Spammer Apologizes

radarsat1 writes "The Globe and Mail reports that Canadian professional spammer Eric Head, after being sued by Yahoo!, has apologized formally for his behaviour and vows to mend his ways by teaching others about the dangers of the internet. Let's hope others begin to take his lead."

Comments

Assuming...

[Cragen]

that he doesn't do it by email...

Re:Assuming...

[daveashcroft]

Lets *ALL* email him to say thanks for the apology. Five thousand times each. ;-)

Re:Assuming...

[scubacuda]

And we all write it differently, so as to evade in filtering software he may have running. Sample:

Tha nks for the ap0logy

---- system information ----
MIME Please Australia languages) shorthand Group's used fallback
capabilities using numbers procedure imply face parameters within
note believes conventions Transition implemented at Han accordance
describing javautilLocale needed parties populate Application covered who selection create wildly generally usage which Preferences environment

(Yes, that last paragraph was taken out of a real spam)

Re:Assuming...

[Unpredictable]

And before the lawsuit was completed, he [URL=http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/Articl eNews/TPStory/LAC/20040312/RSPAM12/Business/Idx] sold all of the email addresses in his database[/URL]. (globeandmail.com) Spammers should be locked up for at least ten years.

Re:Assuming...

[mrbcs]

Just take the spammers out in the middle of the street downtown and shoot them. Oh wait this is Canada, they'll probably give him a freakin medal or something. This shit has to stop. Unfortunately, we have 100 millions brain dead windows users out there who click on everything thinking that their computer works like a tv....AHHHH. 5 years it'll only be us geeks left. Everyone else will have screwed up their puters so bad, and the rest of us will be tired of fixing them (big grin)

Re:Assuming...

[SphericalCrusher]

Or just the fact that we ALL are e-mailing him is spam enough. That's A LOT of people afterall...

Pfft....

[Mz6]

I'm sorry... I promise to never do it again. Sorry for filling inboxes full of useless, yet amusing, crap. But HAH! I had my toes crossed! It doesn't count!

Re:Pfft....

[Fooby]

Right, and the fact that Yahoo! filed a lawsuit again him has nothing to do with it, either.

(Eric) Head, Talking!

[American AC in Paris]

And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?
And you may say to yourself
My god! What have I done?

Re:(Eric) Head, Talking!

[AndroidCat]

Now that he's become a drummer in a rock band, can we all pray for a Spinal Tap moment?

"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about th

[geek]

"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about the dangers of the internet."

Is that supposed to be a joke? Come on, what a cop out. I'm all for people reforming, but why does this sound so phoney? I give it 6 months before he's back at it again, probably based out of China or Russia.

Ultimate Insensitive Clod!

[byolinux]

He never apologised to me.

In Soviet Russia, Canada Spams YOU!

Re:Ultimate Insensitive Clod!

[awkScooby]

He never apologised to me.

I got my apology email from him. He also was kind enough to ask if I was interested in some Viagra...

Oh, ok...

[Cytlid]

...if I ever see him, I'll beat the crap outta him. Then apologize.

Re:Oh, ok...

[ackthpt]

...if I ever see him, I'll beat the crap outta him. Then apologize.

Yesterday I checked my junkmail box. It had 5,900+ emails in it. I don't think my fists would hold up beating the crap out of all the people sending me that junk. If only someone would email me an offer on how to make fists of steel or something...

Re:Oh, ok...

[Mikkeles]

Here you go; stainless steel mesh gloves!

Re:Oh, ok...

[name773]

f only someone would email me an offer on how to make fists of steel or something...
sure no problem. just post your e-mail in plain-text on a well-traveled websight where our worms^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H everybody can see it, the flood of^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H e-mail will follow shortly.

Re:Oh, ok...

[FirstTimeCaller]

And I'm sorry that I wished Mr. T would eat his balls.

Ok, not really. But then, I'm not under a court ruling to do so.

What is he sorry for?

[mhesseltine]

Is he sorry that he bothered millions of users, clogged up mailboxes, and generally made a nusiance of himself? Or, is he sorry that he got caught?

And, if he's teaching about the "dangers of the internet," does that mean he'll teach people to avoid scams like the ones he launched? Or, is he going to teach other spammers about how he got caught?

Re:What is he sorry for?

[Ginga_Ninja]

...or continuing your theme, is he going to launch a new career as a self professed expert on the speaker circuit? Something along the lines of those 'learn how to become a millionaire in the property market', or 'let me teach you to play the stock market and win!!' cons.

If truly sorry then one would imagine he'd get a proper job working for spamhaus or trying to actually contribute something back.

Re:What is he sorry for?

[kent_eh]

Or, is he sorry that he got caught?


To quote every cop I've ever known...

"They're always sorry after they get caught. If they really felt that way, they wouldn't be doing $CRIME in the first place"

I A M S@RRY

[apachetoolbox]

PL3 SE F0RG IVE ME

*No PrescrlptlonNeeded
*Fully Confldential
*No Embarrassment
*No Waiting Rooms
*Shlpped Overnlght
*Dlscreet Packaging

Re:I A M S@RRY

[Errtu76]

you forgot to add 300 random english words :P

Re:I A M S@RRY

[Captain DaFt]

You're Eric Head? The apologetic spammer? (Extend right hand as if offering a handshake, then sucker-punch him square in the jaw with my left)
Oops! Sorry! };->

Dangers of the internet?

[Purple_Walrus]

What is this guy going to say? "Now that I can't make money off the internet you shouldn't go on it because it's... DANGEROUS"?

Spammer apologizes....

[kpansky]

RTFA. The spammer will apologize and will work for a charitable organization. Already he has plans to send out emails asking to help the Nigerian Prime Minister unlock trillions of dollars from the Sultan of Brunei -- all he needs is a small donation from YOU!

This sucks.

[mothz]

I better start stocking up on those penis pills before they become scarce!

Great....

[Insomnia]

"It is critical that every person be given an opportunity to opt-out of receiving e-mail correspondence promoting commercial products." ...so now will I get 3000 e-mails a day asking if I want to opt out of getting a new "perfect" loan?

*Sniffle*

[SkiddyRowe]

I can imagine what it looked like

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would be such a problem!" *wipes nose with C-note* "I only wanted to make a couple extra dollars a month, put an extra bread roll on the table..." *lights cigarette from burning $50*

He may be sorry, but I'm sure his bank account isn't...

Re:*Sniffle*

[BobPaul]

I urge everyone who is involved in the commercial bulk e-mail business to cease all operations unless and until they are completely compliant with the requirements of the new United States anti-spam laws. There is no substitute for complete compliance

Translation? "I just got sued by yahoo and this isn't worth it anymore. I think I'll take the rest of my dirty money and retire with this one last publicity stunt."

Re:*Sniffle*

[Almonday]

He may be sorry, but I'm sure his bank account isn't...
Well, except for the six-figure settlement he's been ordered to pay.

Re:*Sniffle*

[cardshark2001]

He may be sorry, but I'm sure his bank account isn't...

Spammers and scammers like to brag about their income and exploits, but they're usually lying. Sure, a few people make money at it. My guess is though, that most people do not.

Re:*Sniffle*

[thebatlab]

Well hey, if you guess that they don't then we better believe you right? Right? Geez. Nothing like making an unfounded claim and then saying it's unfounded.

Re:*Sniffle*

[mrbcs]

At least his settlement is 6 figures ;-)

Funny, people around here thought he was a dope dealer. Buyin all kinds of houses and cars and shit and it didn't look like anybody worked. Maybe the fine should be bigger?

Re:*Sniffle*

[Anonymous Coward]

Well.. Since he can spare $100,000 and still not have to worry about money enough to be a drummer in a rock band..

I would say he's well off.. for a canadian..

Re:*Sniffle*

[cardshark2001]

Well, okay, fair enough. I didn't just make it up though. I've read a couple of stories about bankrupt spammers, and also about "spam kings" that have their minions do a lot of the actual footwork, make all the money, and leave their mates hanging. It's also pretty common wisdom among the anti-spam activists that the spammers claims are wildly inflated. I mean, look at their sales pitches. Why would their self-promotion be any different?

Re:*Sniffle*

[kmac06]

Exactly my reaction when I saw this.

Re:*Sniffle*

[thebatlab]

"It's also pretty common wisdom among the anti-spam activists that the spammers claims are wildly inflated."

That is if you take the word of activists I guess. I find activists words are sometimes the toughest to swallow. Mainly b/c you wish you could believe them but they get swallowed up so much in their own hype they end up not being much better off than your typical PR stunt people.

I wonder...

[neilcSD]

...how sorry he would have felt if he hadn't been caught and sued. More than likely he'd still be hijacking people's computers and spamming away. Money has a way of compromising people.

Meanwhile in a lair on Minnow Pond Drive...

[ackthpt]

A dark, sinister voice is heard to say, "Sucker. More bandwidth for me to use and more space in email boxes for me to stuff."

Not Bad

[netfool]

94,000,000 emails in a single month. If 1% of those emails made them a single dollar the would still gross $940,000 (US $687,034). That's pretty impressive for 1 month's work (hell, I'd still be impressed if it was over 5 years).

Now what, they pay $100,000, move to Tahiti and retire for the rest of their lives? That'll show'em!

Re:Not Bad

[EisPick]

I'd say 1% is very, very high. A good response rate for "legitimate" direct mail marketing is in the 2-4% range.

Re:Not Bad

[Slyght]

1% would actually be a really high response rate for spam, but even still, he probably did make a lot of money off of this. Also, if you note in the article, it said it was at least $100,000 as the lawyer said it was a six-figure number, so he could have paid close to a million as well. He probably has some money leftover, though.

Re:Not Bad

[nacturation]

The numbers I've seen thrown around are more like 0.01% response rate. Then again, the average order is around the $40 mark. So yeah... I don't think he's hurting too bad.

Re:Not Bad

[EssTiDee]

Well, he's not exactly moving to Thahiti... Something tells me his rock band isn't exactly multi-platinum. More like, something to report to the probation officers when they call and ask if he's lawfully employed. "Uh, yeah, i'm a drummer for a rock band" Right.

Re:Not Bad

[DrDebug]

> I'd say 1% is very, very high. A good response rate for "legitimate" direct mail marketing is in the 2-4% range.

And you would know this, how??

Re:Not Bad

[wcrowe]

That's why spamming should be a capital crime. Let him apologize from prison.

This apology is an insult to anyone who actually has to work for a living.

Re:Not Bad

[Anonymous Coward]

> That's why spamming should be a capital crime.
> Let him apologize from prison.

If spamming were a capital crime, one would apologize from a coffin not a prison cell.

Re:Not Bad

[SilentReproach]

should be a capital crime

Capital crime? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that would mean he'd not just be in prison, but on death row. I wouldn't mind prison and a caning, but in all sincerity the death penalty seems a tad extreme for spamming.

Re:Not Bad

[EisPick]

Because I used to work in the magazine business. 2-4% response is what you get when you pay good money for a well targeted list.

Re:Not Bad

[Grrr]

I'm not even sure about the caning...
(maybe if it was televised) ...but it's really amazing how much one can get away with stealing from others these days - and if the judges don't yet realize the cost of spam, to business, perhaps they should all be put out to pasture and replaced with others who do.

Jeez, I'm still trying to find confirmation online that this filth spent any time in jail for his first offense...

<grrr>

Re:Not Bad

[oconnorcjo]

Capital crime? Correct me if I'm wrong, but that would mean he'd not just be in prison, but on death row. I wouldn't mind prison and a caning, but in all sincerity the death penalty seems a tad extreme for spamming.

I don't know about a capital crime but it should be treated as seriously as virus writing cases. Spam is really taxing on the internet and even though it is so pervasive, does not legitimize the action. Spammers getting ten years+ might reduce spam to a trickle for the average person.

Re:Not Bad

[Anonymous Coward]

"legitimate" direct mail marketing

what

Re:Not Bad

[salmacis2]

Speak for yourself!

Nothing says "I'm sorry"

[earthforce_1]

Like being on the receiving end of a lawsuit.

Wanna bet a public apology was part of the secret settlement terms?

Re:Nothing says "I'm sorry"

[JuggleGeek]

His "apology" sucks.

"I urge everyone who is involved in the commercial bulk e-mail business to cease all operations unless and until they are completely compliant with the requirements of the new United States anti-spam laws. There is no substitute for complete compliance," he said.

"It is critical that every person be given an opportunity to opt-out of receiving e-mail correspondence promoting commercial products."

Basically, even in his apology, he still states that spam is OK, and that everyone should "just opt out". Screw that - my filter can delete 400 emails in short time, but if I have to read them and try to jump through their opt-out hoops for the 400 spams I receive every day, it'll take all day. And in the meantime, the vast majority aren't going to take me off their list even after I start begging them.

Begging spammers to leave you alone, while saying they are allowed to spam you until you do beg, just isn't an effective solution.

And his apology isn't an apology. The only thing he is sorry for is that he got caught and sued.

JavaScript

[Walrus99]

Use JavaScript to write your e-mail on your web page to fool the spambots. Won't tell you how, to avoid mono-culture, but easy to do yourself. Or set up a cgi web page on your site for e-mail adresses that require a button click to get to.

Re:JavaScript

[shking]

Use JavaScript to write your e-mail on your web page to fool the spambots

Here's how

Re:JavaScript

[liquidsin]

I've used something like this for years. It looks a little like this (although the majority of mine is in a .js file with the document.write() in the body of the page). I also set it up with variables so I can call the same script for everyone in my office on our "contact us" page.

var domain_ = "bar.net"
var at_ = String.fromCharCode(64);
var user_ = "foo"

document.write("<A HREF=\"mailto:" + user_ + at_ + domain_ + "?subject=" + "hello there!" + "\"><U>" + "Email me" + "</U></A>")

Re:JavaScript

[darien]

Is that really necessary? I just stick a couple of ""s in the middle of my domain name.

Re:JavaScript

[multipartmixed]

http://ninja250.kingston.net/rot13 -- demo technique, steal away, attribution would be nice.

Long story short: keep your email address in rot13, decode them on the client side with a DOM/JS browser. Oh, and encode them on the way to a CGI. "legacy" addresses (not rot13d) are not fucked with.

Re:JavaScript

[Anonymous Coward]

Those characters aren't allowed in the href part of an HTML anchor.

Re:JavaScript

[Anonymous Coward]

Ah, gotcha. I don't use mailto so that never occurred to me.

Re:JavaScript

[Anonymous Coward]

You think that's cool. Check out my ecrawler plug-in that can decode it.

Re:JavaScript

[Anonymous Coward]

Or set up a cgi web page on your site for e-mail adresses that require a button click to get to.

Thats easy to avoid, just sign up with Fuck@you.i.dont.want.ur.spam.com

Rule #1

[lofoforabr]

Spammers lie.

Re:Rule #1

[Progman3K]

>Spammers lie.
Rule #2, nobody talks about - oh... nevermind.

Re:Rule #1

[tsg]

>Spammers lie.
Rule #2, nobody talks about - oh... nevermind.
Rule #3, NO POOFTERS.

Re:Rule #1

[Progman3K]

>[Rule #1,] Spammers lie.
>Rule #2, nobody talks about - oh... nevermind.
>Rule #3, NO POOFTERS.
Rule #4, Profit!

Wait a minute...

[rhadamanthus]

"dangers of the Internet"?

What is that and how is he qualified to teach people about it?

I guess that's getting to be the standard line now -- "Honest, I'm really sorry. But I'm not responsible, it was the Internet!"

What's next, "I'm sorry I was drunk and ran over you're kid but the road was responsible. I'll teach poeple about the dangers of driving."

sheesh. --rhad

Re:Wait a minute...

[drinkypoo]

This is how it works already. When celebrities get busted for drugs they pay a fine, go into rehab for a while, go to some schools to talk about the evils of drug use, and then they become more furtive about their drug habits or become alcoholics which is still legally and somewhat societally acceptable. Let's hear it for the war on drugs!

Re:Wait a minute...

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

Slashdot needs to interview Natalie Portman.

Here 's one. And This should keep you guys busy for a few houres.

Re:Wait a minute...

[Anonymous Coward]

Thanks.

smack*smack*smack*smack

Re:Wait a minute...

[Anonymous Coward]

What is that and how is he qualified to teach people about it?

I think it's pretty dangerous to be a known spammer. The way I read the article he quit because he was known and his family was taking the brunt of his illegal activities. Right now, it's a fight to keep his cash and some privacy.

New business model?

[Lord_Dweomer]

1.Spam the hell out of people 2.Get media attention by being sued by big mail provider 3.Promise to never do it again and spread the word to others 4.Get companies/schools to pay you to come in and speak about the evils of spamming. 5.PROFIT!!!

bandwagon

[Fullmetal Edward]

yep, heard it all before. The next "free" fad will come along involving the internet like spam is now and he'll jump on it like everyone else.

Everyone wants something for free, he just happened to get lucky and ahead of it all. For all we know his next annoyance money making scheme is already underway.

The right direction

[Anonymous Coward]

"Let's hope others begin to take his lead"

Let's hope other businesses take Yahoo's lead and sue the HELL out of spammers.

Re:The right direction

[fiannaFailMan]

Let's hope others begin to take his lead

I couldn't see this happening. There is a certain mindset in spammers, and many other people, that says that they and only they matter. Wikipedia defines Narcissism as "the pattern of traits and behaviors which involve infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition." These people see no incentive to take on board the effect of their behavior on others. It's like the drivers of gas-guzzling SUVs in the US who don't give a shit how much pollution or oil-wars they cause as long as they get to drive an oversized vehicle for their own personal fulfillment. You just can't reason with people like that.

I'll accept his apology if...

[GPLDAN]

He formally changes his first name to "Dick". And says his first and last name each time he introduces himself.

Re:I'll accept his apology if...

[magefile]

Nah. Give him some choice, at least; his middle name can be Dick (there's a few other options I can think of), and his first name can be anything beginning with A, as long has he only uses his first name's initial.

Let's hope others begin to take his lead

[Oscaro]

Let's hope they take his head, too.

he paid yahoo?!

[surreal-maitland]

so yahoo gets paid. i want to get paid for the time i spent sifting through my inbox and hunting down spam filters.

Ob Simpson's Quote

[ragefan]

Hello, this is Homer Simpson, a.k.a. Happy Dude. The court has ordered
me to call every person in town to apologize for my telemarketing scam.
I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one
dollar to Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the
power.

Re:Ob Simpson's Quote

[JPriest]

He probably made more money than he lost, I'd apologize too.

Hello, Satan, is it snowing?

[crimethinker]

That's my first thought.

And then the second one is, "nah, he's just faking it, trying to dodge the artillery rounds Yahoo sent his way. Once the storm blows over, he'll be selling V1@GR@ by the truckload again."

I'll believe his apology when he delivers it in person to everyone who ever got a spam e-mail. Maybe he should set up something like a book-signing tour where he sits at a table and people queue up to hear him say, "I'm sorry for being a horrible waste of human flesh, I mean a spammer."

-paul

Re:Hello, Satan, is it snowing?

[ChairmanMeow]

I'll believe his apology when he delivers it in person to everyone who ever got a spam e-mail

More likely, he'll just spam his apology to everyone.

no sympathy from me

[whovian]

Do the "crime", do the time.

Eric HEAD

[Prince Vegeta SSJ4]

HEAD

No wonder everything was for penis enlargement

I dont....

[Dak_Peoples]

Accept his apology. Damn the Spam Man.

The compact disc

[vijaya_chandra]

He also offered a compact disc of 37 million addresses for $129 (U.S.).

If someone over here has that cd, can he/she upload the list to some website?
I just need to check if any of my ids are in the bunch.

Re:The compact disc

[legojenn]

Even better, if someone were to somehow upload it to a database-website, people could key in their addresses and if they match, add themselves to a class-action suit. Even if we don't get anything back from him, bankruptcy & destituion would be a nice punishment for him and his family.

How to make a million dollars

[Ridgelift]

Wow, now I know how to get rich:

1) Setup massive spamming operation
2) Make millions
3) Get sued and settle for a mere six figures
4) Stop spamming operation
5) Tell world you going to help children

So within the scope of a year or two, everyone will forget how this man made his fortune, and revere him for his good works helping children.

Sounds a lot like the Carnegie Legacy

Re:How to make a million dollars

[vijaya_chandra]

everyone will forget how this man made his fortune,

Hey what's wrong with earning money by spamming!?

It's just a kind of a social service. Think of all the calories people would have burnt selecting all those mails and deleting them, think of all the people who got to know about others in remote locations of Africa and Asia of whom they wouldn't have otherwise even heard of, think of all the ....

And btw not everyone hates the p r0n mail they get

No! I don't get any such mails

Re:How to make a million dollars

[GPLDAN]

Like Carnegie, spammers understand critical aspects of cost accounting. As in, it doesn't cost them very much to distribute the message. Carnegie drove fixed costs down by looking to verticalize the means of production. Spammers are free riders on the fixed cost of the Internet infrastructure.

Carnegie drove millions of men to early graves with horrible working conditions and an insane desire to work them until they dropped. Spammers work the lines, pounding out messages 24/7 until mail servers die of exhaustion.

Lastly, Carnegie and Frick had assasination attempts on them for trying to smash unions. Spammers could get killed if they showed up somewhere where Microsoft hotmail exec's could get ahold of them.

Re:How to make a million dollars

[kfg]

So within the scope of a year or two, everyone will forget how this man made his fortune, and revere him for his good works helping children.

Well, you know what they say, "Pecunia non olet" and we always have to think of the children.

There are some days, when the cynical side of me has the upper hand, when I start thinking that the surest way to a Nobel Peace Prize is to kill some thousands of people (school children work well here) and then apologize.

It wouldn't be so bad if there weren't at least some supporting evidence for the idea.

KFG

Why is he apologizing?

[L. VeGas]

Thanks to Eric, I've reduced my mortgage to anall-time low and have added 3 inches to my viagra-driven member.

Thanks, Eric.

Teaching

[Anonymous Coward]

"Be careful, using the internet can get you sued. Don't get caught."

Hey, Why Not

[bugmenot]

Blame Canada.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Inconvenience

[betelgeuse-4]

Mr. Head was unavailable to comment, but in a prepared statement he expressed "his deep regret for any inconvenience he may have caused anyone." Should read: " ... deep regret for the great inconvenience he caused everyone whose email address he could get his dirty little hands on."

Re:That makes it all better

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry now. Sorry he got caught, sued, etc.

Right, Just like Mitnick

[Anonymous Coward]

gives talks and helps companies improve their security....

oh wait

Canadian Spammer???

[sage2k6]

Canadian Spammer???

Shame on you man.....shame on you...
Your Canadian citizenship is therefore revoked, and you shall now be shipped to *elsewhere* (fill in name of country)...

Re:Canadian Spammer???

[RobinH]

Your Canadian citizenship is therefore revoked, and you shall now be shipped to *elsewhere* (fill in name of country)...

Sheesh, he said he was sorry... Sending him to the U.S. would be cruel and unusual! :)

Punishment...

[Anonymous Coward]

He should say the words "I'm Sorry" for every single spam message that he sent. That should take him, oh, about 50 years!

How noble!

[abertoll]

After making a fortune off of annoying other people, he thinks that saying he's sorry is going to make us like him again. Maybe if he gives all his money to charity I'll feel better.

Is the Nigerian PM still

[vijaya_chandra]

alive!?!

I got this email yesterday from the Nigerian PM's widow saying that he's been killed in a military a coup asking for my help to get back some monies from a European bank.

I guess I'd get to know the truth through the response for the reply I sent this morning.

Re:Is the Nigerian PM still

[JudgeFurious]

Of course the Nigerian PM is still alive you dolt! He's the lousy bastard that put the screws on Mr (Formerly Colonel) M'buato (and his freedom fighters) and brought about the dire situation he's currently trying to escape. If it wasn't for the Nigerian PM my friend M'buato would be President M'buato and the Nigerian people would be living in peace free from oppression.

Once I've done my part to secure enough money to get the locked bank accounts transferred over here into my name THEN the Nigerian PM will meet his fate (once I get my 20% of course).

First I've heard of the Sultan being involved though. I need to email Mr. M'buato and check on that. He should know what to do...

Gates Apologizes

[Khomar]

Coming soon...

Bill Gates has formerly apologized for producing bloated, buggy software and forcing it down people's throats by making computer manufacturers install it on all new machines. "We will be issuing out a free version of Microsoft Windows and Microsoft Office to all existing customers that will remove all of the unnecessary bloat that we have been adding over the years and fix all of the bugs and annoyances we have introduced," Gates said at a press conference today. "We acknowledge that our customers can probably think for themselves better than we can think for them. Clippy and all those other annoying animations will be no more!"

He also expressed regret over allowing Internet Explorer to languish for so long. "With the example of the innovative browsers like Firefox and Opera, it has become obvious that our browser is severely lacking. With new versions of Windows, the user will be presented with the option of installing the browser of their choice."

Microsoft plans to slash their prices on all new Windows merchandise and remove the restrictions on computer manufacturers to allow "greater freedom in the software market". The new initiative is for "smaller, faster, cleaner" throughout their product lines. They have also expressed plans to release a free update to Visual Studio .NET to fix its many bugs. "We have come to the realization that we need to trust programmers to write their own code, especially since our employees have no clue how to write clean HTML code. There is no reason that we should force our customers to purchase an update with such a gross oversight."

Well, if a spammer can apologize, maybe, just maybe... nah.

BEWARE THE DANGERS OF THE INTERNET

[IthnkImParanoid]

You see, the internet is so dangerous. The dangerous internet is to blame, not I. Just look at this horrifying list of dangers:

• Allowed me to act like a jackass, and get myself sued.

Yes, the internet is truly something to be feared.

-Eric (aka Shit) Head.

Not for sarcasm impaired: I'm not actually Eric Head.

Re:BEWARE THE DANGERS OF THE INTERNET

[chef_raekwon]

to parent and grandparent -- i think we need to read between the lines ---

1. start spam company
2. sell emails
3. ???!?
4. Profit

remember this little ditty -- I can only assume that he made so much money, he doesn't give a rats ass about ever having to spam again --

give lame excuse, and move on to drumming in a band...

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[value_added]

"Is that supposed to be a joke?"

I'd characterise the judgment as creative if not novel plea bargaining by a good lawyer.

If it helps, think of it as the Al Gore version of picking up trash from the side of a freeway. Personally, I'd rather see him picking up trash. Without the orange vest.

Subject: Apology

[ArmenTanzarian]

Date Sent: Tuesday, June 15, 2004 11:51 AM
From: Eric Head
To: andavis9
(NOTE: My name isn't even slightly close to "andavis")
Subject: Apology

Andavis9

Super Cheap Deal! Generic Viagra from $3 WOW!!

most places charge $15, we charge $3 ONLY!

- No embarassing doctor visits
- Private and secure online ordering
- Shipped worldwide!!

Order today, and become the stud you always wanted to be.

http://-------.biz/superhard/

This is one-time e-mailing. No-removal are required.
rkndfjbhjhfmmkkoaeucmu ow mz
pj ix usynr
rzyevfencth

Re:Subject: Apology

[Eggplant62]

Super Cheap Deal! Generic Viagra from $3 WOW!!

most places charge $15, we charge $3 ONLY!

- No embarassing doctor visits
- Private and secure online ordering
- Shipped worldwide!!

Order today, and become the stud you always wanted to be.

http://-------.biz/superhard/

Oh, look.... It's Ryan Campion and AMR Ventures!

Spamhaus is getting amazingly good at figuring out who the spammer is behind most of this stuff. Do a host lookup on that spammed url, plug it into the SBL Lookup page, then check the results. For the fake viagra spams, I've found links back to Campion, Ralsky and Peter Francis-Macrae from England.

Spam sucks

[hackstraw]

I admin a small mail server and trap mail with spamassassin. On average we get about 100 spams per day for only 7 active email accounts.

To check for false positives, I review all of the trapped mail from time to time, and I'm starting to get discusted with the whole spam thing. Here is some of the crap that I get:

GET VALIUM AND MANY OTHER DRUGS 4 L j
China World Trade Corp making major breakthroughs
GET YOUR UNI.VERSITY D|PLOMA tqlylsrvi
Take advantage of low interest-rates!
Powerful weightloss now available where you are.
Fwd:re:Home del.very on all meds.


I'm also starting to get amused at how easy it is to identify spam with enough rules in spamassassin. These guys suck at sending mail.

I just can't believe that some people actually respond to some of the mails. The ones that get me are the mortage and loan ones. Who in their right mind would give all of their financial information to someone who randomly emails you with junk like this:

HellWo dear hom5ke oUwn5er,

We have b\eeQn notified that y<oiur mortgMage rate is fixed at a
vet6ry hoyigh interesNt rate. Therefore yhqou are current overpay[ing,
whick7h sumsRs-up to twhXo+usaEAnds of dollXLarws an5RnudPal0ly .

Lugckily for you we can [1]guoGaranteze th@e lowest r{ates in the U.S.
([2]3.50%). So hSVu=rry beQ0caNuse the ratHe f.orecast i|s not
l;oobrkincNg good!

Thesgre is no obligations, an6d i^t FykREAE

Locnk on the 3.50%, even wHSith bad credit3A!


Where all of the urls are behind a yahoo redirector, and its barely legible from all of the obfuscation techniques?

Fuck spam specific laws, it just should be illegal to try to get money from someone under the pretense of deception. Clearly mails like this are deception, and its getting out of hand.

Re:Spam sucks

[Profane MuthaFucka]

That's nothing. I've received almost 300 so far today, and it's not even noon where I live. My spam volume is increasing about 20% a month.

Re:Spam sucks

[Mordaximus]

That's exacly why I usually only need two steps in my handy spam finding recipe :

1) Check the header for the usual.
2) Pipe the subject and body to a shell script that returns the number of spelling errors (via aspell etc.).

Too big a number from #2 means spam, l33t, very poor spelling or an email that is not english at all. None of which I care to read anyways!

Re:Spam sucks

[biobogonics]

it just should be illegal to try to get money from someone under the pretense of deception.

and real decpetion is even worse!

rule #1: criminals lie
rule #2: see rule #1

Re:Spam sucks

[Sepper]

What gets me the most is that NONE of these e-mails apply to me...

GET_CHEAP_MED_FROM_CANADA
hum...HELLO!! I live in Canada already... can't you tell by the .ca dommain???? *sigh*...deleted
CONSOLIDATE MORTGAGES LOWEST RATES IN THE US 3.5%
Hum... I don't have a house yet... and i bet i can get lower than that with my own bank... deleted
GET UNIVSitTy DIploma
Hum... It's a LITTLE late to tell me that... I'm getting my Comp. Eng. Degree in less than 6 months...deleted
VIAGRA
PENIS ELARGEMENT
WIEGH LOST
Hum... I'm 23 years old and in very good health...

etc...

Who responds to theses things anyway???

Re:Spam sucks

[rossz]

Pipe the subject and body to a shell script that returns the number of spelling errors (via aspell etc.).

That isn't going to work. I did a study of spelling errors in spam and legitimate email People's spelling in email messages is so bad, plus with technical jargon and/or programming terms not in the dictionary, the error rate in non-spam vs spam is not different enough to make spell checking a viable antispamming tool.

You can see my results here: Spam Spell

Re:Spam sucks

[Anonymous Coward]

I love these applications .... from banks in the US offering me in the UK a morgage on a house which isn't currently morgaged.

The snail-mail with pre-paid envolopes are always returned, with the application form ripped up. Let them spend some of their time doing what I have to do!

Keith ( aka Anonymous Coward )

Re:Spam sucks

[mobby_6kl]

heh that's nothing. Some of what I get doesn't make sense at all, for example:

From: Melissa Quins
Subject: This female movie star passionately kissed her brother on stage and then some
Body: >jcouvgtBxqnp{0e| U.S. intelligence personnel ordered military dog handlers at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq to use unmuzzled dogs to frighten and intimidate detainees during [blah blah]

[a few more line breaks]

jcouvgtBxqnp{0e|jcouvgtBxqnp{0e| jcouvgtBxqnp{0e| The statements by the dog handlers provide the clearest indication yet that military intelligence personnel were deeply [blah blah, over 2KB pure text]

----------
WTF? What are they trying to sell? Just a mistake? Or maybe it's the Iraqi resistance or something?

Re:Spam sucks

[Mordaximus]

"That isn't going to work..."

Well, it IS working! I respect the time and effort you put into your study, however I have an Inbox and Junk folder that tend to disagree with your findings and conclusions.

Like I said, step 1 is checking headers. You can find alot of spam just by looking there. Also keep in mind that I said pipe to a shell script, not to aspell. I do alot of massaging before passing the body on to aspell.

I question the values you have for 'ham'. I can think of no one that I correspond with that has spelling as atrocious as your samples would indicate. Not even Slashdot is that poor at spelling as a whole. I often deal with people who use English as a second language. And while the grammar might be off, the spelling is usually passable.

Anyways I suspect that there might be text being processed by your script that isn't part of the sender's message (for example HTML, although a quick look at your PERL shows that you are looking for tags.)

It would be nice to see the emails that scored poorly on your test, to see if there is some other culprit skewing your results.

FWIW, this post contains 7 errors out of 235 words, 5 of which would have been in my custom dictionary. Giving either a 2.9% or 0.9% error rate.

Re:Spam sucks

[Hasai]

"Fuck spam specific laws, it just should be illegal to try to get money from someone under the pretense of deception."

It's already illegal, and has been for a long, long time. It's called fraud.

CAN-SPAM is just a pile of useless, unenforceable crap, tossed like a bone to the unwashed masses to show that the political elite is Doing Something.

Bah.

Re:Spam sucks

[rossz]

What kind of false positive rate do you get with spell checking?

The high rate of bad spellings for nonspam on my server is most like because of:

1. Technical mail lists with lots of "non-words".
2. The occassional Hungarian email.

The former could be fixed by skipping the spell check for anything coming from the list servers. I purposely left those in the spell check step to see what would happen.

The second is trickier. There is no sure fire way of knowing the language of an email. My wife gets Hungarian emails from the U.S. and English emails from Hungary, so deciding by country of origin (when that even works) will fail half the time.

I may do another spell check test after I refine the perl script. Improvements to the code would be welcome.

Re:Spam sucks

[Hasai]

"Who responds to these things, anyway???"

Heh. Well, let me make a guess. How about brainless losers?

];}

Re:Spam sucks

[Anonymous Coward]

alot = 2 words (a lot) Just thought i'd let you know.

Bring us the head of Eric Head!!!

[vdoogs]

Yahoo (worried about Gmail stealing their email customers and looking for a sacrificial lamb to appease the email gods): "Bring us the head of Eric Head!!" Eric Head: "But I'm like, sorry, eh? I just want to play in a band and rock out about how i was a spamming hoser to little kids. How aboot it, eh?" Yahoo: "Ok. And you give us $100k." Eric Head: "Greedy americans..."

Re:Bring us the head of Eric Head!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, we want his p3n!s. It will go on display permanently in the Smithsonian to remind us that weights, vacuum cleaners, and ephedra can't make you a man.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[kalidasa]

I'd rather see him wandering dazed around the back woods of Maine. In hunting season. Without the orange vest.

Retirement at 25

[pilotofficerprune]

I get the impression this gentleman has made his fortune from his business and so can afford to apologize and shut down. Drummer in a rock band? It's a nice retirement hobby for a rich young lad.

You guys are missing the point

[Electric Eye]

He's just SAYING he's going to teach kids about pedophiles on the 'net. But didn't you read where his shark (aka lawyer) said he's a drummer joining a band? He's drumming up publicity for his new Bryan Adams/RUSH Tribute Band called "Cuts Like a Knife Through Tom Sawyer".

Protect yourself from the dangers of the Internet!

[SpaghettiPattern]

In an exclusive course offered only to you which will cost you a mere US$ 5. And yes, for as little as US$ 18.99 you'll even get an penis enlarger which you can carry in your handbag.

Jumpin' reporters...

[mikael]

"That, plus reporters jumping up in windows and trying to snap pictures just really traumatized the younger members and the older members of the family."

If they started doing that to me, I'd put mirrors in front of my windows.

Subj: I'm sorry

[bahwi]

From: Eric Head
To: asdf (you@yourdomain.com)
Subj: I'm sorry

I'm sorry about spamming you all these years. If you forgive me, send $1 to "Sorry Dude"
742 Evergreen Terrace

--Sorry Dude

Why an apology?

[tcm614ce]

Why is it that everyone has to apologise these days? If you are a serial murderer all people care about is that you have remorse. Who cares if the spammer apologised. As long as justice is done.

Re:New business model?

[Lord_Dweomer]

Gah, can't believe I forgot to format that. Just goes to show what wasting away your entire day on Orkut does to you. Damn Orkut not needing html tags!

obviously not from the US

[juan2074]

This guy took personal responsibility for his own actions? Wow. He is obviously not from the US.

Re:obviously not from the US

[juan2074]

I know he is Canadian. The point I meant to make is that people in this country tend to blame others for everything they do wrong.

Don't expect any US spammers to do the same thing.

Re:obviously not from the US

[Sepper]

Don't expect any US spammers to do the same thing.

Bah! Impose death penalty for spammer and you'll see them apologising really fast.

Re:Prediction: Passive/Agressive Canadian Response

[AndroidCat]

And don't forget the protective aspects verses strangers with 'penis-melting Zionist robot combs'. You just can't be too careful these days!

Moving on...

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess he's moving on to more important things like selling land in Florida!

E-mail address for spammers?

[strawbo]

Ever wonder what a guy like this uses for his personal e-mail account? Do spammers get frustrated with other spammer's spam?

FROM THE DESK OF ANTHONY ZUMBUBELE

[IrishMist]

I AM MR. ANTHONY ZUMBUBELE AN EMAIL ACCOUNTS OFFICER IN A WEB-PORTAL INSTITUTION IN CANADA. RECENTLY I DISCOVERED A DORMANT ACCOUNT CONTAINING A LARGE AMOUNT OF SPACE VALUED AT 100 MILLION BYTES. UPON MY INVESTIGATION I DISCOVERED IT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR CLIENTS MR. ERIC HEAD WO WAS INVOLVED IN A FREAK LUNCHEON MEAT INCIDENT YESTERDAY. I GOT YOUR DETAILS BY SCANNING GUEST BOOKS OF REPUTABLE FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS. During the investigation I was unable to trace any next of kin. The email law here stipulates that if such money remains unclaimed for six days, it will be forfeited to the email provider as an unclaimed bill and sen to the RIAA's account. A local citizen cannot stand as a kin to a foreigner. It is upon this discovery that i have decided to contact you to ensure that the space is used for some viable project as it ought to be instead of using the space for malicious purposes or for perpetrating evil.

If you are interest urgently reach me through the above stated email,telephone numbers to enable me give you the full details of this transaction and how it is going to work out. What i want from you is for you to act as the deceased next of kin. I have in my possession all necessary document to successfully accomplish this task. This whole process should be fully accomplished within 5-7 working days, further information will be given to you as soon as I receive your positive response via e-mail or telephone. Anticipating your urgent reply.

Best regards

Anthony Zumbubele's desk

I have 2 gmail accounts to give away...

[Anonymous Coward]

I know, it's totally off-topic, but I have already given 4 gmail invitations away to friends to *really* wanted it and don't know who to give the 2 remaining ones...

Soooooo, send an email with a original reasons why you desperately need one to wallclimber33-gmail@yahoo.com

Don't bother using this address to spam me, because it's a disposable mail address...

Good Luck!

I'm a firm believer in...

[timlee]

Too little, too late.

This won't reduce the amount of junk mail I get. Like music sharing, spamming will only go deeper underground now that it has become illegal (well, at least restricted). I will continue to get spam until the internet has advanced enough to allow me to reach out and stab spammers in the eye.

Re:I'll accept, under my own terms.

[Progman3K]

>If he accompanies his apology with a pound of flesh, I'll accept it.

I WANT SOME BLOOD MIXED IN WITH THE POUND OF FLESH!

We don't want this wastrel getting off on a technicality, do we?

Mis-reading the article...

[Vasilis Vasaitis]

Am I the only one that read the last part of the article as "Let's hope others begin to take his head?" Now that would be an interesting (if overly cruel) approach for spammers. :^)

slap on the wrist.

[Greg@RageNet]

Yeah, he sounds really sorry.. "I'm so sorry I got caught, uh, I mean I'm sorry I spammed you guys". I get 2K spam emails a day, and I'm sure this walking filth was able to buy himself some nice guitars, swanky rockstar swag, and perhaps even some meth with the proceeds from selling my email address over and over again.

Poor guy had to give up some fraction of his ill-gotten gains from spamming. I'd prefer extradition and I'd love to see this guy in the federal pen with a cellmate named Bubba who does to him what he's done to my email all these years.

-- Greg

Re:Eric HEAD

[Progman3K]

>HEAD
>No wonder everything was for penis enlargement

Wonder if his friends call him "rickhead" when he's not around?

Oh, I forget, he's a spammer, he has no friends.

Ill sign up for that class...

[dallask]

right after I get done with Martha Stewart's class on "Ethical Business Practices" and the Enron seminar on "Increasing the Bottom Line by Manipulating Current Resources"

Hello your@name . xcppeqd

[Daath]

Dear Friend!

This is not spam! Let me tell you about the dangers of the internet!
If you're not careful, you might start to send unsolicited email. Lots of it. I don't.
If you do not wish to receive more messages like this, click here.

Best regards,

Erihk Heed

Re:New business model?

[Anonymous Coward]

Change your prefs to default the message format to "Plain Old Text". You can still include HTML tags, only line breaks are automatically converted for you.

Whats the proper phrase for what I am thinking...

[bruns]

Whats the proper phrase for what I am thinking right now...

Oh yeah!

"Liar liar, pants on fire!"

Standard spammer rules apply in this case, especially 1 and 2.

The Rules Of Spam

Apology, my ass!

[Anonymous Coward]

Sure, he's "apologizing", but he's still advocating opt-out email. In my book, that's still spam.

"It is critical that every person be given an opportunity to opt-out of receiving e-mail correspondence promoting commercial products."

I'll still kill him slowly and painfully if I meet him.

most (un)wanted list

[Anonymous Coward]

Is there a website anywhere that has the spammers equivalent of the FBI's Most Wanted list? Just so we can get to see the face of all those people who make spam, and maybe their home addresses, car make and registration details....

Subject: LEARN ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THE INTERNET

[mothz]

From: "Eric Head"
Subject: LEARN ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THE INTERNET

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

Dear,
Are you sick of getting scammed? Have you been burned by offers to consol1date your m0rtg.age, add 1nches to your man hood, or win a fre-ee is1and get@way?

We all have! BUT NO MORE!

"The Dangers of the Internet", the incredible new book by Eric Head, former Director of DirectConsumer Marketing Affairs for a Fortune 500 company*, will show YOU how to keep from getting scammed in the future! Best of all, the book is absolutely FRIE, with your purchase of this inexpensive herbal v1@gra alternative! Only three payments of $39.99 each, WOW!!

*in China.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Sepper]

Hunting rifle....100-250$
Ammo...15-25$
Hunter's permit...25$

Spammer all tied-up and disguised to look like a moose during hunting season....priceless

There are somes things money can't buy...

head

[lysander]

Let's hope others begin to take his lead.

Did anyone else read this as "Let's hope others take his head"?

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[wwest4]

Who's to say? It's hard to gauge sincerity from print.

I think it may just be a reality shift for a lot of these spammers. They all seem so indignant at first, when accused of being slimy Internet carpet-baggers. But on the other hand, people are always encouraged to seek fortune, and originally there were no rules, lots of money to be had, and old adages about opportunity knocking.

Once the money is rolling in, anyone would be tempted to rationalize their own business practice, even after being kicked off of relays, threatened with lawsuits, and having your iron pushed offshore. Once you're invested in something, it's hard to stop believing in it. That's why you see people go down kicking and screaming and come up contrite after a jury of peers schools them in the prevailing ethics.

Bottom line - not everyone is destined to be a repeat offender. Even if he toes the line for a while and doesn't buy it, maybe he'll educate consumers or discourage future spammers along the way, or maybe he'll start buying his own sermon.

Missing one

[mfh]

1) Setup massive spamming operation
2) Make millions
3) Get sued and settle for a mere six figures
4) Stop spamming operation
5) Tell world you going to help children
6) Profit!!!!

Just like OJ finding the murderer... somehow

[Anonymous Coward]

"He's going to play in a band and find a way to use his knowledge to help protect kids on the Internet."

Uh huh, just like OJ vowed to find the murderer of his ex-wife. All of his leads seem to point directly to either a golf course owner, or possibly a caddie.

As well, I'm sure he'll find a way to protect the kids. It's always about the kids...

Following in vitual footsteps

[EssTiDee]

Kevin Mitnick. That kid who snuck a box cutter onto an airplane. Eric Head. Seems to be the way of the future -- break some new law, and more people are concerned with learning how you did it than with changing the laws to make them work and/or enforcing the punishments. Not that I'm complaining, I mean i'm currently working on a video to educate and inform the public about the dangers of opening attachments -- sounds like Mr. Head is my new operational management. ~St. D.

Rule #1. Spammers lie.

[khasim]

The pills won't make your penis larger.
You will not make lots of money working from home.
He will be spamming again.

Re:Rule #1. Spammers lie.

[6digitdotter]

Rule #2: If a spammer seems to be telling the truth, see Rule #1.
From: http://bruce.pennypacker.org/spamrules.html

Re:Rule #1. Spammers lie.

[grahamlee]

" The pills won't make your penis larger."

But I thought that one pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small, and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all! Just ask the rabbit, when he's ten feet tall.

Re:Rule #1. Spammers lie.

[Anonymous Coward]

You mean I won't get a bigger penis?

Or longer, harder erections?

Or grow more hair?

Or mix them to get a longer harder hairy penis?

Damn!

Re:Rule #1. Spammers lie.

[Anonymous Coward]

"...and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all"

But my mother's a spammer...

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Tackhead]

> "vows to mend his ways by teaching others about the dangers of the internet."
>
> Is that supposed to be a joke? Come on, what a cop out. I'm all for people reforming, but why does this sound so phoney? I give it 6 months before he's back at it again, probably based out of China or Russia.

You're an optimist.

The Rules Of Spam:
1) Spammers lie.
2) If a spammer seems to be telling the truth, see rule #1.
3) Spam is theft.
4) Most spammers are stupid.
5) The natural course of a spamming business is to go bankrupt.

Considering that a lawsuit from Yahoo was the motivation of his "apology", and that his apology lays the bullshit on thicker than even you said, to wit:

"He's going to play in a band and find a way to use his knowledge to help protect kids on the Internet."

Not just "others", but the chilllllllldrun!

I'll see your six months and raise you three: I give him 90 days before he's spamming again, and place a side bet with 10:1 odds that as per Rule #4, the spam comes from hijacked PCs connected through a Yahoo! co-branded service such as SBC-Yahoo DSL.

Spam King Richter going straight as well

[YrWrstNtmr]

Or so he says.

I'll believe it when I (don't) see it.

I'd rather hear about its Glories

[smagruder]

Is it just me, or is there some kind of growing groundswell that seeks to destroy the Internet by incessantly talking up its 'dangers'? Why don't we see more stories about what makes it great? Or does most Internet users see that as so much a given that they don't bother? I'm concerned that we may see the Internet fade away as we, its users, neglect to talk up what makes it so powerful and useful for humankind.

In short, the "spam problem" won't destroy the Internet, but our hand-wringing will!

Re:I'd rather hear about its Glories

[tsg]

Is it just me, or is there some kind of growing groundswell that seeks to destroy the Internet by incessantly talking up its 'dangers'? Why don't we see more stories about what makes it great?

Because fear sells.

Spammer Apologizes...

[oberondarksoul]

In other news, Hell dropped to a nippy -5 degrees Celcius. Wrap up warm kiddies.

Simple solution to spam

[adam613]

Get high profile spammers to send out bulk emails critical of the Church of Scientology, and watch them sue each other to death.

The obvious thing...

[bshellenberg]

... is he will probably write a book about it, and get more money than spamming ever gave him.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[NineteenSixtyNine]

I think he's about as sincere if the oil industry apologized for raising gas prices.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Paster Of Muppets]

"...there are some things money can't buy..." ... for everything else, you'll receive notifications in your e-mail

This is not an apology

[bereza]

A quote from the article is "regret for any inconvenience he may have caused". He doesn't even admit that he _did_ cause inconvenience or even what he actually did.

This is the kind of non-apology that seems pretty common though. If you follow the words sorry with "if" or "may" or "might have", then it's not an apology.

That assumes he means it...

[ConceptJunkie]

Nowadays, public apologies usually translate into: "I'm sorry I was caught." and the persion attempts to quietly go back to whatever it was that he or she had to apologize for.

Well there are other ways to abuse a spammer.

[mrmeval]

Nigerian scammer meets Nicki, a Jewish escapee from Russia. Warnings about food, drink and monitors apply!

Apology?

[DeanFox]

"Let's hope others begin to take his lead."

My first hope is that his apology is sincere. Then I'll worry about the others.

I'm so glad he's sorry

[bratgrrl]

No talk of restitution for all that stolen bandwidth, crashed servers, and wasted time. Yep, he's soooooo sorry he made a pile of money, and can now fritter away his days "playing" in a "band."

I'll be satisfied when everyone he's ever spammed gets to line up and slap him. He can opt out by writing to a postal address, which will be set up pretty soon.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[pclminion]

I'll be satisfied when everyone he's ever spammed gets to line up and slap him.

That's not much of a reason for a spammer to apologize then, is it? If we're unwilling to forgive, at least to some degree, then why should they stop doing what they're doing and apologize?

If we treat spammers as scum even once they realize the error of their ways, this will only lead to resentment, possibly recidivism back to spamming again, with renewed intensity driven by hatred of the unforgiving public.

Be careful how you direct your hate. It might feel good to smack somebody around, but in the end it leads to an even worse situation.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[bratgrrl]

I'll save my forgiveness for people who deserve it. This song and dance has been sung and danced before, and it's completely meaningless. Lil Spammy has made his pile, now he's moved on to his next scam.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[pclminion]

I wish I possessed your uncanny ability to flawlessly evaluate the character of anybody, anywhere, without ever having met them.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[bratgrrl]

He displayed his character by spamming. I'll believe he has reformed by his actions, not by his hollow words. So far, it's nothing but words, and pretty hollow ones at that. 'The dangers of the Internet'- puh leeze. The Internet did not make him spam.

Save your sympathy for when he's earned it.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[EllF]

This is slashdot, where everyone is so important that the unimaginable act of pressing "delete" merits a multi-generational grudge against anyone who sent you an email you did not want. Remember, kids: we're all more important than everyone else, and spam is the worst thing we've ever seen.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[Anonymous Coward]

That's not much of a reason for a spammer to apologize then, is it? If we're unwilling to forgive, at least to some degree, then why should they stop doing what they're doing and apologize?

He didn't apologize. He wont even admit what he did was wrong, except to say people shouldn't risk violating the CAN-Spam law.

If he gave up his ill gotten gains and made a true apology. I'd forgive him. True not everyone would, but he hasn't done it. He's just trying to deal with the fact he got caught. I say investigate his practices and if they are illegal (likely), send him to jail where he belongs.

Re:I'm so glad he's sorry

[Darby]

I wish I possessed your uncanny ability to flawlessly evaluate the character of anybody, anywhere, without ever having met them.

Perhaps you could propose some hypothetical mechanism by which it would be possible for anybody with access to the technology required to become a spammer to not know that it is one of the most hated "professions" around?

Unless you can, I don't think it is the least bit unreasonable to assume that anybody involved in the spam business has made a conscious decision to make their money by harassing people, selling fraudulent products, and actively interfering with people's ability to use ther own property for their own purposes.

Given these facts, I fail to see how the ability to evaluate the character of somebody who wears it on their sleeve like that is the least bit uncanny.

You see, it's not a question of assessing the character of "anyone anywhere", but that of a certain person who has proven himself to be lacking in basic decency.

Who cares.

[RedA$$edMonkey]

Apologizing after being sued doesn't mean crap. If he apologized and vowed to change his ways before anyone decided to sue his sorry ass, that might be worth noting.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Epistax]

Saddam Hussein is going to do a few lectures about genocide (against) in exchange he'll get two years probation.

head is an amateur, check this guy out...

[GPLDAN]

This guy knows how to do it. He is still a teenager, and he is manipulating stocks for $90k and acting as a bogus bookie, netting himself $1M. Ok, so he is caught - but he got a slap on the wrist. This kid has a future in Vegas.

opt-out is still wrong

[Skapare]

"I urge everyone who is involved in the commercial bulk e-mail business to cease all operations unless and until they are completely compliant with the requirements of the new United States anti-spam laws. There is no substitute for complete compliance," he said.

This is a bunch of crock. Compliance with that bogus law (the U-CAN-SPAM law) doesn't mean it isn't theft. This guy is obviously still thinking like a spammer.

"It is critical that every person be given an opportunity to opt-out of receiving e-mail correspondence promoting commercial products."

No one should ever have to opt-out of anything they never opted-in to in the first place.

There are 28+ million businesses (from largest to smallest) in the US (and plenty more outside the US). If just 1 million of these businesses decided to send you just one mailing (that you didn't ask for) per year (and you don't even need to opt-out because they won't send another for a whole year), and assuming they send them evenly spread throughout the year, then you will be getting one every 31.556952 seconds on average (depending on what year it is). More likely, those mailings will come in bunches. Since you won't have to opt-out, you can just press "delete" over 2737 times a day, every day. That would be over 83 thousand pieces of mail a month (imagine what that would do to the typical $9.95 a month dialup internet account).

Now imagine if they all were giving you an opportunity to opt-out via their web site.

If we allow spamming to become the norm, then every business will end up having to do it to just keep an equivalent advantage. That could mean that 150 million internet users would each get spammed from 20 million businesses. That would be 3 quadrillion (that's 3000 trillion) pieces of useless mail overloading the internet mail server infrastructure.

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[Anonymous Coward]

While I agree with a lot of what you're saying, your numbers are bogus. Why? Because almost all business are small businesses, mainly sole proprietorships doing only local business. Spamming would not be cost-effective for them because (a) advertising in general usually is not cost-effective for a small operation and (b) there's no way to target customers in such a small geographic region. Of those 28 million firms, maybe 100,000 could potentially benefit from a typical spam run - untargeted, worldwide, and fairly costly on a per-impression basis. This is why spammers and/or their customers are usually running (a) mail-order operations and (b) selling illegal or shoddy products or simply scamming people. Otherwise the margins and volume aren't high enough to make spam worthwhile. Since most businesses ell products and services of reasonable quality in a relatively small area (city, county, or perhaps a small multi-state region), spam costs too much per new customer to be of any value.

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[srleffler]

I agree. Furthermore, any reputable business is going to learn quickly that spam is "anti-advertising": it pushes customers away and lowers public opinion of the brand. It works fine if you're running a scammy mail order business nobody has ever heard of, but for a regular business spam would be likely to drive away more customers than it brings in.

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[Skapare]

If we don't keep up the fight against spam, then that notion that spam is "anti-advertising" won't be well known. More businesses will adopt spamming if we don't keep up the fight.

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[Skapare]

Of course the numbers are a stretch. But they represent the ceiling on the problem if we don't keep up the fight. We need to do more than "just delete" spam in order to avoid approaching numbers like that. But the real point should be that unlike other forms of advertising, unsolicited email is a form of theft since bulk email is effectively a "recipient pays" system due to the efficiencies of bulk sending programs.

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[burns210]

easy solution: have your 10meg email box fill up in 57 seconds, and just let the next 11 months and 30 days go by without any new spam:)

Re:opt-out is still wrong

[sipy]

Spammers are the terrorists of the Internet, and opt-out is their RPG.

No matter how many dollars you spend to defend yourself, even "armor plating" your email server/networking devices, you can get hit anyway by some third-world stuupid with a 2400-baud modem and a dialup account. Everyone knows that opt-out is about as helpful as the armor plating on our troup transports that get "blowed up" every day.

You wake up every day, fearful that your inbox is innundated with breast/pe**s enhancement products, links to XXX websites, chain letters, viruses, virus hoaxes, and the like. All the while, the spammers are getting smarter and more informed about exactly who you are, what websites you frequent, and what exactly it will take to get you to click on their link.

I'm "terrorized" every day by this filth, to the point that I almost never check my 9-year-old AOL account anymore. I almost lost two domain names because Network "Abusions" (Solutions) only emailed me there, and the inbox is so full of spam that I didn't get the message until a week after my domains expired. Thank god Network Abusions doesn't miss an opportunity to take my money, and "let" me re-up even so.

Spam sucks, it's not slowing down, and opt-out is not the fix.

Dangers?

[Ryosen]

>>by teaching others about the dangers of the internet

Like what? Getting caught?

Not all spammers are evil.

[jellomizer]

Many Spammers don't realize what they are doing is wrong. They think of it as business just like any other form of marketing, and they don't or wont let themselves realize what they are doing is harmful and expensive to the wrong groups of people (potential customers). While Spam seems to bother most people only a small % complain about it. And the Spammers just pass them off as Extremist who hate anything dealing with capitalism. Often during the course of their lawsuit they begin to realize the damage they have done and the numbers of people it has affected.

Re:Not all spammers are evil.

[micromoog]

Only if "allowing yourself to be blinded by money into doing anything" doesn't constitute "evil". Debatable.

Re:Not all spammers are evil.

[Anonymous Coward]

Well being blinded by money is easy. Especially during the last couple of years, where finding money to live "honestly" is difficult.

How sorry is he really?

[john_smith_45678]

Did he give back/away all the money he made from spamming?

I suggest suicide...

[alispguru]

... the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Spammers are "stupid"?

[Saeed al-Sahaf]

4) Most spammers are stupid.

One of the problems is that most spammers are not stupid. Now, they may be slime, they may be sociopaths, but stupid? Perhaps underestimating spammers in this way (which is common) is counterproductive to eliminating spam. And, virtually every CEO in this great country is more of a sleaze than most spammers, a much bigger leach on society. Are they too, "stupid"?

Re:Spammers are "stupid"?

[kmac06]

Warning, OT

"And, virtually every CEO in this great country is more of a sleaze than most spammers, a much bigger leach on society. Are they too, "stupid"?

What? This is insult to every person who has ever started their own business. I know several people (CEOs) who started companies that provide a service, employ many people (including myself), and provide huge economic additions to this country. This country is (economically) built on corporate businesses being successful, through the effort of CEO 'sleazes' who are 'a much bigger leach on society' than spammers. Of course there are some corrupt CEOs, having that much power can do that to some people. But to say that 'virtually every CEO' is corrupt is insulting to the men and women who have made this country what it is through their business success.

/rant over

Re:Spammers are "stupid"?

[Saeed al-Sahaf]

What? This is insult to every person who has ever started their own business.

Oh come on, you know exactly what I'm saying. Think Enron. Think Tyco. There are many more. Use your head and stop making a fool of yourself.

Re:Spammers are "stupid"?

[kmac06]

...virtually every CEO...

You said what you said. The villification of every successful businessman is not productive (or right), and I was pointing that out.

Re:Spammers are "stupid"?

[Tackhead]

> > What? This is insult to every person who has ever started their own business.
>
> Oh come on, you know exactly what I'm saying. Think Enron. Think Tyco. There are many more. Use your head and stop making a fool of yourself.

So what would you say to a redneck who says something like "virtually every [black person] is a criminal? Think [any inner city]."

Most CEOs are honest and hard working. As are most blacks. Even though it can be hard to believe either of those statements from time to time.

There's a reason

[Anonymous Coward]

Spammers spam because morons buy things from spam ads.

Fix the userbase, fix the problem.

Until then... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA suckers

Reality shift?

[www.sorehands.com]

NO! There is no reality shift. It is I got sued and as part of the settlement, I have to appoligize..

Do you think that spammers have morals?

Re:Reality shift?

[Z4rd0Z]

NO! There is no reality shift. It is I got sued and as part of the settlement, I have to appoligize..

Maybe, but do you know that for a fact?

Do you think that spammers have morals?

That's the funny part of your post. Spammers are people, and people can have morals, therefore spammers can have morals. Why not?

Re:Reality shift?

[kallisti]

Spammers are people, and people can have morals, therefore spammers can have morals. Why not?

Lets see...
People are animals, and animals can have gills, therefore people can have gills.
Aristotle would not be pleased.

Spammers by definition are people without morals.

Re:Reality shift?

[Deliberate_Bastard]

Spammers are people, and people can have morals, therefore spammers can have morals. Why not?

Armadillos are animals, and animals can have wings. Therefore, armadillos can have wings.

Re:Reality shift?

[wwest4]

If you mean a sense of morality, then sure I think spammers "have morals..." they just have poorly developed ethics.

the syllogism should have been:

all people have morals
spammers are people
spammers have morals ...assuming you accept the precept that every person has a sense for right and wrong, varied by individual. Which you may not, in which case... um... never you mind. ;)

Re:Reality shift?

[Z4rd0Z]

They can, if you glue them on.

Re:Reality shift?

[Z4rd0Z]

Okay, Mr. Freshman Philosophy 101, prove to me that spammers are by definition people without morals. You can suck Aristotle's dick later, but for now, show me the money, okay?

Re:Reality shift?

[Z4rd0Z]

On second thought, sorry for the flamebait. But you still haven't proven your broad, sweeping statement.

Re:Reality shift?

[kallisti]

But you still haven't proven your broad, sweeping statement.

You do realize I was joking, right?

I can't prove my statement because my statement is a definition, not a provable statement (they tend to be tautologies). My definition of a moral person doesn't include spammers for these reasons:
1) Spammers are effectively destroying email to make a quick buck
2) Spam often is fraudulent and frequently illegal
3) Spammers lie to hide themselves
4) Spammers use "opt-out" buttons to verify email addresses

and so on...

Re:Reality shift?

[Z4rd0Z]

1) They may not believe they are "destroying email". They are taking advantage of a market that didn't exist a few years ago and are milking it for all it's worth.
2) Often, but not always.
3) Lots of people lie. You probably do sometimes.
4) Okay, so it's dishonest.

Also, remember this is email we're talking about. A spammer might do all of the above, and these practices may not carry over into the rest of their life. People have a tendency to partition off parts of themselves. Just because a person does something immoral does not make them a wholly immoral person.

Re:I'll accept, under my own terms.

[djh101010]

We don't want this wastrel getting off on a technicality, do we?

Oh, come on, what kind of Shylock would take a case like that?

re: Spammer Apologizes

[cynic10508]

Spammer Apologizes

In related news, scores of pigs originally reported stolen have been sighted soaring overhead. Aerospace engineers and hog farmers alike suggest citizens in the affected areas to invest in sturdy umbrellas.

But of course

[RobertKozak]

Now he gets to make even more money by doing seminars and selling how to articles on how to stop spamming.

Sheesh.... just another publicity stunt.

Gotta admit tho the guy does know how to make lemonaid.

This guy is full of $hit

[Anonymous Coward]

Quote from the article: "It is critical that every person be given an opportunity to opt-out of receiving e-mail correspondence promoting commercial products."

Hey, Head, you asshole, how about ONLY SENDING TO PEOPLE WHO OPT IN!!! YOU DICK!!!!

Sorry, had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, this guy got off with a slap on the wrist. They claimed he was the world's biggest spammer? He must have been making millions a year. So he gets off with a crappy little $100,000 fine. Im so sick of big scammers getting away with shit like this.

Oh well, like I always say, if you want to steal, think big. Morons who hold up liquor stores go to jail, but people who steal billions play golf with the President and live in Florida mansions (Im talking about Ken Lay).

did...

[AviLazar]

...Yahoo sue? Did they win? Did they get his money/assets? If the answer to these questions equals YES, then we could all care less about this guy appologizing. We have his money, we don't want to hear/see anymore trash spewed from him.

responsibility

[YouHaveSnail]

I'm sure he takes full responsibility for his actions, too, right?

Spammer Apologizes

[radarsat1]

I should have put "dangers of the internet" in quotes. yeah. Not my words.

Re:(Eric) Head, Talking! /. has your answer!!

[Nom du Keyboard]

And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?

And as you ask on Slashdot, so shall you find the answer to your quantum question right here!

oooh I'm sorry...

[JustNiz]

Sorry? thats it?
This guy is a good example of why God invented handguns.

To a head

[glenebob]

I guess you could say his spamming ways finally came to a head huh?

Well...

[Anonymous Coward]

The apology is nice and all, but I'd rather see the bastard in jail.

Rules

[Tom]

Rule #1: Spammers lie

You believe a single word he says, I have an almost unused bridge for sale.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[starling]

Nah, it's easy. Consider the source and refer to rule #1. He's lying.

Meh, what is this...

[Rie Beam]

Yeah, I imagine the Internet is such an evil to him. I'd like to see him prove it. Suspend his access. Then we'll see who's been influenced by that `Naughty Network`.

Would actually work.

[juuri]

Given that spammers make will take work from anyone selling anything, they would surely take any message you fed them from a nonexistent entity critical of scientology as long as you paid. A few hundred dollars spent may be all that it took to get some of the larger spamhauses sued out of existence by the "church".

Re:Would actually work.

[WhiteWolf666]

This is not a bad idea....

Not a bad idea at all....

Actually, I feel like I would want to pay for spam both ways.

Pro scientology, anti-scientology.

Would it be illegal for me to do that? Where would I go to start?

Pro-scientology=People get mad at the CoS

Anti-scientology=CoS kills spammers.

While were at it, why not spam out the CoS's secret (but now revealed in court) documents.

That ought to get a reaction out of them....

Anyways, get me some info on how to do it, because this is TOTALLY a project worth starting.

Re:Would actually work.

[Anonymous Coward]

A few hundred dollars spent may be all that it took to get some of the larger spamhauses sued out of existence by the "church".

Anyone else here received spam from Brazil purporting to be on behalf of the COS? I was tempted to tackle them over it, but thought better of it for all the obvious reasons. Could have been someone trying to discredit them, or a rogue office or member (either of which they probably would have taken action over), but on balance it just wasn't worth the possible downside.

If anyone ever got brave and/or stupid enough to sponsor such spam campaigns, they wouldn't have to be critical of the organisation - in fact, it would probably be better if they contained material that looked like it was actually from them. As an organisation, they seem to hate anything that challenges the view that they are upright and proper. Accordingly, I think it highly likely that anyone sending messages that paint the church as spammers will be soundly sat on much more quickly than just another anti- messenger.

Also, I'm thinking of writing to them as I must be a natural clear. I should have died of pneumonia a few years ago if I wasn't, because of the secret papers I found on a Dutch website. I'm sure that by studying me they could come up with a much faster and less expensive training program than they... oh... never mind...

Reminiscent

[jaghatarjankare]

This reminds me of the 'fishnet' ending of Wayne's World.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[chadjg]

I think apologies made under pressure mean exactly dick.

Even if he actually regrets his actions, his apology is still meaningless to me. I'm interested in his actions, and just doing a lecture tour to teach middle school kiddies isn't enough. It isn't even a start.

If he truly is sorry he'll spend every spare moment teaching Linford & Friends everything he knows and squealing on every single one of his associates. It has to be distasteful, but that's just tough. Now, not many people wake up in the morning worry about what chadjg thinks of them, so most people should ignore this vitriol.

The bottom line is that we shouldn't try to gauge sincerity in this situation. It's irrelevant. Actions matter, and toeing the line isn't good enough. He needs to be a freaking saint-on-earth if he wants to come up even.

For the record, I think he'll turn rotten as soon as the ruckus dies down. Shame passes sooner than greed.

Eric Head

[kuzb]

So .. instead of bad Head, we get good Head now?

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Anonymous Coward]

'Spammer all tied-up and disguised to look like a moose during hunting season....priceless'

I'm sure you could pay someone to make it happen...

I bid 10k

Popfile

[cr0y]

I personally use Popfile Once you get it trained, its damn near 100% accurate

Apology

[David H]

He is very sorry...
that he got caught.
And he promises he will never do it again.

I think he's heading for Room 101

[Anonymous Coward]

Didn't his remarks sound like a variation on "I understand now. I love Big Brother"?

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[Anonymous Coward]

'Spammer all tied-up and disguised to look like a moose during hunting season....priceless' I'm sure you could pay someone to make it happen...

Deal!

Re:Prediction: Passive/Agressive Canadian Response

[Anonymous Coward]

Ouch. I swear my girlfriend has made the exact same apology before.

Tracking spammers

[abertoll]

Wouldn't it be nice, if a spammer gets caught, it gets put on their permanent record... and then companies could simply choose not to allow them email access ever again.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[wwest4]

Apology doesn't have to be a one-way street. Contrition is either met with mercy or it's not. This can profoundly affect how genuine it is over time. If someone tells you right off that your apology isn't worth dick, then why should they bother following through? If apologies under pressure don't mean anything, why do actions under pressure mean anything?

> For the record, I think he'll turn rotten as soon as the ruckus dies down. Shame > passes sooner than greed.

He's pretty young... I don't think he'll backslide. He just needs to reassert his ethics to keep himself out of trouble, and it sounds like he's at least got the rhetoric down.

It's only wrong if you care about other people

[billstewart]

If you don't care about other people, it's simply not a problem, except if it makes less money for *you*, because you're the only person in the universe who matters. The fact that you're annoying people who *aren't* potential customers doesn't matter as long as they don't sue you or get you kicked off your ISP, because they weren't going to give you money anyway.

Annoying potential customers is something most spammers _do_ understand, but since they can make money with a 0.0001% success rate (or whatever), they're happy to let the other 49.9999% of the potential customers get their Herbal Fake Viagra from other sources - it's just a marketing niche choice, and different spammers may make different choices about how blatantly to lie and how flashy and annoying their ads can be based on real or imagined response rate.

During a lawsuit, some spammers may realize how much direct cost they've caused (because they may have to pay it, if they've got any money), and they may realize how many people are mad enough at them to sue them, and they may even begin to understand how many of the 9 billion email messages they sent went to duplicate addresses. But that's not the same as realizing the effects it has on the recipient, because you have to _care_ about the recipient, and sociopaths fundamentally don't care about other people.

On the other hand, some spammers do _begin_ to understand how spam recipients feel when they have to keep changing their phone numbers because of all the calls in the middle of the night asking them if they're unsatisfied about their penis size or whether they'd like a great deal on a mortgage on their new place in Siberia.

Sorry?

[Anonymous Coward]

As my mom used to say for 'serious' infractions, "Sorry isn't good enough."

Don't follow his lead

[Anonymous Coward]

His "lead" was to purposely spam the world until he was rich enough to retire--and now he is giving the "lets protect the children, who will think of the children?" speeches. It makes me sick.

This man is a user, abuser and absolute dredge on society--who is now living large on his unscrupulous activities.

He should be hunted like the dog he is.

Oooh Oooh!

[runamok1]

I was sure I was going to get a funny comment out for once. I check the top 3 posts. Vi@gra joke. Check! Nigerian Scammer joke. Check! Work from home joke. Check! Mortgage joke. Check! Crap. Damn killjoys.

He made the local news...

[enigma48]

... his parents must be proud.

I was going to comment on the fact that Canadian dollars isn't real money but it looks like it is USD - ouch. Still, I'm sure he's better off than he started.

The real kicker? On the news, he announced he's going to start a career developing pornography filtering software "to protect kids" using the Internet.

You know, I don't think slashdot will ever forgive this guy...

I suggest we...

[rune2]

do the snail-mail DDOS attack anyway... just to make sure he's really sorry.

well

[jdkane]

i hope he sends us all a letter of apology to back up his words

I swear that last part read

[ryg0r]

Let's hope others begin to take off his head.

That doesn't sound so bad to me....

makes thumb-forefinger Force choke motion...

[albeit unknown]

Apology accepted, Spammer!

Spam sucks, but

[the grace of R'hllor]

Spam is very annoying, yes. I get about 50-100 a day, and none of 'em are even interesting anymore (except for the time traveller asking for a phase-inverter or something, to be delivered about 250 feet over an existing intersection in the US. "Do not teleport, for they will deflect the beam!". Good stuff.)

However, for the amount of money earned and effort expended, I wish I'd gotten in on the game and made a lot of cash. Morality is all well and good, but so's seven or eight figures on the old bank account.

Re:"vows to mend his ways by teaching others about

[hutkey]

I give it 6 months before he's back at it again

may be he has already started, with different name :)

Re:I'll accept, under my own terms.

[Raven42rac]

If your choice is his cerebellum, potentially he could just lose balance and motor skills. The cerebrum would be a much better choice, as close to the brain stem as possible.

Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!

[Moqawama]

Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!

Death to American pigs. Death to the Zionists. You will all pay for the deaths of our brothers with millions of your own.

Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!
Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!

Remember the day you invaded Iraq. Remember the day you burnt al-Fallujah! By the burning of your cities, we will make sure you never forget!

Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!
Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!
Tahya al-Moqawama al-Iraqiya!