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http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/...

Women offered chance to give birth anally

Looking across the pond and seeing what's going on in the US right now is so patently absurd

Look who's lecturing us: YOUR country Brexited your asses into recession.

We'll see who gets to gloat.

Apple reveals iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally

It's because women are smaller.

I'll just leave this here.

Exactly. If the choice, back then, have been those games plus what we have now, no-one would ever have touched the old ones. For every Tetris or Mario there were loads of really, really dire, boring games.

This springs to mind:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=4519&print=1

That's why we recently appointed Abu Quatada as our Jihad Tsar, whose job (amongst other things) is to implement sharia law in the UK.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/abu-qatada-appointed-uks-jihad-tsar-201202074865

On a more realistic note, the poll you mention was carried out by a notoriously right-wing paper (the Sunday Torygraph) and tubthumped by the notoriously xenophobic ones (the Daily Heil). Back in 2006. Nothing has so far apparently happened about this supposed groundswell of angry muslims eager to start stoning unbelievers and I still haven't been stoned to death my a single one of my friends or cow-orkers.

Please compare this article from the spectator (also right-wing) on a similar thrust that was made in 2008:
http://www.spectator.co.uk/features/825601/our-survey-shows-british-muslims-dont-want-sharia/

There seems to be an awful lot of (presumably american?) people on slashdot that seem convinced that the UK is somehow populated by trillions of militant muslims hell-bent on dragging the country, and later the world, back to the dark ages. Perhaps it's just the rarefied circles I've moved in but I don't think even 1% of the muslims I know or have met are even remotely interested in anything approaching muslim or any other theocracy, in fact most would find the very idea of such abhorrent as they were quite happy to escape from one. And much like most christians or people of any other religion, they're eternally irritated by people thinking that the fundamentalist blowhards represent them.

A quick guide to how much NaCl you should include with anything you get from the UK newspapers:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BritishNewspapers

Islamophobia is also a fun read:
http://www.islamophobiatoday.com/

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/people-without-tattoos-labelled-freaks-and-attention-seekers-2013060771240

However, some in the Jedi organization are not happy about it

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/space-couple-to-have-massive-row-when-they-miss-the-turning-for-mars-2013022861307

Asteroid miners to clash with android Thatcher

UNIONISED asteroid miners will battle a robotic version of Mrs Thatcher in the 22nd century, it has been claimed.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “As entrepreneurs explore the possibilities of space rock mining, they are simultaneously aware that one day the IUM – Intergalactic Union of Mineworkers – may become a problem.

“Mrs Thatcher’s brain will be removed from her body and cryogenically frozen until the technology exists to slot it into an android body, like a witchier version of the thing from Metropolis but with massive steel hair.

“Then she will be blasted into space to battle the socialist cyborg leader Scarg-1LL.”

> Maybe they're scientists.

Or religious fanatics: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/israel-and-hamas-predict-different-result-from-doing-same-thing-2012111949611

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-technology/microsoft-unveils-new-tablet-for-uncool-people-2012061931075

IMO, the keyboard touchpad cover is an interesting (and required for Windows and Office) invention.

But the low-resolution display (1366x768) on the ARM version is going to compare badly against the iPad 3 and upcoming Android tablets, and the pricing will have to reflect that.

What is going on?

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/you-can't-just-steal-stuff%2C-claims-judge-201205015181/

Let's not forget the quality of older games:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/fury-as-'retro-80s-arcade'-app-discovered-to-be-just-very-poor-new-games-201111094519/

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/fury-as-'retro-80s-arcade'-app-discovered-to-be-just-very-poor-new-games-201111094519/

Deciding who's cleverest between left and right is like deciding which tube of Smarties would make the best Pope.

And while racism, homophobia and insisting climatology is a pyramid sales scam are all a bit dense, so is standing on top of a pile of skulls and shouting, 'let's try it again'.

(posting AC as moderating)

Good luck finding any!

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/people-may-be-forced-to-re%11thieve-stuff-201201314832/

Brilliant! As a token of my appreciation for the laugh I offer this link.

Here's a 'story' about it - funny stuff:

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/tolkien-denied-nobel-prize-'because-he-wrote-about-hobbits'-201201094741/

It's all very well ripping to Hdd and so forth, but it doesn't meaningfully equate to the reasons for having an achingly hip shelf of subtitled Dvds in the first place. Same with the Kindle, really, and all those pretentious books the careless might replace - if they want to become celibate, that is: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/e%11readers-'a-threat-to-impressive%11looking-bookshelves'-201105163819/

No,No,NO!.This is the smoking iceberg that fires a polar bear of truth between the eyes of hysteria and communism..

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news-in-pictures/news-briefly/windows-7-designed-'during-massive-piss%11up'-201109014257/

You obviously do not read the Daily Mash.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-&-technology/google-takes-a-year-and-a-half-to-invent-something-better-than-windows-201012083329/

Reply when you crawl back from under the table pls...

I agree there didn't seem to be anything earth shattering in his revelations, it was after all only sensitive material, nothing top-secret. The stuff showing the US would routinely ignore evidence of war crimes is embarrassing. The day to day realities of occupying a hostile country mean there's a lot of day to day nastiness, but in many ways the only surprise were that the revelations weren't more embarrassing than they are.

The notion that it put our troops at danger is dubious at best. The pentagon was offered the chance to redact anything that would have endangered personnel and refused, which means either scoring political points by refusing to cooperate was more important than the lives of a few troops/allies or that there was nothing that endangered them in there.

From http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/unmanned-wikileaks-drone-destroys-afghan-village-201011293295/

He added: "Nevertheless, the point about Wikileaks undermining the safety of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan would have some validity, if only it wasn't such a humongous vat of liquidised monkey-shit from start to finish.

"Because - and you might want to write this down and keep it somewhere safe - the key thing that has undermined the safety of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan is them firing their big fucking guns at Iraqis and Afghans.

Covered in adequate detail at the Daily Mash. (It's probably safe for work if your cow orkers are slow about reading, because it contains words, not pictures. But if your cow orkers can read, maybe save it for home.)

From the Daily Mash:

UNMANNED WIKILEAKS DRONE DESTROYS AFGHAN VILLAGE

"Because - and you might want to write this down and keep it somewhere safe - the key thing that has undermined the safety of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan is them firing their big fucking guns at Iraqis and Afghans."

Daily Mash: People Who Know How To Fucking Park On Brink Of Extinction

Here's hoping. Some ad-heavy sites are almost unusable in Opera now, because of the sheer number of autoplaying Flash videos. Not mentioning any names...

Oh really? Fears Grow as Fox Spotted on Top of a Horse.

:)

On a very much related note...

The daily mash has its take on this

Hopefully this'll be available outside of the UK but this is Terry Pratchett giving a lecture on his Alzheimers and legalised euthanasia from a few days ago: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00qmfgn. Guardian article covering the same subject here http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/feb/02/terry-pratchett-assisted-suicide-tribunal

Pratchett has done alot to provoke intelligent debate on assisted suicide and related matters, thankfully without much in the way of people shouting him down - I'm a firm believer that one should be able to put a "Please kill me nicely" card in their wallet/will, in the same way that people use donor cards to say "Yep, why the hell not use my liver as I'm not really in a position to care about it any more". Lying on a bed in a hospital for the last five years of my life, forgotten by and an embarrassment to my friends and family is my idea of hell.

Note that I don't know anyone who's been in a coma or a PVS but I know for damn sure that the person and the flesh and blood they used to live in aren't the same thing.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/opponents-of-assisted-suicide-still-convinced-it's-any-of-their-business-201002012428/

"The real smoking gun.."

Please study the propoganda you have been fed more carefully, it's not a smoking gun, it's a smoking iceberg.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "While there will always be debate over climate data, it's important to remember that the state of the world's icebergs and glaciers remains wholly dependant on which group of tedious, hectoring arseholes is currently winning the argument."

Daily mash article.

Conservative have also been arguing there is no problem. This article about the CSU hack "fires a polar bear of truth between the eyes of hysteria and communism".

As the wonderful Daily Mash points out;

"Nevertheless it is better to carry the heady stench of the Gaul than expose yourself to the sort of tiny risks that generate gigantic headlines."

There was a fake article about such an animal years ago on thedailymash (an English satire online publication). The article can be found here. It's shocking how accurately satire can sometimes describe future events :)

File-Share Crackdown 'Breaches Fundamental Right To Steal'

I think this is a reasonable starting point:
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/athlete-to-be-checked-for-balls-200908201997/

Already included in Windows 7, apparently: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-&-technology/windows-7-to-include-punch%11screen-technology-200903271670/

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/librarians-go-like-the-clappers%2C-say-experts-200905131758/

Assuming, of course, the programming is worth it and is unavailable elsewhere.

Your comment made me think of today's Daily Mash :)

SEVEN million people in the UK are illegally downloading the sort of music and films you wouldn't pay for even as you heard the ominous click of a gun being cocked.
According to the Strategic Advisory Board for Intellectual Property, illegal downloaders are accessing material that could be worth up to £120bn a year if it was any good.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%26-entertainment/seven-million-people-downloading-stuff-you-wouldn't-pay-for-if-there-was-a-gun-to-your-head-200905291790/

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/chimpanzee-displays-human-trait-of-not-liking-prison-200903101631/

That site's funnier than the Onion, if you ask me.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1506&Itemid=59

"Jacqui Smith MP, is one of the worst of them."

Indeed.

Public Can't Wait To Be Truncheoned Across The Jaw, Says Smith

I think I saw that article to

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/public-can't-wait-to-be-truncheoned-across-the-jaw%2C-says-smith-200811071383/

I commend the wisdom of the Daily Mash on this topic: Carnage As Facebook Moves Everything Slightly To The Left.