Slashdot Mirror

"The results add asthma to a catalog of undesirable outcomes, including obesity, diabetes, smoking, and promiscuity, tied to TV viewing.""

No, the results add asthma to a catalog of undesirable outcomes, including obesity and diabetes, tied to a sedentary lifestyle.

Honestly, was this article summary written by this guy?

So I guess this was never passed?

I know a guy who knows someone who dated the sister of someone at symantec, and lets just say, they're going to team up with Starbucks To Begin Sinister 'Phase Two' Of Operation

...according to the place where I get my news.

http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/iphone_app_usage_drops_off

Yeah, I stopped using the 'Dial Phone Numbers and Talk' application like two days after getting it.

The Chinese and Russians are every bit as barbaric as Americans.

Probably true, but they don't as a rule export it.

The main difference between terrorists and the U.S. military is terrorists fight smart (and dirty)

Really?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43014
Apparently, not only the CIA is affected...

I have never considered asian porn to be a global threat, I just not a fan.

Not everyone sees the problem as being so benign. Apparently you didn't hear about the high-level petition to halt Japan's weirdo porn industry. Anything that makes millions puke has got to be a threat.

If there was a Viola Hero with a real viola, I'd zip out and get one in a moment.

It's a shame you hadn't been learning the sousaphone when you were younger.

I can see why the article got a theonion tag, there was a great article way back:

Eight Million Americans Rescued From Poverty With Redefinition Of Term

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

Yeah, I saw a video about this recently: Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

I wonder where they got their inspiration?

Here are the specifications in English, directly from Sony's site.

...every douche already owns one.

I don't.

Everyone knows blackberry users are the biggest douchebags:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_mobile_device_purchase_makes

Well that explains Sony's reputation.

You just know you have to have it. With proper marketing you can get people to buy any new Sony product, whether they need it or not!

Warning: must have salty ears to listen.

The onion already had this story several weeks ago:

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of

I am still laughing about this Sony product

(warning, this video has colorful language, you may want to use headphones.)

This is just another example of a true-life story that is so mind-numbingly stupid that you would almost think it came from the front page of The Onion. These tools can suck one.

Democrats just want to destroy companies

Do you also not own a TV and tell everyone about it?

If you don't use a damn smartphone, why in the hell are you commenting on a story about it? Are you proud to be a semi-luddite or something? "I use a computer, but I'll be damned if I use a fancy phone!"

I take exception to the idea that only scholarly journals may be primary sources of information

Actually, scholarly journals can be sources of disinformation, too. It's happened before that researchers have gotten something wrong, then were quoted by other researchers in other papers. It has often gone full circle (and I wish I had a citation, but it's been a long time since I read about it).

There have been instances of respected newspapers using The Onion as sources, not realizing that fine news source is humor. The Onion must hate that, it would be like when you make a joke comment on slashdot and it gets modded as "insightful".

In Wikipedia's defence, I've complained about an edit I made after I became a cyborg in its entry about cataract surgery. I added information about the accomodating lens I had implanted in my eye, and it was quickly removed. I added it again and it was removed again. I gave up, and a few months ago I mentioned it here and someone encouraged me to try once more.

The entry finally stayed put, although someone changed the date that the FDA approved it from 2003 to 2004, despite the manufacturer's website says 2003 (I just now changed it to 2003, I wonder if it will stay?). I suspect that a different IOL manufacturer edited my edit out because the device is by far superior to any other IOL.

Kudos to Wikipedia. It is a great resource for satisfying curiosity; when I found I needed cataract surgery it was the first place I went. Same goes for when I had to undergo a vitrectomy (I wouldn't wish that procedure on my worst enemy).

It's also great for when you're turning old LPs and cassettes into CDs, you can copy and paste track titles into your burning software.

My dad gave me great advice when I was a kid: never believe anything you hear (or read) and only half of what you see.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/evolutionists_flock_to_darwin Oh its a religion alright!!!!!!!!!!

What about the MacBook Wheel?

"Everything is just a few hundred clicks away!"

They've already announced it.

Jonathan, is that you?

I just assumed they were testing Phase One of Google Purge

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/activision_reports_sluggish_sales/

Obligatory Onion Reference:
http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/lazy_nation_fears_obama_will

Chronically Concussed Eric Lindros Announces Retirement From Citibank

This reminds me of an Onion video that showed a sequel to WoW called World of World of Warcraft that let your characters buy and play WoW themselves. I got a kick out of it, but then again, I'm not a WoW player...

It's pretty sad when you have to do a double-take in your news reader to make sure you're not reading an onion article.

I think that we maybe have a stronger case for gravity than for evolution...

Really?

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down,"

Heck, even Isaac Newton knew better:
"To your second query I answer that the motions which the planets now have could not spring from any natural cause alone but were impressed by an intelligent agent."

Clearly, Americans should be taught Intelligent Falling alongside Intelligent Design

Inside Obama's Emails

Those are also the initials for George W. Bush, a former president of the USA.

He dead.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/i_am_under_18_button

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/survival_of_autoerotic

I agree.

Personally, I haven't owned a television since 2003, but I'm also the type of person who would never watch an inauguration. I'm having difficulty imagining a person who would watch an inauguration but not own a television. Are there any of you out there?

Hi!

Nah, Linens-N-Shit is doing good business. In fact, over the summer they opened a brand new store in Macon, Georgia.

Upon closer examination a typo was found in proposition 8 that limits marriage to being between one man and one wolfman.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/typo_in_proposition_8

Study: 38 Percent Of People Not Actually Entitled To Their Opinion

I smell a fanboy. I bet you will love this recently revealed CES innovation.

I believe this headline from the Onion is really appropriate to this thread, AND this headline.

Well, I don't watch any TV, let alone news
Is this you?

Where's the hate for powerpoint? If you really want to blame a piece of software for spawning crappy, Dilbertesque, counter-productive executive culture, look no further.

It has a few legitimate uses:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30903
         

I hope we hit another depression. Grandma and Grandpa knew how to live frugally.

This is characteristic of a peculiar mindset. "Look at that guy not wearing a seatbelt. I hope he gets in a crash and dies! Wahhh!" It comes from a fixation on the rules over and above what they are intended to accomplish.

Here, you will enjoy this.

Like this guy? http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28694

Damn, here i was thinking that we might actually get flying cars until i watched this....

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/mean_automakers_dash_nations_hope?utm_source=embedded_video/

I'm just glad that Steve Job's introduced the Mac Wheel before he left.