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Is there a TV you don't own that you could not stop talking about too?

Here's a much better article involving lab mice. Here's another good one.

Not all video entertainment costs money. Hell I watch more Youtube then anything these days; although I do pay for YouTube Premium, the option to watch free is there. Same with OTA broadcasts, Crackle, the Roku channel, or less legally, the Bittorrent option.

Granted, I'm not so poor that I have to worry about the cost of a few pay TV services (a Netflix subscription for a whole month costs about the same as going out to lunch), but still even behind the "I'm saving money." argument its still mostly about being trendy.

It's an old article but a good one:

https://www.theonion.com/area-...

Commercials? Where would we see commercials?

link

The party's over. Turn out the lights. The days of Apple innovation are long gone. It was buried with Steve Jobs.

Heh. Reminds me of the Onion piece:
Apple Reveals Panicked Man with No Ideas.

There's one more big one to come (Apple Arcade), Slashdot seems to be spreading out the stories a bit so as not to flood the feed all at once.

That's actually the one I'm most interested in. I do most of my gaming on the phone these days, because I can usually only squeeze in 15-20 minutes a day, and I seldom play multiplayer. If you don't play that much, you're just getting smoked all the time. I also hate the pay-to-win approach of a lot of games.

Get used it it.

Indeed; and who can forget The Big One from 2007?
https://www.theonion.com/break...

Man boasts...

Google lets you opt-out, too. https://www.theonion.com/googl...

I guess it took them 10 years to perfect The Wheel...

Fuck everything, we're doing 7G.

Only 6G? fuck it, let's do 7G

why people are uploading their kids on the internet in the first place?

You wouldn't download a car, you wouldn't download a movie. But would you download a kid?

IMAGES. They're uploading IMAGES -- to share. They're also the parental guardians over them, so they have that right. (I think that's a right.) They're presumably doing it to show off to their friends or their kids friends, they don't realize (or don't care) that literally their entire world can watch them as well.

And what's wrong with that? Maybe another dance class instructor will learn a new move or have a new idea (OMG, CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!) Maybe another kid will watch these and decide "I can do that, too!"

Now let's be real -- SOME people are going to watch that and imagine sexual acts. Or bestiality. Or ritual sacrifice. Or beheadings. Or maybe new costume designs or even haircuts. That's true of ANYTHING. (Sheep jokes about NZ. Blond jokes. Rule 42. Someone took an actress's face and glued it on their sex doll.) If you're concerned someone might see something bad in a picture, you (a) shouldn't post it and (b) need to get your head out of the sand. (My mom used to say, "Get your head out of the gutter." Seemingly now-a-days, everyone's head IS the gutter. Not quite sure what happened -- "Sex Sells" or something.)

If we're leading up to talking about banning pictures because they might offend (or attract) someone, then notice that God, Allah, Re, Zeus, Odin, Thor, and FSM appear in EACH and EVERY picture on the internet. They're invisible, so you can't see them, but they're always there. So, let's start banning all pictures everywhere. (Here's a naughty one. But include Muhammad there and heads will literally roll.)

And BTW: if I start fantasizing about AOC, Nancy Pelosi, and Trump, can we ban every picture about ALL of them? I'd like for SOMEthing good to come out of this.

The whole thing is a farce to begin with and the same shit played out with 4G. Hell, there's still services being sold as 4G that doesn't even meet the technical specifications for it today. Sprint should just one up them and start selling their network as 6G. Full on five blades strategy.

The stupid part is that it really doesn't matter how fast your connection is when the carriers impose such tiny bandwidth caps. It's like driving a formula one car on a track with a brick wall at the end of the quarter mile stretch.

I am guessing The Onion will be called a legit news source. Here is an eerie example of their prescience, note that the article was written before any of the shit they mention happened.

https://politics.theonion.com/...

I just saw this article this morning. Didn't realize it was about Zuck. Area Man’s Intelligence Probably Just Too Intimidating For Most Women

Citation provided:
https://www.theonion.com/fuck-...

Area man constantly mentioning he doesn't own a television.

I sometimes wonder when the MacBook Wheel will actually become a reality. Definitely will solve the key issues.

We're doing five G's!

The article says the mistakenly-accused CEO's company later thanked the traffic police for their hard work, and "called on people to obey traffic rules to keep the streets safe."

And all along I thought we couldn't have it both ways.

https://www.theonion.com/fuck-...

Obligatory Onion link: https://www.theonion.com/fuck-...

I'll see your telegraph and raise you an onion.

Nice :-) I fold. The pot is yours.

*sigh* Beat me to it. But, I'm not going to take it lying down. I'll see your telegraph and raise you an onion.

...we're doing five blades.

In times of crisis, sometimes the government has to go beyond the law. And clearly we are in a crisis, since illegal immigrants are murdering you right now.

https://politics.theonion.com/...

I drink Mt Dew

. . . you don't drink coffee . . . yet . . . :

Mountain Dew Users May Go On To Use Harder Beverages:

https://www.theonion.com/mount...

Humanity has saved a lot more from extinction through conservation efforts than it has "wiped out". When will activists learn that such dishonest hyperbole is doing more harm to their causes than help?

It's a bloody shame that the peregrine falcon ended up being such an ungrateful little fucker.

Preview of Apple's next iPhone announcement: Fuck everything. We're doing 5 notches.

YouTube goes down, and a few hours later it's reported "US is World's Most Competitive Economy for First Time in a Decade". Coincidence?

See also https://www.theonion.com/48-ho...

F#@k everything, we're doing five!

The main reason to use the full-blown version of Photoshop over other cheap/free photo editing tools is its handling of layers and selections. Seems like it would be painful and time-consuming to use those functions on a touch device. They make extensive use of modifiers like ctrl, shift, and alt/command to rapidly make click and click-drag do different things, avoiding constantly having to change menu options.

I've no doubt the iPad's hardware can handle it (my phone is about 50x faster and has more than a hundred times more RAM than the first computer I used Photoshop on). But simpler is not always better.

Tell it to the 60k people in Ontario who lost their job when the minimum wage was increased by $2.40/hr.

Problem: the "job losses" opponents of minimum wage cry about are almost entirely due to people being able to work at one or two jobs to get by, instead of two or three. As for the remainder, if your business doesn't pay a living wage, your business doesn't deserve to exist. And you never talk about the job increases due to all the money going into local economies, because workers have more money to spend, i.e. there's more demand, the source of all jobs. Not giving capitalist scumfucks more cash in case some if it trickles down to a prole.

...POS, keep it to yourself, Eich.

Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'

Yep. Possibly the greatest article The Onion ever published.

Particularly since it predated the actual introduction of 5-blade razors.

"I am certain that the world is hurtling ever closer to the Sun, overbalanced as it is on one side by the overbreeding of the fecund Hindoo, but at present there is little I can do about it." ( https://www.theonion.com/my-su... )

Is he also that guy who never turns down a chance to tell anyone he meets that he does not own a TV?

That's the guy!

Two of my wife's friends refuse to get a computer.

They are nice ladies, but I've had to do stuff for them online because of that. I don't really mind, but one day I was talking to them, and both were expoundng how that had no use for a computer, simply didn't need one. Bragging in fact.P I suppose, as long as they have someone to do what they needed on-line.

Is he also that guy who never turns down a chance to tell anyone he meets that he does not own a TV?

New $5,000 Multimedia Computer System Downloads Real-Time TV Programs, Displays Them On Monitor

This sounds like a job for James Bond.

As always, The Onion is relevant:

https://local.theonion.com/man...

‘Literally No One Calls Me That Or Has Ever Called Me That’: Our Interview With Ol’ Musky

entertainment.theonion.com/moviepass-attempts-to-increase-profitability-by-no-long-1828394840

'True conservatives' quote law.

In my experience what "true conservatives" actually quote is what they imagine is law, as opposed to real law. Most of them are in reality pretty ignorant or selective in regards of said law. The phenomenon is widespread enough that it was even satirized by The Onion.

It's also one of the raisons d'être(*) of organizations like the ACLU, who often have to force conservative government officials or organizations to actually respect the law as it is written - not as they'd like it to be.

(*) Slashdot's handling of even basic accented characters is beyond pitiful

Would anything of value be lost if they did? Never seen one live, but I've seen the aftermath of a couple, and frankly, this old Onion article was well-aimed.

Climate Researchers Warn Only Hope For Humanity Now Lies In Possibility They Making All Of This Up

As usual, life imitates art.

https://www.theonion.com/apple...

This is a stupid idea and Apple should feel bad.

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

I haven't read it since they either, this is the only thing I remember that was funny.

I agree I should have put attribution there:

https://www.theonion.com/fuck-...