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Police Probing Theft of Millions of Pounds of Maple Syrup From Strategic Reserve
An anonymous reader writes with this bit from the Globe and Mail: "Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse. The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly."
Wait, what?!
As is the tradition.
What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
I've got nothing.
They're making a special type of Maple Meth.
Issuing invitation to all of /. for world's largest pancake and waffle breakfast! Bring your family, we have so much syrup to unload...
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." -Groucho Marx
I had no idea there was a "global strategic maple syrup reserve". Other possible Global Strategic Reserves we don't know about: Bacon? Poutine? BEER???
The Canadian economy cannot afford a shortage of both maple syrup and hockey sticks.
Tabernac.
Is maple syrup really that vital to every day human life?
Canada needs the McKenzie brothers.
NOW!
My guess is it was the Glatun
For witty Canada joke. See Slashdot for worthy substitutions
International House of Pancakes has announced that for all of the American Labour Day Weekend they will be offering free pancakes with all-you-can-slurp maple syrup, and every customer will get a free bottle of (unlabeled) genuine maple syrup to take home.
I can only hope the strategic reserves of Kraft Dinner are safe!
President Obama: *sits down to breakfast and starts to cut into his waffle but notices it's dry* Michelle, would you please pass the syrup. ... some very syrupy shit is about to go down.
First Lady: Get it yourself.
Secret Service Agent: *leans down and whispers into the President's ear* Um, sir, we're out of syrup, would you like me to dispatch an agent to pick you up from some the store?
President Obama: No, Allen, that won't be necessary. *pauses dramatically and announces loudly* Get me Seal Team mother fuckin' Six on the horn!
First Lady: Barry! Do NOT swear around our children! And for the love of god, you cannot use Seal Team Six to solve all of your problems! Remember when you told them to "take care of my mother" for an afternoon and she ended up floating face down in the Potomac!?
President Obama: Clearly an unintended -- VERY UNINTENDED -- miscommunication and we're not having that fight again! Now, I want all the intelligence we have on Canada stat
My work here is dung.
he he hee hee hee (much children laughter)
OK, the notion is kind of funny.
Why is this on /.?
Millions of dollars of maple syrup? That's what, like two 5 gallon drums? Stuff ain't cheap.
Millions of pounds means hundreds of thousands of gallons, means 1000 or so tanker trucks worth of the stuff. We're either dealing with an accounting error or a theft over an extremely long time frame.
It was salted and probably used on hash.
I've got some fucking BOMB syrup here for cheap! You'll have to make it to my island near Cornwall though... don't mind the indians and the border police.
The Humanity!!!
This had better not impact my bacon maple glazed doughnut supply!!!
Thant aliens are addicted to maple syrup and use it like a bad drug. Just ask Ringo;)
What idiot decided that their maple syrup warehouse should be called the "global strategic reserve for maple syrup", and what moronic reporter accepted their statement instead of rolling on the floor laughing at them?
excitingthingstodo.blogspot.com
I'm guessing the Strategic part doesn't refer to the location of the Reserve :/
Join the Slashcott! Feb 10 thru Feb 17!
They're part of a shadowy, polite subgroup of syrup-suckers called "Canadians."
I swear to God...I swear to God! That is NOT how you treat your human!
What does maple syrup have to do with 'your rights online'? Come on slashdot, must be a real slow news day. Maybe we need SOPA to wash off all the syrup!
Silence is a state of mime.
The Glatun are here.
So *that* explains how it looks like he put on 100 pounds just before the RNC!
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
Good thing! That federation should'nt have existed in the first place. Let's reduce the offer for maple syrop so we can charge higher! I got a better idea, we should pay producer so they don't produce maple syrop that way the price will go even higher. We don't care anyway, it's the quebec tax payer that pay to keep the price high.
"I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."
-- Super Troopers
Not sure what to say ...
On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me.... ....
A beer
in a tree.
On the second day of christmas my true love gave to me.... ....
1000 gallons of Maple syrup.
and a beer
in a tree.
If telephones are outlawed, then only outlaws will have telephones.
... to find it we find the guys who swiped millions of pounds of pancake mix?
Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.
... the sticky situation.
mov ah, 4ch
int 21h
Is it just me, or does this sound like an episode of South Park?
Good lord! Who would ever think that there are people out there who worry about the continuity of maple syrup supplies?
In a way it simply can't matter. It seems that every time I look at syrup in grocery stores it just might actually have a tiny drop of syrup in the mix. I think the maple part is just for advertising purposes. Usually we get very disappointing, not sweet, blends of trash that cost a lot of money and seem to be mostly defective corn syrup. Worse yet good old black strap molasses is rare on the shelves these days. It seems that only us old southern folk even know what black strap is. And we don't even have old Aunt Gemima smiling and singing while she makes our breakfast these days either. What is a cracker to do?
this really sounds like it could be the plot to a really bad science fiction book.. oh ya that's right.
http://www.amazon.com/Live-Free-Die-Troy-Rising/dp/1439133328
For those of you who can't find the review section..
Fast-thinking entrepreneur Tyler Vernon exploits the literally universal appeal of maple syrup to make a fortune, defies the Horvath, and reveals his ideas for keeping Earth safe, but intergalactic war threatens to derail his plan
once more into the breach
This was all covered in the Troy Rising series by John Ringo. Turns out that maple syrup is highly intoxicating to the Glatun species.
Invalid Checksum. Retrying.
Stories like this are why I think the title of the Canadian national anthem is exceedingly appropriate.
Oh, Canada...
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
At 3:30 pm Eastern, IHOP is expected to announce a response to these developments. The Speaker of the House of Pancakes will address the Vermont Press Corp. followed by a Q and A session. As is traditional.
There is obviously not something called the strategic syrup reserve. It's a code for something else. Maybe it's Canada's secret archives, or maybe it is a weapon-stockpile. People with security clearance would know the real story. But, for us who haven't got access to military secrets, we'll never know. For all we know it might be that the aliens in the secret Canadian base has finally broken loose.
He found a mouse in his beer bottle.
That's 200 to 250 tractor trailers.
When I was kid we used to go to my uncle's "cabane a sucre" (translates as sugar shack) on the outskirts of Sherbrooke to make the stuff. You need 40 gallons of water to make 1 gallon of syrup. Reduce it slowly, the longer you reduce it the darker it gets. I prefer a medium to dark but most of the places sell light. Makes sense as it takes less time. Pouring hot maple syrup over cold snow and eating it right away after it solidifies is one of lifes good things. Also bringing it to a boil and stirring it constantly turns it to sugar. That makes my mouth water.
Jack Bauer is gonna be pissed.
The CMP have been alerted. Even as we speak, the Red Riders hunt the culprits down. When they are captured, for it is inevitable, they shall be condemned to the maple syrup mines to make good the loss.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
Everybody knows that the consummately divine hard maple sugar is infinitely preferable to maple syrup. How is the supply of maple sugar holding up?
I admit to having had a lot of fun years ago twirling maple syrup into tufts of my hair. And it's OK to eat on pancakes and french toast. But maple sugar - num num num! You can snack on it!
(I'm from Quebec)
I've heard of many barrels or trucks full of maple syrup having been stolen in the past couple of years. Considering it retails for around 7-8$ per 540ml can (50$ a galon) it's fairly easy to see why it's such a high profile target.
No doubt these thieves did their work while blasting the Maple Leaf Rag
The dude threw out an empty barrel BEFORE squeegeeing the left over syrup. $1 million isn't that much in union-backed syrup.
If the price per 32 ounces of syrup is $14.50 then that's $58 per gallon. Take about 10% off and round down for a bulk price of around $50 per gallon. That's 25,000 gallons (over 200,000 pounds in weight, an empty semi truck and trailer weighs 30,000 pounds and it would take 2-4 to haul it.) of syrup per million dollars. Where do you take that kind of volume?
You can't sell it all at once without it being found out and it's not exactly inconspicuous. You need to get another company to take it to hide the volume by mixing it in with a legally obtained supply, you need to smuggle it out of the country and sell it off in another market, or it could be the owners themselves in some sort of insurance job. I'm hoping what it actually is is the worlds biggest moonshining operation, Breaking Bad Canadian style. That would be awesome.
There is no memory shortage. yes I have heard of XFCE. Go away.
Is this /. or Fark?
"The ferrets, they're every where I tell you!"
Calling it.
Or just one fat bastard.
Who steals strategic maple syrup? Tactical syrup is much easier to smuggle out of the country to a willing buyer. Not to mention the upset in the balance of power this is going to cause...
This may be an act of war.
Several metric tons of waffles are missing from the Belgium National Waffle Stockpile. No word if the two incidents are related.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster
...is Carmen Sandiego?
Yes, there is one. Unfortunately it's called "McDonalds"
General Relativity: Space-time tells matter where to go; Matter tells space-time what shape to be.
It sounds like someone ...
*Puts on sunglasses.* ... is in a sticky situation.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clearly this is the prelude to an Alien Invasion. Has anyone questioned Tyler Vernon yet?
We prefer the term "Americans", thank you very much!
Samsung has started to pay Apple $1 Billion sending 30 trucks full of 5 cent coins. But I guess by now Samsung ran out of coins.
Where were Ricky and Jules when this went down?
a sticky situation.
What is going on? Where did Christmas go?
How many libraries of congress are we talking about?
"salt" and "hash" are two words that I, as a geek, can understand.
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
I actually liked that book (and it's sequels). The author has imagination and a sense of humour.
This is just the beginning of a massive crime wave. A generation of kids trained by borderbund in the dark arts pioneered by the dreaded Carmen Sandiego have matured and are now taking the skills they've honed on their computers into the real world! Thank god for wikipedia, it should make solving those darned geography clues they leave behind pretty easy.
One last poke at Canadians.
Milk comes in bags.
I'm teasing. I couldn't resist. I love you guys.
OMG so many of these posts are hilarious. Well done people! I haven't laughed like this on SD for ages.
I don't think I've seen so many +5 Funny mods in my life ...
...And make sure it wasn't April 1st.
Disagreeing with you does not make me a troll.
Witnesses recall hearing cries of "Savoir-Faire is everywhere!"
Klondike Kat has been put in charge of the case.
This is CLEARLY the work of the Maple Syrup King! I warn you, this is just the opening shot in the interstellar war! Next we get blonds in heat thanks to some nifty bio-warfare, so perhaps it's not all bad....
I need a wheelchair van for my son. Help me get the word out. https://www.gofundme.com/wheelchair-van-for-jj
Could it be the Glatun?
Update: Detective Koichi Zenigata has been dispatched from the ICPO after a lead points to the identity of the thief, one Arsene Lupin III.
A Metaphor.
We, the Unites States of America, have NO President!
Barak Hussein Obama II, President ?, No.
That is Clint Eastwood's message.
Time to 'Let Him Go'! .. Let the 'Phantom Die'!
Oh and by the way, Albert Gore is not the President of the United States of America, or any other country on Earth, and for GOOD reason.
Unfortunately, Mr. Obama has never figured this subtle fact out in his failed Presidency of almost four years.
Well then, Pot Head Obama, is just a ... shall we say... a ... figure of speech ... and not a real human being ... not at all.
I.e. Barak Hussein Obama II, never ... existed!
This is the FINAL SOLUTION for Mr. Barak Hussein Obama II.
History books will show USA during 2009-2013, ... blank.
Good! A fitting Testimony to the person who hates the United States of America ... the most!
Marijuana legalized in Maine...
they thought we wanted that pipeline to get at their oil....
The largest reserve in the world requires an entire region, The extremely hot women reserve across Scandinavia !!
As a Brit all I can say is damn those pesky Vikings for taking the best and leaving the rest ;-) Right time for a cow juice cup of tea....
I feel Austin Power jokes about the Boston Molasses Disaster are in bad taste as 5 people came to a sticky end! Clearly there are worse ways to go.... Stacey Fonas's personal account of the great sewage disaster of 1969 during which she nearly drowned herself.... It is clear from Stacey's account that she is still suffering the emotional scars which included the lost of her liddle kiddle family who sadly did not make it despite her attempts at mouth to mouth....
millions of dollars of maple syrup. In the same way that you cannot have millions of gallons of money. You can have millions of dollars *worth* of maple syrup however.
My wife and I make our own syrup. This year was a poor production year (we got HALF of what we usually get), prices have soared and thefts like this suddenly have a big payoff.
But the "darkness" is more complicated than just the reduction. Since it is the COOKING and not the reducing that caramelizes the sugar and makes syrup dark, you can make lighter syrup by reduction without cooking.
That's why light syrup is so easy to get now since most producers use reverse osmosis to remove some water before cooking (to save energy) and thus cook it for less time. In fact, I've heard of producers here that do so little cooking, they add molasses to the final product to darken it so it looks like homemade syrup.
The late season stuff (known as "bud syrup" because the trees have already started to bud out) is always darker than the early, but that matters much less than cooking method.
I'm from Western Massachusetts and can tell you that global warming has been driving maple syrup production northward for half my life.
The family with the farm nearest the subdivision where I grew up made and sold their own syrup all through the '70s and '80s from a long double row of old sugar maples along the road. Some time in the '90s, production began to fall off. Now I don't think they sell syrup at all, don't even know if they collect/boil sap for personal use. Could be just the age of their trees, or the age of their family members who know the work, but there's also a trend here. And FWIW, the neighborhood I'm talking about has always been right on the cusp between the weather forecasts for the Connecticut Valley and for the "hill towns." It's in the hill towns where maple syrup is still produced in quantity in MA.
Here's an article noting Massachusetts production has been up and down in recent years and a prediction "that climate change over roughly the next hundred years will result in the loss of maple trees across much of New England." http://articles.boston.com/2012-03-07/metro/31132698_1_maple-syrup-syrup-producers-sugaring-season
And here's a PDF noting a climate-affected declining trend in U.S. syrup production generally with corresponding increase in Canada. The statistics admittedly don't all point the same direction but they're still sad. http://www.cara.psu.edu/about/publications/Maple_syrup.pdf
Guessing we know where the missing honey bee colonies in the states went to for vacation :)
Since when was maple syrup measured in pounds or dollars? Surely gallons or liters would be more appropriate. Or is the writer trying to say "pounds worth" or "dollars worth" and just being too lazy to type five extra characters?
Words are intended to communicate meaning - when the use of words leads to ambiguity, that's not communication.
And in other news, police in the US are making inquiries after millions of dollars of pancake mix were stolen from a warehouse in Illinois. Inquiries are ongoing, but there are suggestions that the crimes are related.
Or just held back from April 1st?
Maple Powered Cars...
Seruoisly though, it obvisouly already has a high sugar content. Though I have never heard of Maple booze (why the hell not!?!), presumably it could be turned into alcohol and burned in a car for fuel. I wonder what it's energy density VS collection would be like. From my knowlege, its a renewable source that lasts pretty much forever, is collected automatedly using a series of tubes...
Maple Power!