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Its true, behold the horrors that music piracy has wrought! Have you people no soul, no conscience, no compassion? Woe to all humanity!

Kid Rock dies of starvation like a filthy dog in the street

Maybe this game is more along your taste, no time limits, no puzzles, no pressure.

'Stacker'

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43441

As reported by The Onion... http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43029

From this link:

Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving
SAN FRANCISCO--Rock band U2, currently on tour in North America, is well-known for its human-rights advocacy, particularly its ongoing campaign to eradicate poverty in Africa. Less known to fans of the Irish supergroup, however, is that the lion's share of these efforts are made by lead singer Bono. The three other U2 members are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor...

I just about peed my pants when I read that, we analyzed that article in my AP Language class (censored of course)
noter to mods: Here's the original

I think this satire pretty much nails the state of the democracy in the US of A.

Ok. So people may not vote agianst the other party, but if there's any democracy in the world where polerization and demonization seems to be the main mechanism for attracting voters, that's the USA for you.

Basicly. The USA seems to be pretty stagnant, and most people aren't willing to "waste" their vote on a third candidate because noone else is. You guys are fucked :P

if the potential energy isn't really energy, then where does the energy the water picks up on the way down come from? It has to come from somewhere.

Maybe it doesn't come from anywhere - maybe it's intelligent falling! /me ducks :o)

EA's best kept secret is not bad, but you better watch the one Take-Two is working on, code named Stacker!

If they really could get a significant amount of tabs taken off the net and stop them circulating around on paper (and they really can't), I doubt it would hurt modern music much. Just more people will have to learn to listen and figure out the tabs out of songs for themselves... And that could actually lead to a positive effect on their musical abilities. :-)

After they're done with the lyrics and tabs, sooner or later they will sue a fan for putting a band's logo up on a fanpage

Obligatory link

Indeed, Wikipedia is not credible.

It's common knowledge that Kennedy was killed by the CIA, the Mafia, LBJ, the Teamsters, and the Freemasons, among others.

And that's totally not untrue because it's in a newspaper!

Actually, a relationship with God can apparently be had through your local intercom. :-)

thankyou for that

Says Herman Johnson, CIO of Mail Order Meats, 'my site was getting pounded hard by a bunch of yahoos who seemed to have no interest in spicy smoked meats. I don't know where they were coming from but it was one more in a long series of unfortunate events that burned through the last of my IPO money. Earlier this year I had already moved the offices from a 200,000 sq. ft. high rise in Mountain View to a corner of my parent's basement to try to conserve cash.'

'Suddenly this storm of activity hit. They used up all my bandwidth but didn't buy anything, only leaving rude innuendoes in the forums about my kielbasa sausages. It was just time to try something new. Plus my mom needed the space in her deep freezer where I kept my inventory and the Slim Jims kept disappearing. I suspect an inside job. I told my dad I know it's him and if I ever catch him I will call the police.'

Mail Order Meats (Stock symbol MOM) which once reached a high of 212 1/8 dollars a share now trades over the counter at 0.00004 cents.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43029/ RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

LOS ANGELES--The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

As ever.
The Onion: RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

Now other people will be able to take public transit more effectively, freeing up more room on the freeway for me and my Hummer!

LOS ANGELES - The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43029

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

Since Microsoft has patented 1's and 0's, maybe they *will* run out.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29130

Oh, yeah, let's turn this into a "Brits are smarter than Americans because we sip tea and walk with a swish" discussion. Or not.

You seem to be confused about what satire is. Here's an example. Using a ridiculous pen name and a lame biography does not transform an otherwise bad article into satire.

I know you did NOT just quote "The Onion" as fact! The Onion is a satirical newspaper (distributed at least in the Mid-west of USA). There is NO story in that paper that is legitimate. While funny, the articles are entirely made-up. See here for another good laugh -> http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 While I like your final point about a sensible diet, etc. "The Onion" is NOT a real news source!

A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University have found a link between the consumption of dog urine and the decreased likelihood of heart attacks, team leaders announced Tuesday in cracking, uneven voices.

"Our research indicates that by drinking six to eight glasses of fresh dog urine per day, individuals can reduce the risk of cardiac arrest by as much as 70 percent,"

How about a sensible diet, a variety of foods, don't O.D. on anything, and you'll be OK, says the geek who can pound a six-pack of Mountain Dew every day and still sleep like a baby.

-paul

Hehe, reminds me of The Onions article about five razor blades vs four.. Interesting that they wrotes this WELL before a 5-blade razor ever came out

By Scott McNealy
CEO and President,
The Sun Corperation.
December 2 2005

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of Unix servers in this country. SUN was the server to own. Then the other guy came out with a open source Linux based servers. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called Solaris. That's three layered enterprise system and J2EE application server. For portability. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened--the bastards went to GCJ and JONAS. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three layered enterprise system and J2EE strip. portability or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going "open source".

Sure, we could go open source next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let's play it safe. Let's make a thicker Java layer and call it the Solaris enterprise environment. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the open source game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Solaris is the best OS a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If the BSD license is good, and the GPL license is better, obviously Sun's even more restrictive open source lisence would make us the best fucking system that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the Unix game by clinging to the posix industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, open sourcing theo whole Solaris entrprise system is the biggest chance of all.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent--I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more abstraction layers in there. I don't care how. Make the JVM so thin it's invisible. Put some on the management interface. I don't care if they have to cram the new enterprise layer in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "Operating" part of "Operating System" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make platform history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when Solaris becomes the development tool for the U.S. of "this is how we program now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to develop, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Microsoft, working on fucking VISTA. Secure platform, my white ass!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Microsoft's wake and make game consoles. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Microsoft is the day I leave the operating system game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!

The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, developing with anything less than J2EE is like hacking lines of VB off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off your firewall." Try "Your source is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief around it."

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which SUN is, always

Too good: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43029

copy of text from above link:

LOS ANGELES--The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums. "We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material," a press release signed by RIAA anti-piracy director Brad Buckles read. "We will aggressively prosecute those individuals who attempt to pirate our property by generating 'buzz' about any proprietary music, movies, or software, or enjoy same in the company of anyone other than themselves." RIAA attorneys said they were also looking into the legality of word-of-mouth "favorites-sharing" sites, such as coffee shops, universities, and living rooms.

This is a natural outgrowth of the fact that they can't effectively index virii.

Therefore, they must be destroyed.

I'll leave you with one thought. Finns are socialists. Linus Torvalds is Finnish. Linus Torvalds got here on an airplane. ®

Although I wonder if Otto Z. Stern is related to T. Herman Zweibel

As an aside, though - who wasn't involved in the Kennedy assassination?

He must be a Libra. The match with this horoscope is really stunning.

Such as these ADHDTV sets. Photo here.

Such as these ADHDTV sets. Photo here.

Wow, you sound cool. Do you know this guy?

It's already hard enough to reach for the remote control!

That's why they've invented the remote control which can be operated by remote.

The genetic basis for lying around and shoveling potato chips in your mouth all day has been know for some time. It's mainly due to overproduction of fritoceptors which heighten sensitivity to snaxamine-2.

The Onion has a summary that is just as informative and much shorter.

There's a very good Onion article on this subject.

"Ask the Author of the Latest MS-Funded Windows vs. Linux Study"

I thought immediately of all those surreal advice columns with similar headlines in The Onion.

Maybe you didn't get the memo: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

Sounds like Google may be ready to go starbucks.

As it turns out, the same news source has recently revealed Google's "phase two" plans.

Cheers,
IT

Sounds like Google may be ready to go starbucks.

All I have to ask is this: have the evangelical Christians been much more effective at discounting the theory of evolution in China than they have here? Kind of sounds like it...

No, but it sounds like they're finding traction discounting the theory of gravity.

Fun toy banned because of three stupid dead kids

Your Wedding Falls Square in the Middle of the Prisoner Marathon

The article from The Onion

Thanks for noticing!

Ted, is that you?

Had to be done.

"But then again I haven't turned on my TV for 3 months, and have started limiting my online times, because they were taking away from intellectual activities."

http://www.theonion.com/content/index

No kidding

Say, you should meet this guy.