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The only thing we know to be true for sure is that the PS5 is to be released in 2016 and that the Ghost Of Christmas Future looks oddly like he's wearing a raincoat.

If you like David Foster Wallace, you'll love The Onion's opinion!

Can we feed, cloth, and/or power the 3rd world with those rocks?

Well, the elastomers in nike shoes were made for the space suit. Hayes and other companies wouldn't have gotten R&D for basic research into elastomers otherwise. Nike employs lots of people in sweatshops in the third world.

and it takes a village to stitch 20000 dallas cowboys jackets.

so, YES! in order to get those rocks to feed our rocket envy, we had to invent stuff that now feeds, powers and especially clothes 3rd worlders all over the place.

after all, it's not like they're were going to invent high technology (and the might it provides) on their own. Otherwise they would have done it before we got there and kicked our asses in a war.

Did anyone else have any trouble taking this guy seriously because he formats his column like Jackie Harvey from The Onion?

That's the great part about retro. And the retro cycle is getting shorter and shorter.

Herbert: next time your Kornfeldness is in town, let me know. We party.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3907/orange_alert_sir ens.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3311/microsoftpatents .html

and they have had some pretty outrageous patents of their own!

Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5

He doesn't have to, IMHO it looks like a satirical story.

From the Cantrip Corpus homepage:

cantrip: (kän tRip), n. (Chiefly Scot.) 1. a magical charm or enchantment; 2. an elaborate deception or prank.
corpus: (kôr pus), n., pl. -pora, 1. a complete set of writings; 2. a dead body.

It doesnt need to be verified, in the same ways that this this and this don't need to be verified.

He doesn't have to, IMHO it looks like a satirical story.

From the Cantrip Corpus homepage:

cantrip: (kän tRip), n. (Chiefly Scot.) 1. a magical charm or enchantment; 2. an elaborate deception or prank.
corpus: (kôr pus), n., pl. -pora, 1. a complete set of writings; 2. a dead body.

It doesnt need to be verified, in the same ways that this this and this don't need to be verified.

He doesn't have to, IMHO it looks like a satirical story.

From the Cantrip Corpus homepage:

cantrip: (kän tRip), n. (Chiefly Scot.) 1. a magical charm or enchantment; 2. an elaborate deception or prank.
corpus: (kôr pus), n., pl. -pora, 1. a complete set of writings; 2. a dead body.

It doesnt need to be verified, in the same ways that this this and this don't need to be verified.

If you read the footnotes in the article, you'll see that it was a published post in comp.risks. That's sorta the equivalent of being an entry on a blog, except comp.risks usually has more credibility than this one.

When are we going to start seeing more links to articles from The Onion?

Slashdot looks to join the crowd

Does this remind you of anyone, Skippy?

I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm in awe that these two unpopular students (though not nerds in the strict sense) struck back and dealt a severe blow to the jock mentality: push us far enough and we'll strike back. Less deadly means would have been better, but now maybe jocks will think twice. Yes, it's terrible and all that, but how less terrible is the torment some people suffer at the hands of popular students?

Heh, heh. Some time ago, this sig got a reply listing
the chain of movies linking Kevin Bacon to Osama bin Laden.
So it's not just a joke.

Now if I could figure out how to use the /. search facility
to find that reply. All I seem to get is stuff about Kevin
Mitnick. Guess one Kevin is as good as another.

BTW, I should give credit to the Onion for my sig.

I don't think so.

Our friend "Willy" is in a lot of trouble.

Damn you Wonka!

The ONION has a list of ideas on its front page this week.

I'm going to have my name legally changed to something 27 letters long with no vowels, just to watch people try to pronounce it.

Speaking of Björk, ever notice how much she looks like Michael Jackson? Eeew.

Shoes!

I think you're on the same page as this onion piece

Give credit where credit is due. Secession was our idea. It didn't work out too well though.

The South will rise again... one of these days.

Eventually, Van Riper got so fed up with all this cheating that he refused to play anymore.

Notice how the two credits are both British? The whole article lacks a, uh, how should I say, sense of authenticity. Maybe an interesting read, but so was this.

Lieutenant General Van Riper (read: LtGen = O-9, second highest rank he can attain = he knows how to make himself look good + actually does) "refused to play" ? Please. By refusing to play, especially in the army, he's risking not only his career, but his retirement (and at LtGen, he's almost certainly gotten his 20 years in), prison (especially if its as high scale and high profile of an exercise as this article makes it seem) and eventually a dishonorable discharge that'd make it hard for him to get another job anywhere.

It's ridiculous to think that Iraq could win a war against the US. In the first 12 hours of the Gulf War, Iraq's chances of winning were gone. In 10 years, things have changed, but not that much. Iraq does potentially have the ability to hurt us (through casualties, if hey have any of these weapons of mass destruction we've heard so much about), but other than that, what do you think they could do? They can't even fly planes in the southern half of their country, let alone far enough to do anything to 1) a US military base, or even 2) one of the regional bases US forces are using.

That said, it'd be nice if something happened to prevent a war altogether.

Dude, there's an article about you over at The Onion.

I think you're right, The Breakfast Club is the earliest mention of the Canadian Girlfriend that I know of.

The Onion has written a story about it as well.

micromoog writes:
" I've read about you."

That's extremely funny, I'm going to send that to everyone I know. I sometimes feel like I harp on it too much (especially lately) but unfortunately the fact that I don't own a TV does come up a lot. This is because conversations frequently involve TV references. For example, last night a friend mentioned that his group of friends was sometimes referred to as the "Grey Council." Apparently this is a Deep Space 9 reference, so I had to ask, "what means this 'Grey Council?'"

Even old, old friends of mine seem to forget this too but generally catch themselves right after asking. "Hey, did you see [insert show here]. Oh, wups. Forgot."

"I watch TV and (gasp!) have independent thoughts. All things in moderation."

No, I don't think you do. If you watch TV in moderation then I would argue that you're abrogating your scope of right and wrong, just moderately. Television is a heavily filtered and often commercially influenced medium. Of this much I think we can agree. So what gets filtered? Things that are upsetting, first of all. Advertisers do not want a spot right in the middle of a 20/20 docu-drama on abortion for example. I think we can probably agree there too. So what is the end-result? You are exposed to less "radical" ideas. You're only seeing a slice, a perspective that does not impede your duties as a consumer.

I categorize this as damaging. The "all things in moderation" merely attenuates the damage.

Love the nick.

I watch TV and (gasp!) have independent thoughts. All things in moderation.

The eToilet. Where do YOU want to go today?

A parody is all in good fun. If local news outlets were decieved, they should blame themselves for being morons by not even looking at the bloody URL, to say nothing of getting confirmation from other sources. Seriously. Do they just search on google and report the first interesting thing that they find if the site looks semi-official? These are the kind of morons who would parrot an Onion article as if it were real news. There's a huge difference between parody and character assasination, and using registered trademarks or copyrighted material for parody or criticism purposes is PERFECTLY LEGAL without permission, hell, even if the "owner" of the material explicitly forbids you to use it.
Bringing the legal smackdown on this site for "libel" and "copyright infringment" is not only absurd, but simply fascist. This is an affront to free speech, which includes the right to criticize and parody anything you damn well please.

I disagree. It's more likely to be 'Phase 3.'

Starbucks has already begun the 'Phase 2' part.

The Onion.com

The Best Page in the Universe

Something Awful

Consumption Junction

The Bastard Operator from Hell

Don't forget

*nix.org either

Yup, good old mom. How right she was. Nowadays, we've got travesties like the Selfish Gene kicking around the gay gene (the second one down.)

:) -- cruz

Gaywads, Dorkwads Sign Historic Wad Accord

I don't see how playing McQuake IV and blasting away the Hamburgler or helpless French fries could be considered fun.

Hey, this would be a great opportunity to put retired mascots back to work -- like the Hammurderer or Shakes McJunkie. Parents can't complain if they're in an M-rated game! (Well, they 'll complain anyway, but it gives a good legal cover.)

And besides, those little "Fry Guy" bastards have it coming.

...would IMHO have made good presidents. If either Albright or Powell ran, I'd vote for her/him. I have far more respect for Powell than for any other current member of the administration, and it seems The Onion's horoscope agrees with me. (Is Dubya's sign Cancer, I take it?)

Anybody know what Albright has been doing since Clinton left? She kicked ass, I thought.

Doesn't anyone else think patenting genes is a little bit too much like this for comfort?

Who said satire was dead? Woo-hoo!

You cannot say that the club is unbiased - but you do not know that the club is biased either. This is not because it straddles some ambiguous nether-region. It is because you know nothing of the club beyond what you have heard or read. (Come visit sometime, the pizza is for non-members too!)

At the foundation of the club is a set of values that supercedes any corporate affiliation. At the core is the desire to learn about technologies that we are not exposed to in course material, yet may encounter in the business world.

Since Ohio State students are likely to graduate without meaningful technical exposure to Microsoft products, this is often the logical choice when looking for a solution to explore. Undoubtedly we can fall back on the assumption that if we choose a Microsoft solution it will be provided to us free of charge, but this does not drive our selection process as much as an outsider might imagine.

In a recent discussion on source control there were over 60 discussion posts over the course of two days - largely debating the merits of CVS vs. VSS. Ultimately we elected to set them both up and conduct an analytical study of the merits of each. If anything, as with society at large, I've noticed a subtle anti-MS bias among club members.

Later in your post you complain about a professor of yours whom you feel is being tempted by the beast.

You then comment on his apparently poor administration skills (only negligent admins were hit by the SQL worm). Maybe he's still learning?

You also use the term "allegedly" to describe your lack of knowledge regarding the financing behind the lab in question. I suspect that in your unbiased comments regarding the many Unix, Solaris and Mac labs in campus, you replace "allegedly" with "generously" when describing how financing for these labs were secured?

Perplexed at how an instructor might achieve impartiality given all of this bribery, you retreat to the rationalization that Java (with an 7 year head-start) development outpaces development in (1 year old) .NET. You sound like a boastful mother bragging that her son can read to the parent of an infant who still needs his diapers changed!

My point is that for someone who seems to continually lace his/her prose with subtle inferences to your distaste for MS, you're not a poster child for objectivity.

Everyone knows the way to quit smoking is with smokable nicotine sticks. Accept no substitutions.

Mmmm! Smokable nicotine sticks! All the cancer, none of the flavour!

New Smokable Nicotine Sticks: Can They Help Smokers Quit?

Microsft Patents Ones, Zeros

In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

Too late.

Microsoft beat you to it.

but can deep junior survive this challenge?

goddamn i have to clean my guts off the floor, cause my side split over that one. i have to say it's neither. it doesn't smell like real irony. and alanis irony would be more like, oh, i dunno, having a spelling test when you've got your period or something. not that that's a slag (no pun intended) against wimmin, because one look at my record collection would show you how much i respect women. the point is, it's (ed - ironic) a lot like alanis irony, only without the intention of irony that makes it's (ed - still ironic, but not funny this time) non-irony itself a little bit ironic. but it's still ironic. in that kind of "because it's stupid" way.

Don't forget the PS5!

It's a 2,048-bit console featuring a 45-Ghz trinary processor, CineReal graphics booster with 2-gig biotexturing, and an RSP connector for 360-degree online-immersion play.

Wait, 14 years from now? Crap!

I think I am going to hold out til 2016 to buy a new gaming console.

It may also be possible, some medical practitioners believe, to use copies to save lives on the operating table. A copy could be made of a kidney dialysis patient's good kidney, and then the copy could be inserted into the patient's body cavity, replacing the bad kidney.