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Wikipedia celebrates 750 years of American independence: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/50902

If that's a joke backfiring, what's success? Having America celebrate it's 750th birthday?

Not true any more, of course.

Yeah, and most of the tech stuff that's supposed to replace diamonds as a shiny gift was made by workers on a subsistence wage in totalitarian countries. Not a huge improvement.

The Onion has a nice piece on it.

But even so, someone using a knife or a bayonet might not be aiming for the area protected by the vest anyway...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46032

I don't really like big pharma either, but I'm not that paranoid. You know, I bet they have a great pill for that...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46032

Did you even bother to read the Wikipedia article you're linking to?

No, I've been too busy celebrating the US's 750th Birthday.

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Wow! Wikimedia has been really busy lately. They just finished celebrating 750 years of American Independence the other day!

You insensitive CLOD! Didn't you hear what happened to Kid Rock?

"Don't confuse stylistic influence with capability... There is nothing in the platform that says a site has to have any particular look.

First: admittedly, you are right -- people who take a lot of time to work with Drupal will get something different. However, the vast majority of Drupal sites do not stray outside the prebuilt Drupal design mindset, and this is true for Typo3 and Mambo as well. (This might not be a complaint about CMSs... maybe it's a complaint about the people who use CMSs.)

Second: you meant to link to http://www.theonion.com (no "l"), which is a good site.

I had to do a double take on that one. At first glance I thought it said "onion"

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33838

You know, I hate MySpace as much as the next fellow, but this sort of response to every MySpace related article is getting redundant. 'I'm so much different than all those crazy kids. I don't get it. Can someone explain it to me?' I think your type of people should have a cage match with these type of guys.

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of computing in this country. The Xeon was the chip to own. Then the other guy came out with a 64 bit CPU. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Pentium D. That's 64 bit processing and two cores. For supercomputing. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened--the bastards went to four cores. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling 64 bit CPUs with two cores. Dual cores or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to eight cores.

Its fun to take the original gillette article and play with it in this context.

Or get a locator for the locator a la http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39226

U.S. Dept. Of Retro Warns: 'We May Be Running Out Of Past'

It is satire, but with more than a grain of truth to it - one of The Onion's better articles. I guess we have arrived!

Mant

They even talked about 8x8 (2x 4 core CPUS). Just 4x4 strikes me as wasted power that the vast majority of enthusiasts would never touch. Most of the time the 2nd core is barely used even now.

Gillette has already created a version of this overkill in shaving:

U.S. Dept. Of Retro Warns: 'We May Be Running Out Of Past'

That was nine years ago.

I know I'm way late on this conversation, but I'd throw in a relevant link: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28121 :)

One counter-terrorism source told the Daily News it was doubtful a plot to blow it up would be feasible, saying huge amounts of explosives and a detailed knowledge of blast effect would be necessary.

Maybe the terrorists just need toAsk a Navy SEAL:

Dear Navy SEAL,
I am a happily married man with a warm and loving wife who is also my best friend. We've been together for 17 years and couldn't be happier. But lately she says she wants separate beds. I'm reeling! We're barely in our 40s, and in my mind separate sleeping is for seniors. Am I making too much of this? Help!
--Anxious In Andersonville

Dear Anxious,
Destroying a bridge might look easy in the movies, but remember: They're designed to withstand the immense shear-forces of wind and weather. Deploying an underwater M-32 satchel charge at the base of each load-bearing pylon looks like the answer, but it might not even shake a modern riveted steel highway or railroad bridge. Without delving into the complex language of the guerrilla combat engineer, the best advice I can give you is to forgo subtlety in favor of brute force: Put two satchel charges at each X-shaped trestle buck, and this should rob the bridge of any reinforcing strength and cause it to buckle nicely.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33642

Sounds great for politicos, too bad a vast majority of voters are more like this:http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33878/

This one correlates better, IMHO.

When reading I heard Frye's voice in my head but the words weren't stupid. Kind of like this Onion article. Very weird.

The sweater meat comment made me feel at home again.

What are you talking about? You can't find Microsoft! They've patented all their code!

see?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29130?issue=4 227&special=1998

It took Columbia's dissentigration to convince me, but Alex Roland is right. The Shuttle is a jobs program with a little bit of scientific research thrown in for fun. It's far more expensive than it was designed to be, and it's proven itself not viable time and again. The only people who aren't taking note are those who write the checks.

Fred DeJarnette, who worked on the original tile engineering is ready for a replacement. Let's do some real engineering and come up with a better spacecraft! (The Onion has an interesting take on the Shuttle program.)

What should we be doing in space? We should be using robots to explore (like the Mars rovers) and perform experiments in orbit. We should send people when we get the fuel to vehicle mass ratio better than 97%, and when it can warrant the expense of taking life support systems on a mission.

The Moon/Mars trips are another bigger jobs program, but they don't even have to get anywhere because the guy who called for them (and his successor, for that matter) will be safely out of office before the promised arrival date of 2018, so when it falls short, he won't have a
price to pay.

If Mars is the goal, the Mars Direct plan is much more economical. If the Moon is the target, go straight there, but don't use the Moon as a lillypad to get to Mars because landing and launching from there takes a certain amount of energy that needs not be expended on the way to Mars.

I want to see us (humans) explore space. I want to learn about the cosmos and I'd love to leave the planet (and probably return). I've followed the U.S. space program since I was old enough to know what a rocket was, and I've learned about the Soviet program since Glasnost. Now I'd like to see us do something meaningful - not just run a space truck to orbit and back, and not just design a fantastical Moon/Mars mission for the sake of it, but really learn about better forms of transportation and about the universe.

Forget Hubble. The greatest thing America has produced is The Onion.

As a British man, I love America and I hope the feeling is mutual. I raise this glass to the future of Science and hope you will raise your glass too! To Science!

At long last, some sign of approval from our parent country after all these long hard years! I'm going to tear up.

But really, cheers! :)

Huh? There's plenty of Libertarian hippies. Not quite as many as gun-nuts or anarcho-capitalists, but they're in there.

Unfortunately, he recently committed suicide.

Really, their subscription page says $39.95 a year, which surely must cover individual issues as well, no?

What are the alternative models if gravity waves simply don't exist?

Intelligent falling. After all, gravity is just a theory.

That's what the people in Raleigh thought...

From what I've heard working conditions in China are vastly improving.

But why would dolphins really develop both the sort of intelligence, and the limbs, needed to make and handle tools (which I think is an important part of developing the g type of intelligence as that which is seen in humans)?

link

Am I the only one who thought this was an Onion article? Either that, or 1984.

> Personally I have no interest in Chritianity. Perhaps this will help: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32294

Reminds me of one of my favorite Onion articles: CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

Maybe it was the last act of heroism like this laptop.

What is the point of having a permenant manned colony on the moon? We'll never terraform it. It will never be self-sufficient. The cost will never justify the science we could get out of it. We could do the same science with unmanned robots. We would learn more about robot design by building 'bots, and that's more likely to help us here and on Mars.

And then there are all the reasons NOT to go. There isn't enough gravity; humans may be harmed by prolonged living in 1/6 g. The lunar dust is as dangerous as the worst lung hazardous mining dust on Earth, and apparently it gets everywhere. There will never be an atmosphere to shield from cosmic rays. The moon is sterile (except for our junk up there) so there's not much exo-biology interest.

Oh wait, now I know why: it's a great opportunity for someone to spend billions of dollars on playing around with fun toys!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47977

Q: What Would Jesus Do?
A: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29540

Looks like Bill granted himself yet another stat boost. +Cha and Wis?
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29743

Geeked out.

he already has his exoskeleton built.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47492

Enjoy!

This nicely coincides with Sony's unveiling of its new electronic consumer device.

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television.

If you want to win, simply copy this approach to political cartooning.