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Scout Walker Kama Sutra
EvilXenu writes "What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex? Be sure to don your peril-sensitive glass before visiting. Graphical descriptions abound, such as: 'This is one of the few practical positions in which turretal stimulation of the rear sensor array can be comfortably attempted for any length of time without both of you having to disengage your leg stirrups.'"
just two words: I want !!!!!
I, for one, look forward to welcoming our new erotic Imperial war machine overlords.
"Hey baby, wanna check out my light saber?" And then I pulled out my fully functional light saber, and she left.
Very wrong.
:)
But funny.
Afraid be you, very afraid
Will this be a Star Wars Galaxies expanision pack?
Begin, this porn war has.
Now the site is almost unresponsive
Improper lubrication Error.
Disengage procreator in ODN Conduit u01.
Inject 10W40 into port.
If this error repeats, reboot libido and try again.
Welcome to the Earth edition of the Scout Walker Kama Sutra at www.scoutwalker.com
Within the site you will find many beautiful and erotic pictures illustrating the positions and practices Scout Walkers indulge in their more private, intimate moments that generally go unconsidered by the interstella media at large. It's hard to know how to subtly alter this site with sexual innuendos. These intelligent machines share a common bond with all other known races - a passion for passion.
We hope you find your visit to this site exciting, informative and educational. It is our wish that you will leave this site with a better awareness of the culture and individuality of cybernetic and robotic races you would otherwise have continued to perceive as souless production-line killing machines thoughtlessly bent on conquest and bloody carnage alone.
The Scout Walker Kama Sutra (all editions) was shot entirely in the county of Cambridgeshire, England, Earth during the Novembers of 1999, 2000 and 2001. Our thanks and appreciation go out to the RAF for the extended use of Bixby Hangar. We left it as we found it.
Foreplay is very important and erotic, but doesn't make massively sexy photos. So if you're just here for a quick wank, slip to Chapter Two which has some good pictures of Oral Sex.
Before Foreplay - if you have the chance - you should try and make yourself presentable and also set the scene. Even as a rampaging killing-machine out on the battlefield for weeks at a time you can still 'be prepared' by following basic daily hygiene as much as is practical. Cleaning you teeth, descaling your turrets, bathing daily - all are important not just in attraction of a mate but to prevent them pounding away screaming from your side when your drop your fetid armour and reveal the true putrescence beneath.
Anyway, if you can get past this stage but can both resist getting down to some serious humping there and then, we reach the issue of Foreplay - getting each other aroused and getting comfortable with each others bodies. Having a bit of a look round. Getting it up.
What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?
This guy has been dreaming of those erectile light-sabers a little too much.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
yeah that will be the day!
This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.
Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.
Looking for an Information Security student project suggestion?
Try http://dotcrimeManifesto.com/
Um.... mares and sex?
A story about sex and sci fi read by an audience home on a Saturday night
You, Me...and an AT-AT Walker... ...
Hey, Baby...don't be like that. No-one will ever know you got freaky with a robeast of the four-legged persuasion.
Uh...what are you doing with that tow cable and thermite grenade?
Princess Leia in a gold bikini. Jabba was a smart man.
"Far better to lean back, look up at the sky and blast off a few bolts in pleasure where they can do little harm. Be careful of airborne wildlife though - it's not only gratuitous and irresponsible to incinerate fowl in the throes of passion, but it's also something of a passion-killer when frying avian corpses begin to land on you. Be warned: this may even develop into a perverse requirement for gratification if done often enough at the vital moments.
Stories abound, however, that on Targus IV the course of battle was turned fortuitously by a gouging scoutwalker giving so much pleasure that its virginal recipient quite unknowingly blasted three entire attack wings of Targan Light Cruisers - on their way to defend the crumbling front line - clean out of the sky as they shot overhead."
from The Gouging Bull, under the Oral sex link
http://www.santacruzbynight.com/index.shtml Santa Cruz By Night Vampire Larp
Truly sad. Slashdot has hit an all-time low.
Chapter six is afterplay, go to sleep you pussy!
Everyone knows that Babylon 5 erotic fiction is far superior to Star Wars. What kind of losers are these people, anyway?
Slashdot - where whining about luck is the new way to make the world you want.
What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?
Linux and sex. Duh.
The coolest voice ever.
This is of no practical use to slashdotters.
webpage
Carrie Fisher is now fat and ugly. Welcome to the real world where time ravages beauty. Blech.
Not counting Pamela Anderson, of course.
Star wars and sex?
Slashdot and not getting laid?
May the intercourse be with you!
These guys are geniuses.
This is why fair-use and copyright expiration are absolutely necessary, so that people can create new works of entertainment without getting their arses sued off by the original artists' great-grand children.
Imagine what would have happened if they'd done this with Disney characters instead... WWDD?
3D Printing Tips and Tricks at Zheng3.com
My brain just made this popping noise when I tried to figure out who the audience for this could possibly be...
Christ, I think I let the smoke out. Thanks a lot, Slashdot....
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
...I thought it was *Scott Walker* kamasutra for a few nasty moments...
all-time low for /.
*gasp* Are people actually...reading the article?
To write a haiku - all you need is the correct - number of syli...
My woman loves anal sex. Sensory input in the region where the sun don't usually shine is pure bliss (so she says). This star wars stuff is getting out of control. Ever wonder what goes on upstairs in the Star Trek bar they have there on the Enterprise?
I am fully prepared to certify this site as the "Dumbest Thing on the Internet." Officially. Lord knows we've seen a lot, haven't we, brothers and sisters, lo these past few years? AmIhot/annoying, dancing baby, Mahir, Star Wars Kid, that Peter Pan Guy. But here on this day August 16th, 2003, I think we can say this is easily the most egregious waste of bandwidth ever.
I feel dimished for having clicked it, but somehow renewed and newly energized for having survived the experience.
It's all sunshine and lollypops from here on out, kids.
-- Spudnuts
Slashdotters, raise your hand if you have a girlfriend!
....
...
..
.
That's what I thought.
just wow
Someone had way too much time on his hands
and a very shallow mind.
Mod article down, -5 retarded..
if you want "No More Hiroshimas" then I say "You First. No More Pearl Harbors."
Excuse, me... What's that "sex" thing you're talking about?
Does it run Linux?
"I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive. "
You got that far? I was still trying to get into Position 2 in Chapter 3. But my partner Scout Walker has a "sensor-ache" so she turned around and powered off.
Hmmm, is there a chapter on Scout Walker Self Love...
Vincent J. Murphy
Spandex Justice
George Lucas managed to prove that Star Wars and Sex are two mutually exclusive domains.
Some of us have boyfriends. Maybe you should have just said "partner"?
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
Oh well.
I feel fantastic, and I'm still alive.
the average /.er come across the page and thinks....
"hmm... I've heard of this 'sex' before, I wonder at its promiscuity." and then moves along to the latest apple release.
*sigh* what a sad life a geek has:(
Game Overdrive - Gaming News
They probably use WD40 or 10w30 for massage, and wheel bearing grease as anal lube.
Good security is based upon reality and common sense. Common sense is a function of having common knowledge.
I was about to post basically the same thing, but I see it has already been done. I agree that has to be the biggest waste of time ever, right up there with the site that has plastic lawn furniture sex.
Oh well.... now back to rating people on hotornot.com
... if it were completely lacking taste, it would have had some sort of "Shaft" theme going on in the background.
Time to go to the attic, hook up the phono, and get down with the "collection."
This space for rent.
I'm married. My wife would kill me if I raised my hand.
"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
--Dr.W.Edwards Deming
These are not the Scout Walkers having sex that you're looking for.
Are you a VF grad? Check out the VFMA Alumni Forums VFMA Alumni Forum
I find your lack of librication disturbing...
You must master your joystick like a fisherman masters bait! - Gimpy
get laid more than your typical slashdotter it appears!!!
Umm... anybody remember any women piloting these things, or is thing going to get real GAY real fast?!?
I only look human.
My mother is a halfling and my dad is an ogre, so that makes me an Ogreling
This site reminds me of Furnitureporn.com
Do we get to see a sequel? The big AT-AT's doing it? :D
You must master your joystick like a fisherman masters bait! - Gimpy
I was half way through chapter 6. Now the site is almost unresponsive.
This type of story is exactly the sort of thing that fuels geek sterotypes as people with no social life who can't get laid.
Perhaps because it is the type of project that can only be tried by people with no social life who can't get laid.
Of course. Any serious geek would first mirror the site with wget to avoid a slashdotting...
Hey! that's my line.
I think that the sex that was in Star Wars scarred enough of us as is. You had Luke and Leia getting it on in the first movie. Then comes the revelation that they were brother and sister. Han Solo and Chewbacca are evidently a pair of 'nature's bachelors,' having found pleasure together on their space boat (which makes them sailors too). Really, the least objectionable scene of sexuality in the entire first series is when Leia is raped by a huge green tentacle monster named Jaba the Hutt. I think that there was a 4-8 breasted exotic dancer in one of the movies, but I might be mixed up on that. On the other hand, it would fit in nicely with Lucas' stagnant adolescent sexuality.
I could go on and describe the awkward sex in the new series, but that would involve watching that shit.
Proof to gentle society that it NEEDS to keep us employed. This was just a warning shot of those with "free" time. :-)
ODN is Star Trek technology. Sorry.
Is Drew Curtis posting stories on Slashdot?
Sound waves should be free!
...is just WRONG.
I'll never listen to that James Earl Jones quote "You do not know the power of the Dark Side!" the same way again.
Slashdot... despoiler of memories.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
STEP AWAY FROM THE EWOK!
Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?
Women and Sex?
Forget "Who's your daddy?!"
The time for "Who's your father?! has come.
Business \Busi"ness\, n.;
A scam in which all people involved perceive as beneficial...
People like this make me realize how lucky I am to have a life.
Thanks guys!
Here's the clip:
We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with "average-naut" Homer Simpson, and we'd like to -- aah!
[Camera shows a close-up of an ant floating in front of the three astronauts]
Ladies and gentlemen, er, we've just lost the picture, but, uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has been taken over -- "conquered", if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here.
And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves
Meh.
And you have succeeded in proving that...you are the geekiest geek. Congratulations. Not sure what prize comes with that.
Ceci n'est pas un post
I've seen this page before and I'm pretty sure that this was posted on slashdot about 6 months ago. I could be wrong, but I know I saw this a long time ago.
SCO is claiming patent rights to sex. It's a MERE $699 to ensure that you are not in violation of their policies in order to engage in intercourse.
...first post?
And, uhm... in Soviet Russia, sex watches YOU!
(-5, Troll... yeah I know. My karma is on fire. But I found it funny.)
I just shat myself laughing.....
Ripping an new rectum in the fabric of spacetime.
Or how about just star wars porn...
Yoda Does Dagobah
Deep Inside Amidala
Jabbathroat
Meh.
How about a cup of "STFU"?
And you have succeeded in proving that...you are the geekiest geek. Congratulations. Not sure what prize comes with that.
Excellent Karma on Slashdot?
http://use.perl.org
I'm married, too. My preference in cases like this is to say that I'm married to my girlfriend, though. ;)
What two things go better together than Star Wars and sex?
:: Don't mod me down! "I kid because I love"... errr something like that... ::
You're askin the wrong croud - Pretty much all nerds and computer geeks only have experience in ONE of those fields...
"You want to have sex with an AT-AT"
"I want to have sex with an AT-AT"
"It's a big hunk of metal that never goes soft"
"It's a big hunk of metal that never goes soft"
"Now go sit on that blaster turret"
"I'm gonna sit on that blaster turret"
wbs.
Huh?
There are amazon banner ads at the top of the pages advertising various kama sutra books and have the tags "Cheap. Discreet." on them. Yeah, that "HOW TO BONE CHICKS EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE A ONE INCH COCK ISBN 00182318123" on the packing list on the outside of the package is pretty discreet.
I wrote(and succesfully compiled) a bit of erotica involving my exagerrated penis size, alyssa milano, and anal sex, in C++. Even handled the exception that would occur if her asshole was too wide to provide sufficient friction.
h p# 000047
http://www.indrasweb.com/blog/archives/000047.p
You can all laugh at me now.
What would be frightening rather than merely pathetic would be if I extended that to a detailed story that also did something useful as a program rather than just was valid code.
yup.
I submit a story about avoiding future blackouts and it gets rejected in favor of this tripe? Jesus.
I hate sigs.
"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
All employees must wash hands before seeking equitable relief.
"Yeah, well, Dracula called and he's coming over tonight for you and I said okay."
She was in bliss, standing naked and petrified, on exhibit as a living statue. It was another fantasy come true.
Natalie Portman of course.
Im dreaming ofa big bndwdth, That can resist the
George Lucas managed to prove that Star Wars and Sex are two mutually exclusive domains.
Oh, I don't know about that...
"All right, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home!"
"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
"Evacuate? In my moment of triumph?"
"You came in that? You're braver than I thought."
"I don't care what you smell, you big hairy oaf! Get in there!"
"I'm endangering the mission! I shouldn't have come!"
"Don't worry. I'm sure Luke wasn't on that thing when it blew."
..When you play Barry White music over the communication channel!
we document a whole new set of sexual positions using WOOKIES! XXX!!!HOT WOOKIE SMUT!!!XXX what's sad is there're probably a website somewhere for that too.
That's just lame and unoriginal. I'd rather look at sheep porn (and aiming to be #1 on a google search for "sheep porn")
455fe10422ca29c4933f95052b792ab2
For all you geeks out there tonight:
www.unixsex.com
hmm... for fun I enjoy launching DDoS attacks against 127.87.42.5
Now Barbie and Ken dolls I could understand...
..........FULL STOP.
Hey, girlfriend, SO, soulmate, names don't matter as much as the heart being in the right place.
"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
--Dr.W.Edwards Deming
Maybe they should go even further and make string puppets. Then they could videotape them!
Karma: -2^0.5 . Mainly due to the imbibing of dihydrogen monoxide
...scoutwalker-se.cx? Ewwww.
...the fact that someone spent the time/creativity to create the website...
...or the fact that it's currently /.'ed.
Darth Vader (holding out DNA test results printout): "Luke, I am 99.99 percent sure I am your father."
Well scout walkers are ok, but the star wars character I would most like to see in this is Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) naked and petrified, with plenty of hot grits! She can loosen my "leg stirrups" any day!
Doesn't that sound like something that one could yell from a construction site? I am personally already ashamed of myself, but it had to be said.
When Argumentum ad Hominem falls short, try Argumentum ad Matrem
obviously hasn't been to Shabby Blue's.
Tierce>
Tierce
Who sponsors your feelings?
Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
Grooming the Wookie
Making the Kessel Run
Polishing Vader's Helmet
Evacuating Tatooine
Unsheathing the Meatsaber
Releasing the Special Edition
Jumping to Delight Speed
Communicating with Red Leader One
Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo
Tinkering With the R2 Unit
Manually Targeting the Rebel Base
Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
Test Firing the Death Star
Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.
Its like Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria!
I mean, damn, how can anyone say we aren't the greatest generation?
- Story on Star Wars and Sex, featuring explicit pictures of... robots
- Posted late on a Saturday night
- Gets >200 comments (and counting)
Perfect! Thanks everyone, good work. I'm quite certain we couldn't have matched this "quality" of "dialogue" on any other site on the Internet.-renard
the first step to fighting karma envy is to admit you have a problem
*wave hand* This is not the pr0n you are looking for.
Free as in mason.
Choking Jar-Jar
Just like IRL and euphemistically, surely what every SW fan really wants to do.
"Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it" - Tom Lehrer
Doesnt it get old? Surely you're more creative than this! What if you had to explain this to a girl you were trying to date? What if it was to an employer? A jury?!
Wouldn't you just get embarrassed at how boringly mundane your existance must be if you think you need to get First Posts! to be cool.
Please. Grow up.
The amount of time people waste on here is astounding. I can't believe some of the shit that people post on here. They never get replies, and they never get moderated up or down. Its just their little musings which aren't funny, aren't insightful and aren't stupid enough to get moderated down.
GO AND DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU!
RIGHT NOW!
GO!
Transcend the mundane, the oh-so typical slashdot crap.
blah.
Damnit.. I think this is the only time i'd of been quite happy to discover that the site had been Slashdotted.
Only it wasn't.. and now, even though I spent about 15 seconds on the site, I think some brain cells died.
"Hey! Unless this is a nude love-in, get the hell off my property!!"
I don't know my (geek) (computer science master) and his (geek) (history and information science master) girlfriend once made a series of "hardware pr0n" pictures with a motherboard getting gangbanged by a bunch of DIMM's, PCI cards, and even a philips screwdriver stuffed in the AGP slot ! On the other hand, they DO have a social life and they DO get laid.
Ceci n'est pas une signature
As described in the 'A Fishfull of Dollars' episode from season one of the docu-drama 'Futurama'
Thank you and good night.
As long as its not AT-ST's doing it with AT-AT's, thats just plain wrong, sick, and illigal in some countries!
Who'd rather see Natalie Portman?
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
Well, really.. What do you expect from a story that's on the front page on a Saturday night?
my sig's at the bottom of the page.
You came in that? You're braver than I thought...
"You're about as fun as kissing my sister ..."
Now I know why so few of us female slashdotters are single -- we're all dating each other!
I was thinking of the can and thought "sardines come in that can."
Excellent karma is great. Am, however, not sure if above link counts as 'excellent'.
That sounds more like a euphemism for diarrhea.
And get all huffy about geek sex innuendos? Sheesh. At least the rest of us are honest about it.
Star Trek...Star Wars...like there's a difference.
One of my sites made it to slashdot!
No, I didn't have a lot of time on my hands - it was very occasional work sporadically put in over a 2 year period, with all photos being taken only in November. Novermber 1999, November 2000 and November 2001. I don't know why.
Yes, I have a girlfriend, but no, it doesn't do anything for her!
It was great fun making it - it gave me a reason to buy my first digital camera and gave me some challenges in setting up shots (some blue-tack required) and lighting them consistantly (as I'm no photographer), plus of course the opportunity to write some textual descriptions that amused me.
If it raises a laugh: excellent.
If it raises me some cash through my Amazon links: pretty good.
If it raises your manhood: slightly worrying.
You're all taking this far too seriously. Lighten up, people. It's funny. Humour. Hah hah. Lol, if you must. Just enjoy.
bored and underpaid
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ed