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Their global market share is so tiny (2007/8 *sales*. Not to be confused by the total number of phones in active use!), and their lack of Java so ridiculous, that we professional developers couldn't care less. They are not worth the effort, just to make some Apple fanboys happy, who won't do anything but complain anyway, because your app got more than one clickweel.

...but it is rich in culture.

A device for removing money from stupid people: http://store.theonion.com/yu-wan-mei-device-p-1021.html

Awww screw your damned flying car, where are my holographic discs already!!! I got lots of stuff to back up, you got lots of stuff to back up, we all got tons of stuff to back up people! We got all these big fricking drives and haven't had an affordable optical backup medium since DVD! Don't give me that Blu Ray crap either, as we all know that was Sony's way of pushing lots of DRM. Last i checked you can't even play a burnt BD on a set top BD player, or watch BD movies on your PC! So instead of something made by a media company trying to push their multimedia DRM crap, how about a nice holographic disc made from the start for data like DVD was. Then it will become popular, the media companies will be forced to go with it since BD will end up another Laserdisc, and we can all be happy with nice shiny 400+ holodiscs.

I mean what good is your fricking flying car if you can't even back up your vids huh? Not very good at all. Besides you know the morons talking on cells would make the sky a giant trainwreck anyway. And the only thing a stupid artificial brain would be good for is if we can light a fire under the Japanese asses with it so they will hurry up and build us our perfect sexbots already! I want the very first Alyson Hannigan bot that rolls off the line, and I'll even pay extra for the Vamp Willow outfit.

I mean we can put a man on the moon, but here it is the 21st century and Spoom ain't got his flying car, we all don't have a decent disc to back up our stuff, and I don't have my Alyson Hannigan bot! What the hell good is all this progress for if we can't even get the necessities people!

Way to rip off The Onion.

Blah, I say!

The "Accordion Hero" joke has been around for almost as long as Guitar Hero has. It predates Activision's acquisition of the franchise, and thus the Onion article as well. I'm not sure but I think Harmonix themselves actually originated the joke.

Way to rip off The Onion.

Ah. the age old argument. The Future Will Be A Totalitarian Government Dystopia vs. The Future Will Be A Privatized Corporate Dystopia

From the Onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30678

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_create_largest_novelty_atom

Hollywood will see the commoditization of entertainment blockbusters...

Yeah, right. A bunch of open source enthusiasts will create a blockbuster movie. This is a crowd that can't create a decent set of desktop icons or logos that don't suck.

The tools for creating a good effects movie are available right now. Download Blender. Here's some good work done with Blender.. Unless you have real talent, you'll only be able to make crap with it. Sorry.

Look at YouTube. The Onion's take on YouTube is apt. If YouTube ever gets a plagiarism detection system that works, YouTube will die. Almost all the good content is a copy of something. Taking video is easy. Making a good movie is very hard. Assembling bits of clip art won't cut it.

A few years back, I was talking to a successful Hollywood director about where the technology was going. What he wanted was technology that would allow him to make a major film for about $10 million to $20 million, with a staff of 20-50 people, instead of needing $100 million and the services of over 500 people. We still don't have that. That's the technical challenge.

"Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" was an attempt at a low-budget high-look production. The guy behind that actually tried to make the movie at home on a Mac, over a period of years. Not good enough. (The result can be seen in the "special features" section of the movie's DVD.) Producing the movie for real ultimately cost nearly $100 million, even though it was almost entirely green-screen work.

Google is the only mail service that I know of who still just won't accept my emails.

I had a similar experience; I run my own mail server, send no bulk mail whatsoever, and both Postini and GMail independently decided I was a spammer. No DNSBLs had me listed, ReturnPath was happy, etc. Meanwhile, I was blocked from sending mail to my lawyer, my financial advisor, my chiropractor, etc., all of whom turned out to be downstream from Google. Despite Google's claims that the customer is in full control of filtering, none of them were able to get at my e-mail without getting their sysadmins involved - which often required discovering that they had sysadmins at all.

Worse, Postini's spam filtering takes its own output as input. Once it's scored a message of yours as spam, future messages will be more likely to score as spam - which of course makes any subsequent messages even more likely to score as spam. Brilliant. At one point, my spam score from a triple-signed (SPF/DK/DKIM) server was 98 out of a possible 100.

Google's philosophy of "we don't do it unless we can automate it" works horribly when it comes to customer service. There's no feedback loop, no whitelisting, no channels, no nothing. It's SPEWS all over again, or perhaps the Kafka International Airport.

But Google has no reason to worry about false positives; the more messages they call spam, the more spam they can say they blocked. Perverse incentives.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50902 Nuff said.

Pong, eh? I know some excellent storyboards for that screenplay.

And we certainly can't discuss classic arcade game adaptations without mentioning the critically acclaimed Frogger trilogy.

when reading the post. I thought, "What does a satire news site have to do with routing?" The Onion

Get rid of the keyboard entirely. I'm fucking sick of it. Why don't we have shapeshifting touch screens yet? Yes, I'm impatient.

Apple had done it already: Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Leyboard

KFC No Longer Permitted To Use Word 'Eat' In Advertisements

Twitter Creator On Iran: 'I Never Intended For Twitter To Be Useful'

SAN FRANCISCO--Creator Jack Dorsey was shocked and saddened this week after learning that his social networking device, Twitter, was being used to disseminate pertinent and timely information during the recent civil unrest in Iran. "Twitter was intended to be a way for vacant, self-absorbed egotists to share their most banal and idiotic thoughts with anyone pathetic enough to read them," said a visibly confused Dorsey, claiming that Twitter is at its most powerful when it makes an already attention-starved populace even more needy for constant affirmation. ... (click link to read the rest)

Well, I hope these guys working in a similar area are invited to be part of the panel: http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology

They don't call it "America's Finest News Source" for nothing. They've been remarkably prescient about a great many things. Kind of like the John Stewart show is one of the few genuinely critical news shows remaining.

It's only natural that the (cough) "legitimate" news media want to get in on the action.

They don't call it "America's Finest News Source" for nothing. They've been remarkably prescient about a great many things. Kind of like the John Stewart show is one of the few genuinely critical news shows remaining.

It's only natural that the (cough) "legitimate" news media want to get in on the action.

They don't call it "America's Finest News Source" for nothing. They've been remarkably prescient about a great many things. Kind of like the John Stewart show is one of the few genuinely critical news shows remaining.

It's only natural that the (cough) "legitimate" news media want to get in on the action.

They will never learn!

Once back on Earth, the shuttle contracted, wedging the knob firmly in place

Simple solution: take the shuttle back up. Others have done it before.

TFA disagrees:

'Fly as is' is not an option, unknown damage and loads to the glass could result in failure during the flight, with no redundancy; dynamic failure could result in redundant pane failure.

Once back on Earth, the shuttle contracted, wedging the knob firmly in place

Simple solution: take the shuttle back up. Others have done it before.
     

After they saw how they lost sleeper cell after sleeper cell here in the US:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/after_5_years_in_u_s_terrorist
.
.

What people in China don' t know is that the content crossing the firewall is entirely simulated. The rest of the world is an illusion created by The Machines to keep them docile, when in reality most of Earth is a barren wasteland. Quite why The Machines kept this last enclave humans alive and constructed an elaborate fantasy world so that they could spend a significant proportion of their industrial capacity producing plastic crap for the illusory West is anyone's guess.

...As long as they don't use the same methods this guy did.

"Metric System Thriving In Nation's Inner Cities"

Apparently numbers like 9mm, key (for kilo) , cc's and liters are well known ;-)

As a happy Acer Aspire One user (running Fedora 11), I'd appreciate a 10" (maybe 12", at a push) version for easier, mobile working, but it's clear that the netbook market was a double-edged sword for the manufacturers because the units were popular, but margins were crap.

I've slowly watched the decent netbook products migrate towards 12" screens at price points that make me think "I might as well get a low-end laptop for that" and although "ultra thin" would be nice, it's not top of my list. The 'regular' technology in the netbooks/slim laptops is 'fine for me'.

Fair enough, I am not 'everyone', but how many are willing to pay a premium for ultra-thin cases, batteries etc. when the kit on the market today isn't exactly hernia-inducing? This smells of a marketing angle designed to keep margins up. We're not all like Mac sheeple that will buy it simply because it's shiny and made by Apple/Acer/Asus etc.: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

Japanese porn is WAY too fucked up to survive on

But you forget: they promised to stop!

placebos should be preferred as they dont have side effects.
Not Necessarily

Now EU has managed to make it 100 years away - it's an impressive achievement

they must be trying to one-up nasa

Stupid The Onion! http://www.theonion.com/content/video/are_violent_video_games

Fuck Everything, We're Doing 5 GPUs

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of graphics cards in this country. The GeForce was the card to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-GPU card... Well, fuck it. We're going to five GPUs.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent--I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more GPUs in there. I don't care how. Make the GPUs so thin they're invisible. Put some on the bracket. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth one in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which NVidia is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, five GPUs, sweet Jesus in heaven.

(Hey, Slashcode, why won't you format <i> or <em> inside <blockquote>?)

^_^ That was a good onion article, that one was.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

By the by, when did the onion open up their archives? I recall them shuffling articles out of their free page very quickly.

^_^ That was a good onion article, that one was.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

By the by, when did the onion open up their archives? I recall them shuffling articles out of their free page very quickly.

they need to hook up to get their fucking idiot box working again

Oh, I'm sorry... you were doing really well, and you blew it right at the last minute. ;-)

Any mention of "idiot box" results in an automatic link to this article and Godwinning of the original post. (^_^)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

...and that meteorite is the best he can do?

I would've expected a press conference, at least...

or goats?

WOOSH!

Seriously, The Onion is supposed to be comedy. Your not supposed to take is seriously.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29130

As always, The Onion is right on the money.

Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family

Perhaps you haven't heard:

Obama Revises Campaign Promise Of 'Change' To 'Relatively Minor Readjustments In Certain Favorable Policy Areas'

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_revises_campaign?utm_source=a-section

Having done some time in home repair I can only agree with The Onion, It's not as glamorous as the porn movies make it out to be. Different industry but house calls are house calls.

Sounds exactly like Gillette saying "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades"

nah. this is a better solution :
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_many_u_s_parents

> From 3 to 4 blades? Come on! http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930
> 4 blades? That's for pussies: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930 (AC)

Get back to editing! We pay you to post STORY dupes not COMMENT dupes!