-4se,29489/

The problem is that the school forgot to get iPads with the MacBook wheel option.

A question, in all seriousness, to any Russians in the audience: does Putin doing these sorts of stunts actually increase his appeal to voters (I presume that's why he wants publicity of him doing these things), or is the reaction more along the lines of "there goes Putin, making himself look macho again"? Obviously national leaders have hobbies, just like anyone else does, but he's racked up a long list. Sometimes it seems like he's trying to get himself into Mountain Dew commercials.

I have relatives in Alabama who have voiced the same fear about their small town. Perhaps this hysteria is quite widespread, as even The Onion spoofed it (their article is set in Murfreesboro, TN, not too far away in fact).

This somewhat tangentially reminds me of the Onion's jab on HP and the cloud. That is, it sounds like Gibeau wants to move the company blindly in a direction and he barely even understands why. Being able to slap "online multiplayer" on the box was a cool thing...ten years ago. After many successes and many failures of applying online multiplayer to different types of games I think we these days have the information to apply it judicially. Some games benefit, others don't. Requiring online multiplayer takes out a HUGE chunk of your potential content, and thus customers. Either that or it bogs down what would otherwise be an excellent game with onerous multiplayer development and support.

Maybe his celebrity allowed him more sway with the NHS, but Stephen Hawking already got one of these over a decade ago.

I can barely be hassled "typing" any more than 3-4 sentence email on an ipad before I get annoyed.
Tablets are great for some things (content consumption primary amongst them). But honestly, any time I am told that tablets represent a "post-pc" world for content creation (whether professional coding, or simple word processing), I just laugh.

Laugh? You can't be serious, can you?

Onion did it

http://www.theonion.com/video/hp-on-that-cloud-thing-that-everyone-else-is-talki,28789/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/july-21-1969,10515/

Apparently strip clubs do well at these events, and CNN quoted some informal poll that suggested Republicans spent 3 times as much on "Adult" entertainment than Democrats at the last two national conventions of each party.

You may also find this news piece interesting.

The American constitution states what the government can do, not what it can't.

Not only does it sound like you haven't actually read the US Constitution, it sounds like you didn't even read the full quote of the 1st Amendment in my parent post. Exactly what part of "Congress shall make no law..." do you believe is something states what Congress can do, rather than what Congress cannot do? Since when does "you shall not do that one thing" mean "you can do some other stuff", while explicitly not, instead, meaning "you cannot do that one thing"?

Don't be this guy: http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passionate-defender-of-what-he-imagines-c,2849/

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

To ensure our children get the best possible education, they should be taught both sides of the story: http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/

Why not take an empty canvas and put it on the wall? Or drive around for half a day collecting random crap, then toss it all in a public square - call it a sculpture and a 'statement'.

Funny

In all seriousness, there really should be a different word for these pomo conceptual people. Art has to have _some_ beauty in it, doesn't it? It _has_ to require talent beyond the everyday, doesn't it?

We should be able to expand art beyond renaissance-era landscapes and portraits using oil-on-canvas without debasing the term 'art' to cover everything. It make the term useless, just like some people are doing to hacking: ever since everything requiring the smallest modicum of... time? became hacking, every douchebag with time on his hands has felt welcome at HOPE, but at the same time a unique group has been diluted to nothing: something has been lost.

That all depends on the camera you have. On my camera, I only have one wheel, and so yes next to shift+wheel for shutter speed, but you do know bigger cameras have more buttons and two wheels, one for aperture and one for shutter speed? :) Try 'em out, you might realize some models have all the buttons you want, not to mention that if you know your ISO button, pressing it + wheel doesn't require you to think or look.

But you have it right, camera manufacturers _get_ UI (mostly). Car manufacturers, on the other hand... It seems the more expensive your car, the more electronics gimmicks they put, at the detriment of good interface. Good lord people, I do not, ever, want a single button/knob that changes everything from the radio to the A/C to the mode of the car. That would just remind me of the Onion spoof on the Mac with a single clickwheel as keyboard.

I liked the line in the original article:

one Microsoft Office developer is currently working in the Garage on a tool allowing people to make mobile payments with just their bodies.

I think this already goes on all over the world.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/housewife-charged-in-sexforsecurity-scam,1773/

Obligatory Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/wikipedia-celebrates-750-years-of-american-indepen,2007/

f-book sucks and you suck for talking about it

In a capitalist society, abundance is not a feature.

Who is saying about abundance? Solar power is limited.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nbc-sorry-we-didnt-alter-the-laws-of-space-and-tim,29011/

ZOMBIE REAGAN!

That will be handled by repatriados.

I know that the story CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs was in the onion, but I would be surprised if the CIA did not tap into Facebook's data. Those of us who do not have a Facebook account must be a pain ... how to encourage us to tell the CIA^h^h^h Facebook all that they need to know .... how about make them feel worried that they might fall under increased suspicion ? Well: it will work with a few people, so a cheap and effective way of gathering information about more people.

Behold, the MacBook Wheel, which will making typing a thing of the past: http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

Relevant:
http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

See also: American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress.

Ultimately, of course, this is all just a bunch of people being brave in hindsight. We know that guns are effective at deterring normal crimes, however an insane shooter obviously offers a different problem. At some point a shooter is going to run up against an armed citizen, and then we'll find out for sure just how effective they will be.

yes, someday,

perhaps in the far-flung future,

we'll see what actually happens

when armed citizens

confront crazed mass shooters.

surely, such an event will irrevocably alter the dialog on armed self-defense from that day forward.

I had the Viper that would shoot the dart all the way, before the recall.

Also, this. http://www.theonion.com/articles/fun-toy-banned-because-of-three-stupid-dead-kids,290/

Hey, at least we know that it reality it takes at least a dozen dumbass kids now to ruin it for everyone else... The Onion pegged it at three, back in the day.

I threw away a set recently, although my main concern was my two large dogs, not my 2 year old daughter. Also, obligatory Onion... http://www.theonion.com/articles/fun-toy-banned-because-of-three-stupid-dead-kids,290/

http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

Yes, yes. The Onion already wrote an article about you 12 years ago.

Done.

Why is it snobbery to say that one does not watch tv?

Because there's an implied "because it's bad, and so are the people that do watch it." Note that so many state the time they have not watched it, like they are measuring against others. It's a statement, not a state of being. I don't hold it against someone that doesn't own a car, but I do about someone that mentions it *every* chance they get. http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

Twelve years on...still relevant.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

This is great, but it has become a moot point for myself and others who have long since abandoned cable television.

I think I read an article about you: http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

lazy bastard, if you're going to do that, at least post the oblink

http://www.theonion.com/video/cias-facebook-program-dramatically-cut-agencys-cos,19753/ Months ago the Onion came out with this news.. the EFF is just catching up to the reality of it.

Plan To Get Laid At DragonCon 2001 Fails.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/

New keyboard-free laptop introduced by Apple

Been in planning for awhile in the US: http://www.theonion.com/video/obama-replaces-costly-highspeed-rail-plan-with-hig,18473/

(and yes, I know it's a spoof)