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I was reminded of the classic Simpsons episode referred to by the original poster:

Bowler: Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. They're far too tapered for the ball you are using. You need something lighter, more delicate. Here, use my ball.
Marge: No, no thank you Mister... [looking at his bowling ball] Brunswick.

(For those who don't bowl, "Brunswick" is the manufacturer of the bowling ball.)

"TV, as it is, is hurting kids."

I call BS. TV isn't hurting your kids or anyone else's. TV is hurting your feelings because it makes kids ask you awkward questions about the real world you try too hard to shelter from them.

If you want to create an elaborate illusion of a perfect world and convince your children that this illusion is real, that's fine. Set Herry Potter books ablaze and turn the knob on your V-chip to "Ludicrous Speed". I don't care. If your children are observant and intelligent (and I hope they are) the day will come when your kids will notice that their parents have been dishonest with them since birth.

This revelation will come and it will embitter them towards you and hopefully they'll rebel and become goth and get arrested for posession of all sorts of narcotics. Then you'll get stuck with the therapy and attorney bills. Too bad I won't be there at the police station to point at you and bellow a hearty Nelson Muntz "HAAAA-HAAAA".

Ok it probably won't be that bad.

So the world isn't the way your small mind would like it to be. Hiding in a hole isn't going to fix anything. Living in a dream world will only make things worse for you. Enforcing a dream world on your children will only make things worse for them when the real world their parents insisted didn't exist bitch-slaps them.

We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of "Bort" license plates.

Simpsons

In the inmortals words of Nelson Muntz:

HA-HA!

http://www.snpp.com/guides/nelson.file.html/

ok, now you can die

As Bart Simpson had to learn the hard way (episode AABF05) :

"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse

As Bart Simpson had to learn the hard way (episode AABF05) :

"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse
"The President did it" is not an excuse

It comes from the Simpsons.

How much would a long haul semi-truck operation save if they could run their trucks 24/7 and didn't have to pay for drivers? That's a lot of profit to be had and profit drives innovation.

Myers: Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy, but so what? Animation is built on plagiarism!
[lawyer slaps his forehead]
If it weren't for someone plagiarizing the Honeymooners, we wouldn't have the Flintstones. If someone hadn't ripped off Sgt. Bilko, they'd be no Top Cat. Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum, Yogi Bear? Hah! Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney.

Myers: Your honor, you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from? Her?
[points at Marge]

Marge: Uh... Hmm... How about... Ghostmutt?

From The Day the Violence died

Don't you mean "sweet, sweet candy"?

That's why people get WARRANTIES.

Exactly how far up into my brain do I push the crayons?

Were there any innovative tooth-whitening/straightening products?

Chuckie: [as a prank, drops a pencil into the crack of Homer's butt]
Carla: Bull's-eye!
Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl. Now I lost my train of throught.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

[Simpsons references never go out of style...]

Or, they can watch one of the upcoming new episodes of the simpsons.

Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Vista/2359/ sounds/Homer/bees.wav
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/1F16.html

Time for the obligatory Simpsons quote from Treehouse of Horror VII:

Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They're nothing but hideous space reptiles! [audience gasps in terror]
Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
Man1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away!

Civil Air Patrol? I thought they just guarded the parking lot at air shows.

Treehouse of Horror VII (1996) The Halloween episode features my favorite Kang and Kodos story, in which our slobbering one-eyed aliens morph into Bob Dole and Bill Clinton. Golden moment: "I suppose you want to probe me," says Homer, on board the flying saucer. "Well, you might as well get it over with." Kang, raising a tentacle: "Stop! We have reached the limit of what rectal probing can teach us!"

I seem to recall a similar civic-minded proposal made by one Mr. Snrub!

Simply because Nader is a liar. There's no difference between the Republicans and the Democrats?

That was exactly the presentation that Gore and the Democrats gave during the 2000 campaign, when his response to most of Bush's statements in the debates was "I agree". That's not Nader's fault.

Until 2001 our "two party" system was the center of the right, versus the right of the center. No question, though, that in the post-9/11 world the neo-cons have taken over the administration, and they are dangerous freedom-hating fuckers who need to be thrown out of the White House - preferably from a great height and into a tank of water filled with great white sharks, electric eels, piranha, alligators, and a lion.

From snpp.com:

Bart: Here we go. Kwyjibo. [places his tiles] K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over. I'm outta here. [gets up]
Homer: [grabs Bart with his left hand, holding a banana in his right]
Wait a minute, you little cheater!
You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is.
Bart: Kwyjibo. Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape! [leaps for Bart]
Bart: [making his escape] Uh oh. Kwyjibo on the loose!

...where's my Skittle-brau?

Tubby? The name "Tubby" is hurtful, as my weight problem is glandular.

Are you going to eat that pretzel?

linky

Read the script! -- You, sir, are the one who is wrong.

Yes.

Ah, the ironing just gets better and better...

Certainly, the framers wanted there to be alternatives in cases of dire need...

Homer: America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They're nothing but hideous space reptiles. [unmasks them]

[audience gasps in terror]

Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us. [murmurs]
Man1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.

[Kang and Kodos laugh out loud]

(FBI agent to Homer): But all we've ascertained from sattelite photos is that its not on the roof . . .

From: The Trouble With Trillions

(Chief Wiggum lets a police dog sniff Homer's underwear. It runs off whimpering.)

Wiggum: Eh, it's a shame. He had one day left until retirement!

--5F18, "Natural Born Kissers"

Homer: A hamster ball!
Ned: Just like the one that saved Ezekiel!

You did it, Nibbles. Now, chew through my ball sack.
-- Principal Skinner, "Skinner's Sense of Snow"

or here

or google

Oh and I need more characters per line

"I want a horn here, here, and here.
You can never find a horn when you're mad.
And they should all play `La Cucaracha'."
--- from the book of Homer, 7F16

Just don't try to use it to abolish television like Sideshow Bob did:

From episode [3F08] Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming:

The scenes flash through people throughout Springfield and then the mushroom cloud appears, very small, and sets off the smoke detector in
the blimp. The bomb casing breaks apart and rats scatter.

Bob: [reading from the bomb casing] "Best before November 1959." Dammit, Bob. There were plenty of brand new bombs, but you had to go for that retro 50s charm.
[to kids] Well, if it isn't my arch nemesis, Bart Simpson. And his sister Lisa to whom I'm fairly indifferent.

Oh, that would be adult.

I don't see any tigers around, do you?

Yeah, the problem is that I got it from snpp.com and they've got it spelled wrong. (At least twice, actually.) You'll see that I posted a correction myself. I'm going to contact them and get that changed. 'Spacious' reasoning makes no sense. :P

from the Stonecutters episode:
Homer assembles the crew to repaint an apartment building covered with graffiti. The superintendent walks out and kisses Homer. "It looks so much better...a beautiful sky blue," she admires as a helicopter crashes into it.

from snpp.com

(although it appears this still isn't to be considered an "official" answer)

Season 2 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish. 7F11
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/7F11.html Readily available by purchasing the DVD set. Homer does NOT die in the episode, but does go through the grieving you describe.

In one episode, the Simpson's house is right next to the nuke plant. Homer, after driving all the way to work, ends up parking right next to his house.

Just another example of the weird geography of Springfield (it must exist in a higher-dimensional space).

mitch

No, they don't. They tell you where the actors playing "The Simpsons" live, but not where the show takes place. Let's see what SNPP has to say about it:

In the first airing of [BABF19], "Behind The Laughter", the narrator gave Springfield's location as Northern Kentucky. For the second and later airings, this changed to Southern Missouri. Neither of these are admissible locations for Springfield, for the many reasons listed later in this document.

What's the explanation? This episode is not canon. It portrays the show not as a cartoon created by Matt Groening, but as a live-action sitcom originally written by Homer and starring his own family. None of what happens is part of the main Simpsons continuity... just like any Halloween Special.

Try this http://www.snpp.com/guides/springfield.list.html

...(2) creating obstacles on a public roadway,...

Snake: [chuckling] Huh ho! Okay! Baldy-boy hits wire, head comes off, Li'l Bandit rolls to a gentle stop. Everybody wins! [twangs wire]

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/scg-9.txt

Mr. Spleen

Do not underestimate the power of an inanimate carbon rod!

Marge : There's a man here who says he can help you.
Homer : Is it Batman?
Marge : He's a scientist.
Homer : Batman's a scientist.
Marge : It's not Batman!

ObSimpsons...

Homer: "Florida?!? But that's America's wang!"

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/BABF16

I know you said teat, but I couldn't resist.

...conduit large enough to handle a good number of runs beneath the street...

I hate when people hyperlink every other fucking word in a story they submit. For this post, I don't need links to Mozilla or Open Office to gain more information on the story, it's a fucking nuisence if you ask me.

(from snpp.com)
Bart: Telegram for Lisa Simpson. [mimes opening an envelope]
Homer: [to Lisa] Don't listen! It's a trick.
Bart: Dear Lisa: Psych! Psych, psych, psych. Signed, Super-
psych.
Homer: [to Lisa] I think he's trying to psych you out.
Marge: Look, we're all trying to have dinner. So why don't we
just -- psych, psych, psych!
-- "Tennis the Menace"

Bart: [rings bell] Flanders is a soft touch. He'll give us the
money for sure.
[Ned answers the door. He's wearing dark glasses and
carrying a cane]
Ned: Jesus? Is that you?
Ralph: Mr. Flanders, you're blinded-ded!
Ned: Oh, yeah. I never should have had that trendy laser
surgery. It was great at first but, you know, at the ten-
year mark your eyes fall out.

"Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch."

(If you don't recall the episode that came from, see this for a re-fresher!)