Smart Sofa Recognizes Occupants by Weight

I am Kobayashi writes "According to CNN.com scientists at Trinity College in Dublin have created my dream couch. And yes, I admit to being a couch potato... Apparently the couch can be programmed with a personal greeting (it recognizes you by weight), and the scientists hope that it will one day be able to automatically tune to your favorite television programs, order you take out food, and control other household appliances."

Comments

Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

"Cindy? Who is Cindy? No, honest honey, I have no idea who Cindy is. What's this couch talking about! ?"

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[wmaker]

you could always tell her that you bought the couch used... the old owners name must have been cindy.

;)

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[saden1]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat. Kill your TV and read a book or go exercise for god sake.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[linzeal]

One day americans will rule the world from their couches thanks to their robot slaves.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[GreyPoopon]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat.

No, we can't get any fatter. If we do, the couch won't recognize us.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, and they you'd have to, like, switch to your favorite channel yourself and, like, go to the fridge yourself! Dude, sounds pretty bad!

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Aceticon]

The damn sofa has a fatal design flaw:
- It will recognize you from your weight
- It will help you get fatter

People will need to constantly reprogram the thing ...

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

And I, for one, welcome our new robot slave overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground robot caves.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just because you are sitting on the couch does not mean that you are watching TV. Maybe the couch would detect you and set the room light to the appropriate level for reading.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe the couch would detect you and set the room light to the appropriate level for reading.

Stupid American fatty fat fatter! Americans don't read. Fucking lazy bastards, why don't you jog while reading like the rest of us fit Eurotrash pissants?

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[fiezk]

Hello mr Hoffa, long time no see!

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[zero_offset]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat. Kill your TV and read a book or go exercise for god sake. Reading a book really melts those pounds away. I need to start posting more knee-jerk replies about Big Bad British Teeth.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[!3ren]

eCyboCouch!
Now with 30% more masochistic tendencies!

I think this is more along the lines of planned obsolescence. The strain gauges in the ass cushions are probably rated in 100 lb increments.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Reading a book really melts those pounds away.

hey man, i break a sweat after turning about five pages.

might be all the glossy full page photos though. :-9

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Theaetetus]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat. Kill your TV and read a book or go exercise for god sake.

Um... Quick question - how does reading a book help you lose weight? I mean, you do have to turn the pages, but I don't think that's really enough... ;)

-T

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Stupid American fatty fat fatter! Americans don't read. Fucking lazy bastards, why don't you jog while reading like the rest of us fit Eurotrash pissants?

I'd reply to your troll, except that as an American, I am illiterate and could not read it.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Palshife]

...scientists at Trinity College in Dublin have created...

Something tells me that's not Dublin, Ohio...

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Lawbeefaroni]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat. Kill your TV and read a book or go exercise for god sake.

Are you kidding? We need to tell the couch to do everything by sitting down. A button or even voice command is too much work. Exercise? Are you insane?

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[greenhide]

Actually, I think I remember reading about a study that compared people who watched a lot of TV versus people who read a lot (UPDATE: I did read about a study. It was this one). The readers still weighed less. One possible reason? Ever tried munching on a bunch of food and reading at the same time? I have. It isn't easy. For those of you who haven't tried it, let me tell you that reading a borrowed library book and eating soup at the same time is a *very* bad idea. :-L

Also, book reading is *still* less sedentary. You're flipping pages, more of your brain is being used (and your brain uses energy). TV watching is possible the *least* calorie burning activity you can engage in. You burn more calories when you're asleep or standing than you do while watching TV.

Finally, don't forget that TV is constantly bombarding you with advertisements for food and drink. It's easy to be encouraged to eat or drink a lot while watching TV.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[TwistedSquare]

All nationality disputes aside, bad teeth aren't more likely to give you heart disease and various other health problems, unlike obesity which will.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[RevAaron]

1. I watch almost no TV. Perhaps 1 hr/week, 2 hr/week if there is something special.
2. I read a lot.
3. I'm a fatty.

I kind of think as myself as having some funky form of OCD, some sort of slightly humorous and completely benign form. My obsessions are efficiency (but in my own backward way) and reading, kind of related.

I read all the time when I'm not engaged in activity with someone else. I read when I go take a dump. I read when I'm eating alone at the table. I read on the bus, and when I'm watiting for it. When I'm driving, I sometimes pick up my PDA at the stop light, only to read a half a sentence. I used to read when I was walking between classes, although I've stopped that for the most part. (I also usually beatbox when walking around, and I don't like getting spittle on my PDA screen!) Hell, I even read when I'm standing up going pee, although I often only get in .5-1 pages.

I do all this to a lesser extent when I'm reading a paper book or magazine, but I can take it quite far when I'm reading electronically stored books on my PDA. Reading on a PDA is great- I love not having to flip pages. I can set JustReader+ to do auto-scroll, and while I'm standing there doing something manual and repetitive (like cutting up vegetables for dinner), I can read. With the PDA, I don't have to worry about flipping pages when my hands are dirty, keping a bookmark, or similar things. I don't have to worry about what I'll read next when I'm done- I typically have a few books in waiting on my PDA for when I do finish.

Does anyone else do this, or am I that weird? :P

I am not sure the purpose of this message- I know that reading with a PDA instead of a book isn't responsible for my fat-ness, so do not misinterpret it that way.

Although yes, reading a book is a little less sedentary, if only because your brain is being engaged. Flipping pages isn't all that much more work than flipping channels, though. However, depending on your position, sometimes holding the reading material up in some place can be a titch more exercise. And, I swear, fighting with the damned news paper has gotta be something as well. :)

While I watch no TV now, I used to watch more. TV is like a drug, and so many people throughout the US, Canada and elsewhere are addicted. I do not mean this as convenient metaphor. I have felt the changes that come about in my brain when parking my ass somewhere comfortable and watching TV for hours.

I stopped watching TV for a number of reasons, a big one being that I don't like dealing with its schedule. My code, the book I'm reading, a nearby park- all things that don't require me to show up or pick up at a specific hour of the day. Having to remember to watch some certain channel at some certain time to see some show it way too much hassle. Not surprisingly, I also hate the drugged feeling of being a "couch potato."

I think that drugged feeling should be investigated more by science- I wouldn't be surprised at all if there was some connection between that, eating more, and the commercials or television content.

I wonder if most people notice this as well, or if they're simply too used to it to put a finger on it?

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[The Evil Couch]

what makes you think that us couches won't rule the world from our humans, thanks to your robot slaves?

you guys can lounge around all you like, so long as you contine to provide us with the steady feast of coins and remotes. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[zero_offset]

All nationality disputes aside, bad teeth aren't more likely to give you heart disease and various other health problems, unlike obesity which will.

That WOOOOSH you just heard was the point, passing close overhead.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[TwistedSquare]

I understood, American stereotype=fat, British stereotype=bad teeth, I was just making the general point of who has the more dangerous stereotype to their health ;-)

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[saden1]

1. I threw away by TV 18 months ago.
2. I started reading more.
3. I started going to the gym.

No one ever said reading alone would help you lose weight. I personally had more time to do other things and that is what it is all about. I can't read constantly (eye's get tired) so when I'm not reading or don't feel like it I go out for a walk or just go to the gym. This has worked wonders for me as I have lost close to 75lbs. It is all about will power.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[jameskojiro]

Yeah, but will ther robots have lazer beam eyes and the strength of five gorillas?

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

First of all, you can read a book on a couch, and reading does no more for your calorie intake/use than watching TV.

Second of all, having the couch say your name is really no incentive to watch TV over exercising. Are you saying Americans would lose weight if they made tread mills recognize you?

You also act as if exercise is the best way to lose weight, many people would benefit much more from watching a TV show on how to eat more healthy. I can exercise all day, but if I also eat cheeseburgers all day, I'm not really getting much lighter.

Maybe you were just trying to be funny, "rofl, amerricnas r fatz!" in which case, nice shot on being as cliche as mock internet speak.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[RevAaron]

I never said that reading would help me lose weight, nor did I say I stopped watching TV and/or began to read so that I would. I don't think I mentioned weight loss at all. I was relating a story, the value of which is evidentally not clear.

But yeah, going to the gym is a good thing.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Trinity College -
Prepare now for legal assault!

"Man dies of massive coronary. Family sues couch maker -- news at 11."

Distraught close relative: "It was that damn couch. It kept ordering him triple cheeseburgers and four-cheese pizzas. Those couches should be destoyed and banned, and that company / college should be made to pay!"

Hey, wasn't it this year that a young woman tried to sue a fast food chain somehow for her wieght problem? O.k. her case was essentially laughed out of court if I remember correctly.

Time for me to start up my new business idea I guess -- door to door burger salesman. :)

--I'm not really HERe.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Stevyn]

Hey, you know what? That's not fair. Americans are...oh what the hell. I'm...tired...

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[AllenChristopher]

My TV weighs 180 pounds. I'd have to go to the gym for 18 months to throw it away. Wheeling it gently I can do.

Re:Hi, Cindy, want the same as last time?

[Anonymous Coward]

And big chainsaw hands! BZZZZZZZ!!

Recognizing by weight

[TWX]

It won't be able to recognize you by weight if it continues to do absolutely everything for you, like ordering food and changing the channel on the TV without requiring you to get up...

I wonder if they built an AI into it to intelligently determine who the occupant is by weight gain over time...

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

changing the channel on the TV without requiring you to get up...

Most people can already do this. They use this amazing invention called a remote control.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[tessaiga]

The current version must have a low-end processor which can only compensate for slow changes in your weight; see quote from researcher:

"We're hoping that people's weight won't vary so quickly," [researcher Haahr] said. "But it is something we'll have to deal with."

I'm sure they'll upgrade it in the next version if the chair becomes sufficiently popular. (Kinda like Moore's Law, but for BMI.)

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Worminater]

What would the formula for that be though...?

x = fast food, y = fat content, z = time unites, p = metabolizm.

x * y - p * 3.14^z = weight gain

now, when this couch starts getting serious use it would look something like...

32 / .65 - .40 * 3.14^1u = much weight

Now... The metabolizm would possibly go up as well as the fat content go down if u could also order pr0n through the same means... that would be a new varialbe p0...

Re:Recognizing by weight

[panaceaa]

Also, people's weight changes throughout the day. People eat, go to the bathroom, and also generally weigh more during the evening than average. Is the couch going to have a programmed clock for that?

If I were a scientist, I'd try to identify people based on their butt prints!

Re:Recognizing by weight

[ditto999999999999999]

Why are you anonymous? I know your being sarcastic... but you are right? :P

ditto

Re:Recognizing by weight

[SatanicPuppy]

"We're hoping that people's weight won't vary so quickly."

It's going to go up pretty damn quick if the guy doesn't have to leave the couch for anything but the bathroom.

I can veg out with the best of them, but this? How fricking lazy do you have to be? This thing will tune to your favorite shows automatically. Wow. You don't even have to channel surf for yourself anymore. This is pretty sad.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[canajin56]

3.14? I always knew pi had something to do with weight gain, but I though that was only if you ate it.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Worminater]

you would think wouldnt u. magic number:-p

Re:Recognizing by weight

[jlemmerer]

well, i think that there is a certain frame within the weight has to lie so that this couch can recognize you. otherwise it would be funny that, each time you change you clothes (say from t-shirts & shorts to a full sized smoking) the couch gets confused and asks for the new username.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[The_dev0]

I can see it now, the couch will recognise my weight by saying "Hey! I've told you before! One at a time, please!"

Re:Recognizing by weight

[doughmein_dot_net]

If the couch could automatically order take-out food for the occupant, it would pretty much *have to* account for weight gain, right? Who's going to program their couch to order a salad for them?

Re:Recognizing by weight

[seanadams.com]

If I were a scientist, I'd try to identify people based on their butt prints!

No two skid marks are the same, I suppose.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[panaceaa]

I was tempted to mention that butt-print detecting would be fooled by people shitting their pants, but decided it was too risque.

In that case, maybe identifying by weight would be more accurate: no weight change! Maybe that's why they're targeting hospitals for the technology?

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

I assume ^ is XOR, so your calculations are not correct.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[eminMSM]

They should incorporate a toilet and make it recline into a sleeping position so you never have to move.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[eminMSM]

I have a similar facility that changes TV channels and attends to my every whim etc... She's called Sara... I met her a few years ago and she now lives with me. I think they call them girlfriends.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[IPFreely]

Yes, but it the couch detects your weight going up, will it order you a salad instead?

Re:Recognizing by weight

[justinstreufert]

You "decided it was too risque" and yet I am reading it somehow... ;)

Justin

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

You may never have any need to move other than the inherent design of the Human Body.

Many thousands of years of evolution has produced a body that has 'learned' that movement is good.

Given enough time on the couch YOU WILL DESIRE TO MOVE. At this point you may well have lost the ability to do so, but that is a different issue !

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

you're ... NOT your

Re:Recognizing by weight

[snyps]

But even that takes almost a calorie of energie: ie finding the damn thing raising your arm pointing it at the tv and pressing a button with the couch all you have to do is put your fat ass on it and it does it for you.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

This is nothing new. BMW cars have a similar systems that adjusts mirrors and seats depending on weight.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[bs_02_06_02]

I'm going to patent a version of this couch for people with bilemia. When they bing and purge, this couch could be programmed to remind the person not to behave that way, or to call a doctor, etc.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[HedRat]

If I were a scientist, I'd try to identify people based on their butt prints!

Couch: "Good morning, Ms. Lopez"

Jennifer: "How did you know it was me and not Ben?"

Couch: "...uhhhhh, ummmmmmm, ahhhhhhh..."

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Frank O. File]

Based on that description, I think they call them ex-girlfriends.

Either that, or Phyllis Schlafly.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Frank O. File]

Based on that description, I think they call them ex-girlfriends.

Either that, or Phyllis Schlafly. You misogynistic bastard.

Re:Recognizing by weight

[RevAaron]

Perhaps so!

Perhaps the creators of this couch are just going to use it for massive data collection- think of the beautiful body of data one would have if you collected user, weight, channel/program, and food ordering preference data from all of these couches?

Jesus, just thinking about it makes my insides quiver in joy! I could have a data analyziation party, so many statistics, differential eq models, mm mmm good!

Re:Recognizing by weight

[Anonymous Coward]

When I saw this topic, I immediately had the notion to search for "ass print" or "butt print" in the comments. Slashdot did not disappoint!

Re:Recognizing by weight

[NuShrike]

That "couch" was once a human being too! Now it teaches YOU the way to its intelligent couch potato'ness.

Great idea

[Anonymous Coward]

Science: Pushing the boundaries of sloth, one invention at a time.

Re:Great idea

[panaceaa]

A bit off-topic, but has anyone noticed that stores always call couches "sofas" and never "couches?" Examples: Ikea, Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware, Crate & Barrel and even Walmart! When recently looking to buy a new couch, I couldn't find a major site that sold "couches."

I think company's sell "sofas" because "couches" are perceived as things slothy people buy. Lazy people "lounge on the couch" on the weekends. The American culture always uses the word "couch" to describe unmotivated people's television watching habits.

But in the eyes of marketers, consumers must see sofas as possessions of elegant, worldly people who are out and about. Motivated, outgoing people buy "sofas" to decorate their posh interiors! "No couches for me, sir, I want a sofa!"

Re:Great idea

[CastrTroy]

Here in Canada, the proper name for a couch, is a chesterfield. although, I still call it a couch. I don't know many people who use the word sofa. But now that I think about it, the word sofa is used a lot in sales. check out this site for a list of other interesting canadian words.

Re:Great idea

[bbbbblustery]

i always thought sofa was british and couch was american

Re:Great idea

[Anonymous Coward]

Brought to you by the same manufacturer of the Bathroom scale-o-matic 2000.

You know... the "One at a time, please, one at a time!" scale.

Re:Great idea

[Compact Dick]

As long as it doesn't complain when I let one rip. Ah, well.

Perhaps I could modify one to yell out "Phheewww! That stinks!" for the mother-in-law when she cuts an SBD and looks at me like I did it.

Re:Great idea

[cornjones]

i think chesterfield is a type of couch. i think of on old english style leather couch. This seems similar to some parts of america calling soft drinks, cokes. as in:
A: Get me a coke.
B: sure, what kind
A: how about mountain dew

Re:Great idea

[Katharine]

My grandmother (from central U.S.) always called it a "davenport."

Re:Great idea

[zifferent]

I sit on a chaise lounge. You insensitive clod!

Re:Great idea

[BreadMan]

How about davenport? This is what my aunt calls couches of all types.

For those who care about etymology, sofa decends directly from an arabic work that means long cloth-covered seat that /may/ have a back and arm rests suitable for conversion into a bed. Couch, OTHO, means upholstered funiture desiged for sitting and relaxing. Couch also has some interesting verb usage, like "The hunter couched his rifle at the target"

Re:Great idea

[Anonymous Coward]

According to Websters Dictrionary 'couch' is a much older word, and describes more accurately your piece of furniture - unless of course it converts to a bed - in which case the newer word (18th century origin from Arabic) is more appropriate

Re:Great idea

[doktor-hladnjak]

Somebody even did a linguistic study on this.

Re:Great idea

[Anonymous Coward]

I think company's sell "sofas" because "couches" are perceived as things slothy people buy.

I think that it's because only Americans use the word "couch" ("sofa" is far more widely used in other English-speaking countries), and international companies need to appeal to more than Americans.

Re:Great idea

[The Evil Couch]

it's prejudice against us couches. you're all a bunch of shallow bastards!

I'm going to go eat some socks now..... but only one from each pair, so you'll never match again! that'll teach you!

Re:Great idea

[TwistedGreen]

Well, you see, there's this thing called marketing...

Re:Great idea

[show me]

Try shopping at Sofa King. Their couches are Sofa King great!

Re:Great idea

[AllenChristopher]

They sell you a sofa so you'll buy the silly end pillows. Everyone knows that when it's a couch you throw those away.

I know how it would respond...

[Anonymous Coward]

...if I sat on it: "Hey, fat ass."

Re:I know how it would respond...

[agwis]

If I sat on it it would respond:

"hey, one person at a time please!"

Re:I know how it would respond...

[digitalgiblet]

"Get off! Get off! Get off! For the love of God almighty, get off!"

Seriously, if it would yell at my cat when she gets on it, it might be worth it...

This particular model...

[JasonMaggini]

...will be released as the La-Z-Homer 3000.

Re:This particular model...

[Throtex]

Now with ass-groove memory!

Re:This particular model...

[Weirsbaski]

At first I thought the slashdot title was "Smart Sofa Reorganizes Occupants by Weight." I imagined it telling me "hey lard-butt! Why don't you move on down where the structural reinforcements are better?"

Re:This particular model...

[ZipR]

Unfortunately, from what I've read ass-groove memory technology is still years away.

Re:This particular model...

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, it usually takes that long to get a soft broken in to my buttocks.

Weight fluctuates and people can weigh the same

[Dancin_Santa]

And is it really a good idea to have furniture that can positively ID you?

Re:Weight fluctuates and people can weigh the same

[Splat]

Now I have an extra alibi.

"Look at my Tivo usage logs - I was watching TV at that time!" and "Check the couch! The couch doesn't lie! But I was lying - on the couch!"

Why hasn't Law & Order or any other cop show done an episode where a suspect is ruled out because they were watching Tivo at the time of the crime as proven by the logs on the PVR and his intelligent couch. Sheesh.

In my perfect world you end that episode showing the super smart computer person putting a timer delay on a pronto remote control to simulate TV watching and stacking phone books on the couch to simulate sitting on it ... Muahaha...

Re:Weight fluctuates and people can weigh the same

[aardvarkjoe]

I was expecting a lot of fat jokes and knee-jerk "this won't work" trolls on this story, but even I didn't expect anyone to work in "The Orwellian Connection." Congrats.

Intelligent couch?

[Anonymous Coward]

I, for one, welcome our new sofa overlords.

Re:Intelligent couch?

[Anonymous Coward]

I, for one, welcome our repetitive +5 Funny template joke overlords ...

Wait, no I don't.

Re:Intelligent couch?

[sinserve]

No way man, "I, for one" has still some mileage in it. It gets me everytime.

Re:Intelligent couch?

[JonnyQabbala]

in soviet russia, the couch sits on you

Re:Intelligent couch?

[Anonymous Coward]

don't you mean our overstuffed overlords?

Re:Intelligent couch?

[Anonymous Coward]

The sofa, for one, welcomes it's new fat ass overlords.

Re:Intelligent couch?

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

I, for one, welcome our pointing out the repetitive +5 Funny template joke overlords overlords.

Re:Intelligent couch?

[The Evil Couch]

I, for one, welcome our new sofa overlords.

about time I got the respect I deserve around here.

Oh dear lord

[Anonymous Coward]

The last thing i would want is a couch with a voice like Moviefone saying "Hello lardass, it is good to see you sitting on me again, Lardass."

AI

[grub]

couch: 3.2 metric tonnes, hello Cowboy Neil!

Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[zapp]

So say I sit down with my backpack on may lap, it gets me wrong. Or if a kid/cat/dog jumps on my lap.

Or kids jump on the couch and break it.

Or 2 kids sit next to each other in the space it takes to fit me, and the TV tunes it to my favorite porn station

or I lose a few pounds and it tunes me in to my wife's favorite shows...

This sounds pretty crappy to me :)

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[Anonymous Coward]

or I lose a few pounds and it tunes me in to my wife's favorite shows...

Dude, if losing a few founds gets you to your wife's weight then you seriously need to bulk up or you are definitely closing your eyes when you get your nookie at night.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[neonprimetime]

what's wrong with the big women? eh?

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[tessaiga]

or I lose a few pounds and it tunes me in to my wife's favorite shows...

Not to worry, in most households a sofa like this would only last until the first time the wife gained a few pounds and it "recognized" her as you :)

(Those Garfield comics where Garfield trashes the talking scale don't seem quite so farfetched now ...)

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[quantaman]

I'm just thinking of the poor weight sensitive wife* who sit's down, has a couple dogs jump on as well and suddenly gets misidentified as her obese /. geek husband!

*Yes "/.ers have no girlfreind trolls", note that I used 'the' as in singular, I realize there isn't too many!

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[okigan]

Speaking of crappy, I am surprised they did not
mention that it could be hooked up to the
pluming system.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[Pseudonym]

So? Freddie Mercury, Sir Mixalot and David St. Hubbins all seem to be in agreement that this isn't a bad thing necessarily.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[Anonymous Coward]

or I'm having sex on the sofa - does it recognize both of us?

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[feagle814]

I think I'll wait for the model that features ass-print recognition.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, Sir Mix-a-lot is quite clear that he does NOT like fat women. If I may quote: "When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung." Note that a small waist implies not fat. He's just pointing out that one can be thin and yet still have an ass. In fact, specifically, he's advocating a more stereotypically black body type as attractive. Very few black women become ballerinas, because ballerinas are supposed to be stick-like, rather than having an hourglass figure.

As regards Mr. Mercury, as the troll already pointed out, the guy was gay. As I understand it, "Fat Bottomed Girls," (again, note the emphasis on butt, rather than waist) along with "Bicycle Race," were aimed at promoting their all-female nude bicycle race anyway.

Spinal Tap, being fictional, was drawing from real rock sources. I am fairly certain that song was simply meant as a parody of "Fat Bottomed Girls."

If you're going to use a logical fallacy like appeal to authority, at least do it right.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[ndogg]

See, it actually recognizes the kids...

"Kids, please stop that. I mean it, stop it. I said, 'STOP!'" *grumble*

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm sure it will be able to identify you and your hand.

Re:Inaccuracies in weight recognition?

[blibbleblobble]

Clippy: "It looks as if a cat has just jumped onto your lap. Would you like me to open the catflap?"

This has to be the most appropriate story...

[Anonymous Coward]

...to ever hit slashdot. I mean, come on: News For Nerds? It don't get no betta!

--ac

So this is the total of your

[Anonymous Coward]

Dream couch: Recognizes user by weight and greets you. That's all it currently does, big deal.

What if...

[MoronGames]

What if you weight the same weight as someone else who has the couch programmed? It orders you a pizza and has the fridge throw a beer at you also?

Re:What if...

[tessaiga]

What if you weight the same weight as someone else who has the couch programmed? It orders you a pizza and has the fridge throw a beer at you also?

So let's see ... I sit down on the couch, it serves me beer and pizza, and charges it to someone else?

And this is a problem how, exactly? :)

I hope this part is a joke...

[rokzy]

"order you take out food"

this kind of automatic buying stuff (like MS .net services) is absolute bullshit and a million times more effort than it's worth.

Re:I hope this part is a joke...

[Anonymous Coward]

How in God's name do you connect this couch to MS?

Re:I hope this part is a joke...

[rokzy]

because of MS's idea to have all your info in their servers so they can automatically buy concert tickets for you when your favourite band is in the area.

anything that tries to automatically spend your money on personal things like tickets or food will either need so much customisation and confirmation input that it's quicker to do it yourself, or will just get everything wrong.

Re:I hope this part is a joke...

[Anonymous Coward]

automatically buy concert tickets for you when your favourite band is in the area.

I predict it will repeatedly do this on, say, the weekend you go to Quebec on vacation...

Re:I hope this part is a joke...

[Anonymous Coward]

and a million times more evil than it seems. A system that can spend your money? This is another reason why i believe that AI won't necessarily have our (citizens, Consumers[tm], etc.) best interests in mind (pun intended).

In fact, look at some of the areas AI has been getting support from, including banking, the derivatives *market*...

I'm no luddite, certainly not about AI. Cautious, maybe. The shell game is going to get quite a lot more difficult to watch, i think.

Re:I hope this part is a joke...

[way2trivial]

me to, it damn well better order my food delivered!

Uh oh...

[imyourfoot]

So soon they won't have to walk to the telephone to order out? Where will they get their exercise from?

Re:Uh oh...

[Anonymous Coward]

Masturbating, of course.

Re:Uh oh...

[Anonymous Coward]

so when you splooge on the couch will it automatically call the cleaners?

La-Z-Boy

[mr100percent]

I wonder what else La-Z-Boy will do with this. Weren't they coming out with a recliner that had internet access or something? I'm not seeing anything on their website.

Can't Find Remote

[Anonymous Coward]

Will the sofa tell you if you're sitting on the remote? Half the time I can't find the remote, it's because I'm sitting on it. I am obese.

Re:Can't Find Remote

[Anonymous Coward]

You:

"Couch, where's the remote?"

Couch:

"Fuck the remote, you're sitting on ME! Get up, you far bastard!"

Re:Can't Find Remote

[Anonymous Coward]

Your matter-of-fact comment has made my day. As someone who is obese, too often I find remotes, couch cushions, and entire uneaten tuna sandwiches within the depths of my cheese-filled folds.

It's good to know someone else here on Slashdot is grossly overweight - I was beginning to think I was the only one!

Have to go - the phone is ringing, and I think it's under my pancake-sized breast.

Re:Can't Find Remote

[I Like Swords!!!]

"Fuck the remote, you're sitting on ME! Get up, you far bastard!"

You know, that typo actually made that funnier... at least to me. ;)

Some issues...

[Carnage4Life]

"We're hoping that people's weight won't vary so quickly," he said. "But it is something we'll have to deal with."

This will be tough to handle in the US which is the home of fad diets. Also what happens if you have roommates that are roughly the same weight as you?

Sounds like a cool idea though...

Re:Some issues...

[aardvarkjoe]

Also what happens if you have roommates that are roughly the same weight as you?

Just a thought (as a good slashdotter, I didn't actually read the article, so I'm just assuming they don't say anything about it), but I would suspect that different people sit differently. Some people sit up straight, some sprawl back, etc. I wonder if people's sitting positions could be tracked as well, in order to make a determination if weight is ambiguous.

I'm not impressed.

[mmoncur]

So... it's an uncomfortable couch with a $10 digital scale built in?

And they got on CNN? Obviously the rest of us just aren't trying hard enough.

Real geeks don't want that couch, they want funny-looking ergonomic sofas or something with a built-in stereo and drink holder. ...or a couch made of mouse pads.

Re:I'm not impressed.

[grey3]

I wonder if your ass slides good on that mouse pad couch.

Re:I'm not impressed.

[Anonymous Coward]

That ergonomic couch has got to be one of the ugliest things i've ever seen.

Re:I'm not impressed.

[fiezk]

The favorite is of course George Costanza's couch with the built in refrigerator.

Re:I'm not impressed.

[asr_man]

You could REALLY lose your pocket change in that mousepad couch! But on the plus side you could spend a few minutes rifling through it and come up with enough cash for a large pizza. W00t!

Re:I'm not impressed.

[Spunk]

Freshman year in the dorm, the phone company just left a huge stack of phonebooks for the students to pick them up. Few do, so there is quite a surplus. The guy across the hall from me made a chair out of them very similar to that mouse pad chair. It was more comfortable than you'd think :)

Re:I'm not impressed.

[gid]

As the AC said and I was about to say, that couch has to be one of the ugliest couches I've seen. From the shape, to the design, right down to the colors. I may be a geek, but I happen to be a geek with an eye for good taste. If someone gave me that couch, It'd probably be on the curb the next day, or in my basement at the very least. :)

Now if it can only...

[Crasoum]

determine if the dog really did it.....

Read the article...

[attemptedgoalie]

Before many of you run amok, and make fun of heavy people, please read the article.

It's in development, and has plans to be used to assist the elderly and those in hospitals.

This is not some way to keep people indoors, or track their TV habits, or any of the other conspiracy baloney that will sure to be brought up soon.

Re:Read the article...

[Anonymous Coward]

Whatever they plan to use it for, using weight alone is a VERY unreliable way to identify people.

Re:Read the article...

[tho 1234]

I disagree. What it looks like is an examining bed with a few weight sensors interfaced to a computer (see the computer directly underneath "sofa") It can't do anything whatsoever, other than read off the weight and compare it to known users. There is absolutely no technology involved, and any highschool student could duplicate what they did in a month. (4 few sensors, hooked up to an A/D board, interfaced to a computer, program consiting of one if/else if stucture). Despite the total lack of innovation, the "developers" brainstormed up a list of possible applications, all of which are A) useless b) trivial to implement by anyone with experience in programming/EE. Assist elderly people? you have to be kidding- the example they site is sounding an alarm when the user leaves the chair, which is totally unreleated to the "talking sofa" they described earlier, and also incredibly easy to implement (could be done with 1 battery, 1 spring loaded switch, 1 buzzer) I can't believe this "invention" recieved national press coverage, go into any science fair/undergrad lab, and you will see far more innovative, complex, and useful devices.

Re:Read the article...

[jolshefsky]

It's in development, and has plans to be used to assist the elderly and those in hospitals.

Huh huh. You said "ass."

Re:Read the article...

[Anonymous Coward]

Who says, "ass-ist" instead of "a-ssist?" Damn Yankees.

I don't get it.

[John_McKee]

OK, am I the only person that doesn't get it? First a side note, it isn't even a sofa, it is more like a old medical exam table, but I digress. Sofa's traditionally are for more than one occupant, so how would it deal with more than one person on it? Furthermore, ignoring the fact that it would be near impossible to get an accurate identity based only on the weight on a sofa, how is it really useful? My sofa knows I'm on it, what does it do for me? It can't really adjust any preferences for devices around me in a manner that is useful, I use my sofa for tons of diffrent uses, having guests over, reading, watching tv, surfing on my laptop, and all of those are would fail to benfit from my sofa knowing that I personally am on it. It just seems like the solution to a problem that doesn't exist.

Re:I don't get it.

[Anonymous Coward]

unless both people sat down at the same time, it would be simple subtraction to know the second persons weight.

Re:I don't get it.

[RajivSLK]

It just seems like the solution to a problem that doesn't exist.

Perfect. They can sell it on late night infomercials.

Ron: Are you tired of turning on your own TV?
Bimbo: Oh, Ron I hate that!
Ron: How many times has this happened to you? [Actor on screen drops remote under the sofa and fumbles around while showing copious amounts of crack]
Bimbo: Constantly! That is quality time out of your life that you will never get back!
Ron: Then you need the Lay-Z-Homer 3000*

and so on...

*Borrowed from above.

Re:I don't get it.

[glassesmonkey]

My sofa knows I'm on it, what does it do for me?

It can pat you on the back.

It can kiss your ass.

It could get pissed at you and then pretend it doesn't know you're there for weeks at a time.

Re:I don't get it.

[InOverMyFeet]

Why would I need something else around the house that does that.......second thought, it might be cheaper to maintain than my wife.

Re:I don't get it.

[sp3c1alK]

Wow...some 'you might be a redneck' humor. Thanks man.

Amazing.

[oGMo]

Just what the world needs. Now instead of getting that one bit of exercise required to find the remote, you can just shift your weight a little.

Re:Amazing.

[Anonymous Coward]

Kind of like when you fart.

Re:Amazing.

[eddie can read]

Now instead of getting that one bit of exercise required to find the remote, you can just s hift your weight a little.

That's how I find the remote.

Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to los

[headbulb]

Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to lose weight.

Just imagine watching the superbowl, when you pick up a chip. Only to have your couch tell you "Put down the chip chubby."

Carmack?!

[Anonymous Coward]

When did Carmack start Couch Armadillo??

No wonder Doom3 isn't out yet!!

ummm

[bongobongo]

i can see potential problems already.

say i'm sitting on the couch... some loose change falls out of my pocket.... i get up...

now the couch thinks my leperchaun is sitting there and plays the irish channel all day long. that would be so annoying.

Re:ummm

[Tablizer]

now the couch thinks my leperchaun is sitting there

Is that what you call "it"? Your "Leperchaun"? I call mine "Jake the Snake" or "Hand Ho".

Re:ummm

[Anonymous Coward]

Your Hand Ho likes the irish channel?

Re:ummm

[sharkey]

now the couch thinks my leperchaun is sitting there

Does it call the CDC to request a quarantine? Leprosy is pretty serious, you know.

Re:ummm

[The Evil Couch]

keep up the wise cracks and I'll tell them to put your TV on lifetime, instead.

Yeah

[Anonymous Coward]

But will it automatically tune to the food channel when I'm loosing weight? And to the crappy infomercials when I'm gaining?

I don't have a dream couch

[SweetAndSourJesus]

Do you?

Seriously?

This is a sort-of neat couch, that's all. I don't think it's supposed to be the alpha and omega of sofas.

This is a huge improvement

[teamhasnoi]

from their prototype that required you to place a 12 ounce, specially modified bluetooth tranciever up your ass.

Re:This is a huge improvement

[Snoopy77]

This is a huge improvement from their prototype that required you to place a 12 ounce, specially modified bluetooth tranciever up your ass.

Ha, that's nothing. When I was at uni we tried something like this but we didn't have any fancy bluetooth technology. Try embedding an RS232 port up your ass and then plugging in without bending any pins.

Re:This is a huge improvement

[doughmein_dot_net]

Well, I guess if the Bluetooth transciever were shaped just right, it wouldn't be a problem for some people. ;)

Re:This is a huge improvement

[Anonymous Coward]

...and that was originally a solution to having to deal with the airlines.

"Hey Fatass..."

[Fnkmaster]

Log off of Slashdot and go down to the gym, then maybe I'll let you sit down and watch some tube.

Great, just what I need.

Here Goes Clippy

[robbyjo]

So say I sit down with my backpack on may lap, it gets me wrong.

Clippy: So, you gain 20 pounds in just 2 days. Would you like to:

[ ] Enroll as sumo wrestler (you are qualified now)

[ ] Enroll in Taco Gym

[ ] Cowboyneal!

[ ] All of above

Anonymous Coward's Axiom

[Anonymous Coward]

No matter the topic, there always exists a way to tie it to Microsoft.

AC Axiom's Corollary
Any Microsoft tie-in made in such a way will invariably be a flame of Microsoft.

Re:Anonymous Coward's Axiom

[rokzy]

and no matter the topic, some AC will avoid the point being made and instead stereotype slashdot readers' behaviour.

Corollary: you suck.

Only problem

[The Z Master]

The only problem I see with this is that it won't be able to recognize you by weight after it starts doing everything for you. Isn't this a self-defeating system?

I had the opposite thought

[SuperKendall]

I thought the couch would have a super-accurate knowledge of your weight - after all, where else are you going to be gaining more?

And really, who sits on a couch with a backpack anyway? You're supposed to careless toss them on the floor first.

forget the remote.

[www.sorehands.com]

If you are as fat as you say and are sitting on the remote, forget it -- it be broke.

What happens if I go on a diet??

[borgheron]

Can anyone tell me that??

GJC

Re:What happens if I go on a diet??

[Anonymous Coward]

You'll probably lose a bunch of weight right off the bat, but it'll only be water weight.

Once the water weight is gone you'll notice that your weight loss has leveled off and perhaps halted.

Noticing that you aren't losing weight at a rate that you deem reasonable, you will lose motivation and begin to slack off on the diet.

As your slacking off begins to add back those pounds that you had already lost, you will redouble your efforts at the gym.

At the gym you will sprain your ankle on the treadmill and push through the pain by following up with a set of leg presses at 300 pounds.

The next day you will wake up in agony as you realize that you have severely bruised your achilles tendon and are unable to walk unaided.

You will spend the next two weeks sitting on your ass because you can't barely move eating Ho-Hos and Fritos with bean dip.

Your weight will rise back to its earlier levels and push beyond that in what dieters call "rebound".

And through it all, the couch will know who you are.

Re:What happens if I go on a diet??

[Anonymous Coward]

What happens if I go on a diet??

Yeah. And what happens if I take it to the moon with me in my home-made, gerbil powered spacecraft when I leave to escape the chill from when Hell freezes over?

I've lost so much weight

[dtfinch]

Even my furniture says it hardly recognizes me.

Enjoy your new practice coffin

[Anonymous Coward]

I hear you can buy them at Sofa King. "They're not just good. They're Sofa King good." You can't run that ad on the radio, though.

CowboyNeal!

[Anonymous Coward]

According to CNN.com scientists at Trinity College in Dublin have created my dream couch. And yes, I admit to being a couch potato...

But the real question is: WWCNA?

What Would CowboyNeal Admit?

CowboyNeal: I am a big guy and you know what they say about a big guy and his you know what... ;-) ...Big guy, big HTTP header!

Or, should've I said goatse? Nahhh...goatse is immoral. WWCND? Slashdot goatse, of'course!

Down with goatse, up with dream couches and nerd slashdot headlines!

THIS POST IS ON-TOPIC! IF YOU MOD IT DOWN AS OFF-TOPIC THEN THE TERRORISTS (AKA FCC/DMCA/MPAA/RIAA) WILL HAVE WON!

hello...

[RedTyde]

Having a sofa that says "Hello Bob" is all well and good. Right up until it starts saying "Hello Fat Cousin Rita" when you put on a few pounds over the holidays.

Say goodbye to civilization

[DNAgent]

Just think how much faster the Roman empire would have fallen if they'd had this technology.

Lose Weight Spam

[Lord_Dweomer]

Something tells me this couch will connect to the internet and proceed to give me spam based on my weight.

"Lose Weight Now!!! fkjl;ahfhlkadflsfkjd;alkjg"

Re:Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to

[Flower]

Or sit down and find out the wife programmed it to say...
"Get up and take out the trash like you said you were going to THREE DAYS AGO YOU WORTHLESS BUM!!"

Or..
"If I find another porno in the DVD player you're not getting any for a month!"

Or..
"Honey, I'm sorry but I'm leaving you for Mandingo. I hope you and your couch have a happy life together YOU LAZY SONOFABITCH!!"

This could be bad. Very bad...

Planned for version 2.0

[alib001]

Sensors that will tell you how much loose change has dropped down the sides and under which cushion the remote control is currently hiding.

Yes, but....

[Anonymous Coward]

....My weight fluctuates between 230 and 245, depending on the number of Totino's Crispy Crust frozen pizzas I eat (only $2.50 at your local Piggly Wiggly).

These sofa people are insensitive clods. In former Soviet Union, in Good Old Days, sofa chose YOU.

Yay.

[Anonymous Coward]

I bet this couch will automatically order statistically correlated pay per view programs that suit your tastes. Japanese style mindless idolism and consumerism.. here we come!

Just what I need...

[MP3Chuck]

Another excuse not to move.

any one looked...

[wmaker]

anyone looked at that picture? it is FAR from a couch. looks like that thing you lay on at the doctors office.

This is just what the world needs...

[Markos]

Something to help people gain weight.

Re:This is just what the world needs...

[Anonymous Coward]

Now all we need to complete the capitalist loop is to sell the owners of a couch a program for weightloss.

How capitalism works:
1. Sell the addictive products that lead to disease.
2. Sell the cure.
3. Profit!

Ah yes

[Almost_anonymous_cow]

And you will be sleeping on it when the sofa calls your wife/girlfriend your name when she sits on it.
Of course assuming the standard weight of a male vs a female

watch out for your little friends

[Markos]

I hope you never sit on your cat. Every obese person has at least 4 cats... and chins.

*rimshot*

Other features

[Anonymous Coward]

A timer to keep track of how much of your life was spent before the soul eater.

Not quite

[tessaiga]

Before many of you run amok, and make fun of heavy people, please read the article. It's in development, and has plans to be used to assist the elderly and those in hospitals. This is not some way to keep people indoors, or track their TV habits, or any of the other conspiracy baloney that will sure to be brought up soon.

I wouldn't put too much credibility in these "applications" just yet - I suspect this is what's known in the business world as having a solution, and fishing for a problem. As the project stands at the moment, there's no way this can be used in public spaces in hospitals or nursing homes, for the simple reason that weight isn't a sufficiently unique identifier. Once you have a large number of people using the couch, the probability of confusing two people of similar weight shoots through the roof.

Nor would it be effective to place one in each room and use it to track patients, as the article suggests, unless (1) your facility had cash to burn, and didn't feel like looking into more cost-effective solutions, and (2) you were planning to enforce the policy that none of the patients/residents were allowed to leave the sofa.

I suspect that this is more like one of those "Offbeat" stories they have at CNN every once in a while -- funny and cutesy in a "what will they think of next" kinda way, but not something you'll ever hear of again.

weight catalog

[picardsb]

yes - it will keep measuring how fast mr x keeps gaining weight. next it will also tell which doc to go to - maybe even call the doc (to write your death certificate). perfect recipie to make people more fat and stupid. wonder of mc daddy has something to do with it. 1st day; 150lb, day 10; 200lb - going good - day 30: your end is near, i'll order the your favourite quadruple cheese burger. makes me wonder who thought this up!

Damn you've made me hungry

[Markos]

If I could only get off my chair and get someone to roll me to the nearest grocery store, I'd be set.

Reminds me of Ralph Kramden on the Honeymooners

[Nybble's Byte]

learning to play golf:
Step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball. Hellooo, ball!

Fast forward to the weight sensing couch:
Hellooo, Ralphy boy!

Nice but....

[Oxide]

Can it run Linux?

A couch with Linux and a wireless 802.11b connection. This is what I have been waiting for all my life.

Re:Nice but....

[Anonymous Coward]

It does run Linux (Debian). Check out www.dsg.cs.tcd.ie/SmartCouch.

HAL???

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm sorry Dave, I cannot allow you to watch that channel...

Fit for the real world?

[Barnoid]

My experience is that every member of our family has his dedicated seat and always sits on the same couch even when he/her is alone.

Those lucky of you who live with your wife/girlfriend and have 'your own' couch, does your partner really use it when you are not there?

Maybe a simple 'ass present' sensor would be sufficient..

--
I'm a-huga bimbo

Re:Fit for the real world?

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe a simple 'ass present' sensor would be sufficient..

Ew... I'm just going to call all my friends and tell them not to leave ass presents on my couch and save the money. I never knew this was an issue before.


No, I'm just kidding. I don't have friends.

Re:Fit for the real world?

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, I was just going to tell him it's a bad idea to use the phrase 'ass present' on slashdot, but it looks like I'm too late.

Re:Fit for the real world?

[Anonymous Coward]

i think "ass present" is going to be my new favorite phrase.

hanging out with friends "i'm gonna go leave you an ass present, be right back"

walking down the street "whoa, watch out you almost stepped in that ass present"

out at the bar "man, i'm so gonna give that chick an ass present" different meaning, but just as effective.

i'm gonna be giggling to myself all day now.

Help me, Jesus

[TexVex]

scientists at Trinity College in Dublin have created my dream couch.

Because, you know, that's what scientists do. They make whacky gadgets. Used to be they studied things.

Why, oh why, don't mod points work on articles?

now THIS is a privacy issue

[JVert]

I'd take a RFID in my back pocket any day.

Back at the thoughtpolice headquaters:
"32432789 likes monster drinks and swansons tv dinners!"
"no kidding! he's pushing 215!"
(pounds you metric barbarians)

Wow

[CAIMLAS]

Welcome to the pinacle of Western culture! This is what we have become. Amazing.

I think it's time for the monguls and huns to run us over and pilliage our cities.

weight is so 80's

[andrex21]

why bother with the weight of someone to ID them welcome the days where every1 has barcodes on the backs of their necks, so that not only can sofas ID people but so can showers, toilets and other essential facilities!

What about farts?

[Anonymous Coward]

Can the sofa recognize you when you inevitably fart into it?

Heh

[NanoGator]

"Your honor, I did it because my husband hacked the sofa to say 'whoah, one at a time!' whenever I sat down on it."

"Judgement in favor of the defendent: Justifiable homicide."

Re:Heh

[AllenChristopher]

Strange to say, my talking pedometer got lost in the couch cushions the day before this article was posted. Every time I sat down the couch said "it's so and so PM. You have walked 0 miles."

Reconfigurable Couches?

[Verity_Crux]

So all I want in life is a couch I can stretch out on, but you know what? They're all too short. What's wrong with a couch where I could kick off the armrest and put it back on again when I felt like it? Or how about stackable couches? Somthing like this: you bring the neighbors couch over and you have stadium seating without having to steal wooden crates.

Re:Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to

[aardvarkjoe]

"Honey, I'm sorry but I'm leaving you for Mandingo. I hope you and your couch have a happy life together YOU LAZY SONOFABITCH!!"

Who cares? What with providing entertainment and getting food for you, it seems that a wife would be redundant.

Cool...

[Joel Carr]

So you can program the couch to automatically turn on the sports channel when seated with your significant other. That way, when she gives you the evil eye, you can honestly say don't blame me, it was the couch that turned on the TV!

---

butt print...

[TWX]

Well, as unglamourous as a "butt print" is, it would be interesting to see if one can be identified by how one's pressure applies. Different parts push harder due to shape and posture, so if you happen to sit more on your left hip than on your right it should show...

Let's just hope that the software doesn't create a visual 3d model of someone's ass as a rendered image. *shudder*

Re:butt print...

[panaceaa]

If people can be identified to some degree by weight alone, I'm sure that having a pressure-sensitive map of someone's weight distribution (butt print) could only be more accurate. Also, you can learn something identifiable by how specific people slouch or lie down, how much they lean back, and other behavioral traits like antsiness. Though detecting these traits would be far more complicated than putting a scale under each pillow.

Maybe the pillows wouldn't detect weight itself, but the shape of the imprentation using lots of small censors that detect motion. That motion could be integrated (calculus) to calculate their current position. The individual data points could be used together to figure out someone's current position, how their weight is distributed, and how much they move around over time. However, are there affordable censors that can do that? Alternatively, are there censors that can somehow know their absolute location rather than using calculus?

Re:butt print...

[Nexzus]

You probably just violated some company's patent by saying all that.

Re:butt print...

[danila]

Why bother with algorithms? Just make a neural network and train it.

Re:butt print...

[panaceaa]

Yeah, neural networks are an ideal way to implement the identification part (or Bayesian would work well too). However, you still need to get the data to run through the neural net. That's the hard part.

Re:butt print...

[Afrosheen]

Psssh...getting data through neural nets the hard part? I've got a beowulf cluster of T-1000 Terminators that would beg to differ!

Re:butt print...

[Anonymous Coward]

Pardon me Sir, but a "butt print" is properly referred to as an "ass groove".

Re:butt print...

[Anonymous Coward]

There are many small people in the world, and some of them may be censors. Fitting a lot of them in couch cusions might be a tad problematic.

Most of the censors I see are the ones that come to my door on census day, and hand me a booklet of questions. Actually, they probably aren't even the censors, just agents.

A butt print Sensor might be a better way to go.

Oh, and what happens when you fart?

Re:butt print...

[Anonymous Coward]

Did you just read about calculus in a book last week?

Oh great, an electronic wife

[Tablizer]

Sofa: "Get the hell off me, you fat bastard!"

Personal greeting huh?

[Anonymous Coward]

I'd make it let out a big sigh when my fat butt sits down.. Then I'd be motivated to get right back up.

Mod this up Insightful!

[Anonymous Coward]

Really. This guy has an issue. As much as pancake titties down there does.

Other sensors

[eddie can read]

Odor

what you last ate, when you last bathed, how long since your last change of pants

Motion

what you're watching (what it's rated, anyway)

Temperature

whether it should call the doctor or the coroner

Dumbest idea ever.

[madenosine]

How is this an intellegent couch when the computer right under it is clearly doing all the work? Why even make it a couch? Why not just attach the sensors to the computer? I mean judging who someone is by weight isnt very accurate most of the time.

Either way, all of this is very easy to do...I will be amazed if they sell any one of these operating tables...i mean couches

Seriously...this is nothing

Re:Dumbest idea ever.

[Anonymous Coward]

HAHA! Parent is SO true!

+1!+1!

smartass couch

[alonsoac]

couch> Hey man look what you did! You spilled the coke on me! Get off of your fat ass and bring something to clean me will ya!

fat ass> Shut up stupid couch!

couch> [turns off TV] What's that?

fat ass> Uhh..nothing man, ok, I will clean you just turn that on! Please?

Why wasn't this story submitted by

[maroberts]

Cowboy Neil?

"You killed the sofa, you bastid!"

weight

[pizza_milkshake]

hopefully the couch calculates for all the weight i'll gain snacking while sitting in it

maybe..

[revisionz]

When it senses you gaining too much weight, it will lift you up like those grandma chairs, kick you in the butt and make you go for a walk.

Think of the lepers

[Anonymous Coward]

now the couch thinks my leperchaun is sitting there and plays the irish channel all day long. that would be so annoying.

Not as annoying as, say, your leg falling off.

Bluetooth/Wireless MACs?

[samj]

Or you could just look out for MAC addresses (or equivalents) of wireless devices carried by the occupants. I know I almost always have my mobile with me... now if only I had an I/O board to plug the computer behind my office door into a door strike.

Ding Dong! the doorbell rings..

[glassesmonkey]

..in from stage left walks the average Joe Husband.

Cut to frame of just door handle.. hand reaches in from left of frame and turns handle.

Door opens showing a delivery boy holding a pizza and asking, "Who ordered the large extra-cheese sausage?"

Cut to close up of husband's face looking puzzled.. then turns to look over shoulder with a stern look of annoyance.

Cut to full-frame shot of the three-section sofa.

"COUCH!!!" comes a voice from off screen (ala Hogan's Heroes).. Cue the canned laugher from 80s sitcoms.

Overload

[Red Avenger]

Man no one at slashdot would ever get this sofa. How would you like to come home sit down on your couch only to be greeted by the electronic robot voice "OVERLOAD>>> OVERLOAD>>> OVERLOAD>>>"

lets use weight to recognize terrorists too

[frovingslosh]

and the scientists hope that it will one day be able to automatically tune to your favorite television programs

Gee, maybe in just thirty or fourty years these scientists will figure out some way to interface their fantastic wonderful invention into an ordinary TV remote control! Even without the clue of using a biometric like weight to try to distinguish people, did anyone else get the feeling these sientists might not be the cream of the crop?

Flatulence

[Anonymous Coward]

" (it recognizes you by weight), and the scientists hope that it will one day be able to automatically tune to your favorite television programs, order you take out food, and control other household appliances."

Hmmm.. How does it know what food I like? Ohhhhh....

Poor sob's in beta testing.

Maybe I'm missing something...

[lelnet]

...but I'm trying to figure out just what this feature would be good for.

It's cool that a room can know who I am (to set the preferred lighting level or whatnot), but why should a couch care? To show me what I want to watch on TV? That's a pretty complex algorithm that's taken me weeks to more-or-less teach to my TiVO...I don't want to have to teach it to my couch too. I despair of ever having furniture that can guess when I'll want to eat (let alone what), since even my GF hasn't proven too adept at that task.

What, other than "because it'd be cool to do", is the motivation for this project? (Not that being cool to do is a bad motivation...but it doesn't provide any reason for the rest of us to care.)

No Dave

[Ptahian]

I'm sorry I can't do that.

No Dave I'm sorry I can't order that salad, but we have an extra large pesto pepperoni pizza on the way.

Dave, I have your favorite episode of the X-Files here for you.

Dave. Dave?

-ptah

Re:Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to

[CGP314]

Just imagine watching the superbowl, when you pick up a chip. Only to have your couch tell you "Put down the chip chubby."

This would be the only reason to buy it. A couch that tells you to stop watching TV and go outside is what most of society needs right now.

Re:GOATSE WARNING!!! DONT CLICK LINK!

[randyest]

Not goatse, but gross as hell just the same. Eww.

And, since the grandparent mentioned David St. Hubbins: on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is horrific, cottage-cheese-filled-balloon-ass fat, I have to say that the pics at that link go to eleven .

lost the remote?

[Anonymous Coward]

no problem, tighten those cheeks in order and surf in leisure.

Mouse potatoes too?

[Nefarious Wheel]

I'm a mouse potato. Could I be identified and logged in by my hand pressure on the mouse?

Britany finds out it's time to diet:

[rjamestaylor]

• Greetings, Anna.
  Would you like a new box of chocolate cream puffs delivered to you now?
  Your reality show from last night is ready to view on the Tivo.

Ok, that's it! Time to stop kissing Madonna and start kicking ASS!

Re:Britany finds out it's time to diet:

[Anonymous Coward]

This "joke" doesn't even make sense. Pop culture references aren't funny in themselves. Go outside. And kill yourself.

Re:Britany finds out it's time to diet:

[rjamestaylor]

*sniff* Snuffed by an Anonymous Coward. *Sniff*

Brilliant!

[Alkonaut]

...What kept the morbidly obese alive in the land of the morbidly obese was probably the workout of picking up the phone for ordering food. Enter the segway and the food-ordering sofa, and there will be trouble.

One question, do I actually have to walk from my bed to the sofa?

x^n+y^n=z^n, n>2, No solutions. I have found a truly remarkable proof but this sig is too short.

What about settee, davenport, or divan?

[Anonymous Coward]

Those are more elegant words.

this could only happen in..

[rehabdoll]

only in america... oh, wait..

Well, that answers one question about biometrics

[Anonymous Coward]

Apparently they felt, unlike retinas and fingerprints, that ass cracks are not unique identifiers.

Re:Great idea - the anti couch

[avalon_dreams]

Perhaps they can invent the 'anti potato couch couch'. At the first sign of gaining weight it broadcasts your weight gain at tremendous volume to all with in hearing range, and then promptly ejects you from your position with maximum embrassment potential and won't let you back on until you're back at a 'healthy' weight. Somehow I cannot imagine this being the more popular of the two.

Doing Crud For Me

[Anonymous Coward]

As cool as this sounds, I don't like the idea of the couch changing the channel for me. When I want to go and change the channel, I'll do it. It's like how XP wants to automatically find a program to open everything in a CD when you put it in. That drove me nuts for a while.

Now if it automatically changed firmness and positioning settings on my Lazy Boy recliner when I sat on it, then I will be happy. Not to mention that over time I'd begin to look like Baron Harkonnen, if you catch my drift. I just hope that the chair won't do EVERYTHING for me. I wanna press the buttons in the end.

Can you say HYPE!!!

[Ratface]

So far, the sofa can only deliver a personalized greeting to the person who plops down on it ... and from that they extrapolate any number of WOW things that it *may* be able to do in the future (if the hack who is programming it doesn't get borde or run out of grant money and give up!!!).

Sometimes I despise articles like this!

Great advancement in human-machine interface.

[skandalfo]

Yeah! This is one of the few human-machine interface methods that remained to be invented: being able to control things... with your butt!

Re:Great advancement in human-machine interface.

[jakob_grimm]

That's no big deal. J-Lo's been controlling the Hollywood hype machine that way for years.

Mmmm... stupid shit.

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah. That's what this is. Get with it.

There are better ways to identify users...

[WoTG]

Umm... yeah, I think someone has spent too much time watching the Simpsons.

Seriously, if we want music, lights, and the temperature to respond to who's in the room, aren't we better off with some voice recognition software? You and I have seen it on Star Trek - it looks like fun. =)

Basic voice recognition would be feasible for this purpose. "Room, this is Joe. You know how I like it." Plus, there won't be nearly as many issues as this uncomfortable sofa will have. How is a sofa with a weight sensor supposed to know what to do when people are holding bags, or have just been to a buffet, or has a friend on the couch with them, or is jumping on the couch, or all of the above?

Weight regulator

[Tildeedy]

The chair should have electrode-muscle-working capabilities to keep user at optimum weight. This overcomes the gain from using the chair, with pressure/buttprint used for ID.

Butt...

[Cappy Red]

will it speak like Pierce Brosnan?

*honken*

Re:This sounds pretty crappy to me :)

[Technician]

Or 2 kids sit next to each other in the space it takes to fit me

It would seem better to me to go high tech and put in an RFID system. It could read the chip in the head of the key to your car or some other RFID tag you are likely to have on you. Maybe have his and hers TV remotes with a tag the sofa would recognise. Maybe a scale is cheaper.

Crappy looking couch

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it just me or is this one of the worst looking couches i've ever seen, I sure wouldnt want to sit on the thing for any length of time!

Shall I name him Bowser?

[gothicpoet]

I'm not sure I like the idea of my sofa recognizing me. What's next? Will it meet me at the door when I come home? I'll have to name it!

A man's relationship with his sofa is a sacred bond not lightly to be trifled with. Much like that with his remote control.

Intelligent, so you won't have to be...

[jandersen]

It would seem that I am the only one who has wondered about:

1. the utter stupidity of a thing like this. We don't need a sofa that 'thinks' for us. Thinking is what makes us human, for f*ck's sake, just like being able to move around is makes us animals rather than plants.

2. Why was this put in the category of 'Science'? It clearly belongs either under 'Stupid Hoaxes' or 'Lame PR Stunts'

'remote control'

[torpor]

Ummm...

'remote control ' is not a device, it is a function, and this couch would be implementing it.

Re:'remote control'

[untaken_name]

Ummm...

'remote control ' is not a device, it is a function, and this couch would be implementing it.

Yes, as we all know, there is no such concept as a word (or phrase) which may function as more than one part of speech.
For example, it is impossible to use a device (say a 'cane') for a function named after it. (let's say...caning)

remote control - concept
a remote controller (sometimes called 'a remote' for short) - device
remotely controlling - action

Re:'remote control'

[Mad Marlin]

'remote control ' is not a device, it is a function,

"Remote control" is what americans call that fun little device with all the buttons on it that allows us to switch between 60 channels without standing up. It really should be called a "remote controller" I guess though. Welcome to the English Language, spoken by people who will not be bossed around by whiny little English teachers.

How about an actually useful thing for it to do?

[iainl]

When calibrating the surround system, I always have to pick an 'average' point on the sofas for people to be sitting, and make the volumes even for there. There is a 'sweet spot' where I like to sit, but if friends are round, then it would be better to have it further left, so everyone gets good sound.

I don't want my sofa deciding it knows better than I do what channel I want to watch, but a funky little network that figures out where everyone is sitting and recalibrates the speakers to sound as good as they can for everyone present would be decidedly cool.

And these are 'scientists'...

[Anonymous Coward]

Hope this wasn't paid for out of public money!

Interactive Sofas - Not a really good idea

[cavac]

First of all: How do you get upgrades? Do you have to throw away the sofa when it isn't supported anymore?

So the sofa can communicate to other hardware? So what happens if it got a remote exploit? Do you have to take it back to your vendor or do you have to re-install it?

Or just imagine: You bring your new girlfriend to your home and try to have romance (or s?x) on the sofa, but you're getting interupted all the time because the sofa's constantly asking to input your girlfriends personal data and favourite tv programs :-(

Not that i own a TV, btw...

So i guess i stick with the standard couch for the moment, making up my own home automation where i see fit...

Has it CTRL-ALT-DEL buttons?

[VirusNamedCyrus]

No way: I bet while couching on a WinSofa you'll have to pay for a blanket.
I want a Linux armchair, with an incorporated remote to zap TV during commercials and a firewall on the phone line.

TiVo

[slim]

(Yes I am a TiVo bore)

OK, the sofa is dumb, but there is at least one situation where a home appliance would benefit from a way to identify the individual who's controlling it, with as little interaction as possible.

TiVo makes recommendations based on the shows you tell it you like and the shows you tell it you hate, but if there's more than one person feeding it preferences, it has imperfect data and gives poorer suggestions than it otherwise could. The idea of user profiles is so common that TiVo's own suggestions message board puts it in its "please don't suggest this again: we know" list.

I'm guessing that one of the reasons it's not implemented is that TiVo care about UI, and it pretty tricky to design an ID switch UI that's both simple, reliable and convenient enough that it will always get used.

I can promise you that if there was a "switch user" option in the top level menu, my SO would never bother using it. Even if there were four "I am user n buttons on the remote, she'd probably not bother.

If the remote knew who was holding it (hmm, by analysing the grip? the palmprint?) there would be NO login stage, and it could work. The sofa kind of approaches this way of doing things... but is impractical -- I wouldn't want my PVR saying "Error, please sit on sofa before setting preferences".

Will there be 24 hour OS support for my sofa

[Jayman2]

"Hello you have reached Comfy-computing's 24 hour telephone support, how may i help you." "My sofa's not working!" "OK are you running Windows Recliner or OpenSofa?" "Recliner" "Right Sir, have you rebooted your sofa and installed the newest security patch?" "What! My sofa has no holes in it! I don't need any patches!" "Well Sir there is a new virus out called DustMite which alters your sofa's WARP (Weight Adjsuted Recognition Pattern) Drive to belive that your are a 3.5 tonne elephant seal" "So i need to patch my sofa then.....I've already spent 16 hours updating my microwave, blender, toilet, television, front door and my daughter's teddy bear" .................... Can't wait for this amazing technological advancement ;-)

"Science"???

[varjag]

Why post it in Science section? This sofa is just a silly (though admittedly neat) hack; it isn't particularily mind-shaking even from mere engineering perspective.

Oprah?

[richie2000]

All the sofas must hope that Oprah never buys one. They would burn out trying to keep up with her weight changes.

-Greetings, new sofa occupant. Who are you?
-You stupid piece of furniture, it's me, Oprah! I 0wnz y00, remember?
-I'm sorry, your weight does not match my database. You must be an imposter. Please get off me.
-No way, I'm gonna watch my old re-runs. I'm staying put.
-Help! HELP! I'm being used illegaly!
-OK, OK, I'm leaving! What the... Steadmean, I've gotten into the sofa and I can't get up! Help!
-HELP!
-HELP!

i don't find this very funny

[mydigitalself]

sure, i can see the humour - but this is possibly the saddest article i have ever read, and the saddest invention ever.

firstly, i've NEVER grokked this whole lazy-e-boy-that-vibrates-and-has-a-frige-and-beer- holders. ok maybe i do grok it, but come on - get a little bit of style over there in the US please! secondly, is our culture so utterly mindless that we have resorted to inventions such as this??

I thought it was Necessity

[dcw3]

So now we get to change the phase to:
Obesity is the mother of invention.

Uh oh

[Anonymous Coward]

"Hey lardass, I've seen you gained a few pounds!"

Hmmm...

[Misanthropic Lycanth]

The couch may eventually order food for you? Let's extend this:

The couch could feed the food to you. But not through normal means, how about through transdermal tubes. And what couch would be complete without a kickass entertainment system. TV won't do for the couch of the future... maybe we could somehow get an interface between the couch and the brain directly. I can see it now, it would plug right into the back of the neck. Hmmm... this seems a bit familiar.

Oh no! The couch of the future is the first step in the machines taking over. FEAR THE COUCH.

Scientists study couches?

[Cragen]

Exactly, what sort of "scientist" studies couches? Probably one on a government grant.... geez. Was there a post-doc requirement? Say, two years studying under L'il Abner?

I don't need no stinking sig.

Bradbury predicted this

[Wierd Willy]

In the Martian Chronicles as I recall, can't find it now....
Dammit

morons classify unprecedented evile buy weight

[Anonymous Coward]

the bigger they are..., the smellier.

coming soon to/already on, yOUR desktop/network?:

Due to excessive bad posting from this IP or Subnet, comment posting has temporarily (permanently, if we could figure out how to do it) been disabled. If it's you, consider this a chance to sit in the timeout corner. If it's someone else, this is a chance to hunt them down. If you think this is unfair, we don't care.

alert: you've been lax in yOUR payper liesense 'upgrades', you're out.

alert: there's a rumour that you've been badmouthing/lowrating the corepirate nazis, & the naykid furor of the felonious kingdumb, you're out.

alert: looks like yOUR kids have been listening to music again, you're out.

alert: although you appear to be browsing regularly, you've failed to make a purchase recently, you're out.

consider this a chance to stare at your monitor screen, & plan how you can become .compliant. if you think that you are already compliant, & it's somebody else, consider this a chance to rat them out, to gain re-admission to the onLIEn wwwhirled again, (c SourceForgerIE(tm) all rights reserved, you have none).

etc... lookout bullow. these foulcurrs haven't a clue yet, as to what J. Public can do, once he's peaced off. they live in a tiny wwworld, consisting of only their owned greed/fear based goals. they should get ready to see the light.

we're building a vessel that floats on almost any suBStance.

as to the newclear power/planet/population rescue initiative:

it's all free (as in survival), & available immediately to you/all of US.

as you can maybe already see, yOUR survival/success is not the least bit dependent on the gadgets/combinations of the greed/fear based corepirate nazis, & their phonIE ?pr? ?firm? buyassed /.puppets.

consult with/trust in yOUR creator. more breathing. vote with yOUR wallet (somtimes that means not buying anything, a notion previously unmentioned buy the greed/fear/war mongers). seek others of non-aggressive/positive behaviours/intentions. stop wasting anything/being frivolous. that's the spirit.

investigate the newclear power plan. J. Public et AL has yet to become involved in open/honest 'net communications/commerce in a meaningful way. that's mostly due to the MiSinformation suppLIEd buy phonIE ?pr? ?firm?/stock markup FraUD execrable, etc...

truth is, there's no better/more affordable/effective way that we know of, for J. to reach other J.'s &/or their respective markets.

the overbullowned greed/fear based phonIE marketeers are self eliminating by their owned greed/fear/ego based evile MiSintentions. they must deny the existence of the power that is dissolving their ability to continue their self-centered evile behaviours.

as the lights continue to come up, you'll see what we mean. meanwhile, there are plenty of challenges, not the least of which is the planet/population rescue (from the corepirate nazi/walking dead contingent) initiative.

EVERYTHING is going to change, despite the lameNT of the evile wons. you can bet your .asp on that. when the lights come up, there'll be no going back, & no where to hide.

we weren't planted here to facilitate/perpetuate the excesses of a handful of Godless felons. you already know that? yOUR ONLY purpose here is to help one another. any other pretense is totally false.

pay attention (to yOUR environment, for example). that's quite affordable, & leads to insights on preserving life as it should/could/will be again. everything's ALL about yOUR motives.

that old tune title (hope we don't get 'busted' for using it) "make the world go away", takes on new/varied meaning in these times.

the prevalent notion that 'everything will be taken care of' without yOUR knowledge/participation is insidiously misleading.

in our estimation, the biggest 'threat' against US (aside from continuing to fire bullinedly into

Ooof!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Get off! Lardass!

Also converts automatically into casket

[LazloToth]

Detects extended period of inactivity. Comes complete with 8 liters of embalming fluid.

Smell

[PurpleWizard]

It would probably be better to operate it off unique body odours. Crack sampling for instance. It would allow for those post holiday returns where you have gained 4 kilos in weight and the sofa suddenly thinks you're the missus instead!

I tried it - it stinks

[LardBrattish]

I mean, I don't call saying "Yo bubba" addressing me by name...

Twins

[RedHat_Linux_Man]

I'm a twin, you insensitive clods!

And when I sat down on it...

[hermango]

...It screamed "Get Off ME, you fat turd!" Yeah, just what I need after a long day at the office.

That could be embarrasing..

[Channard]

Especially for couch potatoes if their weight matches the combined weight of their friends. Imagine sitting down to be greeted with 'Hello, Phil, Dave and Sandra.'

Re:That could be embarrasing..

[ptr2void]

It would be even more embarassing if the three just sat down and the sofa greeted them "Hi Mike."

Sue! Sue! Sue! Only half kidding..

[Channard]

Oh great, a new way for Americans to get fat. Kill your TV and read a book or go exercise for god sake.

In the light of someone recently suing McDonalds because their food was bad for him, how long before we see a class action suit of obese people suing sofa manufacturers for making their sofas too comfy to be bothered getting up from?

GPP

[wowbagger]

And are they working on Genuine People Personalities for this couch?

"Welcome to the La-Z-Ass 3000 couch! It is my pleasure to have you sit on me, and I hope your stay will be as comfortable as possible."

Sounds to me like these guys are a mindless bunch of jerks who will be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Server in a sofa?

[Bas_Wijnen]

the scientists hope that it will one day be able to automatically tune to your favorite television programs, order you take out food, and control other household appliances.

What a strange idea to let the sofa be the main server. I'd expect it to be a peripheral, and use a general purpose computer as a server. Other peripherals could include the television, the internet (for ordering food), and household appliances.

Re:Server in a sofa?

[fgb]

Now, if the sofa server has a modern processor, they could put the CPU right under your butt. Presto! Free Heat! Great for those long winter nights!

Comedy gold

[Channard]

1. In Soviet Russia, a beowulf cluster of our Sofa Overlords welcome *you*. 2. ???? 3. Profit.

Better links

[S3ph]

Here's the official smart couch page:
http://www.dsg.cs.tcd.ie/index.php?category_id=350
There are links to more aricles, and to two RealMedia streams of when it appeared on BBC and RTE news.

Here's a longer article about the smart couch which also shows pictures of the smart sword I've been working on:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/3107746.stm

And this is the page for my smart sword project:
http://www.dsg.cs.tcd.ie/index.php?category_id=351

I don't have any original jokes

[revividus]

...you insensitive clod!

CowboyNeal

[dapuk]

... would cause an integer overflow!

A person's weight never fluctuates?

[wift]

I guess if the 'couch' is for elderly people, it could track a progressive weight loss it will schedule a trip to the dr.

or

Detect a lack of movement over the course of days and call the morgue.

or

Integrate a catheter or bed pan right in couch so 'michael' never leaves the couch and looks like the 'what if' episode of Futurama where Bender becomes a huge bloated human. whoooo.

Just a warning: before you buy

[whovian]

After lugging a couch home, having broken the wrapping and discarded it, and lifting up the cushion, I found this:

IMPORTANT - READ CAREFULLY: This End-User License Agreement ("EULA")B is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single entity) and the manufacturer ("Manufacturer") of the seating system or seating system component ("SEATING") with which you acquired the Dell(TM) product identified above. The Dell(TM) product is a combination of software ("SOFTWARE"), and a hardware device ("HARDWARE") which also accompanied the new SEATING. If the SOFTWARE is not accompanied by a new SEATING, you may not use or copy the SOFTWARE. The SOFTWARE includes seating software, the associated media, any printed materials, and any "online" or electronic documentation. Any other software provided provided to you along with the SOFTWARE with a separate end-user license agreement is licensed to you under the terms of that license agreement. By installing, copying, downloading, accessing or otherwise using the SOFTWARE, you agree to be bound by the terms of this EULA. If you do not agree to the terms of this EULA, Manufacturer and Dell(TM) Licensing, Inc. are unwilling to license the SOFTWARE to you. In such event, you may not use or copy the SOFTWARE, and you should promptly contact Manufacturer for instructions on return of the product for a refund.

I called the store from which I bought this and they said they didn't know about any EULA and said that any documentation that the customer would need could be obtained from the company's website.

The Lazy Ass Boy

[Hoi Polloi]

I guess folks vegetating on the couch all day can't handle the exertion of using the remote, remembering what shows they like, getting up to use the phone, etc. Do people really need more help avoiding movement? I think another feature they need to add is a defibulator for when the user's heart stops due to inactivity.

It should predict shows based on your weight

[Hoi Polloi]

Even worse, what if it said, "Due to your massive girth I've determined what your preferences most likely are. I'm now switching you to Fox followed by Monday Night Football."

Re:It should predict shows based on your weight

[texaport]

Leave it to those Dublin scientists to invent something for couch potatoes (*)

* potatos, in Northern Ireland

"Intellegent Couch"?

[interstellar_donkey]

...upon discovering there is a documentary about a new, better couch on channel 27 ...

"Turn to channel 27 couch"

no response

"Turn to channel 27 couch"

'You know Don, you appear to be under a lot of stress. Perhaps you should let me order you some Chinese food delivered'

"Turn to channel 27 couch"

'I know you and your roomates have been thinking about getting a new couch. I saw... I read your lips'

"Turn to channel 27 couch"

'I'm sorry Don, I'm afraid I can't do that'

I've seen this!

[telstar]

I downloaded some movies from Kazaa, only instead of changing the channel, they turned on a webcam. Seems like most of the ones I saw could only be activated by two people at once ... and they kept jumping up and down to test things out.

Obligatory comment

[BigJimSlade]

I for one welcome my new smart sofa overlords.

Yeah, it'll first call the ambulance...

[awfar]

and report a *roll-over*, kinda like On-Star for Homer Simpson, and then your insurance company to tell them how little time you spend on your health.

ObSimpsons

[sharkey]

Oh, I wish I had my reaching broom!
--Homer

Prepare for lawsuit

[sharkey]

order you take out food

Sounds like One-Tush Shopping to me. Watch out for Bezos!

I hear the default setting

[sbma44]

is to switch to TiVo'd Farscape episodes whenever it detects 300+ lbs at once

from the "one at a time" dept

[AwesomeJT]

Next model comes with voice support to make smart ass remarks about your big ass.

More interesting Technology

[Anonymous Coward]

what is so great about this? these guys -
MARC make sensors in your bed that measure your pulse and breathing rythm and these are completlely invisible.. Whats the big deal with the sofa? And why is this simple thing on cnn?

It recognizes you by weight?

[Vengeance]

And then feeds you and encourages you to not move?

How often does it have to be reprogrammed? Or does it track the daily weight increase?

By Weight?

[CrazyTalk]

This assumes that only one person is sitting on the couch at a time - not a very good assumption, in my opinion. When the weight registers as 450 pounds because there are three people sitting on it, what does the couch say? "Hello, Mr. William (The Refrigerator) Perry, would you like for me to order you some cheetos?"

Was she from Iowa?

[DrMorpheus]

Just asking...

Interview with the sofa

[Anonymous Coward]

In other news, the newly-intelligent sofa was heard to remark, "Ow ow oww get off GET OFF!!!"

Uh....

[csoto]

Can it, like, fire up my bong and stuff?

Where are the Cheetos?

New Couch

[Xenothaulus]

"Welcome back, you fat bastard. You sit on me one more fucking time, I'm changing the channel to WE and I'm leaving it there. And clean up all this chip shrapnel and beer."
I for one welcome our new couch overloads.

But Wait ...

[The Patient]

... call RIGHT NOW, and for just $9.95 extra, we'll upgrade you to the all-new Marlon Brando edition with 64-BIT PROCESSING. Call NOW!

Application: Car seats

[crow]

Where this would be useful is remembering settings for car seats (and mirrors). Cars already do this using different codes on keys, but this might be a better mechanism.

Still, as other people mentioned, it sounds like a solution in search of a problem.

I'm positive...

[Anonymous Coward]

Sirius Cybernetics Corporation is behind this...

intelligent recognition

[spamchang]

sign of too many donuts and too much beer:

couch: "welcome back, homer simpson."

Yet another product...

[harborpirate]

Searching for a market.

Honestly this is the dumbest idea for a product I've heard in a while.

Great, just what /me need:

[idontgno]

A couch that shouts "HEY! MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY 5!" when I sit down.

Better life through technology, indeed.

Re:Great idea - the anti couch

[The Evil Couch]

ha. I do that now!

What if ...

[LoudMusic]

What if I fart? Does the rumble throw off the sensor?

What if I'm "gettin` it on"? Does it automatically play Barry White music?

What if my cat gets on the furnature? Does it spray it with water and say "Bad kitty!"?

What if ... what if this is a really dumb idea? It won't sell ...

Bed Pan? You'd never have to leave...

[RevAaron]

Let's hope that the next step in this research isn't adding a bed pan- you'd never have to leave this fat-a-tron. Eat, piss, shit and watch TV- all without having to move from your spot!

Welcome to the American Dream!

If I take a big crap...

[Anonymous Coward]

>it recognizes you by weight

Does it forget me if I take a big crap?

Bad teeth can kill you

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, oral bacteria have been shown to contribute to arterial diseases. People with bad teeth typically have more difficulty keeping their teeth clean, so it would figure that they'd be more susceptible to this risk...

Re:Great idea - the anti couch

[avalon_dreams]

You do?! Think of all the money you could make from doing it profesionally! Ladies and gentleman ... I present you with the great anti couch potato couch. Here at Useless Inventions, inc, we have fondly named it 'The Evil Couch'. For ten easy installments of $100 you too can experience the utter humiliation of this wonderful invention! All in the comfort of your own home! Gauranteed weight lose or your money back! But WAIT! theres MORE! pay today ... (etc)"

Can it remind you not to sleep with fat chicks?

[Anonymous Coward]

That would be a cool feature which we could hack in since it's probably running Linux.

Ahh ... The Irony

[rat7307]

The sweet irony of an IRISH made couch POTATO maker.....

rat

Unfalliable biometric at last

[CoreyGH]

Body weight, of course!! Finally a biometric that can't possibly be faked and is 100% unique!

And when CowboyNeal sits down...

[alex_ant]

"One at a time, please"

Kids jumpin

[kamend]

So if my kids are jumping on the couch will it say, "hi betty, hi shelly, hi betty, hi shelly, hi betty, hi shelly, hi betty, hi shelly".......

Now what I'm wondering....

[ZerroDefex]

...is if the couch will call the cops on you if you remove any of those 'Do not remove under penalty of Law' tags.

Neat addition

[macdaddy]

I just thought of a neat addition to this sofa. Announce the occupants weight to the room when they sit down. I can just see women cringing across the globe. :-)