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Where is the Any Key?
ricembr noted that compaq has finally provided a FAQ to the world to ask that long standing question where is the any key? Pray that this was added to the FAQ as a joke, and not in response to legitimate need ;)
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that the world still cant spell the word 'the'
Slow news-tastic.
This idea was invented by Shampoo.
Any key? Where's the any key? I think I'll order a tab. *click* Oh, no time for that, time to work!
503 Sig Unavailable
The Signature could not be accessed. Please try again later or contact the administrator
Read the bloody thing! It was added in 2001!
Any key is just between the esc key and the enter numpad key. see it's so easy to find ;)
not in response to legitimate need ;)
You've never worked in a call center before, have you?
I had a caller who borrowed the DSL installation disk from her friend and was trying to install "The Internet" on her DVD player.
Yes, this FAQ was needed. Desperately.
--saint
Where is *the* any key? ;)
if the people really ask that question. If they don't understand "Press any key", then they don't belong on a computer.
Notice that it was added in 2001, and I remember it actually being there *long* before then...
Glen
Track your fuel economy
Oh, wow, they're right... there isn't any "any" key anywhere on my keyboard. I never noticed that - whenever I saw that message on my screen before, I just called my housecat who knows everything about computers and she jumped up on the keyboard and fixed it for me.
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
Unfortunately, the FAQ probably is a legitimate point. I've done too much desktop support where things just as stupid have come up.
There was the time (many, many years ago) I sent a 3.5" floppy to someone with both a 3.5" and 5.25" drive. She calls me up and asks which one to put it in, claiming the big one looks ike it can hold both sizes.
Of course, the any key one is a bit of a mystery. Not so much because I don't think people would ask that question, but rather becuase it's been years since I've seen that asked (usually it's the "click OK to continue").
Yep, that's all this is. Working too - front page link on Slashdot.
:)
Don't do it! Don't click - don't forward this link to your friends! That's what Compaq want..
Amazon have launched a viral marketing campaign today - a keyboard costing 1 Million dollars, but I refuse to post the link.
The interesting thing is that after they created this entry they had to come back and modify it.
Old solaris keyboard (type 4 I think?) had actually two any keys. They were next to the space bar and were mappable to anything you needed. They had a little diamond on them.
I mean, I guess a key with no specific function is an any key, right?
~Will
sig?
This is old, old news. Long before the HP/Compaq merger. "Next up: Man killed by a Pepsi machine wins Darwin Award"
666-607: 6th floor apartment of the beast
I think someone asked them this in jest only to get a serious reply back.
Slainte maith, h-uile latha, na chi 'snach fhaic!
Is it funny because of the article, or the fact it's been posted no less than 3 times on Slashdot already? Come on guys, it's not 2001 anymore.
I'm sure I read about this last year. I think someone either emailed it to me or posted it up in a forum.
Has anyone else already read this or am I just going mad??
As you can read at the bottom of that page:
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
Author: Mevans
Again:
Where is the NUM LOCK Key?
From the page:
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
So not only did some people not know where the "any" key was, they felt the first explanation was too complicated!! Hopefully this Oct 25, 2002 answer will last another year or so before it needs to be dumbed down some more...
Do not anger the worm.
where is teh any key?
Looks like someone switched the h and e keys too. is that in the FAQ?
If you check out the date of insertion, its been there a while..
( and I vaguely remember reading about this on here before.... )
Of course its NOT a joke.. many people really don't understand what we take for granted, and take things they are told literally..
---- Booth was a patriot ----
The guy think it's 2001, of course he's confused as to where the 'any key' is.
In the old days it wasn't uncommon to display "Press Any Key..." instead of "Press any key...". The capital letters certainly added to the confusion.
Seriously, this entry has been part of the Compaq FAQ for YEARS!
Imagine someone reading this faq item, rejoycing that they finally found out that it means "press ANY key" and they load up that favorite applications of theirs they could never use because they didn't know what key to press, and they start to massively pound the shift key.
Makes you wonder. From a UI designer point of view, it doesn't make a lot of sense to give the user such a superuseless choice. Why not just ask the user to press ENTER? It's much simpler, and the enter key is hard to miss... There really is such a thing as too much of a choice for dummy users :/
If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
People have asked about the any key since that infamous message first appeared.
Just like the story about the person who used the mouse as a foot pedal, or tried to use the PC without electricity.
Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key? I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB key] Awp...no time for that now, the computer's starting.
--
One by one the penguins steal my sanity...
I found a program called E-mac on KDE Linux 3.2 that requires a key called the meta key, does anyone know where I can get one?
Their answer is not quite correct. Some programs (try "pause" in Command Prompt) that ask for "any key" will not accept keys like Shift, Ctrl, Alt, etc. I think Compaq should develop their own keyboards with the Any key built in. That will make things much simpler.
I was teaching the father of a friend of mine how to use computers, in our first day, he looked at me and then looked at the keyboard and said "I want you to explain to me what every key does"
he was thinking that the keyboard is like a giant remote control with every key doing one specialized job.
few years later windows keyboards with "email", "web", and "support" buttons emerged, I guess he was a visionary in his own way.
...the following from the article:
/. before!
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
Well, I probably did see it last year and judging by the other comments here so has everyone else. I may have even seen it on
Of course, they need that FAQ.
It's a large collection of tech-support queries and conversations.
If someone can't find the "Any" key then how did they connect to the internet, navigate to Compaq's website, determine what "FAQ" stands for, and then read it to find out that there is no "Any" key?
Sound waves should be free!
Finally! No longer do I have to spend hours looking for that damn key; boy, do I feel silly.
Of course, now I've a different problem. Secure in the knowledge that I could press any key, I whacked the one marked Ctrl. Nothing. So I tried the uparrow key above it; niente. Surely Caps Lock'll work? Nah.
Bloody compaq. I'm never buying one of their poxy keybaords again.
But kudos to Compaq (or HP) nonetheless. In their ergonomic guide, they even show you what you should look like when you're standing.
Typically, "any key" refers to any key except those labeled "Shift", "Alt", "Ctrl", "Pause", "Scroll Lock", "Print Screen", "NumLock", and some more with logos.
Homer: "To start press any key. Wheres the any key? I see esc catarl and pigup. There doesn't seem to be any any key. All this computer hacking is making me thirsty I think I'll order a tab" hits tab "no time for that now the computers starting"
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
h tml
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
The information went data way -------->
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
If your mouse is missing, try the foot pedal.
Shamelessly ripped from : http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/computing/one-liners.
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
I had my mom and pops having trouble finding "any" key for real! Please don't make fun of those who don't know as much about computers as we do.
buffering...
I remember seeing this in the Dell Laptop License Agreement story...
...but the most unused key has to be "scroll lock". What does it do? Which programs takes advantage of it? I dont think I've ever used it.
The subject line offers my opinion of this thread.
l
Here's something more interesting:
Hackers - The Missing BBS Files (TAP / PCNet-ABBS / 8BBS / DFM-BBS / CommuniTree).
http://www.flyingsnail.com/missingbbs/index.htm
At least the 'below your threshold' folks will have something interesting to do.
Plus the shift key usually doesn't work.
;).
Now a more nerdy question would be:
What are the safest keys to press to turn off the screen saver or monitor power saving mode? Basically when the PC is on, and the monitor is blank coz it's gone to power saving or whatever.
First thing to try is probably the mouse but if that doesn't work, what is the safest key to press?
It's definitely not Enter, nor Ctrl-alt-del
Currently I'm thinking of num-lock, followed by capslock, then maybe alt, then tab.
Suggestions?
The term "any key"... particular key on the keyboard
That's fine. But, where's the "particular key" ?
getSexySig();
Why shouldn't the bigger one be able to hold either? You just happen to know it doesn't.
I had one of those internet appliances that everyone was hacking with Linux (what did they call those things?) *I'm old I need more memory* Anyway it had a "Pizza"key that I thought was as good an any key as any other..
Over the years since 1993, I have taught many computer courses to individuals with any where from beginner level skills to prospecting administrators. I have upon several occasions found users looking for the elusive "any" key. It brings new meaning to "Press Any Key to Continue".
Jerry Fletcher,
Privacy Protection By:
http://www.cotse.net/servicedetails.html
The story I heard was that IBM's manuals had originally described the device as a fan. Some servicemen, though, were so used to TLAs (Three-Letter Acronyms), that when they read about the "fan" they tried to find the "F.A.N.". And couldn't.
Unfortunately, I have discovered that the FAQ is wrong.
As I am lazy, I often pick a key near the edge of the keyboard, and I have found that ctrl, caps lock, alt, and shift are not any key at all.
The FAQ should be updated to reflect that some keys just are not any key.
"Keyboard not present,
Press F1 to continue."
Zen engineering?
The "any key" really exists ... you can buy it at :
userfriendly
"We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds." -- Linus
This was in response to NEED, not humor.
The vast majority of the people out there have no business operating any equipment, much less computers.
They would be better off using "net appliances" that only browse and do email, nothing else. So as to spare the rest of us the agony of their stupidity..
I've done phone tech support.
The anykey is a real issue.
Some other 'wonderful' (L)user errors:
Can't install software, doesn't know how to turn computer on, even when shown the power switch labeled on/off.
Trying to fax paper by holding it up to monitor for half an hour.
Won't take incoming faxs to fax machine, afraid an airborne computer virus will go from it to the computer.
Can't right-click on an icon, they keep trying to spell 'right-click' instead of doing it. (Note: It wasn't a mac user)
Wants to know why the scheduled events don't run at night when the computer is turned OFF.
Only has half the required memory for the software and thinks half the software will run.
Doesn't have a modem (much less a fax modem) and wants to use fax software.
Believes their modem is infected with a virus.
Claims to be a software engineer, but that his C: drive has no logical drives or partitions...
wants an error fixed immmedeatly on a computer over 100 miles away from caller. Caller has no access at all to computer, not even by calling someone else. Has no idea what the error was. And still wants it fixed right Now! (Yes sir, we'll send our magical silicon fairies out immediately, they've just been topped off with miracle dust. While they're there, do you have any dead housepets you'd like ressurected?)
Well, the list of stupidities could go on and on.
These all were just Some of the examples I've personally had to deal with. Many of them have happened numerous times. The last one happens at least once a week if you support corporate callers. Way too many people think computers are magical black boxes.
I heard the story where somebody luser thought
the "space bar" was a drinking establishment in outer space.
---
I might point out that the explanation recursively uses the word "any". It would be better if they said: "it doesn't matter which key you press" or something like that.
Anyone around in the olde days will recall machines having full words on the keyboard. Home users may recall the likes of sinclair machines having 4 or 5 words per key. It's no wonder some people looked for "any".
I have always considered "Press any key to continue" a bug for two reasons.
1) not any key will work (i.e Shift, Control etc.)
2) there is much easier answer.
The proper message is "Press a key to continue" because the worst they will do is press "a"
Taken from: http://home.ptd.net/~hjcotton/jokes/wptechsupport. htm
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).
"Ridge Hall Computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappear."
"Hmmm. so what does you screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt of the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV."
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know?"
"Well. then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of
it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is"
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No, why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power....... a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take
it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too @#!%ing stupid to own a computer."
I know that I got confused when I started a Mac Quadra for the first time, because the Power On button was on the keyboard.
Years later, in a call center, I saw a pile of old keyboards from some Gateway computers (maybe from the 486 era), and there was a button labeled "Start Here." I was told it was a power-on button and someone had actually written "The Any Key" with a sharpie on some of the keyboards as a joke. Too bad the keyboards needed a proprietary driver for the "power-on" to work, which is why they were yanked and replaced with regular keyboards upon delivery.
Drat..now I can't tell the (L)users that they need to wait for tech support to come by and replace their keyboard, and that they'll need to find another means to work until then. How does next Friday at 1pm sound for an appointment?
In America today you can murder land for private profit. You can leave the corpse for all to see, and nobody calls the c
http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030128
Daytona
This makes perfect sense if you are interested in computers. If you aren't interested in computers, especially if you are uncomfortable with them, there is a very good chance you will just make sure you have the correct information before trying anything.
Ye*h, wh*t *bout the people with * keybo*rd where the *-key is missing.
OK, I need * new keybo*rd.
- *nonymous Cow*rd
Imagine if you will a new computer user...
k ey&ie= UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&meta=
do doot da doo..
I'll just install this new screensaver/hotbar spyware application that uncle Neal recomended.
dum dee dee dum doodle do
EULA, next
INSTALL DIRECTORY, next
TO COMPLETE THIS INSTALLATION, Click ANY KEY
do doot da?????? WTF!
Where is the ANY Key?
Alt+Tab
Load IE,
Type www.google.com
Type "Where is Any Key"
http://www.google.ca/search?q=where+is+any+
I'll just look at the Compaq Support Doc's for this..
OOOhh it all makes sense now.
dum dum diddle dummm...
Alt+Tab
a
and still doesn't answer the question!
Where really is the any key? shall we ask slashdot?
"I think this line is mostly filler"
...many years ago a caller and a problem with their computer. I told her the only thing to do with that problem was to "reboot" the computer. She made me confirm that's what I wanted her to do, so she did it.
At this time I start hearing a "clunk, clunk" coming through the handset. Well, to say the least she was kicking her computer, since I told her to "boot" her computer.
That's not a computer question. That question is of philosophical nature. Alternatively, a psychoterapist could ask it...
Answer:
Space bar: Penile complex (too short penis)
Ctrl: Control Freak.
Enter: Vaginal mania.
Tab: Just a drunkard.
Esc: Depression.
F1: Leadership maniac.
Backspace: Anal tendencies.
Del: Will for destruction.
Shift: Double personality
ctrl-alt-del: They are out to get you!
The Windows key: They already got you!
45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
If anyone ever actually asks you that question it is vital to give the simplest answer possible. Compaq's FAQ answer is still "too complicated" and may cause the loss of your own sanity when they still get confused.
Better answer:
"Any key" is another name for the space bar.
At this point they will inevitably make a second second assault on your sanity. It is vital to be prepared for this devious one-two combo attack. The deady follow-up question is generally some varient of 'why', such as "why didn't they just say to press the space bar?" or "why isn't the spacebar propery labeled?"
No matter what the exact question is, the only safe answer is:
"I don't know."
If they keep asking about it just keep repeating "I don't know" until the psych-assault ends. Trying to give any other answer will result in severe pain and possible loss of sanity.
-
- - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
Any key on the keyboard. 'Bout time someone told me. That explains why pressing my car key wouldn't work.
Yet another signature that refers to itself. The irony and humor is dead.
Back when I had to work the helldesk I would tell customers that the "any" key was their spacebar when asked. I would tell them that keyboard manufactures had stopped labelling the key some time ago in order to save production costs. People bought it hook line and sinker every single time. More to the point, they now knew where the "any" key was and we could get on with things.
I got a set of labels from cyberguys, which allows all the ports to be labeled, with a matching label for the cable.
Included is the "any" label, which can be applied as needed.
Great if your building a PC for a less than technical user, like a family member.
Pray that this was added to the FAQ as a joke, and not in response to legitimate need
Wanna bet?
Its things like this that will hinder linux on the desktop. With sun, suse, mandrake, lindows and others marketing linux on the desktop expect a whole lot more (l)users. Here is an example tech support call.
User : How do I run the gimp
Tech support : click the k button, then select "The Gimp" from the graphics menu.
User : All I get it is a K appearing in my word processor
Tech support : Not the k key, the k button. Its a gear with a letter K engraved on it on the bottom left corner of the screen.
User : I don't see a gear, I see a G shaped foot.
Tech support : *sigh* Click the G shaped foot then, and look for the icon that has a moster with big eyes.
User : I have two big eyes looking at my mouse cursor.
And so on.
by typing only 'Y' instead of 'Y-E-S' you can triple your productivity?
Of course, your ass has to have it's own congressman.
Rock!
Sure, they say it means to press any key on the keyboard... The problem is they don't say not to use the Shift, Ctrl, or Alt keys since they are "modifier" keys. So someone may actually press the shift key and it still won't work. :)
I have a Sun Type 6 (non-usb) keyboard that has the any key right betwen the help and the F1 keys. It's just above Esc.
Mind you it's a completely blank key that I have never found a use for so I wrote 'any' on it (figuring it must be the any key).
My other hypothesis is that this key has a tie-in to solaris and it monitors user gruntle level. As a user begins to lose their gruntles (and become disgruntled) they bash on the keyboard, tripping this key. Once a user reaches a certain level their account should be locked. Unfortunitly all of my sun training and years as admin never demonistrated how to incorporate this with the business plan. *sigh* I guess it's just the any key.
Wheeeee
"It said any key."
"When programmers say any key they mean the space bar!"
At this point the other programmer on the team piped in with, "We do? I thought we meant Enter."
Duane
"Build a classroom of computers for which all keyboards have one key, and tell your class to press that key. To a person, each will look at you, look at the keyboard, poise their finger over the keyboard, look at you and say, 'This one?'"
www.HearMySoulSpeak.com
Dumbest question I ever got was a person who thought in order to copy Photoshop files to her disk she had to open them in Photoshop and then go to "Save As..." for each individual file. I'm like "Uh no, you can just drag them."
Kick in the Head
I always thought these stories were mostly just urban legends, until a year ago when my wife was trying to transfer pictures from our digital camera to the computer. She connected the camera to the computer's USB port but was stuck at that point.
When she came and got me I immediately saw the problem - the camera wasn't turned on.
When I pointed this out to her, she looked at me with this absolute disbelief and said "it has to be turned on?"
I still occasionaly use it to get my BIOS messages to stay on the screen longer if I'm having problems. (only works if they would scroll, not reset screan and start again at top).
Anyone else (who doesn't remap it) still use the scroll lock sometimes?
Little Brother, watching the watchers
As far back as the early nineties, I remember reading a set of guidelines for technical writers.
One guideline specifically said never to use the language "press any key." The recommended substitute was "press the spacebar."
The users aren't stupid. They're being presented with a complicated and badly designed system, with many keys whose functions aren't obvious, and many others ("Print Scrn") which look obvious but almost never do what the legend suggests.
"How to Do Nothing," kids activities, back in print!
The FAQ once said:
Compaq FAQ: Where is the ANY Key? (FAQ2859)
This is not a key. When you are instructed to press any key, this means you can press any of the keys on the keyboard (such as the Enter key, the R key, or the space bar).
Created: 3/23/99 9:48:24 AM
Modified: 3/23/99 9:48:24 AM
Author: COMPAQ - Marilyn O
So, note what it was actualy created on the 23rd of March 1999.
I also like the old one better, coz if anyone has the need to read this FAQ (other then for laughs) telling them to STRIKE any key isn't a good idea.
Sometimes I wish I was a plumber, then I'd know how to deal with other people's shit.
n/m
Toronto-area transit rider? Rate your ride.
Phew! Glad somebody posted that, I wasn't sure where the any key was on my computer!
During a conversation with a Compaq employee a few years ago I was told this:
We had to rewrite the computer manuals so that the phrase "any key" was replaced by enter (or spacebar or something. I can't remember exactly what replaced "any key")
The sad part is that every tech support employee has probably had somebody ask them about the any key.
"A plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies"- Homer Simpson
It's not a joke. Anyone who's ever had to work with customers from the general public would know that the general public is generally stupid. I worked at a movie theater for two years and I was amazed by the idiocy I witnessed!
I work for a school district. The week before last, I got a voicemail from a kindergarten teacher complaining that I had brought here a PC, when the software she had was all written for the Mac. Her message was about three minutes long, but overall it went something like this (just repeated a couple of times):I had a talk with the principal at the elemtary school, and between tears we managed to figure out how to get the PCP out of that teacher's classroom and replace it with a much more useful (and safer!) Macintosh instead. I'm thinking of petitioning to have my job title changed - surely I'd qualify for hazard pay as a PCP Support Specialist!
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
thanks ac, you are right. it is better reading.
http://www.flyingsnail.com/missingbbs/ct17.html
h ttp://www.flyingsnail.com/missingbbs/ct18.html
maybe slashdot moderators would benefit from reading the following 1981 paper on fairwitnessing?
http://www.flyingsnail.com/missingbbs/ct15.html
http://www.flyingsnail.com/missingbbs/ct16.html
this is all under tha communitree section and the electronic bill of rights, listed there, may be of interest.
yeah, "you can press any one key on your keyboard", for example: "a" (without the quotes) (yes, it's there next to the "s"), c'mon!!
You might think that people were never confused about the 'any key' message in old programs but I actually encounterred such a fellow. When I was in high school the middle school wrestling coach was having some trouble with his computer and he was talking to my coach about it. My coach told him that I was pretty sharp with computers and that he should ask me for help.
When he came to me I decided that I would write a little turbo pascal program to do what he needed for him. Next practice I gave him the program. Later that day I got a phone call from him. He was stumped by the 'press any key to continue' message!
From that point on I was careful to always use the message 'press a key to continue' instead in all of the programs I wrote. I figured that any sensible person would not have trouble with that prompt. For the clueless, they would read that and decide that it meant to press the 'a' key. (Yes the one next to s.) In either case the program would continue.
The strange thing is that to this day I always press the 'a' key when I get prompted by programs like this. (They still exist, distro installs for example.)
- Nobody is born knowing this stuff.
- You've forgotten what it's like to be a beginner.
- If it's not obvious to them, it's not obvious.
- A computer is a means to an end. The person you're helping
probably cares mostly about the end. This is reasonable.
- Their knowledge of the computer is grounded in what they can
do and see -- when I do this, it does that. They
need to develop a deeper understanding, of course, but this can
only happen slowly, and not through abstract theory but through
the real, concrete situations they encounter in their work.
- By the time they ask you for help, they've probably tried
several different things. As a result, their computer might be
in a strange state. That's not their fault.
- Most user interfaces are terrible. When people make mistakes
it's usually the fault of the interface. You've forgotten how
many ways you've learned to adapt to bad interfaces. You've forgotten
how many things you once assumed that the interface would be able
to do for you.
- Knowledge lives in communities, not individuals. A computer
user who's not part of a community of computer users is going to
have a harder time of it than one who is.
Adapted from How to Help Someone Use a Computer...dell has had this on their technical support system since '96 i believe. :)
SIGERR: laziness exceeds quota
Why do you have to press a key to continue at all?
This is rather redundant by this point, but I work for tech support and I never tell people to hit any "key", because I have this conversation nearly every day:
"Go ahead and go to your Start button."
"Start?"
"Start."
"Star button?"
"START button!"
"I don't have one."
"It should be on the lower left hand corner of your screen."
"Nope... I have connect to the internet, my computer, Get AOL, ZoneAlarm, BonziBuddy... oh START button!"
"Yes! Now go to settings..."
"Huh?!"
Users have enough problems with the elements that are right there in front of them. So I just say hit the space bar. They can usually get that one the first time around. Usually.
I have seen someone punch the keyboard after seeing the message "Hit Space Bar".
Naturally it was a sports student so no stereotypes there then.
Old.
That's been around for years now...
The answer says:
The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to strike any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen.
Still not clear *which* of any one of the keys.
Yet it is certainly a step in the right direction.
This would be similar to that extra button on your car's dash that doesn't do anything, but you feel compelled to push it, anyway. And just like that Steven-Wrightesque light switch that seemingly has no function, either, but defies you to not flip it.
Anyone agree?
It's a bit frightening that a good percentage of the world today is technophobic. Is it so hard to grasp that the world is changing? Maybe natural selection is toying with the human race. ;P
There is no need for this kind of faq. Mostly because people that "can't find the any key" can't find this kind of faq either.
Sindri Traustason.
Somebody from Fox News?
They couldn't answer the question without using the word 'Any' in the answer.
During usability testing a user asks:
which key is the any key?
The first developer says, "It's the space key of course."
The second developer responds, "What do you mean! It is the Enter key of course!"
This is not a troll, either. In 18 months, 3 system boards have failed on my personal computer, this last one in less than a month. How do they stay in business if they can't send me one computer that works?
First off, when you are talking to someone over the phone and tell them to "just press any key", I believe they parse that as "just press the NE key", since they are expecting some sort of jargon that they know they won't understand.
Now, obviously, this falls apart when they can't figure out the any key in a written instruction. In those cases, I guess people just read too much into it.
* QED, need to know where the any key is
* think the internet is operated by Microsoft or AOL
* believe the internet is solely comprised of HTTP (my brother could be once quoted as saying "that's not the internet I use", when he spotted me using a prompt based FTP client; he's since become more clueful)
* don't understand that not everybody runs Microsoft products
* don't realize that an "illegal operation" is not going to get you into legal trouble
* buy from spammers
* think the "hard drive" is the case in which the components of their computer resides in, rather than a small box the size of two decks of cards
* must call the local BOFH to turn on their computer daily
In other words, users are idiots.
This sig no verb.
To validate this point:
This summer, we drove from Amsterdam to Paris in a rented car. (We're from the US, FYI). Well, it came time to fill it up, and it occurred to us that the car might be a diesel. So we called up Hertz, and unfortunately for us, the phone system was in Dutch! Looked at the manual, and it was also in Dutch. The gas station attendent, who spoke only French, insisted that the car was a diesel, because he saw the word "diesel" written in the manual. So we go ahead and try to put diesel in the engine, only to find out that the nozzle is too large to go in! It was shaped so you could only put in gasoline!
So yes, in unfamilier situations, even relatively intelligent individuals can act rather wonky...
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
I witnessed an executive officer, when asked to move the cursor on the screen with the mouse, pick up the mouse and place it in the glass surface of the computer monitor to (very awkwardly) move the cursor. While doing this he remarked that he thought there might be something wrong with his mouse because "it doesn't always catch it like it used to."
I did not laugh. I was waiting to pitch a rather complicated proposal concerning the reorganization of some database tables to this same person (my first meeting with them). I was unpersuasive.
The best way to do is to be.
When I had a product out in the field, I had seen the "any" key problem enough that I decided not to do that. In every prompt, I specify exactly which key to depress. The documentation made it clear that a specific key was to be depressed (pressed firmly and then released quickly).
We never got a service call on that point. EVER.
We DID get one call from a technician who said that he pressed the wrong key and it seemed to work anyway. I assured him that he was just fine and to continue working with the product.
As you can guess, the CODE didn't require a specific key, but the documentation and prompt specified one. I also didn't allow type-ahead on those prompts so that there wasn't a problem with astonishing results to clueless users who didn't release the key fast enough. I also had code to wait until the keyboard stopped sending characters before putting up the prompt "Depress the C key to continue."
I'll admit, I laughed when I first heard the joke about clueless users who couldn't find the "any" key.
And that might have been 8 years ago.
Stop it, it's nowhere near funny anymore. And if you refer to the CDROM tray as a cupholder again, I'll strangle you.
-3Suns
~~~~
The Revolution will be Slashdotted
Oh god. Most people, if you told them to "raise any finger" would raise any finger. Why shouldn't they be able to do the same for the computer?
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
Hahaha!
I remember seeing a piece of software a long time ago... (I think it was pkunzip) that didn't ask you to "press ANY key", instead it asked you to "press A key to continue".
I thought this was a perfect solution, the sentance means basically the same thing, and to anyone who knows what they're asking you can continue to blindly flop your hand down on the keyboard hitting whatever is there, however if you really are confused you simply press the letter "A" and that works just fine... limited tech support needed, no FAQ needed to address it, a couple less letters in the prompt, and doesn't restrict the more tech inclined people to any specific key...
Maybe you finally found that listing, but it was posted long ago.
Created: 10/8/2001 2:13:42 AM
Modified: 10/25/2002 11:07:05 AM
Silly, kids. Besides, the ESC key is much, much cooler.
It's all Hood
Hmmm, I pressed "shift" and nothing happened. I then pressed "control", and again nothing happened. Hmmmm, "capslock" and "numlock" did not do anything, either. Ahhh, it must be "esc". Nope, nothing happened, either.
I think they need to be very specific by what they mean by "any", since "any" must not mean "any".
:-)
Everybody knows where the Any key is, but what I'm wondering is, where is the ASCII?
Not surprised myself, I mean they tell people to call 9-1-1 in an emergency situation so that they dont look for an 11 button on their phones.
OK, this IS funny, I have to admit. Seeing something like that on the Compaq site is pretty funny.
But, this is NOT news for nerds, and it sure as hell is NOT STUFF THAT FUCKING MATTERS!
Now, just press any key to mod my ass into the dirt.
I kind of read that whole "Any Key" this as:
"You are stupid. Now you know you are stupid. We know you are stupid. Now you know that we know you are stupid. Remember that the next time you ask us a question."
Take computers, for example. Back in the day, only professionals used computers. Stupid questions like where the "any" key is, which drive to put a 3.5" disk, what every key on the keyboard does, why the "screen went black" when a power outtage happened... ridiculous, no-common-sense questions like these did not exist.
Now, every shmoe has a computer, a power tool of sorts, and doesn't know a damn thing about using it. The ridiculous questions that result are caused by that sort of thing.
Take other examples: shoe makers, key makers, blacksmiths, automobile drivers... there are thousands more examples. They were masters at their craft. Nowadays, their jobs have been replaced by machines, or by idiots who don't know anything about the job. You can easily see the difference between people who deeply understand their jobs and people who don't. Unfortunately, most computer users don't know or care how to use a computer, just as most automobile drivers don't know or care how to drive a car. (People flip over, skid off the road, hit things, and cause all kinds of trouble--especially in SUVs--because they do not understand how to drive, and do not know or care about the consequences of their ignorance.
The answer to this problem is education, and lots of it. Schools nowadays are teaching crap like political correctness, instead of important, interesting, intelligent things like how to do things, how to have respect for what you do, how to do things right.This crappy situation happened because marketing decided that more units needed to be sold; for that to happen, things needed to become user friendly. So complicated operations are (poorly) hidden behind icons and crap. Maybe instead of doing this, computers should have retained the "complicated" user interfaces of yesteryear. With a learning curve as a barrier, users might be forced to learn, and they wouldn't be so stupid.
That's a hilarious article, but Compaq has had that article on their page for years... In fact .. didn't I see that article posted on slashdot a few years ago..?
nobody thought of this link? or did somebody already post it?
Computer stupidities.
Computer Stupidities. It doesn't get updated much if at all any more but it's still hilarious.
The real problem is that most people have a rather limited grasp on the abstract. Psychological research has shown (specifically, research into ethical beliefs) has shown that the majority of humanity can handle only a moderate level of abstraction. A computer is highly abstract --- there are metaphors all over the place, and using a computer requires a great deal of symbolic thinking. For example, most things are iconic. The icon *represents* the file, it is not the file itself. Also, hierarchies are used to abstract the complexity of the underlying structure. Most people just don't handle this sort of abstraction all that well.
Now, this is not to say that they are dumb. They may be perfectly intelligent and capable in other respects. However, most of life's tasks do not require dealing with a great deal of abstraction.
A deep unwavering belief is a sure sign you're missing something...
Sometimes to avoid confusion, software has been written to display "Press a Key" instead of "Press any key". This is so that if the user can't find the 'any' key, they press the 'a' key instead. Now why doesn't software detect to see if the 'a' key was pressed, and if it is always pressed, it should establish that the user has a low IQ. Now, what would a program do knowing this information...?
...it's that bar on the keyboard. It has no letter assigned to it, so it can be any key.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein
Press any key to continue, or any other key to cancel.
Someone at Compaq also posted the "any key" thing in their user forums.
It's an operating system, not a religion.
i don't know if anyone noticed, but this particular Compaq article was originally posted in October of 2001, and modified again a year later.
:)
i'm sure someone hadn't seen it yet, but i saw it way back in 2001.
grey wolf
LET FORTRAN DIE!
Oh for goodness sake... this has been in my sig for months! And for that matter, its been around for years before that!
p g
http://www.instinctdesign.com/work/humor/anykey.j
forma3
Last week I tested SuSE Linux for AMD64.
....)
Yast (the installation program) just said:
"Please press a key to reboot".
(it also works pressing b
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
I got a call once from a guy who said: "Hey! I just got a Fat Al error". I scratched my head, having never heard of a "Fat Al" error and asked him to spell it. He replied "F-A-T-A-L". How he got Fat Al out of fatal I've never quite figured out...
Look, this truly is a horrible post. Do you really think it is funny? Mod it down.
> The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to strike any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen.
As long as that key is not Ctrl, Caps Lock, Alt, and Shift..! The FAQ is wrong! Baaaaah!
Must-not-watch TV!
Today it is not only "nowhere near funny", but also, it's become pointless because there is no single piece of software out there that still asks this stupid question. Evolution?
We're sorry, but you seem to suffer from terminal crabinitis. Please temporarily restrict yourself from posting until you've looked under the couch or wherever it is and found your currently-missing sense of humor.
political_news.c: warning: comparison is always true due to limited range of data type
Didn't that have keys on it to wordprocess etc.?
"Consider the person of average intelligence. Now consider that half of them are even more stupid than that" - (slightly misquoted - if anyone knows who said this please feed back)
Computers are becoming more and more ubiquitous. and it is now very common to find them in homes populated by the people referred to in the above quote (which may be slightly misquoted.) I therefore find it unsurprising that this question is in the FAQ and it is probably no joke at all. However, they blew the answer completely. It should read:
"Consider enrolling in an English course. If we were trying to tell you that there is a key known as the any key we would have written 'Press the any key' rather than 'Press any key'."
Guns don't kill people; Physics kills people! - John Lithgow as Dick Solomon on Third Rock From The Sun
Having sat Win95 support for MS on opening day, I've had a bit of experience with this. Actually had a person call, very serious, ask about the 'any key'. Worst part - I had to find a way to tell her without insulting here in the process.
If that isn't bad enough - I've had both a Tech and a User on the phone spend 20 minutes telling me about how they had tried to save a file to a floppy, and it was obviously an OS problem. The error message? "Not enough disk space". They had apparently spoken to office support before me, formatted multiple floppies and saved other files to them, saved the file to the hard drive (successfully). The two of them together had spent well over an hour and NEVER CHECKED THE FILE SIZE as saved on the hard drive. I had to mute the phone when I finally convinced him to check and the file was ~2MB, and for once in my life almost fell off the chair laughing.
I can say that shit like this happens to everyone, no matter how tech savvy they are. I've taken calls from the clueless and the ones who scared me with their knowledge. Sometimes, the obvious just slips by.
Reality is often funnier than fiction.
The preceeding joke told by all four year olds is matched only in insipid banality by reference to the "Any Key" joke.
-- @rjamestaylor on Ello
I see... why has nobody told me this earlier? But there are so many keys here, it's confusing! Let's just start on the lower left... with the key that says 'Ctrl'... hmm.. nothing happens. Maybe the key with the funky grid symbol on it; probably a Chinese letter, this stuff is all 'made in China' anyways... nothing. The 'Alt' key... nothing! Well, we've tried enough keys on the keyboard already, and none of them seems to work. Let's look somewhere else... maybe this funny icon with the key symbol on my monitor screen? No, nothing, except that my screen is now full of finger prints... Aha! My computer case has a lock, and the key's still in there! Maybe they are talking about this key! Should have thought of it earlier... no, nothing happens. But wait... there are two buttons here... a circle with a minus sign sticking out of it, I wonder what that means... again, no effect. Maybe I have to press and hold the key down... let's try that with this circle-and-minus -sign key... hey! Why has my screen gone blank? Tech support!!! HELP!!!!
"The term "any key" does not refer to a particular key on the keyboard. It simply means to ***STRIKE*** any one of the keys on your keyboard or handheld screen." How many of you would bet Compaq/Hp Customer Support will be flooded with calls and email from users who have struck any key so hard they broke it.....Aren't Compaq users the original how do I fix the coffee cup holder in my pc people?
...can hold the standard 5" CDs, as well as the small 2" CDs.
So, HA!
Isn't the lowest common denominator always 1 and therefore pretty useless mathematically? I think the greatest common denominator is what people mean to say. Something that all numbers (people, etc.) have in common. So I guess that we should say that M$ users are, taken as a set, relatively prime. Interesting....
My other car is first.
I have gotten this question before, and some very smart people asked it too. Mainly it is something that kind of slipps out the first time someone uses a computer because they feel intimidated by them.
I had a simple solution to the "Any" key problem that worked a treat. Instead of messages like
"Press any key to continue"
I reworded the message slightly in some of my applications:
"Press a key to continue"
It works great. The experienced users know what to do, and the users who can't find the "any" key will have more success when they try to find the "a" key.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. - Edmund Burke
Well *I* think it's funny. Besides, I also have a cat, and can definitely sympathize. My cat has helped me with my computer many times in the paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaajhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh4wt5l.jjjjm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Did you think to open the hood and look for spark plugs???
Matt's addition to Occam's Razor:"The most simple answer is preferred by those that are simple."
That way we know to press any key, but those who get confused by this sort of thing will just press the 'a' key. Problem solved!
One could be pedantic and suggest the user learn the use of the definite article.
I agree though that its needed. Often working with Linux people forget simple things in their explanations because they think its obvious when its not.
Old news. I posted that link a while ago!!!
Now I know how SCO feels...
Wait a minute...Linux counter-sues...McBride with the Devil Horns...Code debunkers...Those online satires!!! Oh my God, the Opensource community was right!!!
I used to work for Earthlink and this a way too often joke heard from other technical support folks. We would always have people call us and ask where it is or in the course of helping them something would come up about "hitting the 'any key'" and they would ask where it was. There are some real morons out there that take your word and trust you wayyy too much just because you know more about computers than they do.
The funny part? He had a slight pronunciation problem and kept referring to it as a "Catheter" Light.
"I've had this machine for only a month, and my cather stopped working."
"Excuse me?"
"My blue catheter light. My cold catheter. It burned out."
"Um, err, yeah... Let me transfer you to the RMA department. Hopefully they can relieve the extreme discomfort you must be experiencing."
--All your stolen base are belong to Rickey Henderson
why instead of saying "press any key" didnt they just say "press space bar" or "press enter/return" i mean it's still "any" key...
I was doing tech support for a major PC manufacturer when the guy in the cube next to me mutes his headset and starts laughing his ass off.
The lady on the other end of the line had just powered on her new system and noticed a drop of oil in the CD tray, and promptly called tech support to ask if the system needed to have its oil changed, and if so, how would you do that.
I had another call personally where a guy had problems with his monitor, and decided it was a good idea to take the monitor apart, and start poking around with a screwdriver. It was a good thing he called, or he might have killed himself.
FAQs like this are entirely necessary. Never underestimate the stupidity of your user base.
The Shift key alone doesn't work, nor does the Alt nor Ctrl keys.
;->
So 'any key' is any key that works, which is 'most any key'.
Is that clearer?
Keeper of the terrible karma ---
The "Any" Key
"Press to test. Release to detonate."
...and he grinned, like a fox eating shit out of a wire brush.
My users point at the computer and call it hard drive.
-My PC isn't working, can I come in with the hard drive tomorrow?
-Yes, but I'd prefer if you take the computer.
(I end up with the PC, monitor, mouse and keyboard)
The Sun Type 5 keyboard has what I would consider an 'any' key between escape and F1.
It's a blank key with no writing on it. Time was, you would walk into the computer labs at university and some joker would have scrawled 'any' on this keycap with either a 2H pencil or a permanent marker.
You're doing it wrong.
I bought an Any Key. After some hacking, we replaced the Scroll Lock key with it. It's worth the laugh. :)
Have you read my journal today?
HP with it's terrible support site still managed to answer this question recently... I can't seem to recall what I asked for help on to get the knowledge-base (yeah, right) to spit back a topic like that.. but they did have it, and recently.
> Did you think to open the hood and look for spark plugs???
You'd be surprised at how many people don't know that diesel doesn't use them.
Croft needs to destroy computer so bad guy doesn't get the results of the stuff he was running...so she starts shooting monitors.
One word: eMac. The computer and the display are in the same case. Or, as tomstdenis pointed out, tablet PCs have the monitor right in front of the computer.
Will I retire or break 10K?
I sent this link around to a few co-workers, which led them to respond with a few "oh yeah? Check this out!"
It amazes me our company makes any money. (We develop software.)
"The best one we've seen a couple times is when we ask someone to look for something on their desktop.
'I put an executable on your desktop, use that.'
'Only thing on my desktop is my phone and a legal pad"
"This reminds me of the call I had once... the person assured me she had rebooted her PC 3 times. I asked her to reboot once more... in about 2 seconds, she says "ok, its back up". I ask "which computer did you reboot?". She responded "the one sitting on my desk that I look at". I asked her: "what about the box sitting on the floor?". She said "Oh, I never use that one"."
"I had one last week; where I asked the local office admin to please reboot a desktop for me over in building T. She was unable to reboot the machine. Turns out she had mistaken a portable fan under the desk for a CPU..."
> The proper message is "Press a key to continue" because the worst they will do is press "a"
No, no, no. The proper message should be:
"Press any key to continue or any other key to abort"
See, no more confusion!
I think the thing that saddens me is that with all the computer geeks here on /., nobody seems to remember the history of that which they love (at least, I didn't find a mention about this in the first few top pages of comments)...
Reason is the Path to God - Anon