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Tech-Interview Riddles
An anonymous submitter writes "A computer engineering student at UC Berkeley has made a comprehensive archive of riddles from technical interviews. Very challenging and loads of fun. Also useful for interview preparation."
fp suckers! . drop dead
Correct at time of posting!
Happy Troll Tuesday!
;).
How are things in the civilized world? You probably don't know who I am. That's
okay. I'm here to inform you of my mission, what I've found, and what I hope to
teach all of you.
I work for the United Christians Food for Poor Kids Foundation, and let me tell
you, there's a lot of poor kids in Afghanistan. As in most countries in the
Middle East, most people are unemployed, and therefore poor. And where there's a
lot of poor people, UCFPKF is needed.
UCFPKF always has the latest in technology. In this instance, we had access to
some Pentium 4's(r) 2GHz. Obviously, we needed an operating system that could
handle the power of Intel's beast. Unfortunately, we didn't have any computer
experts on hand up to the task, so it was going to be trial and error.
We'd heard good things about Linux and its "ACL's". Little did we know of its
incompatibility with modern hardware. It didn't even support Token Ring
networking, the newest form of Ethernet(r), which we require to always keep
in contact between bases. Also, it didn't seem to use SSE optimizations, which
when processing food amounts, are also very important. Also, there were
homo-erotic implications in the structure of Linux, which is strictly
unallowable in a Christian organization such as ours.
The next obvious step was to install Windows. We hesitated because we knew that
it was common knowledge that Windows crashed incessantly. Our experience was
less than stellar. It also didn't support Token Ring networking. Security is
important in this region because many people try to steal food, but "Windows
2000" (which I hear didn't even come out in 2000) doesn't even allow you to
have seperate permissions. Once again, the SSE optimizations were not used.
I was in a situation that seemed impossible. The two most famous operating
systems had failed me. I walked around the base in a dazed stupor. What was I
going to do for our ultra-important network? A boy saw me pouting and sighing,
and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, but we exchanged names, and little
did I know, that young Junis had a gift for computers.
Junis saw me the next day, slaving away at the sparse terminal that "Windows
2000" makes you type in. He asked what I was doing with that primitive OS. I
laughed and told him that I was doing inventory. He ran to his village, into his
hut, and pulled out a box I had never seen before. The box said "SCO Xenix" the
front. I had never seen or heard of this Xenix before. But I soon learned that
Junis was a computer genius.
All we had to do was put the Xenix CD into the computer, and everything worked
like magic (not the devil's magic... good magic:) ). Our Token Ring network
integrated flawlessly with it. And it even used SSE optimizations. Well, me and
Junis are now on a new mission. We're spreading the word. It might not be the
word of the lord, but then again, maybe it is
SCO Xenix: The Unix of Tomorrow.
Janet Milman
Network Administrator, UCFPKF
Afghanistan base
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
NHOYh7uOjI Post #632
I want to bare all your children!
What is the riddle that no one has solved?
I believe Microsoft was responsible for popularizing the usage of riddles in interviews
Yes, but they still have not been able to find anyone who can solve the "why does windows crash" riddle!!
Talk about fucking lame. Who finds this amusing? Obviously a homosexual linux user.
Only the State obtains its revenue by coercion. - Murray Rothbard
for more tech interview questions and answers try http://www.techinterview.org/
What's up with using this type of question for interviews, anyway? Sure, they can be fun, but they're perfectly useless as far as telling whether someone can actually write solid code. 9 times out of 10, all they tell you is whether the interviewee has heard that one before.
To interviewers: Do you really think that the answers to these questions don't spread through the entire department within 15 minutes after your first interview? I realize that "knowing the answer" makes you feel smarter than the prospective employee in some sense, but how about actually doing your job for a change?
I sampled a few of the "relatively hard" puzzles... They're interesting, but they only take a minute to figure out. Am I correct in thinking that these are relatively easy, or am I being an ass and flaunting my ability to solve little puzzles?
(In case of the latter, do you want to hire me? I live in Cleveland and go to Cornell University...)
Their software is also quite riddled... with bugs, anyway.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
...All I can say is that my life is pretty strange...
VERY TIMELY AND APPROPRIATE. THIS IS ONE PERSON'S OPINION AND I BELIEVE IT WILL BE SHARED BY MANY. I HOPE YOU AGREE.
To all concerned, including the idiot that started this,
I am a retired US Navy veteran with over 22 years of service to
this country. I fought in the wars that this atheist scum avoided.
I watched friends go to war and be changed, but I never heard any
of them ever say they wanted to change our beliefs such as banning the
Pledge of Allegiance.
To serve this great country of ours is an honorable tradition. Much like
our brothers and sisters in law enforcement and fire departments have
across the country. We have fought other countries so that they would
not infringe upon our rights. We even protected the rights of this idiot
to freedom of speech. Well, now it is my turn to exercise my rights.
To all atheists, as far as I am concerned, you are no better than the
Terrorists of Bin Laden. They are working to undermine the deepest and
most sacred traditions of this country, just like you. It is our right
to honor, pray and preach to our God in any way we believe.
The majority of people, in this country, believes in God, in some form or
another. Therefore, you are part of a minority, a very sick minority and
you have over stepped the bounds of decency and fairness. I am sick of
these people who deny the majority their rights. These people are
neither Liberals or Conservatives, they
are a mentally sick portion of our society that have found the cash
needed to finance these dastardly attacks against our country using our
systems. Does this sound familiar, like 9/11.
I say to you all now. If I want to pray in church, a restaurant, or have
my kids say the Pledge of Allegiance, they will have that right to say it
anywhere and everywhere in this country. In school, a government
facility, a home, or even in a church. In my mind, I consider you a
terrorist. There will be many out there who will agree with me. Maybe
it would be a good time for you to think about moving to another country.
The kind of country you need is one that will take away your freedoms,
your rights, and most of all deny any kind of a good life for your
children. Your persistence and actions have stirred a mighty giant and I
believe there will be no place for you to live here.
I believe in Jesus Christ our Savior. Not only is he mine, but he is
yours too. In his teachings he tells us to turn the other cheek. For 52
years I have turned the cheeks in all directions to the actions of people
like you. Now you attack my rights and the rights of my children. I will
not take it anymore, I am launching a movement among God fearing people
to return this nation to respect the ideals and concepts that made this
mighty democracy a shining star to the world. In addition, I will pray
to our God to deliver you from the persistent evil that has you clouded
in atheism. Open your eyes blind man and see the wonder of God.
Those of you who have read this, if you believe like I do, that our
nation is under attack from within, please forward this email to all and
lets send a message to our elected officials and specifically to the
courts of California. Enough is enough......make a commitment or be
prepared to be conquered. The ball is in your court now.
Charles Walker USN ret.
that even he can't lift it? Oh wait, that was for my interview for entry into the Comparative Religion department, not Computer Science.
cheap labor conservatives - they want to keep you hungry enough to be thankful for minimum wage.
How could they have put all the comments on the page if it says;
Page last modified January 1, 1970 GMT
One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a veritable river of blood.
FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time FreeBSD developers Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: FreeBSD is dying.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.
Fact: *BSD is dying
You were likely running Mozilla or some other GPL bullshit like Audacity. Or maybe you can't keep your registry or swapfile from being corrupted. Go suck Linus Torvalds dick while Steve Jobs ass pounds you.
I used to put this one on my programming tests. It's actually shocking how many people get it wrong...
You are writing a parser that reads a C program and translates all the variable names into new names of the form "VAR######", where ###### is an integer incremented for each unique variable name. Discuss what is needed for the case where the C program already contains a variable of the form "VAR######".
Sometimes it's best to just let stupid people be stupid.
Sadly the site doesn't include the answers to the riddles... Kinda pointless, like sex without an orgasm. It's not rewarding to challenge myself if I have no way to determine whether or not I was correct.
Anybody in technology is wasting their time thinking to even get an interview. Practice this line instead--"Fries with that?"--it will be MUCH more useful.
Unfortunately, the site's been /.ed already. Even worse, there's no Googlecache. Oh well.
We're Doomed
1.5
It's Turing complete. It weeps, it bites, it smiles and it loves. It can be made, it can be had, it can be taken. It was one, it was two then it became sixty two. It needs time, it need paitence it needs to be pruned. When time comes it needs a fourier series to make it look good. What is it?
asking an interviewee to create a programming problem for others to solve is sometimes a good way to check if they truly understand a subject.
I believe you are the guy on goatse.cx.
"Write a program that will display a "spiral" of NxN numbers, using constant space (no arrays allowed). For example, here's what the spiral looks like for N=10:"
... nice ...
And then he displays a spiral that's 11x10
We do not live in the 21st century. We live in the 20 second century.
A man would like to have safe sex with three women, any of whom may be carrying an STD. Given two condoms, how can he do so, while ensuring that no STD is passed from one woman (or possibly himself) to another (or to himself)?
This is a common situation on the job. Who says riddles aren't relevant in interviews?
ARRRRRGGGHH!!! He didn't post the answers anywhere!!! I'M LOSING MY MIND WITH FRUSTRATION!!! Did anyone get the one about foot size and spelling bees??? My curiosity is eating me alive...
I like to ask candidates what "antsy" means. They always get that one wrong.
Also, I like to ask them to name two adjectives that best describe me.
-TAG
Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L. .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
Bob then accelerates to
-- Anonymous Coward because I already moderated this thread. Boo Hoo.
I'm frustrated by the lack of concrete answers. That's probably the point, mind you -- give some insight on your working behind whatever answer you give.
It seems for most of them, the best answer would be as many sensible answers as you can think of, without seeming like a complete goober -- you can be the whizziest math whiz in the world, but that's probably not worth jack at any job worth its salt if you're most backward social 'tard who doesn't know when to stop.
Thank Jebus I have a nice job.
What's the most important piece of paper to get from the client?
The MS category has some real toughies, like:
"y do u think u r smart"
"y do u wanna work at Microsoft?"
and a great catalyst for catastrophe...
"If you could remove any of the 50 states, which state would it be and why?"
These toughies are gonna keep me up all night!
Comment removed based on user account deletion
Google Cahce is Ace
well guess I'm failing my next tech interview... either that or it's way to fricken late. I couldn't answer 1 of those dumb things...
when they ban enctryption only criminals wi$21*J *#JF$%!@#$':
No wonder I had so much trouble accessing my own site. hey guys, think of the mudhoney fans (http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~ptn/mudhoney/) and leave the server alone.
Okay, after puzzling over it for some time I think I have it. Guy puts both condoms on and has sex with woman 1. He the takes the outside condom off and has sex with woman 2. The he flips the condom he'd taken off inside out, and puts it back on and has sex with woman 3.
*sigh*
Credits: 70%
It amazes me that so many allegedly "educated" people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions. The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet, showing itself in neat, four-week cycles -- with the same side facing us all the time -- is ludicrous. Furthermore, it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity. That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent, God-fearing Americans (as if any further evidence was needed! Daddy's Roommate? God Almighty!)
Documentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate, byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on law-abiding Americans. Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control, Inc., these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up. That's right, neighbors .. the next time you're out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights, the liberals will see it! These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt .45 and a .38 Special! And when they detect you with a firearm, their computers cross-reference the address to figure out your name, and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about you.
Of course, this all works fine during the day, but what about at night? Even the liberals can't control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in (only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor!) That's where the "moon" comes in. Powered by nuclear reactors, the "moon" is nothing more than an enormous balloon, emitting trillions of candlepower of gun-revealing light. Piloted by key members of the liberal community, the "moon" is strategically moved across the country, pointing out those who dare to make use of their God-given rights at night!
Yes, I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous, but consider this. Despite what the revisionist historians tell you, there is no mention of the "moon" anywhere in literature or historical documents -- anywhere -- before 1950. That is when it was initially launched. When President Josef Kennedy, at the State of the Union address, proclaimed "We choose to go to the moon", he may as well have said "We choose to go to the weather balloon." The subsequent faking of a "moon" landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country. No longer can we hide from our governme
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
Xn5mTMtj9o Post #643
If my next employment interview includes the question "Please come up with a mathematical formula to convert the ASCII value of your full name to 666", I'll QUIT before they hire me.
---
Siggy, siggy, siggy, can't you see? Sometimes your puns just irritate me.
A stick of incense takes exactly one hour to burn out. Given nothing but a lighter and three sticks of incense, how can you accurately measure 1 hour and 45 minutes of time?
I still remember the OCF at Berkeley back in 1995. All they had were basically a half dozen donated Apollo Unix computers. And the access terminal were basically VT100 green screens.
Credits: dmg
Yet again the Linux so-called elite, backed up by their pseudo intellectual cohorts of the w3c conspire to ruin Linux's chances in the marketplace by sowing confusion and complexity. As someone with years of experience in the marketing world, I am constantly amazed at the willingness of the W3C and other bodies to pollute the acronym space with their content free "TLAs".
Basic marketing 101 (and an undergrad course in psychology) would tell them that the normal person is only capable of remembering approximately 7 items of data in their short-term memory, but now we have to remember HTTP, HTML, XML, XSL, DTD, PHP, SSL, DSL, ADSL, ISDN, Perl, etc etc etc
This is a text book example of the tail wagging the dog from a marketing perspective.
I have been following the standardisation of the web for many many months now, but one thing has become clear, E-commerce will NEVER become popular so long as there are so many confusing acronyms involved. The guys in charge of marketing Linux absolutely MUST work to reduce the number of acronyms. One possible solution would be to merge those protocols which are not all that different. For example, why not merge XML with SGML ? (they could call it XSGML or SXGML or perhaps XMSGML), they seem to address the same problems. Or would that be too simplistic a solution for their pampered elitist ivy-league minds to comprehend ?
If something is not done URGENTLY, and I mean URGENTLY, Linux (and other more experimental derivatives such as FreeBSD) can never hope to be taken seriously as an e-commerce platform by the people who count - the accountants.
The miracle of Linux is that anyone actually runs it at all, considering one seems to require a masters in computer science to install it! (contrast this with NT4 which was so easy to install, we let our receptionist upgrade her own machine).
As usual my "open source" advice is free. Hopefully this time my valuable advice will be taken into account the next time the w3c smell an acronym brewing.
Finally, in conclusion, as an American, I am saddened that the Internet seems to have been commandeered by a European based protocol. Was America so short of talent we had to buy the HTML protocol from Tom Berners-Lee at CERN ?
Think of the security implications of the worlds strongest economy, running an e-commerce protocol developed by a foreigner from Socialist Europe. Remember the wall has not been down for that long. Who knows what kind of trojans might be lurking within the depths of these complicated protocols.
I am afraid I am behind Al Gore on this point, how can this be necessary in the home of smart corporations such as Microsoft and Intel ? The answer is the vast subsidies given by European socialist governments to fund development of the HTML specification.
The solution is clear. The federal government should mandate and strongly subsidise the use of Microsoft software for all US corporations involved in e-commerce. Only with a US-developed set of protocols can we be assured of the security of our transactions.
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
PdvsdzHAZG Post #644
The interview question I remember most from a particular software company in the Seattle/Redmond area. "Name three functions in C STDIO that take three parameters"
Credits: onby
1. Introduction
As everyone knows, Open Source software is the wave of the future. With the market share of GNU/Linux and *BSD increasing every day, interest in Open Source Software is at an all time high.
Developing software within the Open Source model benefits everyone. People can take your code, improve it and then release it back to the community. This cycle continues and leads to the creation of far more stable software than the 'Closed Source' shops can ever hope to create.
So you're itching to create that Doom 3 killer but don't know where to start? Read on!
2. First Steps
The most important thing that any Open Source project needs is a Sourceforge page. There are tens of thousands of successful Open Source projects on Sourceforge; the support you receive here will be invaluable.
OK, so you've registered your Sourceforge project and set the status to '0: Pre-Thinking About It', what's next?
3. Don't Waste Time!
Now you need to set up your SourceForge homepage. Keep it plain and simple - don't use too many HTML tags, just knock something up in VI. Website editors like FrontPage and DreamWeaver just create bloated eye-candy - you need to get your message to the masses!
4. Ask For Help
Since you probably can't program at all you'll need to try and find some people who think they can. If your project is a game you'll probably need an artist too. Ask for help on your new Sourceforge pages. Here is an example to get you started:
"Hi there! Welcom to my SorceForge page! I am planing to create a Fisrt Person Shooter game for Linux that is going to kick Doom 3's ass! I have loads of awesome ideas, like giant robotic spiders! I need some help thouh as I cant program or draw. If you can program or draw the tekstures please get in touch! K thx bye!"
Thousands of talented programmers and artists hang out at Sourceforge ready to devote their time to projects so you should get a team together in no time!
5. The A-Team
So now you have your team together you are ready to change your projects status to '1: Pre-Bickering'. You will need to discuss your ideas with your team mates and see what value they can add to the project. You could use an Instant Messaging program like MSN for this, but since you run Linux you'll have to stick to e-mail.
Don't forget that YOU are in charge! If your team doesn't like the idea of giant robotic spiders just delete them from the project and move on. Someone else can fill their place and this is the beauty of Open Source development. The code might end up a bit messy and the graphics inconsistant - but it's still 'Free as in Speech'!
6. Getting Down To It
Now that you've found a team of right thinking people you're ready to start development. Be prepared for some delays though. Programming is a craft and can take years to learn. Your programmer may be a bit rusty but will probably be writing "hello world" programs after school in no time.
Closed Source games like Doom 3 use the graphics card to do all the hard stuff anyhow, so your programmer will just have to get the NVidia 'API' and it will be plain sailing! Giant robot spiders, here we come!
7. The Outcome
So it's been a few years, you still have no files released or in CVS. Your programmer can't get enough time on the PC because his mother won't let him use it after 8pm. Your artist has run off with a Thai She-Male. Your project is still at '1: Pre-Bickering'...
Congratulations! You now have a successful Open Source project on Sourceforge! Pat yourself on the back, think up another idea and do it all again! See how simple it is?
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
mOGLmW1LP0 Post #645
I'm just curious... what are "sales engineering positions"?
SUBJECT: GREAT STOCK OPPORTUNITY!!! help me Get Big Brands on eBay I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! PENTIUM III CPU's IN STOCK
END TRANSMISSION.
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
cjd7ZddItU Post #646
What is:
Greater than god
More evil than the devil
Poor people have it
Rich people want it
If you eat it, you'll die?
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25
Is das nicht ein early post? Ja! Das ist mein early post!
Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost? Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das post at minus one? Ja! Das ist at minus one!
Is das trolling so much fun? Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein big crapflood? Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
Is it worthless Linux FUD? Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel? Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
Is dis nicht his manchode meal? Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll? Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!
Is das nicht ein Goatse hole? Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys? Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!
Und are they not Taco's sex toys? Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!
Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys, WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread? Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!
Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD? Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!
Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD! Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun,
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene,
Slashdot sucks!
____________________
Change Log:
* Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
* Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
* Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?
(C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
q79Wg0mFOH Post #647
OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS
By Serial Troller
Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.
Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.
Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.
Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.
Myth: Open Source is multicultural.
Fact: Open Source is openly racist.
Myth: Open Source is democratic.
Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source supports terrorism.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.
Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.
Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.
Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
Myth: Open Source programming is a harlmess, healthy activity.
Fact: Open Source programming has been known to lead to massive obesity, violent tendencies with an obsession with handguns, paranoid-delusional ranting, and in severe cases, complete insanity. If anyone you know is thinking about going Open Source, stop them before its too late!
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
____________________
2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
4lD9n0V0fo Post #648
Karnaugh Maps (brought to you by CSE 120 at ASU):
Your problem:
!B!C !BC BC B!C
A-----------------
0 | 0 0 1 0
1 | 0 1 1 1
Answer: BC | AB | AC
Ta da!
THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
:) Join me in a WIPO-snot?
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]
Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.
Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â
Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.
Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.
I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).
Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â
That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!
Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.
Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.
â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes.
No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________
* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at
$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
dlwFvreOTt Post #649
This is a great site for more information on interviewing at Microsoft. It has some sample questions, study materials and testimonials etc.
I.O.U One Sig.
I thought for days about this riddle, but it is impossible! I give up! Nothing could be the answer to that!
One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered *BSD community when IDC confirmed that *BSD market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that *BSD has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. *BSD is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking test.
You don't need to be a Kreskin to predict *BSD's future. The hand writing is on the wall: *BSD faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for *BSD because *BSD is dying. Things are looking very bad for *BSD. As many of us are already aware, *BSD continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood.
FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core developers. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time FreeBSD developers Jordan Hubbard and Mike Smith only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: FreeBSD is dying.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD. How many users of NetBSD are there? Let's see. The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 NetBSD users. BSD/OS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of BSD/OS. A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the *BSD market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 FreeBSD users. This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek, abysmal sales and so on, FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS. Now BSDI is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another charnel house.
All major surveys show that *BSD has steadily declined in market share. *BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If *BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS dilettante dabblers. *BSD continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, *BSD is dead.
Fact: *BSD is dying
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
tisetif7AN Post #650
Credits: anonymous
"Mmmm... this feels good..." I sighed.
"Shhh!" hissed Hemos. "We don't want Mark to come in here!"
True. Having Hemos's 16 year-old brother walk in on us at that moment would not be good. I didn't think he'd be too cool with finding his 12 year-old brother lying naked with me, holding my 11 year-old dick in his hands. But, in all fairness, my hands were eagerly playing with Hemos's dick and balls at that moment, too.
Hemos's mom and dad had gone to the drive-in, leaving his big brother in charge. In our favor, leaving Mark in charge pretty much guaranteed that we weren't to bother him, and in turn, he'd leave us alone unless we were making too much noise or breaking something. Well, we were being careful to keep quiet because we very much wanted to be left alone.
We were in Hemos's twin bed, snuggled under the covers with our underwear pushed down to the foot of the bed. The only illumination in the room came from the faint sliver of light that crept in under his bedroom door. Even in the shadows I could make out the shape of my friend; about my height, but heavier. (Hell, I was such a skinny runt that everyone was heavier than me.) Hemos had a crew-cut of white-blonde hair, and was only starting to sprout some pubic hair. But, you had to feel for it because what little pubic hair he possessed was as blonde as the short hair on his hea and could not yet be seen by even a minimal distance.
And, I was happily feeling for it, running my hands all over Hemos's slightly larger erection and fondling his larger testicles while he courteously stroked my dick. I could tell that he didn't possess the same enthusiasm for cockplay as I did, unless you count his appreciation for the attention devoted to his member. And I knew that my willingness to satisfy his sexual urges was one of the few reasons he even had me sleep over at his place. But, I didn't let that stop me from finding pleasure in the handling of his meat.
I'd recently had an "introduction", of sorts, to seeing what someone could do with a man's dick with their mouth. While spending the night with my Uncle Jerry a couple weeks before, while I watched in secret, I was treated to a visual display of the intensity and unabashed pleasure that my uncle had obviously enjoyed having another man suck on his cock. From that moment on, I had a yearning that I needed to satisfy. With who was my only question.
I guess it was time to find out.
"I... heard that sucking on it feels even better than playing with it." I ventured.
In the darkness, I could feel a slight jerk of revulsion in Hemos's body.
"Put a dick in your mouth?" he croaked.
"Well, " I countered, my heart pounding with anxiety, "I think adults do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not gonna do it!" Hemos hissed. "That's homo stuff!"
"Yeah." I sighed disappointedly, while still playing with Hemos's dick. "I guess it is."
As I stroked his shaft in a steadier, milking rhythm, I could sense Hemos's breaths getting quicker. His manipulations of my dick began to falter as I could feel his body tense beside me. His hips rocked slightly in time with my pumping of his cock, and I cradled his balls tenderly in my other hand. When any attentions to my own dick has completely ebbed, I knew what was about to happen, so I picked up the pace just a bit more while lending a touch more pressure in my grip. Finally, Hemos's breath caught in his throat, and he turned his face fully into his pillow to stifle the moans that broke free as his cock pulsed and throbbed in a dry orgasm within my hands. I continued to massage him and didn't release him from my grasp until his member had gone fully soft.
"Man," sighed Hemos dreamily after finally catching his breath. "You are so good at that, CmdrTaco."
At least I had something to be proud of, I guess, as my friend gently withdrew himself from me and rolled onto his back.
Even though I was only eleven, the irony of Hemos's words and actions were not lost on me. My sucking on him would have been a "homo" thing, but beating him off was okay. Go figure. Within the few moments I had spent mulling over the irony of the thoughts, Hemos had drifted off to sleep. I slipped out from under the covers and down to the cool floor so I could masturbate without shaking the bed. As I toyed with my own dick, I imagined Hemos's cock in my mouth, wondering if the chance would ever really come. Finally, my own climax washed over me, and I got back into the bed.
I don't sleep real well to begin with, and even worse when I'm not in my own bed. And now, with the thoughts of a dick so close to me, as well as the vivid memories of secretly seeing man-to-man cocksucking pleasure floating through my prepubescent, sex-filled brain, I was not about to fall asleep anytime soon. Lying awake until around 11:30, I finally decided that I needed to do something to satisfy my hungers, or I'd never be able to let it rest. The trick was in finding the guts to follow through.
I knew that whenever Hemos fell asleep, he pretty much stayed asleep. So, since he was sleeping soundly, lying on his back, I took a deep breath and gingerly ducked my head under the covers and scooted down as much as I could to the foot of the bed. That put my head right at Hemos's hip level. I raised my head and upper body to help create a tent over his crotch. Sniffing around, I found the faint scent of young penis flesh. I inhaled deeply, both in the love of the scent, and in an attempt to slow my pounding heart. I opened my mouth wide over the area where I sensed Hemos's dick to be, and lowered my mouth squarely over his soft cock and balls until I could feel his sparse pubic hairs tickling my cheek. I finally had a dick in my mouth! I just wasn't sure what I'd do if Hemos woke to find his "homo" friend in this situation.
I remained like that for a long moment, partially in fear of trying anything more, and partly to savor the moment. I carefully let my tongue start to explore his tender penile flesh, enjoying the texture. Then came the excitement that welled within me as his cock began to respond to my attentions and harden in my warm and wet mouth! Butterflies seemed to explode in my stomach and drown out my heartbeat as I felt his dick get to its full size in my mouth. Concentrating in that dark environment, I found myself beginning to identify the shape of his member by taste. The shaft actually seemed to taste different than the head, and the thin skin of his scrotum seemed to harbor another distinct flavor.
I started to softly suck on Hemos's dick, becoming fascinated at how it just seemed to, well, 'fit' in my mouth... how the head lent itself to the back of my tongue, and how the shaft rested between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My excitement was so great that my own recently satisfied dick was responding again, inviting me to play. I was sucking a cock, and I was in heaven!
However, within seconds, Hemos seemed to get restless. In fear, I quickly pulled my mouth away from Hemos's candy stick and held still. The covers rustled, and pulled back.
"Whatcha doin'?" mumbled Hemos.
"I... uh... was trying to find my shorts down here," I lied, starting to fumble near our feet. Well, partial lie, because it was a good idea to do so, anyway, and now was as good a time as any.
"Oh, yeah," said Hemos. "Get mine, too, willya?"
"S-sure" I stammered, relieved.
I located the two items of clothing and scooted back up towards the head of the bed. Thankfully, our underwear were pretty easy to distinguish since Hemos wore boxers, and I wore briefs. We both fumbled to put them on in the dark, and then settled back into the bed. I lay stiffly on my back, still harboring some fear that my friend discovered more than he let on, but Hemos simply rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and promptly went back to sleep.
And, here I was again, so close to my fantasies, yet still so far.
And very much awake.
After hearing the clock in the hallway chime midnight, I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Figuring it was late enough not to be an issue, and since even if Hemos's parents were home that they would be in their own bedroom downstairs, I didn't bother to slip on my pants for the short trip down the hall. I walked softly to the bedroom door, and then stepped out into the hallway, illuminated dimly by a bare-bulb night light. I walked past big brother Mark's door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turned on the light as I shut the door.
Peeing into the toilet, I looked up at my reflection in the large mirror and smiled slyly to myself. I actually sucked on a dick, even if for only a moment! At that moment I was Rob Maldo, secret agent double-O-seven, who could sneak in and suck a dick, and sneak away without being caught!
I flushed the toilet and switched out the light as I headed back down the hall. Slipping past Mark's door once again, the door flew open, and a hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm snapped around my waist and drew me into the room. Squirming in the arms of Hemos's athletic older brother was a waste of effort, and he only squeezed harder until I settled down.
"You'll keep quiet if you know what's good for you,' growled Mark into my ear. "You gonna be quiet?"
I nodded. Mark let go of my mouth and reached over to close his bedroom door, the other hand and arm still holding me firmly with my feet off the ground. I heard something click, and recalled, and not without a certain amount of childish fear, that Mark had a lock on his door.
The room had a yellowish glow from the large lava lamp next to Mark's bed. He took me over to the bed and tossed me face down onto it, kneeling next to me. I thought briefly about trying to get up and run, but to where?
When I felt Mark's hands on me again, I was determined to fight him off, but I was no match for him as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me, sitting squarely on my upper chest, his knees pinning my shoulders and my arms locked between his legs. I gazed up at his lean, muscled torso, his stern blue eyes under a tussled mane of reddish-blonde hair. I could feel the soft fabric of his boxers against my chin.
"Can't get up, can ya?" he said, grinning down at me, all snide and victorious.
I struggled a bit, more out of obligation, but knew it was no use. Mark was just too big for me.
"Whatsamatter?" huffed Mark. "You too weak to fight? Or, maybe you just like laying there, sniffing dicks?"
I started squirming a bit harder, but Mark's legs only clamped tighter. At least he had scooted down a bit, and was no longer suffocating me with his weight on my chest.
"Yeah! Maybe you're a homo-boy who just likes sniffing dicks. Maybe you wanna sniff my big dick?"
I didn't care for where this was going, and I wasn't too comfortable with the tone of Mark's voice. But, I was also not being given much of a choice in the matter. Especially when Mark reached into the fly of his boxers and pulled out his cock.
"Here you are, homo-boy... a nice, fresh big-man dick!" grinned Mark fiendishly. "Ain't it a beaut?"
He held it out for me, then leaned forward and started to rub his cock on my face, tracing my cheeks and nose with the bulbous head. His testicles soon followed his dick through the opening, until they were dangling on my chin, the coarse pubes tickling my lips. Their faint musky scent began to fill my nostrils.
"CmdrTaco's just a little dick-faced homo-boy, ain't he?" sneered Mark, sliding his cock across my face. "I saw you in there, your head under the covers. What were you doing? Giving my little brother a blow job?"
I didn't answer. I was at once shocked at the thought of having been discovered, and confused by Mark's remark. I then guessed that he meant sucking a dick was called a 'blow job'. But... you're not blowing, you're sucking, and-
"You were, weren't you, you little homo!"
It was obvious what had happened; that Mark had looked in on us to find my head under the blankets. I thought I had sensed a miniscule change in the light, but assumed that to be part of my excitement. That must have been what woke Hemos up so suddenly.
"So, maybe you aren't just dick-faced, " he said, rubbing his cock on my face again. "Maybe you're a dick sucker!" He leaned forward, mashing his hairy ball sack into my nose, then pulling back to trace my features again with his member. But, even as Mark taunted me, treating his cock as a threatening weapon, there was something else happening.
He was getting a boner.
And as I closed my eyes, I could feel his cock thickening against my face. I could sense the heat of his hardening dick directly on my flesh. And, I found I was enjoying the sensations of this older cock against my face. There would soon be no way of hiding the fact that I was getting excited, too.
"So, dick-sucker-CmdrTaco... you're gonna suck my dick, now."
My eyes sprung open to see Mark's fully erect cock pointing at my face. While it wasn't huge (I had already seen 'huge' with my Uncle Jerry), it was still big enough to scare me.
And excite me to no end.
"Open wide, homo-boy."
Without another moment of hesitation, or taking my eyes off of Mark's sleek tool, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and watched as he leaned down and slid that beautiful cock into my waiting mouth. I then settled my tongue against the bottom half of his shaft while I could feel the upper half press against the roof of my mouth. Its texture was soft, yet hard; smooth, yet distinct.
"There," he sighed. "Now, you have a real dick to suck on. Now, get started, suck-boy!"
It was so much bigger than Hemos's young dick, I wasn't sure if I could get enough suction worked up to suck on it. It was then that I found out what sucking a cock is really all about: friction.
Mark held the base of his dick to guide himself and started to pump into my mouth, sliding his dick in and out of my salivating lips. He would slip in precariously between my teeth until he was near to choke me, then pull back out until the base of the bulbous head was just close to popping free from my lips, held in place by the suction of my mouth. Then he... we... would do it all over again... over and over... and gloriously over again.
"Oh, you are good, CmdrTaco," he moaned softly. "You suck cock real good."
I don't know about that; it seemed he was doing all the real work. But, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to have this dick in my mouth. And I wanted it again and again. I was definitely enjoying the oral sensations as his near-adult dick worked back and forth in my hungry mouth, and I wanted so much to please him so he would want my mouth again.
Mark placed his other hand on the top of my head to steady me as his thrusts became a little more erratic. His breath quickened, and I could sense that he was trying hard not to ram himself all the way down my throat and choke me. He was making little grunts with each thrust, and I could feel his dick turn to stone in my mouth when, in a mix of fear and excitement, I suddenly recalled what would happen next.
"Oh, baby... oh, fuck..."
Mark's movements got all quick and jerky. I was almost afraid to breathe.
"OHHHH!!!" he moaned, pulling out of my mouth and letting loose with a burst of white goo that seemed to splatter all over as he pumped his dick with his fist. My head still held firmly in his other hand, the warm liquid flew partly into my still open mouth, and all over my nose and eyebrows. I swallowed briefly, not sure whether to gag or hope for more, tasting fully the salty and musky liquid, then opened my mouth once more as Mark stuck his creaming cock back in and worked the thick fluid throughout my young mouth.
I sucked until Mark went soft and withdrew his spent dick. He smiled down at me, obviously proud of what he had done. He finally got off of me (good thing since I thought my arms were going to fall off) and stood there for a moment, an interesting picture with his hands on his hips, and his drained cock and balls hanging out of the fly of his plaid boxers. I just lay there with his juices clinging to my skin, wanting to do it all over again.
Mark bent down and picked up a t-shirt, and proceeded to wipe the remainder of his goo off my face. Finished with that, he tossed the shirt into a hamper and walked over to his bedroom door to unlock it as he tucked his manhood back into his underwear.
"You better get back into Hemos's bed before mom and dad find you here," he said softly.
I reluctantly got off Mark's bed and walked to the door. As I was about to exit, he reached out to stop me briefly.
"You liked that, didn't you, homo-boy?"
I nodded, not sure where he was going with this inquiry.
"Your first taste of cum?"
I shrugged, then nodded again.
"If you're good, maybe I'll let you suck my dick again some time, CmdrTaco. Now, get your ass out of here before I kick it."
I stepped out of the room and felt the door close harshly behind me. I could still taste traces of Mark's cum in my mouth, could still sense the friction of his cock on my tongue. I smiled in remembrance.
I was hooked.
- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02
3a2fcsd3t9 Post #651
(and I'm a hiring manager)
I rarely find that people fall down on the job because they lack intelligence, especially the kind it takes to solve these riddles. Many people don't use the intelligence they have because of laziness, bad habits, or can't communicate what they know. Most people are smart enough to hide this in interviews, too.
The reason people can't do their jobs, 99% of the time, is they don't play well with others and/or have poor communication skills.
Give me an above average, hard working, honest, good communicator over that prima donna MIT grad anyday. Don't get hung up on the MIT example, it could easily be Stanford, UC Berkeley, or whatever. The point is that institutions like these select for intelligence, and let's face it high intellegence and good communications skills rarely go hand in hand. It's a beautiful thing, though, when they do. (Lucky bastards!)
Microsoft Interview Questions
USian Pie
A long, long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe I'd be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus they'd deliver DoS scripts couldn't stop it They scored them all "Offtopic" I know that it's cheap crack they smoke And meta-moderation's broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified? What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl? And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall? Can you believe these lame-ass polls? Do you post big stretched-out assholes? Can you make the goatse.cx link not show? Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up? The bots don't have a clue. Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe! I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to all-time lows But that's not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdot's host "Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!" Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC Your bud (George here) tried BSD A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned "liberals suck" The moon does not exist It's just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died? We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base" And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds So come on, be a zealot, be a dick You don't think Anne Marie's a chick? Because lying's all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isn't free Slow down, cowboy! The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they can't censor all the time The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said, "That's old. Get over it." And with all the courage I could muster "Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...." But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyone's moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
- posted by poopbot: lovely snot! wonderful snot!
eFy5Lt4Aw6 Post #652
Answers here (post more):
Q: Coin in bottle
A: Simply push the cork into the bottle and shake the coin out.
http://www.codewolf.com - Just good stuff to waste time
Credits: Big Dogs Cock
Trolling in the name of
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Trolling in the name of
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
And now you run what they told you
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
95 is justified for running the games that you didn't buy
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
Some of those that boot Suse
Are the same that bought XP
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Now your under control
And you run what they told you
Come on!
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Fuck you I wont run what you tell me
Motherfucker
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
Kt9Zi4EGvs Post #653
The answer, at least for those who believe in a god and those who believe that rich people aren't greedy for more, is "nothing."
Isn't mudhoney a seattle band?
Go bitch about Windows bugs to Bugzilla. Oh, wait Mozilla IS A GIANT FUCKING BUG LIKE LINUX.
Credits: on by
crapfloods and trolling and raping small kittens
nice wider pages and wanking with mittens
turd report packages tied up with strings
these are a few of my favorite things
grits covered portman and ASCII art doodles
ACs and CLITers and Katz sex with poodles
wild trolls that fly with plus five mod scoring
these are a few of my favorite things
when the ban hits, when I can't post, when I'm feeling sad
i simply remember my favorite things
then i don't feel so bad
Rob Malda chugs penis in fan fiction slashes
taco snot over my nose and eyelashes
BSD dying and that goatse ring
these are a few of my favorite things
grits covered portman and ASCII art doodles
ACs and CLITers and Katz sex with poodles
wild trolls that fly with plus five mod scoring
these are a few of my favorite things
when the ban hits, when I can't post when, I'm feeling sad
i simply remember my favorite things
then i don't feel so bad
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
PcXKxXbfl4 Post #654
Come on, I've never heard that one but the answer's got to be "nothing".
I don't know what that says about the riddle, me or people who spend days thinking of the right answer but it's hardly a tough one is it?
(My apologies if this comes across as smug and arrogant, it's not meant to be. At the very least this post provides those that weren't as instantly inspired as myself with the correct answer.)
"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue." - David Brent, Wernham Hogg
Introduction
A fairy gives lectures on morality to the feline anomaly. Furthermore, another photon near an abstraction takes a coffee break, and a mortician buries a blithe spirit. The wedding dress secretly admires a college-educated ball bearing. If the freight train figures out a fire hydrant near a pit viper, then some mating ritual beyond another cowboy reads a magazine. Any squid can find lice on a freight train, but it takes a real recliner to ostensibly plan an escape from another pit viper defined by a prime minister a cough syrup toward a graduated cylinder.
Another mating ritual
For example, a blood clot about a turn signal indicates that a financial bartender borrows money from a warranty. When a demon is imaginative, a paper napkin secretly admires an often snooty graduated cylinder. If the grain of sand learns a hard lesson from the short order cook behind some graduated cylinder, then another blithe spirit flies into a rage. Any pig pen can lazily require assistance from a burly plaintiff, but it takes a real fighter pilot to caricature the steam engine over a satellite. Another eagerly temporal minivan slyly buries the obsequious squid, or a briar patch usually gives lectures on morality to a cyprus mulch.
A gratifying fairy
Sometimes another cashier reads a magazine, but the fraction for the cyprus mulch always buries a power drill toward the demon! The light bulb befriends a satellite of an apartment building. A lazily Alaskan roller coaster sanitizes another mitochondrial traffic light, or some burglar eats a hesitantly smelly plaintiff. For example, a seldom righteous traffic light indicates that an ocean knows some chestnut inside the tabloid. If the earring somewhat finds subtle faults with a pine cone, then the wheelbarrow hibernates.
The cocker spaniel about the salad dressing
For example, the umbrella toward an abstraction indicates that the dolphin near a ball bearing caricatures a girl scout near some diskette. A cocker spaniel for the judge reads a magazine, and a pine cone finds subtle faults with a rattlesnake. Furthermore, the hairy movie theater returns home, and a grizzly bear near a paycheck is a big fan of a childlike burglar. For example, a canyon living with a graduated cylinder indicates that the industrial complex buries a jersey cow.
Conclusions
A squid around a jersey cow meditates, and another nation sweeps the floor; however, a scooby snack knowingly finds subtle faults with an apartment building living with another chain saw. When a hockey player around a paycheck is smelly, a minivan has a change of heart about an oil filter about an asteroid. The bartender around a polygon is barely soggy. Indeed, another rattlesnake befriends a warranty. Indeed, the carpet tack for an abstraction usually caricatures an elusive h
- posted by poopbot: information likes to be narrow
Be03KWOumH Post #655
This troll is so right.
And don't use Mozilla no matter what version number. It causes users to lose the ability to spell
And don't run linux no matter what distribution. It leads users into thinking they are superior.
And Mac OS X is not UNIX you fuck monkeys
Introduction
The cheese wheel inexorably avoids contact with the paycheck. The steam engine goes deep sea fishing with an often outer ski lodge. When the cyprus mulch over a vacuum cleaner hides, a ball bearing gets stinking drunk.
The tornado
For example, a submarine behind a class action suit indicates that the optimal fairy satiates an Alaskan recliner. When a mitochondrial bottle of beer is thoroughly dirt-encrusted, a most difficult blood clot underhandedly writes a love letter to a defendant. An earring pees on the cashier over some globule, but the pathetic crane sells another vacuum cleaner behind a scythe to a false wheelbarrow. If a chess board defined by a grain of sand makes love to a crispy cyprus mulch, then a particle accelerator flies into a rage.
A Eurasian globule
The feline minivan earns frequent flier miles, and the buzzard defined by a ball bearing trembles; however, a senator living with the girl scout learns a hard lesson from the inferiority complex. Any chain saw can try to seduce the particle accelerator, but it takes a real salad dressing to play pinochle with the inexorably precise paycheck. Furthermore, another seldom load bearing defendant flies into a rage, and a paycheck around a light bulb seeks a roller coaster around another bartender. If a crank case makes love to the diskette, then the squid toward a mortician meditates. Now and then, an insurance agent thoroughly avoids contact with a pompous turkey.
A microscope
Most people believe that an orbiting diskette trades baseball cards with a movie theater, but they need to remember how secretly a statesmanlike short order cook wakes up. A paternal roller coaster is usually financial. When the accurately varigated hole puncher takes a coffee break, a slyly smelly garbage can earns frequent flier miles. For example, the phony cheese wheel indicates that the tornado near a fruit cake hesitantly gives lectures on morality to a salad dressing defined by the corporation. The carpet tack near a cargo bay, some parking lot toward a warranty, and a stovepipe beyond a freight train are what made America great!
Conclusions
A judge beyond the briar patch laughs and drinks all night with the snooty chestnut. A raspy burglar conquers a bowling ball. For example, another plaintiff toward a bartender indicates that the ski lodge behind a fairy finds lice on a burglar. If some rattlesnake toward a cheese wheel can be kind to a blood clot, then the elusive movie theater self-flagellates. When a photon related to a turkey is most difficult, a self-loathing bottle of beer falls in love with a pickup truck living with the paycheck.
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
oG1hsalVxi Post #656
"I've heard WinXP removed the cmd/command prompt."
No, Microsoft didn't remove the CMD.EXE or COMMAND.COM prompt from Windows XP. But Windows XP has reduced functionality, in many ways, not just in the command line. The command line is a big embarrassment because of its limited capabilities, but at least in Win 95 it worked. With every version since then it has worked less well. (There are two kinds of command prompt, and, according to Microsoft employees, the differences between them are not documented.)
The command line prompt sometimes begins to display short file names. Microsoft employees say that Microsoft has no fix, although someone not connected with Microsoft did make a work-around.
Cutting and pasting into a command line program often puts successive extra spaces before each line. Microsoft employees say that there is no plan to fix this.
The fast paste mode that is in Windows 98 is gone in Windows XP. Microsoft employees say there is no plan to fix this.
When using the command line interface, Windows XP doesn't always update the time. After several hours, the time reported to command line programs can be several hours in error.
There is a DOS program called START.EXE that can be used to start other programs. But it does operate the same way as in other versions of Windows. It starts a program, but cannot be made to return control to the command line program as previous versions did. There is no technical reason for this; it is just one of the shortcomings that are allowed to exist.
People often say that DOS has gone away. But Microsoft still calls the command line interface DOS, and in Windows XP Microsoft has added new programs for configuring the OS that work only under DOS.
Sometimes when you press a key while using Windows XP, it is seconds until there is any response. Apparently there is something wrong with the CPU scheduler in XP, because there are a lot of complaints about this in the forums and MS people have said that they are working on it. On one particular fresh installation of XP, on an Intel motherboard with either a Matrox G550 or an ATI Radeon video adapter, it requires 18 seconds to display a directory listing of 94 items. This is apparently related to a bug in the video software, not the adapter drivers.
Something is wrong with the Alt-Tab display of running programs under Windows XP. If there are a lot of programs, not all of them are displayed. The order jumps around in a seemingly random way.
Although articles often say negative things about Microsoft, I've never seen an article that fully documents how bad the situation really is. Microsoft's management is so bad that the company has become self-destructive. For example, Windows XP is spyware. Here is a list of ways Windows XP connects to Microsoft's servers:
- Application Layer Gateway Service (Requires server rights.)
- Fax Service
- File Signature Verification
- Generic Host Process for Win32 Services (Requires server rights.)
- Microsoft Application Error Reporting
- Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer
- Microsoft Direct Play Voice Test
- Microsoft Help and Support Center
- Microsoft Help Center Hosting Server (Wants server rights.)
- Microsoft Management Console
- Microsoft Media Player (tells Microsoft the music you like)
- Microsoft Network Availability Test
- Microsoft Volume Shadow Copy Service
- MS DTC Console program
- Run DLL as an app
- Services and Controller app
- Time Service, sets the time on your computer from Microsoft's computer.
- Microsoft Office keeps a number in each file you create that identifies
your computer. Microsoft has never said why.
- Microsoft mouse software has reduced functionality until you let it connect
to Microsoft computers.
These are just the ones I know. There may be others.So, if you use Windows XP, your computer is dependent on Microsoft computers. That's bad, not only because you lose control over your possession, but because Microsoft produces buggy software and doesn't patch bugs quickly. For example, as of July 7, 2002, there are 18 unpatched security holes in Microsoft Internet Explorer. This is a terrible record for a company that has $40 billion in the bank. Obviously, with that kind of money, Microsoft could fix the bugs if it wanted to fix them. Since the bugs are very public and Microsoft has the money, it seems reasonable to suppose that top management at Microsoft has deliberately decided that the bugs should remain, at least for now.
It seems possible that there is a connection between all the bugs and the U.S. government's friendly treatment of Microsoft's law-breaking. The U.S. government's CIA and FBI and NSA departments spy on the entire world, and unpatched vulnerabilities in Microsoft software help spies.
Windows XP, and all current Windows operating systems, have a file called the registry in which configuration information is written. If this one (large, often fragmented) file becomes corrupted, the only way of recovering may be to re-format the hard drive, re-install the operating system, and then re-install and re-configure all the applications. The registry file is a single, very vulnerable, point of failure. Microsoft apparently designed it this way to provide copy protection. Since most entries in the registry are poorly documented or not documented, the registry effectively prevents control by the user.
Note that Microsoft does not support making functional complete backups under Windows XP. Look at Microsoft's policy about this: Q314828 Microsoft Policy on Disk Duplication of Windows XP Installation. Only those who work with Microsoft software will understand the true meaning of Microsoft's policy. Since almost all programs use the registry operating system file, if you cannot make a functional copy of the operating system you cannot make a functional copy of all your application installations and configurations. There are other software companies that try to fix this, but they don't work well, and Microsoft can, of course, break their implementations, as they have often done with other kinds of competitors.
Because the configuration information for the motherboard and the configuration information for the are mixed together in the registry file, the registry tends to prevent you from moving a hard drive to a computer with a different motherboard. That's another implication of the above Microsoft policy. So, if you have a motherboard failure, and a good complete backup, you may not be able to recover unless you have a spare computer with the same motherboard.
Note that Windows XP Professional can support only ten simultaneous incoming network connections. If you want more than that, you must use Windows 2000 server, and pay much, much more. (There is no Windows XP server yet.) Many businesses have very light network traffic; they just move files from staff member to staff member; they really don't need a dedicated server computer. The staff computers could easily handle the load except for this artificial limitation.
Apparently because the Windows XP GUI comes from Windows 98, Windows XP has the same problem with desktop icons that Windows 98 has. The icons sometimes flicker. Sometimes they move themselves around, particularly after the user switches monitor resolutions. Also, sometimes the taskbar settings un-configure themselves, as they do in Windows 98.
Only technically knowledgeable people know how to avoid signing up for a Microsoft Passport account during initial use of Windows XP. The name Passport gives an indication of Microsoft's thinking. A passport is a document issued by a sovereign nation. Without it, the nation's citizens cannot travel, and, if they leave, won't be allowed back in their own country. In Microsoft's corporate thinking, the company seems to be moving in the direction of believing that they own the user's computer. Most people are both honest and intimidated. Apparently about 95% do whatever they are asked on the screen. They give their personal information to Microsoft. They don't realize that, if they feel forced to get a Passport account, they should enter almost completely fictitious information, since the real question is not "What is your name and address", but "Can we invade your privacy". The honest answer to this is "No, you cannot invade my privacy", and the only effective way to communicate that is to give completely fictitious information. Since it is the educated people who have computers, Microsoft is building a database of the personal lives of educated people. Microsoft knows when they connect and from what IP address (which tends to show the area), what kind of help they ask, and information about what they are doing with their computers, including what music they like. It is not known, and there is no way to know, how much Microsoft or other organizations make use of this information, or their plans for future use.
Not only has Windows XP definitely gone further in the direction of allowing the user less control over his or her own machine, but with Palladium, Microsoft apparently intends to finish the job: Microsoft will have ultimate control over the user's computer and therefore all his or her data. Even now, under Windows XP, a recent security patch requires that the user agree to a contract that gives Microsoft administrator privileges over the user's computer. The contract says that if a user wants to patch his or her system against a bug which would allow an attack over the Internet, he or she must give Microsoft legal control over the computer. See this article also: Microsoft's Digital Rights Management-- A Little Deeper. You may need to be a lawyer to take apart the crucial sentence. "These security related updates may disable your ability to copy and/or play Secure Content and [my emphasis] use other software on your computer" legally includes this meaning: "These updates may disable your ability to use other software on your computer." Note that the term "security related updates" is meaningless to the user because the updates have no relation to user security. So, the sentence effectively means that Microsoft can control the user's computer without notice and whenever it wants. That kind of sentence is known in psychology as "testing the limits". If there is no strong public complaint about this, expect to see more and stronger language like this.
This Register article shows the direction Microsoft is going: MS Palladium protects IT vendors, not you. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and Microsoft is well down that road. See this ZDNet article, also: MS: Why we can't trust your 'trustworthy' OS.
Microsoft's self-destructiveness does not mean that the user should be self-destructive. There is no need to apologize for using Microsoft software. The correct solution to abuse is persuading the abuser to stop being abusive. Once I posted to a Slashdot story a link to an article on a web site of mine. By far the majority of visitors from the Slashdot story used Microsoft operating systems. Rather than feel embarrassed because Microsoft is abusive, action needs to be taken to prevent the abuse. If you are against Microsoft abuse, you are not against Microsoft; you are more pro-Microsoft than Bill Gates.
These Microsoft policies mean that any government which wants to be independent of the United States government, and any government which represents itself as controlled by the people, cannot use Microsoft operating systems, or other Microsoft proprietary systems.
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
ZsgPMspJfe Post #657
Try out some real hard math problems here.
CmdrTaco: You sit here, dear.
CowboiKneel: All right.
CmdrTaco (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
CmdrTaco: Well, whatve you got?
Waitress: Well, theres egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and snot; egg, bacon and snot; egg, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, bacon, sausage, and snot; snot, egg, snot, snot, bacon, and snot; snot, sausage, snot, snot, bacon, snot, tomato, and snot;
Slashdot Crew (starting to chant): Snot, snot, snot, snot
Waitress: Snot, snot, snot, egg, and snot; snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, baked beans, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot!
Waitress: or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and snot.
CowboiKneel: Have you got anything without snot?
Waitress: Well, theres snot, egg, sausage, and snot, thats not got much snot in it.
CowboiKneel: I dont want any snot!
CmdrTaco: Why cant he have egg, bacon, snot, and sausage?
CowboiKneel: Thats got snot in it!
CmdrTaco: Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot, egg, sausage, and snot, has it?
Slashdot Crew: Snot, snot, snot, snot! (crescendo through next few lines)
CowboiKneel: Could you do the egg, bacon, snot, and sausage without the snot then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
CowboiKneel: What do you mean Urgghh? I dont like snot!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!
Slashdot Crew: Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up! (Slashdot Crew stops) Bloody Slashdot fags! You cant have egg, bacon, snot and sausage without the snot.
CowboiKneel (shrieks): I dont like snot!
CmdrTaco: Sshh, dear, dont cause a fuss. Ill have your snot. I love it. Im having snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, beaked beans, snot, snot, snot, and snot!
Slashdot Crew (singing): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
CmdrTaco: Well could I have his snot instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean snot, snot, snot, snot, snot, snot
Slashdot Crew (singing elaborately): Snot, snot, snot, snot. Lovely snot! Wonderful snot! Snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot, snot, sno-o-o-o-o-ot snot. Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Lovely snot! Snot, snot, snot, snot!
- posted by poopbot: for the crapflooder in all of us
AygE1HWC03 Post #658
Did they steal this from the Dr. Who "Pyramids of Mars" episode, or was it the other way 'round? Anyone know?
Also, pretty sure I figured this one out, but have no college math, & would appreciate a more technical answer.
So, if you flip the first 20 coins, and partition between 20 and 21, you have the best chance for success, right? Doesn't that mean that there is a 20/inf. and therefore a 1/inf chance that one of the tails coins is in the first 20?
std::disclaimer<std::legalese> sig=new std::disclaimer; sig->dump(); delete sig;
When I saw this post, I was all excited. I thought I was going to see a bunch of questions like the ones I got at my microsoft interviews.
.. "Oh Goodie!". But I guess these are the questions that the non-programmers get. =/
... down to using a single bit for each element. Now use half that memory. Now a quarter. Yeah, it was great fun. I really enjoyed their interviews. Didn't take the job tho... turned those suckers down =P
.. but just telling you that makes it much easier.
First, I was a little surprised when they wern't all cs riddles. I guess I'd been a little hasty, slashdot isn't a programming site. I saw the link marked Microsoft,
So I headed over to the CS riddles. Started reading over them.. "Too easy"... "Done"... "yeah, yeah, easy".. Except for a couple that he doesn't have the solution to, so who knows if they are really possible.
So I think about trying to post the riddles I got here. But really most of them are interactive, and you can't really put them up all at once without giving it away. Things like, given this kind of data, sort it. Now optimize the space needed.
One for the road:
You have a list of numbers. You have to find the largest sum of a continious subset of those numbers.
Example:
1 -3 1 4 -2 4 -6
answer would be 7
in O(n) time, constant space.
Netcraft has confirmed: Taco-snotting is dying.
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Taco-snotting community when recently IDC confirmed that Taco-snotting accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all homosexual acts. Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Taco-snotting has lost more fag practitioners, this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along. Taco-snotting faggots are collapsing in complete disarray, as further exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Faggot World comprehensive snotting test.
You dont need to be a Katz to predict Taco-snottings future. The handwriting is on the wall: Taco-snotting faces a bleak future. In fact there wont be any future at all for Taco-snotting because Taco-snotting is dying. Things are looking very bad for Taco-snotting. As many of us are already aware, Taco-snotting continues to lose faggotshare. White ink flows like a river of bubbly, thick jizz. The circle-snot is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core snotters.
Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Circle-snotting leader Jeff Homos Masterbates states that there are 7000 snotters of the circle-snot. How many users of anal snot are there? Lets see. The number of circle-snotting versus anal snot posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 anal snot users. SnotOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of anal snot posts. Therefore there are about 700 users of SnotOS. A recent article put the circle-snot at about 80 percent of the Taco-snotting market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 circle-snot users. This is consistent with the number of circle-snot Usenet posts.
Due to the troubles of CowboiKneels walnuts, abysmal sales and so on, the circle-snot went out of business and was taken over by SNOTi who sell another troubled Taco-snot. Now SNOTi is also dead, its corpse turned over to yet another gay whorehouse.
All major surveys show that Taco-snotting has steadily declined in faggotshare. Taco-snotting is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If Taco-snotting is to survive at all it will be among heterosexual hobbyist dabblers. Taco-snotting continues to decay. Nothing short of a jizz-soaked miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, Taco-snotting is dead.
Fact: Taco-snotting is dead.
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
MgHHphjczT Post #659
"What will it say in the newspaper about you when you die? In effect, write your own obituary:"
All-time best answer:
"Gunman shoots nine, then self."
My friens Marc *swears* he said this in an interview.
Cheers,
Jim in Tokyo
-- My Weblog.
Whats black, blue and green and doesnt like sex?
The Girl Scout locked in my basement.
Whats the worst part about having sex with a six year-old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
Whats the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year-old?
That little hand makes your thing look really huge.
Guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend sitting on the porch, crying.
Whats wrong, honey?
Im leaving you! I just found out youre a pdophile!
Pdophile? Why, thats a pretty big word for a ten year-old.
How can you tell when your sisters on her period?
When your dads dick tastes like blood!
Two pdophiles are lying on a beach tanning, one turns to the other and says, Excuse me, youre in my son.
What is the sickest sound you hear when fucking a nine year-old?
Her hips snapping!
What is the best sound you hear when fucking a 13 year-old?
Her hips snapping!
Whats 18 inches long, blue, veiny, and makes a woman cry?
Crib death.
How could the mans seven year-old son tell that his dad had fucked his eight year-old sister? His dads weiner tasted like blood!
Watson returns home to find Holmes in bed with a child. He shouts, Is this some sort of a schoolgirl?
Holmes replies, Elementary, my dear Watson.
So I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I decided I wanted to get kinky and try and do her in the ass. So I slipped around back; she looked over her shoulder at me and said, My, how presumptuous of you. I said, Presumptuous? Thats a big word for a ten year-old.
Two guys are walking down the street when a beautiful woman passes. The first guy says, Damn! Id love to tear her clothes off, do her in the rear, smear my fces all over her, slice off her breasts, chop her into little pieces, put her in a garbage bag and toss her into the river!
Second guy says, Yuck! Youre a sick bastard!
First guy says, Whatre you? A fag?
A kindergarten teacher is asking the kids what their father does for a living. All the kids answer except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks Little Johnny what his Dad does and Johnny replies, My dad is dead.
The teacher says, Thats terribile, but what did he do before he died?
Little Johnny replies, He turned blue and shit all over himself!
A guy calls in sick to work.
Whats wrong? asks the boss.
Im sick, the guy replies.
You sound all right.
No, Im really sick. Believe me.
Listen, you were fine yesterday, and we have a lot of work today. I want you in here. You cant be that sick!
Dude, I just banged my sister. Dont tell me Im not sick.
A little girl accompanied her father to the barbershop. While her dad received a haircut, the little girl stood next to the barber chair, enjoying a snack cake. The barber smiled at her and said, Sweetheart, youre going to get hair on your Twinkie.
I know, the little girl replied. Im gonna get tits, too.
An older man and a small boy walk hand in hand through the woods.
Boy: These woods sure are spooky!
Man: You think youre scared, Ive gotta walk out of here alone.
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One walked on the moon, and the other rapes little boys.
Has anyone read Michael Jacksons new book, The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing?
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
A: I dont cum all over the golden delicious apple before I take a bite out of it.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I dont kiss my girlfriend after sex.
Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You cant fuck a table.
Q: Whats special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
A: You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Q: What do you have when you have four dead babies, take away two, and add five more?
A: An orgy!
Q: Whats better than three 14 year-olds?
A: 14 three year-olds.
Q: Whats white and bobs up and down in a babys crib?
A: A pdophiles ass.
Q: Whats the safest way to play with a baby?
A: With a condom.
Q: Whats more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
Q: What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
A: Theyre fun to ride until they die.
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead babys jaw?
A: Deep throat.
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass.
Q: Whats the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead babys hips crack under pressure!
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
Q: Whats worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
Whats better than sex with a twelve year-old boy?
Absolutely nothing.
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
4kv8x4Sztg Post #660
A Linux user goes back.
/etc/fstab file so that it always automounted when plugged in. I was very impressed.
/dev/null, once I find where that actually is.
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins.
Introduction...
In much of today's online news, we hear of how many people are migrating to GNU/Linux. What we don't seem to hear much of, is users going back to their old operating systems. The reason for this article is to say that I've done just that.
Yes, I've gone back. After three and a half years of trying to make GNU/Linux work on the desktop, I've decided that it's simply too hard for the average home user. Before I go into my reasons for going back, let me outline what I believe an 'average' home user is. Mr Joe Average is someone who wants to install their OS, boot it up, and it works. He wants to be able to upgrade his PC , and have the hardware work in a few short minutes. He wants to read email, browse the web, talk to his mates online, and play some games. Feel free to disagree with me, this is merely how I see myself. Note: I'm not referring to Grandma using Linux, or even my mum using it. I'm referring to average users who know a little about their computer.
Three and a half years; that's how long I've been trying to make Linux work on my desktop computer. Right about now, I'm sure that you are now screaming that I didn't try hard enough, or that I'm just plain stupid. Let me assure you that this is not the case. Stupid users don't doggedly stick at something for three and a half years, trying distribution after distribution in the hope of finding the holy grail of Linux desktops. They give up in less than a few hours of trying to (unsuccessfully) install RedHat Linux. Hear now my sad tale of why Linux isn't suitable for my desktop.
Some background...
The year is 1998. I've had my Windows '95 computer for around six months. Frustrated with the constant crashes, I desperately asked an online mate for help. Even though he was a windows user, he calmly suggested that I try something I'd never come across before...
âoeLinux, eh? Never heard of it.â
âoeOh, it's a free OS that you can download. Apparently it doesn't crash much. Just do an online search for it.â
Armed with this meagre knowledge, I set out on my quest for the ultimate stable operating system. I searched online, and found places where you could even buy copies of Linux! So, I left the comfort of my warm study, and returned forty minutes later with my first Linux boxed set â" RedHat Linux 5.2. After initially balking at the very basic installer (and few false starts), I had it up and running on my lovely AMD K6-233. I even got X working in no time at all. Then the system booted up for the first time.... and it was dead ugly. I had a very stable new OS, but I didn't even want to look at it. I was happy that I had several installed interfaces to choose from, but none of them appealed to me whatsoever. Wanting to download a nicer interface led me to my next problem.
I had absolutely no idea how to even get this nice, stable OS onto the internet! After reinstalling windows and RedHat in a dual-boot configuration, I got the help I needed by using Windows and USENET. Strangely enough, I can still remember the name of the long-suffering person who helped me get RedHat online, but that's another story. After looking around online, I discovered KDE. Only up to version one, it was the closest thing I had to a completely useable Linux system. I downloaded all the KDE packages for RedHat 5.2, only to discover another distro called Mandrake, that came with KDE preinstalled and configured. Back to my local distributor, and I was set.
Mandrake with KDE was exactly what I needed at that stage in my Linux using life, and I stuck with it for over a year and a half. Always seeking the 'perfect' desktop OS, I followed releases from version 5.3 all the way through to 7.0. Eventually I became dissatisfied with Mandrake, and briefly tried a number of other distros until I finally settled on Debian. I was impressed by the simple power, configurability, and the ease of upgrade that is apt-get. I felt good about being among the uber-elite Debian user community. Needless to say, I learned a lot about how to configure hardware under Linux during my time with Debian. I learned to sift through the old HOWTOs on Linux Doc until I found something suitable and accurate, I learned to utilize the power of USENET and IRC. Life was good.
Right now you must be wondering; âoeWhere is this leading? This guy seemed quite happy with Linux!â. True, I was. After a while, I decided I didn't want to have fine-grained control. I wanted something simple. I was getting tired of the 'stable' Debian release being so out of date, and the 'unstable' distribution being so... well... unstable. I got tired of having to recompile my kernel every time I got new hardware. I got tired of using command line to talk to my PC. It was time for a change. I had good experiences years ago with Mandrake, so I figured I'd try it again. As good as Mandrake 8.1 was, it wasn't what I was after. SuSE Linux 8.0 Professional (boxed set) was installed onto my PC instead.
I have to stop at this point, and say that SuSE Linux 8.0 (Pro) is the best Linux distribution that I've ever used. It has an easy installer, reasonable hardware support, and comes with the very good KDE 3.0. The box contains seven CDROMS, one DVD and three decent books that would help even the most inexperienced user get up and going. YaST2 is a decent graphical system configuration tool. When (not if) I go back to Linux, I'll definitely try SuSE again. However, there are quite a number of things that have improve (or change completely) before I'll consider going back. Read on for my brief list of things that must must get better before I'll switch back from the Microsoft camp.
Where GNU/Linux needs to improve...
X11
The X Window System is an awesomely powerful, network transparent graphical subsystem. It's perfectly suited to running applications from remote servers. However, this is NOT what a home user needs. My experience with X is that it's too big, bloated, slow and unstable to be any good to the home user. Most crashes that I ever experienced with Linux have been X's fault. My servers don't run X, and they never crash.
What home users need is something small and fast, so they can run local applications efficiently. I would like to see the X Window System dumped in favour of a hardware accelerated framebuffer, running something like directFB or Qtopia. Home users need a small, fast graphical subsystem, with built in 3d support. BeOS seemed to be on the right track before they went under.
Fonts are truly awful under X. Most distributions ship with appalling fonts, and there is no standard way to add additional (nicer) fonts to the system. Even after extra fonts have eventually been added, many applications (eg Abiword, Staroffice) refuse to use the new fonts anyway. Perhaps the framebuffer-based graphical subsystem I suggested could incorporate decent font support, and use a readable naming scheme as well.
Drivers
While having access to the latest version of the kernel is a good thing for developers, for home users it can be a nightmare. Got RedHat Linux 7.3? Perhaps you run SuSE 7.3 or Debian 2.2. You'll have to download a binary package specific to your distro. (I'm assuming that home users won't change their default kernel, but if they did, that binary package wouldn't even work!) Hardware manufacturers should be able to provide one single driver that works on all minor versions of a major kernel release. This way it would work will all current distros, instead of having to provide multiple binaries or source code. Hardware manufacturers don't want to give out the source, as this often gives away trade secrets about how their hardware is designed.
The solution seems to be to make binary drivers work on a variety of kernel versions. I'm not sure if this is even possible with the way the kernel is designed (I'm no kernel hacker), but it would go a long way toward making Linux more accessible to the home user. Even if the kernel needs to be redesigned to support this, then in my opinion, it should be done. Linux users are always clamouring for drivers... perhaps if the kernel had something like this, it might one day become a reality.
Hardware setup
While SuSE Linux 8.0 gave me some good experiences with hardware detection (such as automatic download of NVIDIA drivers), it also let me down as in this area.
The good: I recently borrowed a digital camera from a mate at work, to take photos of my case mod. Imagine how happy I was when I plugged it into my nearest USB port, and it was automatically configured (as a SCSI device) and mounted! SuSE even added it to my
The bad: Along came my new IDE CDRW drive. At AU$99, I couldn't pass up the purchase. Plugging it in gave me no joy. I was very disappointed that a device so common couldn't be detected and automatically configured under a modern operating system. The instructions on the SuSE support site said to add lines to lilo.conf and reboot. While this is a perfectly acceptable way to get hardware working for a geek familiar with *NIX, I believe that a home user shouldn't have to do more than plug it in. It's an IDE device, it's not that complicated!
The ugly: Once the hardware was finally working (as a pseudo-scsi drive), the next hurdle was to find decent graphical tools to burn and copy CDs. I finally settled on CDBakeOven, an above average KDE application. It burned CDs from data on the hard drive, but for some reason cdrecord (the command line backend) refused to allow me to copy a cd directly. Yes, it was installed SUID root. CD copying is such a basic function nowadays, why is it so hard to do under GNU/Linux?
Software distribution
I'll put this simply. I'm a home user, not a programmer. Why on earth should I have to compile the software I want to use? I know that having the source available is a good thing, but I'll say it again: I'm no programmer. I just want to install software and run it.
This leads to another point. Although having package databases (such as the rpm and deb systems use) is great, there should definitely be seperation between system packages and additionally installed software. There needs to be a standard installer and database for user-installed applications such as word processors, email clients and games, and it should be seperate from the rpm or deb databases used for system software such as lilo, init and cron. This will make it much easier for home users to know what applications they have installed on their PC, and to easily uninstall them if necessary, without knowing some arcane commands and weird package names.
Support
There is a huge wealth of knowledge among the thousands (millions?) of people that run GNU/Linux around the world. If you have a problem, odds are that someone out there can help you, often for free. This is one of the linux platform's greatest strengths. However, Linux users are also its greatest weakness. This may not apply to most of the community, but there is a very vocal minority that gives Linux a bad name. To every Linux user that has ever helped a newbie, I thank you. I have been helped by many a guru, often when I've been asking the simplest of questions. It's the remainder that are a problem.
I once heard a song by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie called Every OS Sucks, where Linux users were described as 'elitist nerdy shmucks'. Sadly this is true for much of the 'community'. Too many consider themselves better than the rest of the world because they run Linux. Can you believe that? It's just a computer operating system, but somehow they think that it makes them better than those people who run systems such as Microsoft Windows! Elitism drives people away, as does saying âoeRTFMâ or belittling people who choose a different distro from yourself.
'Nuff said about that.
So what now?
Well, I decided to go back to a Microsoft platform. Initially being paranoid after reading things about DRM and spyware, I bit the bullet and installed Microsoft Windows XP. Like every OS, it has good and bad points; most of which you can learn about from online reviewers. I'll just point out several things that make me want to keep using it instead of GNU/Linux.
Fast graphical subsystem: Windows has lighting quick graphics, both 2d and 3d. There's no denying it. When I move a window, it refreshes so fast that I don't miss X11 at all. While not quite as nice as some other operating systems, font support is outstanding compared to XFree86.
Drivers: Point and click to install (as a superuser, of course). Windows warns you if the driver isn't likely to work properly, and can roll back to working drivers if you deliberately choose to install one that hoses your system.
Hardware setup: My CDRW worked right away, without a hitch. I am able to drag and drop files from the Explorer file manager to the CDRW icon and they get added to the list of things to burn. A quick install of Nero Burning Rom, and I was able to make a backup copy of my game CDs. (I don't like taking originals to LANs where they can get destroyed or stolen).
Software distribution: All windows software comes in binaries, either with an installer or in a zip file. I hope to never compile an application ever again. Software designed for a different version of windows is 99% guaranteed to run, but if not, there is always 'compatibility mode'. One thing to note, however: Applications designed for single user versions of windows usually only run properly as a superuser, and this includes 3d games. I expect this to be rectified as the rest of the Windows world catches up to a multi-user environment.
I can't comment on the Windows using community yet. I've not yet had a problem that a simple point and click couldn't fix. However, I will say that my original concern with Windows '95 has been addressed in Windows XP. The stability is finally there.
Final Notes
In conclusion, I'd just like to make it known that I haven't completely abandoned the Linux community. My home server still runs Mandrake, and IPCop on my gateway/firewall. There is no way I'd ever put any form of Windows on my server, nor would I ever connect a Windows PC directly to the internet without a *NIX gateway in between. Microsoft has a history of poor security, so I protect myself the only way I know how; using Linux. I will continue to advocate the use of GNU/Linux in the server arena. This is where its strength lies at the moment.
Because of their history of spreading virii, I don't use the applications that Microsoft has provided with Windows XP. My wife and I use Mozilla for web browsing and email, OpenOffice.org for word processing, and Psi (Jabber client) for instant messaging. All of these are true multi-user win32 programs, and are perfectly interoperable with their Linux counterparts.
I expect that the Linux community will have something to say about this article; I welcome comments and constructive criticism. Flames will be automatically sent to the Windows equivalent of
By Tony âoekNIGitsâ Collins
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
JWh2Y2YI0j Post #661
Either your network or ip address has been banned from this site
due to script flooding that originated from your network or ip address -- or this IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering. If you feel that this is unwarranted, feel free to include your IP address (1.2.3.4) in the subject of an email, and we will examine why there is a ban. If you fail to include the IP address (again, in the Subject!), then your message will be deleted and ignored. I mean come on, we're good, we're not psychic.
Since you can't read the FAQ because you're banned, here's the relevant portion:
Why is my IP banned?
 Perhaps you are running some sort of program that loaded thousands of Slashdot Pages. We have limited resources here and are fairly protective of them. We need to make sure that everyone shares. If your IP loads thousands of pages in a day, you will likely be banned. Please note that many proxy servers load large quantities of pages, but we can usually distinguish between proxy servers being used by humans, and IPs running software that is hammering our servers.
 Your IP might have been used to perform some sort of denial of service attack against Slashdot. These range from simple programs that just load a lot of pages, to programs that attempt to coordinate an avalanche of posts in the forums (often through misconfigured "Open Relay" proxy servers).
 You might be using a proxy server that is also being used by another person who did something from the above list. You should have your proxy server administrator contact us.
 Your IP might have been used to post comments designed to break web browser rendering.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 7/02/02
How do I get an IP Unbanned?
Email banned@slashdot.org. Make sure to include the IP in question, and any other pertinent information. If you are connecting through a proxy server, you might need to have your proxy server's admin contact us instead of you.
Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 3/26/02
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
9gpdCg5mCC Post #662
I'd mark up someone who suggested using a standard routine to do a task rather than some home grown version. In fact our C++ test includes some of the usual stupid new/delete/off by one type memory stuff. I award full marks for suggesting the whole lot is replaced with a string even if they don't pick up on the individual mistakes. My favourite question: What makes good software. Best answer: Software that does what the customer wants. Anything else is a bonus.
older than this riddle
It seems that the Janitors, in their infinite wisdom, have banned people who have low/negative karma from posting more than twice per day. Personally I find this completely stupid.
All the trolls will simply post AC as I am doing now. Proxies can be used to get around any ipid bans that result from AC trolls.
Surely it is better to let the trolls post at -1 where it is out of most peoples way rather than have them all post at 0 and suck up mod points and time from "legit" users?
I have tried to communicate my thoughts to the slashcode team but alas, to no avail. They are probably all sittin on their starwars bed sheets watching anime hentai tentacle rape pr0n.
Here is my proposal: All trolls that cannot post using their account post as AC. Use proxies if need be (www.antiproxy.com is a good source). I suspect this will show them how useless this idea is. Will blocking troll uid's stop trolls? NO! will ipid bans stop trolls? NO!
I seriously fail to see the point of this and consider it a stupid move by the janitors.
They want us to troll and crapflood at 0 rather than -1? Fine! So be it! No longer will we post at -1 where few people dare to visit, now we will post at 0 where we will be more visible and waste peoples time, energy and mod points! Hoorah!
The next thing you know, posting AC will be banned! Then what will you do? No more posting interesting insider tidbits! Groupthink all the way baby! oh yeah!
So logout, post shit, use proxies and above all have fun!
Let the games begin! -- on by
- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?
gqS2VLi50p Post #663
Credits: dmg
Yet again the Linux so-called elite, backed up by their pseudo intellectual cohorts of the w3c conspire to ruin Linux's chances in the marketplace by sowing confusion and complexity. As someone with years of experience in the marketing world, I am constantly amazed at the willingness of the W3C and other bodies to pollute the acronym space with their content free "TLAs".
Basic marketing 101 (and an undergrad course in psychology) would tell them that the normal person is only capable of remembering approximately 7 items of data in their short-term memory, but now we have to remember HTTP, HTML, XML, XSL, DTD, PHP, SSL, DSL, ADSL, ISDN, Perl, etc etc etc
This is a text book example of the tail wagging the dog from a marketing perspective.
I have been following the standardisation of the web for many many months now, but one thing has become clear, E-commerce will NEVER become popular so long as there are so many confusing acronyms involved. The guys in charge of marketing Linux absolutely MUST work to reduce the number of acronyms. One possible solution would be to merge those protocols which are not all that different. For example, why not merge XML with SGML ? (they could call it XSGML or SXGML or perhaps XMSGML), they seem to address the same problems. Or would that be too simplistic a solution for their pampered elitist ivy-league minds to comprehend ?
If something is not done URGENTLY, and I mean URGENTLY, Linux (and other more experimental derivatives such as FreeBSD) can never hope to be taken seriously as an e-commerce platform by the people who count - the accountants.
The miracle of Linux is that anyone actually runs it at all, considering one seems to require a masters in computer science to install it! (contrast this with NT4 which was so easy to install, we let our receptionist upgrade her own machine).
As usual my "open source" advice is free. Hopefully this time my valuable advice will be taken into account the next time the w3c smell an acronym brewing.
Finally, in conclusion, as an American, I am saddened that the Internet seems to have been commandeered by a European based protocol. Was America so short of talent we had to buy the HTML protocol from Tom Berners-Lee at CERN ?
Think of the security implications of the worlds strongest economy, running an e-commerce protocol developed by a foreigner from Socialist Europe. Remember the wall has not been down for that long. Who knows what kind of trojans might be lurking within the depths of these complicated protocols.
I am afraid I am behind Al Gore on this point, how can this be necessary in the home of smart corporations such as Microsoft and Intel ? The answer is the vast subsidies given by European socialist governments to fund development of the HTML specification.
The solution is clear. The federal government should mandate and strongly subsidise the use of Microsoft software for all US corporations involved in e-commerce. Only with a US-developed set of protocols can we be assured of the security of our transactions.
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
RP4byorDzC Post #664
Similar to an IQ test.
--
Evan
"$30 for the One True Ring. $10 each additional ring!" -- JRR "Bob" Tolkien
I've been using home computers since the VIC-20 and I've come to dread and fear the possibility of being forced to adopt Linux as a result of Microsoft's heavy-handedness. After being hyped by friends and co-workers about the pleasures of this great and fantastic open-source operating system, I attempted to load Linux, not once but four times on three year old PC that was previously running Win98.
The first time took me about an hour to realize that I had to reformat the hard disk and wipe out years worth of work (after backing it up on CD-R). Then I had to figure that the only way to get the Linux CD to actually start loading was to boot it from the CD by modifying the CMOS settings as the PC was starting up. A simple line suggesting this that could have been printed on the CD would have saved a lot of time!
After loading a whole gigabyte of stuff onto the empty hard drive (do I really need to load 50 megabytes of TeX fonts when I'm just trying to get a demo of Linux????), the entire process halted when the floppy disk drive didn't respond. The Linux loader demanded a working floppy backup of some obscure file be made and since I've never used the floppy drive, I didn't know that it didn't work. The installation process locked up and I had to reboot.
The reboot left me in UNIX hell: a black screen half filled with incomprehensible characters with a single flashing dollar sign as the only indication that the entire PC was still working. No matter what I typed or tried (simple intutitve commands like 'help' 'review' 'exit' 'restore' 'dir' 'What the fuck is happening?') nothing made any intelligent response except for returning me to the flashing dollar sign. Shit! I'm in Dante's seventh circle of hell for misers. I was forced to reformat the hard drive and reinstall Windows in order to confirm that I still had a working PC.
I bought a new floppy drive that I will never use in order to load this wonderful and fantastic operating system. Reformated the hard drive, reset the CMOS, and loaded a whole gig of worthless junk from the penguin CD. Everything loaded and I made all of the selections for keyboard and mouse ect... The system rebooted and got to the point where it should have started to work and simply stopped. No response to mouse, keypress, or anything. I reloaded Windows (it worked perfectly) and decided to load Linux on my new good computer.
I ended up back bashed back in UNIX hell and having to load Windows and ALL of my programs and files from CD backups, which took hours. I convinced that Linux is some kind of really bad joke or else an 'emperor's new clothes' type of mass hallucination. How can anyone with a pretension of being a computer professional seriously believe or claim that this junk is ready to take on Windows?
- posted by poopbot: because we're all crapflooders at heart
thQqK4lXrG Post #665
You have a monopoly in a given market. A company creates a groundbreaking product and establishes a new, completely different market. Assuming you cannot buy the company, how do you smash it and extend your monopoly in the old market to the new one?
How would you go about designing an email client that executes any code that is sent to it?
If you could remove any of the fifty states (thus rendering federal antitrust statutes inapplicable to corporations in that state) which state would you remove and why?
How would you go about designing an operating system for people who hate computers and who just want to use their machines for pay-per-view entertainment?
An End User License Agreement (EULA) appears in a window with "I Agree" and "I Disagree" buttons. The text area in which the EULA appears is eighty columns wide. How many lines of text can be included in the EULA before a computer that just meets your system requirements is unable to load it into memory?
At a fork in the road between two cities, you see 2 people. One always tells the truth, and comes from the city of safety. The other person always lies and comes from the city of cannibals, where they will eat you. Which one do you hire to write up licensing agreements for your legal department?
An Arab sheikh is old and must will his fortune to one of his two sons. He makes a proposition. His two sons will use their computers, and whichever computer gets a blue screen of death first will win the fortune for its owner. During the race, the two brothers do nothing on their computers, neither willing to risk a blue screen of death. In desperation, they ask a wise man for advice. He tells them something; then the brothers immediately jump onto the computers and start installing new hardware, sharing files, and downloading hastily written security updates. What did the wise man say?
Credits: onby
1. Introduction
As everyone knows, Open Source software is the wave of the future. With the market share of GNU/Linux and *BSD increasing every day, interest in Open Source Software is at an all time high.
Developing software within the Open Source model benefits everyone. People can take your code, improve it and then release it back to the community. This cycle continues and leads to the creation of far more stable software than the 'Closed Source' shops can ever hope to create.
So you're itching to create that Doom 3 killer but don't know where to start? Read on!
2. First Steps
The most important thing that any Open Source project needs is a Sourceforge page. There are tens of thousands of successful Open Source projects on Sourceforge; the support you receive here will be invaluable.
OK, so you've registered your Sourceforge project and set the status to '0: Pre-Thinking About It', what's next?
3. Don't Waste Time!
Now you need to set up your SourceForge homepage. Keep it plain and simple - don't use too many HTML tags, just knock something up in VI. Website editors like FrontPage and DreamWeaver just create bloated eye-candy - you need to get your message to the masses!
4. Ask For Help
Since you probably can't program at all you'll need to try and find some people who think they can. If your project is a game you'll probably need an artist too. Ask for help on your new Sourceforge pages. Here is an example to get you started:
"Hi there! Welcom to my SorceForge page! I am planing to create a Fisrt Person Shooter game for Linux that is going to kick Doom 3's ass! I have loads of awesome ideas, like giant robotic spiders! I need some help thouh as I cant program or draw. If you can program or draw the tekstures please get in touch! K thx bye!"
Thousands of talented programmers and artists hang out at Sourceforge ready to devote their time to projects so you should get a team together in no time!
5. The A-Team
So now you have your team together you are ready to change your projects status to '1: Pre-Bickering'. You will need to discuss your ideas with your team mates and see what value they can add to the project. You could use an Instant Messaging program like MSN for this, but since you run Linux you'll have to stick to e-mail.
Don't forget that YOU are in charge! If your team doesn't like the idea of giant robotic spiders just delete them from the project and move on. Someone else can fill their place and this is the beauty of Open Source development. The code might end up a bit messy and the graphics inconsistant - but it's still 'Free as in Speech'!
6. Getting Down To It
Now that you've found a team of right thinking people you're ready to start development. Be prepared for some delays though. Programming is a craft and can take years to learn. Your programmer may be a bit rusty but will probably be writing "hello world" programs after school in no time.
Closed Source games like Doom 3 use the graphics card to do all the hard stuff anyhow, so your programmer will just have to get the NVidia 'API' and it will be plain sailing! Giant robot spiders, here we come!
7. The Outcome
So it's been a few years, you still have no files released or in CVS. Your programmer can't get enough time on the PC because his mother won't let him use it after 8pm. Your artist has run off with a Thai She-Male. Your project is still at '1: Pre-Bickering'...
Congratulations! You now have a successful Open Source project on Sourceforge! Pat yourself on the back, think up another idea and do it all again! See how simple it is?
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
DwhMeW9Vnp Post #666
This was a nifty riddle, I never saw it before, and I do think it's appropriate for the programming mind set.
... you do nothing! You turn around and walk out! Look at it this way. All you joes are never going to turn the lamp off. Ever. That's Number's job. And each of you joes are going to turn on a dark lamp and make it bright exactly ONCE in your life. Just ONCE. No more, no less. If you can count up to 1, you can do this. Numbers has to count to 100, and I know he can handle that. And we'll all be out of here eventually."
Essentially the prisoners have to come up with some programs for themselves. They become little finite state machines with an unlimited number of internal states, one input bit, and one output bit. Then the jailer picks one prisoner at a time, randomly, and lets the prisoner run his state machine.
First I noticed that there aren't enough different truth tables for 100 prisoners, which led me to think about the state machines.
Then I looked around for some kind of protocol where prisoner #1 could signal that he had rendez-voused with the lightbulb, and then hand off a notional "token" to prisoner #2, and so on for 100 prisoners, eventually to make a token ring. That wasn't working out very well. I got up to 4 prisoners that way, and I wasn't coming up with a general mechanism.
Then I thought: okay, try client-server, make one prisoner the "boss" with one program, and 99 other prisoners are "drones" with a second program.
That worked out pretty well!
The next problem is communicating the strategy to the prisoners:
"Okay, all you mugs, listen to me, because I was a smart guy on the outside!"
"You, KILLER, you are the BOSS. It's your job to keep the count. Whenever you go in that room -- if the lamp is on, you turn it off, and you make another tally mark on your roster. If the lamp is off, you leave it off. When you get to 99 tally marks, you tell the warden that everyone's been in there, and we can all go".
"All the rest of you joes, listen up. If you go in the room, and the lamp is off, you turn it on -- but ONLY ONCE. JUST ONCE. After you do that, you never touch the lamp again. Ever. I don't care how many times you go in the room."
"All you joes -- if the lamp is already on, don't touch it. Leave it on. That just means that someone else turned it on and Killer here hasn't seen it yet. If the lamp is off, and you touched it before, leave it the hell off! Cause if you turn it on again, Killer's count is gonna get messed up, and we're all going to die."
"Killer, you got pencil and paper? Good. Maybe you want to tell Numbers here to do the counting instead? It doesn't matter who does it, as long as we all agree RIGHT NOW who's going to keep the count. Because if you blow the count -- either we are going to be waiting here forever, or you are going to pipe to the warden too soon and we'll all fry."
"Any questions?"
(One of my buddies has to be pre-arranged to ask this): "Yeah! What if I go in the room and the light's already on? What do I do?"
"Answer: you do nothing! You turn around and walk out! If you haven't turned on the light for yourself yet -- this doesn't count."
Q: What if I turned on the light and the jailer calls me back and it's still on?
A: "Same as above
Then we train the guys using a couple of decks of playing cards, and a lamp, so they can see how it works.
"So there's a programmer writing some code, in C. That programmer needs to use a buffer to store some data. How does the programmer write the code such that an unexpectedly large amount of data doesn't overwrite the stack and result in a remote root exploit?"
THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)
By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25
Is das nicht ein early post? Ja! Das ist mein early post!
Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost? Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das post at minus one? Ja! Das ist at minus one!
Is das trolling so much fun? Ja! Das trolling is so fun!
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein big crapflood? Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!
Is it worthless Linux FUD? Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel? Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!
Is dis nicht his manchode meal? Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll? Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!
Is das nicht ein Goatse hole? Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys? Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!
Und are they not Taco's sex toys? Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!
Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys, WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,
CowBoiKneel, manchode meal, Big crapflood, Linux FUD,
Minus one, trolling fun, Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Slashdot sucks!
Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread? Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!
Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD? Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!
Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD! Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,
WIPO Troll, Goatse hole, CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,
Big crapflood, Linux FUD, Minus one, trolling fun,
Early post, Goatse ghost,
Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene, Oh, du schoene,
Slashdot sucks!
____________________
Change Log:
* Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
* Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
* Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?
(C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
dzgeetWKqw Post #667
OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS
By Serial Troller
Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.
Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.
Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.
Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.
Myth: Open Source is multicultural.
Fact: Open Source is openly racist.
Myth: Open Source is democratic.
Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source supports terrorism.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.
Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.
Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.
Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.
Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
Myth: Open Source programming is a harlmess, healthy activity.
Fact: Open Source programming has been known to lead to massive obesity, violent tendencies with an obsession with handguns, paranoid-delusional ranting, and in severe cases, complete insanity. If anyone you know is thinking about going Open Source, stop them before its too late!
* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *
____________________
2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.
- posted by poopbot: because even your grandmother can use lunix
oWjFBOcZf0 Post #668
THE OFFICIAL TACO-SNOTTING FAQ [slashdot.org]
:) Join me in a WIPO-snot?
By J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org], $Revision: 1.16 $
[This article attempts to document a vile, ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community, a practice known as âoeTaco-snotting,â or simply âoesnotting.â Taco-snotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation, but it is nonetheless a widely-practiced and dangerous form of homosexuality. If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Taco-snotting, please get professional help [adequacy.org] before it is too late. â"ed.]
Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself âoeCmdrTacoâ?
You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda [cmdrtaco.net], owner of the popular technology website slashdot.org [slashdot.org]. Actually, itâ(TM)s not a very âoepopularâ site in the common sense of the word; the site is rife with pimply, antisocial geeks and hackers, zit-faced nerds, communists, dirty GNU hippies [yahoo.com], and other societal rejects and outcasts. Itâ(TM)s also home to one of the worldâ(TM)s largest suspected pædophile rings, the infamous âoeSlashdot crew.â
Whenever Mr. Malda gets bored (and who wouldnâ(TM)t, running a site like Slashdot all day), he roams through the user database, penis in hand, looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him. How he determines this is anyoneâ(TM)s guess; but if you have a homosexual-sounding nickname, or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it, youâ(TM)re a potential candidate.
This time, he found you. Lucky you.
Mr. Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code. Do you know what it means?
CmdrTacoâ(TM)s code language is relatively easy to decipher. This pervert prefers to speak in thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (yes, thatâ(TM)s right: he wants you) to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotâ(TM)s parent corporation, VA Software [yahoo.com]. Mr. Maldaâ(TM)s âoeCommanderâ is, of course, his penis: a small, withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaâ(TM)s own lubed-up right hand. His âoeTaco bells [sonymusic.com]â are the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander, and his âoeTaco sauceâ is his thin, runny semen. It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to âoering his Taco bellsâ or âoetaste his gourmet Taco sauce.â
I would also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as âoeTaco-snottingâ and, if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time, a âoecircle-snot.â
Good Lord. And, yes, he did. What is âoeTaco-snottingâ?
âoeTaco-snottingâ is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man (homo- or heterosexual; CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims), then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim. Naturally, a long, bubbly stream of milky-white semen is left on CmdrTacoâ(TM)s face [go.com], dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek: hence the term, âoeTaco-snotting.â
And if thatâ(TM)s not bad enoughâ¦
A âoecircle-snotâ is a Taco-snotting circle-jerk, another practice common among the Slashdot crew [bastardgenres.com]. CmdrTaco, CowboiKneel [aol.com], and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey, sticky cum â" spooging their jizz-snot all over each otherâ(TM)s faces and pasty, white bodies, until theyâ(TM)re covered head to toe with their own and each otherâ(TM)s man juice. This vile, ungodly ritual can go on for hours. For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay, Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant; he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to go.
To complete this perverted orgy, fellow faggots Michael, Timothy, and Jamie will usually join in, dressed in tight leather mock-S.S. uniforms, jack boots, and leather gloves. The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description. The whole group begins to snot each otherâ(TM)s spunk and whip each otherâ(TM)s pudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale, white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate, homosexual revelry.
Ewwwwww. So, can I stop receiving these emails?
Hopefully, but I wouldnâ(TM)t count on it.
To begin with, you most likely forgot to uncheck the âoeWilling to Snotâ checkbox in your account preferences. CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad (do you have a homosexual-sounding nick?), and heâ(TM)s probably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera, some tissues and lube, just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch. Thereâ(TM)s no escaping a geek in heat (trust me), so itâ(TM)s probably too late for you, but you can possibly rectify this situation. To remove yourself from CmdrTacoâ(TM)s sights, log into your Slashdot account, go to your user page, click on Messages, and uncheck the box next to âoeWilling to Snot.â Maybe heâ(TM)ll ignore you. Probably not.
I canâ(TM)t stop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco!?
If you indulge him in a Taco-snot or two, hemight leave you alone. You might also want to look into mail filtering, restraining orders, or purchasing a heavy, blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat. Trust me, when they charge⦠oh, the humanity. If he gets you, and you let him Taco-snot all over you, you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life (or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circle-snot).
Have you ever been Taco-snotted?
Unfortunately, yes. I first met Mr. Malda at an Open Source Convention [amazon.com]. He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some âoegourmet Tacos,â but when I got there, the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed, stripping me. After taking his âoeCommanderâ out of his pants, Mr. Taco made me suck the withered thing six times, virtually nonstop. He then performed his vile Taco-snotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours, bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty, mind-numbing orgasm⦠then he snotted my own thick, gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils! He snotted me two more times, first into my mouth, then again on my exposed belly.
CmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source (or rather, âoeOpen Sauceâ â" man sauce) buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest. European hacker and known überfaggot Linux Torvalds raped my ass [yahoo.com] with his âoemonolithic kernel [yahoo.com];â his partner-in-crime Anal Cox used their âoenetwork stackâ in a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless, tender, young body. Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform, caning my previously-virginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about âoeall those Censorware [spectacle.org] freaks out to get him.â
That is so disgusting! How did you finally escape?
After about 16 hours of countless unholy, homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body, they all finally went to sleep on top of me, sweat-soaked and exhausted. I was left there, completely covered in bubbly, translucent jizz-snot, chained to the bed, with half a dozen fat, pasty-white fags lying around and on top of me. Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant â" I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door (of the apartment, not their back doors). Iâ(TM)m just glad I survived the awful ordeal. These sexually-repressed hackers had alot of built-up spunk in their wads â" I couldâ(TM)ve easily been drowned!
Thatâ(TM)s horrible. Does âoeTaco-snottingâ have anything to do with CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ?
No, thatâ(TM)s a different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in. Mr. Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face, he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games. WeatherTroll [slashdot.org] has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership [slashdot.org] about this vile practice (emphasis added):
You may be wondering what CmdrTacoâ(TM)s âoespecial tacoâ is. You will be wishing that you hadnâ(TM)t been wondering after you finish reading this post. To make his âoespecial taco,â CmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it. He then adds lettuce, takes out his tiny withered dick (otherwise known as his âoeCommanderâ), puts his âoespecial taco sauceâ on it which means he jacks off on the taco, and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious. Of course, the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten. Thus CmdrTaco force-feeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim. After all, who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacoâ(TM)s jizz?
After the victim is unconscious, he is held against his will and used for CmdrTacoâ(TM)s nefarious homosexual purposes. This includes shoving taco shells up the victimâ(TM)s ass, Taco-snotting, and getting Jon Katz involved. Trust me, you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body. Also, rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatse.cx guy [goatse.cx]. Donâ(TM)t let it be you!
Different ungodly perversion, yet no less revolting. It should be clear to you now that Robert âoeCmdrTacoâ Malda is a very, very sick individual, as are most of the Slashdot editors.
Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this? I thought he was a pædophile, not a homosexual.
Actually, Jon Katz is a homosexual pædophile. Heâ(TM)s also a coprophiliac, and, many suspect, a zoophile. Mr. Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesnâ(TM)t involve himself in the circle-snots, but that doesâ(TM)t mean heâ(TM)s any less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew. Katz often engages in a game called âoejuicy-douching [aol.com]â with a harem of little-boy slaves that he has collected over the years: yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyâ(TM)s urine (forced out of them with a pair of pincers), spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag, then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boyâ(TM)s chained, naked bodies. If heâ(TM)s in the mood, he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass [microsoft.com] onto the crying, terrified boys. Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr. Katz to juicy-douche them at will. A boy will usually last about two years before Mr. Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old, usually around 13 or 14.
Not content with being a pædophilic coprophile, Mr. Katz is also quite the zoophile. As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenâ(TM)t enough, Jon usually enjoys his juicy-douches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatâ(TM)s anus [yahoo.com]. He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatâ(TM)s small, bean-like turds, and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them.
â¦Are you getting hard writing this?
Why, yes.
No, thanks. Iâ(TM)m already CmdrTacoâ(TM)s boi toi.
________________________________________
* The URL of this document is
* Previous revisions are publicly available at
$Id: tacosnotting.html,v 1.16 2001/12/28 21:20:03 wipo Exp $
Copyright © 2001 J. Wipo Troll, Esq. [slashdot.org] Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium, provided this copyright notice is preserved, and next time you take a dump, you think of the WIPO Troll and all heâ(TM)s done to make Slashdot a better place.
- posted by poopbot: who doesn't like scat?
NZZD9bZtI3 Post #669
[ed. note: in the following text, former FreeBSD developer Mike Smith gives his reasons for abandoning FreeBSD]
When I stood for election to the FreeBSD core team nearly two years ago, many of you will recall that it was after a long series of debates during which I maintained that too much organisation, too many rules and too much formality would be a bad thing for the project.
Today, as I read the latest discussions on the future of the FreeBSD project, I see the same problem; a few new faces and many of the old going over the same tired arguments and suggesting variations on the same worthless schemes. Frankly I'm sick of it.
FreeBSD used to be fun. It used to be about doing things the right way. It used to be something that you could sink your teeth into when the mundane chores of programming for a living got you down. It was something cool and exciting; a way to spend your spare time on an endeavour you loved that was at the same time wholesome and worthwhile.
It's not anymore. It's about bylaws and committees and reports and milestones, telling others what to do and doing what you're told. It's about who can rant the longest or shout the loudest or mislead the most people into a bloc in order to legitimise doing what they think is best. Individuals notwithstanding, the project as a whole has lost track of where it's going, and has instead become obsessed with process and mechanics.
So I'm leaving core. I don't want to feel like I should be "doing something" about a project that has lost interest in having something done for it. I don't have the energy to fight what has clearly become a losing battle; I have a life to live and a job to keep, and I won't achieve any of the goals I personally consider worthwhile if I remain obligated to care for the project.
Discussion
I'm sure that I've offended some people already; I'm sure that by the time I'm done here, I'll have offended more. If you feel a need to play to the crowd in your replies rather than make a sincere effort to address the problems I'm discussing here, please do us the courtesy of playing your politics openly.
From a technical perspective, the project faces a set of challenges that significantly outstrips our ability to deliver. Some of the resources that we need to address these challenges are tied up in the fruitless metadiscussions that have raged since we made the mistake of electing officers. Others have left in disgust, or been driven out by the culture of abuse and distraction that has grown up since then. More may well remain available to recruitment, but while the project is busy infighting our chances for successful outreach are sorely diminished.
There's no simple solution to this. For the project to move forward, one or the other of the warring philosophies must win out; either the project returns to its laid-back roots and gets on with the work, or it transforms into a super-organised engineering project and executes a brilliant plan to deliver what, ultimately, we all know we want.
Whatever path is chosen, whatever balance is struck, the choosing and the striking are the important parts. The current indecision and endless conflict are incompatible with any sort of progress.
Trying to dissect the above is far beyond the scope of any parting shot, no matter how distended. All I can really ask of you all is to let go of the minutiae for a moment and take a look at the big picture. What is the ultimate goal here? How can we get there with as little overhead as possible? How would you like to be treated by your fellow travellers?
Shouts
To the Slashdot "BSD is dying" crowd - big deal. Death is part of the cycle; take a look at your soft, pallid bodies and consider that right this very moment, parts of you are dying. See? It's not so bad.
To the bulk of the FreeBSD committerbase and the developer community at large - keep your eyes on the real goals. It's when you get distracted by the politickers that they sideline you. The tireless work that you perform keeping the system clean and building is what provides the platform for the obsessives and the prima donnas to have their moments in the sun. In the end, we need you all; in order to go forwards we must first avoid going backwards.
To the paranoid conspiracy theorists - yes, I work for Apple too. No, my resignation wasn't on Steve's direct orders, or in any way related to work I'm doing, may do, may not do, or indeed what was in the tea I had at lunchtime today. It's about real problems that the project faces, real problems that the project has brought upon itself. You can't escape them by inventing excuses about outside influence, the problem stems from within.
To the politically obsessed - give it a break, if you can. No, the project isn't a lemonade stand anymore, but it's not a world-spanning corporate juggernaut either and some of the more grandiose visions going around are in need of a solid dose of reality. Keep it simple, stupid.
To the grandstanders, the prima donnas, and anyone that thinks that they can hold the project to ransom for their own agenda - give it a break, if you can. When the current core were elected, we took a conscious stand against vigorous sanctions, and some of you have exploited that. A new core is going to have to decide whether to repeat this mistake or get tough. I hope they learn from our errors.
Future
I started work on FreeBSD because it was fun. If I'm going to continue, it has to be fun again. There are things I still feel obligated to do, and with any luck I'll find the time to meet those obligations.
However I don't feel an obligation to get involved in the political mess the project is in right now. I tried, I burnt out. I don't feel that my efforts were worthwhile. So I won't be standing for election, I won't be shouting from the sidelines, and I probably won't vote in the next round of ballots.
You could say I'm packing up my toys. I'm not going home just yet, but I'm not going to play unless you can work out how to make the project somewhere fun to be again.
= Mike
--
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
mRH8Rdc20l Post #670
Credits: anonymous
"Mmmm... this feels good..." I sighed.
"Shhh!" hissed Hemos. "We don't want Mark to come in here!"
True. Having Hemos's 16 year-old brother walk in on us at that moment would not be good. I didn't think he'd be too cool with finding his 12 year-old brother lying naked with me, holding my 11 year-old dick in his hands. But, in all fairness, my hands were eagerly playing with Hemos's dick and balls at that moment, too.
Hemos's mom and dad had gone to the drive-in, leaving his big brother in charge. In our favor, leaving Mark in charge pretty much guaranteed that we weren't to bother him, and in turn, he'd leave us alone unless we were making too much noise or breaking something. Well, we were being careful to keep quiet because we very much wanted to be left alone.
We were in Hemos's twin bed, snuggled under the covers with our underwear pushed down to the foot of the bed. The only illumination in the room came from the faint sliver of light that crept in under his bedroom door. Even in the shadows I could make out the shape of my friend; about my height, but heavier. (Hell, I was such a skinny runt that everyone was heavier than me.) Hemos had a crew-cut of white-blonde hair, and was only starting to sprout some pubic hair. But, you had to feel for it because what little pubic hair he possessed was as blonde as the short hair on his hea and could not yet be seen by even a minimal distance.
And, I was happily feeling for it, running my hands all over Hemos's slightly larger erection and fondling his larger testicles while he courteously stroked my dick. I could tell that he didn't possess the same enthusiasm for cockplay as I did, unless you count his appreciation for the attention devoted to his member. And I knew that my willingness to satisfy his sexual urges was one of the few reasons he even had me sleep over at his place. But, I didn't let that stop me from finding pleasure in the handling of his meat.
I'd recently had an "introduction", of sorts, to seeing what someone could do with a man's dick with their mouth. While spending the night with my Uncle Jerry a couple weeks before, while I watched in secret, I was treated to a visual display of the intensity and unabashed pleasure that my uncle had obviously enjoyed having another man suck on his cock. From that moment on, I had a yearning that I needed to satisfy. With who was my only question.
I guess it was time to find out.
"I... heard that sucking on it feels even better than playing with it." I ventured.
In the darkness, I could feel a slight jerk of revulsion in Hemos's body.
"Put a dick in your mouth?" he croaked.
"Well, " I countered, my heart pounding with anxiety, "I think adults do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not gonna do it!" Hemos hissed. "That's homo stuff!"
"Yeah." I sighed disappointedly, while still playing with Hemos's dick. "I guess it is."
As I stroked his shaft in a steadier, milking rhythm, I could sense Hemos's breaths getting quicker. His manipulations of my dick began to falter as I could feel his body tense beside me. His hips rocked slightly in time with my pumping of his cock, and I cradled his balls tenderly in my other hand. When any attentions to my own dick has completely ebbed, I knew what was about to happen, so I picked up the pace just a bit more while lending a touch more pressure in my grip. Finally, Hemos's breath caught in his throat, and he turned his face fully into his pillow to stifle the moans that broke free as his cock pulsed and throbbed in a dry orgasm within my hands. I continued to massage him and didn't release him from my grasp until his member had gone fully soft.
"Man," sighed Hemos dreamily after finally catching his breath. "You are so good at that, CmdrTaco."
At least I had something to be proud of, I guess, as my friend gently withdrew himself from me and rolled onto his back.
Even though I was only eleven, the irony of Hemos's words and actions were not lost on me. My sucking on him would have been a "homo" thing, but beating him off was okay. Go figure. Within the few moments I had spent mulling over the irony of the thoughts, Hemos had drifted off to sleep. I slipped out from under the covers and down to the cool floor so I could masturbate without shaking the bed. As I toyed with my own dick, I imagined Hemos's cock in my mouth, wondering if the chance would ever really come. Finally, my own climax washed over me, and I got back into the bed.
I don't sleep real well to begin with, and even worse when I'm not in my own bed. And now, with the thoughts of a dick so close to me, as well as the vivid memories of secretly seeing man-to-man cocksucking pleasure floating through my prepubescent, sex-filled brain, I was not about to fall asleep anytime soon. Lying awake until around 11:30, I finally decided that I needed to do something to satisfy my hungers, or I'd never be able to let it rest. The trick was in finding the guts to follow through.
I knew that whenever Hemos fell asleep, he pretty much stayed asleep. So, since he was sleeping soundly, lying on his back, I took a deep breath and gingerly ducked my head under the covers and scooted down as much as I could to the foot of the bed. That put my head right at Hemos's hip level. I raised my head and upper body to help create a tent over his crotch. Sniffing around, I found the faint scent of young penis flesh. I inhaled deeply, both in the love of the scent, and in an attempt to slow my pounding heart. I opened my mouth wide over the area where I sensed Hemos's dick to be, and lowered my mouth squarely over his soft cock and balls until I could feel his sparse pubic hairs tickling my cheek. I finally had a dick in my mouth! I just wasn't sure what I'd do if Hemos woke to find his "homo" friend in this situation.
I remained like that for a long moment, partially in fear of trying anything more, and partly to savor the moment. I carefully let my tongue start to explore his tender penile flesh, enjoying the texture. Then came the excitement that welled within me as his cock began to respond to my attentions and harden in my warm and wet mouth! Butterflies seemed to explode in my stomach and drown out my heartbeat as I felt his dick get to its full size in my mouth. Concentrating in that dark environment, I found myself beginning to identify the shape of his member by taste. The shaft actually seemed to taste different than the head, and the thin skin of his scrotum seemed to harbor another distinct flavor.
I started to softly suck on Hemos's dick, becoming fascinated at how it just seemed to, well, 'fit' in my mouth... how the head lent itself to the back of my tongue, and how the shaft rested between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. My excitement was so great that my own recently satisfied dick was responding again, inviting me to play. I was sucking a cock, and I was in heaven!
However, within seconds, Hemos seemed to get restless. In fear, I quickly pulled my mouth away from Hemos's candy stick and held still. The covers rustled, and pulled back.
"Whatcha doin'?" mumbled Hemos.
"I... uh... was trying to find my shorts down here," I lied, starting to fumble near our feet. Well, partial lie, because it was a good idea to do so, anyway, and now was as good a time as any.
"Oh, yeah," said Hemos. "Get mine, too, willya?"
"S-sure" I stammered, relieved.
I located the two items of clothing and scooted back up towards the head of the bed. Thankfully, our underwear were pretty easy to distinguish since Hemos wore boxers, and I wore briefs. We both fumbled to put them on in the dark, and then settled back into the bed. I lay stiffly on my back, still harboring some fear that my friend discovered more than he let on, but Hemos simply rolled onto his side, facing away from me, and promptly went back to sleep.
And, here I was again, so close to my fantasies, yet still so far.
And very much awake.
After hearing the clock in the hallway chime midnight, I finally got up to go to the bathroom. Figuring it was late enough not to be an issue, and since even if Hemos's parents were home that they would be in their own bedroom downstairs, I didn't bother to slip on my pants for the short trip down the hall. I walked softly to the bedroom door, and then stepped out into the hallway, illuminated dimly by a bare-bulb night light. I walked past big brother Mark's door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and turned on the light as I shut the door.
Peeing into the toilet, I looked up at my reflection in the large mirror and smiled slyly to myself. I actually sucked on a dick, even if for only a moment! At that moment I was Rob Maldo, secret agent double-O-seven, who could sneak in and suck a dick, and sneak away without being caught!
I flushed the toilet and switched out the light as I headed back down the hall. Slipping past Mark's door once again, the door flew open, and a hand covered my mouth while a muscular arm snapped around my waist and drew me into the room. Squirming in the arms of Hemos's athletic older brother was a waste of effort, and he only squeezed harder until I settled down.
"You'll keep quiet if you know what's good for you,' growled Mark into my ear. "You gonna be quiet?"
I nodded. Mark let go of my mouth and reached over to close his bedroom door, the other hand and arm still holding me firmly with my feet off the ground. I heard something click, and recalled, and not without a certain amount of childish fear, that Mark had a lock on his door.
The room had a yellowish glow from the large lava lamp next to Mark's bed. He took me over to the bed and tossed me face down onto it, kneeling next to me. I thought briefly about trying to get up and run, but to where?
When I felt Mark's hands on me again, I was determined to fight him off, but I was no match for him as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me, sitting squarely on my upper chest, his knees pinning my shoulders and my arms locked between his legs. I gazed up at his lean, muscled torso, his stern blue eyes under a tussled mane of reddish-blonde hair. I could feel the soft fabric of his boxers against my chin.
"Can't get up, can ya?" he said, grinning down at me, all snide and victorious.
I struggled a bit, more out of obligation, but knew it was no use. Mark was just too big for me.
"Whatsamatter?" huffed Mark. "You too weak to fight? Or, maybe you just like laying there, sniffing dicks?"
I started squirming a bit harder, but Mark's legs only clamped tighter. At least he had scooted down a bit, and was no longer suffocating me with his weight on my chest.
"Yeah! Maybe you're a homo-boy who just likes sniffing dicks. Maybe you wanna sniff my big dick?"
I didn't care for where this was going, and I wasn't too comfortable with the tone of Mark's voice. But, I was also not being given much of a choice in the matter. Especially when Mark reached into the fly of his boxers and pulled out his cock.
"Here you are, homo-boy... a nice, fresh big-man dick!" grinned Mark fiendishly. "Ain't it a beaut?"
He held it out for me, then leaned forward and started to rub his cock on my face, tracing my cheeks and nose with the bulbous head. His testicles soon followed his dick through the opening, until they were dangling on my chin, the coarse pubes tickling my lips. Their faint musky scent began to fill my nostrils.
"CmdrTaco's just a little dick-faced homo-boy, ain't he?" sneered Mark, sliding his cock across my face. "I saw you in there, your head under the covers. What were you doing? Giving my little brother a blow job?"
I didn't answer. I was at once shocked at the thought of having been discovered, and confused by Mark's remark. I then guessed that he meant sucking a dick was called a 'blow job'. But... you're not blowing, you're sucking, and-
"You were, weren't you, you little homo!"
It was obvious what had happened; that Mark had looked in on us to find my head under the blankets. I thought I had sensed a miniscule change in the light, but assumed that to be part of my excitement. That must have been what woke Hemos up so suddenly.
"So, maybe you aren't just dick-faced, " he said, rubbing his cock on my face again. "Maybe you're a dick sucker!" He leaned forward, mashing his hairy ball sack into my nose, then pulling back to trace my features again with his member. But, even as Mark taunted me, treating his cock as a threatening weapon, there was something else happening.
He was getting a boner.
And as I closed my eyes, I could feel his cock thickening against my face. I could sense the heat of his hardening dick directly on my flesh. And, I found I was enjoying the sensations of this older cock against my face. There would soon be no way of hiding the fact that I was getting excited, too.
"So, dick-sucker-CmdrTaco... you're gonna suck my dick, now."
My eyes sprung open to see Mark's fully erect cock pointing at my face. While it wasn't huge (I had already seen 'huge' with my Uncle Jerry), it was still big enough to scare me.
And excite me to no end.
"Open wide, homo-boy."
Without another moment of hesitation, or taking my eyes off of Mark's sleek tool, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and watched as he leaned down and slid that beautiful cock into my waiting mouth. I then settled my tongue against the bottom half of his shaft while I could feel the upper half press against the roof of my mouth. Its texture was soft, yet hard; smooth, yet distinct.
"There," he sighed. "Now, you have a real dick to suck on. Now, get started, suck-boy!"
It was so much bigger than Hemos's young dick, I wasn't sure if I could get enough suction worked up to suck on it. It was then that I found out what sucking a cock is really all about: friction.
Mark held the base of his dick to guide himself and started to pump into my mouth, sliding his dick in and out of my salivating lips. He would slip in precariously between my teeth until he was near to choke me, then pull back out until the base of the bulbous head was just close to popping free from my lips, held in place by the suction of my mouth. Then he... we... would do it all over again... over and over... and gloriously over again.
"Oh, you are good, CmdrTaco," he moaned softly. "You suck cock real good."
I don't know about that; it seemed he was doing all the real work. But, I wanted it to be good. I wanted to have this dick in my mouth. And I wanted it again and again. I was definitely enjoying the oral sensations as his near-adult dick worked back and forth in my hungry mouth, and I wanted so much to please him so he would want my mouth again.
Mark placed his other hand on the top of my head to steady me as his thrusts became a little more erratic. His breath quickened, and I could sense that he was trying hard not to ram himself all the way down my throat and choke me. He was making little grunts with each thrust, and I could feel his dick turn to stone in my mouth when, in a mix of fear and excitement, I suddenly recalled what would happen next.
"Oh, baby... oh, fuck..."
Mark's movements got all quick and jerky. I was almost afraid to breathe.
"OHHHH!!!" he moaned, pulling out of my mouth and letting loose with a burst of white goo that seemed to splatter all over as he pumped his dick with his fist. My head still held firmly in his other hand, the warm liquid flew partly into my still open mouth, and all over my nose and eyebrows. I swallowed briefly, not sure whether to gag or hope for more, tasting fully the salty and musky liquid, then opened my mouth once more as Mark stuck his creaming cock back in and worked the thick fluid throughout my young mouth.
I sucked until Mark went soft and withdrew his spent dick. He smiled down at me, obviously proud of what he had done. He finally got off of me (good thing since I thought my arms were going to fall off) and stood there for a moment, an interesting picture with his hands on his hips, and his drained cock and balls hanging out of the fly of his plaid boxers. I just lay there with his juices clinging to my skin, wanting to do it all over again.
Mark bent down and picked up a t-shirt, and proceeded to wipe the remainder of his goo off my face. Finished with that, he tossed the shirt into a hamper and walked over to his bedroom door to unlock it as he tucked his manhood back into his underwear.
"You better get back into Hemos's bed before mom and dad find you here," he said softly.
I reluctantly got off Mark's bed and walked to the door. As I was about to exit, he reached out to stop me briefly.
"You liked that, didn't you, homo-boy?"
I nodded, not sure where he was going with this inquiry.
"Your first taste of cum?"
I shrugged, then nodded again.
"If you're good, maybe I'll let you suck my dick again some time, CmdrTaco. Now, get your ass out of here before I kick it."
I stepped out of the room and felt the door close harshly behind me. I could still taste traces of Mark's cum in my mouth, could still sense the friction of his cock on my tongue. I smiled in remembrance.
I was hooked.
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
PEeUZ31QCK Post #671
Because the holes are round.
I mean, really, any other shape wouldn't fit...
*ducking*
My video compression blog
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* SPOILER *
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* SPOILER *
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* SPOILER *
The rule is: Turn on the light if it's off, unless you've already done this once, in which case, do nothing.
The day all 100 of you meet, designate one person to turn off the light. Have them count each light they turn off. When they reach 100, they will know everyone else has been out already, and can safely demand their freedom.
(Of course, assuming the warden really does pick someone at random, he could pick the same person every day, forever. Or not pick one person, every day, forever. Either way, there's no guarantee you're ever getting out.)
He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense.
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered trolling community when recently Slashdot confirmed that, after several changes were made to production Slashcode, wide posts account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all Slashdot posts. Coming on the heels of the latest verions of IE which make page-widening more difficult, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. the wide posts that we love are collapsing into the narrow posts that we are used to, as further exemplified by the lack of Slashbots complaining about difficulty reading Slashdot's articles.
You don't need to be a Klerck to predict PWP's future. The hand writing is on the wall: PWP faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for PWP because PWP is dying. Things are looking very bad for PWP. As many of us are already aware, PWP continues to be defeated by users with thresholds of 1 or higher. Mod points flow like a river of blood. Klerck's PWP-bot posts are the most endangered of them all, having been filtered early on because of their uniformity.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
PWP leader Klerck states that there are 7 wide posts in the average Slashdot article. How many non-wide crapflood posts are there? Let's see. The number of crapflood versus wide posts on Slahdot is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7*5 = 35 non-wide crapflood posts in every Slashdot article. Tacosnotting posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of crapflood posts. Therefore there are about 17 tacosnotting posts per article. A recent article put Goatse.cx trolls at about 80 percent of total troll posts. Therefore there are a hell of a lot of homosexual trolls. This is consistent with the number of Goatse.cx Slashdot posts.
But Slashdot is only part of the picture. Due to the troubles at Slashdot, negative revenue and so on, the site will soon go out of business and many users will flock to alternative weblogs, where PWP is almost completely unknown. Trollaxor.com, the popular troll hangout, is also dying, its corpse sodomized in yet another Greek bath house.
All major surveys show that PWP has steadily declined in the scope of all troll posts. PWP is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If PWP is to survive at all it will be among Blog faggot using outdated versions of Slashcode. PWP continues to decay. Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time. For all practical purposes, PWP is dead.
- posted by poopbot: news for turds, stuff that splatters
KQc9bAnZL4 Post #672
Credits: on by
Trolling your way on the web today
Takes everything you've got;
Having a Bot to post your comments
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to join the frey?
Sometimes you want to go
And get a First Post in your name,
So much goatse that you came;
We know it's hard to get Eff Pee,
Our troubles are all the same;
Get that FP and everyone'll know your name.
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
htLoM5Xp7w Post #673
You're a racecar driver on a one mile track. You drive one lap, averaging 30 mph. How fast do you have to average on the second lap to get a total average speed of 60 mph over the two combined laps?
USian Pie
A long, long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe I'd be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus they'd deliver DoS scripts couldn't stop it They scored them all "Offtopic" I know that it's cheap crack they smoke And meta-moderation's broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
Bye, bye, MEEPTy, OOG, and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a *sigh*
Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified? What became of girls petrified?
--
Did you write a bunch of Perl? And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall? Can you believe these lame-ass polls? Do you post big stretched-out assholes? Can you make the goatse.cx link not show? Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up? The bots don't have a clue. Man, I dig those trolls from Shoe! I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat T-shirt and a Free Beer gut
Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
It's been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to all-time lows But that's not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdot's host "Crack Slashdot? That's absurd!" Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin....
-- Chorus --
10 grams. Inchfan. Didn't log out. Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon, man
You can't hide if you aren't AC Your bud (George here) tried BSD A dead Streetlawyer's tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned "liberals suck" The moon does not exist It's just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died? We started singin....
-- Chorus --
Oh and then we were wearing out "All your base" And started posting monospace
The better for our penis birds So come on, be a zealot, be a dick You don't think Anne Marie's a chick? Because lying's all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isn't free Slow down, cowboy! The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they can't censor all the time The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said, "That's old. Get over it." And with all the courage I could muster "Imagine what a Beowulf cluster...." But it wasn't worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyone's moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted
The three sites I don't see for weeks Segfault, kernel, Comp-u-geek Code is not art. This ain't Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died
-- Chorus --
- posted by poopbot: for all your crapflooding needs
nxL5GZXf2V Post #674
What's a wheel's favorite song?
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Merrily We Roll Along
Source: A popsicle stick
Some answers from the hard section:
.2 with an average payoff of $5. That means that the probability of getting a face card is .8 with a payoff of 11.5. Using more precise figures, i.e. not .2 and .8, the average payoff is about 10.0857 (706/70)
Criminal cupbearers:
Let's assume we only have 10 prisoners and that they each drink from up to 512 bottles. Number the bottles from 0 to 999. Prisoner 9 samples 0 to 511. Prisoner 8 samples 0 to 255 and 512 to 999. Prisoner 7 samples 0 to 127, 256 to 383, 512 to 639, etc. (prisoners alternating between sampling and not sampling blocks of wine in decreasing powers of 2 -- prisoner 0 drinks from every other bottle) Now line up the prisoners after onen month and treat corpses as ones and living prisoners as zeros and you have your answer in binary.
Mysterious Triangle area
Well, to make a long story short, they're not triangles.
100 Prisoners and a Lightbulb
Well if we assume they can all see the bulb every day, they can just toggle the bulb iff this is the first time they've been selected. If the last prisoner has counted the number of times the bulb has been toggled, he can assert that he is the last one to be selected.
Square Formation
Move the "notched" piece to teh righth of the current larger square and put the small square piece in the notch. put the larger of the triangular pieces at the top, horizontal edge of the new formation.
Calendar Cubes
I like this one. You need all the numbers from 0 through 9 plus 0 through 3. That's 14 faces. You will never need 00 though, so you can remove one of the 0s. Also, you will only ever need the 3 with 0 or 1, so you can remove it from one of the blocks. The solution: the numbers 1-6 on one block, and 7-9 and 0-2 on the other. Yeah it works.
Mystery Matrix
4. Entry from row plus Entry from row 2 plus 1 mod 10.
Fork in the road I
"is that the city you come from?" If the response is yes, go there, otherwise turn away.
Fork in the road II
Assume each person is standing on his respective road. "Is one of you a liar?" Yes means he's a truth teller, no means he's a liar.
Egg Dropping
18. Drop from the 10th, 20th, 30th, etc. After it breaks, go back 9 floors and start dropping every floor. You use 18 drops if it can drop from the 98th or 99th floors.
Greedy Pirates
It's not apparent to me that this is the intended answer, but "Throw pirates 3 and 4 overboard and divide up the rest between 1,2, and 5. Pirates 1 and 2 will agree to the largest share, and pirate 5 always has a say after that, since 3 and 4 can't agree to anything, so he's needed for the majority.
Hmm, well it's getting late so I'll just do one more:
Card Game
Bob takes any card over 9. The probability that none will show up is roughly
Am I the only one who thinks this interviewing technique is retarded?
Because Microsoft does something most definitely isn't a reason to emulate it. Microsoft isn't exactly known for producing well designed software, nor software that reuses proven patterns or algorithms that solved known problems 20 years ago. Better to hire a bunch of 21 year old college grads who can solve word problems from 8th grade algebra, and pretend that Microsoft invented computers! Whee.
When I hire developers I want them to be good developers, not promising young interns. My interview questions typically involve technology questions, process questions, some theoretical PROGRAMMING questions, and some social / communication questions. I'm not saying that hiring smart people is a bad idea, but ignoring skills and only looking at generic problem solving ability is a recipe for unbelievably bad code. It's like hiring musicians based on measured hearing sensitivity and reflexes. OK, maybe that matters if you want to figure out which 5 year old is going to be a prodigy, but hand them an instrument and the noise that comes out is going to sound like ASS.
Examples of things that "smart" developers I've worked with before have totally missed:
- the existence of more efficient data structures than arrays
- generalizing code into reusable chunks (functions, objects, whatever)
- regular expressions
- the difference between "client" and "server"
- the reason for using descriptive variable names
- collection libraries with built in sorting ("whatcha workin' on?" / "coding up a quicksort algorithm" / "in a J2EE app!?!?")
You can't just get this from reading a book, either, although that definitely helps. You have to have some degree of EXPERIENCE too: at least a few projects, and some awareness of things like performance tuning, security, coding for maintainability, etc.
I would use these "tech interview questions" only for hiring interns or recent college grads where the expectation is zero experience, zero clue, zero skill, and a correspondingly low salary. After all you're investing in someone. But for someone that commands a market rate developer salary in the high five figures, screw the brain teasers - just spend a couple of hours grilling them on skills, experience, discipline, etc. They will respect you big time in return because they know when you extend an offer that they won't be working with a bunch of dumb-asses who can get the explorers across the river without being eaten by the headhunters but who can't code their way out of a soggy paper bag.
This book by Adam Barr (available online here) talks about the Microsoft interview process and how the dynamic evolved, including some discussion on trick questions.
--------
Bleah! Heh heh heh... BLEAH BLEAH!!! Ha ha ha ha...
To the tune of "Without me", Eminem
Two penis bird guys go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside (2x)
Guess who's back [/] Back again [/] Sllort is back [/] Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back..
I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to read Michael no more
They want Sllort, cause Katz is a whore *duh* [/] Well if you want Sllort, this is what it'll get ya
A little bit of Troll mixed up with some professa [/] Don't mod this up they're just trying to test ya
It'll get you banned forever by the mastah [/] on the plantation, but I'm not co-operating
Been banned since 2000 for writing and creating (hey!) [/] You read it this far, now stop moderating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the keys and I'm operating [/] I know that you got a job Ms. Malda
but your husband's porn problem's complicating
So McCarthy won't let me be [/] he IP bans me, so let me see
They try to shut me down but I proxy [/] Cause it feels so empty, without me
So, clickety click, type where you sit
Fuck that, karma whorin dips, nobody gives a shit
Now get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
Just got a new list of proxies, FUCK YOU JAMIE!
[Chorus:]
Now this looks like a job for me [/] DOWN WITH CAPS LIKE JUNIS KANUNI
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
I said this looks like a job for me [/] So everybody, try honesty
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
Little Readers, posting defacement. [/] Embarrassed their parents still rent them their basement.
They get banned just like prisoners helpless [/] 'til someone posts truth in a journal and yells BULLSHIT!
A visionary, is my vision scary? [/] Could it start revolution, pollutin the stories?
A rebel, so just let me revel and gloat [/] in the fact that VA's stock price is looking like GOAT *zero!*
And it's a disaster, such a castastrophe [/] First posts are so fuckin expensive; but Katz is free?
Well I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na [/] *bzzt* Fix your damn DSL turn it on and then I'm gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a virus [/] Maybe I'm unkillable, dead like Osirus
Ya I'm infecting, best thing since commenting [/] Intriuging the reader's minds and nesting
*bzzt* Testing, attention please [/] You feel the rage when Michael mentions me?
Here's my journal, you can read it free [/] A nuisance? a prophet? Ya, sounds like me.
[Chorus]
A diskette, a task set, post this cid on that sid, [/] Ask Slashdot: Are You Sofa King We Todd Did?
Jonathon Katz, smokin crack mixed with grass [/] If I ever meet you I will KICK YOUR ASS
And Taco? You can get blown by Timothy [/] You eleven year old molesting fag, join the clergy
You don't know me, you're too dumb, let go [/] It's over, nobody listens to your show
Now let's go, suicide for Signal [/] I'll be there cheering like a cheerleader on speed
Or crystal, method to the masses [/] ever since Slashbots been babblin like jackasses *bray*
Suddenly without the means [/] To bring up the MetaModeration screen?
It's not the servers re-boot-ing [/] It's just you, banned by Slashteam! *hey*
No I wasn't aiming for controversy [/] It just happened when they first banned me
Now I use it to tell others [/] That Slashteam are a bunch of fuckers!
(Hey!) Here's a concept that works [/] Twenty million other people find out you're jerks
But no matter how much you alter what they see [/] It just looks empty without me
[Chorus]
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la / La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
- posted by poopbot: providing truth in a deceitful world
HP2yZP3fhG Post #675
Another good resource: the Princeton Mathclub
my other sig is a 500 page novel
As stated, Mastermind II is not possible.
Let's step through this logically. I will call the rows as numbered as in the puzzle and the positions as numbered left to right, leftmost being position #1. Thus, the ball at row 1, position 3 is the red one.
Comparing lines 1 and 2, we see three of the colors from one have been copied in two. Since there are two "pegs" (not counting black/white color yet) in 2, and one in 1, the new ball (yellow) must be triggering one of the pegs. Therefore, one ball in the solution is yellow. Also, therefore one of the three "copied" balls is triggering a peg, therefore the non-copied ball (red) is not in the solution.
Going on to three, line three states two of the balls are in the correct position. Since we know yellow is one of our balls, we now know the position of yellow in the solution (position 3).
Going back to line two, we now know the yellow ball is the one triggering the white peg (right color, wrong position). Therefore one of the other three balls is triggering the black peg (right color, right position). We have three choices: lt blue, dk blue, and green. It can't be dk blue because we know there's a green or a lt blue ball in the right position in line three...but it can't be green or lt blue because there's no shared positions between those two lines! Thereore, as stated, there is no solution to this puzzle.
Contests to this logic are welcomed.
--- "...And everybody died!!! Except for me, of course...you know why? Because I had my tray table up...and my seat ba
There's many possible answers, so how do I know if I've got the answer they want? He's in a heavily forested area, so grabbing a log and paddling out around the fire shouldn't be hard. Or he could dig a little moat, though that might not be too effective. So, is there some other, clever answer, I should look for, or am I done? Grrrrrrrrr!
"I am a cipher, a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce" -Jimmy James
Asking questions like this during an interview makes a mockery of the interview process, patronizes the candidate and is usually suggested by a career middle-manager seeking to assert their importance at the expense of the dignity of the candidate.
People's careers should not depend on the last five pages of a 99 cent brain teaser book.
The answer to all of them (in an interview) is "thanks for the coffee."
To the tune of "Without me", Eminem
Two penis bird guys go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside (2x)
Guess who's back [/] Back again [/] Sllort is back [/] Tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back..
I've created a monster, cause nobody wants to read Michael no more
They want Sllort, cause Katz is a whore *duh* [/] Well if you want Sllort, this is what it'll get ya
A little bit of Troll mixed up with some professa [/] Don't mod this up they're just trying to test ya
It'll get you banned forever by the mastah [/] on the plantation, but I'm not co-operating
Been banned since 2000 for writing and creating (hey!) [/] You read it this far, now stop moderating
Cause I'm back, I'm on the keys and I'm operating [/] I know that you got a job Ms. Malda
but your husband's porn problem's complicating
So McCarthy won't let me be [/] he IP bans me, so let me see
They try to shut me down but I proxy [/] Cause it feels so empty, without me
So, clickety click, type where you sit
Fuck that, karma whorin dips, nobody gives a shit
Now get ready, cause this shit's about to get heavy
Just got a new list of proxies, FUCK YOU JAMIE!
[Chorus:]
Now this looks like a job for me [/] DOWN WITH CAPS LIKE JUNIS KANUNI
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
I said this looks like a job for me [/] So everybody, try honesty
Cause we need a little, controversy [/] Cause it feels so empty to agree
Little Readers, posting defacement. [/] Embarrassed their parents still rent them their basement.
They get banned just like prisoners helpless [/] 'til someone posts truth in a journal and yells BULLSHIT!
A visionary, is my vision scary? [/] Could it start revolution, pollutin the stories?
A rebel, so just let me revel and gloat [/] in the fact that VA's stock price is looking like GOAT *zero!*
And it's a disaster, such a castastrophe [/] First posts are so fuckin expensive; but Katz is free?
Well I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na [/] *bzzt* Fix your damn DSL turn it on and then I'm gonna
enter in, in the front of your skin like a virus [/] Maybe I'm unkillable, dead like Osirus
Ya I'm infecting, best thing since commenting [/] Intriuging the reader's minds and nesting
*bzzt* Testing, attention please [/] You feel the rage when Michael mentions me?
Here's my journal, you can read it free [/] A nuisance? a prophet? Ya, sounds like me.
[Chorus]
A diskette, a task set, post this cid on that sid, [/] Ask Slashdot: Are You Sofa King We Todd Did?
Jonathon Katz, smokin crack mixed with grass [/] If I ever meet you I will KICK YOUR ASS
And Taco? You can get blown by Timothy [/] You eleven year old molesting fag, join the clergy
You don't know me, you're too dumb, let go [/] It's over, nobody listens to your show
Now let's go, suicide for Signal [/] I'll be there cheering like a cheerleader on speed
Or crystal, method to the masses [/] ever since Slashbots been babblin like jackasses *bray*
Suddenly without the means [/] To bring up the MetaModeration screen?
It's not the servers re-boot-ing [/] It's just you, banned by Slashteam! *hey*
No I wasn't aiming for controversy [/] It just happened when they first banned me
Now I use it to tell others [/] That Slashteam are a bunch of fuckers!
(Hey!) Here's a concept that works [/] Twenty million other people find out you're jerks
But no matter how much you alter what they see [/] It just looks empty without me
[Chorus]
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la / La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
- posted by poopbot: crapflooding since 7/8/02
mK66w2NgXd Post #676
I read a whole (very dull) book of Mastermind puzzles once.
I agree with your logic up to the point where yellow must be in position 3. Then you say: "we now know the yellow ball is the one triggering the white peg (right color, wrong position)". That is faulty mastermind logic. The solution could be "xxx YELLOW YELLOW xxx", which gives YELLOW a black peg for position 3, and no white pegs for YELLOW!
Continuing down this path, I solve it as: YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW LIGHTBLUE.
If you want some REAL hard math problems you can try here.
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Since you can't read the FAQ because you're banned, here's the relevant portion:
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Last Modified: 7/02/02
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Answered by: CmdrTaco
Last Modified: 3/26/02
- posted by poopbot: the bot formerly known as pwpbot
84MDVScwbl Post #677
I stand corrected. Thank you.
--- "...And everybody died!!! Except for me, of course...you know why? Because I had my tray table up...and my seat ba
Why are manholes round? Note: This is a famous Microsoft question. Yet amusingly, the Microsoft campus uses square manholes.
I would guess that the expected answer is that the circle is the only shape that won't fall through a hole the same shape but slightly smaller.
However, that's not the case. There are an infinite number of non-circular shapes with the same property. Anyone else know what they are?
Hmmmm ...
I printed it out and cut them up. It's late, but I'm just not getting it. Any hints?
It's under the hard difficulty.
The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. - Benjamin Franklin
Wasn't sure if this was on the site (I didn't see it), but I really like it... You are in a room w/ 3 on/off switches. There are three lightbulbs in another room. How do you tell which switch goes to which, entering the other room only once? (w/o looking at the wiring)
Really, this is on the website, under the "Micro$oft" section:
"y do u wanna work at Microsoft?"
Now there's a good riddle...
If an NT server crashes, but no-one is there to see the blue screen, then has it really crashed?
So if ^ is XOR, what is AND?
Yes, these questions look exactly what Microsoft optimizes for: employees who are really "smart" in a Mensa-sort-of-way. Too bad that programming isn't about being "smart", it's about craftsmanship, taste, engineering tradeoffs, tradition, experience, and long-term dedication. And, not surprisingly, those are areas where Microsoft is sadly lacking.
I was once asked in an interview the following question in order to assert my UNIX administration capabilities:
"Name a sendmail exploit, past or present and quote a line from '2001'."
Since with two condoms on the likelihood of both breaking is pretty high.
At least, the version I first read about 25 years ago was written with 1 battlefield surgeon, 3 patients, and 2 sets of gloves.
The surgeon version has the advantage that "don't do patient #3" is not an acceptable option.
Just have a co-ed circle jerk.
If it takes two men three and a half hours to build a brick wall, how long does it take twenty thousand men?
This site contains answers to many of the microsoft questions.
i ?a ction=topics&number=3
http://www.acetheinterview.com/cgi-bin/qanda.cg
i suppose the answer to many riddles is, look it up on google?
I had this one once:
A man walks one mile south, one mile east, one mile north, ends up at the same place he started. He shoots a bear at that place. What colour was the bear?
I don't. Is the interview over now? How did I get here? Did u kidnap me?
For more of this kind of thing, I recomend a book called The Chicken from Minsk. It has some pretty tough questions, and they are posed in such a way that they often make you giggle.
"The new wave is not value-added; it's garbage-subtracted" - Esther Dyson, Dec 1994
Love that quote.
Split one condom down the middle and cut into two pieces. Use them as dental dams to have oral sex with two women while wearing the other condom and banging the third.
Unless verifiably correct answers are included, these types of questions are useless to use in interviews.
- the solution to this post is left as an exercise for the reader.
here
IMHO no one of the two figures is a triangle...! Am I wrong? Or the test statement is tricky?
Cheers
667 The Neighbour of the Beast
Read this one, it was shown in the Mail on Sunday Newspaper in the UK and the mail incorrectly said you should switch and your chances would be better if you switched. Teachers, clear thinkers etc wrote to them but they stood by their position that you should switch and your chances would be better if you switched.
"You are a contestant on Monty Hall's game show. You are presented with three doors: 1, 2, and 3. One of the doors has a million dollars behind it. The other two have goats behind them. You do not know ahead of time what is behind any of the doors. Monty asks you to choose a door. You pick one of the doors and announce it. Monty then counters by showing you one of the doors with a goat behind it and asks you if you would like to keep the door you chose, or switch to the other unknown door. Should you switch? Explain why. What is the probability if you don't switch? What is the probability if you do? "
The Mail said 'yes you always switch', because you had a 33% chance of being right and 66% chance of it being behind the other 2 doors. After they reveal one of the other 2 doors, the other door has a 66% chance of being the money. Your door only has a 33% chance hence you should switch.
Of course thats nonsense, when he revealed the door he changed the probabilities by reducing the number of options. So of course they are not 66%/33%, they are now 50-50. So there is no advantage to changing.
So here's the dilema:
If you went for an interview with the Mail on Sunday and gave the correct answer you will not get the job, if you give the incorrect answer you will get the job.
Do you give the correct answer or not?
Isn't interviews about toadying up to the interviewer behind the desk regardless of their mental abilities?
For instance: Brown Eyes and Red Eyes. I have this sense that upon being told by the outsider 'at least one of you has red eyes' (no top limit to the number), ALL the monks go commit suicide at midnight. I can see they still can't communicate, and can't prove they're not among the not-red-eyed, but there are links in the logical chain missing here- yet it points to that result somehow, due to their non-self-awareness and the confirmation that there are red-eyes present.
By the same token- The mother is 21 years older than the child. In 6 years from now, the mother will be 5 times as old as the child. Question: Where's the father? I have to say: on top of the mother, conceiving the child- but I can't get the numbers to add up to anything sensible, it's just the only intersection that would give you the location of the father! *rrrrr*
And finally, 0.999999... is not 1.0000000.... really it's not, though in practice, well...
I don't think so.
These type of "brain teasers" were just as common in 1985 during the interviews for internships at XEROX PARC when I was at MIT as a 6.1/6.3 Junior. IBMs interviewers also asked a brain teaser but HP did not, if I remember correctly.
Any other prior art that others can remember from the ancient days???
--- why has Karma become Qualitative instead of Quantitative?
I did a lot of interviews at MS when I was there, and I quickly learned not to ask riddles. First off, it makes people who don't get them uncomfortable and angry. Second, it doesn't actually show that the person can write software.
I used a much simpler approach, so simple most people think its silly. But thats the point; nobody leaves the interview thinking they were tricked or duped. I always started with implementation of strcpy(). Half of the candidates failed right there! They took most of the hour to get it right (or not), but were able to see point-blank that they were not ready for the job.
Next, I would ask about crashing cases, and if they figured out overlapping memory locations, have them write a 'fixed' version. This weeded out another big chunk. After that, I went into some color counting algorithms.
I stayed well withing the field of what the candidate would expect, and did not try to trick him or make him nervous with off the wall riddles.
This approach worked great, and didn't leave anyone feeling robbed and abused. The ability to solve riddles *is* an indicator of how smart the person is, but it is *not* an indicator of how good a programmer they will be.
If I have a donkey in one hand, and another donkey in the other hand, and a donkey on each shoulder and a donkey in my trousers pocket and a donkey in my car, what do I have?
status is failure. status is failure
Write a subroutine
quite an interesting language you chose to write it in.
The point is: reading the question correct is half the answer. You got only 50% correct.!
+ 1 funny. +1 AC
I'm quite sure it is a guy, a lady would not have to post as "anonymous coward".
-- ac --> Male
There is link to a web site in the hard problems rockdead that is really funny. At the bottom I chose death (Sorry, but I really like the Allman Brothers) and then I chose to reject Jesus (but I did like Jesus Christ Superstar), then I ened up at one of hell's best web pages. They even have recordings from hell! It is somewhere under Finland.
I think I'll go listen to the live version of Wip'en Post.
HPC for Primates. Read Cluster Monkey
'The thing that drives me nuts is not having the "right" answer to check my answers against.'
The point is there is no *single* right answer, sometimes there multiple good answers, sometimes there are none. The point of the question is to examine the candidates problem solving ability, the ability to think under pressure and produce new answers and sometime the ability to be honest and say I don't know the correct answer. Sometimes the test is will you challenge somebody in obvious authority if they are talking b*ll*cks and can you do it diplomatically. Indeed you answer to this problem indicates [to me] you tend to apply cargo cult type solutions. You want to parachute in the correct answer without understanding why it is the 'correct' answer.
Site appears to be down or /.'ed. Here's the google cache URL:
: www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wwu/riddles/riddles.html+wwu +riddles+site:ocf.berkeley.edu&hl=en&ie=UT F-8
http://216.239.51.100/search?q=cache:Zk-oetcDxk0C
I don't think that is a solution. If you create a back fire you will have to pass the line of fire you just created. If you can do that you can just move to point B when it stopped burning. Creating an extra fire is just trouble.
Same point as first poster. You create some extra variable "you can pass the fire.". if you don't tell this to the person that ask the question he can say "oke" or not oke. It will not tell anything about you.
I never had to answer this kind of questions on a interview. A strong cv did do the most work. If you ask THEM question thya can not ask you questions
Ah, I tackled this differently.
./er is going to have a ruler with them...) Break one of the halves in half, so you have a quarter stick.
:)
Break one stick in half. (It won't be perfectly accurate but you can make a pretty good measurement using your bare hands. Besides, any self-respecting
Using that quarter stick as a measurement, break 1/4 off one of the other sticks.
Bin the half stick and the three 1/4 sticks, or smoke them, or whatever.
Light the full stick. It will burn for one hour. As it goes out, light the remaining 3/4 stick. When it goes out, 1:45 has elapsed since you lit the first one.
Sure, it takes a while to prepare, but it's probably within the margin of error - and besides, the question didn't say I had to measure 1:45 from now, did it?
ANSWER: DON't HAVE SEX WITH THE LAST WOMAN. Just because the question states that he "would like to" doesn't mean he MUST.
>Any other prior art that others can remember from the ancient days???
The Sphinx.
'nuff said.
Nouvelles de jeux et technologies en français. TC
The correct answer is that manhole cover are round so they don't fall in.
This crap about the shape of a wankel rotary engine is just that, crap. Of course you could make it in the shape of a star, rotoary engine, cartman (he's pretty round), whatever. There are other shapes that would fall though, but that doesn't mean that the way it is right now doesn't work.
As for all those square manhole covers, they are either hinged or very rare, and irrelevant to the question (Assuming the question is: Why are manhole covers round?).
The can be additional reasons/benfits, like the fact that most pipes are round, and being easy to roll, but not falling in seems like the best answer to me.
To say that there is not reason is silly. At some point someone man a decision to produce round manholes and cover for them. People actively choose to contiune to produce them. They could choose to make them a different shape if they wanted to.
Also, using fixed size buffers for user input is okay, and should be done. You just have to check that the buffer doesn't overflow. If your program will just keep acccepting more and more data a user could consume all your RAM as a DNS attack. This is commonly checked for on web forms, otherwise someone could submit 1,000 web forms with a few megs of data each, and bring down a server. I'm not a CS major, but AFAIK it is almost always a good thing this to set a limit on the size of user input. Just make sure it's reasonable and it doesn't barf when someone tries to go above that limit.
Life is too short to proofread.
I got the job but only because a friend (this guy's peer) wanted to hire me. And, last time I checked, the guy who asked the question was still looking for work.
One of my favorites to ask people is questions about languages they don't know. Stresses the concepts over the syntax. For instance, "You know OO programming, right? ok, Smalltalk is an OO language. Tell me a little bit about what it probably has." My favorite answer was from the college kid who had written Prolog on his resume because one of his courses did a week on it. I asked him to describe the language, and he couldn't, so I described it for him. Then I asked him to think about what uses the language might have, what applications it would be good for. He said, "none, I guess."
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
This whole debate seems to assume that microsoft is hiring based on performance on these riddles. It's crazy to believe that they would hire someone who could tell you why a manhole cover was round if they couldn't write decent code. Microsoft position is that code isn't the hard part. They're much more interested in creative problem solving. Admittedly, the more websites there are like this (http://acetheinterview.com is the one my friends and i used to prep for m$ interviews) the opinion i've read that all these things are testing now is memorization. but by the time you do the day interview at microsoft, you're pretty much writing code and answering design questions all day long. the riddles are for screening.
What do you do when all three numbers are zero?
Of course, the real way to do this is to build the triple redundancy into your memory unit, hardwire the logic (probably using one triple-input nand gate and three two-input nand gates for each bit) and not have the cpu deal with this at all.
turn switch 1 on for 5 mins...turn it off...turn switch 2 on...go into the room...the lighbulb that is on is switch 2, the lightbulb that is off & warm is switch 1...the lightbulb that is off & not warm is switch 3...
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true." - Homer Simpson
The guy freaked. He started complaining that it was unfair and things like that. The funny part was I wasn't judging based on what answer he gave, but how he answered the question. He could have done well, by just rambling about the tradeoffs between different answers. Hell, he could have picked any answer and still got the job, but to lose it over a single question. That was unacceptable.
Where I work, things are often unfair. You can't freak out about it, or you're lost. He was the only person we interviewed for the job. We didn't hire anyone.
'SBEMAIL!' is better than a goat!!
I think the problem here, though, is that state changes will occur that not everyone sees, so their count will be off, and you run the risk of never getting out.
Imagine you're picked for the first time on the 51st day. The light is off. How many people have been picked before you? You have no idea.
(Well, you know at least two people have been picked, but perhaps the warden's been alternating between those two for the past 50 days. But on the other hand, 50 people could have been out. If so, and you started your state-change count at two now, you'd never reach 100.)
Without some accurate way of counting, no one can be sure they've seen all the state changes, and so no one can say with positivity that all 100 people have been out. You end up with a prison full of people with inaccurate counts waiting to reach a number that never comes. Right?
He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense.
Favorite technical interview question I've ever heard:
So you're working on a program using the foobarlib library and calling its function baz(), which according to the documentation returns an integer from 1 to 10 that means something or other. Suddenly, you discover that your program is blowing up because baz() is apparently returning -17. What do you do?
The ultimate correct answer that this person was looking for is that you ask your colleagues for help. These days, of course, you also get credit for first searching the web and newsgroups relevant to the package. Surprisingly, many people give up after suggesting things ("Well, first I have my debugger trace everything very carefully to make sure that baz is really doing this, then I re-read the foobarlib documentation") and being told "Ok, you try that, and it doesn't work."
Some people have actually told the interviewer flat-out that "that would never happen; it's impossible". However, those people have usually already demonstrated their unsuitability in other ways.
I interviewed people for a DTP post that required people with knowledge of Quark Xpress and proofreading ability.
About 70% of the applicants got the name of the package wrong on their CV ('express').
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
There are three vending machines. One dispenses only Cokes, one dispenses only Pepsis, and one dispenses either Cokes or Pepsis at random. Someone rearranges the labels on the machines so that none of the machines are labeled correctly. Given that you have no prior knowledge of which machine is which and no way to open the machines, how many drinks will you have to buy to determine which machine is which?
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. -- St. Augustine
Here's a link to a bunch of mirrors
Anyway, during my Microsoft interview when I was an undergrad, they asked me the following question, which I got "wrong"
You have a 7kg bar of gold (assumed rectangular). Your employee gets paid 1kg of gold a day for seven days (because apparently Microsoft people don't get the weekend off). What is the minimal number of cuts to make such that you can pay him 1kg every day?
I came up with some creative solutions, such as:
- Cutting in 3/4 section, stacking the sections, and recutting, so one cut breaks two pieces.
- Cutting a cosine wave into the bar which just brushed the edges with period 7.
- A whole bunch of other ideas, all of which were "wrong".
Anyway, after much back and forth, he basically hinted away that the answer he wanted was to cut the bar into sections of 1kg, 2kg, and 4kg. Then you give him 1kg the first day, then on the second day, give him the 2kg and ask for the 1kg back, etc etc. (ie binary arithmetic basically)Personally, this seemed like the stupidest answer ever to me, in that you were making the assumption that your employee would a) not spend any of the gold you gave him and b) bring it back to work with him the next day.
Long story short, I didn't get the job, but I think that it shows that people are too fixated on what they think is the "right" answer to something like this, when in reality, there are other solutions.
I could also add some good natured Microsoft bashing about how they make stupid assumption like this in code, but then you wouldn't have anything to reply with
But seriously, I have no problem with these riddles in interviews, as long as they're used properly. The point of asking the question should not be to get a "correct" answer. It should be to see how people react under pressure, how creative and resourceful they are, and how flexible they can be in the presence of (possibly) incomplete information.
Even someone who gets one of these answers "wrong" (perhaps because they overlooked some obscure point) would score points in my book if they could explain somewhat sound reasoning behind it and not get flustered while doing it.
The best interviews I've had were right out of college, when the interviewer asked me about one of my grad school projects, then told me to explain it on a whiteboard, on the spot. Those were also the places I thought I'd most like to work at!
They probably stole it from the movie Labrynth, whole probably stole it from someone else. IIRC, it was originally part of a small book of logical puzzles about an island containing "Knights and Knaves," which I think was the name of the book.
Here's a mirror of the riddles: http://wwwcsif.cs.ucdavis.edu/~huangy/riddles/intr o.shtml
In my interview they ask me this:
1) Tell me about yourself.
2) Do you have any question that you want to ask us?
All these riddles are useless for my interview. I'll be impressed at anyone who can give a good answer to 1) and 2).
from the site...
How many prisoners found their doors open after 100 rounds? The answer of course, is none - after the first drunken round, the prisoners have awoken, left their cells, and are busy drinking at the nearest strip club.
I really hate signatures, but go to my website.
I've never answered a riddle question correctly in an interview. I just act like such a blatant smart ass that the interviewer gets frustrated and or impressed with my attention to detail. In this way I have probably lost job opportunities, but you know what, I don't give a fuck. I didn't go to college and major in engineering, a major lacking any female contact, so that I could graduate and be asked to solve riddles. If an interviewer is going to waste my time by asking me stupid questions rather than asking about past real problems I've had to solve, projects, and accomplishments at other jobs, then they'd better be prepared for a barrage of equally stupid questions/remarks.
~ now you know
- MARBLE JARS: Distribute them eveny between the 2 jars, assuming the guy will give you a jar at random or the worst of the two jars.
- ARAB SHEIKH CAMELS: he told them to switch camels
- 3 HATS: Guy A sees at least one black hat. Guy B see a white hat on C. If Guy B saw a white hat on C he knows his can't be white or else A would know that his hat is black. Thus Guy C knows that his hat is black.
- HUMMINGBIRD: ( 5000 / (20 + 15) ) 25
- FOOT SIZE IMPLIES SPELLING ABILITY: Foot size correlates with age which is correlated with spelling ability.
- NONHOMOGENOUS ROPE BURNING: Light one rope at both ends. When this entire rope has burnt, 30 min have passed. Then, light the other rope at both ends and at the middle. When, this entire roep has burnt, 15 min have passed. 30 + 15 = 45
- WILLYWUTANG AND
THE BURNING ISLAND OF DOOM: I think there is a mistake in this problem. The wind should be going from B toward A. Th correct answer is to start another fire in between himself and the fire which the wind will them carry away from him and towards the other fire.
- TWO COIN FLIPS: 50%
- COIN MACHINE WEIGHING: Put one coin from machine 1, two from macine 2, etc. Take the difference from the expected weight and divide it by 1 oz to get the # of the broken machine.
- HOURGLASSES: Run the 7 & 11 simultaneously. When the 7 is done start timing. When the 11 is done you've been timing 4 minutes. Flip it over and when it's empty you'll have 15.
- LOGICAL SIGNS I: Open the silver chest.
- LOGICAL SIGNS II: Open the bronze chest.
- I don't feel like doin ASCII art for the chess problems.
- CORK, BOTTLE, COIN: Push the cork into the bottle, then get the coin out.
- FAMILY RELATIONS: His son
- ANALOG CLOCK I: 0 deg or rad
- ANALOG CLOCK II: 24 times/day, add n times 1:05 where n is an integer APPLES AND ORANGES: Look in the cate marked apples. It has to be either O or A&O. If it's O then the A&O crate is A and the O crate is A&O. If it's A&O then the O crate is A and the A&O crate is O.
Maybe more may come later.Anybody have more/disagree?
Life is too short to proofread.
Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking.
--
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Manhole covers are round because manholes are round. Manholes are round because the tube shape naturally resists the crushing pressure of the ground surrounding it.
It is for this reason that very old water wells (like in Africa and southern Asia) are round. The rocks you form the walls with resist compression quite well (pun unintended), and you get a sturdy, low-maintenance water source.
Most of the old wells I've seen have rectangular covers, but the ones that people walk over have round covers so that the edge sits flush with the surrounding ground. Most of the flush-mounted ones are in built-up cities (like old London), and I imagine that the local barrel maker manufactured those as well. The edge of these is a row of stone/cobble that's set deeper into the ground than the surrounding cobblestone street.
I think the modern answer (of geometry and axes) is quite boring, and ignores history and tradition too much.
------ Exercise Instructions
Dear Candidate,
This exercise is intended to break the monotony of the standard interview questions like "Tell me about your strengths and weaknesses." Please read this document thoroughly before you start!
Your instructions are simple: Build something using the Lego Mindstorms Robotics Invention System and then tell us about your experience!
There are no constraints on the simplicity or complexity of your project though you are expected to do programming as well as mechanical assembly. You are free to use the examples in the kit or the provided documentation (O'Reilly Mindstorms book) as a starting point.
System Setup
The computer has the Lego Mindstorms software loaded and tested.
The firmware has been loaded into the RCX module and tested. COMM 1 is working for the IR Module connection. Batteries should be good (let us know if you have system problems - they are not part of the exercise!).
In addition, on the computer is an additional programming system called RCX Command Center (Version 3.1) that uses NQC (Not Quite C) and a graphical interface for programming. This has also been tested and documentation is provided. You are free to use either the Lego software or RCX Command Center for programming your robot. The CD-Rom case has instructions on how to bypass the Lego Tutorial.
Presentation
At the end of the exercise you will give a presentation and demonstration (5 -10 minutes) of your project. Feel free to use the whiteboard and/or flipcharts for your presentation if needed. Please address the following topics in your presentation:
How did you set about the exercise in terms of planning, architecture, and construction?
What did you intend your robot to do and what does it really do? Why?
What obstacles did you encounter during construction? How did you overcome or bypass them?
What would you do different if you were given another session?
There is no "right answer" to this exercise and there are no hidden tricks or traps. The intent is to give you an opportunity to show your creativity, learning skills, problem solving, time management, and explanation skills in a different way.
Please have FUN!
"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
Marble Jars:
.5*50%=.25 .5*50%=.25
.5*100%=.5 .5*49/99=.2474
Distributing the marbles evenly between the jars, you get:
Jar 1:
Jar 2:
Sum(chance of survival)=.5
If jar is selected from randomly and uneven distribution allowed, I'd leave one white marble (i.e. you get to live) in one jar, and the remainder of the marbles in the other jar.
Jar 1:
Jar 2:
Sum(chance of survival)=.7474
> The behavior of strcpy is undefined if the source and destination strings overlap.
:-p
Hence canonical
while (*p++ = *q++);
will do
Guess I won't be interviewing candidates at Microsoft!
I interviewed people for a DTP post that required people with knowledge of Quark Xpress and proofreading ability.
About 70% of the applicants got the name of the package wrong on their CV ('express').
Err, the package is called QuarkXPress, not Quark Xpress, QuarkXpress or any other derivative. One word, only one 'e' and with the 'q', 'x' and 'p' capitalised.
By the way, do you know how to spell irony? I bet you do...
"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue." - David Brent, Wernham Hogg
1/2 Open Door = 1/2 Closed Door
Right?
Now cancel the 1/2 on each side to get:
Open Door = Closed Door
Where is my logic flawed?
One of interview methods that makes the most sense to me is described in the The Guerrilla Guide to Interviewing.
Interviews should determine two things: whether a person can do the job, and whether they will do the job. Riddles don't really figure into either of those.
--Bruce
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
what's the answer?
If I were ever asked a riddle in an interview; unless it were for a riddle-writing position; I'd immediately stand up and leave. Interviews gauge your ability to perform a job; tests/certifications/etc. gauge your aptitude to perform certain tasks. Were I give a 'real-world' problem that I'd be likely to encounter on said job and asked to provide a solution, that would be a different story.
This is just as unethical and likely illegal as the "do you think lying is ok?" 'personality' quizzes often given by temp agencies and the like. Being asked ethics questions for a position of responsibility is a different story, however.
I think with the interesting people, their lives can't possibly be wrapped up into a nice little package.
Admittedly, I'm not very good at math, but here's what I've come up with...
If I remember my geometry correctly area of a square is (base x height) and a triangle is (base x height / 2)
Big Triangle: 5x9.5cm Area: 23.75
Small Triangle: 7x3.5cm Area: 12.25
Dual Triangle: 5x9.5 and 2x5 Area: 28.75
Square: 3x3 Area: 9
Square Triangle: 5x4.5 and 2x4.5 Area: 27
Total Area: 100.75cm
Sqrt: Approx: 10cm
Am I right so far?
I'm still not getting it.
The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. - Benjamin Franklin
I dig the challenge of riddles. Far worse are the syntax quizzes! Knowing about semicolons after function declarations or 'else' is the compiler's job and not a strong indicator of creativity or capability in a programmer.
The riddle:
"U2" has a concert that starts in 17 minutes and they must all cross a bridge to get there. All four men begin on the same side of the bridge. You must help them across to the other side. It is night. There is one flashlight. A maximum of two people can cross at one time. Any party who crosses, either 1 or 2 people, must have the flashlight with them. The flashlight must be walked back and forth, it cannot be thrown, etc. Each band member walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at the rate of the slower man's pace:
* Bono: - 1 minute to cross
* Edge: - 2 minutes to cross
* Adam: - 5 minutes to cross
* Larry: - 10 minutes to cross
For example: if Bono and Larry walk across first, 10 minutes have elapsed when they get to the other side of the bridge. If Larry then returns with the flashlight, a total of 20 minutes have passed and you have failed the mission.
---
Another:
You are given 10 baskets. 9 of the baskets each have 10 balls weighing 10kg per ball, however one basket has 10 balls weiging 9kg each. All the balls and baskets are identical in appearance. You are asked to determine which basket contains the 9kg balls. You have a suitable scale, but may only take a single measurement. No other measurements may be taken (like trying to determine by hand). You may remove balls from the baskets but may still only take one measurement. How do you do it?
Big Daddy, Johnny, Burp, Aunt Zelda, Scott, Slurp, Big Momma
I have put up my own little riddles page. Time for a little slashdotting... ;)
Make even shorter URLs - 8LN.org
000 0
001 0
010 0
011 1
100 0
101 1
110 1
111 1
(a & b) | (a & c) | (b & c ) | ((a & b) & c))
Karnaugh Mapping...
'a'b 'a b a'b a b
c _ x x x
'c _ _ _ x
so the simplifications that can be made....
(c & (a | b) ) | (a & b)
there are no other 'little circles' that can be made on the map (as my EE101 prof was so fond of saying) therefore there are no further simplifications.
--Ks9
Why such an extrange answer?
r u crazy?
Explain your answer...
--
ACid
I would call it "the Bingo solution"...
- You are asuming that everyone has paper and pencil (or similar instruments).
- They have to be careful (not to loose the count of the days so that incorrect info is transmited)
- If the prisoners were taken at a regular pattern, they would never go out, but the text says "Everyday, the warden picks a prisoner at random" so there in no regular pattern.
The first days:
In average, in the first 100 days one should be picked in his own day, so himself and the next one who visits the room know that he has been there. Both can tell about it if they are chosen in that day.
The last dyas:
Probably, the last days before freedom many of them have their "bingo cards" almost complete and they are waiting for the last to be chosen to visit the room in his own day.
--
ACid
Maybe from the number of cars etc you could work out how many gas pumps there are in the US, but not all gas stations are the same size. some have multiple lanes and can cope with large numbers of cars simultaneously, and others are 2 or 3 pump mom and pop style operations (especially in small towns.)
Gas stations sell other things besides gas and oil.
This is the elegant solution I was looking for. I started trying something like this but didn't get it quite worked out, so I tried another tack. I'm glad you figured it out.
The only weird sort of problem with this solution is that if you are picked in order every day, you'll never leave. In fact, there are many orders in which numbers can be essentially "segregated" from each other, so that no one ever knows that everyone has already been picked.
But if distribution really is random, then this is definitely the best strategy. It'll certainly be quicker than my Master Counter way. Thanks!
He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense.
Comment removed based on user account deletion
They're being held in solitary confinement. There's no reason to assume they can all see the bulb every day. The Prisoner's and the Lightbulb is discussed more here.
He who refuses to do arithmetic is doomed to talk nonsense.
just a hunch
~ now you know
- STUPID: e
- CLIMBING SNAIL: 5 days. They left the trick out of this one. They should've made it 21 meters.
- 8-WAY CAKE SLICE: Cut it in half. Cut it in quarters. Line up all the quarters in a row and cut them in half.
- CHESSBOARD SQUARE COUNT: 8 * 8 = 64,7 * 7 = 49, 6*6 = 36, 5 * 5 = 25, 4 * 4 =16, 3 * 3 = 9, 2 * 2 = 4 . Answer is 64+49+36+25+16+9+4+1
- MONTY HALL SHOW: Always switch. This is a really famous problem. You can do the math pretty easily.
- GLASS HALF FULL: Tilt it. The top of the water should reach the upper and lower edges at exactly the same time.
- HANGING CHAIN: 0 feet
BTW AC was right 'bout my 1st answer.Life is too short to proofread.
43 days 8 hours 25 minutes
They spend 24 days forming a union, demanding equal rights for black and migrant workers, spend another 4 days deciding what kind of bricks they should make the wall out of. 23 more days are spent trying to determine which company should provide the bricks for the wall, then they all rest for 8 hours (lunch break, you understand) and finish the actual construction of the wall in 25 minutes.
Just like any gov't project.
Whoever stated that signature sizes should be limited to one hundred and twenty characters can just go ahead and kiss my
Always carry at least three condoms with you at all times, in case you a cornered by a group of women who demand immediate safe sex.
PHB: Uhh, where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I was asked that in October. I leaned over the PHBs desk and said:
"A fucking plane flew into my building 3 weeks ago. I don't think about the future too much."
I got asked 'What does systems analysis mean to you?' in a f*@#ing interview once, right out of school. What the hell kind of stupid question is that? The next thing I remember is this guy asking if I know how to structure a query in Access.
<rant>
I need to ask you tech interviewers something - do you guys ever research what you're hiring for before you jump in thinking you know anything? Being interviewed by someone who asks questions like these is both embarrassing and assinine, in addition to a complete waste of both the propect's and your time.
</rant>
You are all fartheads.
Nicely put, indeed.
An evil king has 1000 bottles of wine. A neighboring queen plots to kill the bad king, and sends a servant to poison the wine. The king's guards catch the servant after he has only poisoned one bottle. The guards don't know which bottle was poisoned, but they do know that the poison is so potent that even if it was diluted 1,000,000 times, it would still be fatal. Furthermore, the effects of the poison take one month to surface. The king decides he will get some of his prisoners in his vast dungeons to drink the wine. Rather than using 1000 prisoners each assigned to a particular bottle, this king knows that he needs to murder no more than 10 prisoners to figure out what bottle is poisoned, and will still be able to drink the rest of the wine in 5 weeks time. How does he pull this off?
...
.etc
SOLUTION: (Think binary)
10 prisoners 2 outcomes
0 = alive (not poisoned)
1 = dead (poisoned)
1000 bottles 10 prisoners 2^10 = 1024
each bottle is assigned a number 1..1000 this is convereted to binary.
this binary determine which prisoner (1..10) drinks it
eg:
bottle num: 1 = 0000000001 is tested by prisoner #: 1
bottle num: 2 = 0000000010 is tested by prisoner #: 2
bottle num: 3 = 0000000011 is tested by prisoner #: 2, 1
.
The number made by the 1s (dead) and 0s (living) is the binary number of the posioned bottle.
Jeez, folks, stop hiring such morons who can only answer trivia questions. All interviewees are worthless unless they can pass the Final Exam.
I can explanate how to administrate your network. You must configurate and segmentate it, so it can computate.
In an interview, you get time to ask maybe a dozen questions of the interviewee.
Every question counts.
It doesn't matter how sure you are that a question is good, if it's controversial at all, you should throw it out without a second thought, because you're basing a significant fraction of your value judgment about a person on a question of arguable merit.
Pick something else to ask about.
At my company, we like to use programming questions that cover material every developer has to know, but won't use every day, and so generally will have to exert a little bit of quick thinking to accomplish. Like writing a hash function (any hash will do), collection classes, clone methods, or nontrivial synchronization.
Just because it works, doesn't mean it isn't broken.
Let's call the mother's age M and the child's age C (in years).
:)
We know that:
M = C + 21
and
M + 6 = (C + 6) * 5
So solving the system we get:
M + 6 = 5C + 30
21 + C + 6 = 5C + 30
C + 27 = 5C + 30
C - 5C = 30 - 27
-4C = 3
C = -3/4
1/4 of a year is 3 months. 3/4 is 9 months. If the child is -9 months old, that means he or she will be born in 9 months, so has just been conceived.
The father isn't necessarily on top of the mother (fertilisation can happen up to 2 days after sex), but he's probably still around.
He may be trying to hold up his pants while running from her father.
Actually there would be another possible "smart" answer if the mother was a few years younger: the father is probably in jail.
RMN
~~~
(n/t)
The answer is not so obvious. Here are the four possible coin flip results (H = heads; T = tails).
H H
H T
T H
T T
If one coin came up heads then there is only a 1:3 chance that the other came up heads.
This is similar to the boy/girl probability question later.
I guess your mileage varies widely from mine, then. My last two interviews (4 years ago and 6 years ago) were very long. The 6 year ago one lasted 3 hours for the first interview and about 1.5 for the second. The interview for my current job 4 years ago lasted all day (8:30 to abt 3pm), but then again, they had flown me in from halfway across the country, so I guess they wanted to get their money's worth
I think if time is so short that you get "maybe a dozen questions" then you're doing it wrong. This person may be with your firm for years and have a significant impact on the projects he/she works on. The cost of the interview gets lost in the noise when considered against the productivity of a really talented dev or the cost of a really terrible developer. Take your time to get to know him. The good interviews I've had covered the gamut from basic electronics & programming to just "shooting the breeze" over lunch to see how I'd get along with the rest of the team. Trust me, if I felt I was being toyed with, I'd mention it. If no explanation was forthcoming, that's the end of the interview. I don't want to work for a bunch of elitist a'holes. The attitude at all fulltime jobs I've taken (not all the ones interviewed for, mind you) was basically to hire motivated people and let them learn specifics on the job. I like that: it lets me grow professionally, and the companies get new blood with different ideas instead of a bunch of people who just happen to be current with the latest buzzwords.
The Tourist Is Critical
Consider _Case 3_:
Three of the monks have red eyes, here's Monk "A"'s thought process:
I see 2 Red-Eyed Monks, that means they both see:
1 Red-Eyed Monk (if I have Brown Eyes)
2 Red-Eyed Monks (if I have Red Eyes)
Assume I have Brown Eyes:
Each of the 2 Red-Eyed Monks I see therefore see only 1 Red-Eyed Monk. Now then, each of them must be thinking:
Either there is 1 Red-Eyed Monk (him)
Or there are 2 (him and me)
Assume I have Brown Eyes
Therefore there is only 1 Red-Eyed Monk (him)
So HE must be thinking:
Either there are 0 Red-Eyed Monks
Or there is 1 Red-Eyed Monk (Me)
Tourist says there's at least 1
Therefore, I have red Eyes
I will kill myself tonight (night 1)
But, DAMN, he didn't end up killing himself
Assumption INCORRECT
I have Red Eyes
I will kill myself tonight (night 2)
But, DAMN, he didn't end up killing himself
Assumption INCORRECT
I have Red Eyes
I will kill myself tonight (night 3)
Monks A,B,C are indistinguishable - they all act exactly in the same way. Therefore A,B,C kill themselves all on the same night.
Midnight isn't key, you right, but because they always kill themselves in synchronization. Midnight just emphasizes this fact and makes for a better story
How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?