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This originally started off as a "I think this guy is trying to rip of me off" post on the SA forums. Through the magic of peer pressure and paypal, it blossomed into this wonderful production.

The thread is now in the Comedy Goldmine here and has over 3200 replies and 3/4ths of a million page views.

All the while the US moves closer and closer to the Terrible Secret of Space!

Captain Novolin , anyone?

You must be joking. Unless by "artsy" you meant "accepting of rape", of course.

So I read the SomethingAwful page.

For every weird kink, perversion, or degenerate behavior, there exists at least one adherent. Proof is left as an exercise for the Internet.

- source unknown. [Can anyone provide an attribution?]

Figuring I'd put it to the test, I made the mistake of Googling for ASFR.

Alt.sex.fetish.robots.

Chalk up another data point in favor. And remind me never to pipe the captured output of an NNTP session's LISTGROUPS command through sort | grep "alt.sex" again. What the fuck was I thinking?

Now if you'll pardon me, I've gotta find out what sick fuck issued a newgroup for alt.sex.cthulhu. I'm already sinking, I may as well dive into the deep end, right?

Thanks for reminding me

Yeah, he seems a little more like the Free Candy Man... unfortunately, that means he targets children.

Video games are only better than pr0n because they don't actually display naked bodies and shiny fluids.

You're playing the wrong games, mister.

Or rather, you're not playing the wrong games.

Go on over to J-List and say again that the most fucked up games don't come from Japan.
Or to ssee the worst of the worst, check out SomethingAwful's Hentai Game Reviews

Yes! The Proxomitron is a wonderful piece of software, is free, and the most configurable (and therefore most flexible) pop-up blocker that exists.

The best part is that it's not only useful for pop-up blocking. It can kill any annoyance on webpages from background MIDIs to animated GIFs. It can ADD things to pages as well - I have it configured to add a sliding sidebar to any page on the forums I visit with links to each individual subforum.

It truly is a wonderful piece of software.

Go /. these assholes!

Microsoft at the party would probably look something like this
"Pass the dip, guys!"

Frolixio always seems to do a good job!

Dok

You've obviously never heard of War In Heaven then, eh?

HARHA!!! I MAED A PAgE4 PEPL LiEK U! LERn TO USE TEH INTARNET OR DIE MOORON!!!!

There's a classic n-Gage 'review' at somethingawful, I don't think I'll ever forget this phrase:

"Nokia has spent millions despite the fact that every sensible indication is that the N-Gage is the biggest piece of shit since a meteor made of shit crashed into the planet Crapulon's capital city of Shitopolis."

>Men are inherently incapable of portraying women
Oh come on! They obviously didn't play this game!

My girlfriend is a sadistic, cruel, pathological liar who I can never trust with anything more important than a napkin used to wipe dog snot off the kitchen window. She always claimed my penis was big enough to satisfy her, but my incoming email continuously proves her wrong, explaining that I'm way too small and she secretly wants me to grow a penis so monstrously large that upon ejaculating, it does more damage than catching a load of buckshot in your face from a double-barreled shotgun three inches away. One day I attempted to confront her about these falsehoods she was using to poison my mind and she responded by feigning ignorance. "What emails are you talking about? I never sent you anything of the sort!" I confidently pointed her in the direction of my inbox, and after a few clicks she replied, "honey, those are spam messages from accounts named "pf38faf238@z4e9fgk39g3mail.com." I called her a liar and stated that if you read something on the Internet then it must be true. That's when she suddenly became "clumsy" and accidentally fell down the stairs. It also explains why she has to now wear the giant dark aviator sunglasses even at night; she wants to be a jet pilot like Clint Eastwood in the movie "Firefox" where he had to steal a Russian military prototype jet which flew so fast that it traveled through time and made Eastwood age 40 years for every 40 minutes spent in it.

Shover, a robot for Grandma

Anyone else get reminded of the Pizza Matrix after seeing this? Maybe I'm seeing too many of those mushrooms, but they do sound like good pizza toppings, for pizza pizza pies.

check out this hawt chix0r!!!!11`

Dating Sim... Japan... ah, I get it, that's the politically correct euphemism for hentai game these days...

• Lucas realized that fans simply couldn't get enough of the Jedi, so the Super Special Edition is guaranteed to have at least one Jedi in every frame of the film. "We want to just totally Jedi the fuck out of the audience." he says. "There will be Ewok Jedi, bantha Jedi, shark Jedi, and even a Jedi knight who that's made up of other, smaller Jedi."
• The obvious love triangle between C-3PO, R2D2, and Jawa #2 will be more thoroughly explored.
• The famous cantina has been changed into a barber shop which is run by several quirky and humorous black men. "I realize that Star Wars hasn't appealed to negroids in the past," Lucas explains, "and I blame myself. I mean there was Lando, and that's it. While Billy Dee Williams was probably the smoothest man alive, it simply wasn't enough. Before settling on the barber shop, I had considered cranking the brightness of the film down dramatically to make everyone darker, but the guys in the editing room don't let me touch the controls anymore."
  
  At this point, he once again waved off my concerns about the scene in question ripping off of another film, and he threatened to have my "memory banks erased" if I brought up the subject one more time.
• Han Solo never shoots. Ever. In the original release of the first Star Wars film, Han distracted a bounty hunter that was after him and then shot the bounty hunter dead before he could even make a move. In the Special Edition, however, the bounty hunter shot at Han first, making it look like Solo killed the bounty hunter purely in self defense. This seemingly small change belittled one of the core qualities that made Han cool in the first place in many fans' minds, but Lucas feels otherwise. "I think the greatest quality of Han's character is actually his striped pants. Every time he shoots or talks, it takes the moviegoer's focus away from the pants. Removing every single blaster shot that Han fired is such an obvious decision that I'm embarassed I didn't think of it sooner."
• Stormtroopers no longer close their eyes when firing their blasters. The trilogy is now a single thirty-seven minute film.

somethingawful.com link

Looks like Senator Orrin Hatch is building himself quite a track record (originally with his bulletproof scheme of remotely destroying illegal filesharer's PCs, and the large amount of stolen JavaScript used on his webpage) One can only wonder how long it will take for the suits at the RIAA to come to terms with how they can't shut down or neuter this "internet" thing, no matter how many potential customers they litigate to poverty. Personally, I'm all for a messy, violent demise of the recording industry (and Orrin Hatch, just to be on the safe side), so that my children (and hopefully my children's children) will never have to be subjected to the absolute horror of hearing an 'Australian Idol' finalist sing ever again.

Astronauts sent to Mars to look at rocks UNACCEPTABLE
Astronauts sent to Mars to get kids off crack ACCEPTABLE

Astronauts build Moonbase to study lunar environment UNACCEPTABLE
Astronauts build Moonbase to develop cure for cancer ACCEPTABLE

Rover sent to Mars to dig for fossilized microorganisms UNACCEPTABLE
Rover sent to Mars to subdue and rape sentient aliens ACCEPTABLE

Satellite launched to study the Sun's radiation UNACCEPTABLE
Satellite launched that can shoot commies with lasers ACCEPTABLE

Probe sent to explore Jupiter's moons UNACCEPTABLE
Probe sent to allow baseball players to continue using steroids ACCEPTABLE

Rover explores Venus searching for unusual rocks UNACCEPTABLE
Rover explores Venus searching for Abraham Lincoln's Ghost ACCEPTABLE

International Space Station for fuck knows what UNACCEPTABLE
International Space Station for production of Hi-C Ecto Coolers ACCEPTABLE

>>> Horrible pixellation is no longer fashionable

>> Then why are so many people trying to pirate and emulate the latest SNK fighting games?

> SNK games are not open source.

I recognized that SNK Playmore follows a proprietary software business model. I was giving an example of "horrible pixellation", running in a similar video mode to Quake 1, that is in fact fashionable. If 320-pixel-wide video modes are no longer fashionable, then what explains the success in both commercial and pirate circles of SNK titles that use such modes?

> and the kde games are not on the level that even Age of Empires was years ago.

Level of what? Do you seriously think more people play AoE style games than play solitaire? How would you suggest that one design and implement, say, a solitaire sim on a higher "level" as you put it than Kpatience? And it's true that 2D RTS games such as Stratagus are not as graphically sophisticated as the more recent 3D RTS games, but as the success of SNK games shows, since when are graphics everything? If graphics were everything, a version of Photoshop Elements specialized for turn-based image editing contests would be the hottest selling video game.

You can't mention the pusher robot or shover robot without giving credit to Lowtax and his original ICQ prank that started the whole thing.

You can't mention the pusher robot or shover robot without giving credit to Lowtax and his original ICQ prank that started the whole thing.

n/t

I can't believe the game "Water Closet" didn't make the list.

If you like those, go to www.somethingawful.com and check out the Photoshop Phriday section, they do a cool post on Fake Games once in a while, and they are really really funny.

PostgreSQL on a game console: "My pistol will perform a SELECT query on a bullet and then use it to perform an INSERT INTO query on your head and truncate your life, you denormalized villain!"
(from a SA game review)

Forgot to mention that those images came from this article in Something Awful's Comedy Goldmine. So funny.

Forgot to mention that those images came from this article in Something Awful's Comedy Goldmine. So funny.

Forgot to mention that those images came from this article in Something Awful's Comedy Goldmine. So funny.

Even Mr. T thinks you should buy one! And with advertisements like this one, all the fans of Dude, Wheres My Car will want one. Those two should take care of most of the US population, I'm sure.

Even Mr. T thinks you should buy one! And with advertisements like this one, all the fans of Dude, Wheres My Car will want one. Those two should take care of most of the US population, I'm sure.

Nope. He is Al-Sahaf according to the Something Awful Goldmine.

Nope. He is Al-Sahaf according to the Something Awful Goldmine.

yes, stupidity exists to this degree

yes, stupidity exists to this degree

This MP3 is the funniest thing I've heard in a while!

Corn_Boy - no sorry, I do not know much about the robot industre

Lowtax - You should, some day robots will be in your house! Wether you know it or not!

Pusher robots
Shover robots
Force robots
Bumping robots <<=====

you know!

Corn_Boy - I hope that they dont go crasy and shoot me

It is round like a circle and makes you a dumby!! The learning triangle is the ultimate truth!!11!one And beware the caves too!

Here's a few.

The first one is the perfect posterboy for the young filthy gnu hippies.

JeffK, si taht yuo??1?

Something Awful has some reviews of some hentai dating sim games. As it turns out, if you can imagine it, someone has made a game twice as disturbing.

is here.

Even though the game apparently sucks completely, and is completely awful... you can still at least move around and finish the race (even though you can never lose apparently). Over at Something Awful's Game Reviews, they actually gave Slave Zero a rating of "?", since the game refused to even start (and they even give screenshots of the black screen that it gives). In fact, a lot of the games there give Big Rigs a run for it's money as far as terrible games go.

Everyone else who said that their rating system doesn't go lower than 1 is probably right... but I would argue that that would mean that their rating system sucks (or at the very least, is broken). Otherwise, it's impossible for a game to get less than 10%, which means you have to adjust all their scores to compensate (ie, 9/10 is really 8/9). That's being a little too anal about things though.