First PC Virus Spreads to Humans

Davidlost writes "A PC-to-human virus, known as Malwarlaria.B is spreading in humans after a mass spamming in the early hours of Friday morning. It spreads through contact with keyboards on infected PCs. Be afraid, be very afraid."

Comments

Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[MoxCamel]

1992 called, and wants its joke back.

Note to staff: The thing about April 1st jokes is that they should be subtle enough to catch the reader unawares. There's nothing subtle or clever about a constant slew of joke stories, most of which wouldn't fool even my PHB. Consider trying for a ratio of about 5 real stories to 1 "fool" story next year.

(Yeah, I'm being a curmudgeon, so fsck'ing mod me. I like a good April Fool story as much as the next geek, but it stops being funny after a barrage.)

Mox

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Dilbert_]

1992? More like 1970... Wanna bet there's some story floating around about infectious punch-cards somewhere?

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, whenever a "story" has previously appeared in Weekly World News, it's not going to fool anyone.

As far as the 5 to 1 - yeah, good idea, cause then the Tiger Woods as Apple spokesman might have fooled a lot of people...

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[trevdak]

They missed the boat on this joke by not calling it Snowcrash.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[FlopEJoe]

Ah... but we got a real storry if we merge this with http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/03/3 1/170240&tid=191, "Brain-Implanted Chips Allow Control of Technology"

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[PepeGSay]

This April fools Feels particularly uninspired

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[sumdumass]

Well, infectious puchcards are more realistic then a computer virus.

Just imagine a worker with hepetitus and doesn't know it because he hasn't seen a doctor since the last cocain party he was at. Now he was handling the cards, aven after sneezing,touching his eyses and mabey some other body parts with fluids. Not get a paper cut form one of the puch cards he was handling?

I have no idea if that could even hapen but it sounds liek it could. Kind of like getting aids from drinking after someone with it.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[_xeno_]

Personally, I think Slashdot should do a total of two April 1st stories. One should be a Slashdot prank, and be done at or around 6AM GMT. Something like "removing the ability to post anonymously" or "due to an FBI subpeona, we will be retroactively displaying the actual poster of all AC posts starting April 15th" - something that's mildly plausible but clearly not really happening.

(Actually, they already did the first one. It wasn't that funny because it was buried among a deluge of other April 1st stories.)

The second story should be done some time later in the day, and should be a wrap-up of the various funny April Fools jokes done on other sites. Simply collecting and reporting on every single April Fools joke out there is, as the parent post says, simply a barrage of pointlessness.

Yes, we know, it's April 1st. It's deadly obvious. A good April 1st joke requires someone to look at the calendar and say "oh, it's April 1st!" So far, that hasn't really applied.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Zaiff Urgulbunger]

Note to staff: The thing about April 1st jokes is that they should be subtle enough to catch the reader unawares. There's nothing subtle or clever about a constant slew of joke stories, most of which wouldn't fool even my PHB. Consider trying for a ratio of about 5 real stories to 1 "fool" story next year.

Note 2: Some countries are no longer in "fool" time and as a consequence, I was able to see this "news" article for what it was quite clearly!

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

1992 called, and wants its joke back.

2000 called and wants their insult back......(sigh)

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[eyegor]

Even better:

Make it appear to be an anonymous posting to the poster only. Everyone else sees their ID.

Hilarity ensues

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[BoomerSooner]

Amen, I hope this bullshit ends soon. Thank "God" that the next two fucking April Fools fall on Saturday & Sunday.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Striikerr]

Makes me think of the Simpsons where Bart was looking at the "Where's Waldo" book. Waldo was standing there in the middle of an empty field with his hands in his pockets looking bored. The parallel to the April 1st jokes this year is pretty clear. No effort. To paraphrasae yet another Simpson's character.... "Worst April Fool's Day ever"

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Gentoo Fan]

This April fools Feels particularly uninspired

So it's like every April Fools Day on Slashdot for the past 5 or so years...

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[ajs]

"Note to staff: The thing about April 1st jokes is that they should be subtle enough to catch the reader unawares."

Note to Slashdot readers new to the concept (your UID says one thing, your post says another): Slashdot is a Web Log in the original sense (not the modern "I wanna type where everybody knows my name" sense), and as a result they report on the goings on of the day on the Net. If you have a problem with the idea that people are putting up lame-ass April fools jokes today -- and so that's what there is to "log" on Slashdot -- then go create something wonderfully inventive on April 1 next year!

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[mormop]

What really disturbs me is that presumably, enough people were taken in by this, to justify this.

No wonder estate agents and used car salesman have such an easy time

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Xoro]

Unbelievable.

People still think Slashdot is trying to fool them by posting dozens of fake news links -- how clever of you to see through the completely obvious. If you were any more dense you'd bend light.

I guess even if the stories aren't funny, we can still laugh at you.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[sbeashwar]

Nice Try !

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Lovesquid]

I was actually GLAD to hear that this one was not an April Fool's joke:

Pat Buchanan doused with Salad Dressing

Real life is much more hilarious than fiction.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[bob_herrick]

Those into Everquest might look at the reponse to Allakhazam's hoax annoncement of fee increases and time based charges. It got me at first, along with a lot of others.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[b1t r0t]

Now he was handling the cards, aven after sneezing,touching his eyses and mabey some other body parts with fluids.

Eeeeeeewww! Punch card pr0n!

Wouldn't jizzing on the cards tend to jam the reader?

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, much better would be a headline like:

McBride accuses Gates of infecting him with anal warts. Ballmer moves out, citing irreconcilable differences.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[qurk]

Honestly, I find people who complain about April 1st fun to be much much more annoying than the fake stories. I mean, what are they supposed to do on April 1? Like there's going to be a million legit stories on April 1 that the editors are ignoring to shove these fake jokes down your throat, just to personally piss you off!

:) Seriously, lighten up guys!!!

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[rjelks]

My doctor just told me I tested positive for Malwarlaria.B, you insensitive clod.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

Agreed. And none of them are half as good as the classic Signetics joke. I email that one around the office every year. People are amused by it. So amused by it, in fact, that they make snorting sounds, throw things at me, and leave the room.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Sheepdot]

No offense, but are there *any* websites out there that promise to report actual news on April 1st? This is boring and ridiculous every year.

Seriously, there are legitimate stories out there. Like the Pope's health. I'm not even Catholic and I'd like to know if anyone would even believe he died today because of all the stupid April Fools crap.

This gets old. VERY old. If you want to be subtle, like the parent suggests. Do at most one really, really, good subtle joke.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Reene]

I have no idea if that could even hapen but it sounds liek it could. Kind of like getting aids from drinking after someone with it.

I hope this is misplaced and you're just being facetious, but you don't "get AIDS" from anyone; you develop AIDS after contracting HIV.

And you can't contract HIV simply by drinking after someone (even if they bleed a little on the cup)...You can't even get it by kissing them, barring the both of you having a decently sized open bleeding wound in the mouth, at which point I'd hope both of you wouldn't feel up to kissing much of anyone anyway.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

The jerk store called, and they're all out of you!

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[sumdumass]

Yes, i think i understand the point you are making that about my statment.

I asure you i wasn't attempting to disiminate information to make people scared about aids but only comparing how it is belivable enough for people to have thought it could. It was meant to be more of a statment of how plausible the punchcard infections could be rather then saying how you get aids. I guess i used some poor wording and maybe a touchy subject for many. You goto admit though, without being educated on aids and how it spreads, most people wouldn't know it was false. Maby so many people even with education would still think it could happen and that is why you felt the neccesity to post.

To all those in doubt, you cannot get aids from drinking after someone. Unless that drink is alcohol and you end up having decisionly impared unprotected sex that gives you H.I.V. and the not treating it allows it to turn into aids.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[taanstaafl]

I agree with you. My dentist said he could get HIV from inhaling my tooth dust. He is misinformed or am I. I have always sorta wondered about saliva, snot, and tears too.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

Hmmm We don't need an April Fool joke.... as long as there is Microsoft Windows.... lol

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Reene]

Point taken, then. It is a touchy subject for me.

The punchcard thing is a bit more plausible, though...All sorts of nasty things collect on old stuff like that. A case of a guy getting a necrotic wound from scratching himself on an old bedpost while moving comes to mind. You'd have to be really unlucky, but you could theoretically get the same thing from a papercut.

At the very least, it's more than possible you could get an infection that would require prescription-strength topical antibiotics. Nothing life-threatening (as long as it's not staph and it doesn't turn necrotic) but still something to worry about whenever you get a wound from something likely to be swimming with bacteria and viruses (dusty old punchcards, again, being a good source of both).

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess they knew who to call to get more jerks.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[Reene]

Realistically, HIV almost _always_ needs some kind of direct way of getting into the bloodstream to cause infection. The myth about HIV being a "homosexual disease" has some basis in fact because of this; the nature of anal sex makes it more likely that abrasions and bleeding will occur which facilitates the transfer of HIV. Naturally, this is possible with heterosexual anal/vaginal sex as well, but the association with male homosexual sex should be obvious.

HIV cannot be transferred via tears, snot, or saliva to my knowledge (IANAD). And either way you'd need an open wound of some kind to make transferring it even remotely statistically likely. :) Tooth enamel certainly offers no risk, so short of drilling past the enamel and into the pulp to the point of bleeding (and miniscule amounts of aerosolized blood...well, do I even have to say it?) it's not possible.

Re:Oh, tee-hee, it is to laugh

[skybird0]

They're called "Whoopee Cards."

Actually not, a Whoopee Card is a card with all the holes punched out. Used to jam various unit record machines.

Oh Nos!!!!11

[Dak_Peoples]

I think I caught and need to leave work early today! :(

Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Winckle]

Banally overdoing april fools day

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[IANAAC]

I've given up any hope of reading anything interesting for the day.

I'll come back tomorrow to pick up where we left off yesterday :-)

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

I agree. The pope's dying story is a much better april's fool.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[TheViffer]

The only day of the year when "First Post" messages are more informative then the article.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Sexy Bern]

Does NetCraft confirm it?

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[QQoicu2]

Hmm. Seems like first posts actually are more informative, on a regular basis...

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently The Pope just died.

Not confirmed, but being reported.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[temojen]

The local paper here had a front page story (below the fold) about the pope recovering. I thought it was the april fools joke.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[first.last]

I was going to rant about the death of the last pope interupting my Saturday morning cartoon shows, but with my karma being what it is, I'll refrain.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Fizzog]

At least that was better than the World Cup telecast being interupted because OJ Simpson was driving on a freeway in Los Angeles...

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[first.last]

And this time the Final Four games and the Nascar races are going to be interupted. I'm an athiest, but I'm praying he'll survive for another 15 years on life support...

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Teja]

The only day of the year where I'd rather be at K5 than here.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[TCQuad]

FoxNews stole your idea without credit.

Exact transcript from Fox news at cut-in to an Italian news conference at 1:23PM (thank you, TiVo):

Unknown female voice: "Why can no one hear me? I'm screaming into the mic. Hello?"
Female translator: "The windows from which the Pope faces to address the crowds. OK, immeadiately we give the lines-"
Unknown female voice: "Hello, the Pope is dead. The Pope is dead. Someone-"
Female translator: "The news that is arriving."
Unknown female voice: "The Pope is dead."
Shepard Smith (Fox News host): "Well, it is certainly unfortunate that is the way that happened."

Ah, Fox. Better to be first than right.

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Jaseoldboss]

Spare a thought for those of us 'lucky' enough to get mod points to try and use up on these stories!

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Anonymous Coward]

And only 12 days after they removed his feeding tube...

Re:Fatal Virus Spreads to /. editors

[Anonymous Coward]

Well the Shiavo story didn't quite make it tho...

Goddamn

[Eric(b0mb)Dennis]

The whole page is all april fools day jokes.

I was reading slashdot and my dad just about flipped out when readying 2 of the stories, believing them!

IT was so hilarious to see him cursing out bush for cancelling the shuttle program

Re:Goddamn

[muuo]

When will this be over?
I would like to get back to real news that us nerds can use.

Re:Goddamn

[Anonymous Coward]

You must be new here

Re:Goddamn

[Frank T. Lofaro Jr.]

Where would you find that?

(even on other days of the year)

*yawn*

[op12]

This is getting ridiculous.

I DID NOT EXPECT THIS

[Jailbrekr]

Christ, if you are going to post an april fools joke, at least MAKE IT FUNNY. Y'know, zombie pope funny.

Re:I DID NOT EXPECT THIS

[Anonymous Coward]

OK, is this "zombie pope funny"?

http://durrrrr.blogspot.com/

Re:I DID NOT EXPECT THIS

[rleibman]

Where are my mod points when I need them? Zombie Pope....hee, hee

Re:I DID NOT EXPECT THIS

[hesiod]

That is frickin hilarious!!!! :)

Sigh...

[Anonymous Coward]

Just posting the required "Why do I even bother on April 1st?" comment.

I wonder ...

[didjit]

if next we'll find that Windows XP is susceptible to the avian flu pandemic?

April Fools!

[sp3d2orbit]

Then again...

The things I worry about this hoax

[tekiegreg]

A) That this hoax will spread around and find it's way into my inbox daily for the next 10 years...*sigh* set Spam Filter: If messageText="Malwarlaria" then Bounce message.

B) Eventually some jerk will make a real (even if just computer) virus of that same name.

C'est la vie....

Re:The things I worry about this hoax

[someonewhois]

Yeah, except that the virus writers aren't the ones who actually name their virus...

Re:The things I worry about this hoax

[mrchaotica]

C'est la vie....

...in bed

You're in bed with your computer? So it's a sexually-transmitted computer virus, then?

Re:The things I worry about this hoax

[wackysootroom]

Well obviously you haven't learned the difference between a male and female IO Port yet have you?

Re:The things I worry about this hoax

[bcmm]

I'm sure the CDC mentioned this idea at some point, ages ago...

stupid

[kk49]

In Other News: slashdot can figure out that I have no message body, but can't figure out if a story is a dupe.

Really?

[MrAnnoyanceToYou]

Was it a virus involving spamming? Slashdot editors seem to have caught it somewhere in the last ten hours or so.

Cybersex

[Anonymous Coward]

Is this because of cybersex?

geez!

[theMerovingian]

Now I'm getting diseases from my internet girlfriend too!

(just kidding if you're reading this honey)

Re:geez!

[I_am_God_Here]

Now I'm getting diseases from my internet girlfriend too

With the iching and the burning? I've had that.

Re:geez!

[Anonymous Coward]

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted a pearl necklace... but it went over her head...

Re:geez!

[Anonymous Coward]

1. Now I'm getting diseases from my internet girlfriend too!
   
   (just kidding if you're reading this honey)

Nice April Fool's there. For a second I actually believed a /.er had a girlfriend.

Re:geez!

[Anonymous Coward]

There is no way anyone's girlfriend, internet or not, would be reading Slashdot, so she must fake.

So you have a fake internet girlfriend. Is there a support group for people like you?

Re:geez!

[Anonymous Coward]

The last name of my internet girlfriend is jpg, maybe she's related to your's? :)

Oh NO!!

[reidleake]

I think I already got it.

Infectious

[fulldecent]

In Soviet Russia, users infect computers...


... wait, it's pretty much like that everywhere

Re:Infectious

[suso]

Maybe the virus was passed using one of those F*u/F*me devices that goes in a 5.25" drive bay. Anyone remember those?

Re:Infectious

[HalliS]

Oh my head! My aching head! aaahhrrgh...

DO YOU WANT TO BUY SOME V14GRA FOR ENLARGING YOUR PEN1Z?

Re:Infectious

[Anonymous Coward]

I think this is it: http://www.fu-fme.com/

Zombies

[maotx]

Infected users have been spotted mass-mailing commercial advertisements to residents and buisnesses alike to "enl4rg3 th3ir g1r7h and l3ng7h"
Some instances have been reported of the infected gathering in large numbers, known as Destroyers of Sells (DoS), at major corporations and retailers to block the the doors allowing noone in. Symptoms include slow performance, to much chatter (blondes excepted), and zombie like movements demanding the brains of a v14gra man.

Re:Zombies

[UrgleHoth]

If you are a eunuch, is this virus voluntary?

Re:Zombies

[Anonymous Coward]

And there's one dude handing out manila folders to everyone he meets, shouting, "Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice. See you later! Thanks"

Ooooo, this is scary!

[mranchovy]

....and cannot possibly be yet another April Fool's gag. I'm covering my keyboard with plastic right now!



(not)

Zzz.....

[Seft]

I'm glad I'm not paying for this junk....

April, 1st

[FASTo]

wonderful !

Imagina a Beowulf cluster of these!

[behemot]

EOM

Worst. April Fool. Evar. nt

[spasticfraggle]

Seriously.

No wonder the SA joke sounds so real this morning

[Anonymous Coward]

Who will believe such a joke ... not even in slashdot

OH please

[Anonymous Coward]

This is worse than the worst. The BBC halflife thing was better

spokesmen were quoted as saying

[Anonymous Coward]

"nyuck nyuck nyuck"

*sighs*

[Devalia]

I guess it's bad luck to do these after 12pm? Couldnt we have standardised on an earlier time zone cos they get rather annyoing after a while.. say 7 hours ago BST :(

First Post

[Anonymous Coward]

...hehehe

Er?

[matthew.thompson]

Aren't these meant to stop at midday?

it's definitely AFTER 12 noon

[Herbster]

Come on now, everyone knows April Fool's jokes have to be done BEFORE 12 noon else it doesn't count!

wait...

this must be REAL! cos SURELY CmdrTaco wouldn't make a mistake like that above!!!!! *reaches for alcohol wipes*

;)

Re:it's definitely AFTER 12 noon

[JohnCC]

Exactly. Make an April fools joke past 12pm and the jokes on you!

Are we the 1st April ?

[Anonymous Coward]

Probably an April's Fool.

At least the April Fools Jokes are more blatant

[Anonymous Coward]

Around here they used to be clever hoaxes that would anger many, but now... it gives you a nice warm smile as you realize that it's too obvious.

April Fools

[drspliff]

Come on people.. hundereds of thousands of geeks read slashdot every day, and we can only come up with trash like this?

Anybody have suggestions

Re:April Fools

[redheaded_stepchild]

How about....

Slashdot interviewing outside firms to come up with creative content. Areas of website included will be Polls and April Fools Day stories.

God I wish this were true.

harf harf

[cyanics]

gotta love 4.1 humor.

narf.

This is getting stupid

[Anonymous Coward]

Grow up guys. One fake story is funny but anything past that is childish.

Is it any wonder why some people laugh at /.?

Lame Lame Lame

[Anonymous Coward]

By any chance is this an April Fool's joke on the /. crowd?

p/owened

oh yeah 1st post!

Hopefully it can be stopped

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh my god! I hope it doesn't affect my Linux servers!

It's after noon

[sapbasisnerd]

In much of the /. reading world and more importanly according to the /. system clock and I was always told that April Fool's pranks played after noon work in reverse, they make the teller the April Fool.

802.11

[NotoriousQ]

Phew. I was afraid that those 802.11 chips I had embedded into myself made me more susceptible to the virus. But seeing how it only spreads through the keyboard...... .....uh oh...... I knew I should have implanted a usb keyboard driver chip as well. Well I will go find a plastic bubble / faraday cage combo, and will sit there untill this thing blows over.

I will see you later.

Enough

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, the whole April Fools articles got old about 12 hours ago... lets move on pleash!

Aha

[John Jorsett]

This would explain why I have a sudden urge to make unsolicited telephone sales calls.

April Fool's

[balster neb]

It's bad enough that Slashdot's front page is dominated by April fool's day jokes on this day of the year, but the least they can do is to try to put GOOD ones. Ones that actually make you laugh, for instance.

Enough is enough

[IamLarryboy]

Taco! Can we PLEASE abandon this horrid practice of nothing but bullshit all day on April fools. IT JUST ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE! But I am sure all this hate won't help. Just fix you fscking site! please.

Is it fatal?

[93,000]

That would at least spare me the rest of the day reading this bunk.

Burning, Itching Feeling

[Artie_Effim]

Crap, I like totally have that. I think I have it. I itch and sneeze and cough and, oh wait ... IS THIS ANOTHER FUCKING APRIL FOOLS JOKE???? Assholes, could you please not try to scare me like that. Oh My God, I think I'm having a slashdot stress induced heart attack. I I'm suing all you bastards !!

OMG

[Anonymous Coward]

I have to stop touching myself.

Lame

[Compulawyer]

Lame Lame Lame Lame Lame. This is the WORST attempt at humor I've seen in a LONG time.

My God You Guys Are Slow

[StefanoB]

4 more hours and April 1 2005 is finished. Hopefully the pope by then too so we can get on with our lifes.

Cheers,

Stefano

REPOST

[Anonymous Coward]

you guys made this post last week!

come on read your own articles!

Please stop

[Anonymous Coward]

Just stop.

Please.

It is not even fun anymore.

You ruined April's Fool day you insensitive clods!

Oh crap

[Anonymous Coward]

I think I may have caught this virus from a certain website because I started growing hair on my palms after I visited it.

Taco Taco Taco CmdrTaco!

[Anonymous Coward]

It seems as though, on April First, is the only time Taco really does his job, which isn't serious at all.

Stop posting Stupid Stories and Jokes and get back to what you are good at! DUPES DUPES DUPES DUPES!

Announcement from the White House

[AtariAmarok]

President George W. Bush: "In response to this human catastrophe, I am calling Kuala Lampur right now to recall the ambassador to Malwarlaria."

Re:Announcement from the White House

[WillAffleckUW]

President George W. Bush: "In response to this human catastrophe, I am calling Kuala Lampur right now to recall the ambassador to Malwarlaria."

Sadly, that doesn't just work on April 1st. It works any day.

I rolled a natural one...

[fat man with a monke]

... and I could still tell this was a shitty joke.

pebcak

[icebrrrg]

It spreads through contact with keyboards on infected PCs

that's not all that spreads through keyboards. apparently, there's a little-known (but rampant!) problem circulating throughout the workaday world. the only ones who know the true scope of this ever-growing malaise are IT support staff. what is it? the official name pebcak, in l33tsp33k referred to as id10-t.

I nearly believed it!

[nigham]

Its already the 2nd in Asia. Then, I figured.

Even Better Joke

[Anonymous Coward]

Wouldn't a true Slashdot April Fools Joke be one where all the articles throughout the day WEREN'T fake?

that's nothing

[codergeek42]

Winderz ExPee is susceptible to a lot more than that. Remember the Blaster worm ?

Thank you!

[lorcha]

Thank you for reminding me why I hate reading slashdot on April 1.

See ya tomorrow!

In other news...

[handmedowns]

NY Times is no longer requiring registration... ..

Funniest april fool...

[EpsCylonB]

Apparently there was a bmw ad in a british newspaper advertising "the worlds first hands free steering wheel due to a EU ban on right hand drive cars".

Also on bbc radio 2 they pretended that a memorial to the queen mum was going to be lump of granite placed in pall mall. Lots of of people got quite upset about it, funny really.

Indeed Cmdr!

[Robotron23]

In Korea, only old people catch Malwarlaria.B. :)

Most boring day on slashdot

[Anonymous Coward]

Today was the most boring day on slashdot, with stories that 10 year olds would not believe. And we are supposed to call them april fool's jokes?

I hope...

[Tribbin]

I hope I get the Kournikova virus!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[cbreaker]

The last few years I've looked forward to trying to guess which Slashdot story was the fake one on April 1st. I think Last Years was pretty good, but I don't really remember.

But when you try to do it over and over like this it's really stupid and takes away all the fun of it.

Re:I couldn't have said it better myself.

[locr1an]

Perhaps the joke this year is that one of these stories is actually legit? God knows it's probably the Paris Hilton one ...

Re:I couldn't have said it better myself.

[cbreaker]

Hehe yea, I was actually thinking that. But then I realized that the Slashdot "editors" just aren't that savvy.

Re:I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Anonymous Coward]

Huh? In the last few yours I've learned not to expect anything from Slashdot on April Fools day. It seems like the last two years there have been like 2 real stories on April first, amid a dozen "jokes". I wouldn't even bother checking Slashdot today if I wasn't really bored.

I agree with the both of you that less is more. This is not fooling anyone, and it isn't funny.

Slashdotters are lame

[mollog]

The people who insist on pointing out the obvious fact that these 'news articles' are in fact, gags, are lame. Not only are they humor impaired, they lack the wit to form a thoughtful criticizism of the gags. Please note that there is a difference between being discerning and being critical. Many don't get that disctinction and think themselves clever when they are able to find fault. It's too bad so many of us can't attempt even a minimal retort in the spirit that the slashdot admins are showing. Come on people, are we so weak minded we can't even think up a clever response to this stuff?

Re:Slashdotters are lame

[MyLongNickName]

"You suck looser!"

Re:Slashdotters are lame

[Anonymous Coward]

the fact is these stories are not funny because i they are just LAME>

Hahahah!

[xv4n]

Who are you trying to fool buddy? this is /.

It wasn't funny...

[pistaugh]

...here either:

http://www.betterhumans.com/News/news.aspx?article ID=2003-04-01-1

Way too much april fools crap...

[Anonymous Coward]

It's time to vaporize all this nonsense: I'm tired of being yanked around by every previously-credible site I visit daily. Put a duck in the header and knock it off.

Easy solution to this virus

[WillAffleckUW]

Unplug your keyboard.

Unplug your telephone.

Pull out the battery to your cell phone.

Pull out the battery to your beeper.

Take a deep cleansing breath and think about fluffy bunnies in a verdant field of flowers.

Say "I wish it was April" five times while walking widdershins around your Hybrid Car.

And you're cured!

Re:Easy solution to this virus

[ilsa]

April Fools Day is also curable with sufficient b33r.

(Drink until loss of consciousness, hope this doesn't happen.)

Re:Easy solution to this virus

[WillAffleck]

April Fools Day is also curable with sufficient b33r.

Nope, it has to be cider. Hard apple cider. The good stuff.

Unless it's fr33 bh33r.

Probably caught it from...

[otis wildflower]

... one of these...

I donno about you...

[4_Minor_Drawbacks]

But I am getting REALLY tired of April Fools Day now.

I think they've topped...

[Anonymous Coward]

I think the Slashdot staff has topped (or bottomed?) last years horrible April Fools issue. I mean come on, what is this like the 12th one today? I mean NOBODY believed the Tiger Woods story... C'mon do you think we're all FOOLS?

Please, you are boring us

[ip_freely_2000]

You just don't put the care into your schemes like you used to

Here's how it works

[exp(pi*sqrt(163))]

On April Fool's Day the idea is that you tell people stuff that isn't true so that they are fooled into believing it and we get to laugh at them. The important thing is that they need to be fooled into believing it. Just saying stuff that isn't true kinda misses the point. Admittedly it makes the speaker of the untrue stuff seem like a fool but April Fool's Day is more about make other people seem like fools than being a fool yourself. You're allowed to do the latter any day of the year. Make sense?

If you lack the skill to fool other people another alternative is to say stuff that's untrue but funny. I've always felt this was a poor substitute for playing a joke on someone else but it is generally considered an acceptable form of April Fool's Day behavior.

Anyway, now you're ready and armed to properly enjoy this special day that's granted to us but once a year.

Re:Here's how it works

[xv4n]

My prank for today's fools celebration was simple but pretty effective. I told unsuspecting innocent individuals the sun was about to explode (!) Oh their faces!!!!

Re:Here's how it works

[raddan]

On April Fool's Day the idea is that you tell people stuff that isn't true so that they are fooled into believing it and we get to laugh at them.

Here's the way it's always worked for me... My mom calls me at some dreadfully early hour, when my brain is barely grasping at consciousness, and says "Happy Birthday!". She's so clever.

It works especially well on me because my birthday is actually a few days from now, so it sounds about right, and I get all excited, and... oh... damn you, Mom! Next year I drink a bunch of Google Gulp and we'll see who's fooled then!!!

Pope Died

[cayenne8]

Apparently just a few minutes ago...

It spreads through contact with keyboards...

[Anonymous Coward]

"It spreads through contact with keyboards on infected PCs. Be afraid, be very afraid"

Aren't I glad I own a Mac?

I hear it's a STD

[Eric Damron]

You geeks make me sick!

Re:I hear it's a STD

[SmokeHalo]

STD = Software Transmitted Disease?

This just in

[davmoo]

Slashdot is, as usual, obviously the *last* place I should be looking for tech news today. Guess I don't need to bother with Slashdot, or most other FOSS news sites, until Saturday.

One joke story, even two, would be funny. Any more is useless, and Slashdot takes it to the point of being pathetic.

The interesting thing is how "real" tech news sites like news.com don't resort to that crap. They simply do what they do every day...report the tech news. Its too bad Slashdot can't be as mature and intelligent.

Re:This just in

[BlakeCaldwell]

ya, this is 14/\/\3

Re:This just in

[SmokeHalo]

The interesting thing is how "real" tech news sites like news.com don't resort to that crap.

Actually, they have been. They simply let it be known that the articles are, in fact, gags. Sure, they have real news too, but of course their reporters are paid to report real news because it's their job. Last I heard, /. didn't have any reimbursement system for voluntary story submissions.

It's Friday, it's April Fool's Day, and there appear to be a hell of a lot of us having some fun. So let's all just go with the flow. Everybody mambo!

Re:This just in

[davmoo]

I'm not trying to be King Asshole, and to a point would even agree with you. The problem I have is when Slashdot goes overboard. Instead of being able to glance at the site and see if anything "important" has happened, I have to sit and read closely to sort out the one or two possibly real stories from the 574 joke ones.

Over the years I have come to depend on Slashdot as one of my major sources of "stuff that matters". When I get up in the morning, and at various times of the day, when I sit down at my machine I first look at email, then I look at Slashdot. And it bothers me when the one day of the year they can't be depended on for anything but fertilizer falls on a business day when plenty of "real" news happens.

Can anyone else see...

[Anonymous Coward]

... our nation's great leader contacting the CDC or WHO about this?

April Fool's would be funnier if...

[Ced_Ex]

They totally catch everyone unaware by posting the article on July 17th.

Who would expect it then?

Past Noon

[Anonymous Coward]

It's past noon guys. Give it up already.

It's about the same as usual

[StCredZero]

Posting this as a "good" April Fool's joke is just about the same as posting a "serious" story about a nanotech-based sticker that will improve your cell phone battery.

And yes, I'll agree. This doesn't even get up to the PHB level! Slashdot needs science editors with a clue!

Pope

[Anonymous Coward]

Blow it out your pope hole!

Note to self.

[TractorBarry]

1 Don't bother looking at Slashdot on April 1st again - EVER.

2 Probably best to skip April 2nd too (that's when the dupes will appear)

Honestly one well written, slightly believable, story would have been great (maybe two at a push) but today Slashdot smelled worse than a dead Tramps feet dipped in dogshit.

Stuff like this makes baby Jebus cry...

Re:Note to self.

[Ranger]

Yes, this is the LAMEST April Fool's story I've ever seen.

3. Go see A Flock of Beavers in public and not get arrested for staring.

A1 joke

[lcam]

Read http://gentooexperimental.org/nt I give it a 9/10 rating. I believed for the 5 minutes I was thinking about how dumb the idea was.

Same crap different year

[dbfruth]

Aril 1st is the one day that I don't bother reading Slashdot. It's the same crap every year. If a fake story was thrown in among a bunch of real stories it might be different. But my god talk about over doing it.

fortunatly

[Anonymous Coward]

"apple users unaffected"

I thought noon was the cutoff point for jokes?

[crivens]

I thought noon was the cutoff point for jokes?

Umm

[temojen]

Wasn't this a movie plot about that time?

what type of gloves are recommended ?

[cinnamon colbert]

We currently double glove, with nitrile over latex, but I hear that gloves made from diamond coated (CVD, chemical vapor deposistion) BeO (berylium oxide) reinforced PEEK (polyetheretherketone) work really well.

Stop whining, toolbag. Just come back tomorrow.

[Anonymous Coward]

It's April 1, the day when the Nerds pour out of their dark cubes to cry openly about the lack of "real" news. You'll hear whining like:

Where are the real stories?
Hey, the idea is to be subtle.
Seriously, this isn't funny. How about some serious news?
Haha, you really got me. NOT FUNNY.

and so many more. Like true geeks, they're all out to (a) prove they weren't in the least bit fooled, eyes rolling all the way, and (b) demonstrate the usual nerd's total lack of any humour whatsoever.

Put away all that snark and go outside for some fresh air, dummies. Come back at one after midnight for your precious fix.

Lame....

[Master of Transhuman]

Very lame...

Now, the Corrboard put up a notice saying it was closing down because the Webmaster no longer liked the Corrs music. He added a link to his "new" Website.

Figuring his site had been hacked, or the domain hijacked, I naturally did NOT click the link, as I didn't want to get infected with something on my lame Windows side of the machine.

So I emailed someone else to find out when the board would be back up, since I knew the message was nonsense.

Turns out it was an April Fool's joke the site owner has done for the last four years.

I felt like Andrea Corr when she forgets which song is next in the set list at a concert (which happens a lot to her!) - I forgot it was April 1st!

In comparison, the /. story is just...lame, lame...

You need....

[mikael]

... the Random slashdot story generator

Re:You need....

[Flinx_ca]

These are better/funnier than the stories being posted today!

Re:You need....

[number]

these are great!

"Federal Judge John Carmack has ordered the break up of Novell after ruling they are a monopoly. The decision calls for Novell to be broken up into two parts: one to concentrate on manufacturing Tivos the other on OpenBSD development. Competitors such as Boeing and open source projects like vi shuold be very pleased with the decision."

"Monkey points us to an article over at The Register that has some pretty wicked quotes from Pope John Paul II about AltaVista. He thinks that AltaVista should focus less on profits and more on decapitating zombies. Pope John Paul II says "Instead of pouring money into the black hole of developing flying cars, they should focus on decapitating zombies and the profits will come their way." There are many more interesting tidbits in the article, but I'll let you discover and discuss them."

Re:You need....

[mikael]

My favourites (at the moment, as there is always something new...)

Microsoft Stopping Development On Windows Media Player
Posted by brian on Sat April 02, 11:11 AM
from the have fun hitting reload page dept.
Jefro101 writes "According to a story on CNET Microsoft announced today that they are stopping development on Windows Media Player. I know most Slashdotters hate MS, but Windows Media Player is used by a lot of Linux gurus who'll have to search for an alternative. Might be a good oportunity for developers of KOffice to step in and fill the void."



Time Travel Being Used In The Playstation 3
Posted by brian on Sat April 02, 11:12 AM
from the have fun hitting reload page dept.
Definitely a must have. The new Playstation 3 will be using technology gleaned from research on time travel. This should put the Playstation 3 at the top of the heap, and have their competitors scrambling to catch up. It's sure to be the hot new gizmo for all the mobile business executives who need help with starting World War III.

Re: Stop whining, toolbag. Just come back tomorrow

[Anonymous Coward]

We might have a sense of humor if there was actualy any humor to be found here.

Overkill

[Eminence]

On April Fool's Day media run one or two fake stories. As I see all stories on today's /. seem to be fakes. To make it worse, the last one is so obvious it hurts. Come on guys, world doesn't halt for this day - there are even some places where this custom isn't know! There must be some real, relevant news out there!

I'm tired already of the 04-01-05.

It's a human virus, remember

[AtariAmarok]

"A) That this hoax will spread around and find it's way into my inbox daily for the next 10 years

If it an STD, then your email inbox should not be the inbox you are protecting.

Inappropriate

[RapmasterT]

I like jokes as much, probably more, than most people. Usually, in as much poor taste as possible.

However, where I draw the line is when journalistic, or supposedly credible information resources resort to disseminating false information under the guise of "good fun"

It's especially bad in magazines where you might be reading the April 1 issue a month or more before the actual date. PC Magazine was somewhat notorious for this, and eventually I found myself wondering if some articles were real or just BS.

Is that REALLY the position a tech resource wants it's readers to be in?

Leave the jokes and tricks to friends, coworkers, and email, keep it away from anyplace you expect to be taken seriously.

Hah! I already have protection.

[whitetiger0990]

I never touch anything without my spray-on "second skin". People were just calling me paranoid but NO! I have them now.

OT: Lookup by id (your sig)

[Anonymous Coward]

(I'm posting this here because your journal doesn't appear to allow comments... next time you might want to enable that so we don't have to spam an article to answer your question.)

http://slashdot.org/users.pl?uid=822545. This is one of those old secrets on Slashdot. Users used to be looked up that way until they added the ~ notation, but the old way still works.

The Cure .....

[mnemonic_network]

Maybe this will "cure" the spamer problem....

So we've gone from reprinting old news to this...

[Anonymous Coward]

Yes after the decline in quality and ascent of "old news, today!" lately, Slashdot has overdone April Fools Day to the point where people are screaming that they JUST. WANT. IT. TO. STOP.
Or maybe they just finally decided out of coincidence to just start making shit up...

Dandruff causes global warming (April Fools?)

[Anonymous Coward]

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=6298 02

Re:Dandruff causes global warming (April Fools?)

[Lovesquid]

This was on CNN also. Probably true.

Yeah, but...

[CjKing2k]

Does it run on Linux?

Solution

[HalliS]

Just block the evil bit... *hides*

Re:OT: Lookup by id (your sig)

[MyLongNickName]

Thanks! Sorry. I did not realize I had comments off.

Chickens everywhere rejoice in Frank Purdue Death

[Anonymous Coward]

Frank Perdue dead at 84

Man whose name became synonymous with chicken dies following a brief illness.

Full story at CNN

I thought it was called "Windows"???

[northwind]

"Early signs of infection include rising stress, rapidly fading eyesight and the appearance of a blue-screen on PC monitors."

Is this a weapon of mass infection???

[northwind]

Man - that was a lame one.......... :-)

tee hee

[nachoqtpie]

So if we got STDs floatin around today, who has the computer condoms?

Ouch!

[Rorschach1]

Ok, so it's probably not going to make you sick... but I DID bite my tongue trying to pronounce that name.

But computer viruses always infect people

[lunchman]

The "Teddy Bear Virus" http://us.mcafee.com/virusInfo/default.asp?id=desc ription&virus_k=99436 already spread by infecting the computer operator and causing him to e-mail everyone in his address book.

OMG!!!

[Patrick Mannion]

I HAVE TEH VIRUS!!! aGH,,, loosing breath.... can't breatheeeee....nghhdfhnnn....brains..... +++ATH NO CARRIER

Subtle April 1st jokes

[Ulric]

I agree, the jokes should be subtle enough to fool at least one person. I like to read something, think long and hard about it, and still not be able to figure out if it's true or not. Like these ones:

http://gentooexperimental.org/nt/

http://lists.kde.org/?l=kde-cvs&m=111233809718017& w=2

Real or fake? I don't know. On the other hand, "First PC Virus Spreads to Humans" is so bad that there is no real reason to click the link except that every story on /. is a "joke" today.

Oh yeah?

[Manhigh]

1992 called, and wants its joke back.

Well the jerk store called...and they're running out of you!

-obligatory Seinfeld reference

the sky so big and black

[Anonymous Coward]

let override, let overwrite.

Thanks for the heads-up....

[cbdavis]

I have already started disinfecting all my keyboards. And, just to make sure, I am sand-blasting my monitor screens to cleanse any viral entities that are there. I always use rubber gloves when using my computer, and I wear an air mask to remove any foreign bodies. I feel much safer now!

That's okay...

[b1t r0t]

I'm a Mac.

Hey now

[rm999]

This was practically the plot of independence day

she could be right!

[Anonymous Coward]

the bitch i banged last month said she was clean but i still got the clap. maybe she was telling the truth and it was this.

I'm immune thanks to my dear keyboard.

[mfarah]

My good old IBM Model M keyboard is naturally immune to this new virus, so I don't care about it.

Back in the day, IBM provided us with the best keyboard ever, and I couldn't be happier.

I love my keyboard.

Re:I'm immune thanks to my dear keyboard.

[http101]

Ah, but be careful with that... there are a few generic Lexmark keyboards posing as IBM Model Ms out there. The Lexmarks are not immune to the virus!

April Fools Icon

[BryanL]

Enough already! We need an April Fools icon so that I can weed out the bogus stories.

Re:April Fools Icon

[eric_brissette]

Not if they're ALL bogus

Re:April Fools Icon

[BryanL]

All too true.

It's gotta be said..

[dBLiSS]

Symantics new Plan!

1. Make Human-Computer Anti-Virus
2. ??????
3. Profit

Snow Crash

[NekSnappa]

I can't believe this stroy has been up this long with out a reference to "Snow Crash" Guess I fixed that!

Re:Snow Crash

[Pseudonym]

Damn, beat me to it. Guess it's up to me to mention Hitler, then.

The first one is funny, the tenth is ho-hum

[Anonymous Coward]

Ok. We get it. It's April 1st. I saw the first April Fools posts coming out of Europe last night (still March 31 where I live). Catching someone unaware of the day is at least half of what makes April Fools day work. ONE story is likely to do that. FIFTY half-assed attempts at catching someone means 49 people start having to run around saying "It's not an April Fools joke" when they tell their tell their B.S. story, only to gleefully tell you "APRIL FOOLS!" when their story is over (not that you believed them at all anyway). Kinda like when you were 8 years old. That these people are still trying (and they can manage to get to /. in the first place), means that they need to get a life (more so than the typical /. reader).

I actually got a cold from my pc

[beuges]

Seriously. My pc used to overheat, because of an incompatible cpu/motherboard combination (i think it was a p3 chip in a p2 board or the other way around). So my pc case was always open, with my desk-fan blowing directly onto the board and chip. Because of the setup of my room/desk/fan/pc, the pc had to face away from me, so the ports faced me. My friend lent me a bus-fan one day to see if that would work, as opposed to having to leave the case open all the time with a large deskfan blowing on it all the time. Well, since the ports-side of the pc faced me, that meant that the exhaust of the bus-fan was blowing onto my face constantly for a couple of hours. Add a weak immune system on my part, and...

my pc gave me a cold!

1???

[dword]

fuck! i forgot what date it was ... :(
damn story!

Where is Hiro Protagonist when you need him?

[FiggyBottom]

L. Bob Rife is at it again. This is only the precurser to another, more dangerous virus. Bring on the infopocalypse!

Snowcrash

[LaughingLinuxMan]

For more on this topic read Snowcrash by Neal Stephenson...

LLM

God no!

[Impy the Impiuos Imp]

I've seen Internet malware that causes me to release seminal fluid, but this really scares me!

A day late

[Trejkaz]

April 1 called, and it wants its prank back.

MOD PARENT UP!

[programgeek]

+ 5 Funny