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Take Me Home, I'm Drunk
Nereus writes "The BBC News is reporting on an interesting new software product developed by three undergraduates at the University of Aberdeen [and the Universities of Hull and Sheffield]. The University Leisure and Lifestyle Manager (ULL) is the ultimate student companion, helping in all aspects of life; from choosing text books, to getting home from the pub after a few too many. Hopefully it won't put an end to the traditional student pastime of waking up on a park bench after a night out, with a traffic cone on your head..."
Shouldn't it be "Take me drunk, I'm home?"
The facts have a liberal bias. --The Daily Show
No matter how well the software is written, the real question is: Will it help me get a chick in the pub? Getting drunk and eventually getting home is the easy part.
--
Retail Retreat
"You seem to be writing a letter"
"You seem to be sleeping in and there is an exam in 13 minutes"
"Are you really sure you want to install OSS on that machine?"
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
Whatever happened to people using their heads to make smart decisions on how to handle their day to day existence?
Geez.
The older I get, the less I like everyone else.
Seriously, when I've been completely pissed I can hardly remember key sequences and don't even think about coding while drunk, all you get is code riddled with errors and a headache. Fiddling with fiddly little things with lots of buttons (some of which result in a most pleasing and satisfying 'Beep') requires dozens more firing neurons than lifting a pint. Best to just seek out that park bench, some warm snuggly newspapers and a traffic cone.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Handy stuff. I know when I'm piss drunk, I have no trouble at all operating a smart phone/PDA.
If i'm too drunk to walk home, I can't even hit the little buttons on my cell in the correct order, how the hell is that going to work?
What are we going to do tonight Brain?
In a related story, the company reports that out of all the device forms in the catalog, the "inflatable woman" leads in pre-sales, followed by "Bit" from TRON and the Sonic Hedgeho "Tails" character.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
Ah, memories... I still don't exaclty remember how I ended up there. The cops were nice, they brought me home.
Ahhh...the great dumpster continuum. Many a free computer will be found there. -- sowth (748135)
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. But the only thing that worried me was the ether. There is nothing more irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we would be getting into that rotten stuff sooner or later. Probably when this cool badger movie is over. This thing is longer than the LoTR trilogy, but I think it's almost over.
It would be a deal if it came with like discounts on cab rides or local bar coupons or booze shop discounts.
Sure to increase sales of urine- and beer- resistant PDA's.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
When you wake up on a Park Bench? What kind of lame school did you go to? It's not even a night out unless you're either in de-tox, a cell, or in bed with something really scary looking.
What is this, the Hitchhikers Guide to the University?
entry for University of Aberdeen - Mostly Harmless.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
whats wrong with the tried-and-tested beer scooter?
Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such drunken cyberfilms as "Demon Seed 2: Electric Boogaloo" and "Collossus: The Moonshine Project".
And remember, robots don't let their friends drive drunk!
Some nice ideas, but I've never had any choice in what textbooks to get, so I've got no use for that little widget. And how's it gonna actually give me feedback on essays beyond the spell/grammar check capability already in MS Word/ OO Write? The whole thing strikes me as being a jack of all trades, master of none.
But does it get rid of the chick you ended up with after the one night stand the morning after?
This story reminds me of the yarn that Lister spins in Red Dwarf. "My mate Petersen once brought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. Smart Shoes, they were called. It was a neat idea. No matter how blind drunk you were, they would always get you home. Then he got ratted one night in Oslo, and woke up the next morning in Burma."
You are in error. No-one is screaming. Thank you for your cooperation.
n/t
I'm still sober
"Mr Grieve is confident the system can be used in the real world."
That is what really matters. There are literally thousands of nifty little student projects created each year. While ideas are interesting, they are cheap. Even the most clever ideas die.
In this case, the students were lucky enough to get some press. That exposure, of course, will drive the idea up the ladder. Still, exposure alone will not make the idea successful in the market. Bravo to the students for getting some free PR!
Linux suffers from similar problems. It just doesn't matter how great it is. What matters, to many people, but not all, is how Linux is adopted in the marketplace. The best ideas don't necessarily win. Product marketing, solid management, planning, quality, and more, all matter.
How to Download YouTube Videos
have to do with the goddamn story?
Well?
You've got a fuck of a lot to answer for, Michael.
The article mentioned that Microsoft(tm) was hosting this. Since this is a Microsoft contest, I'm curious as to who keeps the design, patents, etc. Will M$ just steal it and the money, then say, "It was in the ULA"?
I was thinking of converting to paganism, but where the hell can you find sacrificial virgins these days?
doesn't get to come home.
Sounds like what spyware companies have been pushing for years...
In Russia (not necessarily Soviet, though they had this back then, too) men have what they call "autopilot". They don't need no stinkin' smartphone when they're drunk. I've tried that multiple times and it works. Just leave it to whatever little part of your brain that is still functioning (that's what the autopilot is, essentially and this assumes that you haven't done drugs with your Vodka) and it'll get you home all by itself if you can walk. And I can walk no matter how much "load I've taken on my chest" (another Russian idiom).
If I had a nickel for every time I've woken up in a strange neighborhood with a traffic cone on my head....
If students are into academia???
Wonder what UofAberdeen's tuition is.
Seeing bad movies only encourages them. Watch responsibly
How about getting your car home from the pub? There's a problem it can't solve. Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson had a brilliant suggestion- he parks illegally. Gets a great spot, and the next morning, he walks down to the tow lot a few minutes away, pays the fee and drives home. Apparently it works out perfectly, with the tow fee being less than one-way taxi fare.
Excellent TV program, by the way. If you can find it on the p2p nets, it's fantastic. Fifth Gear is decent(Tiff is pretty funny, Viki's alright), but not as good. Beware short clips "mistakenly" named with "Top Gear" in the filename. Oh, I wish we had reviewers like Clarkson etc here in the states.
Please help metamoderate.
i found you, tyson! you were here exactly 26 minutes ago.
"traditional student pastime" ?
That was last night!
Sig it.
Can it shove a rectal suppository into me, as well?
suppository.
suppository ( P ) Pronunciation Key (s-pz-tôr, -tr)
n. pl. suppositories
A small plug of medication designed to melt at body temperature within a body cavity other than the mouth, especially the rectum or vagina. Also called bougie.
Of having your friends help drag your sorry ass from the on-campus apartments back to your dorm room, while waving at the cops who are driving past the party...and then when they get you in the room and throw you on your $5 Goodwill couch, your roommate turns and points, and does a Nelson Muntz "HAA-HAA". Maybe that's just me...
Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
I've taught myself a little trick over the years to avoid this situation. If I'm drunk and have managed to find a chick that's drunk enough to go home with me, the first thing I do is lay my palm out flat and briefly examine it. Then I immediately look back at her. She has to be at least as attractive as the palm of my hand before I'll take her home. Of course, this doesn't really help much with the cute but psychotic variety.
If you just don't to deal with attachment, get a prostitute. Like the saying goes: You don't pay a prostitute to sleep with you; you pay her to leave before you wake up.
When I was in college I worked in a fastfood joint. Printed on the sides of the coffee cups was:
"Caution: Hot Coffee Is Hot."
Need I saw more?
bash: rtfm: command not found
for(i = 0 ; i 49 ; i++) {
n += drink_beer();
}
if (n == TIPSY)
find_park_bench();
else if (n == WILDY_UNINHIBITED)
find_fat_girl();
else if (n == COMPLETELY_FUCKING_SMASHED)
find_jail_cell();
A grad student at my college once coded an entire poker game(in Scheme, I believe) while throughly drunk one night. It worked flawlessly, on the first try the next morning. Nobody could figure out how most of it worked.
Intel flew him from Wisconsin to Texas for interviews one weekend and hired him on the spot(the offer was good enough he didn't dare even think it over). Our professor joked that they probably thought they had a "pretty good" candidate until they met him, and realized they had a genius on their hands...
Nice guy. Great sense of humor, brilliant, and while he'd get engrossed in some programming project, he was also pretty sociable.
Please help metamoderate.
... you should actually use your own brain!
+1 Insightful, -1 Troll. What can I say, I'm an Insightful Troll.
I've tried coding when drunk a few times, and I've noticed I take a more 'gung-ho' approach to coding. While the code itself does it's function, I find the next day when I look at the code, that it misses out a lot of checks for return values from functions likely to fail, and generally, I leave out robustness-tests. Come to think of it, when drunk, I am of the philosophy that debugging can wait until I've sobered up.
"Take Me Home, I'm Drunk"
Isn't that the blonde mating call?
(good thing my girlfriend doesn't read here)
Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
My friend took way to much LSD one evening and in the morning when the dream world finally started to recede he realized he was 20 feet up in a tree completely naked in the next county.
He pulled the classic "steal some clothes off a clothsline" and got home safely. He's very lucky those folks liked that fresh feel of air drying their clothes...
Anyway when you are basically tripping so hard that you think "damn what is this big clump of string wrapped around my body! Arrrgh must seek refuge in the trees!" you probably aren't going to be utilizing any techno gadgets...
Slightly offtopic, but hugely amusing nonetheless. A friend of mine once woke up with no memory of the previous night's happenings to find a temporary traffic light in his front room. He still doesn't know how it got there or where he got it from.
As quickly as possible I hope. You really don't want to be on the road longer than you have to be in that kind of condition.
"Now I don't need any friends," the geek says, "this is the best Christmas ever."
Always sleep at HER place! You can leave silently if you want to, and if you don't, she might end up preparing you a lunch!
Hey thats my uni, and I've not got a fucking clue who they are. Dam it they are even on my course.
I think I need to socialise more with people on my course
...if you don't exist
/cliche'd
CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
...I didn't get a parking cone, but I did get alot of Sharpie on my face. That was a real hit at work. *blush*
CAn'T CompreHend SARcaSm?
Pfft. I have something that works just as well, if not better. It's called a Magic Eightball.
So to get a brunette, does that mean we have to listen to the phrase "Take me home, I need to study?"
Or a redhead: "Take me home, I need to fsck?"
Chris Knight is my hero.
If the car is towed to a lot near his house, how does he get home without paying the cab fee anyway?
I'm quite proud to say that the original idea and first implementation of this program was created while sat in my room.
M. Steeples, mentioned in the article created the idea behind this, and won the second round of the competition based purely on his work on it, tbh, he is a pretty scary coder, not mentioned in the article there is he also won "Best Competitor".
In case anyone is wondering, all rights and code belong to the students involved, Microsoft is not getting anything out of the competition in that way.
Q1. What is the blonde mating call?
A1. "I think I'm drunk!"
Q2. What is the brunette mating call?
A2. "Did that blonde leave yet?"
the turbo charged bar stool my personel fav.
You sly dog: you got me monologuing! - Syndrome
I honestly don't know how to answer. The first time I saw it I thought "How fucking annoying" and hit the back button on my browser. The second time I ended up there I watched it for a couple minute or two wondering what the point of it all was.
Now for some reason I find myself visiting the site for no particular reason. Sometimes a couple times a day. I don't know what draws me to it.
Actually I'm gonna go check it out for a couple minutes right now while I waiting for new comments.
I was mad at a roomate a while back and changed my password on my computer when I was drunk. Well, you guessed, woke up the next day and couldn't remember what it was...FORMAT!
That'll wake you up a bit, but it won't make you any less drunk. BTW, for you geeks that don't think you can ever get laid, make sure you keep an 8ball around the house. When you're out at the bar make sure you mention it in front of as many chicks as possible. One of them will approach you about going back to your place. And unless you are really truly nasty they will sleep with you, even if you are there's a decent chance they will anyway.
You must be an Ivy Leaguer. Bunch of prudes.
-Peter
So to get a brunette, does that mean we have to listen to the phrase "Take me home, I need to study?"
No, listen for the phrase, "Hey, did that drunk blonde leave yet?"
nt
Er one slight problem: what student (pissed or not) would actually use a taxi!? Thats like wasting drink money! and text books?!? WTF? A real student manager should have Locate women, Locate drinks, Locate toilet.
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
Drunken Student: "...and so we all ended up in the lake. Hey, you want to get out of here? I've got a great view of the quad from my balcony."
Bar Girl: (smiling) Sure, I'd love ---
ULL Device: *beep* *beep* *beep*
Drunken Student: "Hmm? Just a sec."
ULL Device: Danger Will Robinson, Danger! Target female possesses adam's apple and male genitalia! High probability you've wandered into a tranny bar. This is not within acceptable parameters.
Drunken Student: "Umm, I forgot I have to write an important she-male, er e-mail, when I get home. Sorry, gotta run.
Bar Girl: (waving from the bar) "Call me?"
Will it help me find my other glowstick?
First, an article about the shape of the universe, quoting a researcher from the University of Ulm. Then the University Lifestyle Manager (ULM).
I wonder if all this is somehow connected to Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern Schplenden Schlitter Crasscrenbon Fried Digger Dingle Dangle Dongle Dungle Durstein von Knacker Thrasher Apple Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotty Spelltinkle Grandlich Grumblemeyer Spelterwasser Kurstlich Himbleeisen Bahnwagen Gutenabend Bitte Ein Nürnburger Bratwustle Gerspurten Mitz Weimache Luber Hundsfut Gumberaber Shönedanker Kalbsfleisch Mittler Aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm...
Hopefully it won't put an end to the traditional student pastime of waking up on a park bench after a night out, with a traffic cone on your head...
Better than the "waking up with 'fag' written on your face with permanent marker and a mysterious condom in your ass and a video of you on the internet of you making out with fat girls" tradition that colleges seem to be going through these days.
Ah, to be young again.
In the days of old, fat women used to be considered the most attractive, and often appeared in classical art. Perhaps being fat was a symbol of fertility, and to maximise your chances of passing on your genes, you tended to look for a more fertile woman. Nowardays, people just want to get laid, so maybe they subconciously look for women who are un-fertile.
Not a PDA but a cellphone (a nice Nokia 8110 back in the day, a company phone...):
While drinking with my buddies an a saturday evening I talked to a friend we were about to meet later. In the middle of the conversation I had to go. I held the phone ear-to-shoulder and proceeded relieving myself. While still urinating I dropped the phone to the toilet. When I was finished I was so angry I tried to flush the phone down. Fortunately it was too big to go down.
Had nice time next monday. Still suffering from the hangover tried to explain what happened to my boss.
I have dropped, lost (sober and drunk), machine-washed, etc countless phones since then, but that was the start of my career in cellphone abuse.
Because I saw it was a microsoft sponsored thinguie, so I assume its closed source.
So, when you wake up with a big headache, a nasty butt pain, and a big macho sailor with "blue oyster" tatooed in its bicep and an evil smile by your syde you can be glad that:
"a lot of universities are getting free wireless access points so students would only be paying for messaging"
It had only costed you the messaging to get a new dove walking style...
An the worst part, if a BIG security flaw allowed it, you would't even know about it untill you saw the video on kazaa of you drunk getting bunked by 19 different guys...
I'm trying to get modded "Interesting Flamebait Informative and Insightful Redundant Troll" *-* Please Help *-*
Very very funny..
It's the policewoman's helmet and the suspenders that I don't understand!
"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women..." -H. Simpson
Has anybody tried to attach the stabilisation system of a Segway to a beer glass? Do that and all you have to do is lift and swallow, no more spilling valuable Pabst.
Why do I have this? I don't smoke.
The next morning found him with a bad hangover, smelling like piss, and finding that his pants had been ripped up when their dog decided to eat his wallet.
Call me crazy but I dont think the _dog_ was the one who ripped his pants... 2 guys sleeping together, one of those pissed the bed.... hmn... I think I need to sleep, too many alcohol... Oh wait, where I am??????? Crap, where is that program when you need it...
Yes! Pingular finally posts at -1, just like the jackass Sir Haxalot. Which account will this loser use for whoring next?
I wish I'd be a bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch." --Alan Partridge
I was thinking this was some kind of new dating service technique!
while true ; do echo this is my sig; done
and while you're at it, here's my banking info...I won't need the money anymore.
man rtfm
Yea, problem is there really was a cone and other stuffs in my room. I wasnt jocking.
But maybe you arent either?
And I'd like my cone back please.
You do know this is a Microsoft funded competition that this software run? Why the hell would Microsoft want people to think for themselves?
Glad someone quoted Red Dwarf.
Since you mention being hunched over a toilet I really must get this out of my system that, ... when I'm drunk and really really need to expunge something food-like out of my body (usually the same way it came in), I actually find no other place more comfortable than lying on cold bathroomfloor-tiles.
Part of this story reminds me of this guy I know. He was pulled over for drunk driving and the cops took him home and did not arrest or charge him.
He went back for his car with a tractor, he is a farmer, to tow his car home....while he was still heavily under the influence. The same cops stopped him on the tractor and charged him with both drunk driving charges. He now has to blow into a device to start his car. Strangely they did not put one on his tractor.
... you should actually use your own brain!
He's on a ventilator. It does his breathing for him. - Nurse
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. - Homer
I dated a brunette. She was absolutely beautiful. Her pickup line (the one I always fell for) was, "Lets work on that program". I gotta say, I loved dating a programmer.
Serious? Seriousness is well above my pay grade.
To quote KingPin:
Roy: "What's so funny?"
Ish: "I didn't wanna be the one to tell him, but with those narrow hips, that girl couldn't have more than six or seven children."
As my sibling poster implied, it is all about where you place value... though he indicated it was entirely about money, which is but one thing which is valued.
IMHO, regarding modern criteria for beauty, that which makes women different from men defines what is attractive to the opposite (heterosexual) sex. Beyond this, I'd say "healthy" is high on the list, which is valued for obvious reasons. A healthy body can also be a sign of discipline and balance, which are generally desirable characterstics.
Of course, a person can become beautiful (or ugly) the better you know them. Similarly, if we see people on TV who exhibit qualities we want, we will grow to find them beautiful (and people who look like them).
Does this perceived dislike end up giving the lasses of greater proportions a lower self-esteem, making them less pleasant, and re-enforcing the stereotype?
Possibly, but there will always be people who dislike you for one reason or another. It is your choice whether you become bitter. Likewise, if you are beautiful and you are treated as though you can do no wrong, it is your choice whether you become elitist.
In the modern US, people who smoke are generally socially frowned upon. As a result, they may become bitter, but such social pressure is not necessarily bad since it may encourage many to quit.
Not to be callous, but excessive body fat is something that can be changed naturally, and in fact, should be reduced (to reasonable levels) in order to live a long and healthy life. Of course, fat can be taken to an unhealthy extreme in either direction.
...a friend a guy I know went out, got drunk, and woke up in bathtub full of ice with his spleen missing.
:^)
I swear it's true!
Sometimes, I wonder if some people's dislike of geeks is just something that has been imposed on us by society. How many of us secretly admire them, but are too afraid to admit it to anyone? Does this perceived dislike end up giving more intelligent people a lower self-esteem, making them less sociable, and re-inforcing the stereotype? According to this article, a geek started a business as a prank, but ended up becoming the richest man in the world, but was later disqualified because people preferred stylish furniture.
In the days of old, geeks used to be considered most attractive. Perhaps being intelligent was a symbol of fertility, and to maximise your chances of passing on your genes, you tended to look for a more intelligent man. Now-a-days, people just want to get laid, so maybe they subconciously look for men who are un-fertile.
I don't secretly fancy them, I'll readily admit that I find women with curves more attractive than impossibly waif-like, 13-year-old girl, no-hips, looking models.
Having a different body-shape is not a flaw, and the sooner people realise this the better off we'll all be.
"I felt sorry for all the guys packing into gyms, trying to look like what Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger said they should." - Jack
> "Hopefully it won't put an end to the traditional student pastime of waking up on a park bench after a night out, with a traffic cone on your head..."
"Hopefully it won't put an end to the traditional student pastime of waking up on a park bench after a night out, with a tramp huddled up for warmth..."
SURELY NOT!!!!!
Young Drunk Homer:
Ambulance guy: sir you have had a dangerous amount of alchohol to drink.
Homer: The only dangerous amount of alchohol is none.
My Gawd WTF...