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You never know who else is wasting time at work: http://bash.org/?258908

Why can't China just get invaded by the US and become democratic? We all know that http://www.bash.org/?469107hypothetical situations aren't all that realistic.

source

http://bash.org/?5300

What I hate the most is the missing capitalization in more and more emails I receive. Most of the slashdot readers are speaking english, but capitalization really counts in the german language. It is extremely difficult to read all-lower-case emails.

Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

...that there's someone who's in the dark on this:

Linky

A bloody brilliant string of links that spell out a shaving cream jingle. But yes, it does end in something that shouldn't be seen, not even on Slashdot.

On the plus side, the picture it's based on will, when viewed by any man questioning his heterosexuality, scare him straight for a very long time. http://bash.org/?42262

from bash.org:

* veganzombie has joined #uc
Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
* veganzombie has quit IRC (Quit: Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....)

http://bash.org/?516497
heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming
logical?
C++
LOL
rofl are you serious?

http://bash.org/?5273
hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

http://bash.org/?516497
heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming
logical?
C++
LOL
rofl are you serious?

http://bash.org/?5273
hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.

http://www.bash.org/?203815

A byte walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The bartender serves the byte and asks "What's wrong?"
The byte replies "Parity error."
The bartender nods and says: "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

(original bash.org quote here)

omgsean123: so anyway, heisenberg is speeding down the street and he gets pulled over by a cop
omgsean123: and the cop is like "do you know how fast you were going?"
omgsean123: and he says "no, but i know exactly where i am!"

Certainly my current fav.

All jokes from here.

Spin: arrrr, pirates of the south west
Spin: thar be large pipes o'bandwith near ye'ol univarsety.
Pirate: yearg, ye may be an ta somethan thar.
Spin: what say ye we pull yonder USB hard disk longside yonder NMSU puter and begin tha lutin and plunderin.
Pirate: yearg. The master done gaved me a testin machine with a grand ol CDR.
Pirate: Avast!
Pirate: MP3s off the starboard bow!
Spin: stere clear of ye porn pop ups rollin in from tha east.
Pirate: I have mah trusty Opera browsa to help me fend em off.
Spin: encrypt the data holds, batton down thar security patches, argh thar be spyware abound.


MortalKombat> stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
@Acaila> FINISH HIM
mat|t> rofl
MortalKombat> omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
@Acaila> FATALITY!


Ich: I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
Ich: I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
Ich: and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
Ich: and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
Ich: and I actually laughed out loud


WallJam7: roses are red
WallJam7: violets are blue
WallJam7: all of my base
WallJam7: are belong to you


Firefly: Time for my prayers:
Firefly: Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
Firefly: May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
Firefly: May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
Firefly: Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
Firefly: And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
Firefly: Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
Firefly: For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.

From bash.org

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

Go here and have fun.

a recent one:

pathogen: in maths today we found out that 1+3+3+7 = 14
pathogen: so therefore 1337 = 14
pathogen: so anyone who speaks 1337 is 14

Reminds me of this quote. This kid is brilliant!

-wolf- 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
-wolf- 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
-wolf- 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope.
-wolf- 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand.
-wolf- 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling.
-wolf- I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
-wolf- Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

And that reminds me of one of my favourite bash quotes.


[reo4k] just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
[ibaN`reo4k[ex]] that's gotta hurt
[r`heaven] :(

Finally HatfulOfHollow from this Bash.org conversation will get his wish.

http://bash.org/?367896 anyone?

There is a perfect bash.org quote that answers your question..

Denial. Suggestion that AMD is the way to go.

Deja vu?.

Call me crazy, but I'd rather make a friend than kill an enemy.

Unfortunately, not every enemy feels the same way.

So lets kill them before they kill us!..
You realize how many conflicts could have been avoided if someone had stopped and realized that the other side is human too? Very few people actually want to kill, and even less people want to be killed. People kill out of fear, and killing people because you dont want them to kill you is the worst abuse of logic around.

Im willing to bet that every enemy really does feel like they would rather make the friend. Don't get me wrong, I dont mind people running out and killing eachother, I just dont buy their justifications.

Now that weve gone completely off topic (as the original article wasnt even about guns), heres a bash.org quote!

maby his girlfriends lucky:

<berzerker> my girlfriend is lucky because i enjoy giving oral sex
<Ash> She likes to watch, eh, berzo?

--bash.

<Algorithms> DareDevil2002: I am saying I am wishing for stable woody
<PaC> Algorithms: perhaps viagra can help you with that

--bash.

" I want to be able to trust people more. That means I have to be able to throw them further."
--bash.

That particular one always reminds me of the folloing line from http://bash.org/?4281

[SA]HatfulOfHollow: i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

http://bash.org/?1988

<kritical> matts: bikes go faster than cars...a bike at 60 mph is a lot faster than a car at 60 mph
<matts> kritical: um no...
<kritical> matts: um yes
<kritical> my sisters sport car at 60 mph goes faster than my dads explorer at 60 mph
<kritical> a bike at 60 mph will blow by a car at 60 mph

did u mean omgbrbbbq?

obligatory bash reference http://www.bash.org/?244321

:D

http://bash.org/?23396

Link.

<BChikapa> Holy shit. Calisa, are you watching this thing on Fox
<Calisa> no.
<BChikapa> This guy was in a boat, and a swordfish JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND STABBED HIM IN THE FACE.
<Calisa> [SA]HatfulOfHollow finally got them.
<BChikapa> I don't know if it's sadder that you made that joke, or that I got it.

http://www.bash.org/?82105 [captain obvious strikes again]

Btw, it's not an isolated phenomenon - #les..mm..miserables ?, I'm sure

Btw, it's not an isolated phenomenon - #les..mm..miserables ?, I'm sure

...this bash.org quote will no longer be funny.

For what reason would we be cheerful when we have such devastating incidents daily such as the Dreaded 404, which has already been shown by logs to spread depression.

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

http://bash.org/?4281 get up get on up get up get on up and DANCE * nmp3bot dances :D- i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

Please cite it if you didn't come up with it.

Nah get her a potato they last forever.

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

4848
<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK

http://bash.org/?111338

The kid's not American, but the product is:

4753

xterm: The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

Someone found out earlier, by a more adventurous method

244321

Cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
Cthon98: ********* see!
AzureDiamond: hunter2
AzureDiamond: doesnt look like stars to me
Cthon98: AzureDiamond: *******
Cthon98: thats what I see
AzureDiamond: oh, really?
Cthon98: Absolutely
AzureDiamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
AzureDiamond: haha, does that look funny to you?
Cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
AzureDiamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
Cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
AzureDiamond: awesome!
AzureDiamond: wait, how do you know my pw?
Cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
AzureDiamond: oh, ok.

Holy bad formatting, Batman!

http://www.bash.org/?4281

So, if we duct tape Google and Wikipedia together, they're unstoppable!

Plagiarised

Audigy: A one act play